by Sassette » Thu Jan 17, 2002 6:03 pm
Anyway, things have been busy ... they're calming down ... so, I should be getting back into the swing of this fic.
***Edited to add: The update is done, but sadly, won't be posted tonight. I'm waiting to get ahold of both people I want to have read it before I post it ... normally, I'd just put it up, but I really need some feedback on this bit before it goes anywhere***
-Sass
[This message has been edited by Sassette (edited January 18, 2002).]
by Sassette » Fri Jan 18, 2002 12:54 pm
This was the part that was giving me a major headache, so between writing difficulties and preparing for an audition (I got the gig, btw), this update took WAY too long. Subsequent updates should be faster. Maybe another one this weekend, but definitely early next week at the latest.
Title: Answering Darkness Part 20 - Temptation
Author: Sassette
Feedback: Can be sent to pink_overalls@yahoo.com
Summary: Willow and Tara do some research at the Magic Box
Spoiler Warning: Up to and including "Tabula Rasa" in Season 6.
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. I'm just borrowing them because Season 6 angst is running high, and I want my happy ending now, dammit! So I'm writing it … but it'll be awhile until I get to that part, so bear with me (or "bare" with me if you're naughty).
Rating: PG-13
Notes: For the purpose of this story, all events of Tabula Rasa took place exactly as shown in the series; however, no subsequent episodes will affect this piece. We're splitting from canon here, because this seems the fastest way to get a reconciliation and because I feel this is one of the possible outcomes when taking the "addiction" metaphor into account. So, I should shut the heck up now, and just get to the story, right? Right.
Answering Darkness Part 20
Temptation
By Sassette
"Damn Watcher's Council needs to get out of the 16th century," Willow grumbled, rubbing her tired eyes. "Couldn't they have all this stuff in a database?"
"Do they even know what a database is?" Tara asked. "Do >I< know what a database is?" she went on, a smile on her face. The Scoobies had moved all the books back to The Magic Box after they had polished off the donuts, Anya declaring that she needed to open the shop because there was money to be had, and she wanted it.
Willow gave Tara a wry look, and they both went back to their reading. Buffy was out, looking for anything at the two confirmed construct sightings, Dawn and Spike were at the Summers house, and Xander had some things to take care of at the construction site, leaving Willow and Tara to try to answer some of the questions on Willow's list.
"What color was the witch again?" Tara asked, pushing around the pile of pens on the table. Willow started to look up, her eyes tracking Tara's fingers as they picked up and discarded several different pens. She had such beautiful hands.
"Umm… what?" Willow asked, her eyes snapping up to meet Tara's.
"The witch?" Tara prompted, her brow creasing. "What color?" Tara had been dubious about using Willow's colorful note-taking system, but once it had been explained, she realized how easy it was: just read the books, and write down anything that might be a reference to the Hell God, the construct, the witch, the spell, or the plan in a different color. It was the special notations for which book the information had been found in that had given Tara a headache, but even that had eventually been explained well enough she felt comfortable using it. Later, Willow would type up all the notes, listing possible connections for each one in still more colors, and they'd go over it all until something fell together.
"Oh, blue," Willow said, her eyes lingering on Tara's face before returning to her book. In just that glance, she had taken a picture in her mind, and that picture swam before her inner eye. The curve of her cheek, the softness of her lips, and those bedroom eyes …
With a start and a stern internal lecture, Willow forced herself back to reading, a little frown of concentration crossing her face, only looking up to make the occasional note.
Tara watched Willow, her features softening as she stared at Willow's Study Face. She always looked so cute and so determined when she was studying, like a puppy trying to wrestle away a squeak toy. Though she was sitting still, only her eyes tracking across the page and her hand jotting down notes, she threw herself into the task with an energy and a focus that was almost palpable. It was impossibly endearing, and a small smile crossed Tara's face as she remembered long nights of just sitting and watching Willow read.
Willow couldn't help but feel those eyes upon her, pulling her from the world of research. She glanced up, catching Tara as she looked down quickly, a light blush rising on her cheeks. Still, Tara hadn't looked down quickly enough for Willow to miss the affectionate yearning look in her eyes, and it warmed her, a smile spreading across her face as she went back to reading. Tara had always done that - just watched her with those warm blue eyes as she was studying, making her feel like she was special and very well loved.
Tara bit her lip, hoping she hadn't been caught looking, but very sure she had. She raised her eyes slightly, keeping her head down, seeing that Willow had returned to reading. A part of her felt that this was ridiculous. Here they were, researching a Hell God, their relationship a big question mark, making eyes at each other in a public place. Still, another part of her felt that this was just natural and right, like no matter where she was or what she was doing, if she looked up, Willow was supposed to be there.
She was tempting fate, she knew, just putting herself in this situation. It was almost … normal, like nothing had happened to 'Them', and it was oh-so-tempting to just pretend that everything was fine, and that the feelings welling up inside her at the sweet sight of Willow engrossed in her Scoobyage weren't at odds with the hurt and betrayal. Really, she just wanted to believe that none of it had happened, that everything was fine. And if she were being honest with herself, she wanted to crawl across the table on hands and knees, slide into Willow's lap, and just kiss her senseless.
But she couldn't do that. There were plenty of reasons - many many reasons - not to do that. Tara let a rueful smile cross her face. Despite that, she wanted to, and the sooner she just accepted it, the sooner she could deal with it.
Did she want to deal with it? No, not really. Tara let out a heavy sigh, looking down at her book even as she pulled Willow's attention from the research. She wanted it to go away. She wanted everything to really be as nice and normal as it seemed. But she couldn't just go back, no matter how much she wanted to, and she couldn't just grab the girl and live happily ever after. Life was too complicated for that. Willow was too complicated for that.
Willow's heart clenched at the wistful but sad look on Tara's face. Frowning, she looked back at the book before her, wishing things were different. If only she hadn't gotten so out of hand. Willow shook her head, clearing the thoughts. That way lay madness and tummy rumblings. She couldn't change what happened. Well, she could probably mess around with time, but that really wasn't an option. Going back and doing it over would just mean that she still hadn't learned her lesson. Which she had, she mentally added quickly.
Still, she wished time would hurry up, and that she and Tara could work past this, or break up completely. Not that she wanted to break up, no no no … but things were sort of … up in the air, and it was uncomfortable. She probably deserved that, though, but Tara didn't. Tara deserved to be held and kissed and to have all her troubles just go away.
"Right now, I'm her troubles," Willow whispered aloud, too low for anyone to hear the words, staring blankly at the page before her. The letters took form automatically before her eyes, making words and sentences, pouring into her brain as she continued to think about the girl sitting across the table from her. Any other day - in any other circumstances - they'd be making out in the training room by now. Willow blushed at the thought, her mind turning over all the thoroughly inappropriate times and places they had snuck off together.
Then the words on the pages registered in her brain, and she re-read the passage, absorbing the information and frowning as it continued to not make sense. How could … ?
"Anya?" Willow asked, looking up briefly to see that she had pulled the ex-demon's attention away from the money before looking back down at the book in her lap, her brow furrowed.
"Yes, Willow?" Anya asked, moving to the table and standing next to her. Tara stopped pretending to read, letting her eyes rove over Willow's face and arms.
"How did Giles break your thingy, again?" she asked absently, staring intently at the page as if she could will the words to make sense.
"Giles didn't," Anya said, surprise evident in her voice. "Even Xander didn't. That happened a long, LONG time ago."
"Huh?" Willow asked, looking up as soon as Anya's words registered, a blank look on her face.
"I think Willow's asking about your Vengeance Demon Talisman Thingy, not your, uhh… Hymen Thingy," Tara said slowly, a blush crawling up her neck.
"Oh! I thought we were indulging in girl talk, which I would normally frown upon during business hours, but there is an unfortunate lack of customers," Anya said, nodding. "Giles smashed it."
