The next part will be posted sometime tomorrow.
Katharyn.
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She's my always
by Katharyn » Wed Sep 12, 2001 11:17 am
The next part will be posted sometime tomorrow.
Katharyn.
------------------
She's my always
by Katharyn » Thu Sep 13, 2001 10:14 am
Katharyn
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Title: The Beginnings Cycle – First Light (Currently Part 22)
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Oh yes. katharynrosser@hotmail.com
Spoiler Warning: Limited spoilers for events up to and including “New Moon Rising.”
Summary: The morning after NMR’s climatic scene and after my version of the aftermath told in “Burning Bright.” First off Tara’s thoughts. The last fic had her angst followed by the “physical” joy. It’s about time I wrote something happy for this woman. Followed by the two of them. Snuggles and lethargy was going to be the title of this one but then the lethargy seemed to leave them… The beginning of the honeymoon period with only the tiniest bit of anything angsty.
Disclaimer: I still don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc, etc. I am making zilch from this series of stories.
Rating: PG13 – suggestion and reference to sexual activities. Smoochies and snuggles.
Couples: W/T
Notes: Last of the NMR mini-cycle. Where to go from here? How do you top NMR? You don’t. You just carry on.There is a scene/few lines in this loosely inspired the wonderful “Desert Hearts.” I’m sure many of you’ll know it when you find it.
Thanks To: To all those who asked for "more than snuggles and smoochies" and then when I gave it to them turned round and said “more snuggles and smoochies.” And to L, my research in this regard.
The Beginnings Cycle
First Light
By
Katharyn Rosser
Tara woke with a stream of bright light across her face, dazzling her as she opened one curious eye and then shut it instantly against the daylight, as it flared against her eyeball She groaned slightly, groggy and unsure just what was happening. But only for a second.
Then it all came rushing back. It hadn’t been a dream, or a fantasy because the object of her affections was real. She was still here snuggled up against her. She was Willow and she was hers. They belonged to each other. They were one. Mentally, spiritually, emotionally… and after last night physically too. And it had been everything she had ever dreamed it would be. And more. More and more and more. Over and over until it had been not a loss of desire but exhaustion that had overtaken them. For her at least mental exhaustion, rather than even physical. She realised that she could not remember saying good night to Willow. She couldn’t remember the ending. Had she just nodded off?
They had been through so much anguish. They had overcome so much doubt. So many obstacles that the moment had been long delayed and it had been like the pent up passions of an age had flooded from them last night in the aftermath of that most joyous moment when Willow had finally come to her and made her complete. And after that Willow had revealed herself to be the sensual being that Tara had known she was, deep down. Sensual and sexual. And Willow had shown her just how much that was true of her too. Between them they had swept each other away as a flood would, coursing through each other’s emotions. Each other’s bodies. Each other’s souls. She hadn’t believed that she could possibly feel anything more for Willow than she had before Oz had returned. That it could be better than that. That she could love her more than she had done.
But she did. Now.
It wasn’t the love making, at least not just that. It was the certain knowledge that there was no one else for that woman, just as there was no one else for her. That they were truly one. That they were finally together… and ok yes, it was the passion of their connection too. Connections. Last night she had been so overwhelmed by it that she hadn’t stopped to consider what had happened to her. She hadn’t wanted to stop. Wouldn’t have if she had. Not then.
But now, with that woman curled up around her, flesh against flesh, body against body, souls exposed to each other, now she had the opportunity to consider what she had gained. What had happened.
Willow had happened to her. I’ve been Willowed, she thought. And I know about it.
Willow had, of course, happened to her long ago, when she realised just what the woman had come to mean to her. But this time Willow had come to her. As a woman, as the person she loved. As the person who loved her. Who wanted her. In every sense. The woman she could not refuse but had almost lost – at least in her own mind. Perhaps it had never really been in doubt. Could something this special have arisen just as the result of a choice Willow had made? Perhaps I should have known. Perhaps I should have trusted. Not Willow because she did trust her - with her life and her everything. Perhaps she should have trusted what they had together to win out over a memory.
Bygones. That was the past and this beautiful woman was her future. Hers.
Such as that future was. There were problems there. There were challenges but now she had some hope. That she could overcome them. That they could. But that was the future. This sensual woman was here now. Her present. She wasn't about to spoil this time with her future or the past. She was going to revel in the moment. She was going to enjoy every one of those moments. And if one day it ended because of that future then she would feel the pain but she would have no regrets about what would then be their past. None at all.
Easy to say now perhaps. But it would be the mantra of her life with Willow. Live for the now. Live for the woman I love. She already was.
She got up, carefully and slowly trying not to awake her sleeping lover, feeling the effects of their passion. Delicious as they were in the slight discomfort. She padded, naked, over to the window and closed that gap in the curtains which had illuminated their passion last night but as she returned to the bed Willow was no longer dreaming, she was peering at her through half open eyes. Then smiled, threw back the covers and held out her hand in invitation to Tara. And how could she refuse that?
More and more.
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It had been nearly five hours since Tara had slipped briefly from her bed to secure the curtains against the encroaching sunlight. Maybe four since they had finally attempted to go back to sleep again after another, shorter this time, bought of passion, realising perhaps that it wouldn’t do to wear each other out so early in the morning. Three hours perhaps since her alarm had received a solid thumping and nearly two since the morning classes had drained the halls outside of most of the noise. It was approaching lunchtime when finally leaving Tara’s bed for the day finally became an option – if not an attractive one – to at least one of two occupants.
‘We need to get up.’ Willow finally said. ‘Face the world.’ It was not what she wanted to do. But needs must and needs were beginning to encroach. Different needs anyway. Some needs had, finally, been met and how deliciously. Some again this morning. The same ones maybe but it was still so shiny and new.
In protest Tara snuggled in closer to her, entwined with Willow under the covers. Legs enfolded, arms wrapped tightly around the other as if protective….but also seeking protection. And protection from what? From being alone. That was no longer something either of them had to fear. But from being solitary in this bed? Right now that might be a worse fate, more immediate.
‘Freshen up?’ Willow asked searching for the key that would tempt Tara to end this blissful time. Not that she could approach the task with much enthusiasm herself. ‘It is getting kinda stinky and sweaty in here.’ And the idea of perhaps washing this woman had it’s own attractions. It was the least she could do… No. She mentally slapped herself across the face. Time to get up, not end up back in another passionate embrace. Control Willow, she told herself. But control was, right now, barely more than a word she had heard when compared to the attractions on offer in the form of Tara.
Tara simply murmured and placed her ankle round Willow’s as they lay there, drawing it up to her calf and back again, and with just that Willow’s attempts at self control faded from her mind. She was lying on her back as if in contemplation, staring at the ceiling and the images – memories now – of the previous night that, in her imagination, played across it. No more fantasies. Now at last it was real. She had, no they had, memories and the desire to make more. She and Tara, who was resting, facing her new lover, against her. Willow was aware that Tara was watching her, studying her face as if memorising it - could not take her eyes of her. Or her hands… Willow just had to lean over and kiss her.
‘What was that…love?’ It was still strange to say that and the yet word must have emerged from her lips a hundred times in the past hours. For so long she had been reluctant to say that word to Tara even when she had known it was the truth but it held a whole new meaning to Willow now. Tara had been right – it was the choice that had finally made her certain. Circumstances had finally forced her to actually choose Tara rather than simply accept her presence in her life. And until last night whether she would have chosen Tara or Oz had been a question she never wanted to answer. But the decision, once presented to her, had – at the end at least – never been in doubt. Not really. When Oz had gone wolfie and threatened Tara that had been the deciding factor. Not that Oz could do that, but how the fact that Tara had been in danger had made her feel. Even Oz in the Initiative’s clutches could not compare with the despair she had felt on hearing about Tara. Whilst Oz might always have a piece of her heart it was to Tara that she had given it all – and received the other woman’s in return. Well the idea was poetic, but kinda icky anatomically. Body parts…eww… though some body parts could be fun she had to admit.
‘Nooo,’ Tara repeated softly, like a small child about to be deprived of a favourite toy.
‘Open the window if you want. Just stay with me.’
Willow smiled. She had no more desire to leave this nest than the other young woman, but practicalities were still beginning to intrude. Her stomach growled, again. ‘I’m wasting away Tara. You and me we’ll vanish. We have to eat something too. We have to fuel the fires of our passion.’ There maybe a bit of humour would get it done or the unspoken promise of more passion if they could eat.
As if in a huff Tara sighed without laughing or smiling, rolled over and to the edge of the bed, reached over and retrieved a packet of cookies from underneath it. Feeling Willow stroke her bare back as she lay across the bed. But resisted the temptation herself, to stay there and returned the cookies, unopened. Came back to Willow and presented them. ‘I’ve been saving these for a special occasion.’ And how much more special could it get than last night? Tara doubted that anything could ever compare with the moment when Willow had come to her with that candle and revealed her choice. Even what had directly followed and the rest of the night’s activities paled in comparison to that moment. And that definitely warranted cookies.
‘Minx. How long have you had these? I asked you last week if you had anything to eat and you said no, made me go out to the refectory.’ Willow opened the packet took one and snapped it half, and fed one part to Tara. ‘Don’t get crumbs in the bed,’ she instructed as if talking to that small child. Ate the other half herself. Crumbs might actually prove a motivating factor…another of her pet hates was lying on horrible, sharp, nasty, crumbs. Uuuh.
‘Yes Willow.’
‘And sit up, you’ll get indigestion,’ she instructed.
‘Yes Willow.’
And Willow wasn't at all displeased by the view offered by Tara’s raising herself in the bed.
