Title: No More Blues
By Bobo’s Mom
Rating: PG 13
Pairing: W/T, X/A
Feedback: Feedback is welcome.
Distribution: Who knows?
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and ME own all. I have nothing. Just taking the girls out for a spin.
Spoilers: Season Six. Specifically “Older and Far Away”, Consider this a “missing moment” fic. Why are Willow and Tara so comfortable with each other at the wedding? Well, here’s my theory.
Also, this is a kind of songfic. I’ve been listening to “Chega de Saudade” by Tom Jobim/Vinicius de Moraes throughout the day. It’s one of the first bossa nova’s and a happy little song. I included a translation of the song’s lyrics for anyone who’s interested in what I was thinking about when I wrote this thing.
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Cradling her drink, Willow made her way over to the sofa against the stairwell. Frowning, she took a seat and observed in the scenes of revelry around her. Willow recognized a number of the Bronze regulars, swirling around her, unaware. She felt removed from the scene while still remaining within it. Dawn was off on the dance floor, having fun with some boy from class. Xander and Anya sat at one of the tables in the distance, eating clips and planning plans. Almost everything was at it should be.
Almost. Two pieces of the puzzle were missing. Buffy, after an early evening of vamp hunting, decided to stay home. Willow smothered down the guilt that began to rise at the absence of her friend. Buffy was readjusting to life on this plane of existence, dealing in her own way, and Willow couldn’t afford the self incriminations involved in analyzing why her friend wished to stay home. Flicking her finger around the edge of her cup, she centered her thoughts on the other missing member of their tight knit group.
Tara. Willow’s ex-girlfriend always seemed to be at the edge of her thoughts. Sometimes in sadness for the mistakes that could not be rectified. Sometimes with imaginative leaps of the things she would do and say. The right looks, the right words that would somehow make the sadness go away. She wished she could send her sadness to Tara; a gentle dispatch delivering a message of how much she missed the bond between them. Willow smirked slightly as she thought about the personification of her imaginary courier. A redheaded sprite wearing a fuzzy sweater, standing in Tara’s door way saying, “This is so hard without you.”
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“I was going to ask you to help me work off some poundage on the dance floor, but if you want to keep staring at your drink, I’ll respect that.” Willow shook her head to clear her thoughts before looking up at Xander standing above her.
Smiling fondly, she gestured for him to sit beside her. “You keep going for the snackage the way you’ve been doing, you might need more than a turn around the dance floor to help you.” Willow secretly thought Xander’s new habit of panic eating was a cute, if unhealthy, way of dealing with the stresses of his upcoming wedding. Her smile faded as she thought of all the times she had indulged in chocolaty cravings with Tara when they were together.
Settling down beside her on the sofa, he replied, “Low blow, Willow. And to think I came over here to bring cheer.”
Was she so transparent that Xander had picked up on her longing from across the bar? If he could see it, as occupied as he was with the details of the wedding, how would she ever be able to mask her feelings around Tara? “What makes you think I need cheer?” she asked uncomfortably.
“Could it be the frown that won’t turn around?” Xander countered in a serious tone.
Willow took a sip of her now watery drink before grumbling, “That me. Ms Frowny McFrown.” The truth was she was sad, in spite of her assurances to Dawn earlier. She missed Tara. Sitting in the Bronze, watching everyone around her, held no meaning without knowing that she could share the atmosphere with Tara.
“Listen, Willow, I didn’t come over hear to make you unhappy, but I did want to warn you.”
“Warn me of what?”
“Anya went off to call Tara about some wedding stuff, and to invite her over. She’s showing up here tonight.”
“Tonight?” Willow squeaked before calming herself by taking a long sip from her cup. “Remind me to get something stronger next drink”
“Can do.” Xander nudged her affectionately. “I think I could use a little courage of the alcoholic kind too.”
“Why is that?”
“Because here comes Anya, and she’s bringing over the menu choices. How does one decide on a six course meal that pleases both human and demon guests?”
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Willow receded deeper into the corner of the sofa and watched Tara as she moved through the Bronze. From her discreet perch beside Xander, she observed Tara finding Dawn on the dance floor. Dawn’s animated gestures projected the happiness she felt at seeing Tara unexpectedly. Willow’s heart mirrored the gestures of the teenager, leaping for joy at the sight of her ex-girlfriend so here, so real, not twenty feet away from her. She began to feel the heat rise in her checks as Dawn pointed over to where she and Xander and Anya sat together.
Unable to take her eyes off Tara as she continued to talk with the teenager Willow nudged Xander in the ribs with her elbow and whispered, “Do you think she’ll come over here?”
