hi, end. bye! hope you liked the ride... oh, and i decided Dawn's birthday was in early May (story reasons).... ******************
“Don’t leave me.” Was whispered delicately in her ear as bodies shifted and pressed. Later a “Touch me there, again.” was murmured as hands roamed and lips met once more. After that a “Please don’t let go.” was met with an earnest, “Don’t stop. Ever.” And so they continued. “I love you.” was admitted towards the end before sleep conquered them, limbs still enlaced together.
The more time Tara spent with Willow after Dawn’s party the more she thought about that night, the night of Xanders’ wedding. Seven and a half months later the details were returning, the little sounds, the little touches, the passionate feelings of that night were coming back. Tara had tried so hard to suppress them, force them from her mind but they haunted her again. Every single loving touch, every single sensual moan, all of it, everything.
She knew Willow was the one that would always love her. And Tara knew she would always love Willow, no matter what. They were still connected, they were still one of the same. They were still both in love with the other and both afraid.
Tara knew she’d changed since arriving in Sunnydale, she knew she’d changed because of Willow and her love. After they broke up Tara had to figure herself out again, who was she without Willow? Who was she without her other half?
The more time Tara spent with the Scoobies the more she realized they didn’t see her anymore simply as another witch or Willow’s girlfriend. They saw Tara, the Tara she had become. At first she thought it was because Willow was alienating herself from them and she was the only thing that reminded them of the redhead, but Tara soon realized they were seeing the real her, listening to the real her, trusting the real her. Dawn and Anya had always seen her for who she was, Buffy and Xander were a different story. However, the more Willow disconnected from them the more they got to know Tara one on one, and the more they realized what it was Willow was screwing up.
Tara knew Willow had changed after what happened to Xander two months before his wedding. The reality of she being the cause that almost killed him when they went to confront Rack became too much to bear. If Willow had been slowly distancing herself from the Scoobs before then and so her complete separation from them afterwards was the only thing she could think of. She moved out of the Summers home and disappeared.
She’d left them a note on the fridge door saying she would be fine, to not look for her. She knew where she was going and that she needed some time to get out of her head and back in. She was lost and needed to find herself. Even though all were worried, and a few of them cried, they knew she was doing what she needed to do. She was never seen but often heard from. She would write them emails every day letting them know she was all right but never gave them more information than that. Four weeks later she came back home, duffel bag in hand and sporting the Willow smile no one had seen in months, maybe even a year. She was back, she was in control again and she was ready.
All had pretty much guessed she had gone to Angel for help, plus an email from Cordy a few days after she left confirmed it. But they never let her know about it, never told on Cordy, and never went to look for her in Los Angeles. This was her fight and they couldn’t help her with it, not even Tara.
Tara sensed her change the night of Xanders’ wedding a month later. She knew her Willow was back but she was still afraid. All were. They would always be afraid that Willow could slip up one day, but she also knew that was exactly what Willow feared the most. Willow needed to know she was safe, safe to make a mistake knowing that someone would be there to help her as long as she helped herself. She knew they had messed up the night of Xanders’ wedding. She was troubled by it, not only for Willow and herself, but for what the Scoobs would think. If the hole in the shop hadn’t caused such problems with Anya and another big bad hadn’t gotten in the way then Tara was sure all of them would have thought that Tara and Willow had gotten back together again. Dawn had hoped for it, but it didn’t happen. Tara wasn’t ready.
As much as Tara had given herself to her that night she still wasn’t ready to give herself wholeheartedly. She had been so hurt by Willow and what she’d done, how she had so carelessly treated her and disregarded her beliefs that she couldn’t find it in herself to let go and fully trust anyone again. Months passed and she watched her from afar noticing how Willow continued to change. Then, the more time she spent with Willow after Dawn’s birthday, the more time they spent researching and talking together, hanging out and studying, the more Tara opened up to Willow. But she did it slowly, it was the only way.
