by Chance » Fri Oct 19, 2001 2:26 pm
I'm glad I could please the kitties.
Next part tonight or tomorrow, still recovering from last night's activites. Love to you all -- May you say "I love you" before there's no time left to do it. -M.
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I apologize for the delay, the reason of course is I'm having a bout of writer's block, mainly because I'm lacking the music I need to do it.
So gimme a day or two more. As soon as it's done, it'll be right here.
I'm sorry, guys.
M.
[This message has been edited by Chance (edited October 23, 2001).]
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del
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quote:
Originally posted by Chance:
I apologize for the delay, the reason of course is I'm having a bout of writer's block, mainly because I'm lacking the music I need to do it.
If it's music you lack, I'd be happy to help. I've got 425 CDs and 300 tapes at your disposal *deep bow*
K.
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"Sometimes, we just can't make it on our own. We all need someone to love us, to help remind us that there's good in the world, to keep us from going crazy."
Willow from Dacia's The Dreamer Awakes
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Thanks Kieli, babe, but I actually think I just found the perfect thing. But if not, you'll be the first I come running to.
Soon, I'm actually not even at home, which makes life a little difficult. Buffalo today, Manhattan tomorrow night, Jersey by Friday, maybe Saturday, and then Montauk. (Feel pity for my car.) But if I have to, I'll write it out and type it on the run.
-M.
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Rating: Probably an R, it’ll probably get racy… and it’s Faith, language and such.
Disclaimer: I feel like I’m a little kid playing with her big brother’s very expensive, very complex toys and if I got caught I’d be in trouble. But, I’ll put ‘em back where I found em! And I’ll so be careful! (And I don’t own ‘em, and I’m not making money from this.)
Note: The song is Digital Allies’ “Without You”. This may be kind of awkward, I’m not sure if it works. But I think it needed to happen, and Faith just seems to inspire the most music. I can’t explain it.
Dedication: To Kris, my best friend… you’ll never see this and you’ll never know. But I’m sorry for my sins, and I forgive you yours. Now if only we could deal with actually talking to each other. We’re just stuck in the cycle.
Since You’ve Been Gone
Chance
Chapter Ten : The Memories Won't Go Away
The panic spread through her almost as soon as she opened her eyes. Normally, with her slayer senses, she'd be able to detect some trace of light, but here there was none. She was alone in the darkness. She felt trapped, she moved her arms out to her sides, and found herself with very little room to move. She was lying down, so with both her arms she pushed up. Solid. She was in a box, a wooden box. How had she wound up here? She searched her memory banks, she couldn't remember. It wasn't terribly difficult to breathe, and yet her lungs screamed as she inhaled. All she knew was she wanted out. Using what little strength she had, she pushed with her hands and feet, the full strength of her legs and arms beneath her, and pushed. She pushed through the wall, but found... dirt? DIRT? "WHERE AM I?" she screamed in her own brain, the ability to speak lost for the moment in confusion. "I've been buried. I've been buried alive! I'VE BEEN BURIED ALIVE!" Her breathing became fast and irregular. Slowly things started to fit into place. She was in a coffin. They must have thought she died... And still things became clearer as she came to remember what had happened. Glory. Dawn. I killed myself. Instantly her body flipped into action.
In a combination of punches and digging, she slowly began digging her away through six feet of earth. At first moist and heavy as she took a final breath as all the dirt poured in her face. Digging as quickly as she could, she felt weak, though still stronger than she could only imagine most humans felt. She fought up, feeling her hands scrape and bleed in the process. It was mere annoyance, she had to get herself out. And suddenly, just as quickly as she had started, she stopped. The full weight of the situation hit her suddenly. She wondered if she should bother to keep going. Tears bit at the back of her eyes, and suddenly she felt hot, flushed as they rushed down her cheeks, each carving a path next to the other but never truly intersecting. She wondered if dying again would be worse than dying the first time.
* * *
Tara yawned, curling further into Willow’s body beside her. The redhead responded by placing a supportive arm over her lover. Tara smiled, Willow made her feel safe. Dawn was glued to the television movie they had started to watch by accident, and had been oblivious to her caretakers’ eyes on her. Willow turned and mouthed “Do you think she’s okay?” Tara nodded, leaning in to nuzzle Willow’s neck. She took a brief stop around Willow’s ears to whisper “She’s fine.” Before finding the perfect notch where her head fit – where Willow’s head meets her shoulder. They both sighed, quietly, contentedly. Tara’s eyes closed, and she was soon lost. Embraced by the familiar scent of Willow’s skin, and the perfume of her hair, Tara’s mind drifted.
Willow was getting better again with each day, her energies now focused less on how she was going to deal than with how Dawn was going to deal. She had accepted her best friend wasn’t coming back. It was a nice change to see Willow being herself again, and Tara was glad to have her partner back. They could converse now without one of them breaking down into tears. It was still bad, Willow still cried sometimes in her sleep. But they were going to get through this, Tara was sure of that now. Faith had seen to that. Unfortunately, Faith didn’t seem to be getting any better. She had this notion of being the gang’s one protector. Faith knew that everyone accepted the risks of being a Scooby, but no longer would Faith allow them to take them. Faith even stopped Giles from trying to patrol.
And Tara was pretty sure she heard Faith crying for a few nights. The Slayer certainly didn’t sleep. “Bonafide insomniac.” Faith had said, her eyes faded for a moment, as if she had regressed to a different time. “Had to watch my back… you learn in prison not to sleep.” Tara pushed back the overwhelming sadness that had crept through her, when it was originally said, and just now thinking about it. Tara sighed.
The arm Willow had thrown over her was now applying slight pressure to her. When Tara opened her eyes and looked up, Willow smiled. “I wondered where you went.”
“What time is it?”
“Past our bedtimes.” Willow smiled. “It’s late.” She glanced over at Dawn. “Hey Dawn? It’s time to go to bed.”
Dawn barely glanced up, transfixed in the television. “Okay.”
“So you ready?” Willow’s eyes touched Tara’s softly.
Tara laughed. “Willow – no enforcement?”
“So she doesn’t want to go to bed.” Willow looked confused, offering a “so what” look. Ever since Buffy, she had been giving Dawn a lot of slack.
“It’s late, Will.” Tara turned, and pulled herself off of Willow, resting a gentle hand on Dawn. “C’mon, you have a test tomorrow, let’s go.”
Dawn sighed, jumped up, shut off the television and turned to the couple with a hard stare. “I really could care less about my test.”
“I care.” Tara replied, meeting Dawn’s gaze head on. “Go to bed.”
It was Dawn who broke finally. “Fine.” She seemed exasperated, but she did give them both a hug before she trudged up the stairs.
* * *
Buffy was running out of will, and she knew it. It was becoming harder to dig. But she pressed on, and she knew that it wasn’t for her own well being. She could sense the need as it lingered about this place, the longing. It was as if death had granted her the ability to sense emotion. And it was not long the lingering emotion, but her sense of duty. To Dawn. To Willow. To Xander. To Giles. To Tara and Anya, even… And to Faith? Faith? Why did she feel as if she owed Faith anything? Because even as she knew Faith had betrayed her, she also knew Faith had awakened something within her. And right now, that was part of what was helping her fight her way out.
~Without you, Without you, Without you, Without you, Without you, Without you, Without you, Without you, Without you, Without you, Without you…”
* * *
Faith had been walking for what seemed like hours, and she found herself in the club again. It was dark and seedy, enough to hide her tear stained face and still red eyes. She had stopped outside the Summers residence, but found herself unable to go in. Could she deal with letting Tara and Willow and Dawn seeing her like this? She doubted it. She just didn’t have it in her yet. The dance floor seemed open and inviting, and if there was any place in the world Faith could vent it was there. She passed through the throngs of women, all of whom stared after her. Faith knew she was attractive, but not tonight. She knew that they must feel her pain and grief. She wondered why people flocked to that, why they found it so mystifyingly attractive. She made her way to the DJ, more demanding than requesting her song. She made her way out onto the dance floor and the DJ, scared in part for her life, and convinced that this was going to at least be interesting to watch, tossed in the disc requested. As the previous song ended, the club seemed silent in its rapt attention on Faith. She didn’t notice. The song started, it’s music pumping through the speakers, a drug Faith had to take. She inhaled deeply, as if to suck it through her nose and straight into her blood stream. And soon she was going, and there was no stopping her. The other dancers cleared the floor, almost in awe, scared to get in her way.
~You’re the one, You’re the one, You’re the one, You’re the one, You’re the one, You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you, You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you.~
The music soon pounded out any other thought, Faith dissolved into motion. It was as if the trance took over, leaving Faith’s body to perform as it would. Better to move than to stop and cry. But Faith, Faith just watched herself, an out of body experience. She simply allowed her emotions to sweep through her and out.
~If I could relive my life, I know what I would change, all the times I made you cry, all my thoughts that caused you pain, I know sorry won’t be enough, to tell you how wrong I’ve been, But I don’t know where to start to live my life without you…~
She danced on and on, pouring her energy out, and it flew from her, moving through space and time as if traveling somewhere else.
* * *
Buffy felt a surge of energy like she’d never been given before. And she pulled and clawed and fought, and the dirt gave under her force. She was nearing the top, she could smell the clean air. The fight was not over, but she knew she could make it.
~You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you, You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you. Without You. Without You. Without You. Without You. Without You. ~
When she reached the top, she pulled herself out onto the top soil. She collapsed into the fetal position, hugging herself. She didn’t move. The weight of what she had just done hit her hard, she felt much like poor Atlas. Who had done this? Who had resurrected her? She couldn’t tell. There was no one in the area that seemed to come to her aid. She simply lay there. She didn’t have the energy to do anything else.
* * *
Faith left the club as the song ended. She didn’t bother to stop, regardless of the many onlookers who tried to step in her way. Surprising herself, she was gentle with them, only shooting them a “not now” look as she passed by in a shot. When she made it out the door, she found herself overcome. Her face felt hot behind her cheeks and around her eyes, and it burned slightly. Her legs felt weak, if she tried to walk much further, she’d fall. She retreated to the nearest alley, and slid down the wall, and sobbed for the second time that evening.
~As the days go passing by, my feelings stay the same, I have you always on my mind, I’m living constantly in pain, I know I really should be moving on, but the memories won’t go away, I have you always in my heart, and when I close my eyes I find you.~
The music still pounded in her head, the song seeming to sum up all she felt and all she needed to say. Now she was crying in time with the rythmn instead of dancing to it.
~You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you, You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you. You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you.~
She laughed bitterly through her tears. “Well, it can’t get much worse. But I certainly can’t keep going like this.”
* * *
“I’m sorry if I’m not helping with the parental on Dawn. It’s just, I can only imagine how hard all of this must be for her, I mean, her Mom, and Buffy…” Willow’s voice trailed.
“It’s okay. You’re still dealing, too. I can do it for now, but we’re all gonna have to take some responsibility for this soon, because Dawn’s gonna need a lot of our attention. And school’s starting back up for us pretty soon.”
“You’re right. I know you’re right.” Willow watched as Tara slipped into her typical nightgown. Her lips flirted with a smile, as she recalled the first time she had ever seen Tara in it. It was the first night Willow had let her new girlfriend come to bed with clothes on at all, and it was only because they both had tests early the next morning. She hadn’t known what to expect, honestly, but she supposed she had guessed her girlfriend was a sweats type gal. She couldn’t have been more happily wrong. Tara had just reached into her drawer and grabbed a simple black slip. It sat on her shoulders with spaghetti straps, and slid down her body, making those curves of hers even more delicious. The silky material of it had made the slopes of her breasts and the points of her nipples all the more prominent. Willow salivated. Tara seemed unaware.
“That’s what you wear to bed?!?” Willow exclaimed, surprised at the force in them.
“Why? Is there something wrong with it?” Tara glanced down at herself, suddenly feeling unsure. She knew it was getting pretty ratty, her Mom had bought her it before… Well, it was one of the last things her Mother had given her, and she loved wearing it. It was the most comfortable thing to sleep in, in part because of the material and in part because of the warm feeling the memory of her mother lingered in the material.
“I don’t know how you expect me to keep my hands off of you.”
Tara simply beamed, and she couldn’t have been more radiant. “Well, you’ll just have to learn. I wear this all the time, Willow! It’s not sexy!”
“Tara… how many times do I have to explain to you? You’re never not sexy.”
Willow and Tara both aced their tests. Even with only a half hour of sleep. “I love your sleep wear.”
Tara laughed, and it filled the room. Willow nearly wept at the joy in it. “You have since the beginning.”
“And I will till the end of us both.”
“I really do love you, Ms. Willow Rosenberg.”
“And I couldn’t be more madly in love with you…” Willow stared at Tara for a moment. “Tara, I couldn’t make it through a day without you. You know that, right?”
“I know, Willow.” Tara cocked her head. “I know.”
“I don’t ever want to spend another day without you.”
“You won’t have to. What’s all of this about, babe?”
“It just struck me that I want to marry you.” Willow smiled. “I want to be yours and I want you to be mine in the truest possible way. Tara, marry me.”
“Willow, we’re happy the way we are. Let’s let things settle a little bit, and then if you still want to marry me this desperately…”
“Tara! I don’t want things to settle! Things will never settle. And I will always want to marry you. I can’t go on without you.”
“But…”
“No buts, Tara. This is a good thing. This is amazing, it’s perfect. Trust me, Tara. This is something that I want and need to do.” Willow’s brow creased. “Unless you don’t want to marry me…”
“Willow, don’t be silly! Of course I want to marry you, but Dawn, and…”
“Faith?”
“I know that she’s not your favorite person, but I worry about her.”
“I do too. I understand. Just promise you’ll marry me, and we’ll wait till at least the grief eases.”
“I promise I’ll marry you.”
Willow smiled, and held her arms open. Tara quickly filled them. And they stood like that for awhile, just enjoying the feeling of being complete.
~You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you. You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you. And I can’t go on, I can’t go on without you. Without You. Without You. Without You. Without You. ~
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del
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Katharyn
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She's my always
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Sorry guys -- it's been rough as hell lately.
Rating: Probably an R, it’ll probably get racy… and it’s Faith, language and such.
Disclaimer: I feel like I’m a little kid playing with her big brother’s very expensive, very complex toys and if I got caught I’d be in trouble. But, I’ll put ‘em back where I found em! And I’ll so be careful! (And I don’t own ‘em, and I’m not making money from this.)
Note: I’m not in the mood to tell you what song it is. I’m pretty sure you’ll know it once you see it. I give credit to the amazing guys who wrote it though.
As Soon As You Were Gone
Chance
Chapter Eleven: Some Are Dead And Some Are Living
When Buffy opened her eyes again, she had no concept of how much time had gone by. Minutes, hours, she wasn’t sure. She slowly began sizing up where she was. She was the slayer, after all, she patrolled these cemeteries every night for four years. She couldn’t tell, though. They had buried her deep in the cemetery, just as Giles had told her they would. Her eyes settled on her own tombstone, a strange feeling washed over her. She reached out and traced the letters with her hand. “She saved the world alot.” Buffy felt the slightest ghost of a smile touching her lips, pulling them up at the tips. She sighed, knowing she had better get moving. Buffy rose up slowly, testing her legs for the first time. She stood solidly, getting used to the feeling of using her body again. She felt numb, displaced. Attempting to shake it off, she headed for the gates, and then to the roads. “Sunnydale, here I come.”
* * *
Faith glanced at her watch. The sun would be coming up in another hour or two, and quite frankly, a warm bed sounded rather appealing at the particular moment. She headed back for the Summers home, her new residence. That thought struck her hard – her residence? She lived in Buffy’s house. She took care of Buffy’s sister. She smiled briefly, testing it out on her features. She had packed Dawn’s lunch that morning. “When did I become so fucking domestic?” She surprised herself at how nice it felt to be heading home to a group of women who actually liked her company. For the first time in a long time, she was expected somewhere. Expected to be home, to let them know where she was going so they wouldn’t worry. As much as she hated to admit it, she honestly enjoyed Tara’s reminders to take care of herself, to be careful. She wanted to be there when something silly happened to make Dawnie spit her milk out of her nose. Or when Willow started to babble because she could never decide what to make for dinner. Despite how much of a reminder it was that she was alone, she loved watching Willow and Tara tuck Dawn in for the night as a couple. She found it cute when she walked in on them kissing when they thought they were alone. Or stealing glances at each other, looking to one another for reassurance. And Dawn’s horrible teenybopper excuse for music was even growing on her. She wasn’t a big Mandy Moore fan, but she was a fan of watching Dawn sing to herself in the mirror using her hairbrush as a microphone. She had a family, and that, if nothing else in her life, felt good. She hurried home a little bit faster.
* * *
Tara’s eyes were barely open as she made her way down the stairs, a blanket draped over her shoulders. She knocked into the end table, because she was so tired. “I have to stop letting Willow keep me up,” she murmured. Basically using her hands to find the doorframe of the kitchen, she moseyed in and began making the coffee, which she knew would keep her awake long enough to get Dawn to school. She didn’t notice Faith sitting on a stool at the counter.
“Need help?”
Tara jumped five feet in the air at the unexpected voice. “Faith, you scared me!”
“Sorry, I haven’t gone to bed yet.” She chuckled. “Have you?”
Tara flashed that half smile, and even Faith felt herself respond. “I’m exhausted.”
“She really should let you at least nap.” Faith shook her head. “It’s always the quiet ones.”
“That’s what everyone keeps telling us.” Tara smiled. “How was patrolling?”
“Uneventful.” Faith grabbed the coffee from the fridge and a filter from the cabinet, handing them both to the blond.
“Oh? So why are you home so late?”
Faith shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep.”
Tara nodded, understanding. “Are you okay?”
Faith bit down her initial reaction to tell the blond to fuck off. It was an old instinct she was still getting used to dismissing. Instead, she took a deep breath. “Not really, but I feel better.” She took another breath, and Tara turned to look at her. Her blue eyes sought for Faith’s, and caught them – Tara’s eyes were filled with concern, genuine concern. It took Faith so off guard, she just spit out the rest. “I feel better knowing I have you guys around – you know, you, Willow, Dawn. Makes it easier.”
Tara smiled, and rubbed Faith’s back with her hand. She turned, and continued to make the coffee, letting Faith’s words hang in the air between them. It left such a positive flow in the room.
* * *
She watched Tara’s relative ease with the dark slayer aghast. She had never thought this is where the world would go. How could she? She had trusted Tara, and here she was, comforting a killer in her kitchen with her sister tucked asleep upstairs. She nearly stormed the house then and there. Instead, something inside of her told her to hold back. After all, Faith had helped Tara make coffee. Buffy wondered how long Faith had been in the house, how much she knew. She seemed rather comfortable in a house where she had once tried to kill her Mother. Thankfully, Dawn was at a friend’s house that night, otherwise she would have killed the other slayer then. She often thought she should have. She winced. A gnawing pain set in, just in her abdomen. It happened every time she thought of the dark slayer, like a reminder of the knife she had once shoved into her companion’s stomach. It hurt every bit as much as a knife would have, but more emotionally, more spiritually than anything physical. Her Slayer senses picked up on the sound of footsteps on the staircase before Tara did. Taking a glance at Faith, she knew that the girl had heard them too. She focused back onto the kitchen scene, watching as Willow sleepily entered the room. If fireworks were to happen, it would be now.
* * *
Faith found herself with a weird feeling in the pit of her stomach, she could swear they were being watched. But before she could make any move to check, Willow wandered in, yawning. The redhead’s eyes drifted up and met Faith’s. Willow smiled. “Morning Faith.”
“Morning.” Faith found herself smiling back. “How are you?”
“Wonderful.” Willow’s smile was bright, the brilliance of it catching even Faith off guard. To say Willow was in a good mood would have been a gross understatement.
“Good.” Faith opened the paper in front of her, reading over the front page, shaking her head at all of the evil in the world. A comfortable hush fell over the room, broken only by Faith exclaiming at something she had read. Willow curled up on Tara’s shoulder, content to sit there as Tara waited for the coffee.
Tara turned and caught Willow in her arms, venturing in to steal a kiss from her lover. “Morning.”
“Good morning, love.” Willow smiled.
Faith hopped up from her stool. “You two have your moment, I’ll wake Short Stuff.” She bound up the stairs towards Dawn’s room.