"He just … hit it with something? No spells or incantations or … I mean, he didn't use, like, some kind of special weapon or something?" Willow asked.
"No," Anya said, sighing as she recalled the sight of Giles smashing her demonhood into little pieces.
"You're sure?" Willow asked again, sounding skeptical.
"I'm positive," Anya said, her tone impatient. "That isn't the sort of thing a girl forgets."
A cheery bell sounded, and Anya perked up, looking towards the door. "Ooh! A customer. I have to go sell goods now," she said, nearly skipping with excitement over the prospect of a sale.
"What's up?" Tara asked after a moment as Willow gazed unseeing across the shop, the wheels in her mind almost visibly turning.
"It's just that this here says that a Vengeance Demon's talisman is protected, magically, I mean," Willow said, mentally pulling herself back into the magic shop and focusing on Tara. "You can't just smash it with something … well, I mean, you can, but it'll just bounce off, and probably break whatever you were doing the smashing with, or it would send out a nasty shockwave of magical energy that would knock you flat, and so Giles couldn't have broken it at all. Except that he did, because Anya is here and human, and Buffy came to Sunnydale, and Xander and I aren't vampires."
Tara blinked. "So how did he do it?"
"I don't know," Willow said. "It's a mystery," she finally decided, her eyes lighting up. "We could ask, but he's in England and he hasn't called us back yet anyway, and none of us remember what happened in that other Sunnydale, so he wouldn't remember," she concluded, a glum look crossing her face.
"Maybe some things are just meant to remain a mystery," Tara said, a half-smile crossing her face. She couldn't help it - Willow was just too cute when she got her mental teeth into something. Really, she was just amazing to watch. The way that mind worked was a continued source of fascination for Tara.
"Still," Willow began, only to trail off, her nose twitching. A tingle spread across her body, just under her skin, but not a pleasant kind of Tara-Kissage tingling, but more of a painful feeling, like her leg had gone to sleep and was just waking up. Only it wasn't just her leg, it was all of her.
"Still - ?" Tara prompted, her brows furrowing at the strange look on Willow's face. Willow looked up, taking deep breaths and sniffing the air, her lungs filling with a familiar scent.
Her eyes tracked through the store, finding Anya and her customer discussing the merits of different kinds of incense for different kinds of spells. And some incense was burning, the sweet heavy scent filling the shop and Willow's senses, causing her breath to shorten and her heart to race.
"Willow?" Tara asked, her voice heavy with worry as she noticed these changes.
"I -" Willow said, her throat closing on the words, causing her voice to break. "I need … " she tried again, different spells that used this particular kind of incense tickling the back of her mind, asking her to cast them.
Her blood pounded in her ears as the incantations for each spell screamed in her mind, fighting for dominance. She trembled, then stood abruptly, the loud clatter of her chair falling only registering in her hearing as a dull echo.
Tara stood as well as Willow swayed, moving quickly around the table, but not quickly enough.
"I have to go," Willow blurted, half-running half-stumbling away from the incense, away from the scent of magick, away from all of it. Her blood felt as though it were burning in her veins, boiling over with a dark power that was calling her.
Tara followed, calling Willow's name as Willow tripped entering the training room. She caught herself, stumbling forward towards the door that would lead to the alleyway. Falling to her knees, she whimpered, wrapping her arms about herself and shutting her eyes tight, her jaw clenching against the need to speak the words tearing through her brain.
Tara stopped her rush into the room, fear and revulsion rising up in her as she watched Willow. Slowly, she began to chant, raising her hands in a protective gesture.
"What are you - ?" Willow asked, her voice trailing off as she noticed the angry red sparks dancing along her hands. "I … I," she began, her heart pounding in her chest and her eyes widening in shock and fear. She breathed deeply, stepping back from Tara and shaking her head. "No … God, no - I didn't mean … I don't want …" she said helplessly, shutting her eyes tight and clenching her hands into fists.
Tara was torn, part of her wanting nothing more than to escape and run away from this darkness, but the other part wanting to rush to Willow's side and hold her close and chase it away.
"W-willow?" Tara asked, her voice shaky. She finished her spell of protection, then moved to Willow's side, kneeling before her. Reaching out, her fingertips tingled at their closeness to Willow's skin, her body, her heart, and her very soul demanding that she close the distance and touch this woman. "Willow," she said more firmly, coming to a decision and allowing her finger's to trace the soft line of Willow's cheek.
Willow heard Tara's call, and the fear and worry in her voice, but still the magic clawed at her from inside, threatening to rip her to pieces if she didn't let it out. Then, she felt Tara's touch, and she leaned into it. Where she felt the soft pressure of those fingers, the painful fire consuming her skin eased and was replaced with a burning of a different kind. "Tara?" she breathed, the name of the woman she loved powerful enough to break through the spells and past her lips.
Willow trembled, a few tears leaking out the corners of her tightly closed eyes. The sparks subsided, then stopped, and Willow's tense posture slumped until she was barely standing. Gingerly, she opened her eyes, and Tara noted their green color, and a bottomless well of sorrow and heartbreak.
"I'm sorry," Willow managed to say, her voice strained and raw. "I'm so, so sorry," she said.
"I'm here, Will," Tara said, her fingers slipping past her ear and burying themselves in red hair. With just a slight tug, Tara brought their lips together, brushing gently as she wrapped her arms around a shaking Willow.
That brief touch stole their breath and their inhibitions, their lips meeting again and again as everything else faded away; all the hurt and betrayal, the darkness and the pain became as nothing, their hands traveling over familiar territory eagerly and their lips meeting again and again.
Desire - need - pulled at them as the light of their love drove away the darkness. A moan, then another, neither sure which had made the sound. Nothing mattered but the feel of the other as their bodies pressed together, each needing to be closer.
Willow's pain fled, unable to exist in the same body experiencing the pleasure of Tara's kisses and touches. Her mind drifted hazily along on a sea of sensation as Tara's hand slipped under her shirt, stroking the smooth skin there. It was bliss. It was heaven. It was … wrong.
Tara pulled back when she felt Willow freeze beneath her, her eyes dazed and her lips swollen from their kisses. "W-what?" she stammered, her face flushing as she realized exactly how compromising a position they were in, and where exactly her hand was. Quickly, she pulled her hand back, rolling off of the redhead. Her head down, she lifted it briefly, risking a glance at Willow's face, only to regret it when she saw the panic in her eyes.
Willow had no idea how she had ended up sprawled on the floor with Tara on top of her. She couldn't remember exactly how or when they had gotten horizontal, and her mind skittered away from the repercussions of this event, instead happily turning over the logistics of the maneuver.
Shaking her head, Willow forced her brain to get with the now and say something to break the awkward silence. "We can't," she began, her words escaping before she really thought them over. "I mean, we can, 'cuz it's possible … I mean, we HAVE, and here on the mat, but with the rushing and the too-sooness and …" she trailed off, her thought processes grinding to a halt as Tara just sat there. "Aren't you going to say something?" she asked uncertainly.
"I … W-Willow, that shouldn't have h-happened," Tara said miserably, lifting her head, her eyes full of apology. She saw, clearly, what could have happened if things had progressed too far, neither being able to stop. With her feelings of uncertainty about Willow and their relationship, they both would have ended up hurt terribly - more than they already were.
"It's not your fault," Willow hastily assured. "I … I must have … I mean, it's too soon, and you wouldn't -"
"Yes, I w-would have," Tara interrupted, her eyes sad. "And it would have been too much, too soon. I -"
"I know!" Willow cut in. "And so we shouldn't, because I want you back - and duh, of course I want you back - but if we did … err, that … too soon, it would just … it would be bad. Very much with the bad. I mean, it would be good - because it's always good! But still with the bad. . And … you - you can't be around me. None of you can - I'm … I'm not safe. I … I could hurt you, or somebody … it's … I can't control this. It's too much. I'm like matches … I could - I could hurt somebody. I don't wanna' hurt anybody."