A gentle touch here and shy smile there would hopefully let Willow know she was cherishing their moments together. She hoped Willow knew that just by her being the redhead she always loved that Tara was gaining confidence in her more and more every day. The first time around Tara had been so in love with Willow she felt that she had given her heart away too soon. She had worried about Willow, about her friends, about Oz, but the night she came to her with the candle… Tara knew Willow was hers. And now Tara had to let Willow know she trusted her again, that she wanted to be with her again. That she loved her and was still in love with her. She knew Willow needed to hear it aloud.
*******************
Sitting at a back table at the Espresso Pump, Willow was in such deep thoughts that she never felt or heard Tara walk up to her from behind. Tara simply looked over Willow’s shoulder at the computer screen in front of the redhead. Hearts, Willow had been playing Hearts on her laptop and, of course, she was winning. Tara smiled at the memory of the time Willow had tried to teach her how to play that game. It was right after she had taught her which search engines were the best for research and how to hack into government sites. The blonde had found the latter task easier than the computerized card game.
But she knew Willow wasn’t playing Hearts right now. She could sense she was off in her trance-y, I’m having a babbling session in my head mode. She didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t announce her presence because she was afraid Willow would think she was checking up on her. She couldn’t back away because she wanted to see her so badly.
She noticed Willow slowly picked up a purple pen on the table and wrote on a pad next to her keyboard. Willow drew out the letters in cursive, *Tara* the message read. Deliberately Willow turned her head behind her towards her ex girlfriend. She had a cute smirk on her face as she said aloud, “Hey.”
Tara glanced down at the floor nervously. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—“
“Tare,” and, as Willow she moved the rest of her body out from under the table she asked, “What are you doing here?” Her tone was one of sweet surprise.
“I, uh, I thought I’d find you here.” was the simple reply.
“Me?”
“I wanted to you come out with me tonight.”
Willow familiarly reached out to hold Tara’s hand. “Of course… Where?”
“It’s a surprise.” Tara smiled.
“A hugs and puppies kind of surprise?” Willow asked a bit meekly. Then, she remembered. “The Solstice!”
Tara nodded affirmatively. “Yes. It’s also the Honey Moon.”
“Honey Moon? Oh! The full moon in June. I read that.” Willow saw Tara’s delighted face. “Yes, I read the book you gave me when we first met. And all the other ones, including the ones you told Anya to buy for me.” She smiled at Tara’s shocked expression and squeezed her hand lovingly.
One of the things Tara always thought would help Willow understand her point of view would be to go back to the roots of magic, to study the history of witchcraft and her own Wiccan beliefs. Soon after the night of Xander’s wedding, after what she called her epiphany, Willow began her true studies of Wicca and witchcraft with Magic Box resources. Tara knew about it, Anya had told her, and Tara suggested other books Anya could buy for the shop without Willow ever knowing she was helping her. Willow continued to study and research month after month, and the more time passed Tara’s trust in Willow’s new use of magic grew little by little.
Willow continued, “I think I’ve alphabetized all the Wiccan codes and created my own system of calculating the dates and times for wiccie celebrations in my head.”
“So, you don’t think they were silly?” Tara asked shyly.
“Silly? Tara, no.” Willow unconsciously moved Tara towards her and sat her on her lap. Tara snuggled in, her body perpendicular to Willows’. Both girls had regressed back into their complete ease with one another and their open affection during the last six weeks. “Never. I understand it all better now. If I had listened to you, all of you, before… None of this would have ever happened.”
Tara lovingly draped one arm around the redheads’ shoulders. “Things happen for a reason. Remember you told me that?”
“Yeah, but I was just trying to sound all wise and whatnot. I don’t know anything about anything.” Willow chuckled lightly.
“You know that’s not true, Willow, you’re a brain.”
“Really? I thought I was a girl.” The redhead chuckled again.
Tara grinned as she tenderly squeezed Willow’s body close. “You’re *my* girl.”
Both suddenly realized what Tara had said and looked at each other expectantly. Green melted into blue as lips curled up in gentle-hearted smiles.
Tara delicately kissed Willow’s forehead and said, “I should go. I’ll see you tonight? Sheep’s Meadow, 8:30?”
Willow nodded as she watched Tara stand up off her. Her hands didn’t want to ever let her go again. “Do you need me to bring anything?”
“I got it. Thanks.” Tara smiled.
