mary - sometimes it's the small throwaway lines that give the most satisfaction to both the writer and reader, because it's so small and unexpected. Alliances in TAR are less prominent than those on, say, Survivor, they can be made or broken at the toss of a hat, depending on the situation. So it's conceivable that 2 teams decide to work together to buy plane tickets, but for one to ditch the other as soon as they reach their destination. I think Anya's being realistic at that point, they were allied with W/T, but within earshot of Faith & Robin, who are considered strong racers. So her choice was tell both, or tell neither. Telling one may backfire because the team left out may hear about their plans and they don't want to make enemies that fast.

Like that you like A/O, they are becoming the dark horses of this race. As for how they do, I'm not saying . One thing about TAR is the randomness and sometimes helplessness of the situations they face. A team can be undone by something simple like a traffic jam.

~~~~~


Ah, I think the Amazing Editors may have new villains, stay tuned. Willow is showing more and more smarts as the race goes on. Unlike Survivor, being smart really helps, because you're not in danger of being voted off, it's a completely different dynamic.

~~~~~


Chris, you're giving me ideas. Perhaps in a future leg they'd arrive at Sydney and the task is to "find Chris Cook's house" and then you'd be at the door screening them and asking them questions on Alien, Star Trek, Doctor Who etc, and of course the only team you allow into your house is the Lovebirds

Like I said to Mary, alliances on TAR tend to be tenuous and short term affairs, even the most well meaning teams will get separated. Anya had a point, when she hesitated in telling W/T about the flight, but I'm glad Xander's sense of righteousness prevailed.
Of course they are, I almost bought the chilli pepper flavoured one, but chickened out. Double chocolate though, yum. Food means different things to different people, I've eaten snake and pig's brains and chicken feet, so I'm quite qualified to make that statement. When I was at Carnivore, they had zebra and hartbeest and crocodile, but all I wanted was lamb.

Awwww, thanks. On one hand I didn't want to make perfect and give them all the awwww moments, but this is a W/T fic, and I don't think the impact of another team feeding the baby leopard will be as pronounced. Any other team donating their prize money to the orphanage will be seen as fake, but coming from these two ladies, it's so credible that I have no problems coming up with it myself.

Again I don't want to give away too much, but AAbot have been consistently poor racers, they seem to get lost and do badly at tasks. R.Randy though, may surprise us. We've yet to see Ripper coming out into play yet . As for who makes the final three, yours is a very good guess, based on current standings. Interesting that apart from Adam/Oz and Rupert/Randy, all the remaining teams are YDCs.

I'm so happy you think the Extra was sweet. The timing, the Fast Forward, the opportunity to visit the Animal Orphanage, it was too good a chance to pass up. I thought about writing it narrative style, but then it seemed more appropriate if I wrote it using one POV.
Definitely, they came into the Race having dated semi-seriously for about a year, but factors like work, geography and not being out were preventing their relationship from becoming more serious. It's pretty amazing, that in the space of something like 12 days their relationship has grown so much. And we're not even halfway ...

~~~~~


Really aw shucks, I'll never be as good as Miss Alli, I just hope I've captured a little of the spirit (and attitude) that makes TWoP such an interesting site.

The prizes for coming 1st in a leg are pretty random in real TAR, so I've tried to follow that. This season, you don't even have to come 1st to get a prize, how bizarre.

Coming on the Race itself has been a catalyst to them taking their relationship further, wherever position they end up, I'm sure they will look back without regrets. Thanks for reading.

~~~~~


I think it's disorientation and Killer Fatigue, which will become more prominent as the race goes on. To be honest, I haven't tried calling UN Geneva during their non-working hours and seeing if I get connected through to another office. When I lost my luggage in Paris, I called the Swiss Air office at 1am and got connected to reservations in Melbourne (yes, Coffee Moods #4, at least the lost luggage part, was based on personal experience

As the number of teams dwindle, I'll try to include more characterizations. Up to now, with so much racing going on, I've only been able to focus on a handful of teams, thanks for the reminder .

I guess it's a matter of how fast each person moves forward within a relationship. I'd love to have the time to sit down and write their backstory, how they met, what they were like before coming on the Race, and what they feel about each other. I excuse Tara's blindness by postulating that she wants to feel completely sure of her own feelings towards Willow before taking the final step. Or, that timing's hasn't been right so far. It's surprising, and pleasantly so, how close they've become over the last 12 or so days.

~~~~~

Wow, Erin, thank you! And welcome to this fic, hope you're enjoying it.

~~~~~

Did I? You mean from the super-efficiency of Switzerland to the chaotic and sometimes out of control feeling in Africa? thanks for picking that up. F/R and A/O are physically the strongest teams left and they haven't made too many mistakes. Good guesses.

~~~~~


Glad you liked it, they're so perfect together I can't believe only now are they thinking about a future.

wow! you go girl, you caught that! And Faith's hotness will make a very welcome return next episode, I promise. Buffy & Faith would have made a great team, I toyed with teaming Buffy with a lot of people, like Giles or Joyce or a version of Spike (except I can't write Spike, cos of the small problem of not liking him), but in Real TAR, there tends to be a surplus of YDCs. Plus a B/F pairing has too much homoeroticism and I didn't want attention to be taken away from .

that was truly funny! Come on line? Hee! I'm sooo glad you've decided to embrace the world of ff writing, cos your sense of humor is so fabulous.

~~~~~

:lol thanks! I'd like to think, and this is my ego speaking, that ours are better than real reality shows, cos we have a better cast of characters. What's more, we have characters the readers are interested in, as opposed to the reality shows we see on real TV. Thanks for reading!

~~~~~


Thanks for that, Cam , oftentimes the team taking the Fast Forward is so separate from the other teams that it seems like they're running a different part of the Race, it has that effect. When I remembered the animal orphanage in Nairobi, how could I not put there?
Yes, yes, *evil grin*.

_________________
quiet thoughts

Title: The Amazing Kitten Race
Author: watson (hiddenwatson@yahoo.com)
Distribution: this is for Pens, if you want to archive it elsewhere, please let me know me first
Rating: Episodes are PG-13, Recaps and Extras are R or more
Disclaimer: BtVS characters, concepts and dialog belong to Mutant Enemy, Fox, The WB, UPN and others. The Amazing Race belongs to CBS, Amazing Race Productions Inc, Touchstone Television Productions Inc, Jerry Bruckheimer Productions and others.
Summary: The Amazing Race Crossover. It's a race around the world. Who will be Eliminated? Who will win $1 million?


Episode 7 - We're the chief stinkeroo's of the Planet of Stinkeroo

Episode recap

We're in Kenya, often referred to as the 'cradle of humanity'. It is also inseparable from the image of the African safari, vividly brought to life by writers such as Ernest Hemingway and Karen Blixen. And we have a nice(-ish) segue to the Karen Blixen Museum in Nairobi, one of the largest and fastest growing cities in Africa, which was also the latest Pitstop in a race around the world.

The seven teams remaining in the Race in a brief eat / sleep / mingle moment. Phil voices over that teams requested a longer Pitstop because of April's ill health, she had food poisoning and the teams unanimously voted to not continue until she was better. The Producers agreed, though I can't help but think of how that must have affected future planning. [*Probably less than we think, there were production delays on previous seasons.*] There is a lot of debate on the forums, that in real life if you are traveling around the world on a schedule, you're bound to that schedule even if you're sick as a dog. But it is gracious of CBS to agree, even though they are milking the whole 'how gracious we are' angle. Yawn.

9.23am. Lovebirds at the cluebox. Looks like a 24 hour Pitstop, by the timing. Let's see. Arrived at the airport at 5am, by the time they left the statue may be 6.30 or 7am. Half an hour to the orphanage, an hour or so feeding the leopard cub, yeah 24 hour Pitstop sounds right.

They are to travel 125 miles to the town of Narok by matatu and find the Sunshine Travel Agency. A matatu is a mini-van or truck that forms the backbone of public transport in Kenya. Of course we know it by its other name of chicken coop. It's a squeeze for the ladies, back in psychedelic rojak clothing today (they heard me saying I missed their color explosion?). The mini-van they get into probably has a manufacturer's certificate for may be 8 people, today has at least twice as many passengers, a couple of passengers are even sitting on the roof.

"It was scary, and very cramped, inside the van. The air circulation wasn't particularly great, but at least that woman put her chickens on the roof and not inside!" Tara laughs.

11.11am. That's creepy, in a 666 kind of way, perhaps that's just me and my paranoia about consecutive numbers. R.Randy locate the matatu easily at what looks a matatu staging area. They negotiate the price with the driver but have to wait till the van fills up. Randy's impatience is barely disguised and he asks the driver repeatedly if they can be going now. The driver ignores him.

11.29am. Goldies, looking better than last time they were at the starting line. They count out the money, $129. "We're fully rested, pumped and ready for anything," Riley says, together with arm pumping action as he says "pumped" and of course much blowing out of chest cavity. No, I'm not interested in the size of his chest thank you very much.

They find the sardine tin disguised as a van that has, somewhere inside, 2 other sardines known as Rupert and his very impatient son. Randy scowls as he sees Riley haul his bulk inside, Buffy gives him an apologetic smile. Oooh, this will be an uncomfortable ride, in more ways than one, for Randy and Riley. I'm sadistic.

11.52am. I'm not used to seeing Efficiency this far down the pecking order. Go Faith! Go Robin! Show us some more of your hotness, I hope there's much running and sweating, cos I'm missing buff Faith and buff Robin. They get on a different type of vehicle, this matatu is a large truck, the kind you see a lot in developing countries transporting livestock and people, usually both at the same time. They climb on and sit in with the locals.

"We got to ride with a whole family of eleven, the father and mother, grandmother and countless kids. They kids were just so lively," Faith interviews.

"I gave them some candy and the youngest girl, called Keisha, went to sleep on my lap throughout. Kinda makes me wish for kids," Robin says whimsically.

Faith does a double take and obviously finds it difficult to maintain her composure in front of the cameras. Uh oh, the commitment issue rears its ugly head.

12.07pm. TallShort get into the Efficiency truck. Shortly afterwards, Pirates climb in. It's a tight fit and I'm not just talking about Faith's T-shirt.

12.58pm. AAbot finally at yet another van. April is looking less sickly. "I had food poisoning and they let everyone rest for a bit while I received medical attention. It was touch and go at one point, we were this close to leaving the race," she explains. "We have a long way to catch up, but we're hoping there's some opening hours or charter that helps us get even again," says Andrew. Yuck, he says exactly the thing on my mind, that there will most likely be bunching. And knowing Africa, this will be a mega-bunch.

~~~~~

Our first team on the road, and it's a bumpy one. "The road out from Nairobi started fine, we climbed a bit, then there was a change of scenery and we were at the Great Rift Valley," Willow takes up the narration. "We leave the Rift Valley escarpment behind and the roads turned bad, it was bumpy, dusty and sometimes there didn't even seem to be a road, just dust and gravel. Worst are the potholes so large you can park a truck inside, the driver had to detour all the way round, and then there'd be another one."

The teams that feel it most are the ones in the truck, cos inside a van at least they can hold onto the seat in front of them or brace themselves against the roof. No such luxury in the back of the truck, where we have 3 teams, Robin's new family and other assortment of passengers.

Anya spots a herd (or whatever the correct term is) of camels at the side of the otherwise empty road and points it out to her fellow racers, they crane their necks and oooh and aaah away. Xander, however, is firmly seated at the bottom of the floor.

"You want to look at the camels?" asks Anya.

"Love to, but my internal organs are too busy playing musical chairs," Xander says with a grimace as the truck bounces, and when I say bounce I mean bounce like it's hooked up to a bungee rope on a trampoline. And oh my god, he's bouncing up and down in perfect rhythm to certain parts of Faith's anatomy that cannot be missed however much you cover your eyes. Aaaah, burn, baby, burn!

Amidst all the bouncing, and I mean more than just Faith's, um, globes, Lovebirds arrive at Narok. A completely chaotic town, with cars and trucks everywhere, bicycles interweaving between them, and young boys steering donkey-driven carts. The town has a kind of frontier cowboy ramshackle feel about it, any moment now I expect a gun fight to break out and the sheriff arriving to quell the troubles. Not to mention the tumbleweeds, we've got to have tumbleweeds. [*er, I think we're in the wrong thread ...*]

As they emerge from the mini-van, and even before they can take a breath, they are mobbed by people wanting to sell them things, gawk or just plain beg. For the first time on the African trip, I sense the girls getting anxious. They ask for directions to the Sunshine Travel Agency and the mob follows them. "You kinda expect to attract attention, being tourists, with our white faces and being females, but the type of aggressive harassment was a little hard to stomach," Tara recounts. "This woman wanted me to buy her bananas in return for taking her photo, well aside from the fact that we're not allowed cameras on the Race, I don't want to pay $5 for a bunch of rotten bananas I can't even eat. If I wanted to subsist on moldy fruit, I would have gone on Survivor," she adds, with more venom that I've seen from her at any time on the Race.

They force their way into the travel agency, I don't know how, may be they use a Moses spell to cut a way through. They are told to travel to a traditional Masai manyatta (village) on transport organized by the travel agency. Okay now I'm freaking out about this 'transport' business. I have visions of them on camels, tied to the back of a goat-cart, or unceremoniously ditched in the middle of bandit country and it starts getting dark. What are you doing to my favorite team, Amazing Producers?

My overly furtive imagination need not worry, it's only a battered van, much like the matatu they traveled in from Nairobi, but the owner tells them they have to wait till there are enough people. Uh-oh, potential bunching situation brewing. They ask what is the additional price for taking the whole van and negotiate a deal with the owner. Oh, smart!

