My (somewhat depressing) Poems

[Ten10239]

Hey, I am posting these because I've only ever let my family read these and I want to know if they are any good or just straight crap cause they won't give me an honest answer . Feedback is most welcome!



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This poem is about people being fake, because that is my biggest petpeeve.

---

Untitled



Our children who we seek

It is upon our flesh that they feast



With their dead eyes and yellow teeth

With their hollow voices they preach



Behind the mask the flesh decays

But they don't know they're slaves

To the world and all its plays



I see right through their false names

Their shows and games



They see but they don't know

Their whole life is just for show



---------------

This poem no one has ever seen, I wrote it to my mother in one of my worst depressions.

---

Spirit



With every blood drop and every tear

You'll see what you never wanted to hear

In that instant It'll click all the signs

You never cared to look

You never really saw the life the one that I took

The world doesn't know me

So when I leave nothing will change not even the breeze

You won't know

You won't feel it

When my soul leaves

When I finally free my spirit

-----------



Leni

"F#&k you, but have a nice day!"

Edited by: Ten10239  at: 4/20/03 12:51:09 am

[MellindraX]

Very interesting....(Note: Purely analytical comments ahead, beware!) There's excellent imagery in the first one, but the second one is better at conveying emotion. A suggestion is to try and combine the good descriptive words like what you used for untitled but slip in the underlying meanings of Spirit to create a very powerful piece of poetry. (End poor analysis)



I liked these, both very good.

It is my solace, my home, the place where my walls crumble and fall away, because no one can know who I truly am. Thank goodness for the Internet, preserver of sanity! -Unknown

[pacou]

Leni



Those were great



I'm probably not as helpful with the analytical comments as MellindraX but I can definitely say that I really, really liked those!



And Spirit was awesome (lol I keep using the word awesome today but what can I do? All the stuff I'm reading IS awesome )



You should post more *hint* And I'm not part of your family, therefore I'm not prejudiced And I love them so you can be sure that they are great



I know I didn't help but I still love them Thanks for sharing



-Viv-

Medicine, law, banking – these are necessary to sustain life. But poetry, romance. love, beauty? These are what we stay alive for!

[Ten10239]

Hey,



MellindraX: Thanks for the analysis, you were honest enough to say what you thought. Every writer/poet needs some good criticism every now and then .



Viv: Thank you for telling me the truth, and spirit is my favorite poem that I have written so far.

---------------

I was really hating life when I wrote this one !

----

Life



Life is a bitch

Life is Hell

Life is a black hole

From which we cannot escape

We fight it

And we lose

The more we struggle

The more we get pulled in

We don't live life

We fight life

We wait for life to end

We wait for life to begin

We wait for life to take us by the hand

And show us what to do

But we want life to go away

So that we can wait for it

We want it to desert us

So that we can blame it

For all our problems

We love life

We hate life

We don't know life

-----



Leni

[pacou]

Hey Leni



And what can I say? Another kick-ass poem (Hey, look, I'm the first one who replies )

Quote:

---

We don't live life

We fight life

---

So true



Thanks for writing More, more, more



-Viv-

Medicine, law, banking – these are necessary to sustain life. But poetry, romance. love, beauty? These are what we stay alive for!

[SJ]

Great poetry

[Ten10239]

I just wanted to say thank you to Pacou for relying and giving me an honest opinion. Also to SJ, thanx you guys.



Leni

[pacou]

Kol Leni, call me Viv, pacou sounds so... formal



Will there be any new poems soon ( )?



Take care



-Viv-

Medicine, law, banking – these are necessary to sustain life. But poetry, romance. love, beauty? These are what we stay alive for!

[Ten10239]

Sorry that I didn't reply sooner but I was visiting family (so not a good time). I promise that I will have some up by tomorrow!



Leni

[Ten10239]

i know that this is late but Real Life decided to come and kick my ass. Well this what I have to say to it .

Anyway, I lost my poem book, and I am so pissed about that, you have no idea. But I though about this poem and wrote it about an hour ago, I have no idea what it is about or why I wrote it. But here it is .

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Mouth of Hell



Hell, I knever knew it

Until I went though it



I tried but I failed

I'll never be bailed



You always hear

Of people and thier fear



You always think you can escape

Never knowing of the mouth agape



The Mouth of Hell

That swallows and never tells



You don't know until it's too late

You think it's not right but it's fate



You were meant for that punishment

To pay for your crime



All of that time

Never knowing of the crime



The one we commit

You think and forget



All this is to much for

The crime



You weren't even in your prime

But this doesn't matter



Not to your cell

Not to the Mouth of Hell

----



It probably sucks huh? I think so, but oh well. I wrote it pretty much on the spot, so what can you ask for?



Leni

"F#&k you, but have a nice day!"

