The Kitten, the Witches and the Bad Wardrobe - Willow & Tara Forever

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 Post subject: Queen of Hearts Part 3: The Deal
PostPosted: Mon Aug 23, 2010 10:51 am 
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7. Teeny Tinkerbell Light
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Joined: Mon Aug 16, 2010 3:31 am
Posts: 621
Topics: 10
Location: San Diego, CA
Author: BeMyDeputy
Rating: PG for this section. Up to NC-17 for later installments.
Feedback: Welcome.
Notes: "The Deal" takes place during the episode "A New Man."
Spoilers: This is season 4. If you haven't seen season 4, what are you doing here?
Content disclaimer (this section): Violence: Referenced. Sex: No. Angst: Yes.
I Don't Own This Disclaimer: The entire Buffyverse (including setting, characters, and plot) is property of it's owners, including but not limited to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. No copyright infringement is intended by this work.
Acknowledgments: Thanks to my awesome beta reader, dlline, who is wonderful and helps me keep my tenses straight.


Chapter 1 Part 3: The Deal


“Tara!” Willow tried to pull away, but Tara’s arms held her securely in place.

“Shh, it’s okay. I’ve got you. It was just a dream. You’re awake. You’re safe now.”

Willow felt ill. The emotional roller coaster of the past sixty seconds was sickening: the horror of the nightmare, the bliss of believing the past seventy three days had been a terrible nightmare, the sting of reality flooding back, and the suddenly pressing embarrassment of kissing Tara’s breast.

“Shh, it’s okay. I’ve got you. It was just a dream. You’re awake. You’re safe now.”

Tara’s mantra did little to assuage Willow’s concerns. Clutching desperately to the least-soul crushing of the overwhelming emotions battering her, she was currently focused on the embarrassment. “Oh, gods, Tara, I’m sorry. I’d just woken up and like I said I’m pretty used to sleeping next to Oz . . .”

“Willow . . . .”

“ . . . and so when I woke up and was being held I thought it was him and that him leaving had all been a nightma—“

“Willow!” Never having heard Tara speak so forcefully, Willow’s train of thought was successfully knocked off the tracks to panic-ville. For the first time since waking, she looked over, distraught, to the woman trying desperately to comfort her.

“Willow, really, I’m a lot more focused right now on the screaming. And the shaking. And the sweating. D-do you need anything? Water? Juice? Anything at all?”

Screaming. Shaking. Sweating. The alliterative trifecta had become her nightly ritual. Running a quick self-diagnosis, she found that Tara was correct: once again, the nightmare left her shaking uncontrollably and drenched with sweat. “Sorry about that. I should have warned you. I only scream out loud . . . let’s see, tonight is the twenty-ninth time versus seventy-three total nights, so 39.72 . . . 6 . . . 0 . . . 2 . . . 7 . . . 4% of the time.” Responding to the look of anguish and concern on Tara’s face, Willow looked down and quietly explained. “Every night since Oz left.”

“D-did he hurt you? Physically, I mean. You seem r-really scared.”

“No!” Willow paused, choosing her words carefully. She trusted Tara implicitly, but dating a werewolf didn’t make a lot of sense if you didn’t live in the slayer’s world, and Buffy’s identity was on a need-to-know basis. Tara could be trusted, Willow was sure, but she didn’t need to know. At the same time, Willow needed to talk. She felt like she could talk it out with Tara.

“He didn’t actually hurt me. But my dream . . . see, it starts out exactly like the confrontation he, Veruca and I had the night before he left. But then it gets . . . worse. He comes into the room where she and I are arguing, and he tells her to leave me alone. Then, in some sort of dream-sensical metaphor logic, he and Veruca morph into werewolves or something, and they fight to the death. Oz wins, but . . . but when he sees me, he doesn’t know it’s me. Because he’s changed. Then he . . . attacks me . . . and . . . goes to . . . rip out my throat. So I . . . start screaming . . . and I wake up.” Willow choked up as she got near end of her description, and when she was done, she broke down and finally let herself cry, burying her face in Tara’s shoulder once again.

Willow sobbed, and Tara held her close, gently running her hand through her hair. Willow had never told anyone the details of the nightmare before. She hadn’t told Buffy the nights she’d shaken her awake to stop the screaming. She hadn’t told Giles when she had him help magically soundproof the walls to her room at home so her parents wouldn’t hear her scream during winter break. She hadn’t told Xander the night she fell asleep in his basement after watching Charlie Brown. She’d gotten away with telling all of them she was haunted by the memory of Veruca trying to kill her, and she’s certainly not told any of them it occurred every night. Finally, with Tara, she’d felt safe enough to admit to nightly torment.

With the weight off her chest, Willow finally began to let go. She cried for the feelings of inadequacy Veruca had inspired. She cried for the betrayal that overwhelmed her when she had discovered her lover naked with another. She cried for the pain of watching her peaceful, quiet Oz deliberately kill another. She cried for the terror of him lunging at her, unrecognizing and animal, ready to kill. Finally she wept for the loss: for the sense of security and comfort and self that Oz had taken away with him. How long it took before the tears stopped she didn’t know. Once she was through, she moved to sit up. And this time, Tara didn’t stop her.

Willow wiped her eyes and looked helplessly down at Tara, whose shoulder was, by the look of it, soaked through. “You, uh, said you had some juice?” Tara nodded and smiled. She took a bottle from her small fridge and poured Willow a glass. She settled back into bed while Willow took a long drink.

“Is that any better?”

Willow could tell Tara meant more than just the presence of the juice. “Yeah, it is. On all fronts.” She lifted her glass. “I’ve got some water and electrolytes in me, so I won’t be quite as hung over in the morning from my binge crying. Plus, I got a lot of crying done that I’d been holding in for a long time. Not that I haven’t been crying, mind you. Just not about the right things.” She tapped her forehead, finally able to smile at the memory of the last pleasant morning she’d spent with Oz. “It’s always so busy in here, I’m not always good at triage.” She paused to think. “I don’t feel as broken any more. I mean, I still feel sad. But not broken.”

Tara smiled and refilled Willow’s cup. “I’m glad.”

Willow chuckled. “You know, oddly enough, so am I.” She looked seriously at Tara and took her hand. “Thank you. For everything.”

Tara looked down and looked embarrassed, though Willow couldn’t grasp why. “You’re welcome.” Looking up, she added, “That’s what friends are for, right?”

“For things like this, I think you have to be pretty special friends.” The possible double meaning of ‘special friends’ came to her, and she remembered her earlier mistake. “I am really sorry about, uh, you know, kissing you. I know you said you think I’m pretty, and if someone I thought was attractive did that I think if would have died. So yeah, very, very sorry.”

“Well, you warned me you might think I was Oz. I didn’t think you’d go for second . . . .” Willow felt herself turn a deeper shade of red, and stared down at her juice.

Tara smiled. “I’m teasing you. Think Ford Prefect, Willow.”

“Ford Prefect? Think cars? No . . . Oh! Right! Douglas Adams. Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. You mean don’t--” Willow smiled, and looked up. “I am not panicking,” she insisted.

Tara raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

Willow sighed, defeated. “Maybe a little.”

Tara laughed. “Look, I’ll make you a deal. Until and unless you say the magic words ‘I’m interested in you,’ I promise I’ll file all our physical contact as ‘totally innocuous,’ whether it be about the magic, or friendship, or total honest mistake. If you make me uncomfortable, I’ll ask you to stop, but unless I do, you don’t have to apologize. Deal?”

“I can live with that.” Willow yawned. “Can we go back to sleep?”

“We can go back to sleep.” Tara lay back down onto the bed.

“And can there be snuggling?” Willow gave Tara her best winning smile.

Tara held out her arms. “There can be snuggling.” Willow took back her position lying on Tara’s chest, and Tara once again wrapped her arms around Willow.

“Tara?” Willow asked sleepily.

“Hmm?”

“A deal means we both have a part. You said what your part is. What’s my part?”

“Your part of the deal? If you decide you’re interested, you better tell me.”

“I promise."

Willow fell asleep, and for the first time in seventy-three nights, it was completely peaceful.

_________________
More of a dog person, myself.
I'm from Iowa, we drive four hours for a high school football game.
Queen of HeartsThe Sincerest Form of FlatteryDrabbles


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 Post subject: Re: Queen of Hearts
PostPosted: Mon Aug 23, 2010 10:54 am 
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7. Teeny Tinkerbell Light
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Tell her, tell her, for goddess' sake!! :wtkiss :wtkiss :wtkiss

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The Yuletide Present ... In From the Cold

"We're in love. We're lovers. We're lesbian, gay-type lovers."


