by Scarlette
Don't get me wrong I love who I am but just once I'd like to feel like I belong. Eventually I just got tired of being picked on and laughed at because I was different. I had jet-black hair cut short, pale skin and I was a little bit chubby. I didn’t wear Adidas or Levis and for that I was punished. Nobody wanted to talk to me because to them I was a loser. After junior high I decided it was time for me to take a new direction so with my allowance money I bought a Teen magazine.
The first day of high school I walked out of my house with confidence. I looked just like the girls from the magazine: blonde hair, the cute little pink dress, knee highs, and brown boots with a one inch heel. I was ready to face the world. Little did I know the world didn't look like page 42, instead it was a scene from Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit.
"Freak!" A girl with purple hair yelled to me from across the bus stop. I felt lower than dirt. The first thing I did when I got home was tear up those knee-highs, along with page 42. I wanted to be accepted so desperately and I failed. I changed everything about the way I looked and people still didn’t like me.
The next year I found myself a pair of wide leg jeans and a few baggy sweatshirts. I felt stupid. The clothes were at least two sizes too big and I looked like a guy but I wanted to be popular and if that meant sacrificing how I felt then so be it.
“Wow!” Megan said to me when she saw my new skater shoes. “Those are so awesome. I have a pair just like those at home.”
“Thanks,” I replied keeping my hands in my pockets.
Yes! I did it! I wore the right clothes and people liked me, they actually talked to me. They would say hi to me in the hallway and wave from the bus stop. I had a group of friends I could sit with at lunchtime and during class no one made fun of me. Only problem was it wasn’t me they were talking too. Just some carbon copy of what they thought was “cool”.
So at the start of the new school year I gave myself a choice. Do I continue to wear the “cool” clothes that made me popular or do I be myself ?
In fear of jeopardizing my popularity I decided to keep wearing the big jeans and oversized sweatshirts. I was so used to wearing them by then it just felt like second nature. Unfortunately just like the weather styles change. Soon the trend turned to spaghetti straps, skirts and chunky heels. The world was no longer Smells Like Teen Spirit, it was Britney’s Hit Me Baby One More Time.
“Are you a lesbian?” A blonde girl in a hot pink skirt and braids asked me.
I was shocked; I didn’t know what to say. My mouth just hung open. “No...” I replied hesitantly. “Why?”
“Cause you’re dressed like a guy.” She turned around and giggled with her friend, like she had made some great accomplishment.
I looked down at my clothes and realized she was right. I had worked so hard to transform myself into the ideal teenager and now it was all for nothing. I felt like that little girl in the pink dress again. Who was I exactly? After three years of high school I didn’t have a clue. I hid the real me under layers of clothes and it was finally time for me to shed this false persona.
By senior year I stopped caring about what people thought of me. I bought the clothes that made me happy, the ones that expressed who I was. Even to this day those silver boots put a smile on my face. Sure there were always people that didn’t like the way I looked but that didn’t matter. I have a group of friends, real friends who like me because I’m funny, creative, and unique. I just wish I had known way back in ninth grade what I know now. I probably missed out on so much of my life because I let the ideals of other people influence me.
The only advice I can give is the tired old cliché of just be yourself. Those three little words mean so much more to me now.
The End.
PS. Thank you for reading my story and I apologize if I offended anyone. This was just my own personal experience that I needed to let go of.
~Scarlette~
You were unique and you always stayed true to yourself and your interests...it's awesome. My bestest buuuudy. 
at: 1/1/04 8:42 pm
Thanks for sharing 
Man, she got in soooo much trouble... it was fun! But then she became somewhat a softy and became my bodyguard for other seniors who tried to freshie the Grade Seven's - well me, mostly.
you're the best! 