They lay there, slowly feeding each other half the packet of cookies for another half hour. In their current playfully sensuous mood however this degenerated into a game and simply provoked another bout of smoochies as the chocolate chips inevitably melted to their lips and required careful removal. Many times over. It was tenacious stuff and defied a single attempt at cleansing. And it seemed to not just be getting on their lips.
And with that Willow’s immediate problem was solved. Knowing that she had to rise made little impact on the comfort that she felt right now and Tara was no help at all.
‘I want to take you shopping.’ Willow suddenly said.
Fearing another “excuse” to leave this bed Tara resisted, again pulling close to Willow.
‘Not now.’ Willow reassured her ‘But soon.’
That peaked Tara’s interest and even prompted her to articulate some more words. ‘What for?’
‘Well aside from the worlds biggest supply of extra-flamey candles…’ They both smiled at that, looking over at the remains of the gift Willow had brought round…goddess was it only twelve hours ago. ‘Gotta love the reaction I get to those.’
‘It wasn’t the candle love. Never the candle.’ Tara replied stroking her hand across Willow’s face, tracing her cheekbones, round her chin and then caressing the cheek itself. ‘And?’ Tara asked.
‘And…?’ Willow was caught up in that simple caress, forgetting her earlier suggestion with just that gesture. That was the power that Tara’s mere presence had over her. And she liked that.
‘And what else, from the shops. Shopping.’ Tara prompted.
‘I was thinking of the kitty you wanted. She’ll need...stuff. I was hoping you would let me indulge her – and myself - with some cute toys…as well as the practical stuff.’ Willow had loved the idea before, but now sharing a kitty seemed like a wonderful addition to their circumstances.
‘Your thinking of that now?’ Tara was humorously incredulous.
‘Actually it was last night,’ Willow admitted. Tara arched her eyebrow as if to ask if there hadn’t been anything more interesting going on. ‘Well we kind of reached the point last night where the brain wasn’t really…essential to what it was we were…doing.’ Willow carried on. Seeing Tara’s face then she hurriedly added, ‘After I mean… definitely after. Just lying here, being in the presence of your warmth and beauty – for hours because you won’t get up or let me go - the mind wanders’ Willow pointed out proud of the compliment filled recovery.
‘Tell me again about my beauty.’ It was the plea of a person not quite believing the statement - having not heard it’s like too much in the past.
‘You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.’ Willow said simply, knowing that Tara would get to hear it a lot more.
‘Then try looking in a mirror,’ Tara retorted.
‘I mean it,’ Willow pressed. ‘I don’t mean you have salon perfect hair…though I love your hair.’ Willow curled a few strands around her fingers. ‘I don’t mean you have the perfect flawless skin…though I love your skin.’ Stroking Tara’s temple and cheek. ‘I don’t mean you have the perfect body of a model… though -’ Briefly Willow demonstrated her affection again.
‘I get the idea’ Tara said a minute or two later. ‘So I’m not perfect in many different ways. Make me feel special why don’t you.’ Tara joked.
‘No. But put it all together and you are…womany. A beautiful, sensuous woman. The most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Like a classical goddess. A beautiful package that I am just learning to unwrap. And the most wonderful thing about you…. is that you are you – not that you fit some stereotype of perfection from a magazine, but that you are perfect for me and I wouldn’t change a thing about you. Not a thing. Does that make sense?’ Willow asked.
‘Not at all, but I know what you mean. But try looking in the mirror Willow…really look at yourself and you will see something even more beautiful than me.’ Tara smiled, then frowned. ‘Don’t the classical goddesses usually come with wide child-bearing hips? Are you saying I have big hips?’
‘No, just perfect ones.’ Willow intended to simply kiss her lover’s hips to thank her for her own compliment, but they didn’t emerge until minutes later – carried away by the smouldering embers of their newfound passion – yet again. The honeymoon was definitely in full flow.
‘Whilst we’re talking…Well we were talking. A few minutes ago. I think you should know-’ Willow said, emerging from that embrace that seemed to have lasted forever – just as she wanted it to.
‘Mmn.’ Blissfully uncaring Tara apparently again content to stay in the bed. It was going to take a while longer to rouse her now. Ahh well…it was fun trying at least. She set herself a deadline of dinner time to achieve her goal.
‘Buffy knows. About us I mean. How close we really are,’ Willow revealed. ‘Do you mind?’ It was one thing to have made the decision for themselves, but quite another – even with friends – to let others know about it.
‘No. But she is not my best friend. She’s yours. How did she take it?’ Tara asked, snapping out of her bliss, realising this was or could be bothering her love. Why was it they always found something else to worry about? There should be no worries, not now. And she was going to put a stop to it. Now. Then they could get back to bliss. She liked bliss. It was a good thing.
‘I don’t know. She couldn’t make the connection when I hinted at it. Not at first. When she realised…she got a bit wiggy.’ Willow was in no way sure how Buffy had reacted to it. Surprised? Yes. Shocked? Maybe. ‘You know…forcing herself to get over it for me and be…supporto gal. She didn’t try and push me to either Oz or you. She said you were a wonderful girl.’
‘That’s good. Because I am. ’ Tara’s fear, so briefly felt as she had been distracted since Willow had come to her last night, was that Willow’s friends – also friends of Oz – would reject her as being the person who hurt him, who caused him to leave again. That still might happen even if they never said as much to Willow. But as long as she had Willow, she didn’t care. They could hate her all they liked, as long as they didn’t hurt Willow with it. That was all that mattered.
‘Yes. But the subject never arose before. Suddenly Buffy has a roomie who is… has a girlfriend.’ Willow still avoided any of the descriptive terms for their relationship. Not because she was ashamed of them, but because they just seemed so inadequate to describe what they had. It would be like describing Romeo and Juliet’s love just as “straight” and you couldn’t dismiss a love like this with a word. A label. ‘That’s got be a little weird for her….and she never even knew. It has to be a bit freaksome for her.’
‘You knew it would come out. It had to. We nearly showed them when Faith was in Buffy’s body, we were ready then. You were. Ready for people to know about us, even though there was even less to know. And besides you’re making the argument for yourself. You know that you shouldn’t worry about it.’ Tara pointed out.
‘Yes. I guess so. Though I guess I should tell them…that Oz is gone again.’
‘Will you tell them, well the others, why?’ Tara asked.
‘You mean us?’ Tara nodded. ‘We are not why he left. He left because he knows that I can be happy without him, that I am happier without him. That happens to be with you – but it needn’t be as far as he is concerned. He can’t control the wolf around me. Eventually he would have hurt me – or someone else we cared about – maybe even you.’ Willow broke off and pulled Tara close, as if reassuring her that nothing else would ever be allowed to hurt her. It would take the power of god to overcome the fierce protection that she intended to give the woman she loved. ‘But no I won’t tell them about us. I think I will let them get used to him being gone again first. There will be questions. Concern. Buffy won’t tell either. No matter what she really thinks she’ll wait for us.’ Willow saw the relieved look on Tara’s face. ‘You were worried honey?’
‘Not about them knowing, I’m ready for anything like that. But I didn’t want to be blamed for Oz leaving. He’s their friend, just like you are. He’s a scooby – I’m just an outsider.’ Tara admitted.
‘They wouldn’t hold it against you. Never.’ Willow reassured her. ‘They were probably more angry with Oz for leaving me in the first place…what he did to me then. No they wouldn’t hold it against you even if it had been your fault. But it wasn’t. And your not “just” anything love. You’re Tara. You’re mine. And I am yours. That makes you as inside as you could ever be.’
‘Hmmm, I remember.’ Tara joked wickedly. ‘But you won’t tell them about us when you say that he is gone again?’ she challenged.
‘No. No need.’ Willow smiled at the other woman, a little shocked at the joke that Tara had cracked. But this was a whole new Tara. A Tara that didn’t have to worry about shocking her or scaring her off. Who could say what she felt. It wasn't out of character, it was the character that she had been suppressing and Willow liked it.
‘So you can stop w-worrying?’ Tara suggested to her, not wanting to spoil the new afternoon with problems.
‘I’ll stop worrying if you will get up,’ Willow offered.
‘No need to w-worry anyway. Not any more. I’m here.’ Tara said, denying the challenge.
Willow noticed the incidence of repeated stammers, thought about it a minute. ‘When I first met you, at Wicca group I thought you were this little mouse, shy, quiet, easily led, but your not.’
‘I don’t have much confidence.’ Tara replied.
‘Don’t you? Really?’ Willow wondered aloud. ‘When we are together you’re my strength. You’re my rock. You tell me what I need to hear, not what I want to – or what you want me to. You reassure me. But when we are out there…’
‘Well I have always stuttered a little, more when I am nervous,’ the other explained.
‘Since that time we first talked properly…after we got our voices back you have rarely missed a syllable and when you do it is not bad. Not when we are alone anyway – just when you get upset.’ Willow commented.
‘You make me feel safe. That first time I was terrified. Terrified that I was wrong about you being a real Wicca, that you wouldn’t want to meet up again’ Tara explained.
‘And what were you hoping for?’ Willow placed her hand on Tara’s chest, squeezed a little teasingly. ‘This?’
‘A friend. I never had many friends. I told you that then. That you were into spells was just bye the bye… and what has grown between us…at, at least what I think has grown between us…’ Tara trailed off not doubting it at all but wanting to hear the words from Willow’s lips again.
‘Shall I say it?’ Willow asked teasing and playing along with Tara’s game.
‘Yes. I die every time you say the words to me.’ Tara smiled.
‘You’ll need far more than nine lives then woman. Love. We love each other. I love you. You love me. We love each other.’ Willow taunted Tara with the word again and again.