Goldies / R.Randy van, at a roadside stop. The driver tells all passengers to get off, to the consternation of our teams. Randy, his earlier impatience unabated, asks why they are stopping and is met with a toothy grin, and nothing else. The non-Race passengers scatter around, looking like they expect this stop. Rupert asks a fellow sardine and is told that the driver is waiting for refills. "What refills?" the Professor asks. His informant shrugs.

Buffy and Randy in conversation, Randy is updating her on the refill situation, there's a respectable distance between them. Riley storms over in a huff and he's just short of shoving Randy aside. Man, I know the cheek-sucking-scenery-stealing ninny has been trying to get up close and personal with Riley's girl/possession, but look at the situation! They should be allowed to have a normal conversation without bull-boy getting his back up. Sheesh.

Some time later, a truck arrives. It's a mobile gas station! The truck driver uses a garden hose and the traditional suck-and-spit technique to connect the oil drums on the truck to the van's tank. Well, this is convenient, imagine being stuck in the middle of nowhere with no gas, you call up the AAA and they send gas. Except when they ask you for your location all you can say is 'the middle of nowhere' and by the time the truck gets to you, you've died of dehydration and/or heat stroke.

Back at the Lovebird transport, they arrive at the manyatta and find that it's a Detour, with a choice of Graze or Raise. In Graze they help a Masai herdsman herd cattle into a pen called a kraal, light a fire using two sticks before joining in a traditional dance of celebration. In Raise, they help the Masai woman build a traditional home constructed of branches woven together with grass and then plastered and sealed with cow dung. They opt to take the home building. Did the image of two hot, nubile young ladies totally into each other and splattered with mud just invade your normally non porno-filled mind? No? Cos that's what is in my mind right now. [*slaps face repeatedly to maintain dignity.*]

The walls of the home are already up, they help the women raise the frame of the roof and secure it with twine. Then the fun begins. There's dried cow dung and mud everywhere, they sling it onto the walls and some of it stick, but the rest either slides to the ground or stays on their hands. They get hugely messy and giggly and if these two ladies ever want to get into professional mud-wrestling, I'll be the first in line at the box office. In fact, I'll buy up ALL the front row seats and the exclusive tv rights, even if I have to mortgage my home. Heck, I'll sell my home, all I need is a tv and tivo. Drool.

Time for a cold shower and deep reflection.

Brrrr, I'm back. The Efficiency / TallShort / Pirates truck arrive at Narok and they fight their way through the mob to the travel agency, where they get the clue and are shown to another battered van with the same spiel about waiting for more people. They don't try to charter the whole van, why? They are 6 people plus the Amazing Crew, how many more will the owner want to cram inside?

"We got off a 3 hour roller-coaster ride and arrived at Narok, then we got into a van with the prospect of another hour's worth of bumpity-bump, I was kinda glad I didn't eat breakfast cos it would definitely ended up on the vehicle floor," Anya groaned. Of all racers, I expect haggling from her, I'll put it down to the side-effects of 3 hours of nausea.

The price for not negotiating is that they are caught up by the R.Randy / Goldies van. Now we have 10 racers in a van and still the agency owner wants to wait. They finally latch onto the idea that 'waiting for more people' is a euphemism for 'waiting for you to bribe me with money'. They pay him 2000 shillings, that's $25 which, shared between 5 teams, is a bargain.

They bump and lurch their way to the manyatta.

Manyatta zanyatta. Lovebirds, with the help of what seems like dozens of Masai villagers, are making short work of the dung-slinging. "I never thought I'd enjoy myself this so much," Willow laughs happily at she slings yet another sludge at the hut. Children join in and soon, it's a mud fight! Oh my god, my mud-wrestling fantasy is making me dizzy. They finish, and the village women show them to what seems to be a special cleaning area -- yep you've guessed it, it's an enclosure equipped with a large drum of water and a couple of buckets. My puddly brain thinks, "Oh Mama, wet T-shirt contest!" But, damn, we don't get to see them getting each other thoroughly wet. Sigh, I know, I know, have to keep to PG-13. I don't like it, and fervently hope there's a downloadable clip somewhere, or at least some of the cleaning scene makes it to the TAR Uncut! DVD.

Two cleaner-looking Racers get the next clue telling them to return to their transport, which will take them 40 miles to the Sarova Mara Camp at the Masai Mara Nature Reserve. They are to sign up at the camp office for a 'Special Activity'. Yeah, for 'Special Activity' read Mega-Bunching Activity, they don't fool me.

~~~~~

The Sardine Tin on Wheels arrives and its contents spill out. A debate ensues about which Detour to take. Efficiency, TallShort and R.Randy take the cow herding, while Goldies and Pirates take home building.

It's like a madhouse. Cows everywhere, going in all directions except the one they're supposed to. Here's Randy trying to pull on a cow, proving to all and asunder that a stubborn cow is stronger than a human. Here's Oz trying to ride on one, what, does he think he's John Wayne or something? And here's Faith & Robin trying to push one, and yes, the theory has been proven: cows are way stronger than humans. The Masai villagers are having a whale (or should I say a cow) of a time watching the free show, I bet they don't get anything this funny, like, ever. I mean, they don't have The Daily Show or Monty Python here do they?

Rupert seems to have gotten the hang of it somewhat, gently prodding his cow along happily with a stick. "Nice Cow," he keeps saying to it, and I can't stop laughing.

Meanwhile at Dung Construction Inc., Xander is giving directions for the putting up of the roof, he's in full foreman mode. "I love organizing Masai labor, they're so cooperative," he grins at himself. I hate to put this to you, Xan-man, these 'labor' know what they're doing a lot more than you, do you think they'll do anything different if you're not there?

Riley and Buffy also with the mud and cow dung. Riley has stripped down to his khaki shorts and yeah, I suppose I have to admit his muscles look great, but he's not in my good books right now. Boy's got too much intensity and borderline nastiness just simmering. It's always the Mommy's Boy isn't it. Anyway, they sling mud.

Randy is trying to keep up with his Pops in the cow herding task. "We're gonna be doing this till the cows come home," he puffs. Rupert gets a few more cows into the pen and gets the nod from the herdsman. They move onto the fire-making and groan in dismay as they see all they have are 2 sticks and some dried grass. Their Masai person shows them how it's done, by rubbing the sticks quickly against each other. They grit their teeth and try.

Faith & Robin get the cows into their pen and get going with the fire task. "What? We only get sticks? At least on Survivor there's a flint," Robin grumbles. Wowza! That's the second Survivor reference this episode, do I get the feeling that the teams are wishing they entered a different show?

Adam & Oz get their cow quota. "That was more difficult that I thought," Adam commented. "You don't say," says Oz.

There's a commotion over at Dung Construction Inc. as Anya slips and falls butt first into a pile of wet, squishy cow dung. She makes a face. "I've had it! I'm never donating money to a poor African nation again," she whines.

Xander immediately goes over to see if her brain functions have been knocked out by the dung. She flings him away as he tries to haul her up. "Don't touch me, you're totally filthy, I don't want any more of this crap on me," she screeches.

"Honey, we're the chief stinkeroo's of the Planet of Stinkeroo right now, you've got as much of this stuff on you as me," he says.

Buffy peeps over to ask if she's okay. Xander nods gratefully and Golden Girl gets called back to her slave-pen by her possessive boyfriend/owner, who I'm picturing wearing a tattered gray wife-beater, cos he has potential to be a total beater of wife. This is probably the Amazing Editors doing their 'now that Snyder's off our screens, who can we make the next villain' thing, but I think FarmBoy has given them enough fodder, afterall, you can't edit what's not available, right?

We switch from Mud Slinging to Stick Rubbing. It's Randy, he's drenched in sweat as he intently tries to get two measly sticks to produce a fire. If he sweats even more I swear it'll drop into whatever fire he manages to make and put it out. Rupert asks if he can have a try but Randy ignores him. Ah! I have the blonde one pegged. He's one of those guys (and it's 99.99% guys) who, when faced with a task that they can't seem to do, will not get help, even though it's the most logical thing to do. How many times have you sat in the car with a guy who's clearly lost but refuses to stop and ask for directions? Or who has spent the last 4 hours trying to connect the DVD player to the TV but the screen still comes up blank and yet he doesn't read the manual? Or who waves an electric drill around like he knows how to use it, but doesn't want to fess up that he thinks he just used the wrong bit on the wall?

He lucks out, there's a spark, then a glimmer of smoke. He blows hard at the kindling and, miracle of miracles! it lights up. He does a little jitty and Rupert slaps him on the back. They move onto the final task, and join the Masai warriors around a fire where much dancing takes place. For dancing, read leaping up 3 feet in the air from a standing position like they have a pogo stick attached to the soles of their feet. It's great when the warriors do it, but our intrepid heroes can manage, oh, may be 9 inches? Hee.

Meanwhile Adam & Oz get their fire started. "Don't I wish I were a Drew Barrymore movie," Adam says.

"Dude, did you see Never Been Kissed?" Oz deadpans. Oh, man, these two can totally be my imaginary boyfriends. They're a veritable encyclopedia of pop culture references, without the crudeness. And I bet they take personal hygiene seriously. [*Pssst, watson, you have a girlfriend, what should I tell her about this sudden change in, um, orientation?*]

They join the R.Randy 9 inch dance, to much applause from the villagers. They get their clue and make their way to their transport.

They tell the driver they're ready to leave. He opens his eyes from his reclining position and says they need to wait for the other teams.

Oh.

No amount of persuasion, cajoling, or offers of money can change his mind. Randy storms off, stopping to give the wheels a kick for good measure. Wow, this driver must be a dedicated follower of the god of bunching.

Oblivious to their good luck, Riley pushes Buffy and the women to quickly finish the mud hut. He asks for the clue and is told to clean up first. I can see it at the tip of his tongue, "Fuck the cleaning, I want my clue. Now." Eventually he is forced to obey, splashes water on himself, gets the clue and they run to the carpark to find the other two teams waiting there.

Randy is none too pleased to see this team. "It's so unfair, to work your ass off on a task, and then for the other teams to catch up," he complains. Is he allowed to say 'ass' on tv?

Meanwhile Faith & Robin get their fire and join in the dancing.

Xander & Anya also finish with their home building.

Okay, all aboard! Choo-choo! The van takes off in a screech of tires on dust.

~~~~~

Somewhere an hour and many lunar craters behind, Andrew & April leave Narok in a rickety Sunshine van. They have it all to themselves, the owner finally figuring there are no teams left to 'wait' for.

Andrew asks him about the other teams and is told they came through 'hours and hours' earlier. "We're so dead," he laments.

They ask their driver to drive as quickly as possible, cos they're in a hurry. Er, well, drive as quickly as possible without falling into the innumerable potholes and thereby risking a puncture that will bleed even more of your time, rrrright.

Somewhere between Narok and the manyatta, they come across a colony of monkeys on palm trees. "Oooh, they're so cute," exclaims April.

"Watch out!" shouts Andrew as a few of them jump onto the van and try to rip off the windscreen wipers. They start to climb further up, and the driver tells them to close the windows.

"You mean they can climb inside?" April shrieks. Apparently so, but didn't you say a minute ago that these monkeys are cute? Guess they're cute if they stay at a distance, right? Now, try telling that to the monkeys. Snerk.

The driver does some swervy maneuver that seems to shake the attackers off and they breathe a sigh of relief.

At the Masai village they decide to do the cow herding. It's noticeably darker as they arrive, a good guess is they arrive late afternoon. The villagers crowd around to help them, probably eager to get home after a tough day at the office. Come on, you thought this is a real Masai village? Sucker! From what I read, they are a nomadic tribe and walk great distances herding their cows, but their way of life has been eroded by the slow onslaught of tourism. I hardly think they will live in a settlement-looking village, let alone one that has a car park.

When they have their cows in the pen, the herdsman literally makes their fire for them, yep, definitely a clock-watcher, that one. Even the dance seems perfunctory. They're off to Savora Camp in record time, and I don't think it's all editing.

~~~~~

"Wow," say Willow and Tara as they enter the gates of the Masai Mara Nature Reserve. Immediately they see animals -- elephants, wildebeests, zebras and all sorts of antelopes.

"The drive from the village to the reserve was the roughest yet, the last 10 miles or so the road simply disappeared. But it was worth it, all thoughts of discomfort went away as soon as we saw our first elephant," Willow interviews.

"It was a group of mother elephants and their young. I didn't think I've been as touched since the baby leopard feeding, but I was," Tara adds.

They arrive at the extremely luxurious-looking camp, which is located within electrical fences and they have to enter via a large iron gate. A red-clothed Masai warrior greets them and gives them some tea to drink. "Mmm, sweet, it's the best thing I've tasted all day," Tara says. Willow is about to say something but she checks herself and blushes. Oh, do I think she almost uttered a naughty remark! They crack me up, these two.

They find out the 'Special Activity' is an early morning hot-air balloon safari, which they have to sign up for. Needless to say they make the first flight at 5am next morning, and you have to see how floored they are. If I don't know better, I can swear they are acting like they've won the Race.

The Van of Supreme Bunching passes through the gates of the nature reserve. The 5 teams inside see a zebra for the first time and are like a group of excited toddlers seeing ice cream.

"Oh my god," Buffy keeps saying.

They arrive at Camp and it's dark already. They rush inside but have to stop at the Masai Warrior's Tea Stand. Rupert & Randy get the remaining slot on the first balloon flight, Go Rupert & Randy, you're beginning to step up! Adam & Oz and Faith & Robin get the second balloon, leaving at 5.45am. Xander & Anya and Buffy & Riley get the third flight at 6.30am, looks like it's the last flight, so April & Andrew will catch up again. See? Mega-Bunching.

When AAbot finally arrive, the other teams are sitting around a roaring fire in the garden, chatting and relaxing. Xander and Robin greet Andrew and Tara gives April a little hug. There's a little camaraderie going on. Guess the competition hasn't got to the cut-throat phase yet.

"Have you eaten?" Rupert asks the pair. Talk about perfect timing, the hotel staff arrive with a tray of food and two large glasses of milk.

"I hope this isn't from the cows at the village," Andrew laughs.

"Did you get the feeling the village is a tourist attraction?" Anya asks. "It smells of cash cow to me."

There is comfortable silence as they sit and enjoy the fresh air, the clear skies and the distant sounds of wilderness.

The first team to make a move are the Lovebirds. "We're off, good-night everyone," says Willow.

"Turning in early?" Buffy asks.

"We're going star-gazing," says Tara.

We see the beginnings of a smirk on some of the guys' faces, clearly their imagination is as active as mine. These two aren't just going to look at stars, are they, but I'll afford them their privacy cos it's deserved.

Oh, and I realize that in the middle of one of the most amazing safari locations in the world and under more stars than we can see, we're still running the race, this is not a Pitstop.