* * *
Willow had forgiven Faith? How did that happen? Buffy was still staring into the kitchen, amazed. Willow and Faith actually civil to one another. She imagined Tara must have something to do with the forgive and forget, but still, Willow had hated Faith with a fiery vengeance. How had she dealt with that? Buffy suddenly felt very alone. Things were not as they once were. She wasn’t sure how to deal with that. She didn’t even know if she could face them. She didn’t know if she could deal with living here. She wasn’t even really sure if she was psyched about being alive. She had been so… blissfully peaceful where she was. To be ripped from that back to life – well, it was cruel. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do, but the first step was getting herself out of her funeral gown. She felt like a zombie from those cheesy horror movies that Xander used to make them watch. The Magic Shop should have a leftover outfit or two from her training days. She could probably break in with little to no trouble, it was way too early for Anya to open anyway. She managed to sit, pondering her next move before traipsing through Sunnydale. She was desperately afraid someone who thought she was very much no longer walking on the ground. She didn’t know if she could handle that situation.
* * *
With Dawn already off to school, and Tara and Willow disappeared back in their room, Faith felt confident she was pretty alone. She stole to the back door, stepping outside in the morning air to clear her thoughts. She found herself humming an old tune she could swear her mother used to play. She remembered what it was now, and she half laughed to herself. The laugh was empty, shallow – it hurt.
* * *
Buffy had hidden even further down in the bushes as Dawn ran down the front wak towards the school bus. She watched her sister for a moment, totally amazed at hot much she'd grown in... however long she'd been gone. She was surprised when she heard the back door open. When Faith appeared from behind it, she went absolutely still, but quickly realized the Slayer was off in another world. Buffy sat, totally transfixed with the dark slayer. Could she really be humming The Beatles?
* * *
She sighed, running a hand through her hair. “B.” She sighed again. And then Faith started to lend her voice to the song, singing softly under her breath.
~There are places I remember, all my life, though some have changed.
Some forever not for better, some have gone, and some remain.
All these places have their moments, but loves and friends I still can recall.
Some are dead and some are living, In my life, I loved them all.
But of all these friends and lovers, there is no one compares with you.
And these memories lose their meaning, when I think of love as something new.
Though I know I’ll never lose affection for people and things that went before,
I know I’ll often stop and think about them, In my life, I love you more.
Though I know I’ll never lose affection for people and things that went before,
I know I’ll often stop and think about them, In my life, I love you more.
In my life – I love you more.~
* * *
Buffy sat, paralyzed. Faith. Singing the Beatles. She was intoxicated with the sound of Faith’s voice. It sounded so haunted, so beautiful. She never knew Faith could sing. She moved in a daze to stand, caught completely off guard. And had she said B?
* * *
Faith caught something moving out of the corner of her eye. She flipped around to look, and suddenly she was face to face with her best dream and worst nightmare. And, quite frankly, she couldn’t have been more frightened.
“B?”
[This message has been edited by Chance (edited January 21, 2002).]
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hope the next part doesn't take as long
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Great update.
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The new Indigo Girls album, "Become You," is in stores Feb. 26, 2002. For
more info, check out Indigo Girls web site at: http://www.indigogirls.com
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Great update Chance.
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I apologize for the delay, the reason of course is I'm having a bout of writer's block, mainly because I'm lacking the music I need to do it.
So gimme a day or two more. As soon as it's done, it'll be right here.
I'm sorry, guys.
M.
[This message has been edited by Chance (edited October 23, 2001).]
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posted October 23, 2001 18:21 Mmm... okay.I apologize for the delay, the reason of course is I'm having a bout of writer's block, mainly because I'm lacking the music I need to do it.
So gimme a day or two more. As soon as it's done, it'll be right here.
I'm sorry, guys.
M.
[This message has been edited by Chance (edited October 23, 2001).]
IP: LoggeddelanyCool Monster Fighter del
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posted October 24, 2001 03:15 take yer time!!del
IP: LoggedKieliSassy Eggs quote:
Originally posted by Chance:
I apologize for the delay, the reason of course is I'm having a bout of writer's block, mainly because I'm lacking the music I need to do it.
If it's music you lack, I'd be happy to help. I've got 425 CDs and 300 tapes at your disposal *deep bow*
K.
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"Sometimes, we just can't make it on our own. We all need someone to love us, to help remind us that there's good in the world, to keep us from going crazy."
Willow from Dacia's The Dreamer Awakes
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posted October 24, 2001 11:10quote:
Originally posted by Chance:
I apologize for the delay, the reason of course is I'm having a bout of writer's block, mainly because I'm lacking the music I need to do it.
If it's music you lack, I'd be happy to help. I've got 425 CDs and 300 tapes at your disposal *deep bow*
K.
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"Sometimes, we just can't make it on our own. We all need someone to love us, to help remind us that there's good in the world, to keep us from going crazy."
Willow from Dacia's The Dreamer Awakes
quote:IP: LoggedChanceCool Monster Fighter Thanks Kieli, babe, but I actually think I just found the perfect thing. But if not, you'll be the first I come running to.
Soon, I'm actually not even at home, which makes life a little difficult. Buffalo today, Manhattan tomorrow night, Jersey by Friday, maybe Saturday, and then Montauk. (Feel pity for my car.) But if I have to, I'll write it out and type it on the run.
-M.
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posted October 24, 2001 13:30 No worries, Del... I'll take it anyway you want me too. Umm... well, even that could have slightly mmm naughty connotations.Thanks Kieli, babe, but I actually think I just found the perfect thing. But if not, you'll be the first I come running to.
Soon, I'm actually not even at home, which makes life a little difficult. Buffalo today, Manhattan tomorrow night, Jersey by Friday, maybe Saturday, and then Montauk. (Feel pity for my car.) But if I have to, I'll write it out and type it on the run.
-M.
IP: LoggedChanceCool Monster Fighter
Rating: Probably an R, it’ll probably get racy… and it’s Faith, language and such.
Disclaimer: I feel like I’m a little kid playing with her big brother’s very expensive, very complex toys and if I got caught I’d be in trouble. But, I’ll put ‘em back where I found em! And I’ll so be careful! (And I don’t own ‘em, and I’m not making money from this.)
Note: The song is Digital Allies’ “Without You”. This may be kind of awkward, I’m not sure if it works. But I think it needed to happen, and Faith just seems to inspire the most music. I can’t explain it.
Dedication: To Kris, my best friend… you’ll never see this and you’ll never know. But I’m sorry for my sins, and I forgive you yours. Now if only we could deal with actually talking to each other. We’re just stuck in the cycle.
Since You’ve Been Gone
Chance
Chapter Ten : The Memories Won't Go Away
The panic spread through her almost as soon as she opened her eyes. Normally, with her slayer senses, she'd be able to detect some trace of light, but here there was none. She was alone in the darkness. She felt trapped, she moved her arms out to her sides, and found herself with very little room to move. She was lying down, so with both her arms she pushed up. Solid. She was in a box, a wooden box. How had she wound up here? She searched her memory banks, she couldn't remember. It wasn't terribly difficult to breathe, and yet her lungs screamed as she inhaled. All she knew was she wanted out. Using what little strength she had, she pushed with her hands and feet, the full strength of her legs and arms beneath her, and pushed. She pushed through the wall, but found... dirt? DIRT? "WHERE AM I?" she screamed in her own brain, the ability to speak lost for the moment in confusion. "I've been buried. I've been buried alive! I'VE BEEN BURIED ALIVE!" Her breathing became fast and irregular. Slowly things started to fit into place. She was in a coffin. They must have thought she died... And still things became clearer as she came to remember what had happened. Glory. Dawn. I killed myself. Instantly her body flipped into action.
In a combination of punches and digging, she slowly began digging her away through six feet of earth. At first moist and heavy as she took a final breath as all the dirt poured in her face. Digging as quickly as she could, she felt weak, though still stronger than she could only imagine most humans felt. She fought up, feeling her hands scrape and bleed in the process. It was mere annoyance, she had to get herself out. And suddenly, just as quickly as she had started, she stopped. The full weight of the situation hit her suddenly. She wondered if she should bother to keep going. Tears bit at the back of her eyes, and suddenly she felt hot, flushed as they rushed down her cheeks, each carving a path next to the other but never truly intersecting. She wondered if dying again would be worse than dying the first time.
* * *
Tara yawned, curling further into Willow’s body beside her. The redhead responded by placing a supportive arm over her lover. Tara smiled, Willow made her feel safe. Dawn was glued to the television movie they had started to watch by accident, and had been oblivious to her caretakers’ eyes on her. Willow turned and mouthed “Do you think she’s okay?” Tara nodded, leaning in to nuzzle Willow’s neck. She took a brief stop around Willow’s ears to whisper “She’s fine.” Before finding the perfect notch where her head fit – where Willow’s head meets her shoulder. They both sighed, quietly, contentedly. Tara’s eyes closed, and she was soon lost. Embraced by the familiar scent of Willow’s skin, and the perfume of her hair, Tara’s mind drifted.
Willow was getting better again with each day, her energies now focused less on how she was going to deal than with how Dawn was going to deal. She had accepted her best friend wasn’t coming back. It was a nice change to see Willow being herself again, and Tara was glad to have her partner back. They could converse now without one of them breaking down into tears. It was still bad, Willow still cried sometimes in her sleep. But they were going to get through this, Tara was sure of that now. Faith had seen to that. Unfortunately, Faith didn’t seem to be getting any better. She had this notion of being the gang’s one protector. Faith knew that everyone accepted the risks of being a Scooby, but no longer would Faith allow them to take them. Faith even stopped Giles from trying to patrol.
And Tara was pretty sure she heard Faith crying for a few nights. The Slayer certainly didn’t sleep. “Bonafide insomniac.” Faith had said, her eyes faded for a moment, as if she had regressed to a different time. “Had to watch my back… you learn in prison not to sleep.” Tara pushed back the overwhelming sadness that had crept through her, when it was originally said, and just now thinking about it. Tara sighed.
The arm Willow had thrown over her was now applying slight pressure to her. When Tara opened her eyes and looked up, Willow smiled. “I wondered where you went.”
“What time is it?”
“Past our bedtimes.” Willow smiled. “It’s late.” She glanced over at Dawn. “Hey Dawn? It’s time to go to bed.”
Dawn barely glanced up, transfixed in the television. “Okay.”
“So you ready?” Willow’s eyes touched Tara’s softly.
Tara laughed. “Willow – no enforcement?”
“So she doesn’t want to go to bed.” Willow looked confused, offering a “so what” look. Ever since Buffy, she had been giving Dawn a lot of slack.
“It’s late, Will.” Tara turned, and pulled herself off of Willow, resting a gentle hand on Dawn. “C’mon, you have a test tomorrow, let’s go.”
Dawn sighed, jumped up, shut off the television and turned to the couple with a hard stare. “I really could care less about my test.”
“I care.” Tara replied, meeting Dawn’s gaze head on. “Go to bed.”
It was Dawn who broke finally. “Fine.” She seemed exasperated, but she did give them both a hug before she trudged up the stairs.
* * *
Buffy was running out of will, and she knew it. It was becoming harder to dig. But she pressed on, and she knew that it wasn’t for her own well being. She could sense the need as it lingered about this place, the longing. It was as if death had granted her the ability to sense emotion. And it was not long the lingering emotion, but her sense of duty. To Dawn. To Willow. To Xander. To Giles. To Tara and Anya, even… And to Faith? Faith? Why did she feel as if she owed Faith anything? Because even as she knew Faith had betrayed her, she also knew Faith had awakened something within her. And right now, that was part of what was helping her fight her way out.
~Without you, Without you, Without you, Without you, Without you, Without you, Without you, Without you, Without you, Without you, Without you…”
* * *
Faith had been walking for what seemed like hours, and she found herself in the club again. It was dark and seedy, enough to hide her tear stained face and still red eyes. She had stopped outside the Summers residence, but found herself unable to go in. Could she deal with letting Tara and Willow and Dawn seeing her like this? She doubted it. She just didn’t have it in her yet. The dance floor seemed open and inviting, and if there was any place in the world Faith could vent it was there. She passed through the throngs of women, all of whom stared after her. Faith knew she was attractive, but not tonight. She knew that they must feel her pain and grief. She wondered why people flocked to that, why they found it so mystifyingly attractive. She made her way to the DJ, more demanding than requesting her song. She made her way out onto the dance floor and the DJ, scared in part for her life, and convinced that this was going to at least be interesting to watch, tossed in the disc requested. As the previous song ended, the club seemed silent in its rapt attention on Faith. She didn’t notice. The song started, it’s music pumping through the speakers, a drug Faith had to take. She inhaled deeply, as if to suck it through her nose and straight into her blood stream. And soon she was going, and there was no stopping her. The other dancers cleared the floor, almost in awe, scared to get in her way.
~You’re the one, You’re the one, You’re the one, You’re the one, You’re the one, You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you, You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you.~
The music soon pounded out any other thought, Faith dissolved into motion. It was as if the trance took over, leaving Faith’s body to perform as it would. Better to move than to stop and cry. But Faith, Faith just watched herself, an out of body experience. She simply allowed her emotions to sweep through her and out.
~If I could relive my life, I know what I would change, all the times I made you cry, all my thoughts that caused you pain, I know sorry won’t be enough, to tell you how wrong I’ve been, But I don’t know where to start to live my life without you…~
She danced on and on, pouring her energy out, and it flew from her, moving through space and time as if traveling somewhere else.
* * *
Buffy felt a surge of energy like she’d never been given before. And she pulled and clawed and fought, and the dirt gave under her force. She was nearing the top, she could smell the clean air. The fight was not over, but she knew she could make it.
~You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you, You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you. Without You. Without You. Without You. Without You. Without You. ~
When she reached the top, she pulled herself out onto the top soil. She collapsed into the fetal position, hugging herself. She didn’t move. The weight of what she had just done hit her hard, she felt much like poor Atlas. Who had done this? Who had resurrected her? She couldn’t tell. There was no one in the area that seemed to come to her aid. She simply lay there. She didn’t have the energy to do anything else.
* * *
Faith left the club as the song ended. She didn’t bother to stop, regardless of the many onlookers who tried to step in her way. Surprising herself, she was gentle with them, only shooting them a “not now” look as she passed by in a shot. When she made it out the door, she found herself overcome. Her face felt hot behind her cheeks and around her eyes, and it burned slightly. Her legs felt weak, if she tried to walk much further, she’d fall. She retreated to the nearest alley, and slid down the wall, and sobbed for the second time that evening.
~As the days go passing by, my feelings stay the same, I have you always on my mind, I’m living constantly in pain, I know I really should be moving on, but the memories won’t go away, I have you always in my heart, and when I close my eyes I find you.~
The music still pounded in her head, the song seeming to sum up all she felt and all she needed to say. Now she was crying in time with the rythmn instead of dancing to it.
~You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you, You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you. You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you.~
She laughed bitterly through her tears. “Well, it can’t get much worse. But I certainly can’t keep going like this.”
* * *
“I’m sorry if I’m not helping with the parental on Dawn. It’s just, I can only imagine how hard all of this must be for her, I mean, her Mom, and Buffy…” Willow’s voice trailed.
“It’s okay. You’re still dealing, too. I can do it for now, but we’re all gonna have to take some responsibility for this soon, because Dawn’s gonna need a lot of our attention. And school’s starting back up for us pretty soon.”
“You’re right. I know you’re right.” Willow watched as Tara slipped into her typical nightgown. Her lips flirted with a smile, as she recalled the first time she had ever seen Tara in it. It was the first night Willow had let her new girlfriend come to bed with clothes on at all, and it was only because they both had tests early the next morning. She hadn’t known what to expect, honestly, but she supposed she had guessed her girlfriend was a sweats type gal. She couldn’t have been more happily wrong. Tara had just reached into her drawer and grabbed a simple black slip. It sat on her shoulders with spaghetti straps, and slid down her body, making those curves of hers even more delicious. The silky material of it had made the slopes of her breasts and the points of her nipples all the more prominent. Willow salivated. Tara seemed unaware.
“That’s what you wear to bed?!?” Willow exclaimed, surprised at the force in them.
“Why? Is there something wrong with it?” Tara glanced down at herself, suddenly feeling unsure. She knew it was getting pretty ratty, her Mom had bought her it before… Well, it was one of the last things her Mother had given her, and she loved wearing it. It was the most comfortable thing to sleep in, in part because of the material and in part because of the warm feeling the memory of her mother lingered in the material.
“I don’t know how you expect me to keep my hands off of you.”
Tara simply beamed, and she couldn’t have been more radiant. “Well, you’ll just have to learn. I wear this all the time, Willow! It’s not sexy!”
“Tara… how many times do I have to explain to you? You’re never not sexy.”
Willow and Tara both aced their tests. Even with only a half hour of sleep. “I love your sleep wear.”
Tara laughed, and it filled the room. Willow nearly wept at the joy in it. “You have since the beginning.”
“And I will till the end of us both.”
“I really do love you, Ms. Willow Rosenberg.”
“And I couldn’t be more madly in love with you…” Willow stared at Tara for a moment. “Tara, I couldn’t make it through a day without you. You know that, right?”
“I know, Willow.” Tara cocked her head. “I know.”
“I don’t ever want to spend another day without you.”
“You won’t have to. What’s all of this about, babe?”
“It just struck me that I want to marry you.” Willow smiled. “I want to be yours and I want you to be mine in the truest possible way. Tara, marry me.”
“Willow, we’re happy the way we are. Let’s let things settle a little bit, and then if you still want to marry me this desperately…”
“Tara! I don’t want things to settle! Things will never settle. And I will always want to marry you. I can’t go on without you.”
“But…”
“No buts, Tara. This is a good thing. This is amazing, it’s perfect. Trust me, Tara. This is something that I want and need to do.” Willow’s brow creased. “Unless you don’t want to marry me…”
“Willow, don’t be silly! Of course I want to marry you, but Dawn, and…”
“Faith?”
“I know that she’s not your favorite person, but I worry about her.”
“I do too. I understand. Just promise you’ll marry me, and we’ll wait till at least the grief eases.”
“I promise I’ll marry you.”
Willow smiled, and held her arms open. Tara quickly filled them. And they stood like that for awhile, just enjoying the feeling of being complete.
~You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you. You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you. And I can’t go on, I can’t go on without you. Without You. Without You. Without You. Without You. ~
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del
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Katharyn
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She's my always
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Sorry guys -- it's been rough as hell lately.
Rating: Probably an R, it’ll probably get racy… and it’s Faith, language and such.
Disclaimer: I feel like I’m a little kid playing with her big brother’s very expensive, very complex toys and if I got caught I’d be in trouble. But, I’ll put ‘em back where I found em! And I’ll so be careful! (And I don’t own ‘em, and I’m not making money from this.)
Note: I’m not in the mood to tell you what song it is. I’m pretty sure you’ll know it once you see it. I give credit to the amazing guys who wrote it though.
As Soon As You Were Gone
Chance
Chapter Eleven: Some Are Dead And Some Are Living
When Buffy opened her eyes again, she had no concept of how much time had gone by. Minutes, hours, she wasn’t sure. She slowly began sizing up where she was. She was the slayer, after all, she patrolled these cemeteries every night for four years. She couldn’t tell, though. They had buried her deep in the cemetery, just as Giles had told her they would. Her eyes settled on her own tombstone, a strange feeling washed over her. She reached out and traced the letters with her hand. “She saved the world alot.” Buffy felt the slightest ghost of a smile touching her lips, pulling them up at the tips. She sighed, knowing she had better get moving. Buffy rose up slowly, testing her legs for the first time. She stood solidly, getting used to the feeling of using her body again. She felt numb, displaced. Attempting to shake it off, she headed for the gates, and then to the roads. “Sunnydale, here I come.”
* * *
Faith glanced at her watch. The sun would be coming up in another hour or two, and quite frankly, a warm bed sounded rather appealing at the particular moment. She headed back for the Summers home, her new residence. That thought struck her hard – her residence? She lived in Buffy’s house. She took care of Buffy’s sister. She smiled briefly, testing it out on her features. She had packed Dawn’s lunch that morning. “When did I become so fucking domestic?” She surprised herself at how nice it felt to be heading home to a group of women who actually liked her company. For the first time in a long time, she was expected somewhere. Expected to be home, to let them know where she was going so they wouldn’t worry. As much as she hated to admit it, she honestly enjoyed Tara’s reminders to take care of herself, to be careful. She wanted to be there when something silly happened to make Dawnie spit her milk out of her nose. Or when Willow started to babble because she could never decide what to make for dinner. Despite how much of a reminder it was that she was alone, she loved watching Willow and Tara tuck Dawn in for the night as a couple. She found it cute when she walked in on them kissing when they thought they were alone. Or stealing glances at each other, looking to one another for reassurance. And Dawn’s horrible teenybopper excuse for music was even growing on her. She wasn’t a big Mandy Moore fan, but she was a fan of watching Dawn sing to herself in the mirror using her hairbrush as a microphone. She had a family, and that, if nothing else in her life, felt good. She hurried home a little bit faster.