‘Love is a wonderful, wonderful bonus. If it hadn’t worked out, if you had chosen not to…be with me I mean…I would have tried to be your friend anyway, but I think it would have killed me in the end – though I would never have let myself show you that – to see you around with him. Oz I mean. I could not have been this strong for you.’ Tara knew it was true. Nothing had ever meant as much to her as Willow.
Willow leaned in and removed the offending words from Tara’s lips with a long drawn out kiss. Not even one of passion this time. Now her focus was that word love.
‘So will you get up strength of mine?’ Willow finally repeated. ‘If I stop worrying?’
‘Anything for you love.’ Tara disengaged herself from their long clinch. Threw the covers back and sprang from the bed with a mock athleticism that belied her pleasure induced lethargy.
Willow gazed upon her naked form and smiled appreciatively at that wonderful bonus to their spiritual love. Tara looking back at Willow, uncovered on the bed could only agree. Besides there was time enough for snuggles and smoochies.
Later.
For the rest of their lives perhaps.
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She's my always
by CaptMurdock » Thu Sep 13, 2001 11:00 am
Katharyn, after the last couple of horrible days, this lifted my spirit. No matter what happens, no matter the tragedies we inflict upon one another, the human heart will prevail.
Thank you.
[This message has been edited by CaptMurdock (edited September 13, 2001).]
by Forrister » Thu Sep 13, 2001 11:48 am
Vulnerasti cor meum soror mea sponsa; vulnerasti cor meum in uno oculorum tuorum, et in uno crine colli tui.
(Thou hast ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse; thou hast ravished my heart with one of thine eyes, with one chain of thy neck.)
by Zahir » Thu Sep 13, 2001 11:59 am
Ah to wake next to your love--a sweeter pleasure is hard to imagine (except perhaps the very first time you hear that person say I love you).
Loverly, your story.
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"O let my name be in the Book of Love.
If it be there, I care not of
That other book Above...
Strike it out! Or write it in anew.
But let it be in the Book of Love!"
--Omar Kyam
by Warduke » Thu Sep 13, 2001 1:51 pm
by catliz16 » Thu Sep 13, 2001 2:01 pm
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"After one take," remembers Hannigan," Joss did say, 'Can we have one that's less like you're going to sleep together in about five minutes?'"
by Puff » Thu Sep 13, 2001 2:33 pm
by legend » Thu Sep 13, 2001 7:09 pm
by TL983 » Thu Sep 13, 2001 7:59 pm
by Katharyn » Fri Sep 14, 2001 10:14 am
Part 23 will be posted sometime tomorrow.
Katharyn
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She's my always
by kpmuse » Sat Sep 15, 2001 1:38 am
Then the WTC blew up across the river from my home in Brooklyn NY. Also, my sister is having an unrelated mental breakdown and is now in hospital. The thing that anchored me this week was coming back to your story. I stayed up for 4 hours reading the parts I missed these last few weeks. God bless you Katharyn.
by WiccanBex » Sat Sep 15, 2001 2:42 am
by Katharyn » Sat Sep 15, 2001 2:14 pm
K
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Title: The Beginnings Cycle – Past Moments (Currently Part 23)
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Oh yes. katharynrosser@hotmail.com
Spoiler Warning: Limited spoilers for events up to and but not including “The Yoko Factor.”
Summary: Set in what I like to think of as the “honeymoon” period between “New Moon Rising” and shortly before “The Yoko Factor” in Season 4. The intent behind this story was to take another look back at Tara’s past and through that to strengthen the bond to Willow.
Disclaimer: I still don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc, etc. I am making zilch from this series of stories.
Rating: PG13 but with reference to sexual activity.
Couples: W/T
Notes: This story is composed of two bits. The first is based on a “conversation” that I have had at such a moment – I shall not reveal which side of it I was on. You’ll see why! All I have done is to modify it a little to allow a little humour, a little reassurance. But that was mainly the McGuffin to facilitate the rest of the story which is what I really wanted to write here – more of my version of Tara’s past. This past is consistent with my previous fics that mentioned this aspect of Tara, but it is not necessarily consistent with canon – specifically with reference to Tara’s brothers.
Thanks to: The kittens who observed the “silence” in this thread so wonderfully. All this, that seemed so important prior to September 11th, is revealed to be so meaningless, but if this fiction or any other one on the board makes a single person feel even a touch better then it is worthwhile to me.
The Beginnings Cycle
Past Moments
By
Katharyn Rosser
It seemed to Willow, guessing where she thought it would go, that she had been involved in the imminent conversation before, but previously on the opposite side…and with Spike of all people. It was a bit like déjà vu. Being here the second time round was no more fun than that had been. Though with less threat of imminent death or unlife. But, actually, though death was not an attractive option at any time, the ground opening up and swallowing her would have been preferable to feeling like this right now. And why…?
Her failure to elicit that ultimate response from Tara’s body – to return the gift that she had been given was more than just bothering her, it made her feel inadequate and gave her some inklings of what Spike must have felt, being unable to bite her, at the moment that they had their own version of the conversation that was now going on…
Wait, why in the goddess’s name am I thinking of that… vampire? This was nothing like that. This was totally different. This was something else entirely. She could only think that her mind, trying to escape from the unpleasant moment that it found itself in right now, was trying to connect to some other thoughts, some other time and place. For not only did she feel inadequate, she also felt totally selfish and unworthy of the woman she loved. Intellectually she knew that it wasn’t true - that this was all a matter of experience, of learning to read Tara’s body as well as she could her soul. That it could as easily be due to other things. But the intellect no longer ruled her where Tara was concerned. It was all her heart.
She knew that she could do it. She had made love with and to Tara in the recent past, on that wonderful night when emotions had run so high and their bodies had been swept way with them. And in the days and nights following… She knew she wanted to do it… again and again. She did not fear the intimacy as she had once done… she revelled in it. To love Tara and to make love to her what in this world could equal that? Except of course than receiving the same in return.
Only to allow it to reach the pinnacle in conclusion… to take her love there. And that was where she had failed tonight. That just wasn't her. What she did she was good at. That was just how it was. That was how it should be, it was the natural order of Willow Rosenberg.
Tara hadn’t even said anything about it to her. They had been there for so long, Willow trying for so long, that it was clear that the conclusion Willow desired for her lover was not going to be reached. The moment had long since died and Tara had gently stopped her from trying to keep it alive. She hadn’t said anything – had kissed Willow and then enclosed her in her arms and prepared for sleep. Not a word said beyond those that meant the most – ‘I love you.’ But Willow couldn’t leave that there. Not after what Tara had done for her that very night. It just wasn’t fair. It was selfish. And she didn’t like to appear selfish – even if she had tried her best. That just wasn't the Willow that everyone knew.
‘I’m sorry’ she had finally said to Tara as the other woman held her in the darkness. And that didn’t even begin to express the disappointment she felt in herself. Words could be so inadequate. Though "inadequate" itself seemed like a good word right at that moment.
‘There is nothing to be sorry about love’ had come the reply.
And here she was knowing that – for her at least – there was. And that she had to make Tara see that she was sorry. Really sorry. That she knew she was a bad girlfriend. And that she would do better in the future – really try.
She said so to Tara and was rewarded with what could only be described as an chuckle from her lover. When had Tara ever “chuckled” before, let alone at her. They had giggled, laughed, broken down and rolled around. But chuckled? ‘Tara it’s not funny,’ Willow protested. ‘I really wanted to… help you.’
‘You are though, funny I mean.’ Tara replied still amused. ‘You don’t really think that this matters do you even for a second?’
‘Of course it matters… especially after all the… stuff… you did for me.’ Willow replied, thinking back on that wonderful… stuff and making herself even more convinced that she was right about this. ‘I owed you something in return. I owed you the same.’ I owed you bliss.
Willow felt Tara lean her head into her shoulder, speaking directly beside her ear a breath as much as a word. ‘Willow, love, we don’t keep score. We don’t ever have to. Of anything.’
‘But…’ Willow was about to protest until Tara’s next words blew her arguments to dust.
‘Love we have our whole lives. There is no need to keep score. Should every kiss I give you get one in return? Every time I look at you should you look back at me?’ Tara kissed Willow’s ear, nuzzling into her hair comfortingly.
‘No.’ Willow said slowly, though the idea of matching Tara kiss for kiss had it’s appeal to her, she might try that one… might even try to get ahead in the scoring charts that there would not be.
‘No,’ Tara repeated. ‘And we won’t have to keep track of anything else either,’ Tara insisted then repeated ‘We have our whole lives. Time enough love.’
‘I can’t argue with that can I?’ Willow asked rhetorically. ‘I don’t want to. I know you’re right but… but I wanted to please you. Like that I mean.’
‘Just having you here pleases me… anything else is a wonderful bonus.’ Tara gently caressed Willow's flank to emphasise the point. ‘And anyway,’ she continued wickedly ‘fun was had. I promise.’ Goddess wasn’t that the truth.
‘Really?’
‘Really.’
Willow accepted this the only way she could - unreservedly. ‘I just want to fulfil you love.’
‘You do fulfil me. You fulfil my every moment.’ Tara replied. If Willow had not chosen her, Tara admitted only to herself, then the moment she had would have been unbearable. She might well have been home by now. Without Willow. Home and alone once more. ‘You just have to stop trying so hard love.’
‘What do you mean?’ Willow was not challenging Tara… she really wanted to know the secret to pleasuring this woman. If there was a secret at all. She'd looked for one, in books and magazines and thought perhaps she had discovered… stuff… that would do that. Interesting and fun looking stuff.