~~~~~

Early morning African safari skyline porn. It's beautiful, with a lone acacia tree silhouetted against the emerging sun. Animals rising and beginning their day. It's just another day on the plains of the Masai Mara.

Lovebirds and R.Randy, wrapped up warm, climb into their balloon. They have this constant wide-eye amazement that they're actually doing this.

"Looks like you didn't get much sleep, did the insects keep you up too?" Rupert makes conversation.

"Um, well, we didn't manage to fall asleep till quite late," Willow stutters.

"Yes, with new surroundings insomnia can easily hit," an oblivious Rupert continues. Oh, Professor, I may be wrong, but I don't think insomnia is the culprit, Lovebirds are far too clingy this morning, they're also sporting dark panda eyes. I'll refrain from making any more remarks.

Meanwhile the balloon master has inflated the huge hot-air balloon and they're ready.

"This has got to be the second most wonderful experience of my life," Willow says, with real wonder.

"Only second?" asks Randy.

"Yeah."

"What's the first?"

"Um, well, it's kinda private. Between Tara and me," Willow blushes a shade as red as her hair. Tara blushes even more, if that's even possible.

Randy quirks an eyebrow, but has the decency to not pursue.

Willow smiles, "Tara gave me something last night, a wonderful gift," she beams.

Oh kill me now, I can't stand the sugariness. Oh wait, I can, and I love it. Tara too, she has this totally dreamy smile on her face. Like if the rarest and most beautiful animal on earth comes into sight, she isn't going to notice, her eyes are on Willow only.

Rupert looks on like a proud uncle. Randy, who I expect to be leering, surprises me by smiling sincerely at the Lovebirds, even as their smiles start turning into that endearingly embarrassed look they've perfected so well.

The flight itself is short, but they spot a pride of lions on the hunt, thousands of wildebeests, giraffes, elephants and more gazelles than they can count. It's quiet up there in the balloon, the only sound is the blast of the furnace as the pilot occasionally funnels hot air up the giant balloon.

When they get back to the ground they are treated to a small picnic basket of breakfast and the next clue, which tells them to board pre-arranged buses that will take them 200 miles to Baboon Cliff at the Lake Nakuru National Park.

Sooo, the balloon flight doesn't involve a task, it's a bonus side trip. It's nice and all, but I keep thinking this is a race, not a sightseeing trip, and that flight has nothing to do with the Race but everything to do with promoting Kenya's safari trade.

The second group to be treated to the non-Race hot-air balloon flight consists of Adam & Oz and Faith & Robin. They get up to 1000 feet and even the normally stoic TallShort pair are excited as they pick out the wild animals on the ground. "It feels like flying," says Oz.

They get their picnic, clue and transport. Faith & Robin, in particular, are well impressed with the picnic breakfast. "We were rushed getting up this morning, only managed a cup of coffee before leaving the camp. Look at this, hard-boiled eggs, ham and cheese sandwich, apples, juice and a thermos of coffee, I can't believe it, I feel like the African Queen," says Faith.

The last group of Buffy & Riley, Xander & Anya and April & Andrew get going at 6.30am. "They tell us it's a little later that usual for the balloon flight, but we should still see a lot of animals," Andrew reports. And they do, the remains of the earlier lion hunt that the first group saw, more elephants and zebras and antelopes.

"It's a humbling experience," Xander says. "The Masa Mara reserve is 700 square miles, I mean, that's 2.5 times the size of the Grand Canyon. And millions of wild animals live there, it makes us feel insignificant and small."

They touch down, get their goodies basket and alight their bus. By the way, these buses, compared with the matatus and Sunshine transport from yesterday, are the picture of luxury. Not a spot of rust in sight. I have to concede to the necessity of spoon-fed transport, there are no airports nearby, no public transport, and the roads are too treacherous to have the racers drive themselves. At least they're not all bunched on the same bus.

~~~~~

The Amazing Yellow Line shows us the progress from the Masai Mara to the Lake Nakuru National Park. After going past the Great Rift Valley and Anya's camel herd from yesterday, the landscape changes. It's less dry, there are more plants, and in general feels less like the end of the world.

Phil tells us that Lake Nakuru is a soda lake covering over 24 square miles, and formed 12 million years ago. It's also home to thousands, sometimes millions of flamingoes and pelicans. The surface of the shallow lake is often hardly recognizable due to the continually shifting mass of pink.

The National Park itself is also home to both white and black rhinos and the endangered Rotschild's giraffe. Teams are heading towards Baboon Cliff, which offers spectacular views of the lake and its pink borders.

Group 1 arrive mid-morning and find it's a Roadblock. "Who has eyes as sharp as a hawk?"

Phil again. He explains that in this Roadblock, one team member goes to the lookout point and, using a pair of binoculars, search for a red-and-yellow flag somewhere in the vicinity of the lake. Next to the flag is a chest with a sequence of numbers painted on. The Roadblocker has to memorize the sequence of numbers and proceed to the Lion Hill Lodge in the grounds of the National Park for their next clue. They are not allowed to write the numbers down on anything or put it down in any form, they must commit them to memory, however they are allowed to share with their team member.

Randy and Tara take the Roadblock for their teams. I have to add that the lookout point is a fair distance and height away from the lake and the constantly in motion flamingoes are probably a big hindrance in spotting the flag. Normally, spotting red and yellow amongst the greenery of a national park shouldn't be a problem, but with the pink background it's not as easy.

Randy finds the target first and mumbles the sequence to himself. It's a long sequence, 4-7-8-3-5-5-7-0-2-4-6-1. Of course the natural tendency is to shout it to your partner, but that alerts the other team. So Randy is busy reciting the numbers quietly to himself as he returns to Rupert.

In the stupidest bunching sequence, like, ever, R.Randy have to wait for Tara to finish before they can be off. Now I've seen all sorts of bunching and all sorts of stupid Amazing Producers planning, not to mention stupid and random TAR rules, but this one tops it all, it makes the kind of sense that doesn't.

Luckily Tara has the sequence shortly afterwards and she, too, struggles to remember it as she returns to Willow. "Willow should have done this, I can't remember so many numbers," she says worriedly.

Now both teams huddle in their corner of their bus to try to remember the sequence. Rupert & Randy are literally reciting the entire sequence all the way through. Willow, as ever, has figured out a way. "Okay, can you remember 47, 83 and 55? A 47 year old man and his 83 year old mother drive along the I-55 from Chicago to St Louis, can you remember this, honey? I'll remember the 70, 24 and 61, okay?"

Tara nods. Oh boy, this is genius! How much simpler is it to remember three 2-digit numbers than a 12-digit one?

Rupert & Randy continue their recital all the way down to the Lion Hill Lodge. It's hilarious to watch two grown men with silently moving lips, and a picture of concentration. Lovebirds look terribly relaxed, in fact, they seem to have melted into each other and are on the verge of crawling into each other's laps.

They make it to the Lion Hill Lodge and have to write the numbers on a slate and pass to a greeter. Rupert & Randy have a little difficulty. "We were repeating these numbers over and over on the way to the Lodge, then we realized we have different sequences. It took us a few minutes to sort it out," says Randy.

Willow & Tara have no such problems. They get the okay and are told to take one of the four wheel drive vehicles in the carpark and drive 40 miles to Thomson's Falls, the Pitstop for this leg of the Race.

R.Randy finally get the sequence correct and are off.

Group 2 arrive at Baboon Cliff. Robin and Oz take the Roadblock. They move around the lookout point, first this way, then that way. "God, it's like a needle in the haystack," says Robin.

Oz gets the numbers first. Robin notices that Oz has spotted the chest and points his binoculars in the same direction.

TallShort, too, discover the stupidity of the enforced bunching. "I'd hate to be in the final group," Adam comments. They split the number sequence into three blocks of 4-digit numbers, that's a good way. In fact, I asked my girlfriend how she would do it, and she immediately said, split into 4-digit numbers, like this: 4783-5570-2461. Not as good as Willow's way, but darn straight-forward.

Speaking of Group 3, they are playing some sort of road trip game. "Types of cheeses," says Andrew. Brie, cheddar, feta, Swiss.

"Swiss cheese isn't a type," Anya exclaims.

"This from the woman who eats these skeezy cheeses that I can't describe," Xander says, amused.

The only person who doesn't join in is Riley, who sits there with a scowl on his mug. "Everyone's all yay roadtrip! Let's play a game! But we were in the last group. One of those three teams was in danger of being eliminated and I was going to make sure it wasn't us." Oh boo-hoo Riley. Like I care.

They reach Baboon Cliff and find the Roadblock. The task is taken by Andrew, Anya and Riley.

"Lost a lot of my depth perception when I lost one eye, but otherwise I've been doing okay. Best not to leave it to chance though," Xander explains. Despite their bickering, I realize that Xander's disadvantage has in no way hinder this team who has been consistently finishing highly, until last leg. Have to admire the Pirate for that.

TallShort and Efficiency arrive at the Lion Hill Lodge (where there are no lions or large hills), get their next clue, and drive off.

Back at the lookout point, Andrew actually finds the numbers first, he clambers back to the bus to be told to wait. He's pissed. "For the first time in this leg we weren't in last place, this stinks," he interviews.

Anya, then Riley are done. They make their way to the Lodge. No major incidents as they get their next clue.

~~~~~

Thomson's Falls, known locally as Nyahururu, is a popular tourist stopover point. Though not (by a long way) the most spectacular falls on the African continent, it still boasts a drop of 273 feet. It's also our 7th Pitstop.

Phil's in an olive safari shirt that he pinched from one of Hemingway's novels. He stands there by the Amazing Bathmat with our greeter, a chieftain from one of the Kenyan tribes.

It's Rupert & Randy. They're team number one. Boo! "We overtook the girls' 4x4, I mean, it's a Race and we want to come first," says Randy. Fine, it's a RAAACE. I sulk.

Not for long. Willow & Tara arrive, to much cheering in the watson household. They're team number two. "Africa has been very special to us, we'll never forget the memories we made here," Tara says.

Efficiency SUV vs TallShort SUV on the roads of Kenya. It's a brand new episode of Rally Car Racing. Adam, with the longer legs, prevails and TallShort car leaves the Efficientmobile behind. [*Are you suffering from high fever? What does length of leg have to do with how fast you drive?*]

Adam & Oz park their SUV at the Falls carpark and run up to Phil. Welcome, team number three.

Faith & Robin are not far behind, they check in as team number four. "What's been the most memorably moment?" Phil asks. "The balloon, no question, the balloon," Robin answers.

Riley driving at breakneck speed, he narrowly misses a boy and his goat. Look, GoldenBoy, it's a RAAACE, but killing the locals will ensure a sojourn at a local jail, that will prevent you from going further, and who knows what the local judicial system is like?

They arrive without further complications and are team number five.

Anya drives more carefully, but still with determination. She passes Andrew. Andrew puts on resolve face and passes her. This is going to be tight.

"Get ready to jump out of the car as soon as I stop," Andrew says.

"Is your door unlocked? Seatbelt off?" Xander helps Anya with her seatbelt. She gets it off and rolls down her windows.

There's an air of unmistakable tension as both cars turn off the main road towards the falls. Andrew parks first and he and April jump out of their SUV quickly.

They almost land into the path of Anya's SUV, she screeches to a halt about 10 yards further up, her front bumper right against the gate. It gives her team a slight advantage. Good driving there, Anya.

Ooooh, it's going to be a footrace to the Bathmat. Xander and Andrew are pretty well matched but it's Anya who surprises, she beats April in the sprint.

So it's Xander & Anya who skid to a halt on the Bathmat by the skin of their teeth. They're team number six.

And so for April & Andrew, they never manage to climb to a position higher than seven. They're the last team to arrive and are Philminated.

"We've been struggling all through the race, but when we finally got a small break, we were let down by bunching. That's life though," Andrew interviews.

"The Race has brought us closer together, we had a lot of fun. I think we can go home and try to live a better life. I'm going to definitely carry on with my studies to become a kindergarten teacher," says April.

"And I'll have plenty of experience for my next film project," says Andrew.

Uh-oh. Kids and cinema-goers of Ohio beware, here comes the April & Andrew menace.

My goodness, we're at the halfway point. Six teams left.


*****


Teaser for Episode 8

Teams watch as water swirl clockwise, then counter clockwise.

Stuck in traffic, Randy loses his cool.

Anya with a copper bowl full of coins. "I have a natural affinity to money," she says.

Trouble with the Golden Couple. "I just think you shouldn't be shouting," says Buffy. "It's part of their culture, they expect it," Riley rebukes. "It's not a part of any culture to be rude," Buffy argues back.


*****


Useful links & information

Usually I put in external links to tourist attractions, organizations, important places or activities I mention in the episodes. For this leg of the race, I am only including one link, as the entire leg is based on that time when my girl and I visited Kenya:

Our Kenya trip

Of course I did additional research, but if you want more information on the national parks and the Masaai and of course the animals, you'll just have to google it .