* * *
Tara’s eyes were barely open as she made her way down the stairs, a blanket draped over her shoulders. She knocked into the end table, because she was so tired. “I have to stop letting Willow keep me up,” she murmured. Basically using her hands to find the doorframe of the kitchen, she moseyed in and began making the coffee, which she knew would keep her awake long enough to get Dawn to school. She didn’t notice Faith sitting on a stool at the counter.
“Need help?”
Tara jumped five feet in the air at the unexpected voice. “Faith, you scared me!”
“Sorry, I haven’t gone to bed yet.” She chuckled. “Have you?”
Tara flashed that half smile, and even Faith felt herself respond. “I’m exhausted.”
“She really should let you at least nap.” Faith shook her head. “It’s always the quiet ones.”
“That’s what everyone keeps telling us.” Tara smiled. “How was patrolling?”
“Uneventful.” Faith grabbed the coffee from the fridge and a filter from the cabinet, handing them both to the blond.
“Oh? So why are you home so late?”
Faith shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep.”
Tara nodded, understanding. “Are you okay?”
Faith bit down her initial reaction to tell the blond to fuck off. It was an old instinct she was still getting used to dismissing. Instead, she took a deep breath. “Not really, but I feel better.” She took another breath, and Tara turned to look at her. Her blue eyes sought for Faith’s, and caught them – Tara’s eyes were filled with concern, genuine concern. It took Faith so off guard, she just spit out the rest. “I feel better knowing I have you guys around – you know, you, Willow, Dawn. Makes it easier.”
Tara smiled, and rubbed Faith’s back with her hand. She turned, and continued to make the coffee, letting Faith’s words hang in the air between them. It left such a positive flow in the room.
* * *
She watched Tara’s relative ease with the dark slayer aghast. She had never thought this is where the world would go. How could she? She had trusted Tara, and here she was, comforting a killer in her kitchen with her sister tucked asleep upstairs. She nearly stormed the house then and there. Instead, something inside of her told her to hold back. After all, Faith had helped Tara make coffee. Buffy wondered how long Faith had been in the house, how much she knew. She seemed rather comfortable in a house where she had once tried to kill her Mother. Thankfully, Dawn was at a friend’s house that night, otherwise she would have killed the other slayer then. She often thought she should have. She winced. A gnawing pain set in, just in her abdomen. It happened every time she thought of the dark slayer, like a reminder of the knife she had once shoved into her companion’s stomach. It hurt every bit as much as a knife would have, but more emotionally, more spiritually than anything physical. Her Slayer senses picked up on the sound of footsteps on the staircase before Tara did. Taking a glance at Faith, she knew that the girl had heard them too. She focused back onto the kitchen scene, watching as Willow sleepily entered the room. If fireworks were to happen, it would be now.
* * *
Faith found herself with a weird feeling in the pit of her stomach, she could swear they were being watched. But before she could make any move to check, Willow wandered in, yawning. The redhead’s eyes drifted up and met Faith’s. Willow smiled. “Morning Faith.”
“Morning.” Faith found herself smiling back. “How are you?”
“Wonderful.” Willow’s smile was bright, the brilliance of it catching even Faith off guard. To say Willow was in a good mood would have been a gross understatement.
“Good.” Faith opened the paper in front of her, reading over the front page, shaking her head at all of the evil in the world. A comfortable hush fell over the room, broken only by Faith exclaiming at something she had read. Willow curled up on Tara’s shoulder, content to sit there as Tara waited for the coffee.
Tara turned and caught Willow in her arms, venturing in to steal a kiss from her lover. “Morning.”
“Good morning, love.” Willow smiled.
Faith hopped up from her stool. “You two have your moment, I’ll wake Short Stuff.” She bound up the stairs towards Dawn’s room.
* * *
Willow had forgiven Faith? How did that happen? Buffy was still staring into the kitchen, amazed. Willow and Faith actually civil to one another. She imagined Tara must have something to do with the forgive and forget, but still, Willow had hated Faith with a fiery vengeance. How had she dealt with that? Buffy suddenly felt very alone. Things were not as they once were. She wasn’t sure how to deal with that. She didn’t even know if she could face them. She didn’t know if she could deal with living here. She wasn’t even really sure if she was psyched about being alive. She had been so… blissfully peaceful where she was. To be ripped from that back to life – well, it was cruel. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do, but the first step was getting herself out of her funeral gown. She felt like a zombie from those cheesy horror movies that Xander used to make them watch. The Magic Shop should have a leftover outfit or two from her training days. She could probably break in with little to no trouble, it was way too early for Anya to open anyway. She managed to sit, pondering her next move before traipsing through Sunnydale. She was desperately afraid someone who thought she was very much no longer walking on the ground. She didn’t know if she could handle that situation.
* * *
With Dawn already off to school, and Tara and Willow disappeared back in their room, Faith felt confident she was pretty alone. She stole to the back door, stepping outside in the morning air to clear her thoughts. She found herself humming an old tune she could swear her mother used to play. She remembered what it was now, and she half laughed to herself. The laugh was empty, shallow – it hurt.
* * *
Buffy had hidden even further down in the bushes as Dawn ran down the front wak towards the school bus. She watched her sister for a moment, totally amazed at hot much she'd grown in... however long she'd been gone. She was surprised when she heard the back door open. When Faith appeared from behind it, she went absolutely still, but quickly realized the Slayer was off in another world. Buffy sat, totally transfixed with the dark slayer. Could she really be humming The Beatles?
* * *
She sighed, running a hand through her hair. “B.” She sighed again. And then Faith started to lend her voice to the song, singing softly under her breath.
~There are places I remember, all my life, though some have changed.
Some forever not for better, some have gone, and some remain.
All these places have their moments, but loves and friends I still can recall.
Some are dead and some are living, In my life, I loved them all.
But of all these friends and lovers, there is no one compares with you.
And these memories lose their meaning, when I think of love as something new.
Though I know I’ll never lose affection for people and things that went before,
I know I’ll often stop and think about them, In my life, I love you more.
Though I know I’ll never lose affection for people and things that went before,
I know I’ll often stop and think about them, In my life, I love you more.
In my life – I love you more.~
* * *
Buffy sat, paralyzed. Faith. Singing the Beatles. She was intoxicated with the sound of Faith’s voice. It sounded so haunted, so beautiful. She never knew Faith could sing. She moved in a daze to stand, caught completely off guard. And had she said B?
* * *
Faith caught something moving out of the corner of her eye. She flipped around to look, and suddenly she was face to face with her best dream and worst nightmare. And, quite frankly, she couldn’t have been more frightened.
“B?”
[This message has been edited by Chance (edited January 21, 2002).]
IP: Logged
hope the next part doesn't take as long
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Great update.
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The new Indigo Girls album, "Become You," is in stores Feb. 26, 2002. For
more info, check out Indigo Girls web site at: http://www.indigogirls.com
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Great update Chance.
IP: Logged
Rating: Probably an R, it’ll probably get racy… and it’s Faith, language and such.
Disclaimer: I feel like I’m a little kid playing with her big brother’s very expensive, very complex toys and if I got caught I’d be in trouble. But, I’ll put ‘em back where I found em! And I’ll so be careful! (And I don’t own ‘em, and I’m not making money from this.)
Note: The song is Digital Allies’ “Without You”. This may be kind of awkward, I’m not sure if it works. But I think it needed to happen, and Faith just seems to inspire the most music. I can’t explain it.
Dedication: To Kris, my best friend… you’ll never see this and you’ll never know. But I’m sorry for my sins, and I forgive you yours. Now if only we could deal with actually talking to each other. We’re just stuck in the cycle.
Since You’ve Been Gone
Chance
Chapter Ten : The Memories Won't Go Away
The panic spread through her almost as soon as she opened her eyes. Normally, with her slayer senses, she'd be able to detect some trace of light, but here there was none. She was alone in the darkness. She felt trapped, she moved her arms out to her sides, and found herself with very little room to move. She was lying down, so with both her arms she pushed up. Solid. She was in a box, a wooden box. How had she wound up here? She searched her memory banks, she couldn't remember. It wasn't terribly difficult to breathe, and yet her lungs screamed as she inhaled. All she knew was she wanted out. Using what little strength she had, she pushed with her hands and feet, the full strength of her legs and arms beneath her, and pushed. She pushed through the wall, but found... dirt? DIRT? "WHERE AM I?" she screamed in her own brain, the ability to speak lost for the moment in confusion. "I've been buried. I've been buried alive! I'VE BEEN BURIED ALIVE!" Her breathing became fast and irregular. Slowly things started to fit into place. She was in a coffin. They must have thought she died... And still things became clearer as she came to remember what had happened. Glory. Dawn. I killed myself. Instantly her body flipped into action.
In a combination of punches and digging, she slowly began digging her away through six feet of earth. At first moist and heavy as she took a final breath as all the dirt poured in her face. Digging as quickly as she could, she felt weak, though still stronger than she could only imagine most humans felt. She fought up, feeling her hands scrape and bleed in the process. It was mere annoyance, she had to get herself out. And suddenly, just as quickly as she had started, she stopped. The full weight of the situation hit her suddenly. She wondered if she should bother to keep going. Tears bit at the back of her eyes, and suddenly she felt hot, flushed as they rushed down her cheeks, each carving a path next to the other but never truly intersecting. She wondered if dying again would be worse than dying the first time.
* * *
Tara yawned, curling further into Willow’s body beside her. The redhead responded by placing a supportive arm over her lover. Tara smiled, Willow made her feel safe. Dawn was glued to the television movie they had started to watch by accident, and had been oblivious to her caretakers’ eyes on her. Willow turned and mouthed “Do you think she’s okay?” Tara nodded, leaning in to nuzzle Willow’s neck. She took a brief stop around Willow’s ears to whisper “She’s fine.” Before finding the perfect notch where her head fit – where Willow’s head meets her shoulder. They both sighed, quietly, contentedly. Tara’s eyes closed, and she was soon lost. Embraced by the familiar scent of Willow’s skin, and the perfume of her hair, Tara’s mind drifted.
Willow was getting better again with each day, her energies now focused less on how she was going to deal than with how Dawn was going to deal. She had accepted her best friend wasn’t coming back. It was a nice change to see Willow being herself again, and Tara was glad to have her partner back. They could converse now without one of them breaking down into tears. It was still bad, Willow still cried sometimes in her sleep. But they were going to get through this, Tara was sure of that now. Faith had seen to that. Unfortunately, Faith didn’t seem to be getting any better. She had this notion of being the gang’s one protector. Faith knew that everyone accepted the risks of being a Scooby, but no longer would Faith allow them to take them. Faith even stopped Giles from trying to patrol.
And Tara was pretty sure she heard Faith crying for a few nights. The Slayer certainly didn’t sleep. “Bonafide insomniac.” Faith had said, her eyes faded for a moment, as if she had regressed to a different time. “Had to watch my back… you learn in prison not to sleep.” Tara pushed back the overwhelming sadness that had crept through her, when it was originally said, and just now thinking about it. Tara sighed.
The arm Willow had thrown over her was now applying slight pressure to her. When Tara opened her eyes and looked up, Willow smiled. “I wondered where you went.”
“What time is it?”
“Past our bedtimes.” Willow smiled. “It’s late.” She glanced over at Dawn. “Hey Dawn? It’s time to go to bed.”
Dawn barely glanced up, transfixed in the television. “Okay.”
“So you ready?” Willow’s eyes touched Tara’s softly.
Tara laughed. “Willow – no enforcement?”
“So she doesn’t want to go to bed.” Willow looked confused, offering a “so what” look. Ever since Buffy, she had been giving Dawn a lot of slack.
“It’s late, Will.” Tara turned, and pulled herself off of Willow, resting a gentle hand on Dawn. “C’mon, you have a test tomorrow, let’s go.”
Dawn sighed, jumped up, shut off the television and turned to the couple with a hard stare. “I really could care less about my test.”
“I care.” Tara replied, meeting Dawn’s gaze head on. “Go to bed.”
It was Dawn who broke finally. “Fine.” She seemed exasperated, but she did give them both a hug before she trudged up the stairs.
* * *
Buffy was running out of will, and she knew it. It was becoming harder to dig. But she pressed on, and she knew that it wasn’t for her own well being. She could sense the need as it lingered about this place, the longing. It was as if death had granted her the ability to sense emotion. And it was not long the lingering emotion, but her sense of duty. To Dawn. To Willow. To Xander. To Giles. To Tara and Anya, even… And to Faith? Faith? Why did she feel as if she owed Faith anything? Because even as she knew Faith had betrayed her, she also knew Faith had awakened something within her. And right now, that was part of what was helping her fight her way out.
~Without you, Without you, Without you, Without you, Without you, Without you, Without you, Without you, Without you, Without you, Without you…”
* * *
Faith had been walking for what seemed like hours, and she found herself in the club again. It was dark and seedy, enough to hide her tear stained face and still red eyes. She had stopped outside the Summers residence, but found herself unable to go in. Could she deal with letting Tara and Willow and Dawn seeing her like this? She doubted it. She just didn’t have it in her yet. The dance floor seemed open and inviting, and if there was any place in the world Faith could vent it was there. She passed through the throngs of women, all of whom stared after her. Faith knew she was attractive, but not tonight. She knew that they must feel her pain and grief. She wondered why people flocked to that, why they found it so mystifyingly attractive. She made her way to the DJ, more demanding than requesting her song. She made her way out onto the dance floor and the DJ, scared in part for her life, and convinced that this was going to at least be interesting to watch, tossed in the disc requested. As the previous song ended, the club seemed silent in its rapt attention on Faith. She didn’t notice. The song started, it’s music pumping through the speakers, a drug Faith had to take. She inhaled deeply, as if to suck it through her nose and straight into her blood stream. And soon she was going, and there was no stopping her. The other dancers cleared the floor, almost in awe, scared to get in her way.
~You’re the one, You’re the one, You’re the one, You’re the one, You’re the one, You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you, You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you.~
The music soon pounded out any other thought, Faith dissolved into motion. It was as if the trance took over, leaving Faith’s body to perform as it would. Better to move than to stop and cry. But Faith, Faith just watched herself, an out of body experience. She simply allowed her emotions to sweep through her and out.
~If I could relive my life, I know what I would change, all the times I made you cry, all my thoughts that caused you pain, I know sorry won’t be enough, to tell you how wrong I’ve been, But I don’t know where to start to live my life without you…~
She danced on and on, pouring her energy out, and it flew from her, moving through space and time as if traveling somewhere else.
* * *
Buffy felt a surge of energy like she’d never been given before. And she pulled and clawed and fought, and the dirt gave under her force. She was nearing the top, she could smell the clean air. The fight was not over, but she knew she could make it.
~You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you, You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you. Without You. Without You. Without You. Without You. Without You. ~
When she reached the top, she pulled herself out onto the top soil. She collapsed into the fetal position, hugging herself. She didn’t move. The weight of what she had just done hit her hard, she felt much like poor Atlas. Who had done this? Who had resurrected her? She couldn’t tell. There was no one in the area that seemed to come to her aid. She simply lay there. She didn’t have the energy to do anything else.
* * *
Faith left the club as the song ended. She didn’t bother to stop, regardless of the many onlookers who tried to step in her way. Surprising herself, she was gentle with them, only shooting them a “not now” look as she passed by in a shot. When she made it out the door, she found herself overcome. Her face felt hot behind her cheeks and around her eyes, and it burned slightly. Her legs felt weak, if she tried to walk much further, she’d fall. She retreated to the nearest alley, and slid down the wall, and sobbed for the second time that evening.
~As the days go passing by, my feelings stay the same, I have you always on my mind, I’m living constantly in pain, I know I really should be moving on, but the memories won’t go away, I have you always in my heart, and when I close my eyes I find you.~
The music still pounded in her head, the song seeming to sum up all she felt and all she needed to say. Now she was crying in time with the rythmn instead of dancing to it.
~You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you, You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you. You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you.~
She laughed bitterly through her tears. “Well, it can’t get much worse. But I certainly can’t keep going like this.”
* * *
“I’m sorry if I’m not helping with the parental on Dawn. It’s just, I can only imagine how hard all of this must be for her, I mean, her Mom, and Buffy…” Willow’s voice trailed.
“It’s okay. You’re still dealing, too. I can do it for now, but we’re all gonna have to take some responsibility for this soon, because Dawn’s gonna need a lot of our attention. And school’s starting back up for us pretty soon.”
“You’re right. I know you’re right.” Willow watched as Tara slipped into her typical nightgown. Her lips flirted with a smile, as she recalled the first time she had ever seen Tara in it. It was the first night Willow had let her new girlfriend come to bed with clothes on at all, and it was only because they both had tests early the next morning. She hadn’t known what to expect, honestly, but she supposed she had guessed her girlfriend was a sweats type gal. She couldn’t have been more happily wrong. Tara had just reached into her drawer and grabbed a simple black slip. It sat on her shoulders with spaghetti straps, and slid down her body, making those curves of hers even more delicious. The silky material of it had made the slopes of her breasts and the points of her nipples all the more prominent. Willow salivated. Tara seemed unaware.
“That’s what you wear to bed?!?” Willow exclaimed, surprised at the force in them.
“Why? Is there something wrong with it?” Tara glanced down at herself, suddenly feeling unsure. She knew it was getting pretty ratty, her Mom had bought her it before… Well, it was one of the last things her Mother had given her, and she loved wearing it. It was the most comfortable thing to sleep in, in part because of the material and in part because of the warm feeling the memory of her mother lingered in the material.
“I don’t know how you expect me to keep my hands off of you.”
Tara simply beamed, and she couldn’t have been more radiant. “Well, you’ll just have to learn. I wear this all the time, Willow! It’s not sexy!”
“Tara… how many times do I have to explain to you? You’re never not sexy.”
Willow and Tara both aced their tests. Even with only a half hour of sleep. “I love your sleep wear.”
Tara laughed, and it filled the room. Willow nearly wept at the joy in it. “You have since the beginning.”
“And I will till the end of us both.”
“I really do love you, Ms. Willow Rosenberg.”
“And I couldn’t be more madly in love with you…” Willow stared at Tara for a moment. “Tara, I couldn’t make it through a day without you. You know that, right?”
“I know, Willow.” Tara cocked her head. “I know.”
“I don’t ever want to spend another day without you.”
“You won’t have to. What’s all of this about, babe?”
“It just struck me that I want to marry you.” Willow smiled. “I want to be yours and I want you to be mine in the truest possible way. Tara, marry me.”
“Willow, we’re happy the way we are. Let’s let things settle a little bit, and then if you still want to marry me this desperately…”
“Tara! I don’t want things to settle! Things will never settle. And I will always want to marry you. I can’t go on without you.”
“But…”
“No buts, Tara. This is a good thing. This is amazing, it’s perfect. Trust me, Tara. This is something that I want and need to do.” Willow’s brow creased. “Unless you don’t want to marry me…”
“Willow, don’t be silly! Of course I want to marry you, but Dawn, and…”
“Faith?”
“I know that she’s not your favorite person, but I worry about her.”
“I do too. I understand. Just promise you’ll marry me, and we’ll wait till at least the grief eases.”
“I promise I’ll marry you.”
Willow smiled, and held her arms open. Tara quickly filled them. And they stood like that for awhile, just enjoying the feeling of being complete.
~You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you. You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you. And I can’t go on, I can’t go on without you. Without You. Without You. Without You. Without You. ~
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del
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Katharyn
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She's my always
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Sorry guys -- it's been rough as hell lately.
Rating: Probably an R, it’ll probably get racy… and it’s Faith, language and such.
Disclaimer: I feel like I’m a little kid playing with her big brother’s very expensive, very complex toys and if I got caught I’d be in trouble. But, I’ll put ‘em back where I found em! And I’ll so be careful! (And I don’t own ‘em, and I’m not making money from this.)