"You want me to go?" Tara asked slowly. On one level, she need to stay, and help Willow through this hard time. On another, being around Willow was too much of a temptation. She was too tempted to forget, to let her love for Willow rule her actions, and to let her body have its way with the woman she had adored and trusted above all others. Knowing this, and knowing just how confused and conflicted she was about Willow right now, her course was clear. She had to stay away from Willow, or risk tearing apart any love they had left.
"Go? But we were doing research … Hell God, witches, rituals …? I'll … I'll go. You stay. I need some air. The magic shop probably isn't the best place for me right now. I need to breathe," Willow said suddenly, disappearing out the door and into the alley before Tara had time to stop her.
"Tara? Everything okay in there?" Xander asked, knocking on the door as he slowly swung it open.
Tara rose awkwardly to her feet, straightening her rumpled clothes, shocked at what had just passed. Had all of that really happened? Did Willow just walk away?
"I … Willow's gone," she said woodenly.
"Gone? Gone where?" Xander asked, frowning and walking into the room.
"I don't know. She just … she said she needed some air. She, umm… she told me to stay away from her. Said she wasn't safe. And something about matches? She said she could hurt somebody." Tara explained, her eyes distant and troubled.
"Like matches? I think I might know where she went," Xander said, leaning out the door of the training room and calling to Anya. "Come get Tara, honey. She seems a little… umm… I think she needs to talk." With that, he disappeared out the back door of the shop, taking off after Willow.
"Are you okay?" Anya asked, looking into the room, seeing Tara standing there in the middle of the mat looking lost and alone. She frowned when she got no response from the wiccan, and walked into the room, taking her elbow gently and leading her back out into the front of the shop.
Gently, she seated Tara at the research table, then went to make a cup of tea.
"This whole thing sucks," Tara said glumly. "I mean … it's just so …" Tara made a noise of complete frustration, slapping the open notebook in front of her for emphasis. "It's like, the more she fights it, the harder it tries to take over. Almost like …" Tara stopped, frowning and leaning forward, peering at the notebook in front of her.
"Almost like … " Anya prompted, leaning in and trying to read whatever had disrupted Tara's train of thought.
"W-we think that witch from Willow's vision is her, right? From a past life, or an ancestor, or something?" Tara said, looking over the notes in front of her.
"Well, yeah, that's the most logical assumption. She has to have SOME kind of connection to that witch to have gotten that vision. You don't normally get a first person view of the past unless you're connected to the person you're viewing from somehow."
"Oh, Goddess," Tara breathed, reading the words again.
"What?" Anya asked, her head swimming as she tried to make sense of the multi-colored notes.
"'He who is formless and nameless, who delights in shadowed trickery'," Tara quoted, reading from the notes, "'cannot be commanded by any but one, descended from the line that kept him from Earth and Sky. His wrath shall be known to those so descended, and he will cause them great harm from the shadows, turning them against themselves, until such a one is too weak to defeat him.'"
"Oooh … a manipulative Hell God," Anya said. "Definitely different than Glory. She was about as subtle as … well … something that isn't subtle at all. Umm… me, for instance." Anya paused, frowning. " This witty simile thing isn't as easy as Xander makes it seem."
"Anya?" Tara asked weakly.
"Yes, Tara?"
"Could … could W-willow's source be the Trickster?" she asked slowly, her stomach roiling at the thought.
"I … " Anya paused, blinking slowly. "That would explain a lot, actually. Like how she doesn't think she has a source. If he's the manipulative tricky type, she wouldn't necessarily know. And if she's the descendant of this witch, it makes sense that he'd kind of … take over before she could stop him. Then there's the whole Glory thing. She started in with the Dark Arts during that whole fight, and he'd have an interest in making sure she was defeated, as well as having enough power to lend to actually hurt her."
"That's w-what I thought," Tara said, letting her head fall forward against the notebook. She shook her head, groaning. "Goddess, no," she whispered, her eyes closing as her hands closed into fists.
"It … it'll be all right," Anya said lamely, gingerly patting Tara's back. She wanted to comfort the witch, but she found herself decidedly lacking in the real-life comforting experience, so she wasn't sure how.
"I … I can't stay here. I need to go," Tara said, rising to her feet awkwardly and straightening her rumpled clothes.
"Go?" Anya asked, sitting down at the table and setting the tea down in front of Tara.
"I'll … I'm …," Tara paused, and took a steadying breath. "I'm going away. For a few days, I've decided. Maybe a w-week," she finally said slowly.
"Away? Away where? And what about your classes?" Anya asked curiously. "Willow doesn't approve of missing out on a chance for scholastic achievement."
"Just … away," she said quietly, dodging the question, knowing perfectly well where she was going.
"And Willow? You're leaving her here?"
"Anya … my mother had some things … some things she left me. She had all kinds of notes and journals and books and stuff that I think can help keep Willow safe. If … if there's a H-Hell God trying to keep her w-with him, then she's going to need some h-heavy protection."
"But - she needs you here!" Anya protested, wondering how she would feel if Xander abandoned her when she was being used by a Hell God for some nefarious apocalypse-y purpose.
"I … I know," Tara said, her eyes downcast. "But there's nothing I can do here. She's the one w-who's fighting this thing, and she needs to be able to fight without me. W-what I'm doing will just kinda' … break the connection between her and the Trickster. I h-hope. But, she's still going to have to deal with the darkness she's already got inside her. It's really the only thing I can do to h-help her."
"I understand," Anya said with a sigh. "But it's only a few days, right? Or a week at the latest?"
"Definitely. I'll get back here as soon as I can," Tara said firmly, a new purpose rising up in her. If what she suspected was true, Willow was going to have a long battle in front of her, and as much as it was Willow's battle to fight, she could at least give her the tools she needed to win. She wanted Willow to win - needed Willow to win.
"When are you leaving?" Anya asked.
"I should go now," Tara said, standing up. "I'll have to run by home and pick up some clothes and stuff."
"Good luck, Tara," Anya said, surprising the wiccan by hugging her close. "And don't forget that you're helping plan the wedding as soon as we take care of this Trickster guy."
"I won't," Tara said as she left the shop and headed to the Summers home. She just hoped Dawn wouldn't freak too bad.
[This message has been edited by Sassette (edited January 20, 2002).]
by TrueXena » Sun Jan 20, 2002 3:58 am
quote:
Originally posted by Sassette:
"Good luck, Tara," Anya said, surprising the wiccan by hugging her close. "And don't forget that you're helping plan the wedding as soon as we take care of this Trickster guy."
GOD I love Anya.
Great job Sassette and part 21 is when?
------------------
Later dayz,
TrueXena
"I'm so evil, and skanky...and I think I'm kinda gay."
"Hello! Gay now!"
quote:by emily 'first' » Sun Jan 20, 2002 5:20 am
------------------
vive,valeque.
by Puff » Sun Jan 20, 2002 11:39 am
------------------
Bloody hell, sodding, limey, shagging, knickers, bollocks...oh God...I'm English
by Sassette » Sun Jan 20, 2002 2:16 pm
Emily - Yeah, they left out different doors ... if you thought that was worrisome, you should've seen the first draft of this part. But as for where they're headed - back to each other, I promise. They're always headed back to each other on the important level, even when they're far apart.
Puff - Thanks *G* I was planning on making this a kind of "dealing with a loved one who has an addiction" getting back together piece, but somewhere, it developed a plot. A really convoluted one, too. This darn thing is gonna' be MUCH longer than I intended.