Xander hissed slightly as he rubbed at his side. In her panic and excitement, Willow had put more force behind her nudge than she had intended.
“Hey, don’t bruise the groom before the wedding. That’s the bride’s prerogative,” Anya huffed as she reached over to pat her fiancés’ hand. “There, there sweetie. I’ll kiss it and make it better later.” Returning her focus to Willow, she frowned slightly. “She’ll come over here, but if you don’t take a deep breath you’re going to pass out and miss out on saying hello.”
Willow’s eyes widened as Tara began to weave her way through the crowded dance floor and toward them. Who could remember to breathe when faced with such beauty? The cute way she mumbled excuses as she slipped past dancers tugged at Willow’s heart. The shy way she lowered her eyes as she got nearer to the circle of friends, before catching each of their eyes with a thoughtful expression. That slight hesitancy in her gate as she moved closer. Willow could never tire of watch Tara move, especially when Tara walked toward her. “Anya, I can’t help myself,” Willow softly stated as she watched Tara draw closer. “She always takes my breath away.”
For a moment, Anya felt her own breath catch as she looked at Willow. Her eyes softened as she whispered, “That’s so romantic.” Turning back to Xander, her face hardened. “They’re broken up, and she still says the most beautiful things about Tara.” She poked him in the ribs slightly harder than Willow had, causing him to hiss like a cat as he rubbed both sides of his rib cage dramatically..
As she came upon the group Tara couldn’t help but laugh at Xander’s overreaction. “Is this some new wedding ritual I’ll be expected to take part in?” She made a punching gesture to emphasize her words. “The Striking of the Groom?”
“Oh Tara,” Anya laughed as she stood and opened her arms to her friend, “If I had wanted a traditional wedding we would use sticks to beat up on Xander.”
Stepping into Anya’s embrace she smiled, “It’s a good thing, then, that you’re a modern couple.”
Xander stood. “We find it cuts down on the open wounds.” He leaned in and kissed Tara’s check over Anya’s shoulder as the two women continued to hug.
“Thank the heavens for modernity.” Willow joined in to the easy banter as she stood to greet Tara. Extending her hand, she reached around Xander and smiled slightly when Tara reached out and tugged at her fingers. “Hey,” she mumbled through a grin, not yet willing to relinquish the hand that easily gripped hers. Stepping nearer to Xander’s back, she rested her head against his shoulder, thrilled at the feeling of having her hand held by Tara.
Anya squeaked slightly and mumbled against Tara’s shoulder, “As much as I’m all for the group hug, isn’t it bad luck to crush the bride before her special day?”
Tara giggled as she slipped her hand from Willow’s and disengaged herself from Anya’s embrace. “Sweetie, you have nothing to fear.” Looking past the couple she winked at Willow before continuing, “But we will have to change some of our plans for your bachelorette party.”
“Bachelorette party?” Anya questioned as she moved away from the group and sat back down on the sofa with a slightly confused look. “Bachelorette party? Is that when naked men crush their genitals against me in an attempt to part me with my hard earned money? Because if that’s the kind of crushing we’re talking about, I’m all for it.”
Laughing, Willow and Tara took up places on either side of Anya on the sofa. “Looks like you’re the odd man out, drink boy.” Willow teased as she took in the slightly exasperated look on Xander’s face.
Smiling widely, Anya tossed her arms around the shoulders of the laughing women seated on either side of her. “We have a bachelorette party to plan,” she stated happily.
“Ok, I get the hint.” Xander puffed out his chest proudly before continuing, “I’ll just go over there, then and call my many, many male friends to plan my stag night.” When the three women laughed louder at his statement, he sighed, then finally joined in.
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The four friends had talked into the night about the logistics of the wedding. Willow promised to throw Xander a real stag party. Tara worked with Anya to develop a seating chart that ensured the fewest fights possible during the reception. As a group, they had settled four of the six courses for the wedding meal.
“And you were feeling all stressed,” Anya reached over to claim the bowl of nuts from Xander. “This hasn’t been stressful. It’s been fun.”
Tara grabbed a hand full of nuts and relaxed into the sofa. “You two should have done this week’s ago.” Flicking a nut into the air with her thumb, Tara opened her mouth to catch it.
Looking past Anya, Willow smiled at how alive Tara seemed. When Willow had first introduced Tara to her friends, she often sat up at night assuring her that she was vital and essential. She was proud to be proven right. Xander and Anya loved this woman, and looked to her for calmness, humor, and wisdom. “Baby, can you blame them for not asking the lesbians for wedding advice?”
Willow grimaced when she realized that she had just called Tara “Baby.” People didn’t call ex girlfriends by pet names. Closing her eyes in embracement, Willow couldn’t look at Tara as she waited for someone to say something.