Note: I’m not in the mood to tell you what song it is. I’m pretty sure you’ll know it once you see it. I give credit to the amazing guys who wrote it though.
As Soon As You Were Gone
Chance
Chapter Eleven: Some Are Dead And Some Are Living
When Buffy opened her eyes again, she had no concept of how much time had gone by. Minutes, hours, she wasn’t sure. She slowly began sizing up where she was. She was the slayer, after all, she patrolled these cemeteries every night for four years. She couldn’t tell, though. They had buried her deep in the cemetery, just as Giles had told her they would. Her eyes settled on her own tombstone, a strange feeling washed over her. She reached out and traced the letters with her hand. “She saved the world alot.” Buffy felt the slightest ghost of a smile touching her lips, pulling them up at the tips. She sighed, knowing she had better get moving. Buffy rose up slowly, testing her legs for the first time. She stood solidly, getting used to the feeling of using her body again. She felt numb, displaced. Attempting to shake it off, she headed for the gates, and then to the roads. “Sunnydale, here I come.”
* * *
Faith glanced at her watch. The sun would be coming up in another hour or two, and quite frankly, a warm bed sounded rather appealing at the particular moment. She headed back for the Summers home, her new residence. That thought struck her hard – her residence? She lived in Buffy’s house. She took care of Buffy’s sister. She smiled briefly, testing it out on her features. She had packed Dawn’s lunch that morning. “When did I become so fucking domestic?” She surprised herself at how nice it felt to be heading home to a group of women who actually liked her company. For the first time in a long time, she was expected somewhere. Expected to be home, to let them know where she was going so they wouldn’t worry. As much as she hated to admit it, she honestly enjoyed Tara’s reminders to take care of herself, to be careful. She wanted to be there when something silly happened to make Dawnie spit her milk out of her nose. Or when Willow started to babble because she could never decide what to make for dinner. Despite how much of a reminder it was that she was alone, she loved watching Willow and Tara tuck Dawn in for the night as a couple. She found it cute when she walked in on them kissing when they thought they were alone. Or stealing glances at each other, looking to one another for reassurance. And Dawn’s horrible teenybopper excuse for music was even growing on her. She wasn’t a big Mandy Moore fan, but she was a fan of watching Dawn sing to herself in the mirror using her hairbrush as a microphone. She had a family, and that, if nothing else in her life, felt good. She hurried home a little bit faster.
* * *
Tara’s eyes were barely open as she made her way down the stairs, a blanket draped over her shoulders. She knocked into the end table, because she was so tired. “I have to stop letting Willow keep me up,” she murmured. Basically using her hands to find the doorframe of the kitchen, she moseyed in and began making the coffee, which she knew would keep her awake long enough to get Dawn to school. She didn’t notice Faith sitting on a stool at the counter.
“Need help?”
Tara jumped five feet in the air at the unexpected voice. “Faith, you scared me!”
“Sorry, I haven’t gone to bed yet.” She chuckled. “Have you?”
Tara flashed that half smile, and even Faith felt herself respond. “I’m exhausted.”
“She really should let you at least nap.” Faith shook her head. “It’s always the quiet ones.”
“That’s what everyone keeps telling us.” Tara smiled. “How was patrolling?”
“Uneventful.” Faith grabbed the coffee from the fridge and a filter from the cabinet, handing them both to the blond.
“Oh? So why are you home so late?”
Faith shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep.”
Tara nodded, understanding. “Are you okay?”
Faith bit down her initial reaction to tell the blond to fuck off. It was an old instinct she was still getting used to dismissing. Instead, she took a deep breath. “Not really, but I feel better.” She took another breath, and Tara turned to look at her. Her blue eyes sought for Faith’s, and caught them – Tara’s eyes were filled with concern, genuine concern. It took Faith so off guard, she just spit out the rest. “I feel better knowing I have you guys around – you know, you, Willow, Dawn. Makes it easier.”
Tara smiled, and rubbed Faith’s back with her hand. She turned, and continued to make the coffee, letting Faith’s words hang in the air between them. It left such a positive flow in the room.
* * *
She watched Tara’s relative ease with the dark slayer aghast. She had never thought this is where the world would go. How could she? She had trusted Tara, and here she was, comforting a killer in her kitchen with her sister tucked asleep upstairs. She nearly stormed the house then and there. Instead, something inside of her told her to hold back. After all, Faith had helped Tara make coffee. Buffy wondered how long Faith had been in the house, how much she knew. She seemed rather comfortable in a house where she had once tried to kill her Mother. Thankfully, Dawn was at a friend’s house that night, otherwise she would have killed the other slayer then. She often thought she should have. She winced. A gnawing pain set in, just in her abdomen. It happened every time she thought of the dark slayer, like a reminder of the knife she had once shoved into her companion’s stomach. It hurt every bit as much as a knife would have, but more emotionally, more spiritually than anything physical. Her Slayer senses picked up on the sound of footsteps on the staircase before Tara did. Taking a glance at Faith, she knew that the girl had heard them too. She focused back onto the kitchen scene, watching as Willow sleepily entered the room. If fireworks were to happen, it would be now.
* * *
Faith found herself with a weird feeling in the pit of her stomach, she could swear they were being watched. But before she could make any move to check, Willow wandered in, yawning. The redhead’s eyes drifted up and met Faith’s. Willow smiled. “Morning Faith.”
“Morning.” Faith found herself smiling back. “How are you?”
“Wonderful.” Willow’s smile was bright, the brilliance of it catching even Faith off guard. To say Willow was in a good mood would have been a gross understatement.
“Good.” Faith opened the paper in front of her, reading over the front page, shaking her head at all of the evil in the world. A comfortable hush fell over the room, broken only by Faith exclaiming at something she had read. Willow curled up on Tara’s shoulder, content to sit there as Tara waited for the coffee.
Tara turned and caught Willow in her arms, venturing in to steal a kiss from her lover. “Morning.”
“Good morning, love.” Willow smiled.
Faith hopped up from her stool. “You two have your moment, I’ll wake Short Stuff.” She bound up the stairs towards Dawn’s room.
* * *
Willow had forgiven Faith? How did that happen? Buffy was still staring into the kitchen, amazed. Willow and Faith actually civil to one another. She imagined Tara must have something to do with the forgive and forget, but still, Willow had hated Faith with a fiery vengeance. How had she dealt with that? Buffy suddenly felt very alone. Things were not as they once were. She wasn’t sure how to deal with that. She didn’t even know if she could face them. She didn’t know if she could deal with living here. She wasn’t even really sure if she was psyched about being alive. She had been so… blissfully peaceful where she was. To be ripped from that back to life – well, it was cruel. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do, but the first step was getting herself out of her funeral gown. She felt like a zombie from those cheesy horror movies that Xander used to make them watch. The Magic Shop should have a leftover outfit or two from her training days. She could probably break in with little to no trouble, it was way too early for Anya to open anyway. She managed to sit, pondering her next move before traipsing through Sunnydale. She was desperately afraid someone who thought she was very much no longer walking on the ground. She didn’t know if she could handle that situation.
* * *
With Dawn already off to school, and Tara and Willow disappeared back in their room, Faith felt confident she was pretty alone. She stole to the back door, stepping outside in the morning air to clear her thoughts. She found herself humming an old tune she could swear her mother used to play. She remembered what it was now, and she half laughed to herself. The laugh was empty, shallow – it hurt.
* * *
Buffy had hidden even further down in the bushes as Dawn ran down the front wak towards the school bus. She watched her sister for a moment, totally amazed at hot much she'd grown in... however long she'd been gone. She was surprised when she heard the back door open. When Faith appeared from behind it, she went absolutely still, but quickly realized the Slayer was off in another world. Buffy sat, totally transfixed with the dark slayer. Could she really be humming The Beatles?
* * *
She sighed, running a hand through her hair. “B.” She sighed again. And then Faith started to lend her voice to the song, singing softly under her breath.
~There are places I remember, all my life, though some have changed.
Some forever not for better, some have gone, and some remain.
All these places have their moments, but loves and friends I still can recall.
Some are dead and some are living, In my life, I loved them all.
But of all these friends and lovers, there is no one compares with you.
And these memories lose their meaning, when I think of love as something new.
Though I know I’ll never lose affection for people and things that went before,
I know I’ll often stop and think about them, In my life, I love you more.
Though I know I’ll never lose affection for people and things that went before,
I know I’ll often stop and think about them, In my life, I love you more.
In my life – I love you more.~
* * *
Buffy sat, paralyzed. Faith. Singing the Beatles. She was intoxicated with the sound of Faith’s voice. It sounded so haunted, so beautiful. She never knew Faith could sing. She moved in a daze to stand, caught completely off guard. And had she said B?
* * *
Faith caught something moving out of the corner of her eye. She flipped around to look, and suddenly she was face to face with her best dream and worst nightmare. And, quite frankly, she couldn’t have been more frightened.
“B?”
[This message has been edited by Chance (edited January 21, 2002).]
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hope the next part doesn't take as long
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Great update.
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The new Indigo Girls album, "Become You," is in stores Feb. 26, 2002. For
more info, check out Indigo Girls web site at: http://www.indigogirls.com
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Great update Chance.
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del
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posted November 15, 2001 05:20 aww.. makes my heart go boom boom..del
IP: LoggedKatharynBig Pineapple Katharyn
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She's my always
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posted November 15, 2001 13:18 Mmmmmn wonderful place to leave it and another great part.Katharyn
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She's my always
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posted November 15, 2001 17:24 Thanks Chance that was wonderful, I don't mind the messing about with canon at all IP: Loggedthe_slayers_girlFloating Rose IP: Logged
posted November 15, 2001 17:45 thats sooo sweet...thank you IP: LoggedChanceCool Monster Fighter Sorry guys -- it's been rough as hell lately.
Rating: Probably an R, it’ll probably get racy… and it’s Faith, language and such.
Disclaimer: I feel like I’m a little kid playing with her big brother’s very expensive, very complex toys and if I got caught I’d be in trouble. But, I’ll put ‘em back where I found em! And I’ll so be careful! (And I don’t own ‘em, and I’m not making money from this.)
Note: I’m not in the mood to tell you what song it is. I’m pretty sure you’ll know it once you see it. I give credit to the amazing guys who wrote it though.
As Soon As You Were Gone
Chance
Chapter Eleven: Some Are Dead And Some Are Living
When Buffy opened her eyes again, she had no concept of how much time had gone by. Minutes, hours, she wasn’t sure. She slowly began sizing up where she was. She was the slayer, after all, she patrolled these cemeteries every night for four years. She couldn’t tell, though. They had buried her deep in the cemetery, just as Giles had told her they would. Her eyes settled on her own tombstone, a strange feeling washed over her. She reached out and traced the letters with her hand. “She saved the world alot.” Buffy felt the slightest ghost of a smile touching her lips, pulling them up at the tips. She sighed, knowing she had better get moving. Buffy rose up slowly, testing her legs for the first time. She stood solidly, getting used to the feeling of using her body again. She felt numb, displaced. Attempting to shake it off, she headed for the gates, and then to the roads. “Sunnydale, here I come.”
* * *
Faith glanced at her watch. The sun would be coming up in another hour or two, and quite frankly, a warm bed sounded rather appealing at the particular moment. She headed back for the Summers home, her new residence. That thought struck her hard – her residence? She lived in Buffy’s house. She took care of Buffy’s sister. She smiled briefly, testing it out on her features. She had packed Dawn’s lunch that morning. “When did I become so fucking domestic?” She surprised herself at how nice it felt to be heading home to a group of women who actually liked her company. For the first time in a long time, she was expected somewhere. Expected to be home, to let them know where she was going so they wouldn’t worry. As much as she hated to admit it, she honestly enjoyed Tara’s reminders to take care of herself, to be careful. She wanted to be there when something silly happened to make Dawnie spit her milk out of her nose. Or when Willow started to babble because she could never decide what to make for dinner. Despite how much of a reminder it was that she was alone, she loved watching Willow and Tara tuck Dawn in for the night as a couple. She found it cute when she walked in on them kissing when they thought they were alone. Or stealing glances at each other, looking to one another for reassurance. And Dawn’s horrible teenybopper excuse for music was even growing on her. She wasn’t a big Mandy Moore fan, but she was a fan of watching Dawn sing to herself in the mirror using her hairbrush as a microphone. She had a family, and that, if nothing else in her life, felt good. She hurried home a little bit faster.
* * *
Tara’s eyes were barely open as she made her way down the stairs, a blanket draped over her shoulders. She knocked into the end table, because she was so tired. “I have to stop letting Willow keep me up,” she murmured. Basically using her hands to find the doorframe of the kitchen, she moseyed in and began making the coffee, which she knew would keep her awake long enough to get Dawn to school. She didn’t notice Faith sitting on a stool at the counter.
“Need help?”
Tara jumped five feet in the air at the unexpected voice. “Faith, you scared me!”
“Sorry, I haven’t gone to bed yet.” She chuckled. “Have you?”
Tara flashed that half smile, and even Faith felt herself respond. “I’m exhausted.”
“She really should let you at least nap.” Faith shook her head. “It’s always the quiet ones.”
“That’s what everyone keeps telling us.” Tara smiled. “How was patrolling?”
“Uneventful.” Faith grabbed the coffee from the fridge and a filter from the cabinet, handing them both to the blond.
“Oh? So why are you home so late?”
Faith shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep.”
Tara nodded, understanding. “Are you okay?”
Faith bit down her initial reaction to tell the blond to fuck off. It was an old instinct she was still getting used to dismissing. Instead, she took a deep breath. “Not really, but I feel better.” She took another breath, and Tara turned to look at her. Her blue eyes sought for Faith’s, and caught them – Tara’s eyes were filled with concern, genuine concern. It took Faith so off guard, she just spit out the rest. “I feel better knowing I have you guys around – you know, you, Willow, Dawn. Makes it easier.”
Tara smiled, and rubbed Faith’s back with her hand. She turned, and continued to make the coffee, letting Faith’s words hang in the air between them. It left such a positive flow in the room.
* * *
She watched Tara’s relative ease with the dark slayer aghast. She had never thought this is where the world would go. How could she? She had trusted Tara, and here she was, comforting a killer in her kitchen with her sister tucked asleep upstairs. She nearly stormed the house then and there. Instead, something inside of her told her to hold back. After all, Faith had helped Tara make coffee. Buffy wondered how long Faith had been in the house, how much she knew. She seemed rather comfortable in a house where she had once tried to kill her Mother. Thankfully, Dawn was at a friend’s house that night, otherwise she would have killed the other slayer then. She often thought she should have. She winced. A gnawing pain set in, just in her abdomen. It happened every time she thought of the dark slayer, like a reminder of the knife she had once shoved into her companion’s stomach. It hurt every bit as much as a knife would have, but more emotionally, more spiritually than anything physical. Her Slayer senses picked up on the sound of footsteps on the staircase before Tara did. Taking a glance at Faith, she knew that the girl had heard them too. She focused back onto the kitchen scene, watching as Willow sleepily entered the room. If fireworks were to happen, it would be now.
* * *
Faith found herself with a weird feeling in the pit of her stomach, she could swear they were being watched. But before she could make any move to check, Willow wandered in, yawning. The redhead’s eyes drifted up and met Faith’s. Willow smiled. “Morning Faith.”
“Morning.” Faith found herself smiling back. “How are you?”
“Wonderful.” Willow’s smile was bright, the brilliance of it catching even Faith off guard. To say Willow was in a good mood would have been a gross understatement.
“Good.” Faith opened the paper in front of her, reading over the front page, shaking her head at all of the evil in the world. A comfortable hush fell over the room, broken only by Faith exclaiming at something she had read. Willow curled up on Tara’s shoulder, content to sit there as Tara waited for the coffee.
Tara turned and caught Willow in her arms, venturing in to steal a kiss from her lover. “Morning.”
“Good morning, love.” Willow smiled.
Faith hopped up from her stool. “You two have your moment, I’ll wake Short Stuff.” She bound up the stairs towards Dawn’s room.
* * *
Willow had forgiven Faith? How did that happen? Buffy was still staring into the kitchen, amazed. Willow and Faith actually civil to one another. She imagined Tara must have something to do with the forgive and forget, but still, Willow had hated Faith with a fiery vengeance. How had she dealt with that? Buffy suddenly felt very alone. Things were not as they once were. She wasn’t sure how to deal with that. She didn’t even know if she could face them. She didn’t know if she could deal with living here. She wasn’t even really sure if she was psyched about being alive. She had been so… blissfully peaceful where she was. To be ripped from that back to life – well, it was cruel. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do, but the first step was getting herself out of her funeral gown. She felt like a zombie from those cheesy horror movies that Xander used to make them watch. The Magic Shop should have a leftover outfit or two from her training days. She could probably break in with little to no trouble, it was way too early for Anya to open anyway. She managed to sit, pondering her next move before traipsing through Sunnydale. She was desperately afraid someone who thought she was very much no longer walking on the ground. She didn’t know if she could handle that situation.
* * *
With Dawn already off to school, and Tara and Willow disappeared back in their room, Faith felt confident she was pretty alone. She stole to the back door, stepping outside in the morning air to clear her thoughts. She found herself humming an old tune she could swear her mother used to play. She remembered what it was now, and she half laughed to herself. The laugh was empty, shallow – it hurt.
* * *
Buffy had hidden even further down in the bushes as Dawn ran down the front wak towards the school bus. She watched her sister for a moment, totally amazed at hot much she'd grown in... however long she'd been gone. She was surprised when she heard the back door open. When Faith appeared from behind it, she went absolutely still, but quickly realized the Slayer was off in another world. Buffy sat, totally transfixed with the dark slayer. Could she really be humming The Beatles?
* * *
She sighed, running a hand through her hair. “B.” She sighed again. And then Faith started to lend her voice to the song, singing softly under her breath.
~There are places I remember, all my life, though some have changed.
Some forever not for better, some have gone, and some remain.
All these places have their moments, but loves and friends I still can recall.
Some are dead and some are living, In my life, I loved them all.
But of all these friends and lovers, there is no one compares with you.
And these memories lose their meaning, when I think of love as something new.
Though I know I’ll never lose affection for people and things that went before,
I know I’ll often stop and think about them, In my life, I love you more.
Though I know I’ll never lose affection for people and things that went before,
I know I’ll often stop and think about them, In my life, I love you more.
In my life – I love you more.~
* * *
Buffy sat, paralyzed. Faith. Singing the Beatles. She was intoxicated with the sound of Faith’s voice. It sounded so haunted, so beautiful. She never knew Faith could sing. She moved in a daze to stand, caught completely off guard. And had she said B?
* * *
Faith caught something moving out of the corner of her eye. She flipped around to look, and suddenly she was face to face with her best dream and worst nightmare. And, quite frankly, she couldn’t have been more frightened.
“B?”
[This message has been edited by Chance (edited January 21, 2002).]
IP: Logged
posted January 21, 2002 05:53 I know it's been a long time, and I'm sure you've all gotten very tired of waiting around for me. Things just never seem to wat to calm down in my life. But, I was in a mood tonight and writing seemed to help. Hot off the presses, not beta-read, written at 5 AM. Cut me some slack, ok?Sorry guys -- it's been rough as hell lately.
Rating: Probably an R, it’ll probably get racy… and it’s Faith, language and such.
Disclaimer: I feel like I’m a little kid playing with her big brother’s very expensive, very complex toys and if I got caught I’d be in trouble. But, I’ll put ‘em back where I found em! And I’ll so be careful! (And I don’t own ‘em, and I’m not making money from this.)
Note: I’m not in the mood to tell you what song it is. I’m pretty sure you’ll know it once you see it. I give credit to the amazing guys who wrote it though.
As Soon As You Were Gone
Chance
Chapter Eleven: Some Are Dead And Some Are Living
When Buffy opened her eyes again, she had no concept of how much time had gone by. Minutes, hours, she wasn’t sure. She slowly began sizing up where she was. She was the slayer, after all, she patrolled these cemeteries every night for four years. She couldn’t tell, though. They had buried her deep in the cemetery, just as Giles had told her they would. Her eyes settled on her own tombstone, a strange feeling washed over her. She reached out and traced the letters with her hand. “She saved the world alot.” Buffy felt the slightest ghost of a smile touching her lips, pulling them up at the tips. She sighed, knowing she had better get moving. Buffy rose up slowly, testing her legs for the first time. She stood solidly, getting used to the feeling of using her body again. She felt numb, displaced. Attempting to shake it off, she headed for the gates, and then to the roads. “Sunnydale, here I come.”