‘I mean you have to stop trying… when we first, well did this… it was all emotion. It was all instinct, we got carried away and,’ Tara continued sensing Willow tensing slightly, ‘It was wonderful - everything I had ever imagined it could be.’ Willow relaxed again in Tara’s arms mollified, seemingly by that truth. ‘But tonight love you seemed to be trying to please me. To do what you thought you should, to be sophisticated lover-gal rather than what you wanted to do. Rather than being my Willow. It seemed forced, like it wasn’t really or just you that was with me.’
‘That’s not…’ Willow was about to argue but what was the point of arguing with the truth. ‘That is true isn’t it.’
‘Yes’ Tara said quietly.
‘I just wanted to be as good for you as you are for me Tara’ Willow admitted.
‘You are honey. You always are.’ Tara assured her.
It was said softly but to Willow it seemed fierce statement – and she was glad of that forcefulness from Tara now. She wanted to be reassured by this wonderful woman. She wanted Tara, as always, to be her strength. Her rock.
‘I guess that is just that I don’t really know what I am doing,’ Willow admitted. ‘I was sort of feeling my way the last times we… did this.’
‘And you felt very nice.’ Tara joked glad that Willow managed to laugh at it.
‘Minx…’ Willow retaliated. ‘I don’t like not knowing… I don’t do well on instinct. I want to intellectualise it. And well, it’s not something that you are as new to… well you’ve done this before… with that other…’ Willow tailed off not wanting to bring others into this. Though it was a difference between them.
‘No.’ Tara said quietly.
‘No?’
‘No. There was… someone… in my past. But we never, w-we w-w-were never like this. Never.’ Tara told her - again quietly her voice failing her badly for the first time since Willow had come to her that miraculous night.
‘Never…?’ Willow asked, almost incredulous. She had known that Tara had not perhaps made… well fully made love, but she had been so sure that Tara had been at least… closely involved with someone in her past, maybe not like this, but... intimate. That she was, well if not experienced then at least had more of an idea than she had. The way Tara talked sometimes about her past it had seemed so certain that she had shared something that had meant so much to her. And if she didn’t, of Tara and that other girl hadn’t been that close then…
…Then Tara had been more alone than she had ever guessed. She rolled to face the other woman and saw that she was caught up in her own thoughts, reacting only automatically to her turn and to the new embrace that they shared then, with Willow instead holding her lover. Her love.
Tara didn’t say anything else though. She just lay there being held by Willow thinking back across those years to before even her mother had passed.
They stayed there, long minutes passing by in their close embrace. Willow didn’t speak, remaining as silent as Tara though she was dying to bombard her love with questions. To get her to tell her what had happened… so she could kiss her and reassure her that she would never be so alone again. That however she had felt in her past it was the past. And that she, Willow, was her present and her future. But she didn’t say anything. Not even that she loved Tara. She could have. She wanted to. But without knowing what had happened in Tara’s past it would sound like a judgement.
More than ten minutes had ticked by on the clock that Willow lay facing, the luminous dial sweeping around the face and marking off time in it’s arbitrary and unstoppable way. Then Tara, finally, spoke surprising Willow who felt sure that they would simply fall asleep this way, holding each other tightly before perhaps drifting apart in their sleep and renewing their bond in the new day.
‘She was a girl. Well I guess that was kind of obvious, but we were both girls at the time. Sixteen years old. We shared some of the same classes at school and we knew each other but we weren’t really what you would call friends. But she wasn’t mean to me like a lot of the other girls so I kinda sneakily liked her anyway and we shared a birthday so we had always known who each other were at school. It’s weird how you think. Just because someone isn’t calling you names you think that they are a good person… well she was. I just didn’t really know it. Or her.’
Willow had known already that Tara had been victimised and bullied at school to some extent but it wasn’t any more pleasant to hear that said than the pain in Tara’s voice suggested it was to say. Perhaps this wasn't right. To let Tara dredge up the past whilst they should have been celebrating their future together. She said so.
‘No love… I want to remember, I want to tell this because I was never able to tell anyone when I needed to. There was no one. I want you to know… about me,’ Tara replied.
Truth be told though Willow wanted to hear it, she knew too little about the woman she loved. Whilst her feelings might be an open book, Tara’s past had been locked away from her so far. She just stroked Tara’s cheek and gave her a soft kiss, to encourage her to carry on.
‘She had a cat.’ Tara’s voice brightened as she said that. ‘We couldn’t have cats at home. My m-mother… my mother she was allergic to them.’
Willow stayed quiet, listening, watching Tara’s face as she spoke – ready to offer whatever this wonderful woman wanted from her – whenever it was needed.
‘Funny huh? A witch allergic to cats. But she was, so we couldn’t have one and I was so a cat person.’ Tara saw Willow smile at her and carried on. ‘I had cat books, cat posters but no kitty and one day I was talking to her about her cat and she told me it was about to have kittens – that they had to find homes. Would I like one?’ Tara smiled a little at that memory. ‘I begged my father. I convinced my m-mother that I could keep it out of the house, out of her way. But she, my m-mother, she was already starting to sicken and he wouldn’t hear of it. I was distraught but he was correct it wouldn’t have been right. I couldn’t have stopped the kitty from getting in some time and it would have made her worse.’
Willow reached up and stroked Tara’s untied, long hair away from her face and let her carry on with her telling of that part of her life. But they were definitely going to get that Kitty they had been to see at the pound today. Tara would have her kitty. They would have her.
‘I was still upset when I went round there to see her, to tell her that I couldn’t take a kitten. And they had just been born the previous night. They weren’t like the kitty we saw today. They were tabby’s – beautiful – and they all had a home to go to already. All but one. The one that should have been mine.’ Tara smiled a little. ‘She had kept him back for me, even though I hadn’t told her I could definitely take him.’
Tara stayed quiet another minute reminiscing then continued. ‘And she, bless her, she saw how upset I was and when she found out why she said that she would keep the kitty, Jack, for me. I called him Jack because her cat was called Jill. I thought it matched. He would be mine but she would keep him there at her house and I could go over and see him whenever I want to. And I did. First thing at school I would find her, ask her about him. I’d walk home with her and go and see Jack and pretty soon we were not just talking about the kitty. She told me about her problems at school and I told her about my mother’s illness – about having to spend more and more time helping my father with my brothers. We were each other’s safety valve. And there was Jack of course and other stuff. The sort of stuff friends just talk about.’ Tara smiled again. ‘We were friends and it was good like that – having a friend.’
‘We took time out in each other’s lives. Her parents were a little worried about her schoolwork when they weren’t fighting each other and I helped her. She was good with my brothers, had more control over my younger brothers than I ever had, they would do anything she told them to and she loved to talk to my mother whilst I was seeing to them. They were so close, and we were so close, after a few months, by the time Jack was out leaving her mouse tail gifts, she might have been my sister… We shared everything – not just a kitty. We were best friends and that was saying a lot. She had a lot of friends already and she stuck up for me with them. They even accepted me a little. My daddy, he even started to call us sisters… ’ Tara trailed off, the smile long gone. ‘But then I had to go and spoil it’ Tara remembered sadly.
Willow didn’t say anything to that. Didn’t ask. But she knew that Tara was going to tell her. That was the whole point of this confessional.
‘She was sleeping over at my house – goddess what a cliché. It was about a year after Jack was born and we were such good friends that nothing else had even entered my head until that night. I knew by then that I definitely wasn’t into boys and I knew that had feelings for girls, certain ones. But she had never occurred to me that way, before the moment that I planted a kiss on her lips. I had not realised that I loved her – and not as a sister would. I had loved her for months and never really known it. It just seemed so natural to feel that way for her. It had crept up on me.’
Willow thought of the first kiss that she and Tara had shared and of the realisation that she loved Tara, had done for longer than she had cared to admit – and she knew a bit of what Tara had felt back then.
‘I shocked myself. But right then in that moment she was able to kiss me back. Just a kiss, but not a kiss between friends. This was more than that. When I looked back at it the next day I told myself that everything was perfect, that she had stayed so it must have been alright. Afterwards she slept in the other bed and not a word was said but she smiled at me. She must have liked it! I had never heard her mention a guy… romantically I mean. Never and in my stupid naiveté it never crossed my mind that she had known or suspected about my choices and just avoided saying anything about guys for my sake. It never occurred to me that she had allowed the kiss out of curiosity rather than any real feeling. That was what it was. All it was. But I started to get excited by the thought of having someone. Scared too… I mean it wasn’t something that happened around our town, two girls I mean, but excited was the main thing.’
Willow knew that something other than excitement was coming.
Tara thought back on her own optimism and almost laughed at it. Perhaps this time, with Willow, she had gone too far the other way. She had been too cautious because of the scars of the earlier troubles. ‘I didn’t see her for a full weekend but I walked with her back to her house after school on the Monday and she never said a word about that kiss. I wanted her too. I wanted to talk about it. What it meant… That should have been my clue. A big one. It was a clue with a big neon sign flashing and saying “clue.” But I ignored that and when we were in her room and the moment seemed right I leaned over and I tried to kiss her again. Just a peck. I thought that we already had a relationship – that to do that was just another step. I assumed that because my friendship with her had become something more… for me, that the same had to be true for her because she was in the same friendship. That it had to work both ways. W-What did I know?’
Tara sighed and Willow knew now where the naturally timid woman’s reticence to take a lead in their own blossoming relationship had come from. And after what was undoubtedly coming why shouldn’t that be so?
