Ridiculous Conversations

[Finey_McFine]

Yesterday I had knee surgery, just arthroscopic no big, but I was out of it when I got home and a little nauseous. I asked my wife to make me some cinnamon toast and this is what happened next. Please keep in mind that I have mentioned before how domestically challenged she is....

ME: I feel sick to my stomach, can you make me some cinnamon toast?
WIFE: Sure baby, whatever you need.
*A few minutes later*
WIFE: Here you go sweetie! (She was so proud to have made the toast)
ME: *After taking a bite* Uhhh...what the frilly heck is this?
WIFE: Cinnamon toast.
ME: Made with ground cinnamon?
WIFE: Is there any other kind?
ME: Yeeees, here you taste it.
WIFE: Oh, kinda tastes like bitter sand.
ME: Um hmm, can you remake it and use the cinnamon sugar?
WIFE: We have that? I told you, I can't cook.
ME: Honey, it's toast.
WIFE: If it's in the kitchen, it's cooking.
ME: Then bring the toaster out here instead.
WIFE: Even drugged you're a smart ass.

*Twenty minutes later when my kid gets home from school*
J: Hi Mom, how are you feeling?
ME: Oh thank God you're home!!
J: Why? What happened?!
ME: Mommy made me cinnamon toast...with ground cinnamon.
J: OH MY GOD MOMMY! Are you trying to kill her? You're supposed to use the cinnamon SUGAR!!! Otherwise it tastes like dirt.
WIFE: Again, I told you I can't cook.
J: Making toast is NOT cooking. *Rolls eyes* It's ok, I'LL make dinner and Mommy, for the love of puppies please, stay OUT of the kitchen.

[wimpy0729]

That one reminded me of something that happened between me and my gf a couple of years ago. Due to an old head injury, I have seizures usually every two or three years. They can be triggered by something like lack of sleep or severe pain. I had been going on about three hours sleep a night for a few weeks when I started a new job. I felt one coming on, and just felt sick all over. Granted, I will cut her some slack because dealing with seizures can be upsetting.

Me: Get me a wet rag.
Her: Hot or cold?

I only have a few seconds from the time I feel them coming on before I'm out, so I managed to say "cold" and then I was gone. I don't even think she had time to get the rag. When I came around and felt better, as nicely as I could because she does take good care of me, I said, "Seriously? When someone is feeling sick, would they really want a 'hot' rag?" Like I said, she was upset, but at least now she knows that when I say I need a wet rag, it means a COLD wet rag.

[leos_pride]

@Shelby
Thank you this made laugh so hard! "For the love of puppies, stay out of the kitchen!" Classic!

[Finey_McFine]

@wimpy0729..."I feel faint. Quick, bring me a hot rag!" "I just fell and hit my head. Oh sorry, let me get you a hot rag." "Let me feel you're forehead. Damn, you're burning up, let's get you a nice hot rag." I could go on.... Sadly, that is SO something my wife would do, lol.

[Finey_McFine]

I seem to be full of the ridiculous this week.

My daughter had to sign up for HS freshman electives...

ME: So did you decide to do Flag Corps?
J: I was thinking about it and it looked like it would be fun, but I changed my mind.
ME: Oh?
J: Yeah, turns out you were right, it's a lot of time and effort after school. Plus, you have to learn to dance and I don't wanna get trapped with the skinny mini's.
ME: So, what did you decide?
J: I signed up for Athletic Trainer. It takes care of my PE credit and I get to wrap swollen ankles and stuff.
ME: And hang out with sweaty boys.
J: *sighs & whines* Moooom!
ME: What else did you sign up for?
J: All AP and Pre-AP required classes, orchestra and theater.
ME: That's a lot, I hope you plan on studying your ass off.
J: I have been focused on high school since I was little. These are going to be the best and funnest days of my life if it's the last thing I do! I'm going to have fun and get straight A's, go to Rice University and graduate with honors!
ME: Rice huh? With a degree in what?
J: I don't know, but the campus is pretty and it's my favorite food.

[wimpy0729]

Oh, Shelby, LMAO x10

[JustSkipIt]

Shelby - Stay out of the kitchen! Jesus. What 40 year old can't make fucking cinnamon toast?

[Laragh]

I only have a few seconds from the time I feel them coming on before I'm out, so I managed to say "cold" and then I was gone. I don't even think she had time to get the rag. When I came around and felt better, as nicely as I could because she does take good care of me, I said, "Seriously? When someone is feeling sick, would they really want a 'hot' rag?" Like I said, she was upset, but at least now she knows that when I say I need a wet rag, it means a COLD wet rag.