* * *
Faith glanced at her watch. The sun would be coming up in another hour or two, and quite frankly, a warm bed sounded rather appealing at the particular moment. She headed back for the Summers home, her new residence. That thought struck her hard – her residence? She lived in Buffy’s house. She took care of Buffy’s sister. She smiled briefly, testing it out on her features. She had packed Dawn’s lunch that morning. “When did I become so fucking domestic?” She surprised herself at how nice it felt to be heading home to a group of women who actually liked her company. For the first time in a long time, she was expected somewhere. Expected to be home, to let them know where she was going so they wouldn’t worry. As much as she hated to admit it, she honestly enjoyed Tara’s reminders to take care of herself, to be careful. She wanted to be there when something silly happened to make Dawnie spit her milk out of her nose. Or when Willow started to babble because she could never decide what to make for dinner. Despite how much of a reminder it was that she was alone, she loved watching Willow and Tara tuck Dawn in for the night as a couple. She found it cute when she walked in on them kissing when they thought they were alone. Or stealing glances at each other, looking to one another for reassurance. And Dawn’s horrible teenybopper excuse for music was even growing on her. She wasn’t a big Mandy Moore fan, but she was a fan of watching Dawn sing to herself in the mirror using her hairbrush as a microphone. She had a family, and that, if nothing else in her life, felt good. She hurried home a little bit faster.
* * *
Tara’s eyes were barely open as she made her way down the stairs, a blanket draped over her shoulders. She knocked into the end table, because she was so tired. “I have to stop letting Willow keep me up,” she murmured. Basically using her hands to find the doorframe of the kitchen, she moseyed in and began making the coffee, which she knew would keep her awake long enough to get Dawn to school. She didn’t notice Faith sitting on a stool at the counter.
“Need help?”
Tara jumped five feet in the air at the unexpected voice. “Faith, you scared me!”
“Sorry, I haven’t gone to bed yet.” She chuckled. “Have you?”
Tara flashed that half smile, and even Faith felt herself respond. “I’m exhausted.”
“She really should let you at least nap.” Faith shook her head. “It’s always the quiet ones.”
“That’s what everyone keeps telling us.” Tara smiled. “How was patrolling?”
“Uneventful.” Faith grabbed the coffee from the fridge and a filter from the cabinet, handing them both to the blond.
“Oh? So why are you home so late?”
Faith shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep.”
Tara nodded, understanding. “Are you okay?”
Faith bit down her initial reaction to tell the blond to fuck off. It was an old instinct she was still getting used to dismissing. Instead, she took a deep breath. “Not really, but I feel better.” She took another breath, and Tara turned to look at her. Her blue eyes sought for Faith’s, and caught them – Tara’s eyes were filled with concern, genuine concern. It took Faith so off guard, she just spit out the rest. “I feel better knowing I have you guys around – you know, you, Willow, Dawn. Makes it easier.”
Tara smiled, and rubbed Faith’s back with her hand. She turned, and continued to make the coffee, letting Faith’s words hang in the air between them. It left such a positive flow in the room.
* * *
She watched Tara’s relative ease with the dark slayer aghast. She had never thought this is where the world would go. How could she? She had trusted Tara, and here she was, comforting a killer in her kitchen with her sister tucked asleep upstairs. She nearly stormed the house then and there. Instead, something inside of her told her to hold back. After all, Faith had helped Tara make coffee. Buffy wondered how long Faith had been in the house, how much she knew. She seemed rather comfortable in a house where she had once tried to kill her Mother. Thankfully, Dawn was at a friend’s house that night, otherwise she would have killed the other slayer then. She often thought she should have. She winced. A gnawing pain set in, just in her abdomen. It happened every time she thought of the dark slayer, like a reminder of the knife she had once shoved into her companion’s stomach. It hurt every bit as much as a knife would have, but more emotionally, more spiritually than anything physical. Her Slayer senses picked up on the sound of footsteps on the staircase before Tara did. Taking a glance at Faith, she knew that the girl had heard them too. She focused back onto the kitchen scene, watching as Willow sleepily entered the room. If fireworks were to happen, it would be now.
* * *
Faith found herself with a weird feeling in the pit of her stomach, she could swear they were being watched. But before she could make any move to check, Willow wandered in, yawning. The redhead’s eyes drifted up and met Faith’s. Willow smiled. “Morning Faith.”
“Morning.” Faith found herself smiling back. “How are you?”
“Wonderful.” Willow’s smile was bright, the brilliance of it catching even Faith off guard. To say Willow was in a good mood would have been a gross understatement.
“Good.” Faith opened the paper in front of her, reading over the front page, shaking her head at all of the evil in the world. A comfortable hush fell over the room, broken only by Faith exclaiming at something she had read. Willow curled up on Tara’s shoulder, content to sit there as Tara waited for the coffee.
Tara turned and caught Willow in her arms, venturing in to steal a kiss from her lover. “Morning.”
“Good morning, love.” Willow smiled.
Faith hopped up from her stool. “You two have your moment, I’ll wake Short Stuff.” She bound up the stairs towards Dawn’s room.
* * *
Willow had forgiven Faith? How did that happen? Buffy was still staring into the kitchen, amazed. Willow and Faith actually civil to one another. She imagined Tara must have something to do with the forgive and forget, but still, Willow had hated Faith with a fiery vengeance. How had she dealt with that? Buffy suddenly felt very alone. Things were not as they once were. She wasn’t sure how to deal with that. She didn’t even know if she could face them. She didn’t know if she could deal with living here. She wasn’t even really sure if she was psyched about being alive. She had been so… blissfully peaceful where she was. To be ripped from that back to life – well, it was cruel. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do, but the first step was getting herself out of her funeral gown. She felt like a zombie from those cheesy horror movies that Xander used to make them watch. The Magic Shop should have a leftover outfit or two from her training days. She could probably break in with little to no trouble, it was way too early for Anya to open anyway. She managed to sit, pondering her next move before traipsing through Sunnydale. She was desperately afraid someone who thought she was very much no longer walking on the ground. She didn’t know if she could handle that situation.
* * *
With Dawn already off to school, and Tara and Willow disappeared back in their room, Faith felt confident she was pretty alone. She stole to the back door, stepping outside in the morning air to clear her thoughts. She found herself humming an old tune she could swear her mother used to play. She remembered what it was now, and she half laughed to herself. The laugh was empty, shallow – it hurt.
* * *
Buffy had hidden even further down in the bushes as Dawn ran down the front wak towards the school bus. She watched her sister for a moment, totally amazed at hot much she'd grown in... however long she'd been gone. She was surprised when she heard the back door open. When Faith appeared from behind it, she went absolutely still, but quickly realized the Slayer was off in another world. Buffy sat, totally transfixed with the dark slayer. Could she really be humming The Beatles?
* * *
She sighed, running a hand through her hair. “B.” She sighed again. And then Faith started to lend her voice to the song, singing softly under her breath.
~There are places I remember, all my life, though some have changed.
Some forever not for better, some have gone, and some remain.
All these places have their moments, but loves and friends I still can recall.
Some are dead and some are living, In my life, I loved them all.
But of all these friends and lovers, there is no one compares with you.
And these memories lose their meaning, when I think of love as something new.
Though I know I’ll never lose affection for people and things that went before,
I know I’ll often stop and think about them, In my life, I love you more.
Though I know I’ll never lose affection for people and things that went before,
I know I’ll often stop and think about them, In my life, I love you more.
In my life – I love you more.~
* * *
Buffy sat, paralyzed. Faith. Singing the Beatles. She was intoxicated with the sound of Faith’s voice. It sounded so haunted, so beautiful. She never knew Faith could sing. She moved in a daze to stand, caught completely off guard. And had she said B?
* * *
Faith caught something moving out of the corner of her eye. She flipped around to look, and suddenly she was face to face with her best dream and worst nightmare. And, quite frankly, she couldn’t have been more frightened.
“B?”
[This message has been edited by Chance (edited January 21, 2002).]
IP: LoggedKelFloating Rose hope the next part doesn't take as long
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posted January 21, 2002 06:56 Well worth the wait!!!hope the next part doesn't take as long
IP: LoggedmollyigSassy Eggs Great update.
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The new Indigo Girls album, "Become You," is in stores Feb. 26, 2002. For
more info, check out Indigo Girls web site at: http://www.indigogirls.com
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posted January 21, 2002 08:40 I was actually re-reading this a few weeks ago, and was wondering where you'd gone.Great update.
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The new Indigo Girls album, "Become You," is in stores Feb. 26, 2002. For
more info, check out Indigo Girls web site at: http://www.indigogirls.com
Great update Chance.
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posted January 21, 2002 12:01 Yes an update I can't wait to see where this goes with Faith and Buffy. It's nice to read about Willow and Tara being happy though.Great update Chance.
by Chance » Tue Oct 23, 2001 3:21 pm
I apologize for the delay, the reason of course is I'm having a bout of writer's block, mainly because I'm lacking the music I need to do it.
So gimme a day or two more. As soon as it's done, it'll be right here.
I'm sorry, guys.
M.
[This message has been edited by Chance (edited October 23, 2001).]
by delany » Wed Oct 24, 2001 12:15 am
del
by Kieli » Wed Oct 24, 2001 8:10 am
quote:
Originally posted by Chance:
I apologize for the delay, the reason of course is I'm having a bout of writer's block, mainly because I'm lacking the music I need to do it.
If it's music you lack, I'd be happy to help. I've got 425 CDs and 300 tapes at your disposal *deep bow*
K.
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"Sometimes, we just can't make it on our own. We all need someone to love us, to help remind us that there's good in the world, to keep us from going crazy."
Willow from Dacia's The Dreamer Awakes
quote:by Chance » Wed Oct 24, 2001 10:30 am
Thanks Kieli, babe, but I actually think I just found the perfect thing. But if not, you'll be the first I come running to.
Soon, I'm actually not even at home, which makes life a little difficult. Buffalo today, Manhattan tomorrow night, Jersey by Friday, maybe Saturday, and then Montauk. (Feel pity for my car.) But if I have to, I'll write it out and type it on the run.
-M.
by Chance » Thu Nov 15, 2001 12:32 am
Rating: Probably an R, it’ll probably get racy… and it’s Faith, language and such.
Disclaimer: I feel like I’m a little kid playing with her big brother’s very expensive, very complex toys and if I got caught I’d be in trouble. But, I’ll put ‘em back where I found em! And I’ll so be careful! (And I don’t own ‘em, and I’m not making money from this.)
Note: The song is Digital Allies’ “Without You”. This may be kind of awkward, I’m not sure if it works. But I think it needed to happen, and Faith just seems to inspire the most music. I can’t explain it.
Dedication: To Kris, my best friend… you’ll never see this and you’ll never know. But I’m sorry for my sins, and I forgive you yours. Now if only we could deal with actually talking to each other. We’re just stuck in the cycle.
Since You’ve Been Gone
Chance
Chapter Ten : The Memories Won't Go Away
The panic spread through her almost as soon as she opened her eyes. Normally, with her slayer senses, she'd be able to detect some trace of light, but here there was none. She was alone in the darkness. She felt trapped, she moved her arms out to her sides, and found herself with very little room to move. She was lying down, so with both her arms she pushed up. Solid. She was in a box, a wooden box. How had she wound up here? She searched her memory banks, she couldn't remember. It wasn't terribly difficult to breathe, and yet her lungs screamed as she inhaled. All she knew was she wanted out. Using what little strength she had, she pushed with her hands and feet, the full strength of her legs and arms beneath her, and pushed. She pushed through the wall, but found... dirt? DIRT? "WHERE AM I?" she screamed in her own brain, the ability to speak lost for the moment in confusion. "I've been buried. I've been buried alive! I'VE BEEN BURIED ALIVE!" Her breathing became fast and irregular. Slowly things started to fit into place. She was in a coffin. They must have thought she died... And still things became clearer as she came to remember what had happened. Glory. Dawn. I killed myself. Instantly her body flipped into action.
In a combination of punches and digging, she slowly began digging her away through six feet of earth. At first moist and heavy as she took a final breath as all the dirt poured in her face. Digging as quickly as she could, she felt weak, though still stronger than she could only imagine most humans felt. She fought up, feeling her hands scrape and bleed in the process. It was mere annoyance, she had to get herself out. And suddenly, just as quickly as she had started, she stopped. The full weight of the situation hit her suddenly. She wondered if she should bother to keep going. Tears bit at the back of her eyes, and suddenly she felt hot, flushed as they rushed down her cheeks, each carving a path next to the other but never truly intersecting. She wondered if dying again would be worse than dying the first time.
* * *
Tara yawned, curling further into Willow’s body beside her. The redhead responded by placing a supportive arm over her lover. Tara smiled, Willow made her feel safe. Dawn was glued to the television movie they had started to watch by accident, and had been oblivious to her caretakers’ eyes on her. Willow turned and mouthed “Do you think she’s okay?” Tara nodded, leaning in to nuzzle Willow’s neck. She took a brief stop around Willow’s ears to whisper “She’s fine.” Before finding the perfect notch where her head fit – where Willow’s head meets her shoulder. They both sighed, quietly, contentedly. Tara’s eyes closed, and she was soon lost. Embraced by the familiar scent of Willow’s skin, and the perfume of her hair, Tara’s mind drifted.
Willow was getting better again with each day, her energies now focused less on how she was going to deal than with how Dawn was going to deal. She had accepted her best friend wasn’t coming back. It was a nice change to see Willow being herself again, and Tara was glad to have her partner back. They could converse now without one of them breaking down into tears. It was still bad, Willow still cried sometimes in her sleep. But they were going to get through this, Tara was sure of that now. Faith had seen to that. Unfortunately, Faith didn’t seem to be getting any better. She had this notion of being the gang’s one protector. Faith knew that everyone accepted the risks of being a Scooby, but no longer would Faith allow them to take them. Faith even stopped Giles from trying to patrol.
And Tara was pretty sure she heard Faith crying for a few nights. The Slayer certainly didn’t sleep. “Bonafide insomniac.” Faith had said, her eyes faded for a moment, as if she had regressed to a different time. “Had to watch my back… you learn in prison not to sleep.” Tara pushed back the overwhelming sadness that had crept through her, when it was originally said, and just now thinking about it. Tara sighed.
The arm Willow had thrown over her was now applying slight pressure to her. When Tara opened her eyes and looked up, Willow smiled. “I wondered where you went.”
“What time is it?”
“Past our bedtimes.” Willow smiled. “It’s late.” She glanced over at Dawn. “Hey Dawn? It’s time to go to bed.”
Dawn barely glanced up, transfixed in the television. “Okay.”
“So you ready?” Willow’s eyes touched Tara’s softly.
Tara laughed. “Willow – no enforcement?”
“So she doesn’t want to go to bed.” Willow looked confused, offering a “so what” look. Ever since Buffy, she had been giving Dawn a lot of slack.
“It’s late, Will.” Tara turned, and pulled herself off of Willow, resting a gentle hand on Dawn. “C’mon, you have a test tomorrow, let’s go.”
Dawn sighed, jumped up, shut off the television and turned to the couple with a hard stare. “I really could care less about my test.”
“I care.” Tara replied, meeting Dawn’s gaze head on. “Go to bed.”
It was Dawn who broke finally. “Fine.” She seemed exasperated, but she did give them both a hug before she trudged up the stairs.
* * *
Buffy was running out of will, and she knew it. It was becoming harder to dig. But she pressed on, and she knew that it wasn’t for her own well being. She could sense the need as it lingered about this place, the longing. It was as if death had granted her the ability to sense emotion. And it was not long the lingering emotion, but her sense of duty. To Dawn. To Willow. To Xander. To Giles. To Tara and Anya, even… And to Faith? Faith? Why did she feel as if she owed Faith anything? Because even as she knew Faith had betrayed her, she also knew Faith had awakened something within her. And right now, that was part of what was helping her fight her way out.
~Without you, Without you, Without you, Without you, Without you, Without you, Without you, Without you, Without you, Without you, Without you…”
* * *
Faith had been walking for what seemed like hours, and she found herself in the club again. It was dark and seedy, enough to hide her tear stained face and still red eyes. She had stopped outside the Summers residence, but found herself unable to go in. Could she deal with letting Tara and Willow and Dawn seeing her like this? She doubted it. She just didn’t have it in her yet. The dance floor seemed open and inviting, and if there was any place in the world Faith could vent it was there. She passed through the throngs of women, all of whom stared after her. Faith knew she was attractive, but not tonight. She knew that they must feel her pain and grief. She wondered why people flocked to that, why they found it so mystifyingly attractive. She made her way to the DJ, more demanding than requesting her song. She made her way out onto the dance floor and the DJ, scared in part for her life, and convinced that this was going to at least be interesting to watch, tossed in the disc requested. As the previous song ended, the club seemed silent in its rapt attention on Faith. She didn’t notice. The song started, it’s music pumping through the speakers, a drug Faith had to take. She inhaled deeply, as if to suck it through her nose and straight into her blood stream. And soon she was going, and there was no stopping her. The other dancers cleared the floor, almost in awe, scared to get in her way.
~You’re the one, You’re the one, You’re the one, You’re the one, You’re the one, You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you, You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you.~
The music soon pounded out any other thought, Faith dissolved into motion. It was as if the trance took over, leaving Faith’s body to perform as it would. Better to move than to stop and cry. But Faith, Faith just watched herself, an out of body experience. She simply allowed her emotions to sweep through her and out.
~If I could relive my life, I know what I would change, all the times I made you cry, all my thoughts that caused you pain, I know sorry won’t be enough, to tell you how wrong I’ve been, But I don’t know where to start to live my life without you…~
She danced on and on, pouring her energy out, and it flew from her, moving through space and time as if traveling somewhere else.
* * *
Buffy felt a surge of energy like she’d never been given before. And she pulled and clawed and fought, and the dirt gave under her force. She was nearing the top, she could smell the clean air. The fight was not over, but she knew she could make it.
~You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you, You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you. Without You. Without You. Without You. Without You. Without You. ~
When she reached the top, she pulled herself out onto the top soil. She collapsed into the fetal position, hugging herself. She didn’t move. The weight of what she had just done hit her hard, she felt much like poor Atlas. Who had done this? Who had resurrected her? She couldn’t tell. There was no one in the area that seemed to come to her aid. She simply lay there. She didn’t have the energy to do anything else.
* * *
Faith left the club as the song ended. She didn’t bother to stop, regardless of the many onlookers who tried to step in her way. Surprising herself, she was gentle with them, only shooting them a “not now” look as she passed by in a shot. When she made it out the door, she found herself overcome. Her face felt hot behind her cheeks and around her eyes, and it burned slightly. Her legs felt weak, if she tried to walk much further, she’d fall. She retreated to the nearest alley, and slid down the wall, and sobbed for the second time that evening.
~As the days go passing by, my feelings stay the same, I have you always on my mind, I’m living constantly in pain, I know I really should be moving on, but the memories won’t go away, I have you always in my heart, and when I close my eyes I find you.~
The music still pounded in her head, the song seeming to sum up all she felt and all she needed to say. Now she was crying in time with the rythmn instead of dancing to it.
~You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you, You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you. You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you.~
She laughed bitterly through her tears. “Well, it can’t get much worse. But I certainly can’t keep going like this.”
* * *
“I’m sorry if I’m not helping with the parental on Dawn. It’s just, I can only imagine how hard all of this must be for her, I mean, her Mom, and Buffy…” Willow’s voice trailed.
“It’s okay. You’re still dealing, too. I can do it for now, but we’re all gonna have to take some responsibility for this soon, because Dawn’s gonna need a lot of our attention. And school’s starting back up for us pretty soon.”
“You’re right. I know you’re right.” Willow watched as Tara slipped into her typical nightgown. Her lips flirted with a smile, as she recalled the first time she had ever seen Tara in it. It was the first night Willow had let her new girlfriend come to bed with clothes on at all, and it was only because they both had tests early the next morning. She hadn’t known what to expect, honestly, but she supposed she had guessed her girlfriend was a sweats type gal. She couldn’t have been more happily wrong. Tara had just reached into her drawer and grabbed a simple black slip. It sat on her shoulders with spaghetti straps, and slid down her body, making those curves of hers even more delicious. The silky material of it had made the slopes of her breasts and the points of her nipples all the more prominent. Willow salivated. Tara seemed unaware.