‘She actually hit me. Not hard, but loudly. Just the sound rocked me back. She told me that it was wrong – that kiss that I shouldn’t have done it. And when I argued that she had kissed me back she told me just what it was. She even apologised for slapping me, told me it was curiosity. That she wasn’t “a dyke.” That was what the girls at school had been calling me, those who thought they knew what I was. They were right I suppose, but it hurt all the same. Not the name, but the condemnation that went with it. She had defended me, she had shut them up and now she was using the word in the same tone. When she asked me to leave, I just ran out of her house. I ran all the way back home and that was miles. How could I have been so wrong and why was it so wrong? Those were the only questions I could ask myself. I got home and I went straight to my room – glad that I was the only girl in the family, that I had my own room to go to because I just wanted to cry.’
‘You see my heart had betrayed me. It hadn’t told my mind that I loved her or how much. It just stole that kiss and ruined everything. It wasn’t the same after that. She still let me see Jack, she still helped my mother when I couldn’t be there but we were barely even friends anymore. We didn’t talk – and not for lack of both of us trying. She just…couldn’t – and I couldn’t hold it against her. She came to my mother’s funeral and that was the last time I saw her outside of school. Jack turned up in his box a few days later with a note that said she was sorry. Just sorry.’
‘I tore myself apart for months until I finally realised that I was just destined to be alone in that town. And that was the way it was. Until you love,’ Tara concluded.
‘Oh Tara.’ It was all Willow could say, kissing her love on the cheek tenderly. She was conscious that through that entire monologue, the longest she had ever heard Tara speak for without interruption, no name had been provided for that stupid girl. She knew the cat’s name but not the girl who had once broken Tara’s heart. No, stupid wasn’t fair. Just a girl who could not make the same decision that she had so recently done about Tara. For whatever reason. Maybe she was scared, maybe she was a bit prejudiced. And of course she was probably absolutely straight. And Willow knew how hard that decision was to make here in Sunnydale, in college and out of her teens. In a small town aged 16… Willow feared that she, not knowing the full bliss of loving Tara, might have made a similar choice in that girls place. The same stupid, fearful choice.
But that choice, if it had been different… would Tara have been here, with her, now?
Thank you for that choice anonymous girl, Willow selfishly thought. Thank you for letting me try to make this woman happy when you could not.
‘It’s all right… I’m not sad. Not anymore.’ Tara said as Willow started to comfort her with her motions. ‘You see. I have you. I’m not alone – neither of us is so it doesn’t matter about the rest. The past, the intimacy… her, Oz, none of it matters except for us being together. You don’t have to try to please me love because the moment you chose me you fulfilled me. You made me all I am now. All I can be. You are the missing part of the puzzle that is me. You don’t have to try, just be you. The piece that fits me.’ Tara finished, bringing the conversation back to the place it had started. And she truly wasn't sad. For the first time she had thought about that whole episode without feeling sad, bad or alone…
‘But can I - try again?’ Willow asked shyly. ‘To please you I mean. And not try… just be myself?’ Willow was uncertain of the timing – but after hearing what she had, she wanted to comfort Tara – to love her – more than ever and she was delighted to see the expectant smile on Tara’s lips. She kissed them and then gave her love the best of herself.
It was not a failing grade.
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Katharyn
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She's my always
[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited September 15, 2001).]
IP: Logged
On the technical side I spotted one comma out of place and two superfluous pronouns. What next? A missing full stop? Or will you be dangling participles all over? Nope, just kidding! This is practically perfect in both content and execution. Well done!
Insanabile cacoëthes scribendi.
(An incurable passion to write.)
IP: Logged
i think you've got the characters down really well - they're very well written.
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Katharyn
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She's my always
IP: Logged
Lonewolf
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Looking forward to Tara and Anya's conversation!
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"The hardest to learn is the least complicated" - Emily Saliers (Indigo Girls)
IP: Logged
On the technical side I spotted one comma out of place and two superfluous pronouns. What next? A missing full stop? Or will you be dangling participles all over? Nope, just kidding! This is practically perfect in both content and execution. Well done!
Insanabile cacoëthes scribendi.
(An incurable passion to write.)
IP: Logged
posted September 15, 2001 18:00 Willows performance anxieties are amusing in a kind of cute way. I can easily see her worrying about that. It's Tara I feel for. I know precisely how bad that sort of experience can be. It's a measure of how deep the relationship is that she can talk about it with Willow.On the technical side I spotted one comma out of place and two superfluous pronouns. What next? A missing full stop? Or will you be dangling participles all over? Nope, just kidding! This is practically perfect in both content and execution. Well done!
Insanabile cacoëthes scribendi.
(An incurable passion to write.)
i think you've got the characters down really well - they're very well written.
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posted September 15, 2001 19:54 i thought this was really great.i think you've got the characters down really well - they're very well written.
IP: LoggedlegendCool Monster Fighter IP: Logged
posted September 16, 2001 06:52 This was an enjoyable perspective! It's not an aspect to their relationship that many of us have thought about, but your version of events made the whole situation very believable. Great Job!!IP: LoggedKatharynSassy Eggs Katharyn
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She's my always
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posted September 17, 2001 00:58 Graci for the feedback once more Kittens, to be honest I was a little concerned in case I narked off some "perfect bliss" kittens with that one but glad I didn't seem to, I think in hindsight it had just enough snuggles and smoochies to compensate.Katharyn
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She's my always
Lonewolf
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posted September 17, 2001 02:15 Katharyn: Great update, it was really nice and sweet, I can't wait for your next post, I'm dying to read Tara's conversation with Anya it should be very funny. Keep up the great work.Lonewolf
IP: LoggedmollyigWillowhand Looking forward to Tara and Anya's conversation!
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"The hardest to learn is the least complicated" - Emily Saliers (Indigo Girls)
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posted September 17, 2001 07:38 I really can picture Willow doing the research thing on how to please Tara. That girl just loves to learn!Looking forward to Tara and Anya's conversation!
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"The hardest to learn is the least complicated" - Emily Saliers (Indigo Girls)
by Forrister » Sat Sep 15, 2001 3:00 pm
On the technical side I spotted one comma out of place and two superfluous pronouns. What next? A missing full stop? Or will you be dangling participles all over? Nope, just kidding! This is practically perfect in both content and execution. Well done!
Insanabile cacoëthes scribendi.
(An incurable passion to write.)
by WiccanBex » Sat Sep 15, 2001 4:54 pm
i think you've got the characters down really well - they're very well written.
by legend » Sun Sep 16, 2001 3:52 am
by Katharyn » Sun Sep 16, 2001 9:58 pm
Katharyn
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She's my always
by Lonewolf » Sun Sep 16, 2001 11:15 pm
Lonewolf
by mollyig » Mon Sep 17, 2001 4:38 am
Looking forward to Tara and Anya's conversation!
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"The hardest to learn is the least complicated" - Emily Saliers (Indigo Girls)
by Katharyn » Mon Sep 17, 2001 10:14 am
Katharyn
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She's my always
[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited September 17, 2001).]
by Queen of Denial » Mon Sep 17, 2001 10:41 am
If the night turned cold
And the stars looked down
And you hug yourself
On the cold cold ground
You wake the morning
In a stranger's coat
No-one would you see
You ask yourself, 'Who'd watch for me?'
My only friend, who could it be?
It's hard to say it
I hate to say it
But it's probably me
When your belly's empty
And the hunger's so real
And you're too proud to beg
And too dumb to steal
You search the city
For your only friend
No-one would you see
You ask yourself, 'Who could it be?'
A solitary voice to speak out and set me free
I hate to say it
I hate to say it
But it's probably me
You're not the easiest person I ever got to know
And it's hard for us both to let our feelings show
Some would say
I should let you go your way
You'll only make me cry
If there's one guy, just one guy
Who'd lay down his life for you and die
It's hard to say it
I hate to say it
But it's probably me
When the world's gone crazy, and it makes no sense
And there's only one voice that comes to your defence
And the jury's out
And your eyes search the room
And one friendly face is all you need to see
If there's one guy, just one guy
Who'd lay down his life for you and die
It's hard to say it
I hate to say it
But it's probably me
I hate to say it
I hate to say
But it's probably me
I hate to say it
I hate to say
But it's probably me
I hate to say it
I hate to say
But it's probably me
by Katharyn » Mon Sep 17, 2001 10:58 am
Katharyn
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She's my always
by KittyKo » Mon Sep 17, 2001 7:14 pm
So sweet, so well written!! I'm totaly taken by this one... I feel the urge to draw this, but I don't have the time... gods ;_;. If I eventually have a little time... can I make some drawings based on your fic? please?
Wow... simply wow. Amazing.
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Yippie! We have the information!
by Katharyn » Mon Sep 17, 2001 9:23 pm
Katharyn
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She's my always
by dreiser » Mon Sep 17, 2001 9:43 pm
nic
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C-boz is dreamy and one day when he becomes real I will be his bride.
by xita » Tue Sep 18, 2001 12:05 am
[This message has been edited by xita (edited September 18, 2001).]
by KittyKo » Tue Sep 18, 2001 10:09 am
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ai yueni.
by Katharyn » Tue Sep 18, 2001 10:41 am
Katharyn
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She's my always
by Katharyn » Tue Sep 18, 2001 11:07 am
VOTE Different Coloured Pens and the Kitten, The Witches and the Bad Wardrobe Boards at Femslash awards. See Zahir's thread.
Katharyn
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Title: The Beginnings Cycle – Nice Tiles (Currently Part 24)
Author: Katharyn Rosser
Feedback: Oh yes. katharynrosser@hotmail.com
Spoiler Warning: Limited spoilers for events up to "The Yoko Factor", the spoilers for that episode are more detailed. As always spoilers regarding Tara’s supposed “heritage” revealed in “Family.”