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 Post subject: Re: Queen of Hearts
PostPosted: Mon Aug 23, 2010 1:37 pm 
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4. Extra Flamey

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Quote:
Ford Prefect? Think cars?


This made me laugh out loud. Here in the US so many people never got the joke implicit in Ford Prefect's name, and so i LOVE that your Willow did.

Your Tara seems pretty comfortable in her own skin - once she gets the initial coming-out done anyway..it's nice to see.


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 Post subject: Re: Queen of Hearts
PostPosted: Mon Aug 23, 2010 3:49 pm 
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3. Flaming O
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Yes! im totally loving how fast you're getting the updates out! X]
I really like the way that you are developing Will and Tara's relationship
hope that you keep the goodness coming! ;-)


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 Post subject: Re: Queen of Hearts
PostPosted: Mon Aug 23, 2010 6:12 pm 
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3. Flaming O

Joined: Fri Jul 31, 2009 8:42 pm
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"What's with the telling?" was the next phrase that came out of my head for the next paragraph.

Choice of response:
"Because we've become a really good friend and I don't want things to be awkward between us"
"Because....pssst..., I have feelings for you"
"Because, I can't wait for you to say that to me."

Yup, lately I have all sort of continuation line each time I finished reading a fanfic. LOL :kitty


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 Post subject: Re: Queen of Hearts
PostPosted: Tue Aug 24, 2010 1:25 pm 
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10. Troll Hammer

Joined: Thu Apr 28, 2005 2:08 pm
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Okay, right, that car went over my head, but I wasn't seriously injured.

I'm very glad this happened before Willow and Tara became Willow and Tara because yes calling current by ex's name can be ill-advised.

But that's Tara all the way, being such a good "comfortador" for someone she cares about, and I mean caring of any kind.

I love the cards-on-the-table approach they're both taking, agreeing to use plain l;anguage with each other as regards where their relationship is going at any particular time.

_________________
Snapshots:http://thekittenboard.com/board/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=10210 a Love Story
____________________________________________________________
Kim: (breaks off the kissing) I l... (Sue stops her with a hand)
Sue: We don't talk about things like that right after, you know that, no saying those things in The Moment.
Kim: (moves the hand aside) Screw The Moment. I *love* you.


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 Post subject: Queen of Hearts Part 4: The Reminder
PostPosted: Tue Aug 24, 2010 11:32 pm 
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7. Teeny Tinkerbell Light
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Posts: 621
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Location: San Diego, CA
Feedback:
@Everyone: Holy shit, they're right. Feedback IS like a drug. Woah. #highnow #whyyesIdouseTwittertoomuch

@LonelyTara: I promise you, there will be boobs. I have them written down, even! But then I decided to pull back when the story started to put space between Tara coming out and them getting together. Since I don't have the space between there and here outlined, I can't tell you exactly how many posts you'll have to wait. But they're coming. Looming boobs. #okaythatendedupinadifferentplacethanitstarted

@Morrigan: I have a confession. Since I started writing this story at the beginning of "The I in Team" and then later backed it up to "A New Man," it was perfectly obvious to me that Willow and Tara weren't Willow AND Tara yet. I asked dlline if the post was angsty, and in reference to the last line she said, "Ouch! That's cold. Dude!" I didn't get why. Then I read my feedback. Then I thought, "Ooooooh. That would be cold. Oops."

Also, my feeble explanation for Willow remembering that the Prefect is a car before remembering THHGTTG is that when she was considering attending Oxford or Cambridge, she spent time researching England and somehow internalized the car name. Yeah, that makes sense. (The only reason I know it's a joke is because I read an interview with Douglas Adams where he talked about Americans not getting it.) I did think it was cool that, based strictly on original air dates, this happened 42 days after they met. #theanswertolifetheuniverseandeverything

@Paint the Sky: You win a shiny nickel! #yesthatisanepisodeonereference #buffynotstarwars #goaskXanderforit #didimentionimanerd

@DaddyCatALSO: The space in which their relationship takes place is going to be important to whether or not they can keep up the cards-on-the-table approach; Tara is very different in public and in private, which gets played up in the next couple of updates. But I really got the vibe from NMR that Tara is very much a "this is where I am, figure out where you are, and I'm down with it" sort of girl. #unnecessaryhashtag


Author: BeMyDeputy
Rating: PG for this section. Up to NC-17 for later installments.
Feedback: Welcome.
Notes: "The Reminder" takes place during the episode "A New Man."
Spoilers: This is season 4. If you haven't seen season 4, what are you doing here?
Content disclaimer (this section): Violence: No. Sex: No. Angst: No.
I Don't Own This Disclaimer: The entire Buffyverse (including setting, characters, and plot) is property of it's owners, including but not limited to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. No copyright infringement is intended by this work.
Acknowledgments: Thanks to my awesome beta reader, dlline, who coincidentally has a similar take on Tara as me, which makes it easy just to focus on the writing, not the 'no really in my story she's like this.'


Chapter 1 Part 4: The Reminder

That afternoon found Tara’s desk covered magic books, each open to a different spell of protection or blessing. Her bed was covered in schoolbooks, class notes, and homework. Tara, however, lay on her back in the middle of the floor, staring at the ceiling. Every train of thought she tried to board ended up taking her to the same destination, so she’d resigned herself to thinking about the one subject on her mind: Willow.

The past forty-three days had been had been an exercise in punctuated equilibrium. Since meeting Willow, the majority of Tara’s life remained unchanged: classes, meetings with the mundane pagans, studying. But then there were the times Willow was there. It was always so intense that those times certainly felt like they had made up most of the past month and a half. This misperception was fueled by the fact that Tara always spent the day or so after seeing Willow lying on her dorm room floor, staring at the ceiling, and reliving every moment of their shared time. Just like she was today.

“Mom, you will not believe the crazy day I had. Very strange twenty-four hours. Last night Willow came over again. She called at 10:30 at night, totally out of the blue, asking if I wanted to try a new spell she found. Of course I did. I mean, casting with her reminds me so much of our lessons, it feels a little like having you around again. Plus, as I’ve said before, she’s really hot; no way am I turning her down if she wants to come over. Anyway, she shows up at my door five minutes later holding a rose. Now, despite the fact I was pretty sure she’s straight—which, by the way, I confirmed last night, but I’ll get to that—my heart just leapt to my throat. Thankfully, she explained right away that it was for the spell, and I was able to breathe again. I’m crushing on her so bad, Mom. It’s ridiculous.

“So yeah, the rose was for this spell we tried for testing synchronicity. And at first, it went really well. I’m always so surprised we can cast together. We have such different ways of looking at magic. I don’t understand why it works at all. But ever since we moved that soda machine, we’ve just been able to do it. I’ve looked it up, and everything I’ve read says it shouldn’t work. I suppose that being about to die can overcome the obstacle of different magical traditions, and it just stuck. If I ever write a book on magical theory, I’ll be sure to throw that in there.

“Anyway, like I said, the spell worked really well at first. We had the rose in the air, and were about to start the fine tuning, where we pluck all the petals off the flower. But before we got the chance, this dark energy just took over the spell. We totally lost control: the flower went crazy and shot around the room. You know how I feel about my room: it’s my sanctuary. Donnie was kind enough to arrange for my room to be the only place in the world I feel safe enough to just be me. You can imagine how I feel now, having had black magic rip its way through here. That’s what all those books are about.” She pointed at her desk. “I need to re-bless the room, and put up some warding spells. That’s what I should be working on right now. But I can’t. I can’t concentrate. That’s how bad I’m crushing on her, Mom. My sanctuary has been broken and all I can do is lie here on the floor and tell you about her.

“That’s just the start of the craziness! So due to the totally freaky black magic, we both decide it’s safest for her to stay the night. That forced my hand on the whole ‘coming out’ angle. Not that I didn’t want to tell her. I was just hoping to be over this crush before I did. But I wasn’t going to let her stay the night without her knowing. It turns out I was worried for nothing. She was so great about it Mom, you wouldn’t believe. She even suggested we share the bed right after I told her. She just was curious about how long I’d known and if I’d had many girlfriends. That’s Willow. Curious about everything.

“And get this! We’re in the middle of talking, right, and I make some silly language joke. Before I know what’s going on, she’s pinning me to the bed and tickling me. I guess they don’t warn straight girls that a full half of all lesbian fantasies start with a tickle fight and turn into a make-out session. After I while I couldn’t take it anymore. I surrendered before I lost the will not to pin her to the bed and . . . well, do naughty things I wouldn’t tell my mother about, even if she can’t hear me. I’m so very, very glad she doesn’t have astral perception. She totally missed the look of “I want to jump you so bad right now” that I know I couldn’t keep in check. I’m sure she missed it because she then proceeds to collapse on top of me. I had to pinch myself. I was so sure I was dreaming. But no, I was awake, and the straight version of the girl of my dreams just WANTS TO SNUGGLE.