“That’s what you wear to bed?!?” Willow exclaimed, surprised at the force in them.
“Why? Is there something wrong with it?” Tara glanced down at herself, suddenly feeling unsure. She knew it was getting pretty ratty, her Mom had bought her it before… Well, it was one of the last things her Mother had given her, and she loved wearing it. It was the most comfortable thing to sleep in, in part because of the material and in part because of the warm feeling the memory of her mother lingered in the material.
“I don’t know how you expect me to keep my hands off of you.”
Tara simply beamed, and she couldn’t have been more radiant. “Well, you’ll just have to learn. I wear this all the time, Willow! It’s not sexy!”
“Tara… how many times do I have to explain to you? You’re never not sexy.”
Willow and Tara both aced their tests. Even with only a half hour of sleep. “I love your sleep wear.”
Tara laughed, and it filled the room. Willow nearly wept at the joy in it. “You have since the beginning.”
“And I will till the end of us both.”
“I really do love you, Ms. Willow Rosenberg.”
“And I couldn’t be more madly in love with you…” Willow stared at Tara for a moment. “Tara, I couldn’t make it through a day without you. You know that, right?”
“I know, Willow.” Tara cocked her head. “I know.”
“I don’t ever want to spend another day without you.”
“You won’t have to. What’s all of this about, babe?”
“It just struck me that I want to marry you.” Willow smiled. “I want to be yours and I want you to be mine in the truest possible way. Tara, marry me.”
“Willow, we’re happy the way we are. Let’s let things settle a little bit, and then if you still want to marry me this desperately…”
“Tara! I don’t want things to settle! Things will never settle. And I will always want to marry you. I can’t go on without you.”
“But…”
“No buts, Tara. This is a good thing. This is amazing, it’s perfect. Trust me, Tara. This is something that I want and need to do.” Willow’s brow creased. “Unless you don’t want to marry me…”
“Willow, don’t be silly! Of course I want to marry you, but Dawn, and…”
“Faith?”
“I know that she’s not your favorite person, but I worry about her.”
“I do too. I understand. Just promise you’ll marry me, and we’ll wait till at least the grief eases.”
“I promise I’ll marry you.”
Willow smiled, and held her arms open. Tara quickly filled them. And they stood like that for awhile, just enjoying the feeling of being complete.
~You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you. You’re the one that I love, and I can’t go on without you. And I can’t go on, I can’t go on without you. Without You. Without You. Without You. Without You. ~
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del
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Katharyn
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She's my always
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Sorry guys -- it's been rough as hell lately.
Rating: Probably an R, it’ll probably get racy… and it’s Faith, language and such.
Disclaimer: I feel like I’m a little kid playing with her big brother’s very expensive, very complex toys and if I got caught I’d be in trouble. But, I’ll put ‘em back where I found em! And I’ll so be careful! (And I don’t own ‘em, and I’m not making money from this.)
Note: I’m not in the mood to tell you what song it is. I’m pretty sure you’ll know it once you see it. I give credit to the amazing guys who wrote it though.
As Soon As You Were Gone
Chance
Chapter Eleven: Some Are Dead And Some Are Living
When Buffy opened her eyes again, she had no concept of how much time had gone by. Minutes, hours, she wasn’t sure. She slowly began sizing up where she was. She was the slayer, after all, she patrolled these cemeteries every night for four years. She couldn’t tell, though. They had buried her deep in the cemetery, just as Giles had told her they would. Her eyes settled on her own tombstone, a strange feeling washed over her. She reached out and traced the letters with her hand. “She saved the world alot.” Buffy felt the slightest ghost of a smile touching her lips, pulling them up at the tips. She sighed, knowing she had better get moving. Buffy rose up slowly, testing her legs for the first time. She stood solidly, getting used to the feeling of using her body again. She felt numb, displaced. Attempting to shake it off, she headed for the gates, and then to the roads. “Sunnydale, here I come.”
* * *
Faith glanced at her watch. The sun would be coming up in another hour or two, and quite frankly, a warm bed sounded rather appealing at the particular moment. She headed back for the Summers home, her new residence. That thought struck her hard – her residence? She lived in Buffy’s house. She took care of Buffy’s sister. She smiled briefly, testing it out on her features. She had packed Dawn’s lunch that morning. “When did I become so fucking domestic?” She surprised herself at how nice it felt to be heading home to a group of women who actually liked her company. For the first time in a long time, she was expected somewhere. Expected to be home, to let them know where she was going so they wouldn’t worry. As much as she hated to admit it, she honestly enjoyed Tara’s reminders to take care of herself, to be careful. She wanted to be there when something silly happened to make Dawnie spit her milk out of her nose. Or when Willow started to babble because she could never decide what to make for dinner. Despite how much of a reminder it was that she was alone, she loved watching Willow and Tara tuck Dawn in for the night as a couple. She found it cute when she walked in on them kissing when they thought they were alone. Or stealing glances at each other, looking to one another for reassurance. And Dawn’s horrible teenybopper excuse for music was even growing on her. She wasn’t a big Mandy Moore fan, but she was a fan of watching Dawn sing to herself in the mirror using her hairbrush as a microphone. She had a family, and that, if nothing else in her life, felt good. She hurried home a little bit faster.
* * *
Tara’s eyes were barely open as she made her way down the stairs, a blanket draped over her shoulders. She knocked into the end table, because she was so tired. “I have to stop letting Willow keep me up,” she murmured. Basically using her hands to find the doorframe of the kitchen, she moseyed in and began making the coffee, which she knew would keep her awake long enough to get Dawn to school. She didn’t notice Faith sitting on a stool at the counter.
“Need help?”
Tara jumped five feet in the air at the unexpected voice. “Faith, you scared me!”
“Sorry, I haven’t gone to bed yet.” She chuckled. “Have you?”
Tara flashed that half smile, and even Faith felt herself respond. “I’m exhausted.”
“She really should let you at least nap.” Faith shook her head. “It’s always the quiet ones.”
“That’s what everyone keeps telling us.” Tara smiled. “How was patrolling?”
“Uneventful.” Faith grabbed the coffee from the fridge and a filter from the cabinet, handing them both to the blond.
“Oh? So why are you home so late?”
Faith shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep.”
Tara nodded, understanding. “Are you okay?”
Faith bit down her initial reaction to tell the blond to fuck off. It was an old instinct she was still getting used to dismissing. Instead, she took a deep breath. “Not really, but I feel better.” She took another breath, and Tara turned to look at her. Her blue eyes sought for Faith’s, and caught them – Tara’s eyes were filled with concern, genuine concern. It took Faith so off guard, she just spit out the rest. “I feel better knowing I have you guys around – you know, you, Willow, Dawn. Makes it easier.”
Tara smiled, and rubbed Faith’s back with her hand. She turned, and continued to make the coffee, letting Faith’s words hang in the air between them. It left such a positive flow in the room.
* * *
She watched Tara’s relative ease with the dark slayer aghast. She had never thought this is where the world would go. How could she? She had trusted Tara, and here she was, comforting a killer in her kitchen with her sister tucked asleep upstairs. She nearly stormed the house then and there. Instead, something inside of her told her to hold back. After all, Faith had helped Tara make coffee. Buffy wondered how long Faith had been in the house, how much she knew. She seemed rather comfortable in a house where she had once tried to kill her Mother. Thankfully, Dawn was at a friend’s house that night, otherwise she would have killed the other slayer then. She often thought she should have. She winced. A gnawing pain set in, just in her abdomen. It happened every time she thought of the dark slayer, like a reminder of the knife she had once shoved into her companion’s stomach. It hurt every bit as much as a knife would have, but more emotionally, more spiritually than anything physical. Her Slayer senses picked up on the sound of footsteps on the staircase before Tara did. Taking a glance at Faith, she knew that the girl had heard them too. She focused back onto the kitchen scene, watching as Willow sleepily entered the room. If fireworks were to happen, it would be now.
* * *
Faith found herself with a weird feeling in the pit of her stomach, she could swear they were being watched. But before she could make any move to check, Willow wandered in, yawning. The redhead’s eyes drifted up and met Faith’s. Willow smiled. “Morning Faith.”
“Morning.” Faith found herself smiling back. “How are you?”
“Wonderful.” Willow’s smile was bright, the brilliance of it catching even Faith off guard. To say Willow was in a good mood would have been a gross understatement.
“Good.” Faith opened the paper in front of her, reading over the front page, shaking her head at all of the evil in the world. A comfortable hush fell over the room, broken only by Faith exclaiming at something she had read. Willow curled up on Tara’s shoulder, content to sit there as Tara waited for the coffee.
Tara turned and caught Willow in her arms, venturing in to steal a kiss from her lover. “Morning.”
“Good morning, love.” Willow smiled.
Faith hopped up from her stool. “You two have your moment, I’ll wake Short Stuff.” She bound up the stairs towards Dawn’s room.
* * *
Willow had forgiven Faith? How did that happen? Buffy was still staring into the kitchen, amazed. Willow and Faith actually civil to one another. She imagined Tara must have something to do with the forgive and forget, but still, Willow had hated Faith with a fiery vengeance. How had she dealt with that? Buffy suddenly felt very alone. Things were not as they once were. She wasn’t sure how to deal with that. She didn’t even know if she could face them. She didn’t know if she could deal with living here. She wasn’t even really sure if she was psyched about being alive. She had been so… blissfully peaceful where she was. To be ripped from that back to life – well, it was cruel. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do, but the first step was getting herself out of her funeral gown. She felt like a zombie from those cheesy horror movies that Xander used to make them watch. The Magic Shop should have a leftover outfit or two from her training days. She could probably break in with little to no trouble, it was way too early for Anya to open anyway. She managed to sit, pondering her next move before traipsing through Sunnydale. She was desperately afraid someone who thought she was very much no longer walking on the ground. She didn’t know if she could handle that situation.
* * *
With Dawn already off to school, and Tara and Willow disappeared back in their room, Faith felt confident she was pretty alone. She stole to the back door, stepping outside in the morning air to clear her thoughts. She found herself humming an old tune she could swear her mother used to play. She remembered what it was now, and she half laughed to herself. The laugh was empty, shallow – it hurt.
* * *
Buffy had hidden even further down in the bushes as Dawn ran down the front wak towards the school bus. She watched her sister for a moment, totally amazed at hot much she'd grown in... however long she'd been gone. She was surprised when she heard the back door open. When Faith appeared from behind it, she went absolutely still, but quickly realized the Slayer was off in another world. Buffy sat, totally transfixed with the dark slayer. Could she really be humming The Beatles?
* * *
She sighed, running a hand through her hair. “B.” She sighed again. And then Faith started to lend her voice to the song, singing softly under her breath.
~There are places I remember, all my life, though some have changed.
Some forever not for better, some have gone, and some remain.
All these places have their moments, but loves and friends I still can recall.
Some are dead and some are living, In my life, I loved them all.
But of all these friends and lovers, there is no one compares with you.
And these memories lose their meaning, when I think of love as something new.
Though I know I’ll never lose affection for people and things that went before,
I know I’ll often stop and think about them, In my life, I love you more.
Though I know I’ll never lose affection for people and things that went before,
I know I’ll often stop and think about them, In my life, I love you more.
In my life – I love you more.~
* * *
Buffy sat, paralyzed. Faith. Singing the Beatles. She was intoxicated with the sound of Faith’s voice. It sounded so haunted, so beautiful. She never knew Faith could sing. She moved in a daze to stand, caught completely off guard. And had she said B?
* * *
Faith caught something moving out of the corner of her eye. She flipped around to look, and suddenly she was face to face with her best dream and worst nightmare. And, quite frankly, she couldn’t have been more frightened.
“B?”
[This message has been edited by Chance (edited January 21, 2002).]
IP: Logged
hope the next part doesn't take as long
IP: Logged
Great update.
------------------
The new Indigo Girls album, "Become You," is in stores Feb. 26, 2002. For
more info, check out Indigo Girls web site at: http://www.indigogirls.com
IP: Logged
Great update Chance.
IP: Logged
del
IP: Logged
posted November 15, 2001 05:20 aww.. makes my heart go boom boom..del
IP: LoggedKatharynBig Pineapple Katharyn
------------------
She's my always
IP: Logged
posted November 15, 2001 13:18 Mmmmmn wonderful place to leave it and another great part.Katharyn
------------------
She's my always
IP: Logged
posted November 15, 2001 17:24 Thanks Chance that was wonderful, I don't mind the messing about with canon at all IP: Loggedthe_slayers_girlFloating Rose IP: Logged
posted November 15, 2001 17:45 thats sooo sweet...thank you IP: LoggedChanceCool Monster Fighter Sorry guys -- it's been rough as hell lately.
Rating: Probably an R, it’ll probably get racy… and it’s Faith, language and such.
Disclaimer: I feel like I’m a little kid playing with her big brother’s very expensive, very complex toys and if I got caught I’d be in trouble. But, I’ll put ‘em back where I found em! And I’ll so be careful! (And I don’t own ‘em, and I’m not making money from this.)
Note: I’m not in the mood to tell you what song it is. I’m pretty sure you’ll know it once you see it. I give credit to the amazing guys who wrote it though.
As Soon As You Were Gone
Chance
Chapter Eleven: Some Are Dead And Some Are Living
When Buffy opened her eyes again, she had no concept of how much time had gone by. Minutes, hours, she wasn’t sure. She slowly began sizing up where she was. She was the slayer, after all, she patrolled these cemeteries every night for four years. She couldn’t tell, though. They had buried her deep in the cemetery, just as Giles had told her they would. Her eyes settled on her own tombstone, a strange feeling washed over her. She reached out and traced the letters with her hand. “She saved the world alot.” Buffy felt the slightest ghost of a smile touching her lips, pulling them up at the tips. She sighed, knowing she had better get moving. Buffy rose up slowly, testing her legs for the first time. She stood solidly, getting used to the feeling of using her body again. She felt numb, displaced. Attempting to shake it off, she headed for the gates, and then to the roads. “Sunnydale, here I come.”
* * *
Faith glanced at her watch. The sun would be coming up in another hour or two, and quite frankly, a warm bed sounded rather appealing at the particular moment. She headed back for the Summers home, her new residence. That thought struck her hard – her residence? She lived in Buffy’s house. She took care of Buffy’s sister. She smiled briefly, testing it out on her features. She had packed Dawn’s lunch that morning. “When did I become so fucking domestic?” She surprised herself at how nice it felt to be heading home to a group of women who actually liked her company. For the first time in a long time, she was expected somewhere. Expected to be home, to let them know where she was going so they wouldn’t worry. As much as she hated to admit it, she honestly enjoyed Tara’s reminders to take care of herself, to be careful. She wanted to be there when something silly happened to make Dawnie spit her milk out of her nose. Or when Willow started to babble because she could never decide what to make for dinner. Despite how much of a reminder it was that she was alone, she loved watching Willow and Tara tuck Dawn in for the night as a couple. She found it cute when she walked in on them kissing when they thought they were alone. Or stealing glances at each other, looking to one another for reassurance. And Dawn’s horrible teenybopper excuse for music was even growing on her. She wasn’t a big Mandy Moore fan, but she was a fan of watching Dawn sing to herself in the mirror using her hairbrush as a microphone. She had a family, and that, if nothing else in her life, felt good. She hurried home a little bit faster.
* * *
Tara’s eyes were barely open as she made her way down the stairs, a blanket draped over her shoulders. She knocked into the end table, because she was so tired. “I have to stop letting Willow keep me up,” she murmured. Basically using her hands to find the doorframe of the kitchen, she moseyed in and began making the coffee, which she knew would keep her awake long enough to get Dawn to school. She didn’t notice Faith sitting on a stool at the counter.
“Need help?”
Tara jumped five feet in the air at the unexpected voice. “Faith, you scared me!”
“Sorry, I haven’t gone to bed yet.” She chuckled. “Have you?”
Tara flashed that half smile, and even Faith felt herself respond. “I’m exhausted.”
“She really should let you at least nap.” Faith shook her head. “It’s always the quiet ones.”
“That’s what everyone keeps telling us.” Tara smiled. “How was patrolling?”
“Uneventful.” Faith grabbed the coffee from the fridge and a filter from the cabinet, handing them both to the blond.
“Oh? So why are you home so late?”
Faith shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep.”
Tara nodded, understanding. “Are you okay?”
Faith bit down her initial reaction to tell the blond to fuck off. It was an old instinct she was still getting used to dismissing. Instead, she took a deep breath. “Not really, but I feel better.” She took another breath, and Tara turned to look at her. Her blue eyes sought for Faith’s, and caught them – Tara’s eyes were filled with concern, genuine concern. It took Faith so off guard, she just spit out the rest. “I feel better knowing I have you guys around – you know, you, Willow, Dawn. Makes it easier.”
Tara smiled, and rubbed Faith’s back with her hand. She turned, and continued to make the coffee, letting Faith’s words hang in the air between them. It left such a positive flow in the room.
* * *
She watched Tara’s relative ease with the dark slayer aghast. She had never thought this is where the world would go. How could she? She had trusted Tara, and here she was, comforting a killer in her kitchen with her sister tucked asleep upstairs. She nearly stormed the house then and there. Instead, something inside of her told her to hold back. After all, Faith had helped Tara make coffee. Buffy wondered how long Faith had been in the house, how much she knew. She seemed rather comfortable in a house where she had once tried to kill her Mother. Thankfully, Dawn was at a friend’s house that night, otherwise she would have killed the other slayer then. She often thought she should have. She winced. A gnawing pain set in, just in her abdomen. It happened every time she thought of the dark slayer, like a reminder of the knife she had once shoved into her companion’s stomach. It hurt every bit as much as a knife would have, but more emotionally, more spiritually than anything physical. Her Slayer senses picked up on the sound of footsteps on the staircase before Tara did. Taking a glance at Faith, she knew that the girl had heard them too. She focused back onto the kitchen scene, watching as Willow sleepily entered the room. If fireworks were to happen, it would be now.
* * *
Faith found herself with a weird feeling in the pit of her stomach, she could swear they were being watched. But before she could make any move to check, Willow wandered in, yawning. The redhead’s eyes drifted up and met Faith’s. Willow smiled. “Morning Faith.”
“Morning.” Faith found herself smiling back. “How are you?”
“Wonderful.” Willow’s smile was bright, the brilliance of it catching even Faith off guard. To say Willow was in a good mood would have been a gross understatement.
“Good.” Faith opened the paper in front of her, reading over the front page, shaking her head at all of the evil in the world. A comfortable hush fell over the room, broken only by Faith exclaiming at something she had read. Willow curled up on Tara’s shoulder, content to sit there as Tara waited for the coffee.
Tara turned and caught Willow in her arms, venturing in to steal a kiss from her lover. “Morning.”
“Good morning, love.” Willow smiled.
Faith hopped up from her stool. “You two have your moment, I’ll wake Short Stuff.” She bound up the stairs towards Dawn’s room.
* * *
Willow had forgiven Faith? How did that happen? Buffy was still staring into the kitchen, amazed. Willow and Faith actually civil to one another. She imagined Tara must have something to do with the forgive and forget, but still, Willow had hated Faith with a fiery vengeance. How had she dealt with that? Buffy suddenly felt very alone. Things were not as they once were. She wasn’t sure how to deal with that. She didn’t even know if she could face them. She didn’t know if she could deal with living here. She wasn’t even really sure if she was psyched about being alive. She had been so… blissfully peaceful where she was. To be ripped from that back to life – well, it was cruel. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do, but the first step was getting herself out of her funeral gown. She felt like a zombie from those cheesy horror movies that Xander used to make them watch. The Magic Shop should have a leftover outfit or two from her training days. She could probably break in with little to no trouble, it was way too early for Anya to open anyway. She managed to sit, pondering her next move before traipsing through Sunnydale. She was desperately afraid someone who thought she was very much no longer walking on the ground. She didn’t know if she could handle that situation.
* * *
With Dawn already off to school, and Tara and Willow disappeared back in their room, Faith felt confident she was pretty alone. She stole to the back door, stepping outside in the morning air to clear her thoughts. She found herself humming an old tune she could swear her mother used to play. She remembered what it was now, and she half laughed to herself. The laugh was empty, shallow – it hurt.