Summary: During the argument in “The Yoko Factor” Tara and Anya slip out from the argument and into Giles' bathroom and this is the conversation and events that might have occurred. Course first as always I have to get inside Tara’s head. It’s a habit…
Disclaimer: I still don’t own any of the copyrights or anything else associated with BTVS. All rights lie with the production company, writers etc, etc. I am making zilch from this series of stories.
Rating: PG13
Couples: W/T
Notes: This more than anything else was a chance to have Tara talk with (rather than being talked at) someone other than Willow in one of my fics! Shock horror! I don't think I have included such an event in this. It was also a chance to write Anya, but it is the first time I have done so - the "voice" may be wrong and in parts she definitely sounds more like Cordy. You’d think it would be “easy” to write Anya, but the trick is doing it well… and I am not sure I learnt that trick yet.
Thanks to: All those kittens who stuck with this past Burning Bright… can’t imagine what is keeping you here! And L as always she is….
The Beginnings Cycle
Nice Tiles
By
Katharyn Rosser
Who needed the new serial "Catnip Cove" from MKF Productions for drama when all you had to do was get caught in the middle of a Scooby crossfire? Tara didn’t know what had gone wrong – or when – it was like a whirlwind, slowly picking up speed. Everything seemed to have been going so well. They had been helping. Well Willow had been helping – but she had been offering moral support whilst Willow had struggled with those disks Spike had brought to Mr Giles. She wasn’t sure just what Willow as doing and hadn’t really seen her do much with computers before newt eyes had been more their thing than laptops – but it was obviously important to get the information off those disks. It was just taking time that was all. Everyone just needed to show a little patience. Willow would do it. She had faith in the woman she loved. Not based on much experience, but not exactly blind either. It was Willow after all. But then everything had erupted. All of them had. And try as she might she couldn’t pin down a definite reason for it – a single moment that made it all happen.
Mr Giles was obviously drunk. She had been worried about him for a while now. He just kept downing the scotch, murmuring about being useless as he made himself more so. She could sympathise with that at least – feeling useless. But she was here for Willow and she barely knew him so telling him to put down the bottle seemed, well it seemed rude. He wanted to help save world. And when you couldn’t that must be a terrible thing. Particularly when you were unemployed too that had to make it worse. Who knew that they even drank that much in England? Other than tea of course.
If she thought about it the atmosphere had been brewing all afternoon and evening – maybe even before that. Everyone had been on edge as they arrived. Little things building into bigger ones. Like a snowball. A big hairy snowball. Could you have a hairy snowball? She guessed you could if it rolled through some hair or over a small animal. That wasn't a nice thought, but pretty soon it would get covered with more snow. No it was just a snowball. Not a hairy one. Why hairy even in the first place?
Things were said and people looked to be bothered by them. Hurt by them. Willow certainly was – she could tell that at least and you didn’t have to love people to see their pain. When they doubted that Willow could do the thing with the computer – hacking the disks? – that had bothered Willow. To have what she was supposed to be good at doubted. Everyone was feeling less than they should. Inadequate – all but Buffy who seemed to think she was solitary superhero girl. Which of course she was, but even superhero’s needed sidekicks. But then it had seemed that there was another reason for it all. That secrets were being told. That someone was revealing what was at the heart of everyone’s fear and pain, even if some of the facts seemed to be met with “huh?” And that couldn’t be stuff that was new.
Perhaps it had been brewing more than a while, Tara couldn’t know, but it seemed that it had been to her. Things had not been right for the only one here she was really bothered about for as long as she had known her.
Her Willow.
Since she had known Willow she had heard her flame haired love tell her over and over how things were just not the same – with Xander, her oldest friend. With Mr Giles – the person she looked up to more than any other, which was weird, an old English librarian. With Buffy, her best friend. Tara knew she was in no position to really judge them given how little contact she’d had with those people. But…
The way they were around each other, not just now, but before too… if she hadn’t have known how close they thought they were, that they were supposed to be and told each other that they were she would never have believed it of them. She would not have believed that this disparate group of people – were even actually a group. Let alone a team. Never mind good friends. They thought they were – they thought that they could all count on each other – no matter what. But there was a “what” that was the matter. And that was what fed this fight she was caught in the middle of. If they had not meant something to each other then they would already have stormed off.
Funny how the only thing that really proved to Tara how close they used to be and could be again was what was now tearing them apart. It was visible, the anger, the pain it was palpable. It was like a sheet of cloth being torn apart, rended, shredded. And they were doing it to themselves. Wherever it was all coming from. No matter the cause – and though she had been here from the start she could still not pin that factor down – it was now just letting the feelings that had been, in Willow at least, there for so long come boiling to the surface. And once there they had to be dealt with.
It was painful to watch. Not a person here really meant anything to her except as Willow’s friends. Or at least people Willow thought as her friends. But she hated what it was doing to Willow. She could see the pain. She could see the anger. She could see a side to Willow that the other woman had only rarely had revealed to her. And she didn’t much like it – justified as it may be. She could see a side to Willow that could be dangerous in the wrong time and place.
Dangerous because one day, if she was hurt enough, that side of Willow might just hurt someone else. It might lash out, and with Willow’s power and capabilities that might not be such a good thing at all. If something roused her enough then it was a side to her that would be tremendously powerful. It would give her access to the deeper secrets. And it could destroy them all.
Willow was right though, trying to stop Buffy from going it alone after this “Adam” whatever he really was – she wasn't too sure of the details, just that “he” was bad. And dangerous. But truth be told she didn’t really want Willow to be hurt by going along with the slayer. But she had to go. That was how it worked. She had known this was what Willow did with the Scooby’s. And the price was… regular mortal danger. She wasn't sure of there was an upside to it other than saving the world – and right now Tara thought that they might all be asking themselves that question. If someone had asked her opinion then she would have agreed with Buffy, she would have wanted to keep her Willow safe. But more than that – more even than that – she wanted the bad thing stopped. And if that meant danger so be it. To her, or even to Willow, after all they, the Scooby’s had been facing it for so long…
But no one was going to ask her opinion. She might as well not be here. They didn’t seem to notice that she was there anyway. When she had spoken they had just gone on regardless barely acknowledging her, or Anya. She and Anya. The Scooby girlfriends.
Accessories in this time and place.
Not belonging.
Outsiders.
Anya looked upset too. She too had spoken up, she had tried to defend Xander to help him and they had not listened. She looked pained. She looked as if anywhere was better than here. And it would be. It was embarrassing to see this, to see the people you loved – the other sides of them. The bitter and twisted sides. It just wasn’t nice. Anya met her eyes and they shared that pain for a moment. Anya looked like Tara felt and was probably thinking the same thing about her.
Anywhere was better than here when people you cared about tore into their friends. Her eyes flicked to a way out of the room, Anya’s followed them and seemed to be thinking about it too. Unspoken consensus. If they were going to be the outsiders then wouldn’t it be better to be actually outside of it? Away from it?
When she stood up and slipped past Giles no one other than Anya, who gave a supportive half smile that Tara was surprised she was capable of, even seemed to notice that she was leaving. Not Giles who she walked right past, but he was drunk. Not Xander who barely seemed to be thinking of his own girlfriend. Not Buffy who was the only one who knew who she really was… at least of some it. And not even Willow.
Perhaps though she had been judging Anya by Willow’s standards. By her emotions, mixed up as they were regarding the ex-demon. Willow saw Anya as the woman who had taken the man she had wanted for most of her life. She saw her as an ex-demon. She saw her as someone who just wasn't very nice. But mainly it was the Xander thing. And it had insidiously tainted Tara’s own opinion of the woman who now looked about to follow her out of the room. It was tainting her… but it was understandable. And she could forgive Willow anything even when she was being sarcastic and nasty – but in a caring way – about her friends chances of survival against that Adam thing. Anything at all.
She headed for the nearest internal exit from the trouble zone and found herself in a hallway with really only one place to go. And someone following her. It didn’t surprise her at all that Anya had followed her example. The other young woman was far more sensitive than certainly Willow gave her credit for. Direct maybe, but no longer totally evil.
They shut themselves in Giles’ bathroom and closed the door behind them as if trying to shut out the reality of the other room. She wanted to slam it. To let them all know that there were others here. To try and jerk them back into reality with guilt. But she didn’t. She just softly shut it behind them – because this was that reality. Perhaps they had all been living in the fantasy world where nothing was wrong – or at least not admitted. That was what had brought them here to this time and this deconstruction of their friendships. Hopefully they would be able to rebuild something new and stronger from the wreckage.
They had suppressed the reality that they were not the same people that they had once been, back in high school. Just a year ago and in the same time, but everything had changed. Tara knew that even if Willow didn’t. She had seen Willow change in the shorter time that they had been together, and that had not even been the start of it. These Scooby’s, they seemed to think that everything would be all right if it was to stay just how it was. Newsflash. Everything was not as it was. And even if it had been it would not have been all right. That was just the way things were. Things changed.
People did.
Maybe it was actually better that they did this. Maybe it was better that they got this out of the way. Let themselves find their balance again. Discover what they were to each other now. Even if it drove them apart it had to be better than this – thought the timing could have been more than a little better what with another “big bad” – whatever that was supposed to be – on the rampage through Sunnydale. Sunnydale. Only I could come away from home to escape a demon heritage and find a Hellmouth, Tara thought to herself.
The sounds of the argument were muffled now but every so often something could be overheard like Xander whining about Fort Dix, Buffy trying to hold things together against the forces of nature and all possibility and Willow. Her Willow asking about “Witch Stuff” which for some reason was followed by a thud… goddess she hoped that they didn’t get violent because… well Mr Giles was in no state and Buffy would wipe the floor with them all and she didn’t want Willow hurt or seeking to defend herself in that state of mind.