“I even managed to subtly confirm my assumption that she’s straight by pulling out the old ‘how long have you known your straight’ line. I prayed to every god and goddess in every pantheon that she’d correct me and say she’s bi, but to no avail. And before you start in on me, yes, I know it’s selfish to pray for something menial like that. But Mom, it felt so right, her cuddled into me like that. It was so amazingly perfect. I mean, I flat out told her I think she’s gorgeous and she didn’t flinch. Didn’t get up to move. Just fell asleep half on top of me. She has single-handedly redefined both ‘bittersweet’ and ‘masochistic’ for me.

“Now, since was the night of everything turning crazy, that wasn’t the end of it. No, instead in the middle of the night I wake up to her screaming. Instead of bubbly, happy Willow in my arms, I wake up to her screaming, soaked with sweat, and shaking something fierce. So, I started to comfort her, and BAM! She instantly relaxes, but only for a moment. She kisses my chest, making me think I’m dreaming, called me ‘Oz,’ (her ex), which made me think I wasn’t dreaming, and then she just tenses back up and starts shaking again. I think that was when she figured out it was me, because she started freaking out over the whole kissing thing. It paled in comparison to her screaming, so I don’t know why she made such a big deal about it. To make a long story short, she’s been having these really bad nightmares ever since her ex left her. I think he must have hit her or something. She denied it, but . . . she was so afraid, Mom.

“Oh, and somehow in the subsequent discussion I basically told her that not only did I think she’s gorgeous, but that I want to date her. It totally made sense at the time, but now I’m a little worried. This morning she didn’t stick around at all. It was so weird. She gave me a hug, and thanked me ‘for everything,’ but rushed off, saying that her roommate would be really worried if she didn’t meet her for breakfast. She was totally genuine about everything, and didn’t act embarrassed. But she woke up and within two minutes she was out the door. She’s so easy to read, but she’s so confusing at the same time. We never make plans ahead of time. She never asks when she can come over again, or says that she’ll see me soon or anything. She’s just here, and things are intense, and then she’s gone for days with no word, and then she suddenly shows up again. And why would her roommate be freaked if she didn't come home? Isn't this college? Isn't she single?

“So, that was my day. Pretty crazy, right? I think I need to go find a girlfriend. That might help me get over this crush. I saw a banner for a lesbian student alliance. I guess I could go there. If I were a single lesbian looking for a date, that’s where I’d go. Of course, I am a single lesbian looking for a date, so maybe it’s just wishful thinking that others have the same idea. I just hope there are more actual witches there than in the Wicca group. Ugh. I get this feeling that they all picked Wicca as a religion because it’s the one that would piss of their parents the most. Except Willow.” Tara stood up, and started pacing.

“See! Even when I’m trying to figure out a way to find a girlfriend so I stop thinking about Willow, I come back to thinking about Willow.” She walked over her desk, and grabbed a post-it. “That’s it, I need to focus. Let’s see, Willow doesn’t speak Latin, but she knows enough from magic to figure some things out. But Greek, she doesn’t speak any Greek.” Tara grabbed a pen and wrote herself a reminder in Greek:

January 25
Confirmed: Willow’s straight. Stop crushing on her before you lose control and do something stupid that costs you a friend.
Naughty thoughts are not welcome. Please stop now.


Tara stuck the note to the wall above her desk. After looking at it for a moment, she sat down to go over the protection spells. Every time her mind wandered back to Willow, she looked up at her note.

“This is going to take forever.”

_________________
More of a dog person, myself.
I'm from Iowa, we drive four hours for a high school football game.
Queen of HeartsThe Sincerest Form of FlatteryDrabbles


Last edited by BeMyDeputy on Wed Aug 25, 2010 12:28 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Queen of Hearts
PostPosted: Tue Aug 24, 2010 11:52 pm 
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Early Morning dibs!

First off, 7 Things to Do Before I'm 30 is the only Lifetime movie I've been able to watch from beginning to end. :) It was such a cute movie...and of course it didn't hurt that Amber was starring in it, either. ;-)

Secondly, I'm pretty sure that I'm kinda in love with this story. Your Tara character is lovely.

Awesome story and I can't wait for the next chapter!

~Angela

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 Post subject: Re: Queen of Hearts
PostPosted: Wed Aug 25, 2010 2:23 am 
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Awesome story! Its one of the few ones set in season four that I can keep up with and completely adore. I love Tara talking to her Mama about her Willow troubles. Can't wait for more.


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 Post subject: Re: Queen of Hearts
PostPosted: Wed Aug 25, 2010 5:03 am 
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Totally sweet update--more soon, please! I love Tara writing in Greek to hide her thoughts...doesn't she know how curious Willow is? She'll just see it as a challenge.

_________________
Wave ... The Wish of Three Hearts
The Yuletide Present ... In From the Cold

"We're in love. We're lovers. We're lesbian, gay-type lovers."


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 Post subject: Re: Queen of Hearts
PostPosted: Wed Aug 25, 2010 6:59 am 
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10. Troll Hammer

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Absolutely believeable train of thought here, well, umm, from my way-outside perspective. :blush
And yes, leaving a note around in *any* language, that Willow might see, a recipe for mischief :-).
My aunt told me back in the 90s that she still talked to my grandmother every day so I see where Tara's coming from.

_________________
Snapshots:http://thekittenboard.com/board/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=10210 a Love Story
____________________________________________________________
Kim: (breaks off the kissing) I l... (Sue stops her with a hand)
Sue: We don't talk about things like that right after, you know that, no saying those things in The Moment.
Kim: (moves the hand aside) Screw The Moment. I *love* you.


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 Post subject: Re: Queen of Hearts
PostPosted: Thu Aug 26, 2010 11:03 am 
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Heh. Keep telling yourself that Tara.

I am enjoying this...and yes, yes, feedback is QUITE addictive...

i'll supply you with more for more story....


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 Post subject: Re: Queen of Hearts
PostPosted: Sun Aug 29, 2010 1:32 am 
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@Everyone: Sorry for the delay, this section kicked my ass. I had the next section already written, and had to make everything tie up okay. Thanks for reading and enjoying and being patient.

@angieb86: You know, I haven't actually seen the film. Just found that clip when I was looking at this clipof Benson playing Janet for the Rocky Horror Anniversary. It's not on Netflix, and I can't even find a place to completely legally download it.

Also, my story enjoys hot chocolate, visits to the zoo, and potted--not cut--flowers. You know, if you had a desire to court it.

@Everyone who commented on the note: Why yes that was blatant telegraphing for future events. Some of which we'll see here.



Author: BeMyDeputy
Rating: PG-13 for this section (Language). Up to NC-17 for later installments.
Feedback: Welcome.
Notes: "In Which There Is Floating, Flirting, Filing, and Falling" takes place during the episode "A New Man."
Notes the second: If you don’t speak “Harry Potter,” Wingardium Leviosa is the hover charm, and Finite Incantatem ends a spell's effect. And yes, both of these spells appear in the books that were available to Willow at this point. I checked. Why yes I am a nerd, why do you ask?
Spoilers: This is season 4. If you haven't seen season 4, what are you doing here?
Content disclaimer (this section): Violence: No. Sex: No. Angst: No.
I Don't Own This Disclaimer: The entire Buffyverse (including setting, characters, and plot) is property of it's owners, including but not limited to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. No copyright infringement is intended by this work.
Acknowledgments: Thanks to my awesome beta reader, dlline, who says inspiring things like, “if this section kicked your ass, it doesn't sound that way in the telling.” /happydance


Chapter 1 Part 5: In Which There Is Floating, Flirting, Filing, and Falling (aka In which Willow is a huge fucking tease, that bitch)

“I have got the best idea.”

“W-Willow?” Tara urgently blinked the drowsiness from her eyes, and took in the sight before her. Willow was standing—no, bouncing—at her door, obviously both highly caffeinated and excited. Energy was just rolling off of her. Some of the sleep gone from her eyes, Tara focused on the book Willow as holding aloft and making dance in the air: Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone. “Um . . . come in.” Tara backed into her room, giving Willow room to enter.

Willow practically danced into the room. Wordlessly, she dropped her backpack next to Tara’s chair, and smoothly continued to the middle of the room, turned to face Tara, and plopped herself down in the middle of the floor. She looked up at Tara and gestured to a spot on the floor directly in front of her.

