hi kittens. no word yet on the biopsy but i'm sure everythign will be fine. it was just really shocking to hear my mum tell me they found a lump, ya know? it's so bizarre how there are probably millions of people going through the same thing right now. like we arent't the only ones. and life continues normally for everyone else. like your world is stopping while everyone keeps spinning.anyhoo, on to less depressing topics. here's an update. i've just started some classes and it's funny to sit there and think about how to write your next update rather than comprehensive contracts in business affairs. still, the class is awesome. writing contract sucks (so boring and wordy) but learning about them is cool. and, it helps keep my mind off other things...
so, hope you like this update. (although i know you wont cause it's angsty)
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“WHO LET THE DOGS OUT? WOOF, WOOF, WOOF! WHO-”
Willow groaned in her bed. She abruptly pulled the pillow over her head and mumbled incoherently, even to herself. This day was not starting out well at all.
All throughout breakfast Willow was lost in thought. She’d gone through the motions of getting her cereal, coffee and fruit, but she wasn’t hungry. She was disconcerted about everything that happened last night. Tara, the truck, what Xander said… She felt euphoric about Tara, but at the same time she felt misled and she didn’t understand why. It was festering inside her.
After breakfast the round robins began and Buffy and Willow’s group joined up with Jonathan’s group at the stables. The instant Willow saw Tara her heart melted thinking of the night before, but the closer she got the more the redheads body became fidgety. So much was running through her head she didn’t even know where to begin.
A grin crossed the blonde’s face as she walked up to her. “Hey.”
“Hi.” Willow meekly said.
“I spoke to Beth and she agreed to take over on Monday for me.”
“Yay.” Willow nodded her head briefly as she took in a deep breath.
Tara knew something was odd. “A-are you all right? Is something wrong?”
“I just… I didn’t get enough sleep last night.” She shyly smiled at Tara.
“I couldn’t fall asleep.” The blonde daintily whispered to her, “I kept thinking about you.”
Willow painfully grinned. “Me too.”
Out of the corner of her eye Tara noticed one of the boys improperly setting the saddle. “Hold on.” She said to Willow as she walked over to help, “Mark, you need to make sure the saddle’s on tight or that’ll happen to your rump rug.”
The sound of Tara’s voice faded as Willow observed her.
“Willow? Would you mind helping me?” Buffy asked, walking up. “I can’t seem to clamp the thing in the thing correctly.”
Willow’s gaze shifted from Tara. “Huh? Thing?”
“Yeah, the horsie thing where I put my feet.”
“Um, the stirrups? Sure.” She replied as she walked over towards Buffy’s horse.
“So, what time did you get in last night?” Buffy casually asked as Willow studied her handiwork. “You weren’t there when I got back from patrolling.”
“Late.” Willow voiced as she sneaked a peak at her best friend. “How did you manage to twirl this around like this?”
“I didn’t do that. It was like that when I got it… Are you ok?” Buffy asked her, concerned.
“No.” she truthfully replied as she ceased her movements and stared at the saddle for a second.
“I, um… I was going to go look for you after the movie. But…”
“I was with Xander. For a while.”
“Xander?”
Willow glanced at Buffy. “Yeah. Why?” Buffy didn’t answer her. “Here you go. Good as new.” She said, finished with her minor modifications.
“Thanks.” Buffy voiced as Willow walked away and headed towards the entrance of the stable, leaning against the door opening.
“Ok, you got it now?” Tara asked the blushing camper. He nodded with a gushy grin on his face. “Is everyone ready?” the blonde asked the group of kids and counselors.
Everyone shouted at the same time, “Yes.”
“Ok, inspection time. Line up.”
Willow looked as the campers took their horses by the reigns and lined them up in the center of the stable. She watched Tara carefully inspect each horse one by one. She saw her smile, nod, and adjust whatever was wrong with of the any horses’ get up. She finally inspected the first horse in queue and looked over to Willow.
“Feeling adventurous today?” she half smiled.
“Not really.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Ok, see you later then.” Tara grinned as she led the group out.
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By the time the riders came back Willow was ready to detonate. She’d spent the last forty-five minutes imagining different scenarios on how to convey her feelings to Tara in an adult like manner.
As the campers and counselors put away their equipment and groomed their horses, Willow walked up to Tara and asked, “Tara, could I please speak to you a second? Outside?”
Tara nodded happily. “What’s up?” She asked, following Willow to the side of the stables. She moved forward for a quick kiss but stopped a few inches from Willow when she noticed her pout. “What?”