They wouldn’t get violent, even during this storm. No. That was not who they were. They might come to hate each other but none of them would actually physically try to hurt another.
She leaned against the bathtub, Anya had already slipped past her and taken the place seated on the closed lid of the toilet. They didn’t know each other very well, had hardly met really, but they had been thrown together in an Englishman’s bathroom. For a bachelor it was amazingly sparkly and clean. Pine fresh too. Did English bachelors have a cleaning fetish? They had lots of those in England didn’t they? Fetishes. But this wasn't a bad one as they went. Tara could appreciate a clean bathroom and despite his drunken state Mr Giles moved further up in her estimation. But the only way to drown out the sounds of that argument was to speak themselves. It was almost worse hearing just odd words and phrases and having to guess the rest. Almost.
But what did they have to talk about?
The argument itself? No that was just asking for trouble, they might start to take sides themselves and it was possible that Anya, ex-vengeance demon, would be the least restrained person in this house.
‘You think this will go on a while?’ she asked the other woman.
‘Hard to say’ Anya replied to her as if this was an everyday occurrence she was unconcerned about. That her experience as a Scooby hanger-on was telling her that.
It sounded as if Anya didn’t care or at least that she didn’t doubt the outcome. But Tara wasn't convinced by that act – and it was an act. Anya had always seemed to her to be a very direct person and she knew the ex-demon’s history. But she was human now. Even if she didn’t want to be. A human in love. That had to hurt her just as much as it does me, Tara thought.
Funny that their positions were like a mirror. Anya was a human who didn’t want to be, who had been a demon and from the way she talked sometimes didn’t even want to be in love – just found herself there. And Tara herself, well she was a human who was in love, had wanted desperately wanted to be and faced losing it all to become a demon.
But she couldn’t raise that as a topic of conversation, could she? Could she ask this Anya what it was like? To be evil, or at least not human? Could she discover her fate? It would be a better to know wouldn’t it? And with the opportunity as it now was, to speak to her this would be the perfect time. But then her secret would be out… a secret that not even Willow knew… But to know…
‘Nice bathroom’ she finally said to Anya, looking around and she was not exaggerating. It was a nice bathroom. But it was not the place for that conversation.
Anya nodded. ‘Like the tile.’
‘Mmn’ Tara replied non-committal, she would have chosen a different colour but the styling was nice. And this was as Willow could be overheard making a comment about Xander and Anya, involving umbilical chords. It didn’t take a great deal of figuring out to read between those lines.
‘She…w-well, well she doesn’t…er…Willow I mean, she doesn’t.’ Tara started to make excuses for her lover and stopped as Anya just looked at her.
‘No she does. She means it. She just hasn’t said it before. People should say what they mean instead of pretending everything is ok. That’s dumb. That is how you get into arguments like that. And that’s why people need vengeance demons. Take it from me. I know’ Anya replied to Tara’s denial. She wasn't mad about it. It was like that anger had been sucked out of them both to feed the conflagration in the other room.
They fell silent for another minute. Looking around the room again searching for something else to say, until the words “Tara” and “Girlfriend” could be heard in the same sentence. Twice. Oh.
Tara just looked at Anya questioning the other woman with her eyes. Had she made it out?
Anya looked right back at her before asking, ‘What do you want? A round of applause?’
‘Uhh?’ Tara asked her fellow exile.
‘Well it has been kind of obvious. To those of us with half a brain and one malfunctioning eye. Willow is sad. Willow is inconsolable. God that was sooo… boring and inconsiderate. I had to be nice to her and everything. For ages. Then she starts to disappear all night and gets happier. Then you show up with her and she is even happier. Then Oz comes back and she mopes. You mope. He leaves and you two are everywhere together. And you are all over each other of course’ Anya summarised her detective work.
‘We are not… well not where we can…’ Tara replied to her.
‘No, but you touch hands. You play with hair. You tuck tags. And you look at each other. You two make eyes that would look good on a cow at each other. You are so obviously besotted it made me squirm.’ That was Anya - matter of fact but not unkind. Just factual.
Tara had to admit that Faith had noticed too. Maybe it took a different approach, a fresh, outsider’s perspective to notice the reality as it was now. ‘But you didn’t…’
‘Tell them? Oh no. You’re my security. You are all that stops Willow from trying to steal Xander from me. He’s mine. Not hers.’ That was said with some force by the ex-vengeance demon and it revealed the depth of her feelings for Alexander Harris.
‘Not all…’ Tara replied. ‘There is the little matter of…’
‘Yes, yes and she’s yours. Any fool can see that too,’ Anya admitted.
Tara had been about to use the “G” word, but smiled, nervous still in the presence of this forceful young woman, appreciating the observation nonetheless. That someone other than her saw that. She didn’t need Anya’s validation, but it was nice to have anyway.
‘Unfortunately that lot in there are worse than fools. They are friends who forgot what that meant. What it required of them and besides Xander’s a man… a red blooded beautifully built hunk of manhood – he’d get turned on by the thought of you two - together, so I didn’t say anything about it. And now I’ll have to all sorts of things for him to get his mind off that…’ Anya started to smile and shifted that to a knowing grin that Tara well understood the meaning of. She smiled at it herself as she left Anya in the midst of her thoughts on that subject.
And the argument continued.
After a load of shouting the front door slammed and everything went quiet for a minute before more low voices a double shout of “Right” and the door slammed twice more. Given that this was Giles’ place and he wouldn’t be leaving – unless he had managed to forget he lived here then that meant they had been left behind. And neither woman thought that Giles was that drunk.
‘Should we look?’ Tara finally asked five, silent, minutes later upset at having being left behind by the woman she loved – and Anya didn’t look much happier about Xander. More than that though Tara was worried about the state of the person she loved if she could leave her behind. Get carried that far away. Things must be even worse than they had sounded.
‘Well I am not staying in here all night. I think Giles might be sick before morning’ Anya replied and it made a convincing argument in it’s own right. Barfing English ex-librarians… uuhhh.
They left the bathroom together, instep and ready to be supportive, and went out of the hallway into the main room. Everything was where it had been left. Willow’s laptop, jackets, research materials, the disks. Everything had been abandoned in the heat of the argument. Important stuff. Unsure of exactly how to do anything more than what she was doing Tara just shut the laptop down and took the disks out to stop anything from happening to them and then grabbed her own coat intending to catch Willow, but she, like Xander, was long gone. Giles was slumped up the stairs but they had no intention of rousing him or trying to put him to bed so they just dragged his feet off the stairs so he wouldn’t roll down them and left him there wrapping himself in a rug and murmuring about cross-indexing.
‘Well! I guessed that Willow would leave you here but Xander should have come back for me. He knows that. I told him I wanted sex tonight.’ Anya said petulantly to her they stood outside Giles’ place.
This time it was Tara’s turn to just look at the other woman. She ignored the slur on Willow. Too much information.
‘Alright, I’m sorry that’s a “private moment” thing. You want to walk back to my place?’ Anya asked her.
The offer seemed reasonable as it was much closer than her own dorm. And she had no idea where Willow and Buffy would go tonight. They were supposed to share a room… Willow might need her, but right now there didn’t seem much she could do. She didn’t ever want to tell Willow what she wanted to hear, just what she needed to and more than that she didn’t want to fight with Willow over something that was not her business. Nothing to do with her. And they might… if she went back there tonight. She’d tell Willow stuff that she had to hear and they would fight. This wasn't what their first fight should be about. It should be about the two of them when it eventually happened. And it would one day. Not other people. Willow could use her clandestinely copied key and stay in her single room if she wanted. It seemed better.
‘Thanks, yes’ Tara replied.
They walked in silence for a few minutes before Tara eventually said ‘We’ve got a kitten you know.’
Anya didn’t reply at first, apparently uninterested and they just walked on. ‘Xander and I are having a puppy,’ she finally said triumphant as if that trumped Tara’s kitten. ‘Well not having like giving birth, getting. But I did that once. I made the pregnant mistress of an adulterer give birth to a dog. Anya looked kind of wistful, as if the next words from her mouth would be “those were the days.” Whilst they might indeed have been the days they were not the words that she uttered. ‘Well it’s on my list of things we have to do. That or children I haven’t decided yet. Or a boat.’
Tara didn’t think that explaining the differences between boats, puppies and children would have much effect on Anya. She had a list after all. That was kind of serious. They lapsed back into silence and kept walking.
‘I think – I think we, me and Willow, might start looking at getting a place for next year. We were talking about it, together maybe,’ Tara revealed. She wasn't playing a game of one-up-womanship but it was one up. If it happened.
Anya replied again, quicker this time but much less triumphant. ‘Xander has a place I can stay over it already. It has a hot plate.’
Tara nodded and they shut up again, neither of them sure about the advantages of the hot plate. Or Xander’s basement. The fact was that Willow had not actually suggested that they get a place, just that there were places. Places Buffy wasn’t. And anyway she wasn't even sure that it was what she wanted… sure it would be nice, but there would be no space and it was times like this that you wanted your own space. Maybe they could try it in summer – if Willow didn’t go back home – see what happened for a few weeks.
When they finally reached Anya’s place Tara left a message at Willow’s and on her own phone to tell her lover where she was. She tried hard not to sound as annoyed as Anya had when she called Xander. She didn’t want to be angry or upset. And there was no talk of missed sexual opportunities either. There was enough of that going around. Anger and missed sex talk.
‘You coming to bed or what?’ Anya asked her as she came off the phone. Before she could say a word, Anya felt the need to clarify that question. ‘Not in a gay way though. Just two people in a bed in a totally non-gay way. I was just trying to be polite.’ She smiled as if waiting to be told how polite she was being.