* * *
Buffy had hidden even further down in the bushes as Dawn ran down the front wak towards the school bus. She watched her sister for a moment, totally amazed at hot much she'd grown in... however long she'd been gone. She was surprised when she heard the back door open. When Faith appeared from behind it, she went absolutely still, but quickly realized the Slayer was off in another world. Buffy sat, totally transfixed with the dark slayer. Could she really be humming The Beatles?
* * *
She sighed, running a hand through her hair. “B.” She sighed again. And then Faith started to lend her voice to the song, singing softly under her breath.
~There are places I remember, all my life, though some have changed.
Some forever not for better, some have gone, and some remain.
All these places have their moments, but loves and friends I still can recall.
Some are dead and some are living, In my life, I loved them all.
But of all these friends and lovers, there is no one compares with you.
And these memories lose their meaning, when I think of love as something new.
Though I know I’ll never lose affection for people and things that went before,
I know I’ll often stop and think about them, In my life, I love you more.
Though I know I’ll never lose affection for people and things that went before,
I know I’ll often stop and think about them, In my life, I love you more.
In my life – I love you more.~
* * *
Buffy sat, paralyzed. Faith. Singing the Beatles. She was intoxicated with the sound of Faith’s voice. It sounded so haunted, so beautiful. She never knew Faith could sing. She moved in a daze to stand, caught completely off guard. And had she said B?
* * *
Faith caught something moving out of the corner of her eye. She flipped around to look, and suddenly she was face to face with her best dream and worst nightmare. And, quite frankly, she couldn’t have been more frightened.
“B?”
[This message has been edited by Chance (edited January 21, 2002).]
IP: Logged
posted January 21, 2002 05:53 I know it's been a long time, and I'm sure you've all gotten very tired of waiting around for me. Things just never seem to wat to calm down in my life. But, I was in a mood tonight and writing seemed to help. Hot off the presses, not beta-read, written at 5 AM. Cut me some slack, ok?Sorry guys -- it's been rough as hell lately.
Rating: Probably an R, it’ll probably get racy… and it’s Faith, language and such.
Disclaimer: I feel like I’m a little kid playing with her big brother’s very expensive, very complex toys and if I got caught I’d be in trouble. But, I’ll put ‘em back where I found em! And I’ll so be careful! (And I don’t own ‘em, and I’m not making money from this.)
Note: I’m not in the mood to tell you what song it is. I’m pretty sure you’ll know it once you see it. I give credit to the amazing guys who wrote it though.
As Soon As You Were Gone
Chance
Chapter Eleven: Some Are Dead And Some Are Living
When Buffy opened her eyes again, she had no concept of how much time had gone by. Minutes, hours, she wasn’t sure. She slowly began sizing up where she was. She was the slayer, after all, she patrolled these cemeteries every night for four years. She couldn’t tell, though. They had buried her deep in the cemetery, just as Giles had told her they would. Her eyes settled on her own tombstone, a strange feeling washed over her. She reached out and traced the letters with her hand. “She saved the world alot.” Buffy felt the slightest ghost of a smile touching her lips, pulling them up at the tips. She sighed, knowing she had better get moving. Buffy rose up slowly, testing her legs for the first time. She stood solidly, getting used to the feeling of using her body again. She felt numb, displaced. Attempting to shake it off, she headed for the gates, and then to the roads. “Sunnydale, here I come.”
* * *
Faith glanced at her watch. The sun would be coming up in another hour or two, and quite frankly, a warm bed sounded rather appealing at the particular moment. She headed back for the Summers home, her new residence. That thought struck her hard – her residence? She lived in Buffy’s house. She took care of Buffy’s sister. She smiled briefly, testing it out on her features. She had packed Dawn’s lunch that morning. “When did I become so fucking domestic?” She surprised herself at how nice it felt to be heading home to a group of women who actually liked her company. For the first time in a long time, she was expected somewhere. Expected to be home, to let them know where she was going so they wouldn’t worry. As much as she hated to admit it, she honestly enjoyed Tara’s reminders to take care of herself, to be careful. She wanted to be there when something silly happened to make Dawnie spit her milk out of her nose. Or when Willow started to babble because she could never decide what to make for dinner. Despite how much of a reminder it was that she was alone, she loved watching Willow and Tara tuck Dawn in for the night as a couple. She found it cute when she walked in on them kissing when they thought they were alone. Or stealing glances at each other, looking to one another for reassurance. And Dawn’s horrible teenybopper excuse for music was even growing on her. She wasn’t a big Mandy Moore fan, but she was a fan of watching Dawn sing to herself in the mirror using her hairbrush as a microphone. She had a family, and that, if nothing else in her life, felt good. She hurried home a little bit faster.
* * *
Tara’s eyes were barely open as she made her way down the stairs, a blanket draped over her shoulders. She knocked into the end table, because she was so tired. “I have to stop letting Willow keep me up,” she murmured. Basically using her hands to find the doorframe of the kitchen, she moseyed in and began making the coffee, which she knew would keep her awake long enough to get Dawn to school. She didn’t notice Faith sitting on a stool at the counter.
“Need help?”
Tara jumped five feet in the air at the unexpected voice. “Faith, you scared me!”
“Sorry, I haven’t gone to bed yet.” She chuckled. “Have you?”
Tara flashed that half smile, and even Faith felt herself respond. “I’m exhausted.”
“She really should let you at least nap.” Faith shook her head. “It’s always the quiet ones.”
“That’s what everyone keeps telling us.” Tara smiled. “How was patrolling?”
“Uneventful.” Faith grabbed the coffee from the fridge and a filter from the cabinet, handing them both to the blond.
“Oh? So why are you home so late?”
Faith shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep.”
Tara nodded, understanding. “Are you okay?”
Faith bit down her initial reaction to tell the blond to fuck off. It was an old instinct she was still getting used to dismissing. Instead, she took a deep breath. “Not really, but I feel better.” She took another breath, and Tara turned to look at her. Her blue eyes sought for Faith’s, and caught them – Tara’s eyes were filled with concern, genuine concern. It took Faith so off guard, she just spit out the rest. “I feel better knowing I have you guys around – you know, you, Willow, Dawn. Makes it easier.”
Tara smiled, and rubbed Faith’s back with her hand. She turned, and continued to make the coffee, letting Faith’s words hang in the air between them. It left such a positive flow in the room.
* * *
She watched Tara’s relative ease with the dark slayer aghast. She had never thought this is where the world would go. How could she? She had trusted Tara, and here she was, comforting a killer in her kitchen with her sister tucked asleep upstairs. She nearly stormed the house then and there. Instead, something inside of her told her to hold back. After all, Faith had helped Tara make coffee. Buffy wondered how long Faith had been in the house, how much she knew. She seemed rather comfortable in a house where she had once tried to kill her Mother. Thankfully, Dawn was at a friend’s house that night, otherwise she would have killed the other slayer then. She often thought she should have. She winced. A gnawing pain set in, just in her abdomen. It happened every time she thought of the dark slayer, like a reminder of the knife she had once shoved into her companion’s stomach. It hurt every bit as much as a knife would have, but more emotionally, more spiritually than anything physical. Her Slayer senses picked up on the sound of footsteps on the staircase before Tara did. Taking a glance at Faith, she knew that the girl had heard them too. She focused back onto the kitchen scene, watching as Willow sleepily entered the room. If fireworks were to happen, it would be now.
* * *
Faith found herself with a weird feeling in the pit of her stomach, she could swear they were being watched. But before she could make any move to check, Willow wandered in, yawning. The redhead’s eyes drifted up and met Faith’s. Willow smiled. “Morning Faith.”
“Morning.” Faith found herself smiling back. “How are you?”
“Wonderful.” Willow’s smile was bright, the brilliance of it catching even Faith off guard. To say Willow was in a good mood would have been a gross understatement.
“Good.” Faith opened the paper in front of her, reading over the front page, shaking her head at all of the evil in the world. A comfortable hush fell over the room, broken only by Faith exclaiming at something she had read. Willow curled up on Tara’s shoulder, content to sit there as Tara waited for the coffee.
Tara turned and caught Willow in her arms, venturing in to steal a kiss from her lover. “Morning.”
“Good morning, love.” Willow smiled.
Faith hopped up from her stool. “You two have your moment, I’ll wake Short Stuff.” She bound up the stairs towards Dawn’s room.
* * *
Willow had forgiven Faith? How did that happen? Buffy was still staring into the kitchen, amazed. Willow and Faith actually civil to one another. She imagined Tara must have something to do with the forgive and forget, but still, Willow had hated Faith with a fiery vengeance. How had she dealt with that? Buffy suddenly felt very alone. Things were not as they once were. She wasn’t sure how to deal with that. She didn’t even know if she could face them. She didn’t know if she could deal with living here. She wasn’t even really sure if she was psyched about being alive. She had been so… blissfully peaceful where she was. To be ripped from that back to life – well, it was cruel. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do, but the first step was getting herself out of her funeral gown. She felt like a zombie from those cheesy horror movies that Xander used to make them watch. The Magic Shop should have a leftover outfit or two from her training days. She could probably break in with little to no trouble, it was way too early for Anya to open anyway. She managed to sit, pondering her next move before traipsing through Sunnydale. She was desperately afraid someone who thought she was very much no longer walking on the ground. She didn’t know if she could handle that situation.
* * *
With Dawn already off to school, and Tara and Willow disappeared back in their room, Faith felt confident she was pretty alone. She stole to the back door, stepping outside in the morning air to clear her thoughts. She found herself humming an old tune she could swear her mother used to play. She remembered what it was now, and she half laughed to herself. The laugh was empty, shallow – it hurt.
* * *
Buffy had hidden even further down in the bushes as Dawn ran down the front wak towards the school bus. She watched her sister for a moment, totally amazed at hot much she'd grown in... however long she'd been gone. She was surprised when she heard the back door open. When Faith appeared from behind it, she went absolutely still, but quickly realized the Slayer was off in another world. Buffy sat, totally transfixed with the dark slayer. Could she really be humming The Beatles?
* * *
She sighed, running a hand through her hair. “B.” She sighed again. And then Faith started to lend her voice to the song, singing softly under her breath.
~There are places I remember, all my life, though some have changed.
Some forever not for better, some have gone, and some remain.
All these places have their moments, but loves and friends I still can recall.
Some are dead and some are living, In my life, I loved them all.
But of all these friends and lovers, there is no one compares with you.
And these memories lose their meaning, when I think of love as something new.
Though I know I’ll never lose affection for people and things that went before,
I know I’ll often stop and think about them, In my life, I love you more.
Though I know I’ll never lose affection for people and things that went before,
I know I’ll often stop and think about them, In my life, I love you more.
In my life – I love you more.~
* * *
Buffy sat, paralyzed. Faith. Singing the Beatles. She was intoxicated with the sound of Faith’s voice. It sounded so haunted, so beautiful. She never knew Faith could sing. She moved in a daze to stand, caught completely off guard. And had she said B?
* * *
Faith caught something moving out of the corner of her eye. She flipped around to look, and suddenly she was face to face with her best dream and worst nightmare. And, quite frankly, she couldn’t have been more frightened.
“B?”
[This message has been edited by Chance (edited January 21, 2002).]
IP: LoggedKelFloating Rose hope the next part doesn't take as long
IP: Logged
posted January 21, 2002 06:56 Well worth the wait!!!hope the next part doesn't take as long
IP: LoggedmollyigSassy Eggs Great update.
------------------
The new Indigo Girls album, "Become You," is in stores Feb. 26, 2002. For
more info, check out Indigo Girls web site at: http://www.indigogirls.com
IP: Logged
posted January 21, 2002 08:40 I was actually re-reading this a few weeks ago, and was wondering where you'd gone.Great update.
------------------
The new Indigo Girls album, "Become You," is in stores Feb. 26, 2002. For
more info, check out Indigo Girls web site at: http://www.indigogirls.com
Great update Chance.
IP: Logged
posted January 21, 2002 12:01 Yes an update I can't wait to see where this goes with Faith and Buffy. It's nice to read about Willow and Tara being happy though.Great update Chance.
by delany » Thu Nov 15, 2001 3:20 am
del
by Katharyn » Thu Nov 15, 2001 11:18 am
Katharyn
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She's my always
by Puff » Thu Nov 15, 2001 3:24 pm
by the_slayers_girl » Thu Nov 15, 2001 3:45 pm
by Chance » Mon Jan 21, 2002 3:53 am
Sorry guys -- it's been rough as hell lately.
Rating: Probably an R, it’ll probably get racy… and it’s Faith, language and such.
Disclaimer: I feel like I’m a little kid playing with her big brother’s very expensive, very complex toys and if I got caught I’d be in trouble. But, I’ll put ‘em back where I found em! And I’ll so be careful! (And I don’t own ‘em, and I’m not making money from this.)
Note: I’m not in the mood to tell you what song it is. I’m pretty sure you’ll know it once you see it. I give credit to the amazing guys who wrote it though.
As Soon As You Were Gone
Chance
Chapter Eleven: Some Are Dead And Some Are Living
When Buffy opened her eyes again, she had no concept of how much time had gone by. Minutes, hours, she wasn’t sure. She slowly began sizing up where she was. She was the slayer, after all, she patrolled these cemeteries every night for four years. She couldn’t tell, though. They had buried her deep in the cemetery, just as Giles had told her they would. Her eyes settled on her own tombstone, a strange feeling washed over her. She reached out and traced the letters with her hand. “She saved the world alot.” Buffy felt the slightest ghost of a smile touching her lips, pulling them up at the tips. She sighed, knowing she had better get moving. Buffy rose up slowly, testing her legs for the first time. She stood solidly, getting used to the feeling of using her body again. She felt numb, displaced. Attempting to shake it off, she headed for the gates, and then to the roads. “Sunnydale, here I come.”
* * *
Faith glanced at her watch. The sun would be coming up in another hour or two, and quite frankly, a warm bed sounded rather appealing at the particular moment. She headed back for the Summers home, her new residence. That thought struck her hard – her residence? She lived in Buffy’s house. She took care of Buffy’s sister. She smiled briefly, testing it out on her features. She had packed Dawn’s lunch that morning. “When did I become so fucking domestic?” She surprised herself at how nice it felt to be heading home to a group of women who actually liked her company. For the first time in a long time, she was expected somewhere. Expected to be home, to let them know where she was going so they wouldn’t worry. As much as she hated to admit it, she honestly enjoyed Tara’s reminders to take care of herself, to be careful. She wanted to be there when something silly happened to make Dawnie spit her milk out of her nose. Or when Willow started to babble because she could never decide what to make for dinner. Despite how much of a reminder it was that she was alone, she loved watching Willow and Tara tuck Dawn in for the night as a couple. She found it cute when she walked in on them kissing when they thought they were alone. Or stealing glances at each other, looking to one another for reassurance. And Dawn’s horrible teenybopper excuse for music was even growing on her. She wasn’t a big Mandy Moore fan, but she was a fan of watching Dawn sing to herself in the mirror using her hairbrush as a microphone. She had a family, and that, if nothing else in her life, felt good. She hurried home a little bit faster.
* * *
Tara’s eyes were barely open as she made her way down the stairs, a blanket draped over her shoulders. She knocked into the end table, because she was so tired. “I have to stop letting Willow keep me up,” she murmured. Basically using her hands to find the doorframe of the kitchen, she moseyed in and began making the coffee, which she knew would keep her awake long enough to get Dawn to school. She didn’t notice Faith sitting on a stool at the counter.
“Need help?”
Tara jumped five feet in the air at the unexpected voice. “Faith, you scared me!”
“Sorry, I haven’t gone to bed yet.” She chuckled. “Have you?”
Tara flashed that half smile, and even Faith felt herself respond. “I’m exhausted.”
“She really should let you at least nap.” Faith shook her head. “It’s always the quiet ones.”
“That’s what everyone keeps telling us.” Tara smiled. “How was patrolling?”
“Uneventful.” Faith grabbed the coffee from the fridge and a filter from the cabinet, handing them both to the blond.
“Oh? So why are you home so late?”
Faith shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep.”
Tara nodded, understanding. “Are you okay?”
Faith bit down her initial reaction to tell the blond to fuck off. It was an old instinct she was still getting used to dismissing. Instead, she took a deep breath. “Not really, but I feel better.” She took another breath, and Tara turned to look at her. Her blue eyes sought for Faith’s, and caught them – Tara’s eyes were filled with concern, genuine concern. It took Faith so off guard, she just spit out the rest. “I feel better knowing I have you guys around – you know, you, Willow, Dawn. Makes it easier.”
Tara smiled, and rubbed Faith’s back with her hand. She turned, and continued to make the coffee, letting Faith’s words hang in the air between them. It left such a positive flow in the room.
* * *
She watched Tara’s relative ease with the dark slayer aghast. She had never thought this is where the world would go. How could she? She had trusted Tara, and here she was, comforting a killer in her kitchen with her sister tucked asleep upstairs. She nearly stormed the house then and there. Instead, something inside of her told her to hold back. After all, Faith had helped Tara make coffee. Buffy wondered how long Faith had been in the house, how much she knew. She seemed rather comfortable in a house where she had once tried to kill her Mother. Thankfully, Dawn was at a friend’s house that night, otherwise she would have killed the other slayer then. She often thought she should have. She winced. A gnawing pain set in, just in her abdomen. It happened every time she thought of the dark slayer, like a reminder of the knife she had once shoved into her companion’s stomach. It hurt every bit as much as a knife would have, but more emotionally, more spiritually than anything physical. Her Slayer senses picked up on the sound of footsteps on the staircase before Tara did. Taking a glance at Faith, she knew that the girl had heard them too. She focused back onto the kitchen scene, watching as Willow sleepily entered the room. If fireworks were to happen, it would be now.
* * *
Faith found herself with a weird feeling in the pit of her stomach, she could swear they were being watched. But before she could make any move to check, Willow wandered in, yawning. The redhead’s eyes drifted up and met Faith’s. Willow smiled. “Morning Faith.”
“Morning.” Faith found herself smiling back. “How are you?”
“Wonderful.” Willow’s smile was bright, the brilliance of it catching even Faith off guard. To say Willow was in a good mood would have been a gross understatement.
“Good.” Faith opened the paper in front of her, reading over the front page, shaking her head at all of the evil in the world. A comfortable hush fell over the room, broken only by Faith exclaiming at something she had read. Willow curled up on Tara’s shoulder, content to sit there as Tara waited for the coffee.
Tara turned and caught Willow in her arms, venturing in to steal a kiss from her lover. “Morning.”
“Good morning, love.” Willow smiled.
Faith hopped up from her stool. “You two have your moment, I’ll wake Short Stuff.” She bound up the stairs towards Dawn’s room.
* * *
Willow had forgiven Faith? How did that happen? Buffy was still staring into the kitchen, amazed. Willow and Faith actually civil to one another. She imagined Tara must have something to do with the forgive and forget, but still, Willow had hated Faith with a fiery vengeance. How had she dealt with that? Buffy suddenly felt very alone. Things were not as they once were. She wasn’t sure how to deal with that. She didn’t even know if she could face them. She didn’t know if she could deal with living here. She wasn’t even really sure if she was psyched about being alive. She had been so… blissfully peaceful where she was. To be ripped from that back to life – well, it was cruel. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do, but the first step was getting herself out of her funeral gown. She felt like a zombie from those cheesy horror movies that Xander used to make them watch. The Magic Shop should have a leftover outfit or two from her training days. She could probably break in with little to no trouble, it was way too early for Anya to open anyway. She managed to sit, pondering her next move before traipsing through Sunnydale. She was desperately afraid someone who thought she was very much no longer walking on the ground. She didn’t know if she could handle that situation.
* * *
With Dawn already off to school, and Tara and Willow disappeared back in their room, Faith felt confident she was pretty alone. She stole to the back door, stepping outside in the morning air to clear her thoughts. She found herself humming an old tune she could swear her mother used to play. She remembered what it was now, and she half laughed to herself. The laugh was empty, shallow – it hurt.
* * *
Buffy had hidden even further down in the bushes as Dawn ran down the front wak towards the school bus. She watched her sister for a moment, totally amazed at hot much she'd grown in... however long she'd been gone. She was surprised when she heard the back door open. When Faith appeared from behind it, she went absolutely still, but quickly realized the Slayer was off in another world. Buffy sat, totally transfixed with the dark slayer. Could she really be humming The Beatles?
* * *
She sighed, running a hand through her hair. “B.” She sighed again. And then Faith started to lend her voice to the song, singing softly under her breath.