‘I’m dreaming. That has got to be it. Though I swear I was dreaming before the knock on the door woke me up. Dreaming about tickle fights turning into hot make out sessions. Damn it! I promised her I’d classify that as totally innocent. Technically . . . I didn’t promise I wouldn’t fantasize about totally innocent thi—NO. BAD. THOUGHTS.’ Tara glanced back at the reminder she’d written herself that afternoon. ‘Ye gods I need a girlfriend.’ She took a deep breath and sat down across from Willow.

“Wi--” Tara was cut off by a stern look and a rapidly raised finger that gestured for her to hold on. Willow brought the digit slowly to her lips, and Tara understood she was to be quiet. ‘What the hell is going on? When did,’ she glanced at the clock next to her bed, ’11:30 become ‘awesome Harry Potter idea’ hour? Come to think on it, when did it become 11:30?’ Tara would have continued to ask herself questions for which she had no answers, but Willow was moving purposefully now, and that captured all of her attention. Even if she were to find herself a girlfriend, Tara couldn’t imagine not being intrigued by watching Willow move. It was enchanting.

With a slow, over-exaggerated reverence, Willow placed the book on the floor between them. Reaching her right arm back behind herself, she produced, with a flourish, a foot-long one-inch diameter dowel. For a moment, she held the dowel in the air between them, and performed an excellent Vanna White impression with her left hand. She dropped the dowel down so it hung an inch above the surface of the book, which she then tapped twice. She raised her arm again, which gave her room to gesture.

Wingardium Leviosa.” In time with her words, Willow gave the impromptu wand a swish and a flick. Slowly, the book began to rise, and after a few moments, the book hovered steadily a full foot and half above the floor.

Tara looked from the book to Willow and then back to the book. It was perfect: the words, the pronunciation, the gesture, the timing. The blend of fiction and reality was seamlss. Smiling broadly, she looked back to Willow, who had an expectant look on her face. “That is the best idea!”

Willow beamed at Tara. She tapped the book once more and commanded “Finite Incantatem". The book fell to the floor. She jumped up and threw her hands in the air. “Jenga!”

“You win? W-what did you win?” Willow-ese was its own language, and Tara was pleased she was readily learning it.

“The ‘making Tara smile’ game. Duh.” Willow continued her victory dance.

“That’s a game now, is it?” ‘She’s not flirting. Totally innocent. Filing: go.’

“Of course. I like it when you smile. It’s pretty.”

‘Did she just sa—filing, filing, whatever filing is in Greek.’ Despite her best efforts to the contrary, Tara could feel the blood rushing to her cheeks.

Willow dropped down and sat back on her heels, looking at Tara straight on. “Besides, you have no idea how much better today has been compared to every other day since Oz left. Talking made such a huge difference. I wanted to say thank you, and I thought that trick would make you smile. I meant to drop by earlier, but there was an emergency; okay, that part kinda sucked, but the rest of the day was good. Wait . . . you totally looked all sleepy when I came in. I didn’t wake you, did I?”

Tara laughed, and fell backwards so that once again, she was lying facing the ceiling in the middle of the floor. “Mom, did I say twenty-four hours? That implied it was over. Add time on the surreal clock, please.” She closed her eyes and signed, contented. Life with Willow in it was weird. But it was a good weird.

When Tara opened her eyes, her vision was consumed by Willow’s face, looking confused. It only took a split second for Tara to realize exactly how this must be happening. A quick glance to the side confirmed it: Willow was on her hands and knees, one hand on either side of Tara’s head. She was leaning down low, so that only about six inches separated their faces. ‘I would barely have to lift my shoulders off the floor to kiss her. Which I’m not going to do. Not gonna think about doing it, either. No, I’m just going to gently tell her she’s being a tease. Any second n--’

“What clock?”

“Oh, right.” Tara was grateful for the distraction. She had never had to explain her discussions with her mom: no one had ever witnessed it before. Willow’s presence in her room was so normal, so natural; she hadn’t given any thought to addressing her mom while Willow was there. “I talk to my mom. Not like a séance. I just talk at my mom . . . technically at the idea of my mom.”

Willow still looked confused. “That part needs unpacking: the idea of her?”

“Okay, let me back up. As long humans have been aware that they die, they’ve speculated on what happens to the person’s soul, to use a modern term, after the body dies, right? The magical tradition Mom taught me has two positions on that front. The first is that what happens after you die is what you believe will happen. The s-second is the belief that reincarnation is optimal for nature-based magic users: since some of the magical ability stays with the soul, reincarnation keeps magic-empowered souls around, as well as increasing that soul’s connection with the Earth. Mom wanted to be reincarnated, so as far as I’m concerned, she was. That means I couldn’t talk to her even if I could pull off the right magic: she has someone else she needs to be.”

“That . . . wow. That’s a really neat idea. I like it.” Willow smiled down at Tara. “But you didn’t tell me what clock.”

‘She’s not moving. Okay, this is officially too much of a turn on to let continue.’ “Uh, Willow?”

“Yeah?”

“Do remember how yesterday I told you that I’m into you?”

“Yep.” Willow nodded, cheerfully, still unmoving.

“I want you to think about how you’re kneeling right now. And unless you’re planning on kissing me in the next, say, t-thirty seconds, I’d like you to check your mental definition of the verb ‘to tease.’ Could you do either one of those for me? Though I warn you that the first one would be pretty hard to file under ‘totally innocent.’”

Willow started to chuckle, but stopped abruptly. Tara watched Willow’s eyes move to each of her arms in turn. Embarrassment and abject horror oscillated on on her face as she pushed herself back on her heels.

“Um . . . I . . . yeah, okay, I could see that was . . . sorry. Not trying to . . . . “

“I know. Really, it’s okay. I asked you to move, and you did. I told you last night: it’s not a problem unless I ask you to do stop and you don’t. I don’t expect you to divine what’s going to be over the line.” Despite Tara’s reassurances, Willow still looked slightly uncomfortable. Tara moved to rescue her. “So, the clock bit. Earlier I told Mom that I’d had a really crazy twenty four hours, what with the rose and coming out and you being wonderful about it. But now you show up and are adorable. So, the surreal clock shouldn’t be over yet.”

“You talk to you mom about me?”

“Well, sure. I mean, growing up Mom was my best friend. I always talked to her about everything important in my life. Observations on my day. Girl t-troubles. Everything.”

“So, do I count as observable or trouble?” Willow’s smile had returned, and was accompanied by a hint of . . . pride?

‘She picks up on everything. Which is part of her charm. Everything . . . is going to include post-it notes written in languages she doesn’t understand. Time to work out a plausible lie. But first . . . .’ Tara sat up, and looked Willow in the eye. “You . . . are fishing for compliments.”

“Me?” Willow sputtered. “How so?” Were it not for the huge grin on her face, Tara might have believed the act that Willow as was aghast at the accusation. Yet there it was.

“You,” Tara whispered, as she leaned in conspiratorially, “asked if you’re ‘observable’ so you could hear me tell you you’re pretty again. I suppose saying you’re being adorable wasn’t enough. And you asked if you counted as ‘girl trouble’, because you wanted to hear me say that I am deeply upset with the universe for your straightness.” Tara sat back, and left the whisper behind. “Both.”

“You are too damned smart, you know that?” Willow protested, a child caught with her hand in the complement jar.

“I’m sure that rates highly on your reasons not to date me. I can see it now.” Tara mimed writing out a list. “One: can keep up with me smarts-wise. Two: has conversations with dead people. Three.” Tara paused, and looked thoughtful. “Oh yeah! Girl.”

Willow’s grin turned evil. “Oh yes, I was planning to enumerate those for myself tonight. Thanks for taking care of that. I wouldn’t want to have forgotten and accidentally asked you out before I got the chance.”

“Okay, now you’re teasing me on purpose.”

“Maaaaybe.“

Tara grinned. Willow was clearly relaxing, falling into playful banter. She glanced at her the books on her desk, and made a decision. “Hey, apropos of nothing . . . can you help me with something?” Tara stood, and reached out her hands to help Willow up.

“Sure need me to fix your--” Willow glanced around the room. “I mean, build you a computer? How do you not own a computer? How did I not notice you the lack of computer in this room? How do make me so damned inobservant?”

“No, easy, distraction, and by being extremely compelling.”

Willow laughed. “So, whatcha need?”

“See all those?” Tara nodded at the desk. “Each is open to a spell. They’d be stronger with your help. You up for it?”

“Am I ever not up for magic?” Willow approached the desk. Immediately, she pointed at Tara’s reminder. “Greek, right?”

“Hmm? Oh, that. Yeah, Greek. I take it for my classics major.” ‘Totally staying calm.’

