It's "Crap Soaps" Weekend MKF! 1/25/03

[tommo]

So, I'm sitting here trying to galvanise myself on a Saturday afternoon. And the omnibus edition of Crossroads is on. That's not the Britney film, by the way...I only wish it was. At least that involved fit blondes prancing around in their underwear. No, to my great shame, this is the second week I've sat here for around two and a half hours watching the chronic acting and plotlines so thin they'd fall down a grid if they stood sideways...

Oh wait; maybe that is the Britney movie after all...heh heh.

Sorry, back to the point.

Anyway, I have to say, there's an odd pleasure to be found in watching utter shite. For those of you who don't know, Crossroads is a tradition in the UK. It's a soap set around a motel in the midlands (oh Mrs Tardebigge, where are you now, lover) and it's always been crap. It's kind of entered the annals of tv history for being such a pile of steaming cow dung. Victoria Wood based Acorn Antiques around much of what she saw on Crossroads.

But this is its power. I mean, sometimes things are so bad that you have to watch them. I know that when I was in the US, I was amazed and addicted to the plethora of crap daytime soaps they have on over there. And they translate pretty well, too. The little soaps that aren't included in the "big hitters" in the UK all have the same type of stylised acting and pull in so-called "names" in order to get the viewers to watch. On Crossroads we're treated to the likes of Jane "Look at my cakes" Asher (and I know those US-ers who've watched French and Saunders will know who she is, heh heh); Jane Gurnett (and I swear, I saw her in the RSC some years back and worshipped her. Now? Not so much); and the lovely Sherrie Hewson.

Crossroads has been axed three times, and they still keep bringing it back to life. They call it a "new generation" but honestly, I think even the plants are dead on the show. Heh. I think the thing that made me laugh the most was the sight of Anne Robinson; Madge from Neighbours. I guess the old adage is true; you can take the actor out of a crap soap, but you can't take the crap soap out of an actor.

So, after my insanely long preamble, I was wondering, what crap soaps do you find yourself watching and can't think why, even though you never miss an episode? I was a huge fan of All My Children in the US. Love that whole glitz and glamour thing. Ooh, and Sunset Beach was one of the shittest ever imports we had from the US, but I bloody loved it.

I have this feeling that Willow might stumble into Tara's dorm room one afternoon, to find her sweetie sitting on the bed, box of tissues and chocolate at the ready, glued to the screen as she watches her fill of crap soaps. Heh. I'd love to see Willow's face as she points at the screen and then back to Tara, and to hear the kind of excuse Tara would give in order to absolve herself of any kind of interest she might have in such piss poor tv.

Have a great weekend kittens. I'm off to finish watching Crossroads now and wonder how I can get a job writing this show. Hee.

[Zippy]

I used to really love Family Affairs when it first started on Channel Five, when it was solely based around the Hart family. The acting was well, about as bad as that found on Crossroads & the storylines were a piss poor attempt to emulate Brookside.

I remember when they decided to revamp it and kill of the whole Hart family in a boat explosion. When it came back, Charnham the fictional town where it was set had moved 50miles south and was now an area of London & had suddenly sprouted a tube station.

The actress who played Melanie Hart, can now be seen in some wonderful adverts for chewing gum & deoderant.

I haven't seen Crossroads since the revamp, apparently (well according to my mother so I have no idea how true it is) a girl who I went to school with has got a role in it. The producers went scouting for local talent in Nottingham and discovered her somewhere (probably working in Hooters!)

[Still Waters Run Deep]

I confess that I am a serial Soap avoider. anything that smacks of soapytime gets my thumbs down. But if we are on the 'so-bad-it's-actually-quite-good' trip then I can safely say that much of the output of the welsh C4 [S4C] just misses falling into that category, by which I mean it's so crap that it's to be avoided at all costs.

To my dying shame I was one of those who campaigned / broke the law for a welsh channel in the late 70's early 80's and we got mostly shite.

'Noson Lawen' and 'Ma Ifan Yma' are the prime contenders. The first is a sort of Welsh Hoedown set in a barn with welsh country and western 'stars' [one of whom is a boss of mine] Bleeargh! The second is a comedian, and I use the term loosely, Welsh humour can only described as 'childlike'.

On the other hand, there was one show that I reckon you would enjoy Ruth, 'Pobl y Chuff' - the unlikely tale of a couple of welsh learners from Manchester, who spoke in a mangled welshlish, and was a hoot. Unfortunately these gems are few and far between.

