I am so excited about this new forum. I'm kinda private about my non-fanfic work though, so I don't know how much I'll show here. Still, here's one quick journey into my warped mind.
The Garbanzo Bean Massacre
Few of us will ever forget that night. That night of terror. The
night of the infamous garbanzo bean massacre. The garbanzo beans of the quiet town Blagamoomoo will never be the same.
It all started on a seemingly ordinary day. The garbanzo beans
were just kicking it with the cucumbers (cuz everyone wants to be cool as a cucumber), when urgent news broke out. "The damn dam has broke!" shouted Bob (one of the fellow townsgarbonzos). The garbanzos started to panic, which is normally a bad thing to do in times of emergency. The ranch dressing that the (damn) dam had held back started spreading everywhere. Garbanzos were dropping (or rather sinking) dead everywhere. Some of the garbanzos swam through the flood and reached lettuce mountain.
"Let us climb the lettuce," they said (and they did). When the remaining garbanzos (Bob included- the author decided to spare him thus far because of his simple yet always amusing name) reached the top, they thought they were safe. Yeah right, this story isn't over yet. Out of nowhere thousands of birds appeared in the sky. (Well, maybe not quite thousands, but any large number of hungry birds will seem like thousands to you if you are a defenseless garbanzo bean who has just narrowly escaped death only moments before.) "Screw this," said little Timmy (because all great stories need to have a little Timmy character) and they all fled from the mountain, trying to dodge the birds' snapping beaks. They reached the swamp of cottage cheese and decided to rest, for they had lost the birds back at the mini corns (don't you just love those little mini corn things? Mmmmmmmmm . . . they are so good). Little Orphan Garbanzo sang them a song about, "the celery will come out tomorrow," which could have cheered them up if it weren't for the fact that Annie was so friggin' obnoxious. They spent the night huddled together under a tortilla shell for warmth. The next day, just when they thought their horrible ordeal was finally over, IT happened. Oh yes, IT.
Squirrels were everywhere. Big ones. Small ones. Gray, brown,
black and (of course) pink ones. The garbanzo beans quivered in fear. "What happened to 'the celery coming out tomorrow,' huh Annie?" asked Ima Bean. Just then, as if on cue, the celery DID come out. Unfortunately it was eaten in mere seconds by the squirrels. "Sh*t!" said Little Timmy, "Now what are we going to do?" The squirrels began their attack, slaying the innocent garbanzos. All hope appeared lost. Then, out of the blue (orange, purple red, green, yellow, but NOT pink), their savior appeared. The beautiful spork sparkled in the light. It's perfect curves glimmered. It's prongs swayed in the wind. The squirrels cowered in fear. Not even the strongest of evil dares stand up to the power of the almighty spork. The squirrels chattered angrily, threw some acorns and scampered off. All was well. The casualties were great. Only a few garbanzos survived (including Bob, because I may as well let him live, since it IS a good name). The survivors worked to rebuild their fragile way of life, BUT nothing was ever quite the same in Blagamoomoo again.
The End