*****

_________________
quiet thoughts

Perfect Timing, or Did Something Special Happen at Camp?

"You're the genius, so tell me why we see so many more stars in Africa," Tara asked as she settled down on the blanket they had spread on the grass in front of their tent.

"They're always up there, but usually most get drowned out by light pollution," Willow explained as she joined Tara on the blanket.

"Hmmm, I feel so peaceful, so quiet. I know tomorrow it's back to the stresses of the race, but I want to enjoy this moment," Tara said, snuggling closer to Willow.

Willow turned and kissed Tara on the forehead, cheeks, nose, lips and finally along her neck.

"See any new constellations?" she whispered into Tara's neck.

"Too crowded, can't even see the Big Pineapple or Pile o' Crackers. Best description I can think of is Giant Bowl of Popcorn," Tara laughs.

"You think of the funniest thing to say."

"Do I really?"

"Yes, except you're wrong about one thing."

"What's that?"

"I'm not the genius, you are. For thinking of coming out here, taking advantage of the surroundings."

"Sap."

"Your sap."

They laid close together, Tara's head on Willow's shoulder, watching the sky. Tara's hand absent-mindedly made circular patterns on Willow's stomach. Willow's hand traced a path from Tara's shoulder down her arm to her elbow, then up again. The touches that were at first gentle and fluttery turned sensuous slowly. Touches from the other had the tendency of doing that lately.

Willow suddenly giggled.

"You're spoiling the mood," Tara complained.

"I just had this image," Willow said, still in a chuckling mood.

"Of?"

"Mud and cow dung. All over us, like we'd been in a mudslide."

"Or mucking out at the stalls."

Willow made a face. "Nah, you'd never catch me in a stable, horse fear, remember?"

"I take it as a challenge," Tara had the beginnings of an 'evil' grin, or at least, 'planning something' grin. "What about I promise you a real hose-down after riding? Not like the few buckets of water from a barrel. A real, full-on, outdoors-y, get-water-all-over-us shower. With clothes."

"You're giving me images that are totally not commensurate with the peaceful African safari environment," Willow pouted.

Tara had a good idea what images were in Willow's mind, she was entertaining similar images herself. She made many mind pictures earlier at the village, when they were cleaning mud off themselves. They had taken advantage of some rare privacy to douse each other liberally with water and to express their admiration of the resultant sight. She and Willow had taken to sleeping in just panties since Switzerland, and so she was familiar with how easily the redhead's nipples could harden. It was a different view, and sensation, to feel them through a wet T-shirt though. She purred in appreciation at the thought.

Willow shifted and Tara slid up a little so they were face to face.

"MFEO," Tara said.

"Huh?"

"That's us, MFEO."

Willow's brows knitted in concentration as she tried to work out the meaning. "Oh honey, not another abbreviation test, my brain isn't working right now," she said.

"Made for each other," Tara smiled.

Willow had this stupid grin on her face. "Oh. Really?"

"Mmm," Tara sighed happily.

"You know what else we are?" Willow asked.

"No," Tara replied, still dreamy.

"Let me show you," Willow murmured as she moved in to capture Tara's lips.

Soft lips against soft lips, the intensity of emotions grew with each moment. Tara felt like her being, her core, her love were being drawn from the depths of her soul towards the kiss. Towards Willow.

She wanted more, she could sense Willow wanting more, their yearnings apparent by the heavier breathing, the increased heartbeat, the obvious tint of arousal in their eyes.

She slipped one hand inside Willow's loose T-shirt, easily cupped one breast in her palm, and was rewarded with the most pleasurable sigh.

They had been there before, with the touching and stroking, but now was time for more. It's time. She just knew.

She eased Willow's T-shirt up until it was bunched at her shoulders. She lowered her mouth to one nipple while rolling the other into a tight point.

Willow let out a whimper. "What if —, other people —" she managed to squeak out.

"It's dark, we're in a secluded corner," Tara hummed into the center of her attention.

"They'll hear."

"You'll have to be quiet then, no screaming unless it's my name. And then you can be as loud as you like."

"Scream—, baby, are you sure?"

Tara showed her lover her certainty by switching breast and biting down onto the hard nub. Her hand strayed to grasp Willow's ass tighter towards her and she slipped one thigh between Willow's.

Willow somehow managed to gather remnants of her wits. She took Tara's hand and eased her head up from her breast, sighing at the loss of contact.

"Are you sure?" she asked seriously.

"Yes, yes," Tara nodded. "I know I said we should wait for the perfect time, but I can feel it, Will. Remember your journal entry from last night? About how everything about Africa is different — the smells, food, people, even flowers? I want to make it Special, I want us to look back at Africa and remember it as the place where we confirmed our love. I love you so much, I want to show you how much."

Willow's babble seemed to have conveniently gone into hiding. "Oh wow, Tara. I love you too, I can't even come close to describing how much," she could feel tears welling up.

Tara's eyes shone with the certainty of their union. No need for words anymore. She stood up and took Willow's hand in hers, their tent was only a couple of steps away but even so they felt like they could hardly wait. As soon as the flap was closed they were tearing at pesky clothes and falling to the soft safety of the bed. Lips, mouths, hands, fingers and feet were everywhere.

Legs wrapped around the other, slick centers sliding and rubbing against taut thighs, or each other, shooting bolts of pleasure that threatened to turn into uncontrollable screams. Firm fingers brushed against wetness, then plunging deep inside, thumbs firmly lodged against swollen clits.

As the flush of heat grew at the bottom of their stomach and flowed down their bodies to where their passions were being held, literally, in the palms of their hands, they knew they could come together. That their first time together, making love, would be so perfect, so in sync, so effortless, made the sensations even more powerful, their need for release even more intense.

They were seconds away now. So close. Coming, coming. Inner walls contracted and clutched, bliss took over as orgasms rode over one crest, then another, then another, seemingly not needing to stop and rest. Happiness spread from toes to fingers inside, moans turned into screams and screams turned into an endless torrent of unfettered laughter.

They came down slowly, savoring the gentle tremors that still buzzed through them at short intervals.

"MFEO," Willow sighed.

"Yes, my love, MFEO," Tara affirmed.


*****

Edited to add: I should have put a NC-17 rating on the Extra, but I decided not to, because it will give too much away. I excuse myself by relying on the general "Recaps and Extras are R or more" rating for this whole fic. I apologize if this caused any discomfort, feel free to slap me some at your leisure.

_________________
quiet thoughts

Okay so generally I'm entirely too lazy or distracted or procrastinating prone to actually comment on any story. I read it excitedly every update, I tense up when my favorite teams are doing bad, I cheer when they do well, but still I am a jerk and don't comment. After this one I just had to comment:

1. Well first and foremost would of course be the extra with Willow and Tara. It was just so beautiful and perfect for them and sexy, it had me all swoony. And MFEO! Aw, I could die from the sugary love

2. Anya/Xander! They all most lost! Gah, I would've had a fit. I adore them. They are definately my second favorite team. Mostly because I love Anya so much on the show, but the way you write them here I'd like them anyways. I'm definately hoping they make it to the final three

3. AAbot. I was actually kind of sad to see them go. They were definately the most deserving of the boot, but they were kind of fun to have along. They really were a perfect match for the race (well not if they wanted to win, but they're compatible characters, which is why I'm sure you paire them together). Now that all the obvious sucky teams are gone I can't figure out who'll be next. It would be too lucky to loose Riley, but I'll keep my hopes up. As long as I got WT which I will cause otherwise no story, and my Pirates I'll be happy.

You do a really awesome job with the TWOP angle. It makes it much more interesting. It's probably even harder because you aren't actually recapping anything so kudos.

So great job...can't wait for the next one. Anya and money, yay! She's sure to win.

Each episode of the Race gets more and more exciting. I want to say too that I think you do a great job of characterizing. I was rewatching some of season 3 and the brief comments you have from Oz are ones that I could see him saying in cannon as well.

The Extra. Wow. Beautiful. I loved that it was detailed, but not a play by play. It had the perfect balance of detail and emotion.

If TWOP hired you to write recaps, I think I'd read them even if I didn't watch the shows.

cooper

Wow. That was simply beautiful.

The episode recap was great too! I love how darn clever you can be sometimes:


Hehe. Your just don't find that kinda thing in many fics.

Update soon!

_________________
"I'm gonna do my best swan dive into shark-infested waters/ I'm gonna pull out my tampon and start splashing around/ 'Cause I don't care if they eat me alive/ I've got better things to do than survive/ I've got a memory of your warm skin in my hands/ And I've got a vision of blue sky and dry land" - Ani Difranco

Hey there,
Ok, I’m living in some Au because I was really thinking that the TAR producers stole the Sherlock Holmes/Baker Street detour from you but now I can’t find it in your fic. So just so you know, in my imagination, you sent the racers to the Baker Street museum.

On to your “real” update. This one is great and at the same time is an entire episode dedicated to useless bunching. Nothing for the competitors to even do but follow directions and arrive at their destinations in order. Profoundly stupid (no offense intended). But some real highlights:

This was awfully nice of the teams but I suspect it is a little like my high school frog dissection experience: hating biology and “icky” stuff, I picked the class science geek for a partner. Then I let her do all the lab stuff and dissection while I took notes. On the day of the frog dissection, I happened to be out sick. But if you got some organ out intact it was worth a 10 point bonus. I argued to the teacher that even if I had been there, I wouldn’t have helped anyway but somehow, while she was amused, she didn’t give me the points. I suspect that April is in a similar position: even healthy she’d be worthless. Wow, do I digress…

I’m also glad to see the return of the rojak but wondering how big their packs are. All your in-jokes and “coming out” were very amusing and good to see. You’re so private and secretive that it’s nice to see you putting a bit more of yourself into the updates. Glad Willow’s smart enough to negotiate the solo-trip. I have to say that usually the detours seem pretty even but in this case, the cow thing seemed much harder and more time consuming than the dung thing (although the dung thing did involve dung so that’s points against).

Ok, I’m going to take points from Willow for being so incredibly obvious. I mean yeah, Tara is in love with her but for someone who wasn’t even out when they came on the race, the two of them are being pretty darn open about sleeping together. I mean “gave me something…” What else could that be? A deluxe swiss pen knife with compass? Extra RAM for my computer? And you’re telling Rupert who will undoubtedly be uncomfortable and Randy who now has more material for his Buffy fantasies. Not smart.

Willow’s smart with her number strategy. And yes, remembering things in sets is easier than in numbers. Humans can only normally remember 7 numbers. Hence telephone #s 123-223-2222. Split into segments so we are remembering 3 sets. Same with SSN but Driver’s License numbers are harder.

I don’t’ mind W/T being team #2. Respectable and RR didn’t win anything so whatever. Bound to be bunching to leave the continent soon anyway.

What makes me mad about the bunching: it almost causes the pirates to lose. See that’s bad planning when you have a “contest” that makes it look like Aabot may be >= Pirates because the Pirates rock and AAbot are shit.

Teaser: Are we going to the equator?

Extra: The extra was very wonderful and very touching. I like that Tara is FINALLY ready to go all the way. (I guess the blindness wore off – good thing or Willow would have had to do the detour the next day). Very well done. One thing I would say though: to me the word pussies didn’t fit in the update. Here it was a touching and moving and very fast love making and with the perfection and synchronicity and that kind of threw me off track. Understand, I’m no prude (you’ve read Please so you know that) and I don’t have a problem with “spicy talk” in the right situation but for me, that word just didn’t fit in this scene.

Great update.

_________________
Menorah Tales | Working It Out | Random Bits

Okay, Watson…I am a horrible, horrible person. I feel really bad that I just got around to commenting on this considering how much I love your other works and the fact that I do try to catch TAR semi-regularly (only reality show I can stomach…I think its because I love to travel so much). At the very least, I try to scan the TWoP recaps. Speaking of the recaps, I really enjoy how you effectively capture their hilarious, caustic tone. The characters and pair match-ups are great…gosh I’d never thought about how well Oz and Adam’s temperaments could fit together. W/T are just so darn sweet…you write them so endearingly. Great job.

~Cyd

Watson, love your sense of humor, and your choice of phrases for bunching had me cracking up. Your description of the potholes as lunar craters had me nodding and smiling because that is exactly how I refer to New York City potholes. Holes so big that you could lose a whole car if you happened to fall into one are not only found in Africa.

The scene with Willow and Tara after the race was lovely. You captured their love and devotion really well, and aside from being erotic, it was really tender.

Thanks for sharing.

Safuega

That was another great update

It was certainly a good idea for Willow and Tara to bribe the van driver near the start. They seemed to miss most of the bunching for the leg because of that. It's a shame that after being in the lead for most of the race, they were just pipped to the post by team R.Randy.



This made me think of a comment by Chris Golden that when writing Willow and Tara you can make them as dewy eyed in love as you want and it'd never be too much.

Poor Team Rocket (uh, I mean AAbot) The first time they're not last and they get caught by the bunching. Though, to be blunt, they should consider themselves lucky to get as far as they did.



Yeah hitting someone would definitely be of the bad. Who knows they may even get a four hour time penalty for it.

_________________
02/28/2007

Another awesome update. You write the characters very well, in the sense that they seem very close to canon, and you give the reader a very visual story. You wrote the suspense of the last leg very well. I think if I were watching it on a screen, I would have been balled up on the couch.

As usual, your TWoP-style of humor is spot-on. The second half was touching and wonderful. The timing seemed right, and it was emotional yet hot. There's not much I can add that others have not already said, but I certainly look forward to your next chapter.

~ringwaldoeuvre (Mary)

Buh-bye AAbot. Can't say I'm sorry to see them go. Not that I disliked them, really, just that I like all the other remaining teams more.