I really wish I could remember more, but I definitely had a dream last night where there was a debate between the benefits of hot and cold rags. Inexplicably, hot won.

[Finey_McFine]

Deb- Apparently mine, lol. Well, even though she sucks in the kitchen, she sure can build things. She built an awesome 6' cat tower form scrap wood in the garage and yesterday she rebuilt the fence gate. However, her toast is still lacking.

This is completely OT, but once when we lived in Vegas about 18 years ago, I was working late and she decided to cook and bring me dinner. To this day, I still feel like it was the worst meal I've ever eaten, lol. But I did eat it and to this day, I have never told her how much it sucked. Now that's love!

[Pavlov'sBell]

This one happens to me quite a bit.

*Top layer of cheese on pizza is black/brownish in color*
*Friend: What's wrong, don't you like it?*
*Me: It's burnt.*
*Friend: No it's not, if it were burnt, it would be black*
*Me: IT IS BLACK!"

[T.G.I.F.]

I can't blame anyone for making burnt pizzas. It's hard when you own an oven that isn't functioning right. One minute it isn't done yet and the cheese didn't melt yet and when you look at it again a minute later it's burnt.

[Pavlov'sBell]

I can't blame anyone for making burnt pizzas. It's hard when you own an oven that isn't functioning right. One minute it isn't done yet and the cheese didn't melt yet and when you look at it again a minute later it's burnt.

I don't blame anyone, but it is a tad bit annoying. That's why when I'm making them, I'm checking the oven every two or three minutes

[T.G.I.F.]

Even 2 or three minutes can be crucial, especially with a four cheeses pizza :(

[Pavlov'sBell]

Even 2 or three minutes can be crucial, especially with a four cheeses pizza :(

Agreed. Pizza is a delicate thing

[wimpy0729]

I only have a few seconds from the time I feel them coming on before I'm out, so I managed to say "cold" and then I was gone. I don't even think she had time to get the rag. When I came around and felt better, as nicely as I could because she does take good care of me, I said, "Seriously? When someone is feeling sick, would they really want a 'hot' rag?" Like I said, she was upset, but at least now she knows that when I say I need a wet rag, it means a COLD wet rag.

I really wish I could remember more, but I definitely had a dream last night where there was a debate between the benefits of hot and cold rags. Inexplicably, hot won.

Oh, Laragh, you're dreaming about wet rags? I wonder what Freud would say about that. LOL I know where my mind goes, but you know, I'm a little bit of a gutter brain.

[wimpy0729]

I just have to share this one. Last night I was in bed and my gf was in the living room watching the Grammy's and she yells out

Her: Hey, there's Ellen and Portia
Me: Really? What channel.
Her: Oh never mind...it's Ellen and Beyonce

I was already laughing, but gave her the benefit of the doubt.

Me: Honey, do you have your glasses on and was it a far-away shot of them?
Her: No, they're on stage and it's a close up.

I thought I was going to pee myself laughing. God love her...

[JustSkipIt]

So my wife is sort of minimally supportive of my exercising. Sort of "you should do that!" "As long as it doesn't interfere in my life at all!" It's much better than it used to be but still I try not to push it. Last year I started working 6:30 - 4:00 with long lunches in the "Winter" to avoid running in the dark and "cold". The HM training plan I followed this year had me run T-W-Th and in the past when I've had 6:30 days I only had 2. Boy did 3 make a difference in exhaustion. So the other day I switched it so I only go in at 6:30 on T-Th. So I was texting with my wife and I tell her

"I changed my schedule so I'm 6:30 on T/Th and 7:30 on MWF again."
My wife: "I don't know why you ever go in at 6:30."

I didn't even respond.

[sandbarDragon]

This is an awesome thread. I've been reading for several minutes laughing my ass off and probably waking up neighbors.

So check this. I was dating this girl in high school and we're both redheads, but we don't look similar at all and her hair is several shades darker than mine. So she goes to the bathroom and this dude comes up to me:

Dude: Yo, your sister is FINE!
Me: Dude, she's not my sister...she's my girlfriend.
Dude: But...you both have red hair.....
Me: Uh huh...::points to random guy:: and that guy over there is black, [so are you,] are you two related?
Dude: That's my cousin, ::insert name::
Me: ....Fuck...