[concrete]

Crap contemporary- soaps, huh? I like this topic. A lot. We get a few over here (Netherlands) mainly from the U.S.A., like As the World Turns. Which I happen to like, as implausible as many plots seem to be, Im glued to the tube & fascinated after a days work. I rewind the good old vcr and slip into a world of long lost (identical twin)siblings, people who re-appear with completely new faces (...) after a brief or long absence, people who miraculously rise from the dead and so on, and so on. But it does have enjoyable plots as well so Im still following it after many years.
A really crappy soap (IMO) we got is The Bold & the Beautiful where everybody seems to have fucked (sorry, can I say fucked No? Ok, I wont say fucked anymore) one another three times over (male/female only of course cause we dont want to upset the audience) I mean, its going round in circles, sort of. I half-followed this drivel for one (first) season and fortunately got over it completely yet every once in a while, when I am zapping, I pick up a little piece and notice there does not seem to be any progress whatsoever. Boring beyond belief! Nobody ever does a days work and still live in these enormous mansions and cant stop whining. Get a life people or get lost.....! Or both, preferrably. Hate it! Three thumbs down!
Sunset Beach. Oh yes! That was only on for like 1 or 2 seasons but fantastic in its awfullness and extremely tongue in cheeck if you ask me.
The only soap from the U.K. thats not really a soap I believe, which I am totally addicted to is EastEnders. Its not shown over here but luckily we get the BBC and I dont believe I ever missed an episode when on holiday my vcrs tape the lot and I get about 6 hours of uninterrupted bliss in one long session. (which reminds me.....nah, Im digressing) Now thats heaven, I tell ya! More....ah, yes, theres Guiding Light: tedious!
Dutch soaps are only worth watching because they all have lesbian characters/couples in them but take that away and its just the same old same old.
You know what I would really like to see again? The mother of all soaps: Peyton Place! That goes back a long while and it was on rerun many years ago, but before the vcr era. A classic .

[tommo]

Oh god Zippy...Family Affairs. Heh. And I only watched it for sexy Holly, and when she died and turned up on Casualty, I watched no more.

Still Waters...we're often treated to S4C when we go to Pentraeth. Lovely, I have to say. But isn't Pobol Y Cym like, the most popular programme in Wales?

concrete; Eastenders is quality. If you like all that kind of thing. I read once that in the US, they need subtitles to be able to understand all those "charming" accents. Believe me, we northerners need it as well. Your typical episode of Eastenders is as thus:

Phil: (enters the pub, looking grim) Woss gahn on?

Peggy: (looks grim) Phiw...Gwant....where's ma boys?

Phil: (looks grim) Mum, woss gahn on?

Mark: (enters pub, looking grim) Awight. Pahnd o' bananas. Phil. Where's Lisa?

Phil: (continues looking grim) Lisa? Mum? Mark? (pause) 'Ere, woss gahn on?

Dum dum dum dum dum dum-dum-dum-dum...

Four times a week. And omnibus on Sundays. And yet, still I continue to watch. Sigh.

[concrete]

Tommo; hahaha! Right, bruv..... Rickeyeyeyeyyyy! Ow, Arfur. Yes, I know it's not exactly the queen's english, but I can understand it alright. And I do like this sort of thing

[Still Waters Run Deep]

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isn't Pobol Y Cym like, the most popular programme in Wales?

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err yes, that's where all the money goes.

And as for Eastenders **shudder**. I lived down there when EE first started, and of course all those on Teaching Practice had to be completely up to date on the plot lines, otherwise their *streetcred* plummeted. So there was no escape, really.
It all came to a head when it was discovered that one of my hall-mates was Susan Tully's cousin, so of course she had the inside line on Dirty Den's love child, months before it was made public. Poor girl was bombarded by students wanting to know, and worse someone in her school knew who she was and there were threats made.

[WiccansIllusion]

The only soaps I ever really liked were Sisters and Beauty and the Beast.


I had a huge crush on Sela Ward....


And my name came from Brooke on All My Children.