“What’s it say?”

‘Of course.’ “Oh, it’s just a reminder to do the assignment for next week.” ‘That’s right, Mom, this girl has me telling lies in my room. Not just boring lies of omission, bald-faced lies.’

“I’m in your homework?”

“What?” ‘No, no, not cool, getting caught in my own lie not okay . . . but, Willow hates non-computer languages. She can’t read my note. No, calm down, if she could read it she wouldn’t have asked what it said. Okay, unless she’s really, really mean. Which she’s not.’

Much to Tara’s dismay, Wilow pointed right at her name. “That, right there, is the phonetic spelling of my name. It’s not the word for the tree--I forget what that is, but they’re different. See, here,” Willow tapped her name. “That’s the closest you can get to ‘Willow’ using Greek sounds.”

“H-how do you know that?”

“Oh!” Willow bounced. “I can write my name in lots of languages. Paper?”

Numbly, Tara pointed at a notebook on the table.

“Okay, so here’s the IPA--international phonetic alphabet--pronunciation of my name.” Willow carefully wrote ‘wɪloʊ on the page. And here’s how you right those sounds in Hebrew (that’s the first one I learned; weird since it’s mostly vowel sounds) . . . Arabic . . . and Japanese katakana, only two letters: ヰロ . . . oh, and this is the kanji for the tree . . . and Sanskrit . . . and Greek. See? It matches.”

“I . . . I thought you hated languages. Well, non-computer languages, anyway.” ‘I could have written ‘she.’ We wouldn’t be having this discussion if I’d just written ‘she.’ Not like I’d forget whichgirl I’m busy lamenting the straightness of. And that thought ended in a proposition, but I don’t really care right now.’

“I do. Learning Hebrew for my Bat Mitzvah pretty much turned me off to the whole idea. But figuring out my name isn’t language. It’s finding the right code for the sounds that mean me. And now that I say it out loud, it’s incredibly vain, but . . . it’s a puzzle. I like that kind of puzzle.”

“It doesn’t sound vain. It just sounds like you.” Despite the fact it was throwing a wrench in her plans, the page filled with different ways to write ‘Willow’ was endearing. 'I have got to keep that page.'

“You don’t get off the hook that easily, though. Why am I in your homework?”

‘Damn.’ “Oh, we’re supposed to write a paragraph that employs the use of both the aorist and the imperfect tense--two different past tenses with different meanings. So I thought I’d write up how we met. Don’t worry, though. It can sound like fiction.”

“Neat. Soon, our soda-machine moving magical muscle will be immortalized. In Greek.” Willow flexed. “Though less alliterative, I imagine.” Seemingly satisfied, Willow turned her attention to the books. “Ooh! Spells!” After glancing at the top few books, Willow turned to Tara. “Uh, Tara? Are we blessing a church?”

“Nooo . . . .”

“These spells . . . this is a sanctuary spell . . . this is a warding spell . . . this is a blessing . . . . If were not blessing a church, where are are we casting these spells?”

“Here.”

“You want to turn your room into a sanctuary?”

“It already is.” Since she’d decided to involve Willow in the protection and blessing of her room, Tara knew this conversation was coming. The ‘what’ of her possessiveness about her room was something she didn’t mind sharing. But she hoped Willow wouldn’t press the ‘why.' Tara was determined that Willow never know that Donnie existed, let alone know what a cruel sibling he had been. At the same time, telling Willow that she didn’t want to talk about it would just make her more curious; since Tara was so comfortable telling her anything else, it would stick out. And Willow noticed things being out of the ordinary.

“I don’t get it.”

“My room, this space: this is where I’m free to be me. I don’t have to be brave here. But take me out of this room . . . that all wilts. I don’t feel secure anywhere else. I pull into myself. You saw me at the Wicca group. I just get all shy and nervous and . . . .” Tara rolled her eyes. “Not to mention my s-stutter gets a million times worse.”

“You stutter?” Willow looked genuinely taken aback.

“Yes . . . Willow, I just stuttered the word ‘stutter.’ How could you not notice?” Tara eyed her up and down, and everything screamed ‘surprised:’ posture, facial expression, and aura. Nowhere could Tara detect any inkling that Willow was pulling her leg. “And . . . you’re totally not kidding me.”

“Why would I kid about something like that? That would be really mean.” She paused for a moment, pensive. “Seriously? You stutter?”

‘God I love he—nonofucknoFUCKNONO! I am not falling in love with her, no matter how endearing she is or how I feel safe letting her in to my space to the point I want her to help me bless it or how amazingly hot she is or how she’s actually a witch—okay, that line of thought is over now.’ In an attempt to hide the blush she once again felt rapidly forming on her cheeks, Tara dropped her head and looked pointedly at the floor.

“Hey.” Tara felt Willow’s finger on her chin, urging it back up. “Don’t be embarrassed. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. I honestly never noticed, so I was just surprised.”

“Oh, i-it’s okay. I just . . . I got made fun of a lot as a kid. I don’t like thinking about it too much.” ‘And technically, none of that is a lie. Not why I looked embarrassed, but still all true.’

Willow frowned. “Jerks.” Willow’s eyes went wide. “Is it really nearly midnight?”

“Well, you knocked at about 11:30, so that makes sense.”

“I did? No wonder you looked all sleepy. I woke you up, didn’t I? But . . . you're dressed.”

“Oh, yeah, I guess I must have fallen asleep looking all of these up. I wasn’t in bed or anything.”

“Well, we need to be rested for all these spells. Protections spells are draining, and if we do them tired, they won’t work very well. Are you free tomorrow? I could come over after dinner. Maybe seven? Though, you have a lot of spells here . . . no way we’ll have the energy to do all of these in one night, even with mochas. Might take all week. What do you think?”

Part of Tara was curious how Willow knew so much about protection spells. That part was completely drowned out by the part that was just tickled that Willow was interested in making plans ahead of time. Lots of plans. Regular plans. “I’m free all week after six, so, yeah, seven works for me.”

“But now I think there should be sleep.” Willow smiled hopefully at Tara.

“Willow, you’re free to spend the night whenever you want. Including tonight.”

“I was hoping you’d say that. I came prepared, see?” Willow grabbed her bag, and opened it to reveal blue pajamas.

“The boy scouts would be very proud, I’m sure,” Tara chuckled.

“Great! Homophobic misogynistic Christians would be proud.” Willow scowled.

“Good thing they have ointment for that burn. Bitter much?”

“Boy scouts got to do knots and have pocket knives. When I was six, all I wanted was to be a boy scout. Then mom explained that I couldn’t join because I was a girl. I was pretty upset.”

“Poor baby. Well, I learned all about knots and pocket knives on the farm. I can teach you.”

“Yay! Sleepovers and knots.You’re the best, you know that?” Willow threw her arms around Tara in a big hug. Tara returned the gesture, her eyes locked on her post-it note.

“Oh, shit! My book!” Willow ran over to the forgotten Harry Potter book, still on the floor. “Can’t let this get stepped on.”

“I meant to ask: how did you end up with a UK copy? I mean, the US version calls it the ‘Sorcerer's Stone,’ since we’re too uneducated to understand the reference.”

Willow looked proudly at her book. “My friend Giles is British and a librarian. He’s helping me collect them. This is a first edition, and look.” Willow opened the cover to reveal a squiggle penned on the title page.

“You have a signed first edition?” There were few possessions Tara could imagine being jealous about. This turned out to be one she didn’t need to imagine.

“You bet. I have all three, all first editions, all UK editions, and every one is signed. Like I said, my friend Giles is helping me collect them.”

“Wow. That’s some friend you’ve got.”

“Well, when you’re one of the only people who visits the library at all, let alone daily, you make friends with the librarian. Oh, yeah, he’s not just any librarian. He was my high school librarian. We got to be pretty good friends.”

“That’s pretty cool.” Tara found herself struggling to keep her eyes open. “Bedtime?”

“Oh, right, bedtime. Good idea.” Willow grabbed her backpack, and moved for the door. “I’ll be right back.”


Fifteen minutes later, Tara found herself in absolute heaven: once again, Willow had fallen asleep in her arms, cuddling into her. The warmth on her chest and the look of peace on Willow’s face left Tara feeling completely secure, despite the fact she hadn’t managed to cast a single protection spell that day. “Mom?” she whispered, once she was certain Willow was asleep.

“I think I’m falling in love.”

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Last edited by BeMyDeputy on Thu Sep 02, 2010 1:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Queen of Hearts
PostPosted: Sun Aug 29, 2010 2:30 am 
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Hey! I got a dibs!!!!