And this one actually happened today (or technically yesterday, but I've been up all night so to me it's still today. [Edit: I just looked at the time stamp and realized it's totally 10:30 in the morning...it feels like 5...]) My best friend just moved back to LA from Wisconsin and we're both moving into the apt. We have our main entertainment set up, and another friend comes over. My best friend is totally down for Buffy (our Buffy Drinking Game is a weekly routine, same state or not,) but he thinks he has to put up this big anti-Buffy front...even when the other friend in question is a total fantasy-loving fruit.

Best Friend: I can't believe I'm sitting in my house and THAT is on top of the TV.
Me: What?
Best Friend: Buffy box set...
Me: Shut up!
Other Friend: Buffy was a great show!
Me: Thank you!
Best Friend: ::Pointing at me:: He doesn't give a shit about the show!
Me: It's true. I only watch it for Willow and Tara.
Best Friend: He's obsessed.
::Uncomfortable Silence::
Me: They're just so cute! ...They're like a giant box of puppies!



This one followed shortly after other friend left:

Best Friend: No dogs in the building.
Me: Aw.. But cats are ok?
Best Friend: Cats are ok.
Me: So we get a kitty.
Best Friend: Or two.
Me: And we will name them Willow and Tara!
Best Friend: We talked about this...
Me: I know, I'm kidding. Commodore Fluffypaws is a perfectly acceptable name.
Best Friend: And Mr. Whiskers.
Me: Seriously? That's so generic.
Best Friend: Yea, you're right.
::Long Silence::
Best Friend: Miss Kitty Fantastico?
Me: Deal.

Lol, we're totally not using any of those names, just for the record.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

This wasn't exactly a conversation, but it definitely qualifies as ridiculous. This occurred early last summer, when my ex and I were just starting to get serious (as in, we'd said 'I love you' but not talked about anything long-term like marriage or kids). It should be noted that Romanadvoratnelundar (aka Romana) is the name of a Companion on Doctor Who.


One night, I posted the following comment on a thread You know you're a Whovian (Doctor Who fan) when...: "When you spend 10 minutes on the phone with your best friend trying to convince her that Romanadvoratnelundar would be an awesome name for your future daughter."
About 5 minutes later, I got the following message from my girlfriend: "You want to name our daughter Romanadvoratnelundar too???!?!?!?!???????"

[Finey_McFine]

My daughter fell asleep on the couch tonight and just sat up and started talking to me as if we were in the middle of a conversation. Nothing about frogs or warning tadpoles, but adorable just the same.

J: Mom, do you think I should head over there?
ME: OK
J: No, I mean I need to.
ME: Well, if you need to...go ahead.
J: Even if it's over there? Are you sure it's ok?
ME: Sweetie, you're asleep. You fell asleep on the couch.
J: *Sits up, runs her hands all over her face to check and looks perplexed* No I'm not, it's the wind.
ME: Must be a strong wind.
J: It is and the other thing too before it goes.
ME: *LMAO*

[Laragh]

My daughter fell asleep on the couch tonight and just sat up and started talking to me as if we were in the middle of a conversation. Nothing about frogs or warning tadpoles, but adorable just the same.

J: Mom, do you think I should head over there?
ME: OK
J: No, I mean I need to.
ME: Well, if you need to...go ahead.
J: Even if it's over there? Are you sure it's ok?
ME: Sweetie, your asleep. You fell asleep on the couch.
J: *Sits up, runs her hands all over her face to check and looks perplexed* No I'm not, it's the wind.
ME: Must be a strong wind.
J: It is and the other thing too before it goes.
ME: *LMAO*

Oh Jordz

[Finey_McFine]

From the mind of my 13 yr old daughter...more amusing than ridiculous.

At dinner with my best friend last week:

J: Aunt C, if you've been in town since Tuesday, how come we're just seeing you today? (Friday)
C: Because they've had me in meetings from 7:30am until 10:00pm everyday and I was exhausted.
J: Oh, well...who do you work for?
C: Criminals.
J: You work for lawyers?

*For the record, she doesn't work for either. She works for a huge national corporation that manages medical practices. OK, criminals.


J picked Athletic Trainer as her PE for next year (freshman yr) and they had orientation over at the HS earlier this week. Warning total nerd-gasm and monumental babble ahead. She could give Willow a run for her money...