[AlexisWillow]

I am soo embarrassed and in an ikle way proud to say that i was an Avid watcher of Neighbours! yess! it was mee who saw the likes of Todd, Josh, Charline, Brad & Beth - and Helen Robinson who seemed to live for ever! I guess i liked the way all their teeth looked nice and its miles away from London! ooh so sunny and not as depressing as eastenders.
But now,i no longer have time for Neighbours... as it seems to be elementary school for people looking to go into Singing rather than acting - Kyle, Holly Valance, Natalie Imbriglia, Jason Donovan, Craig -er- wosshisname?...
Eastenders ic cool as i get to watch the omnibus at work! (shhh don't tell anyone! ). I Caught a few eps of Sunset Beach 'cause everyone at College would be ranting on about it. I remember a ship sinking, and a plastic shark threatening to eat all the cast!

[Penrose Orleans]

Hoo, boy- if you want bad soaps, you need Univision (Spanish television in the US)- my 'favorite' (most heart-rending) was translated (by me) "Labyrinths of Passion"... oy vey. Right up there with it, though, is "The Game of Life" or, as I like to call it,

"The One About the High School Girls' Soccer Team That Has Way Too Much Money, and How Many Murderers With Fake Brain Tumors Do You Get In Varsity Athletics?"

Aaaah, the drama... -Nora

[BoredNow99]

I have to limit myself when it comes to soaps. I've got a terribly addictive personality and if I watch two episodes back-to-back I'm done for.

I've always followed EastEnders. Cos, y'know, "it's all about faaamily, innit?"

I can clearly remember being at junior school and everyone constantly talking about who knocked up Michelle while attempting to knit little woollen dolls in sewing class. Ah, those were the days.

Home and Away and Neighbours were always mainstays for me. Just thinking about Scott and Charlene's wedding and the death of Bobby brings a tear to my eye. Sniff.

But to my ultimate shame, the soap I'm most ashamed to have watched is Eldorado. You'd think the word "soap" would have some cleansing factor to it but nothing's getting rid of that stain on my character.

[tommo]

Bobby! The evil Australian dwarf woman who was always in a bad mood!

I had a crush on Carly. Even though she was an alcoholic. Still...y'know...

Oh god...did anyone see Ant and Dec audition for American Idol tonight? Sooo funny. They sung Opposites Attract. Fine tune.

[KittenPokerPlayer]

ugh. Passions has got to be the worst soap ever in my opinion. When it started Kay wanted Miguel, Theresa swore she'd get Ethan and and Gwen has Ethan and swore Theresa would never get Ethan. now several years later, Kay still wants Miguel, Theresa swears she'll get Ethan and Gwen has Ethan and swears Theresa will never get him. Its just boring. and the actors leave and are recast so many times its impossible to know whose who.

the 2nd crappiest? Port Charles. Ever since its Vampire and Slayers storyline its gotten to be like a Buffy worst case scenario. Minus cute little Willow of course.

General Hospital is somewhat interesting. Some good actors have gotten their start on that show, including Emma Caulfield.

~Erica

[gspiggott]

I watched AMC for a while. How can you not love the Pennsylvania town with a beach and a lake where all the inhabitants run magazines or are fashion designer supermodels?Not a steelworker in sight . The great thing about soaps is that you can go back to them years later and nothing's really that different.

[dulcinea]

I watched what could be considered an unhealthy amount of Australian soaps in my youth - The young doctors, Sons & Daughters, Home and Away, and, my favourite at the time- Neighbours.

but, the only soap I still watch regularly-(although I find myself drawn to Days of our Lives, and Emmerdale when I'm home during the day) is NZ's own Shortland Street. From the famous line, "you're not in Guatemala now, Dr Ropata" I was hooked. With storylines ranging from psycho psychiatrists trying to burn down the hospital, to Caroline falling in love with her bridesmaid, I'm addicted. And it adds a new dimension to watching the Lord of the Rings movies - "spot the ex-shortland St actor" - most notable, Karl Urban - otherwise known as "wasn't he the ambulance officer who was Rachel's brothers' boyfriend?"

[Puff]

Home and Away, Neighbours, The Flying Doctors, Dynasty, Dallas and um *blush* does Baywatch count?
I used to like Byker Grove as well, the accents were funny and it was on before Neighbours.

[Zippy]

Byker Grove, Why aye man!

God I remember that. Many of the actors & actresses from the show now work in various fast food restaurants in the Metro Center, Gateshead.

An old uni mate of mine's claim to fame is that he has shagged Spuggie, (the one with long ginger hair). He met her during a nightout at the Tuxedo Royal nightclub. Classy venue. I think I spent most that evening trying to get off the revolving dance floor.