Clearly, all the "reconciliation fic" writers who fast-forwarded past Willow's recovery are a HECK of a lot smarter than I am *G*
-Sass
[This message has been edited by Sassette (edited January 20, 2002).]
by Pixie » Sun Jan 20, 2002 5:43 pm
BTW - "Stands with kittens" - LMAO
by Sassette » Sun Jan 20, 2002 5:47 pm
*******************************************
Title: Answering Darkness Part 21 - Playing With Matches
Author: Sassette
Feedback: Can be sent to pink_overalls@yahoo.com
Summary: Xander catches up with Willow
Spoiler Warning: Up to and including "Tabula Rasa" in Season 6.
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. I'm just borrowing them because Season 6 angst is running high, and I want my happy ending now, dammit! So I'm writing it … but it'll be awhile until I get to that part, so bear with me (or "bare" with me if you're naughty).
Rating: PG-13
Notes: For the purpose of this story, all events of Tabula Rasa took place exactly as shown in the series; however, no subsequent episodes will affect this piece. We're splitting from canon here, because this seems the fastest way to get a reconciliation and because I feel this is one of the possible outcomes when taking the "addiction" metaphor into account. So, I should shut the heck up now, and just get to the story, right? Right.
Answering Darkness Part 21
Playing With Matches
By Sassette
Xander held a piece of paper in his hand, looking it over and frowning as he walked. It was pitiful, really. Here he was, Willow's oldest friend, and this piece of paper was the only thing he had to help her with. But he wasn't a superhero. He wasn't Buffy, with her slayer strength, or Willow with her witchy powers. He couldn't beat someone up or say a few words to make Willow's problems go away, even though he wished he could. Hell, he wasn't even Anya, with her thousand years of experience and knowledge to call upon.
It was familiar in a depressing kind of way, this feeling of helplessness.
Still, he did what he had to do, and even when he couldn't do much, he did it - whatever it was. He did all he could, gave one-hundred and ten percent, and just hoped that it was enough.
But this might not be enough. All he could do was hand over this crumpled piece of paper someone had tacked up at the construction site. He had remembered seeing it, had remembering leaving countless others just like it lying around the house he grew up in - he had never really thought of it as 'home' - for his parents to find.
It had never helped, because they weren't willing to take that first step. Willow, though, was trying. He could see her struggling with this, fighting against the pull of the magic. On one level, he understood, because he had seen so much at home, but on another …
He sighed. There were some things he couldn't understand about it. He'd never been through it himself, and right now Willow needed the support and guidance of people who'd been there. Hence, the piece of paper he had made a special trip to the construction site to pick up, telling the gang that he had some things to take care of.
His footsteps took him automatically to the empty lot he suspected she had run to. He remembered it well, if not fondly, as they had played their often as kids. Just Jesse and Willow and himself, running around the overgrown lot, back when the most dangerous thing in their world was the occasional bit of broken glass lying around.
It had been - God, ten years ago, the last time they'd been there. He'd had a particularly bad day, having been bullied on the playground, his homework and lunch stolen. It was one of the few times he had bothered to do his homework, too. After that, it just kind of seemed like it wasn't worth the trouble to work that hard on something that didn't come as naturally to him as to Willow, only to have his efforts stolen away by bigger kids.
He had ditched the rest of the day, running to this lot where the three of them used to play, feeling like it was the only place he had any kind of control. Here, he and Jesse and Willow weren't three little kids, but whatever they wanted to be. Games of "let's pretend" certainly seemed childish now, looking back, but he knew that these games were his escape from a reality that wasn't always kind.
The book of matches had been lying around on the ground, and he'd picked them up on his way to the lot. He wasn't even sure why he had picked them up, really, but he had, slipping them into his pocket, then looking around to make sure he hadn't been seen. He was fully aware he was doing something wrong, both ditching school and picking up the matches he had always been told were dangerous, but he just didn't care at that point.
He'd started with twigs, but they'd smolder and then go out. That certainly wasn't much fun. Then he'd cleared an area and gotten a small pile of leaves together, and piling twigs onto that. That burned longer, but eventually went out.
By the time school had let out, he had a really little fire going and burning nicely, but it certainly seemed big. He had stared at it, entranced, until a hysterical voice and the sound of two pairs of running feet moving towards him broke him out of his reverie.
"Xander, that's a fire!" Willow had called out, pushing him out of harm's way and pounding it out with her hands in her panic.
She had gotten a few really minor burns, and he'd gotten an ear-blistering lecture from his friend about playing with matches. Jesse had chimed in now and then, backing up the girl he had a huge crush on, though she had no idea.
He remembered in a kind of blur his panic when it was clear Willow was burned, and Jesse's mad dash to find some water to soothe her hurts, all the while Willow angrily reading him the riot act about how matches weren't toys.
With a few tears and hugs, they had calmed themselves down, then went back to their homes, but they had never gone back to that lot, finding new places to play.
He reached the lot, his eyes finding Willow's hair over the top of some overgrown weeds. He moved towards her, pushing through the plants, only to stop and stare in shock when he saw her.
"Willow, that's a fire!" he yelled, unwittingly echoing her words. He ran towards her, his eyes not believing what he saw as he hastily shoved his piece of paper into his pocket. Willow sat, her cupped hands ablaze, a dazed look on her face. He wasn't exactly sure what was burning, but he had the sick feeling it was Willow herself.
Willow looked up abruptly, her eyes unfocused. He pushed her forward, grabbing her arms and placing her hands on the ground. She struggled against him, trying to pull her hands away as he pounded out the fire, wincing at the pain of the heat.
"Willow," he said catching his breath as the adrenaline drained out of him, now that the danger had passed. Slowly, he rolled onto his side. "What the hell do you think you were doing?" he managed to say.
"I - I …" Willow began, only to stop and stare at her hands in confusion. "What was I … ?" she asked, turning her hands over and inspecting them like she had never seen them before.
"Okay, now THAT was weird. Your hands were on fire, Willow," Xander said slowly.
"Oh, God, Xander," Willow said, bursting into tears.
"Hey, hey … easy now," Xander said, pulling her into a hug and gingerly patting her back with his sore hands. "I mean, hands on fire … just another day on the Hellmouth, right?"
"I was just … I mean, I didn't want to, but I was here, and Tara hates me, and I just don't know what to do anymore," she wailed.
"Hey, now. Tara doesn't hate you," Xander said slowly.
"But I just used magic," Willow protested. "I wasn't going to. I promised I wouldn't and I did and now she hates me and it's all my fault."
"Tara doesn't even know," Xander said, his voice confused. "How can she hate you for something she doesn't even know about?"
"That's worse!" Willow declared. "I know, and I know she'll hate me now, and I have to tell her, because if I don't tell her, she'll REALLY hate me, and that's how I got into this whole mess in the first place, so how could I just not tell her?"
"Of course you'll tell her, but it was a mistake, Will," Xander said gently. "You're on the road to recovery. So you stumbled a bit. You have to pick yourself up and go on."
"It's too hard! I can't do this, with the hurt and the headaches and the tummy aches and the magic just won't leave me alone," she sobbed.
"Get ahold of yourself, Will," Xander said firmly, shaking her gently. "Come on, now, snap out of it," he ordered.
Willow's sobs subsided, and Xander's heart broke at the sad lost look in her watery green eyes. "Yeah?" she said weakly, letting out a little hiccup.
"Now, you used magic. That's okay. You try again. You've done really good so far, and you can't just throw that all away. You try again," he repeated firmly. "And this time, you'll go longer without any magic. And if you stumble again, you'll try again - again," he said, pausing and thinking that odd turn of phrase over before continuing. "And then you'll go even longer. And soon, very soon, the need to cast spells won't be as strong, and you'll have an easier time of it. But you have to get through the hard part, first."
"What if I can't?" Willow said, sniffing.
"You can," Xander said with absolute certainty, and Willow let that belief in her wash through her, bolstering her courage. With a gentle touch, Xander brushed back her hair. "You can do anything you put your mind to, Willow. You always could," he said fondly. "And I know you want to get past this, and so you will."