I haven't been leaving lots of feedback lately, but this story is just great. May I say I'm delighted you're using Greek? I studied Greek in highschool, great language. I'm still a little puzzled about how you'd spell Willow in Greek though. They don't exactly have a 'W'. Sorry if I get carried away, that's the Greek-geek speaking :p

Anyway, great story. I love the playful tension between the two of them, only, when is Willow gonna realise there's a beautiful girl just waiting for her??? Honestly, when she found out Tara was into her, I thought it wouldn't really take much longer...

It won't, will it?

Anyway, keep it up! :kitty

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 Post subject: Re: Queen of Hearts
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I'm glad you like the Greek; a friend of mine was a classics major, which prompted the idea. I've only studied English, Spanish, French, and Japanese formally. And linguistics. But I had to write a Spanish paper one time for that used the preterite and the imperfect, so I looked up the Greek equivalent.

If you look closely, I actually say it's the closest you can get to "Willow" in Greek. I think that the best approximation of Willow is υιλω, but I that's based on Wikipedia. The initial dipthong is a stretch, yes, but it's the closest I can see. Also, Diphthong is a cool word. So is portmanteau.

Language rocks.

I'm also a big fan of the banter. I spent a lot of time flirting with hot straight girls in high school; I knew they were straight, so it was just fun for me, and they knew that I knew, and that I was just having a good time, so it turned into a game rather than stress. I wanted to try to capture some of that feeling.

And now, not long: part three of the next chapter; this was the last part of chapter one.

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 Post subject: Re: Queen of Hearts
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Enjoying this quite a bit.

I love how Tara's dorm is her sanctuary (much as the room they share/shared at Buffy's did) when she explains what that means to her to Willow.

I also liked her explanation on her belief and talking to her deceased mother, nicely done.

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 Post subject: Re: Queen of Hearts
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Quote:
Also, Diphthong is a cool word. So is portmanteau.

:rofl

Wish I had your confidence, flirting with hot straight girls :p. I used to have a huge crush on a straight girl in my class. I got over it though ;)

And yay on coming-soon kissage! :kitty

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 Post subject: Re: Queen of Hearts
PostPosted: Sun Aug 29, 2010 6:24 am 
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Oh man, definitely my favorite chapter so far. Hearing Tara's internal monologue as she speaks to her mother, trying to fight her love for Willow, is just enchanting. Willow is pure Willow, bouncing, energetic, and a bit clueless. I love that they are comfortable enough to tease, and I love love loved that Willow knows her name in so many languages. I do kind of wish Tara had told her the truth at that point, but again, I have a feeling Willow's curiosity is going to kick in. Please update soon? :wtkiss :kgeek

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 Post subject: Re: Queen of Hearts
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I grew up in Ames, IA: highly liberal college town. I was friends with a bunch of professors kids, and if they went to church, it was to the Unitarian Universalist church. Or were pagan.

So basically, no one gave two shits I liked girls, and my straight crushes were just flattered.

I had it easy. Hell, my friends were more surprised that I started dating my now-fiance (yeah one -e) than when I dated my first girlfriend. College towns rock.

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 Post subject: Re: Queen of Hearts
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I hope you update soon! I can't wiat for the next chapter!


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 Post subject: Re: Queen of Hearts
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I'm sure by the next update Willow will have studied Greek so she can read Tara's "story." Seeing what Tara really wrote will help her realize her own feelings. Update soon.


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 Post subject: Re: Queen of Hearts
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Oh this is delicious – another story you can really sink your teeth into. I simply adore these stories with their full plot workout. From their humble beginnings and undeniable chemistry to the mixed emotions and finally, the shared love – it’s going to be another beautiful journey. I’ve loved the first few chapters so far – full of depth, humour and compassion. I’m impressed with how “in-character” you’ve written them and how smooth their conversations feel. Not always an easy thing to master, but you seem to have nailed it! Very much looking forward to reading more.


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 Post subject: Queen of Hearts Chapter 2 Part 1
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@Everyone Hey all, the chapter after this is almost ready for beta-ing, so here's the next one. It's neat to pull quiet folk into commenting. It makes me feel all special.

I've worked really hard to make sure that the characters we see later on in the series don't just appear de novo, but rather that they're natural extensions of who they were when they were younger. I have scenes that would take place in season six and seven in my head that helped me figure out who the characters are now. This includes a totally sweet scene of Dawn verbally bitch-slaping Tara during "Entropy" that I hope I eventually get to write up. In case you wanted to know just how far out I've plotted character development. Anywho, I'm getting the sense that I'm accomplishing this, which makes me very happy.

@vampyregurl73: I loved Tara's line about the room being a place where you could be scared. I think it says a lot about the world they all live in, where you're literally fighting for your life and the life of your loved ones on a daily basis, you need somewhere or something where you can just be all, "crap, rain of toads! FUCK!!!!"

@LonelyTara: I'm glad you liked it. Like I said, this section was really hard to write. I was like "okay, I've got this awesome Harry Potter move . . . and somehow make a whole section out of it, and it has to hook up to this scene I've already written." Tara's hard to write for me because I'm a total nerd and think very much like Willow speaks. But I think a lot of my strongest writing so far has been Tara's POV.

@BuffyFan4ever Willow would do a lot, and I mean a lot, for Tara. But learn a human language? Bah. I bet there's a translate spell out there somewhere. Way easier to learn than Greek. This is Willow, after all.

@inspiron I'm glad that the characters come off as true to canon. I have spent . . . a number of hours I don't care to admit to . . . watching seasons 4-6 on repeat, along with several episodes of 7 that are informative about Willow's character. All for the sake of getting the voices of the characters, mind you. Nothing to do with eye candy. /cough. One day I watched "The Body" like three or four times, just because it's so damn informative about all the characters.



Author: BeMyDeputy
Rating: G for this section. Up to NC-17 for later installments Much later, so chill.
Feedback: Welcome.
Notes: The entirety of Chapter 2, including " In Which There is Poker, Prayer, and Divine Intervention" takes place during "The I in Team"
Spoilers: This is season 4. If you haven't seen season 4, what are you doing here?
Content disclaimer (this section): Violence: No. Sex: No. Angst: No.
I Don't Own This Disclaimer: The entire Buffyverse (including setting, characters, and plot) is property of it's owners, including but not limited to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. No copyright infringement is intended by this work. "The I in Team" was written by David Fury.
Acknowledgments: Thanks to my awesome beta reader, dlline, who sounds like she'll beat me if the symbolism gets too heavy-handed, for which I am extremely grateful. Because Hawthorne was a shittry writer. Fucking Puritans.

Chapter 2 Part 1: In Which There is Poker, Prayer, and Divine Intervention.
aka In Which Nesia Aims the Cluestick

Willow examined the five cards before her. She held the Ace, King and Jack of hearts, the seven of spades and the four of clubs. She knew her hand had a lot of potential; with the right cards, her hand could become a straight, a flush, or even—with the right two hearts—an Ace-high straight flush, the best hand in the game. But with the wrong cards, it would become an ace-high pile of almost-something, which didn’t win many hands.

That was the thing about poker. You had to have faith about what to discard and make do with whatever came your way next. Maybe that’s why she didn’t like the game. You had to give up what you knew you had for the mere chance at success. She was pretty sure there was a metaphor for growing up buried in there somewhere, so she tucked the thought away to polish and impress an English teacher with someday.

In the here and now, however, Xander was looking at her expectantly, needing to know how many cards to deal to her. Math. She needed math. Statistics. Her brain started calculating odds easily, as she breathed in the information from the front of her cards and exhaled evaluations and probabilities. She would toss the two black cards, and hope for high pairs or hearts.

Hearts. Hearts made her think of roses. Roses reminded her of Tara, who was in her dorm studying for a test tomorrow morning; the test was why Willow was playing poker with Anya in a dank basement rather than finishing the last of the protection spells on the vanilla- and jasmine-scented room where she now spent so much of her time. The room where she had, for the first time since Oz left, peacefully slept through the night.

‘Tara doesn’t keep a calculator in her frontal lobe. How would she do this?’ Willow pondered. Smoothly, Willow shifted her brain from mathematical to supernatural, a common gear-shift whenever her thoughts alighted on Tara. Statistics was about chance. Knowing the odds didn’t change what happened. Then it came to her:

“I implore you, Neisa, blessed goddess of chance and fortune, heed my call: Send to me the heart I desire....” ‘The queen,’ she continued silently, ‘would be perfect. The queen and--’

“You know magic at the poker table qualifies as cheating,” Xander chided, interrupting her thoughts of how her hand needed the ten, as well, in order to get the straight flush.