Willow held up one of Tara’s palms to her mouth and kissed it. “See you later then.”
Both didn’t let go until the last final moment of Tara’s departure from the table.
***********
Following the Solstice ritual performed by the two, they hadn’t felt so connected with each other in a long time. It was a whole body, mind and soul bond. It was like Willow was inside of Tara and Tara was inside Willow, yet both knew they were separate entities. Both girls felt each other everywhere and reveled in it.
Coming down from the rush of the second ritual, a healing ritual, Tara fed Willow seedless grapes within the circle of protection as Willow’s head rested on her lap, her other hand brushing her fingers through the red hair. The light of the full moon bathed the two girls and a light wind breezed around them.
“I have something for you.” Tara announced as she reached over into her bag and pulled out a neatly wrapped box with a bow on top.
“Tara, you didn’t have to.” The hacker replied as she sat up. Nevertheless, Willow accepted the present and opened it with a huge grin on her face. Then, as the gift registered she got quiet. “A candle?” Willow finally asked as she looked up to Tara, near tears in her eyes. “An extra flamey one?” The quiver in her voice was not lost on either girl.
Tara just sadly smiled. “Read it.” She whispered aloud to the redhead.
Willow took a deep breath before reading from the inscription encircling the candle. “I will the energy contained within this candle to heal, harmonize, and balance my being… Bring laughter to the heart and soul for my healing and happiness. May light and love surround and protect me in all my endeavors… I will it so.” A single tear fell down Willow’s cheek as she looked over at Tara again.
“So mote it be.” The blonde voiced as soon as their eyes connected.
“Tara…” Willow began to openly cry. Without any hesitation, Tara wrapped Willow up in her arms, kissing the top of her head and gently stroking her back. “What does this mean?” Willow asked as she listened to Tara’s heart beat as her head rested on her ex girlfriends chest.
“You’re my always, Willow.”
“But what does this mean?” she asked again, her voice a bit more desperate. Her eyes located hers as she sat up. “Tara…”
“It means I’m with the person I love… With the person I trust.” Tara brushed her hand softly over Willow’s cheek. She wiped the tears away.
“You trust me?” she asked not believing she’d heard the blonde say that. She’s imagined it so many times, why wouldn’t this be another figment of her imagination?
“I trust you… A-and I know you’re scared that I don’t. I do, Willow. And I’m not going to not love you or not be in a relationship with you just because one day, maybe, something may happen.”
“But-“ Tara’s eyes stopped Willow. The redhead looked down at the candle as Tara continued.
“I trust you enough to know you will do the right thing, make the right choice if anything ever were to come up again.” Tara reached over and gently pulled up Willow’s chin, raising her gaze and connecting their eyes. “I’ve seen you change so much the last eight months, don’t think I haven’t. I watched and listened, you know that. That night, Xander’s wedding, I knew. I knew you were changing. I felt it. We both were changing. I wanted to talk to you so many times after that night but I just couldn’t. I knew you had to do it alone, you had to want to do this for yourself and not because I asked you to. That’s why I didn’t ask anything of you…”
A sense of peace and warmth surrounded Willow. “Tara, I thought I’d never… I was afraid I’d never be with you again. I was so scared. I can’t lose you.”
“You wont.”
The words hung in the air for a few moments. “You trust me.” Willow smiled lightly in awe of the words she was saying.
“I do.” The blonde nodded.
“I’m going to make it up to you, Tara. I swear.” Willow said as she leaned forward and hugged her again.
Tara looked at her and replied, “There’s nothing to make up.”
“No, I-“ Tara’s lips on hers silenced Willow. Willow sighed with a slight moan as her body burned.
Tara whispered as she drew back and locked eyes with her again. “We’ll do this together.”
“Together.” Willow mouthed as she began to cry again. But Tara’s lips on hers stopped her crying. Tara’s hands caressing her face made Willow feel alive again, made her feel loved and safe. Tara’s body pressing up against hers made her whole. Willow was whole again, and so was Tara.
THE END
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ps the candle thing is real. i'm just in the opposite side of the country and don't have the candle infront of me so i can properly give credit to it.