ME: How was orientation?
J: Really cool, I think I'm gonna love it!
ME: Well, you do get to hang out with sweaty boys.
J: Moooooom!
ME: Ok, ok just joking anyway, you think you'll do ok?
J: Yeah, but it starts in August.
ME: Yep, that's when they start football practice.
J: Oh Mom, guess what? That wasn't even the best part.
ME: Okaaaaay.....
J: When I got to the school, Mommy dropped me off in front but the door was locked and I knocked and this girl came up and let me in. I asked if she was there for dance or something, because she looked like a dancer and she said no. Then I asked why was she there and she said, 'I WAS IN THE LIBRARY!' Can you believe that? Mom, she was in the L-I-B-R-A-R-Y. AFTER SCHOOL!!! Isn't that AWESOME?! She said they let you stay as long as you want! Oh my God I was in HEAVEN! I mean, can you believe they let you stay and read and study and they don't close it and kick you out???!!!! I feel like the luckiest person in the world. I can just go there after and hang oout and read and do homework and all that fun stuff!!!

It was a miracle she didn't pass out. And BTW...so not me or my wife. At 2:25pm, I was out of there so fast...you could see flames behind me!

[Pavlov'sBell]

*Me listening to Ipod*

Friend: What are you listening to?
Me: U2
Friend:...There's a band named after a spyplane?
Me: No, they're not named after that.
Friend: But there is a plane named that, right?
Me:...Yes
Friend: And it has nothing to do with the band?
Me:...No

[Laragh]

I meant to post this back when I went to Houston but I forgot.

This was at the customs desk.

Him: When are you returning to Ireland?
Me: Thursday
Him: What is your purpose for visiting the US?
Me: Um, meeting friends.
Him *looking at my passport*: And in March 2012?
Me (getting nervous, I wasn't grilled at all the year before): M-meeting friends
Him: Where did you meet your friends?
Me: ...the internet.
Him: Have you spoken to them on camera?
Me: Sure
Him: Male or female?
Me: Female
Him: What age?
Me: Um, 25
Him: Where do they live?
Me: Houston
Him: What do they do?
Me: Uh, teacher
Him: What grade?
Me: ...third?
Him: You need to be careful, there's some weirdos on the internet. You should never meet people off the internet.
Me: Oh, we're all meeting at an event, so it's public and everything.
Him: *nods*
Him: *confirms my customs card and hands it all back to me*
Him: I met my wife on the internet. Have a nice trip to the US. Exit to your left.
Me:

[Finey_McFine]

Ok, so this might end up as more of a rant than a ridiculous conversation, but I think they go hand in hand. It's actually two conversations based on the same thing: My claim that the two women in my life don't really listen to me.


ME: Hey, did you have a good nap?
WIFE: Yep, what did you do while I was sleeping?
ME: I attempted to vacuum the pool, but since the stupid Polaris hasn't been working properly, all I did was stir up a lot of sand and now the filter needs to be backwashed again.
WIFE: There's no sand in the pool and didn't we just backwash last week?
ME: *sighs because I knew where this was going* The Polaris has beed fucked up all winter and not picking up the-
WIFE: *not really listening, interrupts me mid sentence* It was clear this morning, I don't think you had the vacuum connected the right way and obviously you didn't clean out the secondary filters. I mean, if you had it connected right it should have sucked up the debris.
ME: *immediately going on the defense* I'm not an idiot! I know how to connect the vacuum and clean the filters and the skimmers, I've been cleaning the fucking pool for the last 14 years.
WIFE: Well, if you did it right, it wouldn't be that cloudy.
ME: *attempting to remain calm as my blood pressure rises* Please STOP talking and actually listen to what I am saying, because you're not getting the point. As usual, you're stuck on one word and have not heard ANYTHING else I said or am trying to say.
WIFE: I am listening, but you're not making any sense.
ME: It would make sense if you let me finish a sentence without talking over me or interrupting every 2 seconds.
WIFE: Well, you're babbling.
ME: I'm not babbling. You asked me a question and I'm trying to explain.
WIFE: Well, you need to get to the point.
ME: I'M TRYING, but you're not listening! Just like this morning with that video.
WIFE: *shrugs shoulders*
ME: Exactly! That's why I wish I could record our conversations! At lease I was able to rewind the video and prove you were wrong and why? BEACUSE YOU WEREN'T LISTENING!!!
WIFE: *shrugs shoulders* I still don't think we have sand in the pool.

OMFG!!!!!

So, that put me in a mood and I come inside to find my daughter baking some sort of oatmeal chocolate chip cookie. She'd been home from school all of 30 minutes and had somehow managed to completely destroy the kitchen.

