Things That Suck

[CrazyTaraWitch]

I'm just really down today. Things have felt great between me and my partner lately; aside from work life has felt really good. But today everything sucks.
The worst part is we've got plans to see a show tonight that I've been *really* excited about, and now I just don't really care or even want to go. I know it would upset my partner if I stayed home, so I'll go for her sake, but everything feels empty and it's hard to imagine having fun.
It's not like anything is really wrong. Nothing terrible has happened. Just some disappoints that I know I'm making too big a deal of. But it all feels so pointless.

[sweet satin lover]

I probably sound selfish but I hate that I have had to cancel two of my holidays. They are really the only breaks I get and I look forward to them so much

[gorn]

That sucks, sweet satin lover. Nothing selfish about it. This coronavirus has turned the world upside down.

[Finey_McFine]

COVID-19 SUCKS.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

Yesterday my fiancée got a call that her insurance company officially won't cover a surgery she's planning to get in the next few months. She had always expected that outcome, but I really got my hopes up. We could pay for it from my savings, or she could save up and get it done next year, but it sucks. She wants us to go 50/50 on wedding costs, and there's no way she'll be able to afford half if she's saving up or paying off a surgery. It's not the end of the world, and she'd probably prefer we get married next spring instead of this fall anyway, but I'm bummed.

[Finey_McFine]

Right-wing conservative Trump-loving douche bags. I. Fucking. HATE. Them.

[Laragh]

Right-wing conservative Trump-loving douche bags. I. Fucking. HATE. Them.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

I've been trying for a while now to get my partner into Buffy and it's just not really happening. We're mid-season 2 and have recently watched a few of my favourite pre-Tara episodes, and she's still pretty meh about the show. And I'm feeling personally attacked? Which is a silly way to feel, but Buffy was so important to my life. Buffy gave me Willow & Tara and led me to this board, and while I may not have any kittens in my life anymore there were years where almost everyone I was close to was from here. This show feels like a huge part of my life, a huge part of *me*. It sucks that my partner doesn't love something that's so important to me, and it really sucks that I'm being so defensive about it which has led her to feel guilty and like she's letting me down.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

I feel so irritable and easily upset 24/7. Everything feels so difficult. A global pandemic was really not a great time to (unintentionally) go off my antidepressant...

[Finey_McFine]

Death. Death sucks.

I just finished ordering flowers for the funeral of one of the best parents I've ever known. Ginny was the mother of my childhood best friend, K. He and I were inseparable in junior high and high school. It seemed like I was always at his house...swimming in their pool or laying on the floor of his room listening to the Go-Go's or hanging out on Friday nights to watch music videos, his parents were always there and always wonderful.

His parents were the epitome of perfect; they were quite literally Ozzie and Harriet. Aside from feeding us and putting up with our teen angst, they drove us anywhere we needed to go. I remember them driving us up to a waterpark in Ft. Lauderdale one summer day and dropping us off with a promise to pick us up at 8pm. Ten hours they waited around up there with no complaining, just a, "Did you have fun?" When they picked us up. I remember asking what they did all day and Mrs. G simply replied, "We spent a nice day together." No bitching, no complaining, no attitude of being put out at having to drive two 14-year-olds an hour and a half away so they could play on water slides all day.

My home life was a disaster. My Mom and Stepfather were a train wreck and my grandparents, whom I lived with, were too busy trying to hold everything together to worry about a day trip to a waterpark. I didn't know what it was like to have parents that, parents not only cared for each other but put their kids first. Mr. and Mrs. G showed me what life was 'supposed' to be like and were honestly the best parental role models I ever had. Patient and kind and wonderful.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

A lot of memories and associations feel tainted because my mom's dad was... not a good guy in the end. He was my grandfather, and though we were never close and he wasn't a big part of my life I did love him, and he was my mom's idol. I used to joke that I was going to become my own grandfather someday, because my mom was so much like him and I was so much like her. But about a year before he died he did something really messed up, and he was incarcerated when he died. My mom thinks he had changed in the last years of his life, that he wasn't always bad, but I'm not sure what I believe. I just know that I don't get to have happy memories of him anymore; that every time I think of him, remember some fun moment from visiting the farm or wish I had the recipe for the cookies he made, I feel anger and disgust and guilt.

It sucks to feel like every good memory is taken away. It sucks to still care about someone who doesn't deserve it, and to feel guilty for caring. It sucks to believe, even if only on a very small level, that I am a worse person because of what he did, because I should have seen his evil.

[shirrey]

CrazyTaraWitch, just sending you good energy and healing. That is such a tough place to be in, I am sorry you are having to go through it.

[sweet satin lover]

Stupid men

[Finey_McFine]

My sister has a raging case of COVID, Delta Variant. She’s on day 10 and I just found out today when my nephew texted saying he was worried because she was sending him her computer passwords, “just in case.” Apparently, he didn’t know until today either. I’m so pissed at her for not telling anyone and worried sick at the same time. She’s an er nurse, immune compromised and unvaccinated. Stupid, just fucking stupid. She married a gun toting Trump worshiping ignorant asshole and allowed him to completely change her way of thinking and now she is paying for it, possibly with her life.

[shirrey]

oh my god- I am so so sorry that you are going through that

[gorn]

It's still only Tuesday ...

[CrazyTaraWitch]

Did a reflection on 2021 tonight and it was very hard to come up with good stuff. There hasn't been a lot of good the last 2 years.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

My partner and I had a dumb fight this morning. Maybe not even a fight, but an interaction that has left me feeling tense and unhappy for the last 2 hours. I'm supposed to be doing wedding planning today - a friend is helping me look for an outfit - and I feel the least wedding-y I have in months. Ugh. I really don't want to be feeling sour - I want to be happy and excited, having fun with my friend and looking forward to our wedding, instead of being grouchy. But I guess when you're planning a wedding in two months you don't have a whole lot of ability to hit the pause button...

[shirrey]

CrazyTaraWitch- I hope your day got better! It sucks when you are planning for a good day and things interfere

[sweet satin lover]

Lilly died on the 7th. My beautiful cat gone forever. The pain is unbearable she wasn't just a cat she was my feline soul mate. Plus so much else going on too much pain for me and my family. Screw you 2025

[gorn]

sweet satin lover, very sorry to hear about your cat. Very, very sorry. My own Miss Kitty Fantastico is doing very poorly and probably won't be with us much longer. I feel your pain and wish you all the best.

[sweet satin lover]

sweet satin lover, very sorry to hear about your cat. Very, very sorry. My own Miss Kitty Fantastico is doing very poorly and probably won't be with us much longer. I feel your pain and wish you all the best.

Thank you so much gorn I'm so sorry for you with miss kitty sending love and support xx