"It's harder than I thought it would be," Willow confessed. "I didn't realize … I didn't know that … that I was this far gone."
"Well, the first step is admitting you have a problem," Xander said, pulling the rumpled piece of paper to Willow and handing it over silently.
Willow brushed away her tears, looking curiously at the flyer Xander had handed her, reading it over carefully. Then she read it again.
"You want me to go to AA meetings?" she asked, confusion coloring her tone. "But Xander, I don't drink."
"No, I want you to want to go to AA meetings," Xander clarified. "I know …" he began, then paused, taking a breath and settling his thoughts. He wanted to get this right. "You don't drink, I know that. But the point is, that all the people who go to these meetings has something in common with you, something that the rest of us don't have. They're all addicted to something that rules their life. They understand what it's like to have cravings and withdrawal and setbacks. I don't. I wish … I wish I had a frame of reference to be all Understanding Guy and Helpful Friend here, but I just don't. I'll help you in any way I can," he went on, his voice getting surer. "But I think these people can help you, too, and I want you to have all the help that you need."
"Where did you get this?" Willow asked, her hands smoothing out the wrinkled flyer, going for the trivial questions while her mind turned over what Xander had said.
"It was tacked up on a bulletin board at the construction site. I used to leave things like this around the house for mom and dad, so I always notice them," he explained.
"Oh, God, Xander, I'm so sorry," Willow said, her face miserable as she thought of Xander's parents.
"Hey - not your fault, Will," he said lightly. "Y'know," he went on, the lightness of his tone at odds with the serious sad look in his eyes, "they never got to the point where they thought they had a problem. They always said they could stop anytime they wanted to, y'know? And so they never stopped, and I really don't think they will."
"I'll … I'll go to the meetings, Xander," Willow said, her voice uncertain.
"Willow, if you're going because you want me to feel like I've made a difference, don't," he said firmly. "Don't go for me, don't go for Dawn or Buffy or even Tara. They can be part of the reason, but in the end, you have to go for you, because YOU don't want the magic to be in the driver's seat."
"I'll go," Willow said more firmly. "I'll go to the meetings, because it can't hurt to try, right? I mean, I could hate it, or it could be totally wrong for a magic addiction, but I could at least try. It couldn't hurt. Could it?"
"No, it couldn't hurt," Xander said, smiling at his friend. "You're really gonna' go?"
"Yeah. The very next meeting they have, I'll be at," Willow said, nodding and putting her resolve face firmly in place.
"Umm … the next one is tonight," Xander said, pointing out the meeting times and dates on the flyer.
"Tonight?" Willow squeaked, her resolve face slipping. "Xander, I haven't had time to … to panic about this properly. New place, new experience, new people. I have to have my panic time. Panic time is absolutely essential for new things. Did I mention the strangers? Lots of strangers, all looking at me. Oh, God - I'll have to stand up and introduce myself! I can't - !"
"Hey, Willow, calm down. Lots of people go to these every day."
"But the newness … and the people … and the newness of the people," Willow said, staring at the flyer.
"Look, Willow, you don't have to go tonight. But think about it. I think this is really important, and that it'll be really good for you, but it won't help if you're too panicked to get anything out of it."
"I'll … I'll think about it. About going tonight. I'll … I'll try to go. Tonight," Willow said, afraid that if she had any more time to think it over, she'd accidentally 'lose' the flyer and never go at all.
"Come on," Xander said, standing up and brushing himself off, then reaching down and tugging Willow to her feet.
"Oh, Xander," Willow said, peering at his hands when he winced. "You … you got burned," she said, a look of profound guilt crossing her face.
"Now we're even," he said with a smirk, slinging a companionable arm across her shoulders. "Let's get you back to the magic shop, Ms. Rosenberg. It'll be dusk soon."
"I … not the magic shop," Willow said, shaking her head. "I - I can't be around the magic stuff. It kinda'…" she trailed off.
"Oh, geeze, Will. I didn't even think of that. Is that why - ?"
"Yeah," Willow confirmed, nodding. "Anya was burning some incense talking to a customer, and I kinda' got …"
Xander nodded. "Home, then?" he asked, looking down at his very best Willow Friend.
"Yeah," she said, wrapping her arm around his waist as they walked. "Y'know, we don't do this nearly enough."
"Just hanging out, the two of us?" he asked, knowing exactly what she meant.
"Yeah. I mean, the whole time we were growing up, it was just you and me and Jesse, y'know? And now we're all caught up in our lives and our Scoobyage and our stuff, and we don't really talk much anymore."
"Y'know, Jesse had a huge crush on you," Xander confided.
"He did not," Willow said, swatting Xander in the stomach.
"What's with girls and the random acts of violence?" Xander complained, rubbing his tummy. "And yes, he did. He had a huge monster crush on you, which he never did anything about because you had a crush on me, which I never mentioned, because he had a crush on you," he explained.
"Really?" Willow said, her eyes growing distant as she remembered the defiant young man they had grown up with. Xander had always been the funny one, and Willow the smart one … and Jesse - Jesse had been the rebel. Always getting into trouble, thinking up outlandish ways to bend the rules and dragging his two best friends into it. "Remember when we used to ditch school and go down to the market and buy bubble gum?" Willow asked, her eyes twinkling.
"Yeah. We volunteered to read to the Kindergardners, then lied about when and how long we were supposed to go do that, so we had an extra fifteen minutes to sneak away," he said, smiling at the memory. "I still can't believe Mrs. Calvert and Ms. Vacin never actually talked to each other about what we were supposed to be doing when. They believed everything Jesse said."
"But Jesse's grandma caught us, remember?" Willow asked. "To this day, the thought of ditching school gives me a major case of the heebie-jeebies."
"Oh, God, yeah. I miss that old bag," Xander said fondly, sighing.
"Old bag? She was a really sweet lady," Willow protested.
"Sweet? Ha! Sweet to you, maybe. She adored you. She thought I was a little hellion corrupting her nice mild-mannered grandson," Xander rejoined.
"Hmm … she had no idea he was the bad apple," Willow said, a small smile on her lips. "He had such a way of making even little things an adventure. Remember that scary trail up on Mount JesXanWil?" Willow asked, referring to the hill behind Jesse's house they had named after themselves.
"Good Lord, yes. I had nightmares for a week, with all the stories Jesse made up about the place. I kept expecting something horrible to happen that time we hiked it," Xander said.
"Before we had real monsters," Willow said sadly, her thoughts turning to Jesse.
"I miss him," Xander said, coughing to clear the lump in his throat.
"Me too," Willow whispered, and they continued their walk in companionable silence, as a plan began forming in Xander's mind.
by mollyig » Mon Jan 21, 2002 3:10 am
Loved this line, it was classic Willow:
I haven't had time to … to panic about this properly
------------------
The new Indigo Girls album, "Become You," is in stores Feb. 26, 2002. For
more info, check out Indigo Girls web site at: http://www.indigogirls.com
by TrueXena » Mon Jan 21, 2002 4:26 am
(but then you already know that) Great Update, loved all the remembering of childhoods in this. Great story (of course) and you said that Part 22 is halfway done??
Thanks for actually going through the recovery process (i know we kind skipped over it in RiR, but its nice to see) and of course you would be the bold one to do it.
Hiphip haray for our little Sassette. The best smurf i know. 
------------------
Later dayz,
TrueXena
"I'm so evil, and skanky...and I think I'm kinda gay."
"Hello! Gay now!"
by Web Warlock » Mon Jan 21, 2002 7:14 am
Good job Sass, I was missing this.
Warlock.