J: I'm going next door, ok?
ME: Um, I don't think so, not until you clean up this mess. I spent 2 hours in here this morning and now you can't even tell.
J: *moves some things around and throws the dirty dishes in the sink without rinsing* I'm done, I'm going now.
ME: Are you kidding me? Rinse everything off, unload the dishwasher, reload it, wipe down the counters and clean the cookie sheet. Then you have a few other things to do before you go.
J: *sighs* I can't get it off, it's baked on.
ME: Well, if you used the parchment paper, like I've asked you to do about a million times, you wouldn't have that problem. Do you not listen to anything I say to you?
J: *shrugs shoulders* I didn't hear you say that this time.
ME: Why should I have to constantly repeat myself? You need to listen the first hundred times. Just like how I asked you about 20x over the weekend to do your laundry and clean the rest of your clothes off the table in the laundry room.
J: I DID CLEAN MY CLOTHES UP! Those aren't mine!!
ME: I don't wear pink and neither does Mommy.
J: Well, my stuff is upstairs, those aren't mine.
ME: Alright, if I go in there and find ANYTHING that's yours, you're grounded for a week.
J: Well, there might be a few things that are mine, I can't control the world, you know.
ME: Well, luckily you don't have to, all you have to control is your laundry. Some of which, by the way, is still in the washer. I thought I asked you to take care of that yesterday.
J: Well, you never said to put it in the dryer...

Again I say...OMFG!!!

[Finey_McFine]

.

[Dennio]

Not really ridiculous I guess, but kinda funny conversation I had with my mom while studying for French.

My Mom: *She reads the words un jeu d'ordinateur in the French textbook* Oh a computer game!
Me: *starts to spell it because I have a French quiz tomorrow* U N...
My Mom: I won?
Me: What? No. *starts laughing* U N.
My Mom: Oh, I thought I won.
Me: Won what? How the heck do you get "I won" from U N?
My Mom: I don't know, I just thought I won.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

Me: I want another tattoo... Maybe it's time to get "Braveheart Tegan"!
Best friend: Or you could get one that's not related to Doctor Who
Me: But I can't think of any Buffy tattoos!

[T.G.I.F.]

My girlfriend and I were smoking a cigarette on the balcony of my apartment when this happened.

GF: What are you thinking about?
Me: Well, since you are doing schoolwork I was thinking about watching something until you are ready, but I can't decide what to watch.
GF: What are your choices?
Me: Doctor Who or Buffy..
GF: *Laughs* Haha, geek..
Me: And you love it!
GF: *smiles and nods* I would go for Duffy.
Me: It's Buffy.
GF: What does Duffy do, isn't it something with vampires?
Me: It's Buffy and yes, it has vampires.
GF: And you are the one that says that Twilight is unrealistic.
Me: I never said that buffy is realistic, but it's not all vampire stuff, it also treats a lot of serious aspects of life. Like homosexuality and real people dying.
GF: Did Duffy kill them? The real people?
Me: No! It is Buffy and she doesn't kill people. She kills vampires and demons.
GF: So, Duffy is like the good girl?
Me: Yes, BUFFY is the hero, and Joss (the maker) wanted something different, so he decided to make the blonde not the the victim this time, but make her the hero.
GF: So, in stead of the blonde getting killed by the monsters, she gets to kill them?
Me: Yes.
GF: Hmmm, I still think Twilight is a better story.
Me: They have vampires that sparkle! And Bella is a stupid girl that depends too much on her boyfriend.
GF: No, she doesn't.
Me: When he leaves her she does nothing. She doesn't fight for him, she's just lying in her room, all alone, crying for three months, and then kisses the first werewolf that comes along.
GF: Okay, true. But Edward is such a pure character, he loves Bella so much and he does everything for her.
Me: And that is stupid of him, she fucks everything up, cheats on him and starts crying and whining when he leaves when she doesn't even know if she loves him or Jake.
GF: But HE loves here unconditionally, and I think that I recognize myself in that. Plus he is cute, Edward.
Me: You're insane, I still love you anyway, but this is a discussion that will never end.
GF: Hahaha, I am going to continue my schoolwork, you go watch your Buffy.. *winks*
Me: It's Bu... Ehm thanks.

I think we have a serious problem with my girlfriend on team Edward and myself on team Buffy.

[Finey_McFine]

My daughter playing Song Pop on my iPad...

J: HA! I got that one right and I've never even heard of that show before.
WIFE: Was that the theme from Gun Smoke?
J: No, some show called Bonzaia
WIFE: Bonzaia!? (Both of us are rofl at this point)
J: Yes, BONZAIA! Was that a show when you guys were kids?
WIFE: No, but there was a show called BONANZA!