Edited by: Ten10239  at: 4/20/03 12:48:43 am

[MellindraX]

This does not suck, trust me. Thats horrible that you lost your poetry book. If I lost mine, I'd start spazzing and thinking some of my friends found it, which would be a bad thing =b

Anyway, post whatever you want, and I can just sit by and hope thats most of what you write!

It is my solace, my home, the place where my walls crumble and fall away, because no one can know who I truly am. Thank goodness for the Internet, preserver of sanity! -Unknown

[SJ]

Good poem

[Ten10239]

Hey thanks you guys for replying. I finally found my book, so I think that I will have one up by tomorrow.



Leni

"F#&k you, but have a nice day!"

[Ten10239]

Hey guys, these poems are pretty short ones but, they have some pretty deep meanings for me.

-----------

I wrote this to my dad, we really don't have the best relationship in the world.

----

Hell



Hell is when you walk into

a room and no one cares

When you look into your

Fathers eyes and see hate

When you scream for help

And no one hears

When the only friend

You have is pain

Hell is when

Its the only thing you want

-----------

I tend to throw a huge pit party for myself sometimes.

-----

Would You Care?

If I died would anyone cry?

Would anyone ask why?

Or would it be like saying bye

And hoping that I never return

Wanting never to see my face

Not wanting to pretend

To have to be my friend

----------

Please, tell me what you think.



Leni

"F#&k you, but have a nice day!"

Edited by: Ten10239  at: 4/23/03 11:31:23 pm

[SJ]

Powerful words

[pacou]

OMG Leni!!!



Those were so sad I love them and I love the meaning and I can so feel with you I wouldn't say I have the closest relationship with my Dad either...but it's still okay



What I wanted to say is, that I love those poems, I wish I could write stuff like you do And like Sam said, some very powerful words



And, just in case...don't you dare to stop writing



Thanks very much for sharing cos those were private poems and I really like it that you shared them



Take care



-Viv-

Medicine, law, banking – these are necessary to sustain life. But poetry, romance. love, beauty? These are what we stay alive for!

[Ten10239]

Hey guys, stopped by to thank you guys.



SJ I thought so .



Viv Thank you for your honest opinion. I'm sorry about you and your dad, I know how hard it is to not really have that father figure . These were some of my more personal poems. Don't worry I'll never stop writing .



Leni

"F#&k you, but have a nice day!"

[Ten10239]

I know that it has been a while since I posted. But, I promise that I have an excuse. And that excuse is...I'll tell you when I think of it.



I have written some new stuff. But personaly I think that it is shit. So I am going to show you guys some of my earlier stuff. So here it is.

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Do You Know?

Do you know how hard I've tried? Do you know how much I want it? Do you even care? Do you even notice signs? Do you notice the scars? Do you know why I try? Do you even care that your daughter wants to die? Do you even know why? Do you even care? Neither do I.

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I can't

I can't do it. I have the knife. It's at my wrist. It's already through the skin. It's right there. Just half an inch more. Just half an inch more, and it's all gone. The pain. The suffering. The failure. It'll all end. But I can't. Why?

------

Death

death, I pray for it. Death ends all suffering, ends all pain. Death ends all need, ends all want. Death is a release, from all worldly pain. Death ends all questions and brings all answers. Death happens all around me. It happens when you least expect it. Death happens to those that don't want it. But what about those that do?

-----



Remember, I'm fragile. So please be careful with me.



Leni

"F#&k you, but have a nice day!"

[pacou]

Aww Leni



I love what you've written there, it's not crap!!



I don't like the topic though, I'm not into the whole "I wish to die" but then, I don't think I have all the problems that the person in your poem seems to have...



I loved how you've captured the words and all the desperation



Thanks for sharing Leni



-Viv-

Medicine, law, banking – these are necessary to sustain life. But poetry, romance. love, beauty? These are what we stay alive for!

[SJ]

Very dark but powerful and emotive poetry

Thanks for sharing

[AmberBensonRockzMyWorld]

Wow...You're words are so powerfull...and amazing. I love your work, and can't wait for some more.

Lot's O' Love,

*~LiSa ~*

"Walking along unknowingly when u're burning me alive, but I need u 2 just let me be an actor in your play, & I'll play the part however you want it. The curtain will fall and u'll applaud at my ability 2 be...Someone else."