[Still Waters Run Deep]

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This is a local shop for local people

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Heh Zippy I love your sig line.

I wonder what our american cousins make of the 'League of Gentlemen' or for that matter 'Shooting Stars'. Most I have talked to seem a little bemused, and they are the sort I fully expected to enjoy them.

[Chino6069]

LOL Tommo you've had the pair of us in tears here we were laughing so much at your eastenders skit!

All these Brits here and I don't think I've seen one mention of Corrie! GASP! No comments about Richard Hillmans killer acting ability, how Miss Emily was bludgeoned within an inch of her life and came home in a week with not even a plaster on her head! Why does Deirdre stay with Ken? why does Ken stay with Deirdre? Why don't they all get on a bus to Blackpool and catch a tram! The show we all love to hate, and watch it every time it's on... just like Enders! (plus I'm a huge Kat fan!)

OHH KARL URBAN is known world wide not for so much for Shortland Street ( and I'd have loved for that to have been on in Glasgow, I've heard so much about it) he's more famous for being Ceasar/Cupid/ and a few other characters in Xena: Warrior Princess There were quite a few folks from Xena who appeared in LOTRs/ Two Towers.

Ohh and the latest to join 'Neighbours' is the wee lassie who played Akimi in the season finale eps of Xena

Happy viewing all

[willowtarafan18]

Okay so when I was younger I was addicted to watching All My Children and many other soaps. My mom was addicted to them before I was born and somehow I ended up growing up on them basically. It just made me wonder as a kid...how can a kid be born one week and turn five like a month later? It always sorta boggled my mind My mom used to tape like five different soaps when I was younger and watch them all as I sat there boggled by all the stupid plot lines. I kinda am greatful for those years my mom was addicted to them because now I don't watch the shit and laugh at my friends who do. Passions is a really big popular show that I think is pure crap. All my friends at college think it's this wonderful show and they talk about it over lunch...I never seem to be able to finish my lunch once the "Passions" talk start. I could write better plot lines when I was four and didn't even know how to write! But I must admit once in awhile I do love to go back and watch AMC. I love how nothing seems to change after years and years of not watching it's so predictable sometimes you just have to laugh. Well I think that about covers it for my view on the shitting soaps here in the U.S.


Shelly

[VampNo12]

Must admit I love my soaps! Been an avid viewer of Days of Our Lives and General Hospital for quite some time. However, there are times the story-lines get so far-fetched/etc that I lose interest for a time. This was the case with Days with the story-line of Marlena being possessed by the devil, with Father John , who at one time was married to her and presently her current husband, (it's a long convoluted story), performing an exorcism on her. I mean seeing this type of story on a soap such as Days, seemed quite bizarre.

General Hospital also has it's moments with the soap being over-run with the mob (ie this isn't the Sopranos folks).

Also enjoyed Eastenders, which I found on PBS and BBC America. I found myself fascinated by the Binnie/Della story-line, and admit I kinda liked the Mitchell family (especially the whole Sharon torn between two brothers plot).

[Rosenberg]

Its been eons since Ive watched a daytime soap opera, but there are a couple of people in my department at work who are such avid fans that they tape them and watch them when they get home at night. When I used to work at the store, during afternoon break, General Hospital would always be on in the lounge and heaven help the person who talked loudly enough to distract the women watching it. I remember what a huge commotion ensued when Luke raped Laura; it was the topic of conversation for days.

When I was in junior high and able to watch TV in the afternoon, Dark Shadows was the soap of choice for my sister and me. As a matter of fact, my sister named her dog Barnabas after Barnabas Collins. During summer vacation I also got wrapped up in The Secret Storm and The Edge of Night. Father Redden, a Catholic priest, was having an affair with the leading lady on the Secret Storm and when my Mother heard that, she forbade me to watch it.

[maudmac]

First off, bless you Ruth for this thread. I'm profoundly passionate about a certain crappy soap.

Speaking of which...

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ugh. Passions has got to be the worst soap ever in my opinion. When it started Kay wanted Miguel, Theresa swore she'd get Ethan and and Gwen has Ethan and swore Theresa would never get Ethan. now several years later, Kay still wants Miguel, Theresa swears she'll get Ethan and Gwen has Ethan and swears Theresa will never get him. Its just boring. and the actors leave and are recast so many times its impossible to know whose who.