~There are places I remember, all my life, though some have changed.
Some forever not for better, some have gone, and some remain.
All these places have their moments, but loves and friends I still can recall.
Some are dead and some are living, In my life, I loved them all.
But of all these friends and lovers, there is no one compares with you.
And these memories lose their meaning, when I think of love as something new.
Though I know I’ll never lose affection for people and things that went before,
I know I’ll often stop and think about them, In my life, I love you more.
Though I know I’ll never lose affection for people and things that went before,
I know I’ll often stop and think about them, In my life, I love you more.
In my life – I love you more.~
* * *
Buffy sat, paralyzed. Faith. Singing the Beatles. She was intoxicated with the sound of Faith’s voice. It sounded so haunted, so beautiful. She never knew Faith could sing. She moved in a daze to stand, caught completely off guard. And had she said B?
* * *
Faith caught something moving out of the corner of her eye. She flipped around to look, and suddenly she was face to face with her best dream and worst nightmare. And, quite frankly, she couldn’t have been more frightened.
“B?”
[This message has been edited by Chance (edited January 21, 2002).]
by Kel » Mon Jan 21, 2002 4:56 am
hope the next part doesn't take as long
by mollyig » Mon Jan 21, 2002 6:40 am
Great update.
------------------
The new Indigo Girls album, "Become You," is in stores Feb. 26, 2002. For
more info, check out Indigo Girls web site at: http://www.indigogirls.com
by Puff » Mon Jan 21, 2002 10:01 am
Great update Chance.
by bearskeeper » Mon Jan 21, 2002 10:37 am
by Pixie » Mon Jan 21, 2002 11:09 am
by DaRebel » Mon Jan 28, 2002 10:20 pm
by Brynn » Tue Jan 29, 2002 9:05 am
by ShaggyKat » Tue Jan 29, 2002 11:59 am
by Web Warlock » Thu Jan 31, 2002 9:39 pm
Good fic! I have always been a Faith-redemptionist myself. Looking forward to more.
Warlock.
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Web Warlock
web.warlock@attbi.com webwarlock@planetadnd.com
Author, the Netbooks of Witches and Warlocks
The Other Side: http://www.xtreme-gaming.com/theotherside/
--
Tom Servo: Oh my God. They killed Black Leaf!
Crow: You bastards!
- MST3k: Dark Dungeons
by Ressick » Fri Feb 01, 2002 9:57 am
Res, forever and a day a Chance fan...
by Chance » Sat Feb 02, 2002 4:26 am
Rating: Probably an R, it’ll probably get racy… and it’s Faith, language and such.
Disclaimer: I feel like I’m a little kid playing with her big brother’s very expensive, very complex toys and if I got caught I’d be in trouble. But, I’ll put ‘em back where I found em! And I’ll so be careful! (And I don’t own ‘em, and I’m not making money from this.)
Note: The song is: John Mayer’s “Your Body Is Wonderland” (I don’t think I can express how in love with this guy I am. His music is the best. I mean that sincerely.)
As Soon As You Were Gone
Chance
Chapter Twelve: …The Kind of Love… To Last All Seasons
Tara woke up in a cocoon of blankets and Willow. Inhaling deeply as she stretched, she allowed the scent of her lover to fill her lungs and nostrils. Her fiancee, was it? She grinned. She was curled into Willow’s body, her head nuzzled just below the most perfect breasts in the world, her arm curled over Willow’s waist, her legs bent at the knee, one underneath and one between. The blanket was pulled over her head, up to Willow’s neck. She stayed like that for another ten minutes before even thinking to move. It was just so comfortable to be wrapped up in Willow, so hard to want to move from perfection. Every part of her was content, happy, warm. Why bother to go someplace else when she was so satisfied right where she was? And even more comforting was that there would be so many more nights of lying wrapped in Willow’s embrace. Not that she wasn’t sure of that before, but now it was a promise they had made to one another. She loved the thought of being Willow’s wife.
She nuzzled in a bit more, trying rather pointlessly not to wake Willow. She felt a light touch on her head, followed by a gentle stroke of her hair. She heard Willow’s groggy voice. “Mmm… more sleep.”
“I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“I know.” The voice was odd, coming from someplace she couldn’t see. “What are you doing down there?”
Tara laughed. “Nothing really.” Her finger was lazily tracing her girlfriend’s belly button, over and over again. Her touch was slow, gentle, a whisper of a caress.
“Nothing feels good.”
“Oh?” Tara giggled. “I’m not really surprised.”
“Come up here.” Willow’s voice wasn’t a demand, but it left no room for discussion. And Tara wasn’t one to put up much of a fight, anyway. Disentangling herself enough to pull up, she moved the covers down and pulled herself towards the direction of the voice. Upon arriving to the top of the covers, she discovered it was a whole new world.
Willow lips quickly landed over hers, smothering them with a degree of skill that only comes from much practice. When they eventually parted, Willow’s big green eyes met Tara’s, and already Tara felt a request coming. “Hey Tar?” Tara’s eyes answered, willing her lover to continue. “I wanted to know if you could do something for me…”
“What, baby?”
“I wanted to know if you could sing to me.”
Tara blushed instantly. She hated her voice, even if Willow had heard her, she hadn’t known. And she was sure it was Willow’s love alone that made her voice bearable. “Are you sure?”
Willow’s eyes opened as widely as they could, and she nodded rapidly. “I’m in love with the sound of your voice. Almost as much as I’m in love with you… Please?”
Tara knew she could never deny Willow anything she could give her. And if it was just Willow, it wasn’t that bad. Willow made her feel invincible. Tara felt like she could do anything.
~ We got the afternoon, you got this room for two, one thing I’ve left to do, discover me, discovering you. One mile to every inch of your skin like porcelain, one pair of candy lips, and your bubble gum tongue. ‘Cuz if you want love, we’ll make it, swim in a deep sea of blankets, take all your big plans, and break ‘em, this is bound to be awhile… your body is wonderland. Your body is wonder, I’ll use my hands. ~ As she sang the words, Tara’s lips curled lazily up into a sexy half smile. ~ Your body is wonderland. ~
Tara couldn’t sing anymore. Not when her mouth was covered with another.
* * *
Buffy hadn’t wanted to be seen, least of all by Faith. She imagined, for the briefest of moments, as they stood staring at each other that she could probably convince Faith she was an apparition. Then better sense kicked in. Faith could smell she was alive, just as she could Faith. She should probably just tell the truth. But what was the truth? She didn’t even know. She had died, that was for damn sure. She remembered dying, it wasn’t unpleasant. She knew it was coming, and every moment of her life replayed before her. She wasn’t unhappy. She also vaguely remembered being dead itself. She couldn’t honestly place where she was, but she imagined it to be some sort of waiting area. It was an easy place to be in, nothing really happened, nor had she really cared if anything did. Now, staring at Faith and feeling the flood of emotions rush at her, she didn’t know what was worst. Dying in the first place, or being born to live this way again. She did the only thing she could. She opened her mouth. “Hi Faith.”
Faith, for her part, was stunned. She was caught, hand in the cookie jar, deer in headlights style, unable to move, and if she had been paying attention, which of course she wasn’t, she wasn’t breathing either. ‘Buffy’s standing in front of me.’ No movement, no breath, still paralyzed: this whole mess was becoming a problem. ‘Buffy just said hello. Buffy’s dead. Buffy can’t be standing in front of me or saying hello. What the fuck is going on?’ And suddenly, Faith was all action. Before Buffy could move, Faith was standing next to her with a hand circling her forearm in a painful grip. “Who the fuck are you?”
“Buffy.” She watched the other slayer, cocking her head to the side. Yes, her grip was painful, but there was something in Faith’s eyes that stopped her from hitting her straight on. Was that pain in Faith’s eyes?
Faith threw Buffy down. “Fuck you. If you don’t start talking or changing this fucking illusion real quick, I swear to God I’ll kill you. We’ve been through enough, we don’t need another demon screwing everything up. Not now, damnit!”
Buffy stared at Faith in wonder. It was pain in Faith’s eyes, a grief that Buffy never would have believed unless she saw it. Faith had been mourning for her, and here she was, protecting her family. There was so much not to trust. So much shit that had gone on between them, Buffy imagined that this could be the end for one of them right there. But Buffy suddenly felt sorry for the girl. She was obviously hurting. She had been taking care of her family. Best to save judgments for later, and convince Faith she was still alive. “Faith.” Buffy tried to get the girl’s attention, but she was ranting about respect for the dead. “Faith.” She tried a little louder. “FAITH.” Buffy’s voice was loud enough that it boomed through Faith’s head and got her to look. Okay, Buffy, time to prove you’re you. “Slaying makes you hungry and horny.” Faith stared at her like she had eight heads.
She tried again, this time using something she knew might strike a nerve, but anything was worth a shot. “You told me I was just like you, I was just holding it in.” Faith stared at her like she had eight heads.
Buffy searched her memory, looking for anything that would pop in to prove to Faith that she was Buffy. And she came across something she didn’t even realize she remembered. And it hit her hard. Damn hard. Faith’s fist couldn’t have even begun to have hurt her as badly as this did. “You promised to take care of my family. To love them because you love me.”
Faith’s gaze dropped, and Buffy’s mind started to churn a mile a minute. She vaguely remembered having heard the Slayer say it, but she couldn’t remember when she had said it. It was as if it was something she just pushed into the back of her mind, something she had heard but not listened to. Had Faith really said that? Faith loved her? If she thought about it, she imagined it could have been so. All those things that Faith had said and done. Of course! She felt stupid and strangely elated at the same time, and she didn’t know why.
Faith was struggling to breath. ‘B’s alive and in front of me. Only she could know those things.’ And then Faith started to lose it, slowly of course, but she was on her way. She dropped into old habit, wanting to defend herself, she couldn’t let Buffy hurt her. She couldn’t let Buffy see how much her death had effected her, even though she knew Buffy already had. She could watch the emotions play out on the blonde’s face as she tried to make some sense as to what was going on.
* * *
~ There’s something bout the way the hair falls on your face. ~ Tara was singing softly in Willow’s ear now, lying beside her in the bed they shared. They had made love six times since the night before, and each time they had enjoyed the something wonderful that both agreed only happened when they were together. Tara brushed a bit of Willow’s hair off of her face, smiling a bit to herself as she did. She sang the rest of the song, emphasizing these lyrics as they were her favorites in the song.
~ I love the shape you take while crawling towards the pillowcase, You tell me where to go, And though I might leave to find it, I’ll never let your head hit the bed without my hand behind it. ~
“Mmm… it’s a beautiful song.” Willow sighed these words, enjoying the feeling of Tara so close, her warm breath landing in Willow’s ear, her body leaning against her own.
“I know. It reminds me of us.” Tara smiled. “Marriage, huh?”
Willow’s eyes immediately searched for Tara’s. “I’m so sure. Are you?”
“Yeah, babe. I’m yours, you know that. You’ve always known that. And I’m more than happy to be your wife. But I really think we should wait.”
“So do I.” Willow sat up, pulling away from Tara. Tara frowned, reaching out for her love. Willow took her hand. “I think we should wait until I can prove to you that I’m totally back. And I know I am. But I’m gonna start doing everything I need to. I’m back. I need to prove to us both that I’m ready for this step that I can really be there for you, all the time.”
“I know you can, baby, you don’t need to prove anything to me. You’re here with me everyday, and I want that to go on forever too.”
“I know. I know I don’t have to. But I’d really like to. I’d like to show you I can be here for you, and Dawn, and even Faith. I’m gonna start to shoulder some of the same responsibilities you do. It’s not just you keeping us together anymore, Tara. We’re going to start acting like a family.”
Tara smiled. This is one of the many reasons she was in love with Willow. “Okay. If you need to, then I’m behind you, two hundred percent. And I love you.”
“I know.” Willow smiled. “Now, I believe there’s something you should be singing in my ear.”
~ Damn baby. You frustrate me. I know you’re mine, all mine, all mine. But you look so good it hurts sometimes. Your body is wonderland. Your body is wonder, I’ll use my hands, your body is wonderland. I’m never speaking up again, I have no reason, I’ve got the kind of love in my hands to last all season and seasons. ~
by Pixie » Sat Feb 02, 2002 8:51 am
by Puff » Sat Feb 02, 2002 9:55 am
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“I…I love you. I just…I just don’t want to be afraid anymore. I want to feel like I am living again.” Legends of the kiss by Mariacomet
by Ressick » Sat Feb 02, 2002 11:10 am
Family is so important.
Res, forever and a day a Chance fan...
by katydid » Sat Feb 02, 2002 4:54 pm
------------------
"She practically has 'genuine molded plastic' stamped on her ass.
by Ressick » Mon Feb 04, 2002 12:58 pm
Res, forever and a day a Chance fan...
by Chance » Sun Mar 03, 2002 10:28 pm
Rating: Probably an R, it'll probably get racy… and it's Faith, language and such.
Disclaimer: I feel like I'm a little kid playing with her big brother's very expensive, very complex toys and if I got caught I'd be in trouble. But, I'll put 'em back where I found em! And I'll so be careful! (And I don't own 'em, and I'm not making money from this.)
Note: The song is Splender's "Yeah, Whatever". Please excuse the cursing in this particular chapter, it seemed appropriate to me. I'm sorry if anyone disagrees. If you don't like it, I guess don't read it.
As Soon As You Were Gone
Chance
Chapter 13: Let's Pretend To Be Enemies
~ And you're primitive and you're cynical to me, and I chewed down on the bit and almost swallowed it ~
Faith took a few steps as the entirety of the situation crashed down on her. B was alive, and standing in front of her. B had heard her that night, and knew her feelings. B knew how she felt? Faith felt every part of her go numb and set on fire all at once. She had never intended for B to know, not really anyway. She could have died happy knowing B was safe and happy with someone. She knew she had fucked up left and right, and honestly, she knew she wasn't right for B, she didn't deserve her. This had to be B. It just had to be; no one else could know any of that. So she was back from the dead? B was back from the dead. "I don't believe it." She muttered, to herself, forgetting for the briefest of moments that Buffy could hear her.
"I don't know what to believe either." Buffy answered, watching Faith cautiously. There was something about the Slayer, the way she was frozen to the ground beneath her. The way her thoughts flickered and flashed through her eyes, unrelentingly. Buffy was afraid to disturb her, but slowly she moved forward. She reached hand up, as she moved, determined to prove to Faith that this was in fact reality.
~ You sit all alone with your color TV, your hair starts to glisten in spite of the fleas, We don't have to stay friends… let's pretend to be enemies ~
Faith watched as Buffy moved towards her, and her eyes surveyed the blond's form. Her dress was tattered, dirty, even bloody. Her hands were raw and bloodied from what Faith could only assume had been digging herself out of her coffin. She winced at the thought, only vaguely knowing what that could possibly feel like. Her hair was ratty, dirty, not at all like Buffy typically kept it. She looked as though she had been buried. She felt nauseous. Had B really clawed her way from her own grave? She observed, dumbfounded, as the girl moved towards her, hand outstretched. It dawned on her as that hand reached her cheek that Buffy was touching her. Instinctively (and somewhere, hesitantly), she batted the hand away and took a few steps back.
Buffy stared at Faith, her eyes suddenly hardening. What had she been thinking? This was Faith. Faith - the person that had poisoned Angel, the girl who had fought her so many times. Faith the girl who had rejected her friendship and tried to bring her downfall. She hated Faith. So then why had her hand instinctively reached to touch her? She shook her head, as if to clear the thought from her head. "What are you doing here?" Buffy's voice had suddenly changed back to the typical accusatory tone.
~ Yeah, whatever makes you happy, yeah, whatever makes it beautiful yeah, whatever leaves you satisfied, 'cuz I'm out of time, for now ~
Faith sighed. Of course, same old B. "Nothing, anymore." And she took a few retreating steps towards leaving.
Something about Faith's tone and the way her face had dropped made Buffy reconsider. "Well, what were you doing here?" Her voice more patient, less biting.
Faith stopped. It seemed a long moment before she turned around, and in her eyes her decision was smoldering. "What I said I would do." She held Buffy's gaze for a long minute.
Buffy's head went swimming; the weight of Faith's eyes on her wasn't lost. It actually seemed to help as she heard the choked voice of the other Slayer in her head. "…Willow couldn't even get out of bed for three days. I had to come and drag her out. But I did it, B. I did it because I owe it to you to take care of them. To make sure they're okay, y'know? Dawn's missing you too, B. I don't think she understands why you left her alone here. Why you couldn't just let her go. But I get it; B. It would have been too hard for you. You couldn't have done what you do without her. Things are hard here, B. I miss you too… I want you back so bad. I never got to tell you how much I loved you, B… I knew that you could never love me like I love you, and it drove me nuts. But I get it now, and I'm gonna make it up to you, even if you never know. I'm gonna take care of them all because I have to. I have to for you. I have to because I have to be able to love you in my own way. And this is how I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna love you by loving them. It's the only way I can keep you with me. I'm not gonna hurt 'em, B. I'm gonna take care of 'em like you would of…" And she had remembered. She remembered Faith swearing to take care of her family for her. She remembered Faith telling her of the love that ruined them both. Now she just didn't know what to do but stare at the other Slayer in wonder.
~ And you're paranoid as you look me up and down and I'm soaked in gasoline, mud and ice cream, you sit by the phone with your tongue hanging out, you cradle the flies in the back of your mouth, we don't have to say friends, let's pretend to be enemies ~
And then she was angry - very angry. Was this just another ploy from Faith? Another way to attack her from behind, with her guard down? How could she? Didn't she have a human cell in her body? Telling her that she somehow loved her. And if she actually believed her - fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me a third time? HA! Not likely. Not this time. Not swearing love, and even weaseling her way into her family this time. When they were upset! Not for a second would she believe, entertain the concept that Faith held anything for any of them besides pure hatred. But then why… why say all of that to her? Why come to her grave? Why cry? Damnit, Buffy. Think. It's bullshit. "Get the hell out of here. Get the hell away from my friends. Don't come back."
~ Damned if you do, fucked if you don't, damned if you do, what if you won't, Damned if you do, fucked if you don't, what if you won't ~
"I have to take some stuff from inside." Faith answered without thinking. Her head had dropped down, and she wasn't looking Buffy in the eyes. (How could she look so pathetic? She must know I figured it out.) She took a moment, and she looked up quickly, her mouth opening quickly, as if to take it back.
"You're living here?" Buffy spat out. (But then why isn't she hitting me?)
"Well… yeah. But I'm leaving. You can watch me go for the stuff… " Faith looked up as if to start to say something, then shut her mouth.
Curiosity overwhelmed her. "What were you going to say?"
Faith took another moment, her entire body sagging. She knew she had to tell Buffy truthfully what she was going to say, but she knew it wasn't going to go over well, but than again, the whole meeting wasn't going over very well. She knew Buffy wasn't giving her a chance, was suspicious, she didn't blame the girl for that. But she was worried. Buffy might get quite a shock from just how involved with her family she was. Then again - how long had she been standing out here? She must have seen them all in the dining room. "Your family is going to be so happy to see you, but they're probably going to have the same reaction I did."
How do you know how my family is going to react? "We'll see, I guess. We're going inside. Get your stuff and get out."
~ You must be aware what you're doing to me. We sunk like a stone or a rock in the sea; we don't have to stay friends (not for very long). We don't have to stay friends, (just because you're gone). You get what you want 'cuz you won't let it die. ~
Faith nodded, but made no move to step inside. She simply stared at Buffy, taking a long look at her. Her eyes swept over her form, taking in the fact that yes, Buffy was alive. B was back. Red was going to cry. So was Dawn. Blondie was gonna grin like an idiot. They were all going to start babbling at a hundred miles an hour (it really was catching). Asking every question they could think of, but simply overwhelmed that she was alive. She honestly didn't even mind that Buffy was telling her to go. She understood, besides, she could take care of her own family. Faith smiled. Who cares if Buffy couldn't let go? Things were as they should be.
Buffy caught the smile, but just grunted, and motioned for Faith to head into the house, Buffy followed closely. Her mind was racing - why was Faith smiling?
~ Yeah, whatever makes you happy, yeah, whatever leaves you insecure,
Yeah, whatever seems to break you down, 'cuz I'm out of time, but I'm feeling fine. ~
[This message has been edited by Chance (edited March 04, 2002).]
by Pixie » Sun Mar 03, 2002 10:44 pm
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