Season Seven - Episode One

[DarkMagickClem]

When I read Joss Whedon's statements about how Season Seven would be about returning to the 'original vision' of BtVS, the first image that came to mind was adult Buffy, Xander and Willow back at high school. Ridiculous, right?



And wouldn't it be difficult to go back to those freewheeling, humor-laced days of old, what with one of the beloved core characters having been recently turned into a world-destroying madwoman. Sorry, world-destroying ass-kicker...



So here's my parody version of the Season Seven opener. It's four acts, plus an epilogue. Soon after I wrote the first act, I read that evidently they really are going to set the first episode at High School. And here I thought it was the goofiest thing I could come up with.



NOTE: at one point in the script, it may seem like I'm treading close to dangerous territory...Don't Worry -- everything gets fixed. I can't stress this enough.



TITLE: Season Seven, Episode One



AUTHOR: DarkMagickClem



RATING: There are suggestions of a relationship between two women which is possibly of a sexual nature.



SPOILERS: Through the end of Season 6 – also bits I might have picked up about S.7



DISCLAIMER: all characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the property of Mutant Enemy in perpetuity throughout the universe. I'm just borrowing them.







SEASON SEVEN – EPISODE ONE







TEASER



INT. PSYCHIATRIST'S OFFICE DAY



BIRD'S-EYE VIEW of WILLOW ROSENBERG, laying flat on the psychiatrist's couch, hands folded demurely on her lap. She is shy, bookish and very possibly dressed by her mother: short flower skirt, a pink teddy bear sweater and white stockings. Her red hair is long and straight.



voice of DR. WEISKOPF: (O.S.) ...and when we experience these "bad feelings", Willow, where is the place we go to?



WILLOW: (eyes closed, serenely) calm blue oceans...calm blue oceans...



DR. WEISKOPF: (O.S.) Very good!...



INT – WAITING ROOM OF PSYCHIATRIST'S OFFICE



A few patients waiting to see the doctor, looking through magazines. The door to the doctor's office opens and Willow and Dr. Weiskopf enter the lobby.



WEISKOPF: All right now Willow, I'll see you next week and remember those positive affirmations…



WILLOW: I know...'I like myself! I like who I am!' Thanks again Dr. Weiskopf!



She starts toward the outer door but is stopped abruptly in her tracks, her mouth open in shock. Sitting in front of her in the waiting room is FAITH. She is seated between a large black man and an elderly woman. As she sees Willow, she lowers her copy of HUNTING KNIFES magazine and flashes a wicked grin.



FAITH: Hey, Red! Long time no see!



WILLOW: F-Faith…? What are you…you're seeing Dr. Weiskopf?



FAITH: Yeah, the good doc's shrinking my brain too.



WILLOW: (indignantly) He's not shrinking my…I mean…I-I thought you were in L.A....



Faith leans back, puts her feet up on the table.



FAITH: Yeah I was, stopped over to see Buff's ex, hung out for awhile, tortured some people. But you know how it is, when you carve a path of terror…what with all these jurisdictions and stuff…(shrugs) they keep movin' me around. But I'm all good now…this doc, he's way better than the one I had in L.A…lot better drugs anyway…



As she gestures towards Weiskopf's door, we see she's handcuffed to the black guy. Willow's eyes widen.



FAITH: Oh, this is Dewayne. He's my undercover chaperone. Keeps me outta trouble, right sweety?



Dewayne looks up and, expressionless, nods to Willow before going back to his magazine.



FAITH: Well, him and enough Lithium to kill a horse. (Smiling slyly) So, Will, grapevine says you got in touch with your inner-maniac and had a little dust-up with a certain blonde Slayer we both know…



WILLOW: (blushing) Oh, uh, it was…kinda complicated…I was under a lot of stress…



FAITH: Hey, tell me about it, Red…I've been there…and I certainly don't blame you for trying to take B down a notch or two…



She glances sidelong at Dewayne, then cups her hand to her mouth, pretending to 'whisper'.



FAITH: Next time though, gimme a call, we can tag-team the bitch!



Willow laughs nervously and glances at Dewayne. He doesn't even look up from his magazine.



FAITH: (gleefully) Man, when I heard what you did to that creep that whacked your girlfriend, I was like…Yeah!!…who knew our little Willow had it in her? I was proud of you, girl!



Her smile fades somewhat.



FAITH: 'course, skinnin' a guy with magic, I kinda consider that cheating you know?



Willow starts edging toward the door.



WILLOW: Umm, yeah…uh, well I got to go now…late for…things. And I'm sure you've got plenty of...therapy to get to...



She turns at the door, gives a tiny wave.



WILLOW: N-nice seeing you again, Faith…you take care of yourself!



She bolts out the door.



FAITH: (waving her cuffed hand) Yeah, OK! Take it easy Red!



She waits a moment, then nudges Dewayne.



FAITH: Cripes, what a nut, huh?



BLACKOUT





End of Teaser





ACT I



EXT. - ROBERT FLUTIE MEMORIAL HIGH SCHOOL – DAY



Willow sits alone at an outdoor lunch table, a brown-bag lunch and a coke in front of her, looking around meekly as students mill around, laughing and talking. Her nervous expression changes suddenly.



WILLOW: Buffy!



BUFFY hurries over, grinning widely, tossing her books down as she sits next to her friend. She's wearing knee-high brown leather boots, low-cut blouse, a mini-skirt and a barrette in her hair. She's sucking on a tootsie pop.

BUFFY: Hey Will, what's up?



WILLOW: Nothing…nothing up at all!



BUFFY: It's ok Willow…I just meant how are you, how's your day been?



WILLOW: Oh, fine…classes are even easier the second time around.



BUFFY(gesturing with the tootsie pop): Sure, for big Willowbrain maybe…me, they just keep saying 'You're not paying attention to the lesson, Miss Summers', 'Please re-do the quiz, Miss Summers', 'Adults aren't allowed on school property, Miss Summers'…Blah, blah, blah.



XANDER HARRIS appears out of the crowd of students, slides into the bench on the opposite side of Buffy and Willow.



XANDER: Hey, what's with all the blahs Buff?



WILLOW: Buffy's teachers are getting slightly on case with her.



XANDER: Oh man, tell me about it…old Sunnydale High was never this tough!



BUFFY: Xander, you're taking five periods of wood shop…



XANDER: Yeah, but…you should see some of the stuff these kids are working on nowadays…I mean, this is way beyond spice racks…



He looks down. ANGLE ON—Xander's POV of the lunch table. Willow's sandwich with a single bite taken out. BACK TO—



BUFFY: Well, I'm not gonna let stupid school bring me down…I'm back with my best buds and that's all that matters.



WILLOW: Awww, that's really sweet…



Buffy looks around, all sunshine and smiles



BUFFY: And there's just so much I want to share with Dawn, so much beauty in the world...



Xander and Willow share a quick glance. They've obviously heard this speech several times in the last few months



XANDER: I don't want to put a damper on the love-fest, Buff, but have you heard any more from your pasty-faced stalker?