‘Thank you in an absolutely not gay way. I wouldn’t anyway – Willow, Xander,’ Tara replied to the other woman recognising the possibility of a little mischief to pay her back for that comment about Willow. Not that she was vindictive or anything…
‘Yes. Xander. Willow’ Anya repeated as Tara got under the cover beside her and the light was turned out.
‘Besides I don’t well, I wouldn’t… with you.’ She couldn’t resist that final good-natured dig. If Anya wanted to compete then she can play on my turf, Tara thought to herself. Wow, my turf. That’s a first.
Anya thought about that a moment… ‘Why? What’s wrong with me…?’ Tara ignored her. ‘No come on, what’s wrong with me?’
Tara just smiled to herself and rolled over, still ignoring Anya’s questions. By the tenth minute of badgering and demand for explanations it still seemed worth it.
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She's my always
[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited September 18, 2001).]
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An interesting look at what might have happened behind the scenes. It was nice to see Tara feeling comfortable enough to have a bit of a dig at Anya. It would be well worth checking back on this budding friendship further down the track.
Ubicumque gentium is, ibi es.
(Wherever in the world you go, there you are.)
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Katharyn
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She's my always
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Katharyn
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She's my always
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Hope you like it
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*had to close the window with the picture in it because she was thinking naughty thoughts*
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"She looked across at Willow, whose face was filled with light. She had never felt so calm and happy, and strong..." ~ Unseen: Door To Alternity
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I looked at this picture, blushed, and then looked at it some more (for quite a while really!) How do you do it - get so much meaning into a few squiggles and lines? Oh well, I don't care how - I'll just appreciate it.
Scribite hoc in tabula dare ut videamus utram felis id scriberet!
(Let’s post it on the board and see if the kitties will comment on it!)
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I do hope Tara gives Willow a little what-for for leaving Giles' place without her. Just a little. Maybe a glare and a "I slept with Anya last night," letting Willow be aghast for ten seconds before saying, "Not that way."
Sorry. I shouldn't write your fic for you. I have enough trouble with my own stuff. I hate writer's block. I'll shut up now.
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"I will say, I've been in some weird places, but this is…another weird place."
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Katharyn
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She's my always
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Don't change!
Hodie mihi, cras tibi.
(literally 'Today is mine, tomorrow is yours' or 'you'll get yours')
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But it's cool to read anya/tara bonding. It really does work well.
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Katharyn
Hey I'm Willowhand, can I stay here forever??
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She's my always
[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited September 19, 2001).]
[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited September 19, 2001).]
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My own interpretation of Tara's adorable little skip in "Primevel" was sheer pleasure that now everybody knows she and Willow are a couple--Willow said so in front of everybody!
JMHO
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"O let my name be in the Book of Love.
If it be there, I care not of
That other book Above...
Strike it out! Or write it in anew.
But let it be in the Book of Love!"
--Omar Kyam
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Katharyn
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She's my always
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An interesting look at what might have happened behind the scenes. It was nice to see Tara feeling comfortable enough to have a bit of a dig at Anya. It would be well worth checking back on this budding friendship further down the track.
Ubicumque gentium is, ibi es.
(Wherever in the world you go, there you are.)
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posted September 18, 2001 14:48 Hmmmm. Anya and Tara in a little sisterly bonding. Hmmmm. Lots to think about here.An interesting look at what might have happened behind the scenes. It was nice to see Tara feeling comfortable enough to have a bit of a dig at Anya. It would be well worth checking back on this budding friendship further down the track.
Ubicumque gentium is, ibi es.
(Wherever in the world you go, there you are.)
Katharyn
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She's my always
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posted September 18, 2001 14:53 Actually Kerry the set up for this came from the way Tara can sit and explain her joke to Anya in "Family" - I just thought....mmmn, Scooby Girlfriends Yay! (which was almost the title of this fic) Meaning that Tara seemed far more comfortable with Anya than certainly Willow is.Katharyn
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She's my always
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posted September 18, 2001 14:58 huaa! So cool! Tara and Anya moment ^__^ Katharyn
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She's my always
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posted September 18, 2001 15:10 I have just seen the aforementioned pic that KittyKo (Vanessa) did for Burning Bright. You should definitely beg her to post the link - I am not rude enough to post it for her.Katharyn
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She's my always
Hope you like it
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posted September 18, 2001 15:20 *nhif nhif nhif*Hope you like it
IP: LoggedtommoLesbian Gay Type Lover *had to close the window with the picture in it because she was thinking naughty thoughts*
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"She looked across at Willow, whose face was filled with light. She had never felt so calm and happy, and strong..." ~ Unseen: Door To Alternity
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posted September 18, 2001 15:45 KittyKo, you manage to convey so much in one picture. Truly impressive. Just a nitpicky thing, is there an 's' on the end of Beginning that shouldn't be there?*had to close the window with the picture in it because she was thinking naughty thoughts*
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"She looked across at Willow, whose face was filled with light. She had never felt so calm and happy, and strong..." ~ Unseen: Door To Alternity
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posted September 18, 2001 15:50 Thank you tommo I looked at this picture, blushed, and then looked at it some more (for quite a while really!) How do you do it - get so much meaning into a few squiggles and lines? Oh well, I don't care how - I'll just appreciate it.
Scribite hoc in tabula dare ut videamus utram felis id scriberet!
(Let’s post it on the board and see if the kitties will comment on it!)
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posted September 18, 2001 16:37I looked at this picture, blushed, and then looked at it some more (for quite a while really!) How do you do it - get so much meaning into a few squiggles and lines? Oh well, I don't care how - I'll just appreciate it.
Scribite hoc in tabula dare ut videamus utram felis id scriberet!
(Let’s post it on the board and see if the kitties will comment on it!)
I do hope Tara gives Willow a little what-for for leaving Giles' place without her. Just a little. Maybe a glare and a "I slept with Anya last night," letting Willow be aghast for ten seconds before saying, "Not that way."
Sorry. I shouldn't write your fic for you. I have enough trouble with my own stuff. I hate writer's block. I'll shut up now.
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"I will say, I've been in some weird places, but this is…another weird place."
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posted September 18, 2001 17:00 Good for Tara! I'm glad she got Anya back a little bit. Even so, this was the beginning of a fairly nice friendship between the "Scooby Wives Club." Tara's the secretary, Anya's the treasurer, Riley can be sgt.-at-arms (in absentia). Heh.I do hope Tara gives Willow a little what-for for leaving Giles' place without her. Just a little. Maybe a glare and a "I slept with Anya last night," letting Willow be aghast for ten seconds before saying, "Not that way."
Sorry. I shouldn't write your fic for you. I have enough trouble with my own stuff. I hate writer's block. I'll shut up now.
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"I will say, I've been in some weird places, but this is…another weird place."
Katharyn
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She's my always
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posted September 19, 2001 00:45 Oh yeah Cap,why do you think that I actually put her there in that bed with Anya? I had to struggle to justify that in the fic but I wanted the very scene that you suggest. All I have to do is add it to the next part which I would guess will be posted on Friday unless I have a very productive couple of days.Katharyn
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She's my always
Don't change!
Hodie mihi, cras tibi.
(literally 'Today is mine, tomorrow is yours' or 'you'll get yours')
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posted September 19, 2001 01:07 You are a devious, wicked woman Katharyn.Don't change!
Hodie mihi, cras tibi.
(literally 'Today is mine, tomorrow is yours' or 'you'll get yours')
But it's cool to read anya/tara bonding. It really does work well.
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posted September 19, 2001 02:38 Ahh that's an interesting take on it. I would have bet money Tara slept with Willow that night and did her best to try to make Willow forget the scooby fight. I could tell by the skip in Tara's step the morning after in "Primeval."But it's cool to read anya/tara bonding. It really does work well.
IP: LoggedKatharynSassy Eggs Katharyn
Hey I'm Willowhand, can I stay here forever??
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She's my always
[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited September 19, 2001).]
[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited September 19, 2001).]
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posted September 19, 2001 13:28 Actually Xita I thought so too when I watched it, but what can I say this struck me as more...interesting. Also who says that there will not be a early morning reason for having a spring in her step? Specially as now you mention that spring I shall have to explain it!*S* BUt seriously I can't actually see that given those events the comforting would be necessarily sexual anyway, not that night anyway. So it may be morning works better?Katharyn
Hey I'm Willowhand, can I stay here forever??
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She's my always
[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited September 19, 2001).]
[This message has been edited by Katharyn (edited September 19, 2001).]
IP: LoggedZahirGay Now! My own interpretation of Tara's adorable little skip in "Primevel" was sheer pleasure that now everybody knows she and Willow are a couple--Willow said so in front of everybody!
JMHO
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"O let my name be in the Book of Love.
If it be there, I care not of
That other book Above...
Strike it out! Or write it in anew.
But let it be in the Book of Love!"
--Omar Kyam
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posted September 19, 2001 15:24 I do love Anya--and this last bit with her was just too perfect!My own interpretation of Tara's adorable little skip in "Primevel" was sheer pleasure that now everybody knows she and Willow are a couple--Willow said so in front of everybody!
JMHO
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"O let my name be in the Book of Love.
If it be there, I care not of
That other book Above...
Strike it out! Or write it in anew.
But let it be in the Book of Love!"
--Omar Kyam
Katharyn
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She's my always
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posted September 20, 2001 00:27 Mmmn, Zahir. That was how I had originally written the next part, with Tara happy over that fact and Willow not quite so sure at least about how it was revealed, but now there are so many interesting possibilities. Tune in tomorrow to find out what I decide to do with this - cause right now I don't know!Katharyn
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She's my always
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