------------------
Web Warlock
web.warlock@attbi.com webwarlock@planetadnd.com
Author, the Netbooks of Witches and Warlocks
The Other Side: http://www.xtreme-gaming.com/~theotherside/
--
"Nobody gets me baby. I'm the wind!" - Tom Servo, MST3k
by Puff » Mon Jan 21, 2002 10:13 am
Looking forward to the next part.
------------------
Bloody hell, sodding, limey, shagging, knickers, bollocks...oh God...I'm English
by Pixie » Mon Jan 21, 2002 10:40 am
by Sassette » Mon Jan 21, 2002 2:29 pm
And good lord, TX ... where'd you find the smurf smiley? *G*
And yes, Willow ditched school... imo, people don't develop an unnatural fear of underachieving without a reason - and I consider Jesse's grandma's lecture to be one of Willow's.
Anyway, thanks all you guys, and I'll have the next bit up later tonight.
-Sass
by LeatherQueen » Mon Jan 21, 2002 6:30 pm
------------------
"Honey, I'm the original one-eyed chicklet in the kingdom of the blind." -Glory
by xita » Tue Jan 22, 2002 12:31 am
by Bobo's Mom » Tue Jan 22, 2002 12:33 am
BM
by Sassette » Tue Jan 22, 2002 3:20 am
Title: Answering Darkness Part 22 - Leaving
Author: Sassette
Feedback: Can be sent to pink_overalls@yahoo.com
Summary: Tara packs some things and takes off
Spoiler Warning: Up to and including "Tabula Rasa" in Season 6.
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. I'm just borrowing them because Season 6 angst is running high, and I want my happy ending now, dammit! So I'm writing it … but it'll be awhile until I get to that part, so bear with me (or "bare" with me if you're naughty).
Rating: PG-13 Notes: For the purpose of this story, all events of Tabula Rasa took place exactly as shown in the series; however, no subsequent episodes will affect this piece. We're splitting from canon here, because this seems the fastest way to get a reconciliation and because I feel this is one of the possible outcomes when taking the "addiction" metaphor into account. So, I should shut the heck up now, and just get to the story, right? Right.
Answering Darkness Part 22 Leaving
By Sassette
Tara opened the door slowly, slipping into the house. 'Home,' she thought, a bittersweet smile crossing her face. In her early years, her mother had been her home. That house she grew up in held no memories she looked back upon fondly, except the ones revolving around her mother and grandmother.
This place was different, though. The house - the home - she lived in was full of happy times and laughter, pain and sorrow. It was just a place, technically, like any other, but Tara would always feel like this place where she and Willow had spent the summer caring for Dawn would always be her home.
And she was going.
"Hello?" Dawn called out, trying to discern who had walked in from her place on the couch.
"Hey, Dawnie," Tara said, walking into the room where Dawn and Spike sat, watching television and painting their nails. Spike relaxed when he saw that it was Tara, having tensed up and started to stand when he had heard the door.
"Hello there," Spike said, sitting back down and propping his feet up on the table.
"Hi Spike. Thinking of setting up your own beauty parlor?" she asked teasingly, as he went back to painting Dawn's nails a bright red, gingerly holding the brush so as not to smear his own black fingernails.
"It was Dawn's idea," he said indignantly. “I’m surrounded by the bleedin’ Estrogen Brigade,” he added in an undertone. They could take potshots at his masculinity all day long, and he wouldn't care. Much.
"Oh, absolutely. Definitely my idea," Dawn said firmly, nodding. "How was that?" she added in a whisper, looking at Spike.
"Very convincing," he said dryly, peeking up at her, then going back to her nails.
"What are you doing home so early?" Dawn asked, looking over her shoulder at Tara. She saw the smile fade from Tara's face, only to be replaced by a pained and uncertain look. "Did something happen with Willow?" she asked, a worried frown appearing on her face as the tummy rumblings started up again.
"Sort of," Tara said slowly, unsure of how much she wanted to share with the rest of the group. She wasn't sure, really, that the Trickster was Willow's source. Was she really prepared to panic the whole group over a theory? Even if that theory made perfect sense? "I'm going away for a few days," Tara said finally, figuring that was safe.
"What? Willow drove you away again, didn't she? She did spells, didn't she?" Dawn accused, pulling her hands from Spike and standing to face Tara.
"No," Tara said, shaking her head. "Willow's in a bad place right now, but she's … she's not really why I'm leaving." "Did I do something?" Dawn asked, her hurt evident in her eyes. "Is it because of the spell I cast? I didn't mean to - I mean, I … I just wanted to make things better, and it was just that once. I'd never do that again, now that I know …"
"'Course not, Dawn," Spike broke in, standing up and blowing gently on his nails, a worried frown on her face. "Tell her," Spike demanded of Tara, nodding at Dawn.
"He's right," Tara said, stepping into the room. "Of course you didn't do anything, and it isn't because of the spell. I found a few things researching, and I need to go pick up some books and notes and stuff my mother had. I'm just going to be gone a few days. A week at the most."
"Does Buffy know? Does Willow know?" Dawn asked, somewhat reassured by Tara's words, but not wanting her to leave. "I mean, there's a Hell God Construct running around, and … "
"No, they don't know yet. But these things will help," Tara said. "My mother had some books that we don't have at the magic shop. Some of them are … well, they're very old … and powerful, and I'm not even sure what's in them, really, but I think they'll help. No, I know they'll help," Tara said, a thoughtful frown playing across her features.
"You just know?" Dawn asked slowly. "Like you knew Buffy and Faith had switched bodies," she said, the words not a question.
"Kind of. It's just … a feeling," Tara said. "Well, then," Spike said, pursing his lips. "How are you getting there?" he asked reasonably.
"I … I’m taking the bus," Tara said.
"The bus. The bus? Do you have any idea what kind of sickos ride those busses? No, no … that won't do at all," Spike said, shaking his head. "That family of yours is bad news, and I would know. Oh, bloody hell – take my car, so you can get away in a hurry if you have to,” he finished grudgingly.
"Spike, I couldn't," Tara protested.
"Oh, just take it," Spike said impatiently. "It's not like I ever get to use the bloody thing. I mean, sure, you'll want to clean all the stuff off the windows so you can see, but it runs. And it's not like you can't walk anywhere you want to go in Sunnydale anyway."
"Are you sure?" Tara asked.
"Of course. Wouldn't of offered if I wasn't sure. But… ummm… you'll have to wait awhile 'fore I can give you the keys," he said, holding up his hands and wiggling his polished nails. "I'm guessing you don't want to reach into my pocket and nick them yourself," he said, a wicked smirk on his face.
"Umm, no," Tara said, a blush stealing over her features. "I'll … uh, I'll just go pack a few things while your nails dry." Tara went up the stairs, disappearing from their view.
“Do you really think she might need to make a getaway?” Dawn asked in a whisper.
“She might, yeah,” Spike admitted. “But don’t you worry none. She’s a witch and a big girl. She can handle them. No problem.”
“But they’re so … mean. I didn’t like them,” Dawn said.
“Mmmm,” Spike said noncomittaly. “I’ll … I should go help her pack,” Dawn said, a worried look on her face.
“Your nails aren’t dry yet,” Spike pointed out. Dawn looked at him, indecision plain on her face. “Oh, go on then. Spend some time with her before she goes. I’ll just … watch TV then.”
Dawn nodded absently, leaving the room and heading up the stairs after Tara. If Tara had a feeling she needed to go, then Dawn trusted that, but she couldn’t help but worry about Tara heading off all by herself. Cautiously, she peeked around the doorjamb as Tara was placing several shirts into a gym bag.
“Knock knock,” Dawn said. “You need any help?”
“Dawn,” Tara said smiling at the teenager. “I got it, but thanks. Come on in, though.” Dawn entered the room, sitting on the bed and bouncing a few times, pulling her legs up and folding them beneath her. “Are you going to be all right, for a few days?” Tara asked.