“That wasn’t magic, I was praying,” retorted Willow. She pulled the unwanted cards from her hand. “Two please.”

Xander dealt her the top two cards from the deck, and moved on to coax Anya into abiding by the rules. Meanwhile, Willow looked at the first of her new cards in disbelief: the ten of hearts. The card she hadn’t asked for, due to Xander’s oh-so-rude (if unknowing) interruption, was in her hand. No prayer, just chance. The only thing missing from her life was the queen of hearts. She held her breath as her thumb gently moved it aside to reveal her fifth card.

The seven of clubs. She frowned, briefly, and then remembered she was playing poker, and therefore it was time to implement her best poker face. ‘Like resolve-face’ she thought, ‘only different.’ She grabbed a pretzel, and chewed it with what she hoped was a thoughtful sort of way, rather than an oh-crap-now-I-have-nothing-and-am-trying-to-hide-my-disappointment sort of way. Willow was grateful that Anya was distracting Xander with her disgruntled attitude toward the whole “games have rules” aspect of the evening. Thinking Neisa simply hadn’t heard her prayer, Willow turned her attention to the fascinating, if confounding, dynamic between Xander and Anya.

*****

Across town, Tara was cramming for her mythology exam. Cramming wasn’t generally her style, but she’d been pleasantly distracted all week. So here she was, twelve hours before the exam, sprawled across her bed, trying to make up for the hours she’d spent on the business of setting up protection spells on her room and the fun of Willow’s new favorite activity: recreating spells from Harry Potter. Tara was certain that one of the essay questions would be about the role of the gods in The Odyssey. As she began to outline how she would answer such a question, the pen she was using ran out of ink.

Tara frowned at her pen, not pleased at the interruption, as she was already behind schedule. Sighing, she moved over to the desk to retrieve another cartridge for her pen. Opening the appropriate drawer, Tara spotted the dolls-eye crystal she had brought from home. Smiling, she allowed herself a moment to think about the reason she was cramming in the first place: Willow. For the first time since her mother died, Tara had someone to talk to about magic. Since she’d met Willow, Tara felt more like herself than she had since her mother had gotten sick; she felt like she belonged. ‘Willow would love this. She ran her fingers gently over the top of the plum-colored crystal before moving on to the ink she needed.

*****

Willow’s prayer answered, Nesia moved along, smugly thinking that Poseidon was a boring god, anyway.

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 Post subject: Re: Queen of Hearts
PostPosted: Mon Aug 30, 2010 2:52 am 
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Dibs, come back later!

So she is getting the Queen of Hearts in Tara, sweet... Poseidon, eh, if you were all prune-y all the time you'd be cranky too. But then you could argue he's all washed up and that's why he's boring...

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 Post subject: Re: Queen of Hearts
PostPosted: Mon Aug 30, 2010 4:11 am 
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This was a good and sweet one, if a bit short. Next, please!

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 Post subject: Re: Queen of Hearts
PostPosted: Mon Aug 30, 2010 10:22 pm 
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is just me or the update was really short?I started to think that I'm addicted to your fic..update pleeasee.. :pray
can't wait for the next :kgeek

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 Post subject: Re: Queen of Hearts Chapter 2 Part 2
PostPosted: Tue Aug 31, 2010 12:21 am 
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@vampyregurl73 You win a shiny nickel!

@Everyone See, that was the start of a new chapter. Like a teaser. The first section of chapter 1 is short, too. Glad to know people like this enough to bitch that there isn't more. Well, this is neither short nor sweet, so I hope you're happy.

Just a quick warning, my classes start tomorrow, and then this Thursday I'm going to Seattle for PAX. I'll try not to leave it here until next week, but no promises.


Author: BeMyDeputy
Rating: PG-13 (language) for this section. Up to NC-17 for later installments Much later, so chill.
Feedback: Welcome.
Notes: The entirety of Chapter 2, including "In Which Willow and Tara Face Things They Would Rather Not" takes place during "The I in Team"
Spoilers: This is season 4. If you haven't seen season 4, what are you doing here? (Psst. Willow and Tara get together. Not here. But soon.)
Content disclaimer (this section): Violence: No. Sex: No. Angst: Yes
I Don't Own This Disclaimer: The entire Buffyverse (including setting, characters, and plot) is property of it's owners, including but not limited to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. No copyright infringement is intended by this work. "The I in Team" was written by David Fury.
Acknowledgments: Thanks to my awesome beta reader, dlline, who is willing to nitpick little shit. Which is incredibly awesome.


Chapter 2 Part 2: In Which Willow and Tara Face Things They Would Rather Not
aka In which there is angst.


“It's just that it's kind of a specific crowd and you might feel out of place.”

Tara felt like she’d been kicked in the stomach for the second time in as many minutes. ‘Away. I need away. Anywhere that’s away. Now.’

“I’d better get to class.” No, class wasn’t for forty-five minutes. Yes, Willow knew when her class started: the long break between her classes that was after Willow's last class that afternoon was why they’d made plans to meet in the first place. But it was the first destination that occurred to her. Tara stood, focused on the novel but urgent need to be far, far away from Willow. Tara heard Willow’s voice, but hurt too much to parse the sound into language. When the sound stopped, Tara nodded numbly, completely unaware of with what exactly she had agreed. Willow didn’t stop her departure, so if she had just called Tara on why she suddenly needed to be at class forty minutes early, she wasn’t doing anything about it.

On the off chance that Willow was watching her leave, Tara waited until she’d made a turn to break into a full run. Tara made it outside to the courtyard before realizing just why fleeing, panicked, through a college building was making her feel so much worse. The image of a dripping, recently-beating heart a mere two feet from her face flashed through her mind and the smell of blood and guts suddenly assaulted her; they felt as real as they had been all those weeks ago. Running had been a bad plan.

Abruptly, Tara turned and re-entered the building. Thankfully there was a women’s room next to the entrance. Tara wasn’t sure whether the past or present was throwing more fuel of the fire of her nausea. She waited in the bathroom stall she couldn’t remember navigating her way inside. She waited for the physical release of crying or vomiting. She waited for her body to eject something in a vain attempt to expel how she was feeling.

Nothing happened.

Her stomach cramped. Her eyes stung. But neither would cooperate in Tara’s effort to focus on any sensation aside from the pain in her chest.

Tara wanted to be at home. Her whole life she’d addressed problems by talking them out. Even when she was young and afraid to tell her mother that Donnie, not the stairs, was the reason for her limp, she dealt with things by talking them out alone in her room. She checked her pocket watch, depressed but unsurprised. The 35 minutes she had before she needed to get to class was an eternity to sit heartbroken in a bathroom, but a blink of an eye compared to the time it would take to go home, cry, deal, and prepare to go to class.

Certain though she was that she was quite alone in the restroom, the thought of locking the door to the room and trying to cope here never crossed her mind. Too many times she had thought she was alone in the barn or in the fields, only to be overheard by her brother.

Writing was the closest she was going to get to talking, so she pulled a notebook from the stack of books she’d somehow managed not to lose. As she flipped through in search of a blank page, Tara paused at the page she hoped she wouldn’t see: the page Willow had written out almost a week ago. She ran her fingers over the lines and shapes, heralding from across the globe and time, unified by their significance: Willow.

Tara felt the tears she had begged for just moments ago well up, but she no longer wanted them. Gingerly, she turned several pages in an effort to keep any tears that did fall from damaging that precious page. Though it hurt to look at it now, she knew she’d never forgive herself if let it get wet.

Tara drew two lines down the blank page in front of her. At the top of the left column she wrote, “1) Why did I offer her the crystal?” At the top of the center column she wrote, “2) Why didn’t she take the crystal? ” and the right column she entitled “3) Why does it hurt? The next page she bisected, creating the columns “4) Why didn’t she invite me to meet her friends?” and “5) Why does it hurt?

Though the first page held the most important questions, Tara began on the second page: these questions were far easier to answer.

4) Why didn’t she invite me to meet her friends?
I don’t know.
She told me. She was worried I’d feel out of place.
Why would she think I would feel out of place?
She spent all week turning my room into a magically-impenetrable fortress, during which time you told her it’s the only place you feel safe.
I’d feel safe with her.
She doesn’t know that.
Rats.