[Ten10239]

I am back! I've got some new poems, and hopefuly they don't suck too bad. Anyway, I would love your opinions once more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

This one I wrote to my father. Now if only I had the courage to give it to him.

~~~~~~~

Sometimes I wish...



Sometimes I wish I knew you

Im wish we could talk



I wanna know more about you

I wanna know how you think



Your my father, my blood

Yet, I know you as well as a stranger



I always looked up to you

I wanted to be just like you



I feared you

But I loved you



I respected you

But I hated you



As I grew older

We grew futher apart



I realized that

You are not perfect



I saw you with friends

And I saw you at home



I saw what most people don't

I saw both of your faces



I saw the dark and the darker

To you there is no light side



I wish you would want me in the room

Other than to fix something



I see other fathers

And wonder why your not them



I wonder why you keep such a distance

Why you push me away



Don't you love me?

Don't you want me in your life?



Don't you want to know me?

Why did you have me?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This one deals with the things we do and can never hide from. The things that no one else knows. The things that we can never forget or make up for. This is how it goes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Burn of Hell



I know the Burn of Hell

I felt it when I fell

I fell into a bed of thorns

They embedded in my head like horns

Something I can never remove

It's always there to prove

Something to remind

To prove I'm not kind

I'll never be free

Of the things that follow me

The crimes I commit

The sins I want to forget

The things under my skin

That fuel the fire within

The fire that burns and consumes

A fire that denies all blooms

You know when you feel it

It burns so deep that you can never heal it

This fire that burns inside

This fire from which you can never hide

This is the one that burns

The burn is so deep that

It scars your soul

This fire the one that burns

The one inside

This is that into I fell

The Burn of Hell

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Please let me know what you think. Please don't be to harsh.



Leni

Check out my poems in The Inward Eye. They're not to bad!

[SJ]

No reason to be harsh,your poetry is great

[Ten10239]

I want to say thank you to SJ for replying to my last poems that really means alot to me.



This poem is one that is very emotional for me. I just want to clear up the fact that these poems are all my feelings. I'm not on the outside looking in on someone else's life and comenting. These words that you read, these emotions that I write are genuine. They are mine, this is what I feel.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fuck It



Sometimes there comes a point in your life when you realize that it is just not worth it. A time when you just say "Fuck it". You don't want to put up with all the bullshit that life brings. You come to understand that all the things you want, you'll never have. The things you need will pass you by. The people you love, will up and leave. Till one day your all alone. Sitting there reflecting on the times you could have had. Those times when you laughed and those times when you cried. The times that stand out the most are the ones where you were screaming for help and died inside. Those moments when all you needed was a friend, yet no one came. You look back and realize that your life was pointless. All it leads to is this moment. This moment of clarity. You know what to do, you know how to do it. You pick up the knife, say a prayer. Cut throught the skin, and hope. Hope that what comes next is better than before. As you feel your life pour out, as you take your last breath. You should know, that, even though your life made no impact on anyone, your death did. You can go with that knowledge, you've made your peace. As you leave you look down on Earth. You watch as someone finds your body. You know if you could say one more thing, it would be, "I'm sorry."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I will not ask you to be kind this time. I will only ask for your honesty. I also ask that you reply. If you have only decided to look, and you think that is shit, or if it changed your life. I would like to know. Again, all I ask is that you be honest. Thank you.



Leni

Never trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and does not die.



I am a Master Debator.

[SJ]

Thank you for sharing something so personal

I like your writing a lot,pretty intense but you have a great way with words

[onyxsundrops]

Dark and depressing... I like it! It's always good to have the flip-side on the IE, whereas there are a lot of poems about love,etc. As for "Fuck it", well we've all had those days and it's good that you've found a way to vent. I find it hard to write about my own personal 'dark' issues, so thanks for deciding to share yours .



Yvonne

[maudmac]

Leni, I want to join the chorus of thanks. Thank you for sharing this with us. If it might've been hard to do, I hope it helped you to do it. And you can trust that it's helping folks to read it, to know they aren't alone.

---

Green green grass surrounding me / Wind is blowing through the trees / Sun is bright and I feel happy -- Shonen Knife

[VicariousSmoochies]

Hi Leni~



I went through your poems and I personally must say that I like the dark and angst...and I remember when I was younger how deep and huge everything felt to me. I like "Fuck it". It's raw and ultra deep...very intense. It may not be for everybody but I can't imagine anyone who hasn't at least felt that way before. I also liked the one about your father. I really do relate to that one so much, on my own personal level.



I look foward to more of your poetry and thoughts.



Kelly

VicariousSmoochies

[Willows miss PsychoPepSqu]

They were very interesting and I mean that in a fantastically good way, more more more!









And they're probably just friends. I press my lips against my friends' all the time.

[Ten10239]

I am sorry that I did not reply sooner. That was very rude of me. But I would like to thank every body who posted. I will do individual thanks later. I've not had a lot of time as of late. I just started school and I have been very busy. I will post individual thanks tomorrow or the next day.



Again I thank you for replying. It helps me alot to know that I am not the only one who has or has had these feelings. Thank You, Leni.

Never trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and does not die.



I am a Master Debator.