Although, the Riley half of the Goldies is starting to get on my nerves, which is kinda a shame, 'cuz I like Buffy. Riley needs to stop acting like an asshat, asap.



Ha! I love me some TallShort.

I gotta say, I'm impressed with how well all the teams did with the number memorizing. I could totally see me messing that up. Will's idea of breaking it up into six two digit numbers was brillant.

The end was a little tense, with it being so close between the Pirates and AAbot. I liked the footrace to mat, that was cool. And I'm so glad the Pirates won, they're my second favorite team. I heart Xanya.

And the Extra, with Willow and Tara and smoochies. *sigh*

Great update.

hey (no longer hidden) watson, another fabulous update. as i mentioned in her thread, i love it when you and debra update on the same day, get my reality double-header. your random tumbleweed thought really cracked me up ( i was in chicago and had dinner with gaynow and tarawhipped, and out of nowhere cam's wife made some reference to tumbleweeds, we all just looked at her slackjawed). as usual, so many funny moments in here, i always have to read your updates at least twice. my favorite image this time, though is rupert saying "nice cow", just too funny.
i was a little worried when our girls were back to their wacky outifts, i started thinking that maybe their good mojo from last leg was related to the matching outfits (not too superstitious, am i?) but it was all good.
beautiful scene with willow and tara in the extra, but i think i enjoyed the hints of the post-dung wash-up just as much.
i don't think anyone was too suprised to see aabot's gone, now things should reallllly get interesting. the weakest teams from here on out will prob. be pretty specific to the tasks in front of them. i'm pretty convinced w/t will be in the final two groups, cause otherwise it kinda ceases to be a w/t fic, but i'm not sure you'll let them win . still like the understated competence of tall/short, although hard to see robin and faith losing either. riley is soooo going to self destruct, just a matter of time there.
i had a mental image of oz in the balloon and having to jump up and down to see over the edge of it.
and finally, awesome vacation photos. looks like an amazing place to visit. i didn't get thru all the photos yet, but i'll definitely be going back thru-thanx for sharing them! mary

Wow I am loving this fic. I have to tell you that after I started reading this fic I decided to give season 7 TAR a try and read the TWoP recaps to see what they are like. I really have gotten into this season of TAR. But as far as the recaps go I have to say that I prefer yours. Probably because yours seem to be funnier and filled with inside jokes such as:


I also like how you poke fun of yourself in your recaps by making fun of the TAR producers for the way they set up the race. Makes me laugh every time.

As far as this episode goes I have to say that I was a little sad to see AAbot eliminated. While they probably did deserve it since they weren't the best racers I still liked them better than other people such as Riley. He is really proving to be a jerk and I am hoping that they are eliminated soon.

I liked the extra for this update too. I can understand Tara wanting to wait to the perfect time and I agree that stargazing while in an amazing country is the perfect time. The only thing that I didn't really like was how you used the word pussy in the scene. It just didn't seem to fit in with the rest of the way you were describing it and threw me off for a second. But other than that I loved this update and can't wait for more.

Debra, blue eyed girl and everyone who thought it - I changed the wording, you're right, it didn't fit in there. Thank you for pointing it out!

Now everyone please go back and read the update (well, the Extra anyway) and savor some more W/T lovin' goodness.

_________________
quiet thoughts

A reason to re-read the extra? I'm up for that

Yet another amazing episode of the Amazing Race, with amazing snarkiness and amazing sweetness, and that enormous helping of hotness in the extra

I'm overjoyed that, for once, a lead actually got held through a leg, without too much in the way of bunching. And okay I may be biased, seeing as everyone but the Lovebirds got bunched, but hey, you takes your victories where you can get them. It was a bit disappointing that they got bunched in twos for the balloon rides, but compared to all the times I've seen teams bunched up in threes, fours, or the entire lineup that time in Budapest with the cyber-cafe, having to let one team catch up doesn't seem so bad. And it's Rupert and Randy, it's not like the Lovebirds got stuck with the Principals or something. I'm just pleased that big lead from the last leg didn't get dumped in the first five minutes.

Speaking of the balloon... the organisation of that part didn't bother me so much in general, from an "It's a RAAAACE!" point of view. Sure it would have been nice if they'd been able to secure enough balloons for one-to-a-team, but that'd probably be pushing the logistics. That aside, it seemed to me to be just like any other ride - planes, trains, whatever - except that the scenery rocked. And after all, what kind of race around the world would it be without a balloon ride over the African wilderness?

Efficiency are my official second-favourite team, and for that the credit goes exclusively to the hotness that is Faith. I hope for her sake there's not too much bouncing, cause ouch after a while, but if it's going to happen anyway I sure don't mind it being caught on film. I agree with the slow-mo idea 100% Of course I appreciate all of Faith's qualities as a resourceful and determined woman too, I don't want to sound too sleazy... but damn, the woman is a smutfic on legs

And while I'm talking about smut - well the extra wasn't 'smut' (though various naughty thoughts about the Lovebirds washing off after the detour definitely were), but it was absolutely hot. I was wondering how their first time was going to happen, how it was going to be 'special', and this is a darned good answer. Now they'll always be able to think back and go "Remember our first time?" and it'll be "Yeah, Africa, under all those stars in the middle of this amazing place." It's worthy of W/T love, I like it

Poor AAbot, they just weren't cut out for racing much (unless there's a spin-off, The Amazing Nerd Race... that just gave me this bizarre mental image of a dog race track, with all these nerds staggering along in pursuit of a Lord of the Rings DVD pack signed by Peter Jackson mounted on a motorised rail). But I'll give them some credit, they're nice people and they didn't get furiously bitchy even when things went wrong for them. Which was pretty much always. Yay for the Amazing Producers (which of course is you, I keep forgetting) for letting them pause to get over April's rebellious stomach. I know it's a RAAAACE, but I'd rather see people racing and enjoying their remarkable high-speed world tour, rather than just head down, legs pumping, and ignoring everything else, even if that would be more in the competetive spirit.

Biggest giggle this episode went to 'wait for more people' being code for 'bribe me with money' - I too can't imagine how Anya didn't think of that, with close second to everyone trying to get their cows to go in the right direction, and providing a free show for the locals. It brought back memories of reading the "My ox is broken!" story, though sadly that was before my time watching the show.

And Riley's fast becoming the villain of the piece. I'm all for Buffy dumping his sorry ass in somewhere inconvenient, like the middle of nowhere in the Sahara or something. And, on the non-villainous but still worrying side, Faith's concern over Robin's nesting instinct I wonder if that'll come to a head during the show?

So, looking at the standings now... interestingly, despite the mega-bunch of everyone behind the Lovebirds, no-one seemed to move very much that leg. Buffy and Riley dropped a couple of spaces and Oz and Adam picked them up, but otherwise everyone either stayed where they were or only moved one place. The Pirates are having a bit of a bad patch, but I'd still put them in the final three, I think they'll haul their butts out of sixth place pretty quickly, unless disaster befalls them. If they did go though, it'd make an interesting race - the Lovebirds would be ally-less and reliant on just their own wits to survive.

Yet another great instalment of the race

_________________
Chris Cook

Through the Looking-glass - Every world needs a Willow and Tara.

Thanks for taking the time to comment, I realize these episodes are long and full of words so are difficult to read. Well. they are the cutest sweetest pair, so nothing short of full sugary goodness for W/T goodness .

But then I planned the whole route and all, and with my recapper hat on I can snark at the mistakes I made with my producer hat. For instance the bunching at Narok, I got them there but realized there's no transport to the Masai Mara, so I had to take the "arranged" transport route. Probably just a B for route planning, but what possibilities for recapping!

~~~~~


thank you. I can't write play by play smut, at least not at my level of writing experience. I prefer to write it more simple, glad you liked.

~~~~~


I got a kick out of that one, wait till Carleen reads this (she's catching up). I'm that you appreciate these little in-jokes, hopefully they don't exclude the casual reader. Thanks for reading!

~~~~~


None taken. Problem in Kenya is the lack of suitable public transportation, the buses and matatus go as far as Narok, then it's private transport to the Masai Mara and other reserves. As Producer that was not so clever planning on my part, then again I get to snark at myself for the stupid bunching . RL TAR has a lot of bunching too (plus gates that have been closed re-opening) so it's not "out of character" for the show.

Thanis . Don't want to chase away casual readers, but most of us here are pretty clued in, so I'm glad you get the little asides.

The whole telling Rupert and Randy scene? Looking back, I wished I'd sat on the update longer before posting (usually I wait a day and re-read it like 3-4 times) because if I had ths change, I'd write it differently. I'd forgotten about the from the Episode 1 Extra. I think I wrote Rupert's reaction wrong. In fact, I confess that I rushed the first time, originally I had it planned for somethign like Episode 10, but I looked at the route planner and decided I wanted it to happen in Africa, cos it's more special. As a result, I don't think I wrote it as well as I could have. Hope you were still able to enjoy some of it.

Definitely with the numbers. The 2-2-2 trick was taught to me by a tax accountant, it works just as well as the 3-3 trick. But with longer sequences you're right, groups of 3 does the trick. I was also taught to associate numbers, like with people's ages or years, so it's easier to remember.

Thanks for the words about the Extra, and the tip. My oversight and over-enthusiam.

And you added a fic to the challenge, how awesome's that.

~~~~~


They're both the serious, quiet type that has more layers than expected, surprisingly easy to characterize.

Why gosh darn they are so completely sweet, that's why we all love them !

~~~~~


ah but at least the streets in New York are tarred, some of the roads in Kenya were basically dirt tracks, no tar, no lines, no curbs. And vans and even large trucks use them.

Thanks, I wanted a good first time, and like I said to Debra, I brought it forward, so it wasn't as well developed as I would have liked.

~~~~~


Most of the time I'd totally agree with this. However, I don't quite enjoy fics that have them super 5000% perfect, I do like them a little more humanized.

~~~~~


One of the challenge/ difficulty about writing action is how to visualize it with words. On TV they can use images and editing, too much editing in written format just confuses. Thanks for your encouragement .

~~~~~


The words "Here we go here we go" (British soccer hooligan chant) is reverberating through my mind

You're not alone there, but we need our villain don't we?

Ooookay, Irene the beta having a say, but choo-choo was what came to my mind and choo-choo I left it, the van was a kind of train-wreck though .

It's Zenyatta Mondatta but I kinda had that in mind when I came to that, so I just stuck it in.

Oh, and I'll pass your letter to the Producers of the Amazing Kitten Race. Due consideration will be taken of your request for more footage of our competitor "Faith", however in fairness to the other competitors, we may be obliged to also show more teeth gritting by competitor "Riley" and scratching of private parts by competitors "Xander" and "Oz".

~~~~~


I'm glad you like the other teams. Though this is a W/T fic, I didn't want to make the other characters boring caricatures, Riley needs a good humbling and as for TallShort, I was surprised how easy it was to write them.

Yes, thank you .

~~~~~


You're so great at catching the little aside moments, can't you just hear Giles saying that?

Well, not saying . Cos if W/T get eliminated, I can simply switch the focus to Sequesterville, and there'd be even more smoochies. So, yeah, not saying .

And you put it there to make me jealous didn't you ?

~~~~~


Nothing more fun than making serious fun at yourself. At least no one can get offended .

Yes, that provided the perfect backdrop. I'm kinda angry at myself for not thinking about it earlier and giving me some more time to write it. Glad you liked and thanks for the feedback about that bad word starting with "p".

~~~~~


Too right!

Not a race at all! I'm having images of Phileas Fogg and Passepartout on a balloon over the African wilderness saying "it's a RAAACE!"

That girl is hot central, the hottest thing that ever came to Sunnydale, even including W/T, who are red hot in other ways. I've yet to come across a Buffy fanatic who doesn't think Faith is hot.

No, not really. Me can't write detailed smut :( does it mean my bunny badge is gonna be revoked?

Oh phew, methinks I passed Leader C's assessment and can keep the badge afterall.

