A Moment of Truth

[sweet satin lover]

I don't get it but that's OK. I have to put my best foot forward and focus on the good. Plus I'm really really hungry for some reason even if it's a quarter past one in the morning here.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

Under the right circumstances, I think I could have really liked math. I always sort of had an 'ewwww math' attitude, but I actually really enjoy simple arithmetic, and there's something comforting in having a concrete answer to a problem.

[sweet satin lover]

I easily have about three hundred books or more to read that I haven't yet. I have read eight books this year I'd better get cracking.

[Laragh]

I need more hobbies.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

My move is coming together - I have an apartment pending income approval; my Oregon nursing license finally came through; I have a job pending background check, drug screening, etc., and I think I've *finally* gotten them all the documentation they need; and I finally settled on my moving by car instead of flying - but some moments it still seems horribly overwhelming. There are moments where I doubt whether I'm even capable of this. The closer it gets it feels like the fear and anxiety are outweighing the excitement. I know this is what I'm doing, I know it's happening, I know within the month I will be living on the other side of the country. But sometimes I'm not sure this is really what I want.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

I miss working with kids so much it physically hurts. And I can't afford to go back to it if I ever want to have a kid of my own.

It sucks. I hate it.

I've known this for years; it's why I went to Nursing school in the first place. But it doesn't get easier.

Having to choose between the career I loved beyond measure, and the one thing I want most in this world... It's not right. I know the world isn't fair and I know so many people have so much worse choices they have to make, but damn it, I shouldn't have to choose. I should be able to be a daycare teacher *and* earn enough to afford to have a kid of my own.

I did the math tonight - for about the millionth time - and where I live now I would have to earn $12/hour and get a 50% discount on daycare to be able to stretch my savings for the 5 years before a kid would start school. If I did one shift a month at the hospital, I'd have money for emergencies and maybe 1 trip home a year.
Where I'm moving to, I would have to make $19/hour and a 50% discount. If I moved home, I could probably get by on $16-17/hour and a 50% discount.
The most I ever made working at a daycare was $9/hour. One place in Austin pays their leads around $15/hour, so *almost* my minimum, but I would be way underqualified. It shouldn't be impossible.

I hate this. I hate working a career that's perfectly fine when I know how much happier I can be.

I miss going to my classroom everyday. I miss my babies smiling at me, my toddlers coming to give me hugs when I walk in. I miss circle time and playing in the sandbox and dancing and changing diapers and rocking little ones to sleep. I miss that warm feeling when I comfort a kiddo who's sad. I miss watching my babies learn, even seeing the tiny pieces they pick up from me.

[sweet satin lover]

Can't believe the tragedy of Manchester today it genuinely makes me feel sick but I am happy to announce the birth of my newest niece today. I can't wait to meet her ♥

[Ariel]

My realization is how much the world has changed. Mass murder is almost common now; it happens so often. My childhood had none of that. Closest I came to something traumatic was coming home from Kindergarten and seeing my Mom crying in front of the TV because President JFK had been shot. On the flip side, I see junior high school girls falling in love with each other in the Bay Area and it's okay, accepted. My highschool time was so damn lonely, always falling in love with my best (straight) friends. Glad some things have changed.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

Calling my dad always feels like a chore (and especially on a day when I feel obligated like Father's Day). He's not a bad guy or a bad dad, but we're not close and I never know what to say. And then I feel guilty for not being closer to him or putting in more of an effort.

[Laragh]

I recently got a six foot phone cable so it would stretch from the wall socket to my bed.

I can now move around on either side of the bed and still be able to use my phone while it's plugged in and that is literally the most exciting thing to happen in my bedroom in a while.

[Finey_McFine]

I fixed the pond pump at my studio today. People, I fixed a mechanical device. I took shit apart, put it back together and it actually worked! I had no idea wtf I was doing, but I'm so proud of myself right now. Usually, when I take stuff like that apart...it NEVER runs again (RIP numerous lawnmower engines), but the pump is working!


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[CrazyTaraWitch]

I hate it when people misgender my girlfriend - which was so many times today. She hates it and I wish so desperately I knew a way to help. And this morning when she thought she was going to have to use a public restroom she considered using the men's because she thought she'd stand out less. I know how scary it is for her to present overtly feminine (though she was incredibly brave this weekend and wore a dress for the first time), but when she doesn't people usually think she's a guy and most of the time she just goes with it even though it makes her miserable. I know she has to take it at her own speed, and I can't possibly understand 90% of what she's going through, but part of me wishes she wouldn't make concessions like using the men's room or buying dude clothes - and then I feel incredibly selfish for feeling that way, because this is her journey and it really doesn't matter what I think she should do. Mostly though, I just wish people could look at her and see her how she is. That she could be treated as a woman, period. I wish the world could be easier (and kinder) for all trans ladies. And I am not great at handling my feelings when it isn't.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

I'm going insane and thinking semi-seriously about trying to buy a house when my lease is up in a few months. The problem is, I would want to buy it with my girlfriend and she is... not prepared for that. It's something we talk about for someday, but there's no way she'd be ready that soon.
I'd be fine with making the downpayment myself, but she wouldn't be comfortable with that; I doubt she'd ever feel like the place was equally ours if I was the one putting the initial money in. She has $2,000 in the bank and that only cause she just got paid; she has significant student loans, and currently has a few hundred dollars on credit cards from a trip. We make the same money, but she is... not financially responsible. She keeps up with bills and always makes sure she has money for what she needs, but whatever she doesn't require for necessities she spends frivolously. Her only actual savings are in her retirement account. Since our finances are totally separate I don't really mind at this point, but I know it's going to make building a life with her extremely difficult. She's convinced that because we both make decent money, we'll just always be fine.