“A week at the most, right?” Dawn responded, smiling brightly, though the smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. “What could possibly happen in a week?”
“Right. Nothing dangerous ever happens on the Hellmouth,” Tara said dryly. “Promise me you’ll be careful?” she went on seriously. “No sneaking out after dark? No ditching school? No skipping breakfast?”
“I promise,” Dawn said, rolling her eyes, even as the concern warmed her. “But just for the week, right? When you’re back, it’s cool if I … I dunno … join a gang, get a tattoo, and stay out until four in the morning?” she asked brightly, an impish look on her face.
It was Tara’s turn to roll her eyes as she grabbed sever pairs of pants from the dresser and put them in the bag. “Dawn,” she said in a warning tone. “It’s never okay to join a street gang, you can get a tattoo when you’re eighteen and no one can legally tell you what to do, and you can stay out until four when you’re married and have three kids.”
“I can get a tattoo?” Dawn said incredulously.
“When you’re eighteen,” Tara reiterated, narrowing her eyes. “At a tattoo parlor that’s safe and sanitary,” Tara added, then had another thought and went on. “And if you get anything tacky, I’ll get some sand paper and scrub it off.”
“Ow,” Dawn winced at the thought. “But I can get one? When I’m eighteen?”
“Yes,” Tara confirmed, zipping up the bag and sitting down next to Dawn. “Any other urgent decisions that need to be made before I got?”
“Do you have to go?” Dawn asked quietly.
“Oh, Dawnie,” Tara said, pulling Dawn into a one-armed hug. “I’ll be back before you know it.”
“A week at the most. You promise?”
“I promise, Dawnie,” Tara stated firmly.
“You’re not just going for the books, are you?” Dawn asked perceptively.
“No, I’m not. I need a little time, and some space,” Tara admitted, working her feelings out in her head as she spoke.
“So it IS because of Willow,” Dawn broke in, scowling.
“No, it’s because of me, and what I need,” Tara disagreed.
“I don’t understand,” Dawn said.
Tara took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as she ordered her thoughts. “It’s lots of little thing, kinda’. I have lots of things to work out, up here,” she said, tapping herself on the forehead. “And … it’s like, I live here now, right?” she asked, waiting for Dawn’s answering nod. “I came here to Sunnydale, but in some ways, I never really left the house I grew up in behind. It’s like I’m here, but – I dunno. Mentally? Emotionally? In some ways, I’m still there, and I don’t want to be. I never really … I didn’t have the strength to go back. There’s kind of a difference between leaving someplace and just sort of … going to another. I never really left there … I came to Sunnydale, and to college. Now, I’m finally ready to leave there. Do you understand?”
“Umm … was that English?” Dawn asked, a small smile on her face. “Because you kind of lost me somewhere between Sunnydale and mental institutions. Or whatever.”
Tara smiled, trying again. “It’s like, if you go TO someplace, you’re not really closing the door behind you. When you actually leave a place, you close the door. So, I’m not leaving Sunnydale. I’m just ‘going to’ my old house, so I can finally leave it.”
“That kinda’ makes sense,” Dawn said, a little smile on her face as she noddd. “I like how it’s all perspective-y and deep.”
“I don’t feel deep,” Tara said, sighing.
“How do you feel?” Dawn asked, curious.
“Nervous. Jittery. I mean, I haven’t been there in – what – two years?” Tara answered.
“I bet everything seems smaller,” Dawn said sagely. “When I went back to my elementary school playground, everything seemed smaller.”
“That’s because you got taller,” Tara said with a laugh. “I haven’t grown.”
“Yes, you have,” Dawn said seriously.
“I – “ Tara began, starting to protest, then pausing, her mind turning over the changes she had gone through in the past two years. When did you scared little girl grow into a confident young woman who faced demons and Hell Gods? Was she really that different? “Thank you, Dawn.”
“You’re welcome,” Dawn said. “But it’s not like I had anything to do with it,” she said, standing up as Tara grabbed her bag and stood.
“I … I should get going,” Tara said, her eyes downcast. “But not leaving,” she added quickly.
“You better not be leaving,” Dawn said, in a mock-threatening voice. “Or else, we’ll just come and get you,” Dawn went on, as they walked down the stairs. “Do you need anything else? Like, should you take some food, or…”
“I’m fine, Dawn. I’ve got everything,” Tara said, patting her bag. She kept telling herself over and over that the faster she got going, the faster she’d be back, and yet she found herself reluctant to go. Was this what she was supposed to have felt when she left her father’s house two years ago to go to college?
“Oh, keys … right,” Spike said, standing and fishing in his pocket for the keys when he noticed Dawn and Tara had come downstairs. “It’s parked near my crypt. I’d walk you over, but I look funny with a tan,” Spike said with a sardonic smile.
“I could walk you,” Dawn offered.
“Thanks, Dawnie, but it’ll be dark by the time I get there. And no being out by yourself after dark. You promised.”
“Okya,” Dawn conceded. Tara hugged the girl close.
“I’ll see you in a week,” she said, giving a good squeeze, then opening the door. Spike flinched back in reflex as a stream of sunlight filtered into the house.
“Don’t scratch my paint,” he warned her. “I might not be able to kill you, but I’ll think of something extremely horrible to do that doesn’t involve attacking you directly and getting a migraine, so you drive safely.”
Tara nodded, a small smile on her face. “Gee, I’ll miss you, too, Spike,” she said. “I’ll be careful with the car.”
“Well, while you’re at it,” Spike said, a scowl in place. “You might as well be careful with yourself too,” he said shortly, moving back to sit on the couch. Tara smiled, then waved at Dawn, walking out the door.
“Well then, back to the nails,” Spike said brightly, his eyes daring Dawn to bring up his strange ‘niceness.’ Of course, if she did, he would just point out that he wasn’t actually being nice. Just polite is all. It certainly didn’t mean that he gave a damn one way or the other about what happened to Tara. He just wanted to make sure his car got back, and it couldn’t very well drive itself, could it?
“I don’t feel like it,” Dawn said glumly, flopping onto the couch.
“Fine by me,” Spike said easily. “But don’t look so down. She said she’d be back, and that one’s word is as good as gold.”
The ringing phone interrupted whatever reassurances Spike was going to add, and Dawn picked it up with a sigh. “Hello?” she said, a touch of impatience in her voice. “Oh! Giles!” she said, her tone brightening. “You got our messages? Buffy’s not here right now. Great, but … what time is it there? What are you doing awake? Wait! I don’t want to know, do I? No, on second thought, don’t answer that question either.” She paused, listening. “Uh-huh? Are you sure we don’t have that book? Oh, yeah, okay. Okay, I’ll write it down.”
Spike grabbed some paper and a pen, handing them over to Dawn as she continued nodding. She made an occasional ‘go on’ noise, jotting down whatever it was Giles was saying. “Okay, I think I got it,” she said. “Do you want me to have Buffy call you when she gets in?”
Spike peered over her shoulder, looking over the cryptic words and scratching his head in puzzlement.
“Any idea what it means?” Dawn paused again, and Spike leaned his head in, trying to hear what Giles was saying. “Oh, okay. Yeah, we’ll work on it. No, I think you should talk to Buffy about that. Uh-huh. Good night, Giles. You should try sleeping sometime – it’s good for you. Yes. Good Night.”
“Good ol’ Giles finally call in, eh?” Spike asked, reading the scrap of paper again. “What’s all this, then?”
“Giles offered to take the next flight out of England. I told him he should talk to Buffy about that,” Dawn said. “I mean, it’d be great to have him here, but it’s kinda’ like … you can only take someone leaving so much, y’know?” she said sadly.
“Buck up, nibblet,” Spike said, frowning down at her, unsure of what to say.
“Anyway, he found this … I dunno … kinda’ prophecy thing. He thinks it might be a reference to the Trickster, but maybe not.”