I think they're too good as racers to let that worry them during the race, but it certainly will, outside the race.

oh that is just .


~~~~~

_________________
quiet thoughts

Title: The Amazing Kitten Race
Author: watson (hiddenwatson@yahoo.com)
Distribution: this is for Pens, if you want to archive it elsewhere, please let me know me first
Rating: Episodes are PG-13, Recaps and Extras are R or more
Disclaimer: BtVS characters, concepts and dialog belong to Mutant Enemy, Fox, The WB, UPN and others. The Amazing Race belongs to CBS, Amazing Race Productions Inc, Touchstone Television Productions Inc, Jerry Bruckheimer Productions and others.
Summary: The Amazing Race Crossover. It's a race around the world. Who will be Eliminated? Who will win $1 million?


Episode 8 - I'm going to be the slayer

Episode recap

Thomson's Falls, in the western part of Kenya, was discovered in 1883 by Joseph Thomson, the first European to walk from Mombasa to Lake Victoria. Next to it is the Thomson's Falls Lodge, first built in the 1930's and still retaining much of the colonial atmosphere. At an altitude of 7800 feet, it is a popular base for high altitude training for international athletes. It was also the latest Pitstop on our racearoundtheworld.

Attention is on Willow & Tara, in a totally embarrassing and intrusive way.

"Well, aren't you going to tell us?" Anya asks pointedly. "They're such sweet people, you know normally you see PDA and you're like all, give me a break already. But they're not like that, though I think they act more discretely at home," she says in a voice-over.

"Not telling," Tara tries to fend her off. Willow grins.

"I'm going to bug you and bug you and bug you," Anya teases.

"Oh alright, Tara named a constellation after me," says Willow. "Tara has this habit of giving unconventional names to star systems, and she made up a name for me," she interviews.

If I have a buck for every time those two come up with something cute but not overly syrupy like that, I can retire from my day job and do this writing gig full time. And still have enough left over to be able to afford imported sourdough bread from Poilâne Paris.

Here's Phil's voice-over, just as endearing but in a different way. He wonders if Rupert & Randy can continue their winning streak, or if Xander & Anya can hold their alliance with Willow & Tara and avoid the pitfalls of coming last.

12.32am. Rupert & Randy take out their clue and find out that they are to drive towards Nairobi until they reach the equator. There they will get a certificate and their next clue. Randy's blonde coloring seems to be fading out, and he's not wearing any gel, leaving him with a quite pleasant sandy mop that's kinda cute, really.

12.40am. Willow & Tara appear a little bedraggled in crumpled, formerly colorful T-shirts. Looks like sleep deprivation from the night before is catching up with them, oh, a little KF kicking in? [/evil grin]

1.19am Adam & Oz in matching baseball caps, what an odd sight. Oz looks fine in a twelve year old sort of way, but on tall and serious Adam, something's off. I think he's more of a wide brimmed hat guy.

1.33am. Faith & Robin count out the money, they have $199. "We got complacent, and the competition is heating up, it's getting more difficult. But we're having a good time, the balloon flight this morning was unforgettable," says Robin.

2.17am. Buffy & Riley at the cluebox. "Now's the time to show the others what it means to be professional champions, if this involves coldly picking them out one by one, that's what we'll do," Riley says. A hell of a lot more convincing if they haven't been slipping position leg after leg. And, professional champions? You mean I can open up my Yellow Pages, look under "C" and find the numbers for a champion? And what does a champion do in this day and age?

2.28am. Xander & Anya, the last team to depart. Sixth place twice in a row, they can't afford one more slip up.

Even though it's dead of night, the sign at the side of the road is fully illuminated. It screams "You are Now Crossing the Equator" in large bold letters. There is a souvenir shop by the sign, with the obligatory sign that says "Get Your Equator Certificates Here! Fully Endorsed!" Endorsed by whom? What for?

What's new? Opening hours 8am to 5pm. Alright, let's get ready with the music. A one, a two, a one-two-three,
[blockquote]
B-U-N-C-H-I-N-G, how much do we detest thee?
B-U-N-C-H-I-N-G, don't want you anywhere near.
[/blockquote]
Alright, alright, I never made the cheerleading squad. Didn't want to anyway, nyah nyah nyah.

Teams spread out their sleeping gear on the equator, or go back to their cars to sleep. They wake up early morning and have the not so envious task of getting ready using the rather basic facilities available.

"You prepare yourself for differences in standards when you go abroad, but the bathroom facilities here are, well, let's just say, pretty gross. Most of the time it's a hole in the ground, even though I prefer the hole to something I don't want to touch. We've been lucky, the first few nights were in hotels or campsites, this was the first time roughing it for me. I don't want to think how it'll be like if we go to India or another poor country," Buffy shudders.

At eight o'clock the shopkeeper comes out with, wait, a pink plastic basin and a matching bucket, one empty and the other filled with water. He gets everyone to gather round and explains about how water flows in different directions on either side of the equator. To illustrate he releases a plug set at the bottom of the basin and pours water from the bucket. Then he takes the team to the other side of the sign and repeats the procedure. On the face of it, the water does flow in different directions when flowing out through the plughole.

To be honest, the teams are more concerned with getting their certificates and the clue. While waiting for the man to painstakingly write the certificates out, we get a chance to find out more about this water effect from our resident scientist, Lovebird Willow.

"It's about as real as David Copperfield flying. Supposedly this is caused by the earth's rotation, something called the Coriolis Effect, but the full impact is felt only in large, slow moving systems like weather patterns. How water flows down a drain depends on how you pour the water, not due to the earth's rotation," she explains. Aha! Now we know.

They get their certificates, supposedly signed by some authorized signatory (yeah, the shopkeeper, authorized my right ear).



They also get their next clue that tells them to fly to Bangkok, Thailand and find Bangkok's tallest hotel. They are excited as hell as they run to their cars and proceed to drive to Nairobi, which Helpful and Sexy Phil tells us is 3 hours. Buffy must be pleased we're not going to India (yet, may be?).

They drive along fairly decent roads, although there are still some hellmouth-sized potholes. "I'm not going to miss these," Xander muses as Anya negotiates her way round one of those babies. "Do they have roads in Thailand? Man, I don't think my stomach can take any more," he whines.

What? Clearly, Xander, you are confusing Asia with Africa. You have never googled for Bangkok buildings or heard of the Mandarin Oriental in Bangkok, consistently voted Best Business Hotel in the world, have you. Sometimes I wish I'd paid more attention to my French teacher, so I can pass off as French, or Latvian, or whatever nationality that's as non-American as possible. Sheesh.

My attention, thankfully, returns to the teams arriving at Jomo Kenyatta International Airport. Who wins first prize for consistently aggressive driving that brings his team first? Oooh pick me, Miss, pick me! The answer is Riley! But no, that's not right, hehehe, this time he is beaten by Adam's long legs. [*okay, we've been through this before. Long legs do not fast drivers make. Otherwise Uma Thurman will drive, you know, way faster than Michael Schumacher.*]

TallShort goes straight to the Kenya Airways counter, "When is the first flight to leave for Bangkok?" they ask. The ticket agent doesn't quite understand the rather basic question, and they spend a few minutes explaining. Eventually they book themselves on KQ230, leaving at 9.45pm. That's right. 9.45pm. Like, it's still mid-morning and they have an evening flight. "Everyone will get the same flight," Oz states.

Goldies arrive next and get on the same flight. "We're going to have to run fast to get out of the plane when we get to Bangkok," Riley reminds Buffy. No, not just the plane, there's the whole terminal and taxi stand business, FarmBoy.

The remaining four teams arrive and there's no trouble getting tickets. Anya, with her Geneva experience, and back on her "I'm a Shrewd" modus operandi, asks the agent about earlier flights. She is excited when she hears about a 7.25pm flight via Dubai. But her excitement is short-lived. "For a minute I thought I was onto something, but it turned out that the Dubai flight arrived an hour after the direct flight," she interviews.

There at the terminal, the current team alliances become apparent. The YDCs are no longer one coherent group. We have the Lovey-dovey Alliance and we have the athletes - Goldies and Efficiency. And then we have TallShort and R.Randy, who seem to have come together the way the last few people at dodgeball seem to always congregate together, safety in numbers I guess.

"We're thinking of finding a hotel," Tara says to Anya. I bite back a smartass remark about Lovebirds 'getting a room' as I see how tired they are, Willow in particular seems barely able to keep her eyes open. Ah, Killer Fatigue, how lovely to see you again.

~~~~~

Teams board the Kenya Air flight. "Wow, Ace, look at this," Faith points out to Robin. Oh, I didn't know there's a second hand market in planes, I really should check out ebay more often, may be I'll find myself a bargain. There are signs on the plane that have Air France and Korean Air labels, this 747 sure has done its rounds.

They settle in for a long flight. "We haven't slept much the last couple of nights, though we hate that all the teams are together, personally I'm glad for a few hours' of sleep," Willow says. She still looks to be under the thrall of KF though.

A lonely Amazing Yellow Line traverses the globe and lands in Thailand, the Land of Smiles. Bangkok airport is as hectic as Nairobi Airport, but there's a marked difference.

"Oh my god, we have real air-conditioning," Anya exclaims as she and Xander exit the plane first. Naturally there's a mad rush to the taxi-stand, with screams of "Taxi!" reverberating around the crowded concourse. Locals and other tourists wisely step out of the way.

Pirates get the first taxi and tell the driver to go to the Baiyoke Hotel. "We, actually, Willow and Tara found out about the hotel, back at the Holiday Inn Nairobi. It wasn't difficult, I'm pretty sure the other teams have the same information," Anya expositions. Well, with the what, eight or nine hours they have in Nairobi, any team that doesn't have that info should suffer a 24-hour time penalty, if you ask me.

No problems with the hotel, but getting there may be a problem. "Bangkok is nothing like what I expected," says Randy. "I had images of the King and I, you know, all royal palaces and docile Thai girls and elephants. Instead, I feel like I'm back home in New York, only with even more pollution and signs I don't understand. I only hope the traffic's not the same."

Oh Randy, be careful of offending the god of wishful thinking. Because that's exactly what you get for saying it out loud, you jinx everything. Next thing we see them stuck in a huge (or as Trump says, yoooge) traffic jam. [*Of course, the Donald would have had the road cleared for him, or lined with cheering supporters, or will get rescued by the Trumpticoptor.*] Unfortunately Randy is neither the Donald, his Viceroys, Boyfriend Bill or K-k-kelly, so he doesn't get red carpet treatment. He asks the taxi driver what's the matter but gets a shrug, he asks if there's another route and gets another shrug.

"Calm down. Looks like the traffic is thinning out a little," Rupert consoles him.

Randy's convinced the driver's deliberately trying to get more money out of them, or is being lazy. Or something. He just can't believe this is happening. He taps the driver and impatiently asks what's going on again, and gets a shrug and a stream of Thai this time. Look, Randy, Mr Taxi Driver doesn't want to be there either, give him a break. As for getting more fare, anyone who's ever taken a ride in a taxi can tell you he'll make more when he's not stationary.

"I was having a New York moment, but sitting there like lame ducks, it was frustrating," he interviews.

Meantime, some of the other teams, namely Pirates, Efficiency and Lovebirds, find taxis with GPRS, reach the Baiyoke Hotel and get their clue from the concierge. They are to find the Erawan Shrine and give traditional offerings to the four-faced statue there.

It's taxi time again.

In other news, TallShort and Goldies arrive at the hotel and get the clue.

In more other news, R.Randy seem to have cleared the traffic jam, they arrive at the hotel as well.

Phil, in glorious hotness that is off-white linen shirt and pants that are slightly Oriental in styling [*he must have gone shopping at Jim Thompson's.*], tells us that the Erawan Shrine is a holy place built to counter the supposed bad luck during the construction of the Grand Hyatt hotel next doors, and has remained in place because the locals believe a visit to the shrine brings them good luck. Teams need to purchase flower garlands or wooden elephants from the vendors outside the shrine and offer their purchases up for good luck.

Lovey-dovey Alliance walk through the smoke and incense that is the Erawan Shrine. Now I'm glad we don't have smell-o-vision, cos the thick incense smell will probably get me tripping so high that I won't come down from my sandcastles in the skies for days and days and what will you, my dear readers, do without my brilliant recaps? [*cough, cough, cough, that's enough of the self-congratulations you ego-freak.*]

As soon as they get off the taxi they are surrounded by women and children selling stuff, shades of Narok here. They buy garlands, offer them up to the four-faced statue and receive a clue that tells them to make their way to Wat Po, Bangkok's oldest temple.

"Let's get out of here, I don't want to smell like I've walked through a volcano," Anya complains.

"I think it's nice, shows how devoted the worshippers are," says Tara. Anya shoots her a 'you're kidding me' look but stays tight-lipped.

On their way out they pass Efficiency getting out of their taxi. They get their clue and reveal there's a Yield ahead.

TallShort. Adam towering over the women selling their garlands and statues, while Oz seems to be buried in a sea of women. "Caution, Yield ahead," they inform us again. Oh how I hate these Yields, they do nothing for the Race. Kill Yields!

Goldies de-taxi and are mobbed. "Flowers for Brahma," says one woman hawker, shoving a bunch of garlands in their faces and tries to put one over Riley's head. "Buy flowers," she insists.

"Get off me!" yells Riley, as he tries to shake her off. She is more used to this than he is, the more he brushes her off the more she says "buy flowers. Beautiful flowers."

"They're not beautiful, look at them, they're rotten and torn. I'm not buying this and don't touch me you stupid woman," he spats.

Buffy intervenes and buys a garland off the woman, who gives Riley the evil-eye before leaving. Buffy doesn't even try to bargain.

"You're just encouraging them," he snarls.

"We need to buy an offering, it's in the clue," Buffy points out.

"We could have bought from someone else, not that, that bitch," he says.

"They have to make a living, besides I think you shouldn't be shouting at her," says Buffy.

"It's part of their culture, they expect it," Riley rebukes.

"It's not a part of any culture to be rude," Buffy argues back. She storms off with the offering, cutting off any retort from Riley.

We've had what, seven seasons of TAR now, and some aspect of the Intolerable Traveler always show up at some point. I understand it goes both ways, that in some countries the harassment can become unbearable. But how difficult is it to shake your head and walk away? Calling people names, that's never smart.