“Um, Willow?”
Slightly surprised at the voice that addressed her, Willow opened her eyes and turned her face up to Dawn.
“Remember how I promised Buffy to be home by eleven o’clock?” Dawn shifted uncomfortably and pointed to her watch. Turning her head slightly, she winked at Xander, trying not to let the slight smile she had detract from her slightly panicked tone. “Well, I lost track of time, and if I’m not home in twelve minutes she’s going to kill me.”
Startled, Willow shifted out of her seat. “Buffy’s gonna killed the both of us if I don’t get you home.” Looking at her watch, she cursed herself for losing track of the time. “Get your coat, and I’ll meet you by the door.” Grabbing her drink, she drained it in one gulp. “And Dawnie?” The girl stopped to face Willow, “When we’re late, I’ll tell Buffy it was all my fault.” Smiling, Dawn replied “Thanks Will. You’re a pal.”
Anya looked at Xander and winked. He winked back at her in silent conspiracy before turning back to face the group. Dawn leaned down and kissed Tara on the check before straightening, and moving toward the door. “Catch you all later.” she called before moving off.
Setting her drink down Willow turned and faced the group. “It’s been fun, guys, but I gave to get home.” She pressed down her relief at being saved from her earlier statement by a teenager’s curfew. “Xander, Anya, I’ll call you later.” Fumbling with her coat, she looked down and smiled at Tara. “I’ll call you some time.”
Xander stood, and placing a hand on her shoulder, said, “Willow, Why don’t you stay here. Dawnie will never make it home unless Anya and I drive her.”
“But…”
“No buts Willow.” Anya stood, her coat already around her shoulders. “Buffy will be angry with all of us if Dawn’s not home on time, and I’ll not have a slayer angry at me on the eve of my special day.” She was already moving to the door when she turned around and huffed, “Xander, we have seven minutes to get the teenage home. Hurry up.”
Pawing at Xander’s hand, Willow tried to understand this sudden turn of events. “But…”
“You heard the wife-to-be, Will. No buts.” Taking her coat from her, he tossed it back on the sofa and smiled. “Have fun, you two.” Bending slightly, he kissed Willow on the check, and waved goodnight to Tara before moving to the doorway.
Turing toward the door way, she watched as Xander high fived Anya and Dawn before exiting the club. “But…”
“Willow.” Tara called out, bemused at the usually verbose redhead’s loss for words. She smiled and patted the cushion next to her.
Sinking back into the sofa, Willow looked over at Tara sitting beside her. Here they were, after an evening of enjoying each other’s company. An evening of playful banter with few uncomfortable moments between them. This is what Willow dreamed of, hoped for. She was beside her; Tara hadn’t leapt at the chase to run for the hills. They were there, at the Bronze having fun. The incongruity of the situation, the sudden turn of events, struck Willow dumb. “But…”
Reaching over and taking Willow’s hand, Tara smiled. “I understand completely.” Standing up, she tightened her grip on the hand she held. “I don’t want to talk either.”
“You don’t?” Willow could not look at Tara for fear that she would see the panic that was exponentially increasing in her eyes.
“No. All talked out.” Tugging slightly she pulled Willow up to face her. “But I could use a dance before I go.” Ducking her eyes, Tara smiled shyly before continuing, “I’m a little out of practice, and with the wedding coming up, and having to dance with the best man and all, I think we could use the practice.”
Willow looked at the hand that held hers. “Dance?”
‘Yes. Let’s dance.” Without waiting for a reply, Tara led her to the floor. Turning to face her ex-girlfriend, Willow placed her hands on Tara’s hips and smiled the first real smile she had felt in months.
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Go, sadness, and tell her that it’s so hard without her.
Save a prayer for her to make her come back
for I can’t bear this suffering any longer.
No more blues.
The truth is that without her there is no peace,
there is no beauty. There is just sadness and
melancholy inside of me.
And they won’t leave me, won’t leave.
But if she comes back, if she comes back
how beautiful it would be, how crazy it would be.
For there are fewer fish, deep in the ocean
than the number of kisses I’ll give her.
I’ll take her in my arms, embrace her.
And it’ll be millions of hugs
tight like this, stuck like this, quiet like this.
Hugs and kisses and endless caresses.
And forget this nonsense of living far away from me.
Don’t even think again of living like this.
Let’s quit this nonsense of living without me.
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TARA: Willow and I always know how to find each other!
ANYA: With yoga?
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BUFFYBOT: That'll put marzipan in your pie plate, bingo!
[This message has been edited by Bobo's Mom (edited March 11, 2002).]