Distressed, Willow began, “I’ve been thinking. A lot. Not about you and me though it does have to do with you and me, but not that I wasn’t thinking about you and me because I was thinking about you and me. So I guess I have. But, I’ve been thinking about how I don’t like letting things fester inside. It’s not good. I’m not a good festerer. It makes my stomach all acid-y and-“ Willow took a deep breath before replying. “I want to know about you and Oz.”
“Huh?” Tara asked confused by the question.
“You and Oz. Letters? Xander told me you wrote to him last year.” She said crossing her hands over her chest restlessly. She hated feeling like a tattletale but she needed to know the truth.
“W-what?” Tara asked completely disquieted, she couldn’t believe this. “Willow, he sent me a card when I was in the hospital with Mono. I wrote him back. Then he wrote me back. And we corresponded.”
“Nothing more?”
Tara’s eyes showed her pain. “No, why would you think that? You think- me and Oz? Willow. We hardly knew each other at camp last year, I don’t just fool around with people I meet. And especially not boys.” She shook her head in disappointment as she turned around to head back to the stables.
“No wait!” She desperately grabbed Tara’s hand. “I’m sorry. I know you’re gay. Hello, me too. I guess. I-I just- I have problems sharing my people.” She was ready to kick herself, ‘Argh! I’m saying everything wrong!’
“Your people?” she asked, though Willow’s ‘I guess’ wasn’t overlooked.
“No, that didn’t come out right. I mean-“
“I know exactly what you mean.” She said as she gently shook off Willow’s grasp and walked off.
“Tara, wait. I’m sorry. I’m just so confused and-… I love you. I’m in love with you. And…” Once Tara turned back around to her, Willow stopped talking.
Tara looked over at her and sighed. “You don’t accuse people like that if you’re in l-love with them. It was just friendly chat, Will. You should trust me enough to-“
“Tara, I do.”
“Obviously not.” She said her voice aching with emotion.
“Wait.”
“This isn’t the time nor the place, Willow.” She said, hurt, as she sauntered back to the stables.
Willow was clenching her fists in anger, she wanted to scream. She’d messed it up. ‘Silly, stupid thoughts!’ Tara probably hated her now and it was all her fault. She quickly looked around the ground, grabbed a pebble and threw it against a tree trunk nearby.
“Wow, you slayed it. I’d say you’re getting better and better at throwing things, Will.” Buffy chuckled as she walked over to her best friend. “Maybe you should take over for me.”
Tears were forming in Willow’s eyes. “I’m in love with her.” she admitted quietly without looking at her best friend.
Buffy’s eyes widened, it took a few seconds to respond. “Well... Uh… I-I know.” She said, sensitively.
“What?” Willow asked as she wiped the tears from her cheek.
“It’s pretty obvious. Plus I, uh… In the truck, Willow?” she smiled trying to comfort the redhead.
“How did- Oh god! Patrolling, huh? How much did you see?!” Willow began to hyperventilate as she braced herself for the worst. This was definitely the worst day of her life.
“Nothing! I didn’t see anything. I promise. I just saw you shove her in the truck. And, um-“
“I did not shove! I nudged.” She blushed.
Buffy was already red. “And I *was* patrolling. The busses are in the parking area and I just wanted to make sure, you know- No new demons. But enough about me…” Buffy couldn't think of a word other than, “Wow.”
Willow smiled sweetly as she nodded. “I know.”
“Wow.” Buffy said again, playing with her hands nervously.
“Yeah, I heard you the first time... Is this freaking you out? Are you freaked?” Willow asked, worried.
“What? No. I’m- Ok. It’s a little wiggy but I’ve been absorbing and trying to process this for a while. I kinda saw it coming, you know? The witch stuff-“
“Witch stuff?”
“Well, yeah. Witchess, womanly, earthly, goddess-y…”
“Lesbian-y?” Willow said, sarcastically.
“Willow, no. I don’t think you’re-“
“Hey,” Jenn came running up to Willow and Buffy. “I’m going to the cabin to get my baseball cap, ok?”
“Ok.” Buffy answered. Her gaze turned back to Willow who was staring down at her shoes. “Willow?” she asked her heart breaking to see her best friend so rueful like this.
“She’s mad at me now.”
“Why?”
“You know me. I say stupid things when I’m…” Willow started to cry.
“It’ll be fine.” Buffy hugged Willow.
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TBC....