Amongst the dramarama, R.Randy also arrive and get the clue.

~~~~~

Like Phil says, Wat Po is an old and important temple in Bangkok. Now in, say, Stamford CT (where we started the Race), having a temple with a buddha statue will be enough to attract tourists and the faithful. But in a city that has a temple [*wat, they call them wats, watson. And I so couldn't resist that.*] seemingly on every street corner, you have to do more to stand out.

That doesn't include having a huge yellow Yield sign at your entrance gate, but that's what the Lovey-dovey Alliance find when they de-taxi. They choose not to exercise the Yield, which is acceptable for me, at this stage of the race a Yielded team will probably catch up and nobody wants to waste it.

Just behind the eye-catching Yield sign is an eye-catching cluebox. At the cluebox they learn it's the Clinking Coins Roadblock, where the designated person will have to go to the giant reclining buddha, pick up a copper bowl full of coins, and drop the coins one by one into smaller bowls arranged all along its length.

Now this statue, it's like 150 feet long and 40 feet high, with the buddha leaning back on his elbows. It's also covered in gold and is a pretty impressive sight. Hmmm, I'm thinking this may be what Wat Po is famous for, and what attracts the tourists and faithful. May be, hmmm? [*stop being sarcastic, no one understood the joke.*]

Oh, there's a twist. There are 108 small bowls altogether, but the number of coins in the large bowl may not be exactly 108. The Coinblocker must find one that has exactly that number, there can't be any shortage, or excess, when they get to the end of the line. If they don't have exactly 108, they have to go back and start again. It's all about luck, and which bowl they pick. Awesome.

Anya takes it for the Pirates. "I have a natural affinity to money," she says as she enthusiastically starts dropping coins into the small bowls.

Tara is the Lovebirds' representative and also starts, concentration apparent on her face.

Clink clink clink. Not enough coins. Too many coins. Go back to the beginning. It's mind-boggingly numb, watching them. By the start of Anya's third attempt and Tara nearly finishing her second, Efficiency arrive. Faith takes it for her team. Now there's a small jam as they shuffle along the line o' bowls.

TallShort arrive, Oz volunteers, perhaps cos he's smaller and less intrusive? Or has smaller hands so it's easier to handle the coins? [*Huh?*]

Goldies make their entrance and note they haven't been Yielded. "It's the second time I'm tempted to yield Randy, but I have to think strategically and this is not the right time," Riley voice-overs. Riiiight, strategically as opposed to what? Emotionally? The words coming out of Riley's mouth today, perhaps that's a form of KF, or I might just be too generous to him.

Buffy is the chosen one. "I'm going to be the slayer on this task," she says. The god of wishful thinking splashes water in the bathtub and reaches for a fluffy towel.

Anya's affinity to money does work out, she gets it right in her fourth attempt. Whoop! They go. And get a clue telling them to fly to Singapore and find the no signboard at the two durians. They puzzle over what a 'due-ryan' is, but decide it's better to ask at the airport. They hop into a taxi. "Go fast!" they instruct.

Faith gets it in three. Yay Efficiency!

R.Randy arrive and Rupert opts to take the task.

Tara and Oz finish almost together. "It took me five tries!" Tara exclaims to Willow as they pick up their backpacks. "You did great, baby," Willow smiles and gives Tara an encouraging squeeze.

Adam & Oz get into their taxi. They don't call each other "baby" or give each other encouraging hugs but I sense Adam is pleased with Oz's performance anyway.

Buffy is becoming increasingly frustrated. She has too many coins. Or too few. In the middle of the task, she drops the copper bowl and coins roll out all over the floor, making clinking and jingly sounds. It's endless, she never seems to pick the bowl with the right number of coins. Riley looks on with steam coming out of his ears.

Adam & Oz have a little taxi problem, their driver has pulled into a gas station. Ah, the Need for Fuel scenario that is a must in every TAR season. "What are you doing?" Adam asks the driver. Okay, Adam, I've harbored a grudging admiration for you and your team-mate so far, but asking the obvious? So not like you.

"We need to hurry," Oz presses the driver.

"Okay, I no charge you big fare," the driver answers. Which doesn't make sense. What's a big fare? As opposed to small fare? Big as in Adam-sized and small like Oz? They smartly pushes him about what he means, and ends up getting a discount. But time lost is forever gone, so they'd better get going quickly.

Back at the Reclining Buddha, Rupert triumphantly finishes. Randy flashes a 'beat that, sucker' smirk at Riley who by now has the look of death on him (or that he's constipated, it's the same look). Buffy soldiers on, what can she do? Drop, clink. Drop, clink. Story of her life. "I simply couldn't find the bowl with the right number of coins, I kept trying and trying, somebody didn't like me today," she interviews.

~~~~~

Xander & Anya at the airport, looking for flights to Singapore. The next one is on Thai Airways flight TG409, departing 1515, they have 13 minutes to make the gate.

I'm looking at airtimetable.com and I count 22 flights, I kid you not, 22 flights between Bangkok and Singapore a day. The earliest at 0710 and the last one at 1940. At around the 3 o'clock mark, which seems to be the time teams arrive at the airport, there are flights almost every hour. It's the plane version of going to Penn station and looking for a train to Hicksville, which, in case you've never had the pleasure of experiencing the 'lovely' Long Island Rail Road, is around 4 trains an hour.

Faith & Robin at the airport, they get the Thai flight by the skin of their teeth. Xander & Anya, needless to say, are none too happy to see their biggest competition on the same plane.

Willow & Tara at the airport. Too late for the 1515, they're told there's one at 1600 on Singapore Airlines. "Let's see if there's an earlier flight on a smaller airline," Tara says, turning her eyes to the large departure board.

Willow is definitely suffering from KF because she seems glued to the Singapore counter. "It's close enough, let's just get on this flight," she says, sounding very tired.

"There may be one a little earlier that buys us 20 minutes, we're already behind Xander & Anya and probably Faith & Robin," Tara urges.

Willow takes a deep breath but doesn't make a move.

"Will! Snap out of it!" Tara almost shouts.

Willow looks at her girlfriend with surprise and a little astonishment. Then she does snap out of it and smiles sheepishly. "Sorry honey, let's go," she says. "I was definitely suffering from lethargy at that point, it's been a long few days, with not a lot of sleep, jet lag and change in surroundings. I'll have to work harder to get my second wind," she interviews.

Tara's insistence pays off, they find a 1540 on SAS. "Not an airline you'd expect to be flying from Bangkok to Singapore, but it did get us into Singapore 25 minutes before the SQ flight," Tara smiles, happy at the result.

All together now: Tara is a Star!

Adam & Oz get the 1600 SQ7, getting in at 1925.

Rupert & Randy race up to the SQ counter, they miss the 1600 by minutes. They plead, they beg, they use the 'emergency' trick, but no can do sirs. [*at least they didn't use 'doctoro'.*] The next one is at 1720 on Garuda Indonesia (an interesting name for an airline, I must look up what 'garuda' means).

Wait? Where are the Goldies? Why, still at Wat Po, still at Coinblock. Karma coming back at Riley for his insensitivity at the shrine, but poor Buffy is the one suffering. She's tired and totally flagging. "C'mon, babe, you gotta do this," he tries to prop her up. "I'm trying," she whimpers. "Try harder," he admonishes. "This is too difficult," she continues. "You gotta do this," he says. "I can't," she sobs.

Will they make the flight? Will they? Will they?

Of course they do. But not after we have commercials, naturally. Like I'm stupid.

The Amazing Yellow Lines make their way the short distance between Bangkok and Singapore. I can't believe how narrow that bottom part of Thailand is. In case we're confused, Phil summarizes:

• Xander & Anya and Faith & Robin on the 1515 on Thai TG409, arriving 1835
• Willow & Tara on the 1540 on SAS SK973, arriving 1900
• Adam & Oz on the 1600 on Singapore SQ7, arriving 1925
• Rupert & Randy and Buffy & Riley on the 1720 on Garuda GA853, arriving 2045

~~~~~

We're now Singapore, otherwise known as that tiny red dot at the tip of the Malaysia peninsula. If Bangkok is sprawling chaos, Singapore is sterile affluence. One of the richest nations in that part of the world, Singapore just celebrated 40 years of independence and in 2004 was voted the best managed city in the world. [*how do you, like, manage a city, do you give it tasks and do quarterly performance appraisals?*] The flipside is that her citizens have traded off certain personal liberties in exchange for the prosperity. But to most Singaporeans, what's a little apathy and censorship when they can live their lives in peace and enjoy a high standard of living?

There are certain groups that don't enjoy such freedom, including anyone opposed to the government and basically people who don't think or act like the sheep the government wants them to be, for instance the 'deviants against the order of nature' that is the GLBT community. But this is not the place to talk at length about that.

Returning to our Racers. They are suitably in awe. "What a wonderful airport, everyone speaks English, there's definitely a very western feel about Singapore," Robin explains.

They beeline towards the information counter and are told the 'durians' can be found at the Esplanade concert hall, so called because the buildings are shaped like one of those spiky fruits. I hope they don't smell like them, oh man, I can totally remember the smell of durians. People who love them simply can't get enough, people who hate them simply can't get far away enough, I've never seen mere fruit evoke such polar reactions. I just hope they don't have eating durians for a task, hmmm, then again they may.

The first two teams arrive and get onto taxis. After the self-driving in Europe and the matatu roller-coasters in Africa, it's perhaps fitting that they enter the land of taxis in Asia. And friendly drivers who engage them in conversation!

"You going camping?" the taxi driver asks Efficiency, eyeing their backpacks.

"No, just on a trip around the world," Faith answers.

"Ah, I know," Mr Driver says. "It's on tv, my son loves it."

They have TAR in Singapore? Yes, I'm told they also have Survivor, American Idol (and their own Singapore Idol), The Bachelor, The Apprentice, The Simple Life, Joe Millionaire and Extreme Makeover, amongst others. And that's on terrestrial tv. Okay, can you seriously overdose on reality tv? I think so, if you watch Singapore tv.

He drops Faith & Robin off at the Esplanade, and true enough, the roof looks exactly like giant pillows covered with sharp spikes. Wouldn't want to accidentally fall on top of them, my butt will hurt too much. [*that is, if you're a giant the size of these huge babies.*]

They run inside to enquire about the 'no signboard', which turns out to be the name of a seafood restaurant inside the complex. They get the next clue a few minutes before Pirates, and find that it's a Detour.

In this Detour teams choose between Text Your Way or Serve Your Way. In Text, teams take part in one of Asia's fasting growing obsessions, text messaging, and solve the riddle of "What are the 5Cs that Singaporeans look for?" by following clues texted to them on a cellphone. In Serve, teams play their part in another Singaporean pastime, eating, by traveling 4 miles to a housing estate, purchasing 5 meals from the local hawker food stalls and delivering them to 5 different units in the estate.

Both Pirates and Efficiency pick the food delivery and open the envelope to find their 'menu'. "I could recognize some of the dishes, like chicken satay, but have no idea what popiah or char kway teow are," Anya says. She pronounces char kway teow slowly, trying to hit each syllable, but not doing too well.

Lovebirds at the airport, they hop on a taxi to the concert hall and get to the Detour. They decide to do Text. "We text each other all the time, I knew getting on the same network will come in handy one day," Willow grins. They pick up their cellphone and press the necessary key combination to indicate they're ready. The message comes back bsmt 1 tckt mch. "Basement 1 ticket machine," Willow's eyes shine the brightest we've seen all day.

They get to the ticket machines and get the first "C", C1:how u pA. "How you pa?" asks Tara. "No, not pa ... pay! How you pay. How do you pay, oh, credit card," Willow whoops. And they have their first "C" out of five.

Their second clue tells them they need to find suntec yeLo z0n bsmt3 jag 3-09 licns. Wow, that's hard. They run off to get help. At the lobby of the concert hall, they find a couple of ushers, who recognize the first part of the clue and tell them that Suntec City is a large office/shopping mall complex only a few minutes' walk away, the complex is split into different colored zones. "Yellow zone, basement 3!" Willow exclaims, that girl has found her second wind. They wonder what 'jag 3-09' mean. "We'll find out when we get there," Tara says.

Hey, this Detour is kewl! It's not 'take this form of transport and go there', it actually uses a little brainpower, and I think will suit the Lovebirds.

Meanwhile the food deliverers have reached the hawker center and decide on the most prudent strategy when you have to buy stuff you can't pronounce in a foreign country - get a fern. Efficiency asks a young man even more well muscled than them while Pirates corner a group of teenagers. "Can you help us with these food purchases?" Anya asks, very to the point she is.

MuscleFern takes Efficiency round the various stalls while TeenFerns split up and quickly help Pirates make their orders. Then it's just a question of waiting for the cooks to finish cooking. Robin, in particular, is very interested in the unusual food and is amazed at how quickly the cook can assemble a dish, especially in the confines of a small space. "Wow, these places are clean, cheap and the food looks and smells great. My restaurant can learn a thing or two from them," he says.

Efficiency get their first meal, a chicken satay set, then hurry to the second stall to get more chicken, this time roast chicken with rice.

Pirates find out what char kway teow is, it's fried rice noodles with meat & veg, an enticing looking combination, especially piping hot from the cook's wok. They move off to find mutton murtabak, a kind of curry.

Efficiency get their last dish, nasi lemak, a combination of coconut rice, fish, chicken wing, egg and condiments.

Pirates are at the same stall and get the coconut rice, together with an order of popiah, a thin rice roll that looks like a giant white spring roll. Wait, did Efficiency forget this? It seems so, cos they're at the exit of the hawker center and they're checking to see they have everything, and discover they've missed the popiah. They run back, although not as quickly as usual cos they're carrying a plethora of containers of people's dinners.

~~~~~

Elsewhere, Adam & Oz arrive, make their way to Esplanade and decide on the Text Detour. They follow the message to the basement 1 ticket machine and spend a few minutes figuring out the answer of C1:credit card. They're even more puzzled at the second message. Uh-oh. "Are you sure we should be doing this?" Oz asks. "I'm not sure," says Adam.

Lovebirds at Suntec Yellow Zone Basement 3, the carpark. They guess correctly that 3-09 is a parking spot and they need the 'licns', or license plate. "Let's key it in," Willow is definitely taking the lead on this Detour. Yay! Here's the next "C", C2:d licns iz 4 a?. "The license is for a? Car of course." Woot! she is on a roll.

Straight-away they get the third clue, to go to a bank and key in the branch code, which is displayed on a small plaque outside. They do that and get the third "C" riddle, C3:u cn git dis frm an atm. They get the answer of Cash easily. Cash, Car, Credit Card. 5Cs. Hmmm, I see a pattern here.

TallShort are still struggling with the second text message, the helpful ushers have disappeared. They try at a nearby ice cream shop and the helpful scoopers direct them to Suntec City.

Back with the food deliverers, they make their way around the maze of apartment blocks. Efficiency make their first delivery, but get no tips. Bad people! A few minutes later, Pirates knock on the same door and deliver more food, they don't get any tips either.