BUFFY: C'mon Xander, I told you, Spike's basically harmless now. He's got his soul back, and he says he's very sorry about...well, everything. Not that I care. And yeah, I got another letter from him, from some country called…umm, Kamiristan or Kumus…tus…stan or…y'know, one of the stans.



WILLOW: What did he say?



BUFFY: The usual stuff. 'Soon, Slayer…soon…', 'When I get back, things'll be different'…and about ten pages of poetry.



XANDER: (contemptously) pfffft, poetry…!



He looks down. ANGLE ON—Xander's POV of the sandwich. BACK TO—



XANDER: And not that I'm in a hurry to see his undead ass again, but why's it taking him so long to get back?



BUFFY: (well, duh) C'mon Xander, it takes a long time to drive a motorcycle all the way from Africa to Sunnydale!



Willow's brow furrows.



WILLOW: But then how did he get—?



XANDER: Look I'm sorry Buf, but I've never liked that guy. I hate evil rapey Spike and I hate sappy-poetry ensouled Spike.



He looks down again. Xander's POV of the sandwich.



XANDER: Are you gonna finish that?



WILLOW: (pushing it toward him) No, no, please!



He grabs the sandwich and starts wolfing it down



XANDER ( between bites) So gals, I'm thinking…Bronze tonight right?

Some dancing, some alcoholic beverages, (winks) maybe me and Will can scope out the unattached ladies…



BUFFY: Xander! (she kicks him under the table)



XANDER: Owww! What?



Buffy jerks her head, indicating Willow, who's looking down, obviously embarrassed.



XANDER: Aw, come on, Buffy…I'm just saying…well, life goes on, right Willow? A night out at the Bronze is—



BUFFY: (exasperated) Xander, the Bronze got…(looks at Willow) kinda blown up, remember?



XANDER: (oops) Ohh…Oh, yeah…I-I'm sorry Willow, I forgot…there's just so many places that you…I mean that got kinda blown up…



An awkward moment passes, everyone looking down at the table.



XANDER: You know I love you, right?



Buffy kicks him again.



XANDER: OWWW!! Slayer strength, Buff!



BUFFY: Well, I just think you could be a little more…you know, careful…what you say about…



WILLOW: (bravely) No, Buffy it's OK, Dr. Weiskopf says I have to own my mistakes and make friends with my weaknesses…I need to acknowledge my little… episode. I can't get upset if someone brings up certain painful details.



XANDER: ( rubbing his ankle) Yeah, Buffy, you don't have to skin me

a—



Buffy's eyes widen in shock, Xander looks hastily at Willow.



XANDER: …skin me a grape. Because…I don't like grapes. Even when they're…peeled grapes. (looks pleadingly to Buffy for help)



BUFFY: (quickly) Uh, well I think I should patrol tonight, anyway…Dawn said something this morning about someone knocking over some mailboxes on the next block…



XANDER: ( all business) You're thinking vamps?



BUFFY: Or maybe some new demon in town…Xander, can you ask Anya if she knows any postal-type demons?



XANDER: (cringing) I don't know, Buff…since leaving her at the altar, losing my apartment and job, moving back into my parent's basement and going back to school, me and Anya haven't exactly—



ANYA suddenly appears in a flash of computer-generated effects.



ANYA: …and those times I said your penis was adequate…? I was lying!



She disappears.



BUFFY: Xander?



XANDER: It's this list she's making. She keeps popping in everywhere I go!



Buffy shakes her head.



BUFFY: Will, I'm gonna need you on serious research mode.



WILLOW: Oh! I can check on the net for any recent mysterious deaths involving mailboxes!



As she reaches to get her laptop from her bag, she accidently knocks her soda off the table.



WILLOW: Oh, darn it!



She looks up, her expression one of mild annoyance, but we see that her eyes are completely BLACK. Xander and Buffy exchange hasty glances.



WILLOW: What?



Long pause. Xander happens to look over Buffy's shoulder.



XANDER(a little over-enthusiatically): Oh, hey look it's Dawn! It's Dawn everbody! (waves) Hi Dawn!



ANGLE ON - the other end of the quad, we see DAWN SUMMERS and her friend LINDA, walking together near the one of the school buildings. Linda squints, looking…



LINDA: Hey Dawn…isn't that your sister and her friends?



ANGLE ON – their POV of Xander, Willow & Buffy grinning and waving.



DAWN (mortified): Oh, my god…don't look at them, keep walking!



LINDA: Why are they hanging around here all the time? Aren't they like thirty or something?



Dawn grabs her arm, quickly yanks her toward the nearest doorway.



DAWN: God! It's so embarrassing! I really hate this dimension!



A FEMALE TEACHER passes by. Dawn grabs her arm, spins her around to face her. We see the teacher is wearing a necklace with a large central gem.



DAWN: I wish I was an orphan!



The teacher and Linda look confused at this outburst. Dawn releases the teacher, looks back across the quad.



ANGLE ON – her POV-- close-up of Buffy still grinning and waving. BACK TO --



DAWN: (dejected) Crap...



BLACKOUT

End of Act I

Edited by: xita  at: 12/29/02 7:31:58 pm

[CaptMurdock]

Umm...okay...dream sequence?



Alternate reality?



Drug-induced hallucination?



Viet Nam flashback?





Whatever it is, I like it.

______________________

"I love you all. I love you more than life itself. You're all f***ing mad." -- Ozzy as "The Dad," THE OSBOURNES.

[snuggle79]

hm, really interesting start we are having here! Yeah, but i don't like Xander in this story. He is saying too much stupid things..like the "the life goes on" stuff to Willow..

But Willow seems to do fine that far, right? Well, i hope she does..can't wait fore more!

Tara:"Maybe we dreamed it."

Willow:"Right. Right. Wrong! (points at her head ) Different Brains." Tara:"Oh yeah."


Can we just skip it? Can...can you just be kissing me now?

[ZipityDoDa]

That was cool, wanna see more sometime around....now.

=Jessica=

[MissQuirky]

Interesting!! Can't wait 2 read more!

"W-well, I-I was wondering, maybe, you would wanna go out sometime? For coffee ... food ... kisses and gay love?" - Willow (Normal Again)

[scifiacid]

Oh gawd this is funny! I can't wait for more.

[Latsric]

I don't know what's going on...but I like it. More please



-lat-

- I need my obsessions, they keep me sane -

[DarkMagickClem]

Thanks for the feedback everybody…



CaptMurdock : in answer to your questions – yes.



Snuggle79 : yeah, he is pretty dumb, isn’t he?



ZipityDoDa : thanks, how about now?



MissQuirky, scifiacid & Latsric : thanks, guys!



I’m starting to think maybe I should have titled this Fic ‘Season Seven – Episode One (A Parody)’ just to make it clear. Hope there weren’t too many angry Kittens thinking “Teddy bear sweater? Psychiatrist? Willow going out dancing? What is this crap?”