5) Why does it hurt?
Because rejection sucks
Was she rejecting me? Or protecting me?
. . . Protecting.
Is protection the same as rejection?
No. . . . Smartass.
So why does it hurt?
Because I want to be a part of her life.
She spent all week with me. I AM a part of her life. Her high school friends are important to her, that’s probably who she meant. She should spend some time with them.
But I want to meet them.
Why?
We’re close. I should meet her friends.
Why?
Because . . . I want them to like me.
Riiight. And when she started flirting with me in front of her friends, what would I do?
Probably . . . die. They wouldn’t know it was a game.
So?
So I don’t want them to think she’s flirting with me for real.
Why?
Because it’s too hard not to take it seriously now. If they treated it like it was real, she’d explain it was a just a game. And that would hurt.
Why? You just said it was a game.
But I don’t want it to be a game.
You know she’s straight. She’d never flirt like that if she actually liked you; personal things like that make her uncomfortable like me leaving my room.
Yeah, but . . . that sucks.
Oh, no, I have a crush on a straight girl. Poor baby. Grow up! Every queer woman on the face of the planet has dealt with this. I’m a lesbian witch who hasn’t been burned at the stake, drowned, married off to some random guy regardless of my wishes, or thrown out of the house. I’m fucking lucky.
It’s not just a cru—
Yes, it is. All it’s ever going to be. She doesn’t like me. She’s not capable of liking me. What happened to the ‘get a rebound-esque girlfriend’ plan?
I don’t want a girlfriend who isn’t Wi-
Don’t even write it. Not going to happen. Also, if you write her name, she’ll find this and read it. Even if you shred it and then burn it. She’ll find a way.
But—
No. That lesbian alliance meets on Wednesdays. Go after your class.
I . . .
Just do it.

Tara frowned at the page. She knew she was right. But she didn’t like it. Once more she looked at her watch, but this time discovered she needed to go to class. After a moment of staring at the page of more important questions, she scribbled Because the past week has felt so close to dating I don’t like being reminded it isn’t. And that fucking sucks across the page, covering all three columns. She ripped both pages out of her notebook, and shoved them into her back pocket. That ‘shred then burn’ plan sounded like a good one.

*****

Tara was leaving forty minutes before she needed to in order to make it to her class. That was bad.

Tara wouldn’t look her in the eye. That was very bad.

“I'll see you later, okay?”

Tara nodded, but continued to walk off.

‘She’s hurting. She’s hurting, and it’s my fault.’ Tara had looked so . . . broken. Willow had never seen Tara like that. Though she’d tried to laugh off the situation before she left, it felt totally wrong. ‘That wasn’t smiling. I’ve seen her smile. I’ve spent all week playing ‘Make Tara Smile.’ And winning.’ Sure, both corners of her mouth had strained upwards, but there was no joy in it. Tara looked at her when she smiled. Her eyes didn’t dart around the room like something was going to come up and smack her when she smiled. That ... that wasn’t smiling.

Willow watched helplessly as Tara disappeared around a corner. For a moment, she was tempted to chase after her. ‘And say what, exactly? ‘I know you told me how you don’t feel secure outside of your room, and I thought I’d use that highly private knowledge to crush you in public?’ Yeah, that’d go over well.’ Or, ‘you know, you told me you were a totally different person in public, and it turns out I’m a dummy and don’t know how to talk to you; could you find a translator and tell you I’m really, really sorry I made you sad.’ That would make things better. Wait, no, worse. I keep getting those confused.'

‘Why didn’t she suggest any other night?!’ She wished desperately that she could have taken Tara up on her offer, or simply bring Tara with her tonight. But Scooby-time was what the deal the group had all made.

‘Well, that was a blossoming friendship, until I screwed it up. With my luck, I’ve upset her and she’ll never want to see me again.’ Willow bemoaned. ‘I saw she was upset, and instead of just saying I was busy, and that tomorrow would be better and shutting my damn fool mouth, I point out that I was specifically not inviting her to meet other friends of mine.

‘No. I’m going to make this up to her. I want this to work. I need this to work.’ Tara was the one person she could talk to about magic, and now that Riley was monopolizing Buffy, and Xander was impossible to speak to without Anya around, spending time with Tara above and beyond shop talk was increasingly appealing. Plus, Tara was simply a pleasure to be around.

Willow looked up, surprised to notice a wood door labeled 214 in front of her; she hadn't consciously decided to go home.

Every time she went thought about how Tara looked, the knot in her stomach got bigger. This feeling of grief over hurting Tara had felt achingly familiar from the moment Tara departed, but she couldn’t place it until she stumbled into her empty room.

The fluke fallout.

That’s where she’d felt this before. Her knees barely lasted the short walk to the bed. The look on Oz’s face . . . when Willow played that memory, the knot in her stomach, the guilt at causing that pain, they felt the same. There was a high degree of overlap for the satellite feelings as well: the dread of potential loss, the knowledge that she was the one in the wrong, the overpowering desire to go back in time and take it back, because whatever consequences there existed for messing up a timeline were surely worth relieving the victims of her cruelty of their pain.

‘Okay, now I know where I know this feeling from . . . but why should I be feeling it again now? Yes, I’m upset that I hurt Tara; I don’t want to see her hurting. Guilt, sure: totally comprehensible. But I was dating Oz. I’m not dating Tara. We’ve talked about the fact we’re not dating every day for a week. I shouldn’t be feeling this way. Gut-wrenching guilt about my being . . . well, a total bitch, yes. But I shouldn’t be feeling this. It doesn’t add up.’

Willow knew she needed some quality best friend time to sort this out.. Maybe Buffy could help her figure out why there’s this strange overlap from the fluke fallout. She glanced at the clock. It was 4:30, and she wasn’t supposed to meet Buffy and Xander at the Bronze until 8:00. ‘Over three hours? I don’t want to fret over this for the next three and a half hours.’

Buffy would be out with Riley this time of day; at least, if the rotation of the Earth was any indication. Maybe she could talk to Xander about this. Willow picked up the phone, and dialed Xander’s number.

“Harris residence, Anya speaking.” Fuck. Anya. Willow did not want to talk to Anya. If Anya was there, chances where Xander would be busy until tonight as well.

“Uh, hi Anya. Is Xander there?” She could have just hung up, but she’d spent too much time today being socially inept.

“If he weren’t here, would I bother answering the phone? His parents can deal with the phone.”

“I guess not.”

“Was that all?”

“Uh, no, I was hoping to actually talk to Xander. Would you put him on? Please?”

“Why didn’t you just say so? XANDER! Willow wants you. It had better not be in a sexy way.” Willow pulled the receiver away from her head a moment too late; Anya just hadn’t managed to learn to pull the phone away from her mouth when shouting.

“Hey Will, what’s up?”

“Hey, I was just wondering what your plans were before we Bronze it up tonight?”

“Uh, well, Anya and I were going to have dinner in a bit here, then we’re going shopping, and then meeting you and Buff at the Bronze. You got trouble?”

“Shopping!? Xander, I thought you said we were having--”

“Anya! Not now! So . . . Will, please tell me we’re not spending the night in the cemetery or Giles’ instead of at the Bronze. I haven’t seen Buffy in weeks. That, and there are very few potential Boost Bar buyers in either of those places.”

“No, no trouble. I was just wondering if you wanted to hang . . . . “ She sighed. “You go sex up your woman. I’ll see you tonight.

“Thanks for understanding, Will; you’re the best. We can hang this weekend. We could rent a Bollywood film, and you can explain what’s going on every ten minutes. It’ll be like old times.”

“That sounds great, Xander. We can talk about it tonight, okay? Enjoy your shopping trip. Be careful with the spankin’ new merchandise.”

“Willow Rosenberg! Did you just—you just—“ Xander sputtered.

“Bye Xand.” She hung up, Xander still floundering on the other end of the line.

“Well, that was a bust,” Willow announced to the empty room. “At least tonight I’ll have time to talk to Buffy when Xander and Anya go dance, and then after when we come home.”

Willow pulled out her C++ homework, remembering Buffy’s advice from last year: “focus on school. That's the strong Willow way to heal.”

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I'm from Iowa, we drive four hours for a high school football game.
Queen of HeartsThe Sincerest Form of FlatteryDrabbles


Last edited by BeMyDeputy on Wed Sep 01, 2010 7:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Queen of Hearts
PostPosted: Tue Aug 31, 2010 4:37 am 
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like this very, very much. :blush


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 Post subject: Re: Queen of Hearts
PostPosted: Tue Aug 31, 2010 5:07 am 
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Aw, it was pretty sad. It's very cool to see Tara walking herself through her reactions, the unintentional torture Willow is putting her through. Can't wait to read the next update, and can't wait to see what leads up to smoochin!

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 Post subject: Re: Queen of Hearts
PostPosted: Tue Aug 31, 2010 6:06 am 
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Ahhhh, young love. Lesbian falls for straight girl or at least one that thinks she is, only to realize, "hmmmm, maybe not so much", and all the joy of gettin there, ;)

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