“Hey – don’t get all ‘Scooby-All-Work-No-Play’ on me here. You don’t have to think about Hell Gods all the damn time, y’know. Now, if something’s bothering you, out with it,” Spike demanded. “If you keep it bottled up, well … that’s bad.”
“It’s just …” Dawn said, trailing off, a miserable look on her face.
“Just what? C’mon, then – tell ol’ Spike.”
“Everyone’s always leaving me,” Dawn said, her voice choked.
“Hang on now, nibblet. You hang on right there. No one’s leaving you, not on purpose. I mean, Tara just went, but that’s because she’s got a damn good reason, and she’s going to be back as soon as she can. But no one’s leaving you,” he insisted, holding her shoulders and ducking down to look her in the eye.
“Dad left. Mom and Buffy … they left, too. And Giles, and now Tara’s gone, and …” Dawn said, stopping as her voice broke.
“Look here,” Spike said sternly. “Your Dad’s obviously a rotter who doesn’t know a good thing when he’s got it. Your mum was a fine lady, and he’s got these two great daughters. You’re better off without him, if he doesn’t have the sense to see how great you are. And your mum … she didn’t want to leave you, but sometimes you don’t have a choice. And in a way, she didn’t leave you at all, because she loved you, and that will always be with you, no matter what.”
“But I need her so much,” Dawn whispered.
“Now, Dawnie,” Spike said, pulling the girl into an awkward hug. “You’ll get by. You’ve got lots of people who care about you, and you’re a bloody smart girl with a lot going for her. You’d probably do fine on your own, if you had to. But you don’t have to, and that won’t change.”
“Until someone else dies,” Dawn said bitterly.
“Life isn’t one big death after another,” Spike growled. “Don’t you dare think that. Not everyone in your life is going to leave you. Buffy came back, and so will Tara. You’re just sad now because it’s gonna’ be a whole week, and that seems like forever when you’re fifteen.”
“Oh, so now I’m just the stupid little kid?” Dawn said angrily.
“Hey – I didn’t say that at all,” Spike said, frowning down at Dawn. “Don’t twist my words. All I’m saying is, that Tara will be back, and you’ll be fine, and that everything’s going to be okay, all right? So, let’s just watch some TV and wait for your sister to come home, shall we?”
Dawn nodded, blinking back the tears that had been welling up in her eyes, then sitting on the couch, swiping the remote control from Spike and smirking.
“Oh, you think that’s funny, do you?” he growled, content to let her have her victory as he propped his feet up on the table and leaned back. Maybe those sensitive talks weren’t so tough after all.
by mollyig » Tue Jan 22, 2002 4:08 am
And I'm pleased to see Giles is still helping from 'tother side of the 'Lantic.
------------------
The new Indigo Girls album, "Become You," is in stores Feb. 26, 2002. For
more info, check out Indigo Girls web site at: http://www.indigogirls.com
by Pixie » Tue Jan 22, 2002 9:26 am
by Shaniezak » Tue Jan 22, 2002 11:03 am
Again with the "you rock"-ness. No, I'm not very constructive right now, but I just woke up, and that's accomplishment enough for the morning, if you ask me!!!
by TrueXena » Tue Jan 22, 2002 11:04 am
quote:
Originally posted by Sassette:
And good lord, TX ... where'd you find the smurf smiley? *G*-Sass
So I take it you didnt believe me when I said "I have many skills"? For shame for shame!
YAY! ROCK ON Sass! I love Spike, and he is so sweet to try and calm Dawn down. Wonderful update, when do we see our two 
s together for some major makeup sex?
(edited to add comments about the update)
------------------
Later dayz,
TrueXena
"I'm so evil, and skanky...and I think I'm kinda gay." -Willow in *Doppelgängland*
"Hello! Gay now!" -Willow in *Triangle*
"I'm all sweaty, trapped, no memory, hidding in a pipe from a vampire...and I think I'm kinda gay." -Willow in *Tabula Rasa*
[This message has been edited by TrueXena (edited January 22, 2002).]
quote:by xita » Tue Jan 22, 2002 8:15 pm
by Sassette » Wed Jan 23, 2002 11:19 am
Pixie: One of my favorite things about Spike is that I feel so ambivalent about him. On one hand, he's a killer, but on another, he's someone capable of loving truly and deeply. When you think about it, a soulless Spike is far better than a soulless Angel - soulless Angel is completely unredeemable, but soulless Spike has his good points. It also brings up some really interesting questions that I don't necessarily have the answer to: like, if love exists without the soul, can morality exist as well? Is being a "good" person not wanting to do anything wrong or bad or violent, or doing the right thing despite those wants? Then, of course, there's the chip - which adds a fun "doing the right thing for the wrong reasons" dynamic. Umm ... I think I'll stop rambling about Spike now, even though he IS an extremely interesting character.
And of COURSE I'll show y'all what happens with Tara.
Shaniezak: You can be non-constructive-praise-heaping-girl anytime you want.
TX: Many Skills. Right. And thank you *G* As for the major makeup sex, who says there's going to be any? I don't write sex scenes ... except for that one time, and that was a fluke - mostly just trying to see if I >could<, y'know? *G* I might just do a 'fade to black' kind of thing *innocent smile*
xita: Oh, absolutely. Willow and Tara both have a few things they need to do - by themselves - before they really get back together. And, back to your point ... I think it's not only important that Tara go home and face all that, but that she do it alone. She needs to know how far she's come.
I should have part 23 up tonight (I >am< on part 23, right?) ... we'll see if Willow makes it to that meeting.
-Sass
[This message has been edited by Sassette (edited January 23, 2002).]
by Shaniezak » Wed Jan 23, 2002 12:07 pm
*cough*preparethecoffee*cough*
by TrueXena » Wed Jan 23, 2002 12:17 pm
quote:
Originally posted by Sassette:
TX: Many Skills. Right. And thank you *G* As for the major makeup sex, who says there's going to be any? I don't write sex scenes ... except for that one time, and that was a fluke - mostly just trying to see if I >could<, y'know? *G* I might just do a 'fade to black' kind of thing *innocent smile*-Sass
I swear Sass if you fade to black I'll hunt you down and beat ya. Besides that "Fluke" was very well done. (and aptly named, "Boink Fest" wasn't it?)
Anyway, I'll gladly go through all this angst and turmoil to get to some hot makeup sex, but I'll be really tee'd off if you fade to black.
------------------
Later dayz,
TrueXena
"I'm so evil, and skanky...and I think I'm kinda gay." -Willow in *Doppelgängland*
"Hello! Gay now!" -Willow in *Triangle*
"I'm all sweaty, trapped, no memory, hidding in a pipe from a vampire...and I think I'm kinda gay." -Willow in *Tabula Rasa*
by Rane » Wed Jan 23, 2002 12:37 pm
by Sassette » Wed Jan 23, 2002 5:14 pm
And Rane - Thanks ... I'm extremely happy to be working on this story again.
As for Tara going alone ... well, if she had gone when she and Willow were together, she knows Willow would have insisted on going with her - and I'm sure she wouldn't want to expose Willow to them, nor would she ask Willow to stand up for her again. She needs to be the strong one who does the standing. That doesn't mean, however, that she won't get an unexpected stowaway. And it's probably not who you're thinking.
But - ! All in good time. Willow's got a meeting she's supposed to go to, and as soon as I get home, we'll see if she makes it.
-Sass
by Lampito » Wed Jan 23, 2002 6:49 pm
I enjoyed the bit about the tattoo. I really liked Tara's implication that she'll *be around* Dawn in three years to scrub off anything tacky with sandpaper.
Lampito
------------------
When the fox gnaws - SMILE!
[This message has been edited by Lampito (edited January 23, 2002).]
[This message has been edited by Lampito (edited January 23, 2002).]
Return to Novogate Backup Pens
Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests