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[/quote:5e276dbd03]

KittenPokerPlayer, that is exactly what is wrong with Passions, I think. Well, one of the things that's wrong, anyway. The fact that the storyline doesn't really move forward at all. It looks like it's about to move forward a little...it's inching forward the tiniest bit...then BAM, it goes right back to where it was two or more years ago. It's pissing the fandom off to no end.

It also doesn't help that what I found so attractive about Passions, it's over-the-top camp quality and it's tongue-in-cheek tone, is all but gone now. I think JER thought the witches (I miss Hecuba!), demons, zombies (GhostZombieSuccubusCharity was my second favorite character), living dolls (Connie? She can never replace Timmy) and such were driving away the folks who prefer more traditional soapy stuff.

I know people who just wanted more Shuis drama (as if we haven't had enough of that ) or whatever were turned off by things like the portal to hell in Charity's closet and the Bennett's house getting sucked into hell, but that's what I loved most about Passions - that it wasn't like other soaps at all.

If I just wanted so see love triangles (or rectangles), I could watch pretty much any other soap.

So Passions has a problem. It's fandom is in two camps and it's going to be pretty much impossible to please us both.

About the recasting, can I just say that I miss ChadClassic soooo much. NewChad is made of plastic, I'm pretty sure. I do actually prefer NewEthan, though. Hate OriginalGwen with a passion. I loved Natalie Zea. I hated NewSimone at first, but she's grown on me.

You know who I miss? I miss Norma. She was great. Most of all, though, I miss Timmy. A lot. Passions hasn't been the same without him. RIP, Josh.

[xita]

The summer between Middle school and High school i had the biggest break. I went from a year round school to a traditional schedule school , I ended up with 5 months off. There was a period during the day between the game shows and the talk shows (back then it was really just oprah and phil donahue. Anyway, I had 2 hours to kill and I had no cable back then. So I watched As the World Turns and Another World. I really enjoyed As the World Turns and in retrospect I guess I was a holden/lily shipper . All I remember now mostly was the actress that played Frannie was replaced by Julianne Moore, I really didn't like her for replacing someone I liked lol. I love her now though, I thought this girl can't even replace someone in a soap what hope does she have to succeed . This was 1986 btw and Anne Heche was playing twins on Another World lol. Oh I didn't like her then and .. ooh I don't like her now either :roll or celestia or whoever she is.

[tommo]

Fresno!

[oneyedchicklet]

Good Morning All,

I haven't been watching soaps too much lately because of my work schedule but I've always watched All My Children and One Life to Live. OLTL, always added a little change now and then like when they went back to 1890. My favorite characters were Megan and Jake. And I'll admit that I cried like a baby when she died. My mom would watch the same soaps too so we'd tape them and watch them after dinner. My ex husband and my dad would be pretending to take a nap but its funnny how my mom or me would make a quote and one of them would correct us.

On another note...Its Super Bowl Sunday. I'd have to say that I'm going with Tampa Bay because they've never made it this far and I've never been a big Oakland fan. When I turn on the game later and the Pre Game show is on and I hear one sports commentator say anything remotely resembling "Its a Cinderella Story for the Tampa Bay Bucaneers", I swear I'll watch the whole game without sound.
So, go BUCS!!!!

Have a great day everyone.

Love to All,
Barb

[SJ]

Avid viewer of most of the Brit soaps.Can't believe Emily didn't recognise Charity in that photo,only makes sense if you watch Emmerdale.
Shortland Street is great. Been watching that for a few years. Remember the Caroline/Laura storyline well.

[Zippy]

Hello Kittens

Well I hope you are all having a nice weekend. A while ago I found this website after hearing about on a radio show and I thought some of you might like it.

Cyber Weddings

Earlier today, thanks to the wonders of this site I married Kylie look I have the certificate to proof it. Here

[tommo]

Ah Zippy; congrats to you both; the happy couple. And damn you! *shakes fist like a Victorian villain* Kylie! My heart will never recover. Well, not for a bit anyway, heh heh...

[Bookcat]

We don't get subtitles on Eastenders. It would help though.
(I don't watch it, but my mom does).

I was addicted to a soap opera for kids for a while. It was made in Britain and called 24seven, about a boarding school, and for some reason they showed it here in the US. So I got a half hour every week of yelling at the television about the stupidity of the characters. But they cancelled it. I was crushed.