The concept of the whole fic is Joss trying to start over again with some seriously damaged characters and failing miserably…the poor dope. He obviously needs someone to bail him out.



All five parts should be read as one (very disjointed) episode of BtVS









SEASON SEVEN – EPISODE ONE





ACT II



EXT. - DAY – Establishing shot of UPN STUDIOS.        



INTERIOR – UPN STUDIOS The office of LILAH MORGAN, VP of Programming. Sitting on the edge of her desk is LUKE, her secretary, a hulking, menacing presence in Dockers and a polo shirt. Lilah is tapping her neatly manicured nails against her desk. Suddenly the door bursts open. JOSS WHEDON rushes in.



JOSS: Jeez, I'm sorry I'm late…I spent all morning getting grief from some execs from the WB about 'Angel'…sure is great to be back around some friendly…



Joss' POV – Luke's stony mug



JOSS: (unsure)…faces…



LILAH: That's all right Mr. Whedon…have a seat.



JOSS: Oh please, Lilah, call me Joss!



LILAH: Certainly Joss—please call me Ms. Morgan…



Joss freezes half-way into his seat, looks warily between the two as he slowly lowers himself the rest of the way into the chair. Lilah is smiling nonchalantly, Luke crosses his arms and glowers.



LILAH: Now Joss, I'll get right to the point…when I was moved up to Programming last week, I was given the job of pruning the deadweight from the schedule…correcting the bad decisions of my predecessors you might say.



JOSS: Ok, I think I know where this is going…I know the ratings for 'Buffy' have been a little…soft…



LILAH: Soft…yes you could put it that way…



She starts writing something on a piece of paper.



LILAH: Joss, I could have gotten the guys in graphics to whip up a presentation with a lot of bars and graphs, but in the spirit of cost-cutting, I'm going to save the studio a couple of grand. This represents the ratings on your show since moving to our network.



She holds up the slip of paper. A single diagonal arrow, drawn in red ink, pointing down.



JOSS: (laughing nervously) I think you're exaggerating slightly…



LILAH: When UPN won the bidding war for your series, we expected a certain level of performance for our money. Last season's ratings, however, were lower than those on your prior network. Coupled with the controversy over the death of a lesbian character—       



JOSS: Ohhhh, OK, now I get it! Boy, you guys get a few letters—(sees Lilah's reaction) some letters and you get all panicky! You can't tell me I can't kill a character just because—



LILAH: Joss, we're a television network. We don't care if you make all the characters gay and then kill them all and then have them reincarnated before killing them all again. (holds up the paper) All we care about is this.



JOSS: But we fixed it! In the season opener…Willow meets a new girl, emphasis girl, so problem solved, right? Right? (nervous chuckle) I mean you watched the episode yesterday so you know…



ANGLE ON – Lilah, a slight smirk on her face.



JOSS: (his own expression falling)…or-or at least read the script…?



LILAH: I have people to do that for me. The network also has other people in our employ who have conducted in-depth focus groups and they tell me that viewer dissatisfaction extends beyond this one issue. They also provided several colorful and, I'm sorry to say, expensive-looking graphs detailing various aspects of this dissatisfaction. (she pulls some folders from her in-box) Would you care to see?



JOSS: Okay, okay, look, I admit…there may have been some mistakes made in regards to the overall tone of the show last season, but this year we're going back to what made 'Buffy' great: camaraderie…girl-power…(looking desperately back and forth between them) …you know, more light-hearted…um, I'm sure you've seen the memo...we call it "Buffy: Year One”!



ANGLE ON- Joss's POV – Lilah and Luke are impassive. His spiel isn't working.



JOSS: We..uh…we've got big plans for this season…



He pulls a some crumpled notes from his pocket, looking through them quickly.



JOSS: …which I think will address all of our fan's concerns…uh, OK...Willow falls in love with a girl...right, first episode...who turns out to be Tara's clone…(looks up from the notes)…or ummm, maybe a robot, we haven't decided yet. (back to the notes) Uh, fireworks fly as Spike returns in next week's episode and he...uh, broods. And uh, oh yeah, Dawn!



Excited, back in pitch mode



JOSS: We've got a hell of a set-up for a spin-off...Dawn and her 'posse' at the high school battle the vengeful spirits- including a handsome brooding boy ghost - of some teenagers who have--



LILAH: (interrupting) Have you seen the overnights from yesterday's season premier?



JOSS: No, I haven't had a chance…those guys at the WB…



LILAH: It appears that your 'back to basics' strategy did not connect with the viewers. Not only did 'Buffy' loose to all of it's network competition, it also came in behind a Lifetime channel movie called 'Please Don't Kill My Baby' and the WB's encore presentation of a 'Gilmore Girls' episode that has aired at least three times last season.



Joss processes this silently for a moment.



JOSS: Well, now…I understand that was a 'Very Special' episode of the 'Gilmore Girls' so—



LILAH: You see Joss, I've got the people from "Girlfriends" and "The Hughleys" complaining that your lead-in numbers…or rather lack of lead-in numbers, are dragging them down too.



JOSS: But that's not-



LUKE: (his voice a menacing rumble) The negative influence of your show is spreading like a plague of boils throughout the schedule.



Joss just sits there, stunned. He swallows hard. Lilah gets up, crosses to the front of her desk and leans back against it.



LILAH: And with the exorbitant production costs of the show, Joss, it's simply a case—



JOSS: (his eyes burning feverishly) Fire the writers!



LILAH: I beg your pardon?



JOSS: The writers. Get rid of them all. That should save a lot just in salaries, right? I could write all the episodes…I wrote three 'Firefly' pilots in an afternoon once!



LILAH: I'm afraid it's too late for simple cost-cutting measures.



JOSS: (panicky) But-but what then? You can't…(he can barely say it) cancel…



Lilah crosses her arms, a patronizing look of empathy on her face.



JOSS: (near hysteria) But we've only shown oneepisode…! We've got five more in the can! We were just about to start filming the build-up to the 'Dark Xander' season finale arc! You can't just end the season after only one friggin' show!!



LILAH: I'm sorry Joss. We already have a replacement lined up to air in 'Buffy's' place next week: 'the World's Funniest Police Chases' hosted by…(she snaps her fingers, trying to think of the name)



LUKE: The 'Whaaazzuuup!' guy.



LILAH: Yes. The 'What's Up' guy.



JOSS: (horrified) A reality show?



He sinks into the chair, defeated. Lilah sits back down behind her desk. As she speaks, the lights lower until the room is dark, her desk illuminated in a cone of pale light.



LILAH: 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' ends here and now. The rift in our schedule will be mended. Once more, ratings will rise...like a tide of blood. Once more, advertisers will swarm about our programming. And our coffers, our bounty…will overflow.



CLOSE on Luke, his face suffused with unholy fervor.



LUKE: Amen!