I'd like to help her come up with a financial plan, but I feel like it's probably way overstepping to even suggest it. But damn, I would really like her to actually save money so that *someday* she could split a downpayment with me - or even just go on a fancy trip without putting it all on credit cards, or afford the slightly-absurd wedding that she eventually wants. (Hell, I'd like her to at least have a safety net beyond her retirement; I've never understood how anyone could stand to live paycheck to paycheck when they have a choice. I am waaay too anxious to not have something to fall back on.)

I want to start my grown-up, settled, permanent life, and I want to start it with her. Buying a house was never step 1 on the list for me, but now that I've put kids on the backburner until she/we are ready it feels like one of the more tangible steps to take. And if I were on my own (and not trying to adopt a kid next year, which would be the plan if it were just me) that would be a choice I could make, because I've been saving for the last two years. But hard to feel like equal partners if one of you is making a substantially larger financial contribution. And I want any home we have together, especially a home I would hope to be in for many years, to feel like *ours*.

So I guess I just have to suck it up and accept that just because I am (or could be) ready doesn't mean *we* are ready. Wanting to live my life with her means not always getting to do things on my own timeline.

But dang is it an adjustment, and not always an easy one.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

I recently came to the realization that my favourite musician has a number of songs that espouse a political view I don't agree with. I feel betrayed. Loving this artist has been central to my identity, one of very few things that I share with my dad, something that connects practically my entire family... I can't talk to my mom about it because she would be devastated. But it hurts. And now every time I think about him or his music, that's all I can think about. I can't enjoy his work anymore, and it sucks.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

I started antidepressants (again) this spring. They helped with my catastrophising, which was the main thing I wanted from them. But a couple months later, after something really big happened in my relationship, I started feeling this dullness. It mostly seems to be in relation to my partner and relationship, and I can't tell if it's because of the change in our relationship or because of the meds. I've thought about going off the meds, or even just cutting my dose in half, to see if it helps with the dullness, but I'm scared the catastrophising might come back and that was miserable. I don't know how to tell whether this is because of the meds or not - and if it's not because of the meds, could *increasing* my dose actually be the right thing? It's not as if I haven't had dullness as a symptom of depression before... I don't know what to do or how to figure it out. I love my partner, but I don't *feel* it as much as I used to, and I miss the feelings. I just want to be able to feel fully without feeling like every little thing is the end of the world.

[sweet satin lover]

I think I'm more gay than bi

[Beautiflr]

being a minority suck!

[CrazyTaraWitch]

I'm 32 and I still don't feel like I know how to make or have friends. I get very worried sometimes when I think about what would happen if my partner and I ever split up; I would be alone. I've been here 4 and a half years and I still don't have friends of my own. My one real friend is better friends with my partner than me, and I think we would struggle to stay in contact if my partner and I weren't together. I rely on my partner in ways I know I shouldn't when it comes to having a social life, and the truth is we're both disappointed in me for it. I want to have things and people of my own. But I still feel like I don't even know where to start.

[Laragh]

I wrote today. I wrote yesterday too. Like, not just a line or a paragraph but thousands of words. Chapters. Progression of storylines that I've been stuck on for a very, very long time.

Nothing particularly prompted this; the file opened on startup like it has every single day for years. I usually close it at some point throughout the day and let it open again the next morning. But yesterday when I opened it just to close it, I clicked on the little 'last left off' tab instead. And then instead of closing it, I wrote. And actual, real words came.

Apart from the stupendously awful eighteen months I've had, one of my biggest barriers to writing was having a comfortable 'spot' at home that I could just never replicate in my mom's house. I did stuff on my laptop sure but I just couldn't get into the headspace to allow these characters to flow.

Until yesterday.

And I think that means that I accept that this isn't my mom's house anymore.

Now it's mine.

And I have a new spot.

And that's amazing.

And it also fucking sucks.

[sweet satin lover]

I wish I had a girlfriend who was sweet and kind and intelligent who I could have a meeting of mind with.

[Yelowne]

Even though good things are going to start very soon I feel stuck in life. When does adulting feels real?

[sweet satin lover]

Even though good things are going to start very soon I feel stuck in life. When does adulting feels real?

Hi. I love your cat.

My moment of truth. I love myself

[jiyoonyong]

Reading through these honest and emotional posts really highlights what makes a forum like this special. It’s not just a place for conversation, it becomes a space where people feel safe to share fears, hopes, and personal experiences. That sense of connection, even among people who have never met, is something many communities strive to build.

Moments like these also show how important support systems are. Whether it’s dealing with health concerns, career uncertainty, or personal challenges, having a space to express yourself can make a meaningful difference. In a way, this kind of interaction mirrors how structured environments, like learning communities, help individuals grow with guidance, encouragement, and shared understanding.

For example, developing confidence, communication, and decision-making skills can be supported through guided learning. Platforms such as the College of Contract Management
) provide online courses designed to help individuals strengthen these abilities while balancing personal responsibilities. Their approach to structured learning also connects with topics like cognitive development and personal growth, which are often discussed in relation to building resilience and clarity.

Just like in this forum, where people learn from each other’s experiences, engaging in continuous learning can open new perspectives and opportunities. If you’re exploring ways to grow, whether personally or professionally—it might be worth looking into programmes that support both skill development and self-confidence.

Communities like this remind us that growth doesn’t happen in isolation. It’s shaped through shared stories, support, and the willingness to keep moving forward.