Part: 1/1
Email address: mariacomet@hotmail.com
Feedback: - Gulp – Yes, please.
Distribution: Just let me know.
Spoilers: All episodes.
Rating: G.
Disclaimer: All Characters contained here-in are owned by and products of the genius of Joss Whedon and Co.
Dedication: To the kittens.
Believe
by Mariacomet
The feel of a hand is enough to make the soul shine without temperance. Or at least such it is, if it’s the right hand. Most wander in lives believing that they are broken, separated from their true selves by the wrong choices, by weakness. Sometimes one touch is enough to make all the chains we place on ourselves fade. The heart believes it can fly and it does.
Tara’s hand slid into Willow’s and they looked at each another with all their fears and hopes burning in their eyes.
“Just one dance?” Willow had asked.
But going to arms that feel like home can never be truly referred to as ‘just’ anything. Tara hesitated. They were standing in what had been their former bedroom. ‘Their room.’ The whole evening they had been at one another’s side. Together, yet still separated by so much.
“I don’t think we should,” Tara managed to say but couldn’t keep the regret out of her voice. Willow heard. Willow knew. Tara knew that the other witch could see into her that easily, and it frightened her.
Her former lover just stretched out her hand. “Please?”
Their hands found each other. Words echoed in Tara’s mind. ‘I will always find you.’ Her heart beat so hard she could barely breath. She stepped into the circle of Willow’s arms. They moved together, swaying slightly, their eyes unable to find respite from one another.
“All my favorite foods at dinner." Tara noted. "A walk under the stars. A dance. I feel a little lightheaded.”
Willow tried to look innocent. “Is that bad?”
“I think it’s…” Her brow furrowed. “Scary. It’s so easy to just…”
The red head pressed her fingertips to Tara’s lips. “Shhh. I know. I’m not asking anything…I just want to be with you. Is it okay, if I just want to be with you for a little while?”
Tara’s eyes closed. She’d cried so many times over the last few weeks and now she felt the tears again. It wasn’t fair that it was so impossibly hard to stay strong. “It’s hard for me. You taught me to believe, Willow. You made me feel special and then…you reminded me why I have never let myself totally believe in the first place. I trusted you more than anyone in my life…and you broke my heart.”
Purity spun in the words. Honesty. Tara had always been honest with Willow, and was so now. The red head lowered her head and stilled, but she didn’t let Tara go. “I know. But it wasn’t just me….The magic.” She whispered.
Tara nodded without hesitation. “I know that the need for magic took control at a certain point. But you opened those doors. I don’t know that you won’t open them again. We’ve both grown so much. We’re still growing.” Again she reached for what she felt was the truth, even though saying the words threatened to break her heart all over again. “Maybe I’m not…maybe I’m not what you need.”
Willow raised her ex-girlfriend’s hand and set it over her heart. “You’re the one I want to grow with.” She lifted her head and that single act arguably was the bravest thing she had ever done. Then again, even beyond fighting the monsters and the vampires and saving the world – this thing with Tara was the most powerful force she’d ever known in her life. “I always thought that it was possible that two people can be meant for each other. I never believed I had met the person that was mine…until you.”
“I know.” The blonde said. “But we…”
“Shhh.” Willow gave a full smile. “I love you, Tara. I believe in what I feel.” They both had to look down after a moment. “I was thinking…you know what I need?”
Tara gave her a look, not sure where the question was headed. “Need or want?”
Willow hadn’t meant the words to take on certain slants, but her mind went there now and she caught her breath. “Okay, I just went to a happy visual place. Steering the conversation back to something that doesn’t make my mind break out in goose bumps. I was going to say – incentive.”
“Incentive.” Tara repeated, she was trying her very best to be serious in light of a now squirming Willow.
The red head worried her bottom lip with her teeth. “Again, when you say it, it sounds much more naughty than when I do.”
Another laugh spilled from her ex-girlfriend. Though…what she felt wasn’t all amusement. It was very, very nice knowing that she could still affect Willow in this way. It was…exciting that she could still move Willow. She shook her head at herself. “Sorry. I’m listening.”
“Well…how about we make a deal? Every week I go without magic, you come to dinner. Walks and dances are optional.”
“Willow, I told you how I feel. I’m not ready to date you again. I don’t even know if you and I could do that. Dating is for people who are trying to figure out how they feel. We already know.”
“It doesn’t have to be dating. It can be…just as friends. Or anything you want.” As long as I get to have you in my life somehow, thought Willow, as long as I don’t lose you. Desperation crawled inside her at the thought of having to continue her journey without Tara’s light in her life. Of course she wanted Tara to be hers again. That was the only thing that seemed right, that seemed to make sense. But it wasn’t her place to ask for that chance. Not now anyway. Even asking for friendship was a border that Willow felt she had no right to cross. Not after all she’d done. But Willow found herself too weak to walk away. Even if it was what seemed best in her more unselfish, unguarded moments. Besides, by walking away, she could never make things right. Never try and give to make up for what she had taken. “I don’t need you to promise that you trust me. Or that you’re not angry. Or say that I don’t scare you. I scare me, Tara. Right now…there’s no one more scared of what I might do than me. I just need you to tell me you haven’t given up on me.”
Staying away from the red head in her arms was impossible, so she allowed herself to kiss Willow’s cheek chastely. “I’ll never give up on you.”
“So…do you think once a week…do you think we could do that?”
“We could see.”
“Well, all things considered, that kind of start is damn skippy.” Willow told her. The blonde laughed quietly. Tara didn’t say anything more for a moment. She didn’t need to. The shine in her eyes was enough of an answer for them both.
“I, um, I’d like to take that dancing option right about now.”
“You want to dance with me?” Willow asked quietly.
“I’d like to try.” They pulled each other closer and danced. Their eyes were closed as they relished the almost guilty pleasure of being in one another’s arms. Time passed, as it does, but neither of them noticed.
[This message has been edited by mariacomet (edited December 05, 2001).]