INT - CAVE



PAN across banks of monitors, computers and various electonic machinery with lots of blinking lights, to reveal ADAM, seated at the center of this make-shift control center. His cyborg parts are blackened and dented from his battle with Buffy, and there is a large, gaping hole in his chest. Standing behind him is a VAMPIRE HENCHMAN.



ADAM: (re: the monitor in front of him) Interesting.



HENCHMEN: I'll say...I've always had a thing for a babe in a power suit...that whole 'Ally McBeal' thing.



ADAM: (shakes his head wearily; it's hard to get good help) No, I meant this whole scenario.(gestures to the monitor in front of him) This is false. Reality has been twisted, distorted. The normal flow of time has been altered somehow. Can you not see it?



The henchman rubs his chin, pondering this.



ADAM: First we see the Slayer and her comrades at school, then we see these others, speaking as if this, our reality, was merely an 'episode' of a televised entertainment…an episode that had in fact, already aired. You see now?



The henchmen ponders some more. Long pause.



HENCHMEN: So can we switch back to see the rest of the episode? He says the witch gets a new girlfriend.



Adam simply stares at him for a long moment, then -



ADAM: (heavily put-upon)Yes, yes…fine!



He pushes some buttons on the console. The henchman leans forward slightly to watch the monitor over Adam's shoulder.



ADAM: (musing to himself) Perhaps only I am immune to these magicks. Only I can see the totality of these conflicting dimensions. I alone, the most completely aware being who has ever existed.



The henchmen chortles behind him. Adam swivels around to face him.



ADAM: What?



HENCHMAN: (coughing, shaking his head)...something in my throat...



Adam looks at him suspiciously, then turns back to his monitor.



HENCHMAN: So, uh...what're you gonna do?



ADAM: Nothing. I will observe.



Unseen by Adam, the henchman rolls his eyes. He's heard this before.



ADAM: I will allow this aberration to play out. These magicks are by nature unstable. Yes...this distortion will fit in well with my...my Plan.



The henchman chortles again. Adam spins around.



ADAM: WHAT?!!!



                                        BLACKOUT



End of ACT II







                                       

[snuggle79]

uh...this is really interesting stuff! And it's really funny! Please update soon!

Tara:"Maybe we dreamed it."

Willow:"Right. Right. Wrong! (points at her head ) Different Brains." Tara:"Oh yeah."


Can we just skip it? Can...can you just be kissing me now?

[NewRuthRising]

Hee hee. Very good. Write more soon.



Ruth

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Sometimes I get the distinct impression that none of us are as cool as we think we are. Hm. - Tommo

[DarkMagickClem]

hmmm-tried to edit an error and deleted the whole damn thing!



TITLE: Season Seven, Episode One



AUTHOR: DarkMagickClem



RATING: For kittens of all ages



SPOILERS: Through the end of Season 6 – also vague rumors and innuendoes about S.7



DISCLAIMER: all characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the property of Mutant Enemy in perpetuity throughout the universe. I'm just borrowing them.



PAIRINGS: Willow and somone who looks like Tara (hey it's ME's idea, not mine) but don't worry, the Real Tara is back next Act.



This is part 3 of 5



SEASON SEVEN - EPISODE ONE





ACT III





EXT. – MAGIC BOX - DUSK



Establishing shot - a nondescript mini-mall. In between 'Video Shed' and 'Chinese Food Shed' is a storefront with a temporary banner stretched over the door: MAGIC BOX Grand Re-Opening.



INT. – MAGIC BOX       



Not quite the same ambience as the original. An acoustical tile drop-ceiling, fluorescent lights, convenience store shelves. A few customers wander around. Anya is at the counter. Buffy, Xander, Willow and JONATHAN are sitting around a card table covered with books. Willow types furiously at her laptop. Dawn is sitting away from the table, obviously bored to death, digging at the carpet with a big sword.



JONATHAN: I'm just saying, there's no way the Hulk movie can be better than the Spiderman movie.



XANDER: But he's the Hulk! Hulk smash!



WILLOW: Ooooh! Buffy! I'm in! I hacked into the Fish & Game licensing database!



BUFFY: That's great, Will…(gently) but we're here about the mailbox vandalism, remember?



WILLOW: Oh, I know. I just thought…it might come in handy.



DAWN: So when do we get to actually kill something?



BUFFY: Dawn, I told you...it goes Research, Slaying...right? Research, then Slaying!



Dawn makes a big production of rolling her eyes and groaning.



DAWN: (sarcastic) Oh, yeah, Buffy, this a real beautiful world!



BUFFY: (trying not to sound mad) Yes, Dawn. This is me and my friends, happy again. Got it? You're part of the Scoobies now so you have to be here, too. (firm) For the entire meeting.



DAWN: (grumbling to herself) Stupid epiphany…!



XANDER: You know, Buff, I kinda agree with the Dawnster…I mean as far as having these meetings at Anya's store…I'm not really feeling the love in the room.



BUFFY: Look Xander, I'm sorry you and Anya haven't patched up your…vengeance issues. But we need the reference materials and besides, she promises she can't disembowel you even she wants to…



JONATHAN: I agree with Buffy, we need to—



XANDER: This from the man who thinks Natalie Portman is hotter than Jeri Ryan.



JONATHAN: Borg lover!



BUFFY: Quiet you two! Xander, keep looking in that demon encyclopedia. Jonathan…(she pauses, glances at Willow) Will, can you ask Anya for the phone book? I'm gonna try calling Willy's Bar and see if I can get any info. He's so used to it now that I can brow-beat him by phone…



Willow jumps up, eager to help.



WILLOW: Sure thing Buffy!



Buffy waits until she's out of earshot.



BUFFY: (lowering her voice slightly) All right Jonathan, I want you to cast some kind of reveally-type spell to get an idea of who's behind this mailbox thing. But not around Willow. Think you can handle it?



JONATHAN: (squirming) Um, yeah…I think…sure. She won't…you know, get mad at me an' like, turn me inside out or something, will she?



BUFFY: We've been through this before Jonathan, Willow's perfectly fine with you being new magic guy. I explained to her how, at the last moment, when it seemed he was going to be defeated, you stopped helping the guy who murdered the love of her life and became a good guy. She's completely fine with it!



JONATHAN: Yeah, but...when you guys aren't around...she looks at me kinda funny...an' does that thing with her eyes...



A pyramid-shaped speaker phone at the center of the table clicks and buzzes.



OPERATOR: (O.S.) Hello, miss? I have your long-distance call now.



voice of GILES: (O.S., barely-awake) Wha—hello?



BUFFY: (a little too loud) Giles? Hello Giles? It's me, Buffy!



GILES: (O.S., muttering) Bloody hell…



BUFFY: We didn't wake you, did we?



GILES: (O.S.) Only slightly…



BUFFY: (looking at her watch) But isn't it noon there? Yesterday?



GILES: (O.S.) No.(long sigh) It's four-thirty in the morning. Today.



BUFFY: Oops! Well, you know me Giles, I was never math girl!



GILES: (O.S.) Is there some actual purpose behind this call?



BUFFY: (serious) Yeah, Giles…we might have a problem here…



GILES: (O.S.) A problem? It isn't...Is Willow all right?



Buffy looks over at Willow.



ANGLE ON—Willow, standing at the counter. Her hands are flat on a open White Pages phone book, and black phone numbers are flowing up her arms. She looks up and sees Buffy. Willow flashes a big smile and gives her a thumbs-up. BACK TO—



BUFFY: (winces) Ummm…Willow's doing just great, Giles. That good magic of yours sure did the trick, boy…Uh, but we've got some mysterious stuff going on in town and I thought we could use some of that Watcher-style guidance.



GILES: (O.S.) Right, what is it?



BUFFY: There's these mailboxes. They were knocked right off their posts! All over Sunnydale!



Long pause.



GILES: (O.S.) That's it? You woke me up for sodding mailboxes?



BUFFY: But Giles…the Hellmouth! Sure, it starts with a few mailboxes, then…



GILES: (O.S.) Look, Buffy…Get this through your head. I can't have myself teleported over every time you…(long sigh, tries to calm himself) I'm no longer your watcher…I'm no longer a watcher, period! You've got to get over this obsession with making everything back to the way it was…



BUFFY: But Giles…(her lower lip starts trembling) You don't know what it's been like for me…what I've been through…trying to hold it all together!



GILES: (O.S.) Yes, well life is difficult. Do you have any idea what the tax rate is over here? How hard it is for a solo singer-songwriter to get a decent gig?…(firmly) It's over Buffy. Move on with your life. You can't—



The speaker phone buzzes, then beeps several times.



OPERATOR: (O.S.) I have an emergency break-in call from the People's Democratic Republic of Kafiristan…



More buzzes, then—



SPIKE: (O.S., his voice dripping with malice) Hello, slayer…



BUFFY: Spike?



XANDER: (instantly angry) Oh, great…what do you want?!



SPIKE: (O.S.) Wasn't talking to you, lapdog…Got some unfinished business with the Slayer, I do.



BUFFY: Spike, I haven't got time for—



SPIKE: (O.S., chuckling evilly) Oh, you'll make time Slayer.



He clears his throat.



SPIKE: (O.S.) Oh, long I have wandered / O'er verdant fields / Cross boundless seas / Whose light…whose brilliant— Um…your eyes doth… Ahhh, bugger…wait, hold on, I'll start again…



ANGLE ON—Willow and Anya at the counter.



WILLOW: I'm sorry Anya, I just don't feel comfortable helping you with your "Reasons to Hate Xander" list. I know he was a real jerk to you and all but—



ANYA: Fine. Although since you've known him so long, what with the crayons and so forth, I thought you might have a lot of material for me. I've only known stupid contemporary Xander, where as you knew Xander's stupid formative years.



WILLOW: Ummmm…



ANYA: And I also thought you might be feeling guilty and indebted to me since you destroyed my last business and tried to kill me. I know Buffy said we're not supposed to remind you about it, so please don't tell her if you have a relapse.



WILLOW: (under her breath) calmblueoceans, calmblueoceans, calmblueoceans...



Willow glances offscreen, and her eyes widen in surprise.

ANGLE ON--her POV. Standing in the aisle, looking at some jars of magical ingredients, is a young woman. She looks remarkably like TARA, which is not surprising, since she is played by Amber Benson in a black wig. However, she is dressed nothing like the Tara we know: a revealing, brightly colored mini-dress, boots, big mod earrings. Willow stares at her, transfixed.



WILLOW: W-who is that?



ANYA: What?(looks) Oh, her. That's Serena. One of my regulars. (looks pointedly at Willow) One of my newregulars. I had to replace all the old ones when— (sees Willow is ignoring her) Oh, I see, the lesbian thing. I suppose you want to meet her.



Anya grabs Willow by the arm, leads her over to Serena. Willow looks panic-striken.



WILLOW: No! Wait, Anya! I don't—



ANYA: Willow, this is Serena. Serena, this is Willow. Willow is a witch too. Or used to be. Before she went crazy and tried to destroy the world.



WILLOW: Anya!



Anya looks offscreen, frowning



ANYA: Excuse me, I have to make sure Dawn isn't stealing something.



She leaves. Willow smiles nervously.



WILLOW: Ha-ha, that Anya, always joking!



SERENA: I know, isn't she a gas?



Serena gives Willow an obvious once-over, smiling. Willow is very flustered.



SERENA: So you're the famous Willow...tell me, what was it like being the Big Bad? A real trip, right?



WILLOW: The Big...oh, no I wasn't...I mean, maybe a...a medium Bad...at most!



Serena laughs. She has a very loud laugh. Willow looks startled.



SERENA: Hey, who hasn't wanted to destroy the world sometime, right?



WILLOW: (frowning) Well, it wasn't…



SERENA: (holds up two jars from the shelf) Tormentilla or Woodrose?



WILLOW: I'm sorry?



SERENA: For this divinition spell I'm doing. Which would you use?



WILLOW: (sheepishly) Oh...I can't...I mean, I'm kinda on the wagon...



SERENA: (frowning) Oh, that whole 12 step thing just isn't my bag...and why are you in a magic shop then?



WILLOW: (quickly) It's OK for me to be aroundmagic...that's why we still have our Scoobie meetings at the Magic Box. You know, familiar surroundings and all.



SERENA: (smiling again) Scoobie meetings? Oh, riiiight...Anya told me, it's that whole Slayer scene...!



WILLOW: Oh, yeah...we get together here all the time...y'know, to fight evil and stuff...



SERENA: Sounds kicky!



WILLOW: (unsure) Yeah...kicky...



ANGLE ON – Buffy and Xander at the table. Xander's studying the encylopedia. Buffy is staring offscreen intently. She nudges Xander's arm.



BUFFY: Xander, look!



Buffy and Xander's POV of Willow and Serena talking. Serena touches Willow's arm. BACK TO—



XANDER: Whoa…All right Willow!



BUFFY: Will you stop it? Who does that girl remindyou of?



XANDER: (concentrates a moment--then it hits him) Oh my god!



BUFFY: She looks just like Tara, right?



XANDER: Oh. (pause) Actually, I was gonna say Samantha's cousin on Bewitched…



Buffy looks at him, confused.



CLOSE UP of the speaker phone.



SPIKE: (O.S.) Hey, are you still there, Slayer?... anybody?! ... Well that's just bloody rude! (wheedling) That-that hurts me, Buffy, that really does…like, in my soul y'know…?



                                                                BLACKOUT



End of Act III

Edited by: DarkMagickClem at: 9/9/02 11:53:05 am

[MissQuirky]

Great updates, just got all caught up! Hmm this Serena chick seems kinda interesting! And well if she looks anything like Tara she must be a very Hot Mama Yama! Can't wait 4 more!

"W-well, I-I was wondering, maybe, you would wanna go out sometime? For coffee ... food ... kisses and gay love?" - Willow (Normal Again)

[iceprincess2076]

ok, first time posting for a fic usually just read and lurk but by act 3 I was practically falling out of my seat here. but im just a little strange please continue this fic. PPLLEEEEEAAAAAASSEE!!!!!!!! ok going back to my corner now. ICE

[Ittybittykitty]

I like!

Shameless plug- Read my fic 7th Hellvan. It isn't half bad:)! "Innerbed".

[snuggle79]

Funny!

Quote:

---

ANYA: What?(looks) Oh, her. That's Serena. ...Oh, I see, the lesbian thing. I suppose you want to meet her.

---

Can't wait for more!

Tara:"Maybe we dreamed it."

Willow:"Right. Right. Wrong! (points at her head ) Different Brains." Tara:"Oh yeah."


Can we just skip it? Can...can you just be kissing me now?

[AmberBensonRockzMyWorld]

Awsome...I love it..

Much Love,

Lisa

Must I dream and Always see your face.~ Jeff Buckley "Last goodbye"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Recomended Reading: IttyBittyKitty's fic...
"7th Hellvan"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[zero]

Very amusing!

Just because noone understands you doesnt mean you're an artist!

[aiscool]

I can't stop laughing!! This is one of the funniest things I have read in quite awhile. Thanks for the laughs.



"A"

[tkheaven]

you have these characters down with the remarks, I can't wait for the next act!!

Tk's new and improved "GrrArgg"

-----------------------------
Tara was similarly riveted, her body on slow burn as Willow's lips parted and her mouth opened, the food slipping inside and being consumed. Never in her life had Tara ever wanted to be a chicken casserole so badly...Later that night..."It's good to be a chicken casserole," Tara murmured, before passing out. ~ Answering Darkness by Sassette

[TaraManiac]

LOL, This is wicked Funny!



-Lila-

She's My Everything...

Willow-Tough Love

[WonderAnt]

ubershibby fic ya got here.. could totally see joss writing this.. only thing missing is dawn screaming 'get out get out get out' hehe, keep up the good work!

-------------
These endless days are finally ending in a blaze --------------

[DarkMagickClem]

Thanks for the feedback!



MissQuirky: She looks a lot like Tara, but accept no imitations, so that’s the last we’ll see of her.



Iceprincess2076, ittybittykitty, Snuggle79, ABRMW (lisa), zero, aiscool, tkheaven & TaraManiac: Thanks! I’m glad you liked it so far…



WonderAnt Ubershibby, huh? Unless I hear otherwise, I’ll take that a positive thing…Funny you should mention that catchphrase…although technically, I don’t have Dawn saying it.





Okay, here’s the next part--





TITLE: Season Seven - Episode One



SPOILERS: Through Season Six. Also rumors, speculation, and vague innuendoes about what's coming in S. 7



PAIRINGS: Willow & Tara (not a clone, robot, doppelganger, ghost, evil cousin or spirit guide from another plane of existence)



DISCLAIMER: all characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are the property of Mutant Enemy in perpetuity throughout the universe. I'm just borrowing them. The character of Joss is completely ficticious and any resemblance to any actual person, living or dead, is coincidental.



RATING: kittens of all ages



This is Part 4 of 5 – one more loose end to tie up after this…





SEASON SEVEN – EPISODE ONE



ACT IV



INT. – UPN PROP WAREHOUSE – NIGHT



A flashlight beam pierces the gloom. A huge clutter of furniture, props and false walls can be barely made out in the darkness. A figure moves in the shadows, swinging the light around, searching. A loud crash breaks the silence.



JOSS: Dammit!



CLOSE-UP He points the flashlight at his hand, illuminating some minor cuts.



JOSS: Wonderful…freakin' wonderful!



He starts searching again, muttering under his breath as he shoves piles of stuff aside.



JOSS: Got to be around here somewhere…stupid suits…wouldn't know a genius if he bit 'em on the ass…



We can see a little clearer now as Joss digs through a small mountain of props: giant mantis eggs, rubber broadswords and axes, various orbs and spheres, a fake John Ritter head…suddenly, he freezes. With a shout of triumph he lifts up an AMULET on a long gold chain. He ogles it a moment, glittering in the flashlight beam, then shakes his head.



JOSS: …can't believe I'm doin' this…



He slowly places it over his head, the large stone resting on his red V-neck sweater.



JOSS: (takes a deep breath, then—a little overly melodramatic)

I wish I had Season Six to do over again!



Nothing happens for a beat. Then, a small SPARK flickers deep within the gem. Joss gasps. The light grows brighter, colors flashing across the amulet's surface. Eerie music and a wordless chorus of voices rises in the background, growing steadily louder and more ominous.



JOSS: (whisper) It's working…(shouting gleefully) It's working!! (looks sneakily around) …and uh, ten more wishes!



The music swells toward a dramatic crescendo. Suddenly, the light leaves the amulet and moves, now just a white beam, up his chest to his face, blinding him. The music cuts off abruptly.



GUS: (O.C.) That you, Mr. Whedon?



JOSS: (shielding his eyes) Wha— Gus?



The lights come on. It's GUS, a slow-moving, folksy security guard, somewhere in his late sixties, holding a flashlight. He's standing by the light switch, next to the door to the warehouse.



GUS: Why, what're you doing here so late, Mr. Whedon?



JOSS: (deflated) Oh, uh nothing Gus… (looks around) just umm….



GUS: 'Cos you know, I'm not supposed to allow you on studio grounds no more.



JOSS: Geez, news travels fast, huh?



GUS: Oh, everybody got a memo.



Joss sighs heavily, collapsing into the Master's throne, which just happens to be behind him. He takes the amulet off, studies it.



CLOSE ON the amulet.



Suddenly the scene DISSOLVES TO-



INT - OFFICE - DAY



Joss is seated at his desk. Seated opposite him is a young female REPORTER. She is dressed in semi-bohemian chic, and most noticeably, she is wearing the Amulet Joss found in the warehouse.



JOSS: So you're from who again?



REPORTER: (has to think about it) Uh, Xtreme...Sci-Fi... Blast...Magazine...



JOSS: UK mag?



REPORTER: (agreeably) Sure, okay...



JOSS: Well, I'm sure our international fans will be pleased with what we have in store for Season Six. Although I can't give away too... Um, aren't you going to record this?



The reporter looks at the tape recorder that she's leaning on.



REPORTER: Oh, right, yeah...(she makes a show of turning it on and holding it up) Now my first question is: Do you wish your entire cast would die in a horrible on-set accident?



JOSS: (shocked) What? Why would I wish for that?



REPORTER: Um, it's just a hypothetical question...pretty basic journalism 101 stuff.



JOSS: (frowning) Well, I'm actually quite pleased with our cast. They've all...



REPORTER: Really? No contract problems? Obscene money demands?



JOSS: No, we're really more of a big family than...



REPORTER: How about the crew? I'm sure those unions are murder to deal with. Do you ever find yourself saying "I wish all the grips would die drowning in their own fluids."? Or, "I wish the guys in the special effects department would be covered with suppurating boils."?



JOSS: I'm really kind of uncomfortable with this line of questions. I thought you wanted to do a profile...



REPORTER: Oh, we'll get to that! My uh, editors just thought it would be fun, you know, if you would jokingly say something like, maybe (her expression becomes very intense) "I wish the entire writing staff would bleed from their every orifice."



She shoves the recorder closer to Joss.



JOSS: Look, this really isn't working...



REPORTER: (backtracking quickly) Or we can discuss your...um, uh...(she makes a vague gesture in the air)



JOSS: My series.



REPORTER: Right, okay. So...uh...what's the deal with that?



JOSS: (smiling again as he switches to shmooze mode) Well, we have some real surprises in store for our viewers. The theme this year is "Growing Up", which means lots of changes for the whole gang. And we have a Big Bad this year that will shock—



While Joss is talking, the reporter looks bored, glancing vaguely around the office. Finally, she can't take it anymore and cuts him off.



REPORTER: C'mon, there's gotta be something you wish for...(catches herself) I mean, for me to write about...in my article.



The amulet glistens as she leans forward. Joss notices it.



JOSS: (intriqued) Well, actually, something does just come to mind...



REPORTER: (excited) Yes...?



JOSS: (points at the amulet) I wish our prop department had a necklace exactly like that. It'd be perfect for—



The Reporter slams the recorder down, the sharp bang cutting Joss off. She stares at him with barely controlled rage, then yanks the amulet off her neck and tosses it on the desk.



REPORTER: Done! Fool!



She angrily shoves the chair back, stands and storms from the office.



JOSS: Hey, wait! Is this gonna be a cover feature?



DISSOLVE TO -



INT - UPN WAREHOUSE - NIGHT



Joss is still on the Master's throne, staring at the amulet.



JOSS: (to himself) We never concretely established it had to be the demon, and not the amulet itself...(shakes his head wearily) I don't know, I can't keep all these stupid rules straight...alternate realities, wishverses, dimensional portals...should've just wrote in a time machine and fixed everything like on Star Trek...



GUS: Uh, Mr. Whedon, you all right?...looked like you were havin' a flashback or something.



JOSS: (comes out of his reverie, immediately starts another) When did it happen, Gus?



GUS: How's that, Mr. Whedon?



JOSS: When did we let the lawyers...the bean counters, take control from the dreamers and the storytellers? When did the visionaries have their…(he pauses. Gus is chuckling) What's so damn funny?



GUS: Oh, heh-heh...I'm sorry Mr. Whedon…I just remember the producer from 'Kolchak: the Night Stalker' sayin' the same thing.



JOSS: (rubs his eyes) Alright…alright...I'm leaving…



GUS: Oh, no rush, Mr. Whedon, you take your time. I know how it is. Hard for some folks to get on with their lives after somethin' like this. Never actually been fired, myself, but I can imagine...



Gus turns away, back to his rounds. He pauses at the door.



GUS: You just take all the time you need…(over his shoulder as he exits) I'll have to search ya at the gate, of course.



Joss sits in silence. He finally sighs again, then notices the amulet still in his hand. His expression changes from resignation to anger. He raises the amulet, then slams it down.



JOSS: Lousy piece of s—



The amulet EXPLODES in a flash of brilliant light, a shrill rushing sound filling the air. The screen flares into WHITEOUT.



A woman's scream brings us to



INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT



Willow sits up in bed, her hair in disarray, panting in panic. She looks around her, sees where she is.



WILLOW: (disbelieving whisper) What a terrible cliche!



A figure sits up beside her, flicks on the light.



TARA: (touching Willow's arm) Willow, what's…



WILLOW: Tara!!



She pulls Tara into her arms, squeezing her tightly, half-crying and half-laughing. After a long moment—



TARA: (gasping) OK, having trouble breathing…



WILLOW: Oh!…sorry! It's just…



TARA: D-did you have a dream too?



WILLOW: Yeah, I-I guess. The mother goddess of bad dreams…



Tara brushes a stray lock of Willow's hair back and Willow catches her hand, holding it tight.



WILLOW: I lost you…



TARA: It's ok, now…it wasn't real. You're safe.



WILLOW: (suddenly concerned) Wait...you had a dream too? A- a really weird dream?



Tara nods.



WILLOW: In this dream, were you a brunette?



TARA: Huh?



WILLOW: Were there some really horrible... television executives?



TARA: I don't think we had the same dream...



WILLOW: (relaxing somewhat) Good, I wouldn't wish that on anybody!



TARA: Do you want to tell me about it? Your dream?



WILLOW: Oh, boy…it was pretty…yucky.



TARA: I can take pretty yucky.



WILLOW: Yeah, but this was just…You know how in dreams sometimes stuff happens that makes no sense?



TARA: Like a duck in a rowboat asks you if you want to dance?



WILLOW: (considers a moment) Well, OK…yeah…this was kinda like that…(sighs) it all started last year…



TARA: Yikes! Long dream!



WILLOW: It seemed to go on forever! And some stuff was like real life but so much was different...(deep breath) Ok, first, Buffy wasn't in time to stop that creepy Doc guy from opening the Glory's dimension portal thingy…



TARA: With Dawn's blood…



WILLOW: Yeah, so the whole gates of hell thing started, until Buffy jumped into the gateway and closed it!



TARA: But I thought only the Key could close the portal.



WILLOW: Yeah, well that was just one of the ducks in this dream.



TARA: So Buffy was…



WILLOW: Dead, right. But then I did a spell and brought Buffy back to life…



TARA: A resurrection spell? T-that's—



WILLOW: Not right, natural order, I know. Get this…you helped!



TARA: I wouldn't ever—



WILLOW: Ducks. Rowboats. So Buffy came back to life, only she was all mopey and depressed because evidently we pulled her soul out of Happyland so naturally she starting boinking Spike.



TARA: No!



Willow stands up.



WILLOW: Yup, constantly…It was like (she swaggers a bit, does a Spike voice) 'Fancy a shag, Buffy?' (she turns to face the other direction: Buffy voice) 'Sure, first let me beat the crap out of you', (swings her fists around) SMACK! POW! I mean just over and over again…this whole S&M thing…(looks slyly at Tara) and not the good kind either…oh, yeah, and then I got addicted to magic.



TARA: Addicted? You mean like a junky? To magic? Sweetie, this dream…



WILLOW: Tell me about it. And that was just the start of it...



A quick montage follows, with Willow, in her pajamas, pacing back and forth, acting out bits of Season Six. Inter-cut with reaction shots of Tara, sitting on the edge of the bed, each time looking more and more perplexed.



WILLOW: (Xander voice) I'm sorry, Anya, I can't marry you because I love you so much…you don't mind telling the guests, do you? See ya!



Reaction shot of Tara, frowning.



WILLOW: (RACK voice) Hey babe, want a hit of transmogrification? First taste is free…!



Reaction shot of Tara, skeptical.



WILLOW: (british accent, while polishing sunglasses with a scarf) I know you're hurting Buffy, and need our support, what with your recent death and resurrection, so I'm leaving. It's for your own good. No wait, I'm back! Good lord, I'm leaving again!



Reaction shot of Tara, puzzled.



WILLOW: (holding AMY THE RAT in one hand, shaking her as she does Amy voice) Come on Willow! Let's go clubbing! Hang out with the bad crowd!



Reaction shot of Tara, disturbed.



WILLOW: (screechy) GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!



Reaction shot of Tara, dumbfounded by the details of our S.6. Hold on her a moment, then WIDEN to show Willow seated on the bed next to her. Time has obviously passed



TARA: (disgusted) Spike and Anya?



Willow shrugs her shoulders.



WILLOW: It seemed like sort of a recurring theme. (musing) I never realised before how pale and boney he is...I mean, if I wasn't gay before...



TARA: You poor thing. What a horrible...



WILLOW: (miserably) That wasn't the worst...



TARA: It wasn't?



WILLOW: (slowly) Well, something…bad happened…to you…(fast) and I went kinda nutsy and all pissed-off and tried to blow up the world. (brightly) The end!



TARA: S-something bad?



WILLOW: Uhmm, well you know that Warren guy?



TARA: One of the Nerds right? The one who m-murdered his ex-girlfriend?



WILLOW: Yeah. Well in this dream Buffy didn't throw his ass in jail and he didn't get killed in the prison shower. Him and his pals just kept getting away with stupid stuff until...uh, he sort of...(she looks at Tara with a pained expression)...shot you.



TARA: Oh.



She considers this for a long pause, then smiles. It's an absurd thought.



TARA: Well, I hope he didn't get away with it...in your dream I mean.



WILLOW: (wincing with the memory) Nooooo, not really...



TARA: Well, good, as long as he paid his debt to society...b-but what's the deal with blowing up the world?



Willow shrugs her shoulders, shaking her head.



WILLOW: You got me, it makes absolutely no sense...I mean, is that supposed to be one of those stages-of-grief things? Denial, Anger, Acceptance...Blow Up The World?



TARA: ...so I guess that's...that's what made you scream?



WILLOW: No…unfortunately even that really wasn't the end of the dream. I didn't actually destroy the world. Xander talked me out of it.



TARA: (smiling hopefully) Well, that was nice of him...



WILLOW: No, because then the dream just kept going on. I kept going on…(looks mournfully at Tara)…without you…(she rubs her eyes, exhausted from reliving it) The last part was really confusing, with all these awful people...



TARA: TV people.



WILLOW: Yeah...I can't even remember what they were talking about, just this crazy stuff, and it kept switching around, we were in high school again, then there was someone who looked like you...but it wasn't...(suddenly remembering) And Adam...he was alive again! And he could see everything that was happening...



Willow suddenly looks concerned, her eyes searching Tara's. She takes both her hands in hers.



WILLOW: Tara, you don't think...I mean, all these horrible things I dreamt about...that came out of my brain, right? Do you think...



TARA: Oh, sweetie, no...



WILLOW: But what if it's like, I don't know...an omen? Or...(she's tearing up) something wrong with me?



TARA: No, Willow...



WILLOW: But the dream...my dream...



TARA: (firmly) Listen, Willow...sometimes dreams are prophetic. A-and sometimes they're our unconcious trying to tell us something.



Willow nods, absorbing the possibility.



TARA: (smiling) And sometimes they're just your brain stringing together a bunch of meaningless shit...



Willow expression slowly brightens to a grin. Blinks back the tears.



WILLOW: I'd like to go with 'C'...(sniffs) You know, even when I was frightened because something horrible or depressing was happening, there was a part of me that kept thinking 'Oh I'm so sure! Like that would really happen!'



TARA: Like a bad movie…



WILLOW: Exactly!



TARA: Even if something h-happened to me Willow, you would never do those things. You know that.



WILLOW: Yeah, but...okay, new agreement here...



TARA: What?



WILLOW: You can never die. I mean, just to be on the safe side.



TARA: Willow...everybody—



WILLOW: (quickly) Well, okay...sure, but only after we're both very, very, very...(resolve face) very old.



TARA: (smiling) Deal.



She leans forward and kisses Willow.



WILLOW: Thanks...I think I can sleep now.



TARA: Come here, then.



They both lay down, Tara enfolding Willow in her arms.



BIRD'S EYE VIEW of W & T curled up together. Hold on this scene a moment, then--



WILLOW: Oh, no...!



TARA: What?



WILLOW: Here I am, hogging all the sympathy...you didn't tell me about your dream!



TARA: (cuddles against Willow)This is my dream...



WILLOW: No, I mean your nightmare, silly...



TARA: Oh, that. Well, it wasn't anywhere near as... interesting as yours...although the duck was pretty funny. I mean, after what you went through, it doesn't even qualify as a nightmare...it was just a bunch of strange stuff...



WILLOW: But no Buffy/Spike boinkfests?



TARA: Luckily no. I don't really remember much of it now...



WILLOW: Oh, come on...after my epic, you aren't gonna give me anything?



TARA: Well, I do remember…there was this weird little bald guy...and he kept talking about cheese...



WILLOW: Wow. That is weird...



FADE TO BLACK



END OF ACT IV

[snuggle79]

Yeah, that's what i call a nightmare! Poor Willow!

And Tara's was interesting too...

and this:

Quote:

---

JOSS: (takes a deep breath, then—a little overly melodramatic) I wish I had Season Six to do over again!

---

Oh yeah!! I wish that too, but please with someone else than Joss, to do it!!

Tara:"Maybe we dreamed it."

Willow:"Right. Right. Wrong! (points at her head ) Different Brains." Tara:"Oh yeah."


Can we just skip it? Can...can you just be kissing me now?

Edited by: snuggle79 at: 8/8/02 12:47:53 pm

[MissQuirky]

All an awful dream, well Poor Willow! But I'm glad its all a dream Now Tara n Willow will be all 2getha and all w/ the happy!! Can't wait 4 more!!

"W-well, I-I was wondering, maybe, you would wanna go out sometime? For coffee ... food ... kisses and gay love?" - Willow (Normal Again)

[WonderAnt]

ubershibby is a very good thing..



this is SO damn funny.. cant wait for the last bit..

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These endless days are finally ending in a blaze --------------

[Loco2]

just caught up with all this, and got to be quick here - lmao!

"I'm not gay - I'm just Trevor's bitch." - some drunken guy about his sexuality
"Oh, bugger off, you BROLLY!" - Anya to Giles on his use of the english language
"We'll all be a lot happier without the constant whining....Mom, Buffy, Tara, Waah" - DMW to Dawn

[xita]

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If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.

Tallulah Bankhead