And so on. Efficiency at one apartment. Pirates in another. "These apartments are really small, but we're told the majority of locals live in estates like this. I'd hate to have neighbors so close," says Anya.

Cut to Lovebirds at their 4th clue, C4:most xclusve addr, lvng n lap f luxury. "What the frilly heck?" Willow mutters. They find a Pizza Hut and ask for help with the clue. "What's C4? Some sort of explosive?" someone with pizza all over his fingers asks. Hey buddy, you're supposed to be helping, not passing sarcastic remarks. They explain they're supposed to be looking for the 5Cs. An atom bomb explodes above the guy's head, "Cash, Car, Credit Card, Club, Condo," he recites. Hey dude! You're not supposed to do that! Well, there are no rules that say he can't. What are Willow & Tara supposed to do? Clamp his mouth shut as soon as he starts? Apart from the hygiene factor (guy's got pizza all over him after all) they won't be quick enough, and they can't exactly erase what they hear from their minds, right?

They thank him, I get the feeling even though they are grateful for his help, they can't wait to get out of his vicinity. "We had help from someone at Suntec City, he basically blurted out all the answers, but we followed the clues anyway," Tara explains. They key in 'condo' and get the next clue, C5/Clue:hom frm hom, a slice of apple pI n scotts rd. "We need a map," they say.

Pirates get to their final delivery and receive the next clue. "Make your way to the American Club at Scott's Road," Whoa, we're back to spoon-fed clues, I praised the Amazing Producers too soon.

Efficiency finish not long after, but have difficulties hailing a taxi. The ones that are empty are not picking up passengers, they claim to be on call. One of the posters on the forum explained that in Singapore, taxi drivers get a small additional fee for callouts, so they cruise around, not picking up street customers, until they get a dispatch. Oh, frustrating.

TallShort get C2 and C3. They too, puzzle over C4. Let's hope they find PizzaGuy too.

Pirates and Lovebirds arrive at the American Club. The Lovey-dovey Alliance is reunited. The clue tells them to go to the beach at Sentosa Island which is the Pitstop for this leg of the race. More taxi adventures.

A kind person calls a taxi for Efficiency, good use of locals there. They get to the American Club and ask the driver to wait for them. Good, good, good, I like it when teams learn on the job.

After commercials who do we see arriving at the airport? It's Goldies and R.Randy, we see it's 9.25pm. Oh my, the flight got in 40 minutes late. That's bad, very bad. Cost-you-the-race bad.

Luckily they have no problems getting taxis to the Esplanade. "We met a Singaporean businessman on the plane, he told us about the Esplanade and that the No Signboard is a famous restaurant inside, so we're hopeful we can pick up some time," Rupert expositions.

They get to the Detour and both teams decide to go for the food delivery. "I wish we had Mr Tan with us, wouldn't it be funny if he lives at this housing estate?" Randy says to Rupert. "I think he's quite anxious to get back to his wife and daughters," Rupert answers.

Riley doesn't do so well at the food stalls, he can't communicate properly with the locals. I don't think it's the English, I think it's the way he's rushing his words cos he's so tense. Buffy takes over and shows the list to the cook. "Communication hasn't been great today between us or with other people. There's definitely a little strain showing in our relationship," Buffy says.

~~~~~

Night shot of Singapore, with modern office buildings, gyrating dancers and families tucking into dinner. At the bottom of Singapore is another small island devoted purely to leisure and fun. This is the island paradise of Sentosa.

There on a beach of pristine white sand (imported I'm told) is Phil, in crisp whites, like he's the manager of the Raffles Hotel. He tells us that this is the Pitstop and the last team to arrive may be eliminated.

Hey! It's Willow & Tara, who have obviously lucked out on a faster taxi driver. Welcome, team number one, you've won a vacation to the Mediterranean. Oh my god, they're so pleased. "We started the day, well, I started the day, bone-tired. But we had a lucky break with flights and did well on the tasks. We're so excited to be in Singapore, looking forward to more," Willow interviews, looking more refreshed. Playing with text messages can do that to you, huh?

We see Xander & Anya running up, even as Lovebirds are on the Bathmat. Yay to the Lovey-dovey Alliance! They're mighty happy to be team number two. "It's a nice feeling, to be back in the top half, to think we were almost eliminated last leg," Xander smiles.

Faith & Robin arrive and check in as team number three. "Just having a delay with cabs can cause you one, even two spots, we have to be stronger from now on," Robin says.

Adam & Oz finish their Detour, find the American club, get to Sentosa. They're team number four, but are a little behind the other three teams.

Now we have a little competition between R.Randy and Goldies, a place in the final five is at stake. They rush to deliver their food, passing each other a few times in the corridors of the apartment blocks. Oh, Randy has also learnt his taxi lesson, as they get their last clue they ask for help to get a cab.

This little trick gives them a slight edge, they get to the American club, then Sentosa, before Goldies. Phew! Rupert & Randy, you're team number five.

Buffy & Riley finally run up to Phil, they look deflated. Phil does a mild eyebrow plop, thinking, why are you giving up, you haven't been philminated yet. And true enough, this is the second of three pre-determined Non-Elim legs and the Goldies are still in the Race.

Somehow, I don't think they're caring that much at that particular moment.


*****

Teaser for Episode 9

Taxigate, again. Riley being rude, again. "No, we don't have room for you."

Anya throws up over the side of a tiny boat rocking to and fro over gray choppy waters.

Randy and Oz appreciate the assets of several bikini-clad beauties.

All that, plus Zorbing!


*****


Useful links & information

Kenya
Does my bath water flow the other way in the Southern Hemisphere?

Bangkok:
Erawan Shrine
Wat Po

Singapore:
Esplanade
Durians
Singapore food

*****

_________________
quiet thoughts

Pepper Magazine: The Worst Kept Little Secret
by Staff Writers

They are clowns, virgins, former CIA operatives, retirees, models, 'little people' and Harvard Law graduates. They come in all shapes and sizes, older couples have a habit of surprising everyone with their resilience. We haven't seen new couplings, though there's been two proposals and a fair share of breakups.

These are the people who are willing to give up weeks of their time to race around the world to win a million dollars.

When The Amazing Race ("TAR") first appeared on our screens during the fall of 2001, it did not attract the type of attention that its sister reality TV shows like Survivor or Big Brother enjoyed. But like Apple Computers, a good vintage of Pinot Noir and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, it soon developed a loyal following who were fiercely protective of their 'little gem'.

The first season, upon repeat viewing, was more raw and at times lacked the slickness of later seasons: the production staff were learning how to be 'amazing'. But the Racers were interesting and the challenges actually, well, challenging.

Then it started winning Emmys. And with that the attention of the casual viewer and, more importantly to the network executives, the media and the advertisers. As a result, quality dropped precipitously in the name of higher ratings: Racers were cast based on looks or controversial 'hooks' (or were rejects from Survivor auditions); tasks became easier; they aired 3 exhausting races virtually back-to-back.

Things looked bleak for the purists. Until this season. Generally considered the best since TAR Classic (as Season 1 is known), twelve teams traveled from the East Coast of the US to England, France, Italy, Switzerland, Kenya, Thailand and are currently in Singapore.

Pepper has been avid followers of the race. TAR has always been gay friendly, from the still-popular Guidos from TAR1 to Chip & Reichen, the winners of TAR4. However this is the first time there's been a female couple, in the form of the winners of Leg #8, 'More than Friends' Willow Rosenberg and Tara Maclay. Amazingly, or perhaps not, in a season that contains a host of young dating or married couples, this is the pairing that has caught the imagination of the viewing public.

"They're so cute, and so obviously in love, it's a privilege to be there, experiencing them getting closer," says Evelyn Cho of Club 71, a popular gay and lesbian club in San Francisco. Cho organizes TAR viewing parties at the club each week and it's packed to the brim every time.

Willow lives in Oakland, has Cho ever seen her at the club? "No, from the articles and interviews I've seen, I don't think she or Tara were out when they started the race. If they decide to visit us sometime, we'll throw them the biggest welcoming party since that time the mayor legalized gay marriages," Cho says enthusiastically.

Certainly the twenty-somethings have become role models for many young gays, desperate to find people in the public eye they can look up to, even if they are not A-, or even B-list celebrities.

"One of the reasons people identify with them is they are real people, well, as real as you can get on TV. They come across as very nice people," Cho adds.

Is the niceness real or manufactured? Are they getting the Kris & Jon Sweetheart Edit? Like any TV program worth its salt, TAR has villains, good guys and comic relief. Unlike other TV programs, the producers have no idea how their carefully chosen cast will behave until the cameras start rolling. To compensate, they give the racers "personality" using some nifty editing -- people who are quite nice in real life are portrayed as evil or annoying or bumbling fools. Just ask Life Partners Joe Baldassare and Bill Bartek ("Team Guido"), who were universally hated during TAR1, but turn out to be the nicest people, like, ever.

"That hurt for about two seconds, then we laughed about it. We knew we would be portrayed as the bad guys because of our 'all or nothing' attitude. But look at us, seven seasons later and there's still only one Team Guido!" Joe said via email.

The Guidos agree that TAR has been good to the gay sector and are excited to see another couple doing well. "The race is based on how quickly you get from point A to point B and how well you handle the tasks and the traveling. Age, race, sex or orientation have little impact."

In that respect, Willow's intelligence and advanced computer skills have given Team Lovebirds (as one online recapper calls them) superior advantage on more than one occasion. It took her mere minutes to complete the computer task in leg #1, and she was the only racer to think of searching the internet for an unfamiliar painting in leg #3. That's not to say her partner is a slacker either, when they suffered the humility of coming last on a non-elimination leg, and with the prospect of having no money for a leg to be held in one of the most expensive countries in the world, Tara used her artistic talent to earn them precious funds by setting up an impromptu portrait stall on the sidewalk.

The revelers at Club 71 don't believe Team Lovebirds are receiving a special edit. "You can't edit in things that are not there, so if they are really that nice, that's all you see," says one teenage patron, decked out in flowery, un-coordinated, hippie girl clothing that is a sort of trademark of the couple.

Not hard to believe, from a group that swoon everytime the couple appear -- that's right, I said swoon, you have to be there at the club to feel the love -- a huge "awwww" accompanies their every single screen moment. Seeing the heartwarming affection and support they show each other, whether partially hidden amongst cherry trees, or hand-feeding a baby leopard, or reverently making a religious offering in a Thai temple, one can't help but join in. It's like the whole club has a crush, know that the objects of their affection are firmly out of reach, but are crushing anyway.

There is no question that they enjoy strong support and an almost awestruck following in the GLBT community, but what of the world at large? One of their reasons for coming on the race is to see if their long distance romance will work out. Willow lives in Oakland, Tara in Birmingham. They met while working together on a BBC web animation series but have not made a firm commitment to stay together, siting reasons such as distance, work and the fear of rejection from their families.

If their families didn't know about the romance before the current season started airing, they will certainly know about it now. Perhaps it wasn't the best way to come out of the closet, but then again, the ploy has worked out, judging by the overwhelmingly positive coverage by the mainstream media.

"Probably the nicest couple on the Amazing Race since Kris & Jon, and showing a more competitive edge than that long distance dating couple," said Entertainment Weekly.

"In this day and age, it seems wrong that this couple should fear discrimination or have doubts cast on their relationship. Come on, Willow and Tara, open your eyes and look at the other teams. Do you think I'm going to cheer for the nasty stunt-casted Riley, the even nastier Snyder or the bland Faith & Robin, when I have you? I may be an old and cynical armchair tube critic, but I'm not blind. Win the race, settle down and have half a dozen kids, that'll make this old heart happy," said Olga Mensch, TV Crictic of the San Diego Daily News.

Competition for the million dollar prize is fierce. Amongst the remaining teams are four athletes, two all-male teams (stronger at physical tasks) and their allies, Xander and Anya Harris of Oxnard, CA, who are probably leading the field in terms of highest placed finishes. It won't be easy. These teams have successfully negotiated Europe and Africa, Asia is always challenging because of the language, crowds and hectic pace. Where will they go next? Who will be the first team to cross the finish line? It's riveting TV, and we at Pepper have no qualms about joining the hundreds of Lovebird fan club fanatics in wishing Team Lovebirds the best of luck.

It's more than just a trip around the world, it's a life changing experience.

Next week, we look at some of the more exotic locations that the Amazing Race has visited. Don't miss the exciting new issue, coming to your inbox soon!


The Amazing Race airs Tuesdays at 9pm ET/PT on CBS.

~~~~~

Author's note:
Pepper Magazine is a fictional (as in, I made the name up) weekly e-zine covering the quirky and the alternative, with a definite rainbow slant. Any similarities to actual or past magazines or publications are unintentional.

_________________
quiet thoughts

That was another great update.

The thing I like about this story is it does seem like I'm I'm reading a recap of an actual program

Well the last time we had a non elimin round I was relieved, but this time it was a disapointment. Oh well maybe the goldies will go out next time.

Though I can;t help notice how the race is bringing Willow and Tara closer together, whilst it seems to be driving Riley and Buffy apart (The problem there seems to be placed firmly between Riley's ears). So after the race will they be able to patch things up, or will it be splitsville for America's golden couple?

The other couples do seem to be being pwned by the lovebird pirates. Maybe they're going to have to form some of their own alliances to help beat them.

The extra was great as well. The lovebirds seem to have built up quite a large fan base (and why not?) I wonder if there are any clubs where everyone swoons when when any of the other racers are shown (well possibly faith, but I doubt if anyone swoons when Riley or Randy are shown.)

_________________
02/28/2007

Heh. Nice.



Tee hee. And aww. Poor Oz. He's getting no lovin'.



Go Assertive!Tara! Mmmm...Assertive!Tara...*goes to a place*

Yay! The Lovebirds are in first place. The Text Detour was cool, even if that one guy did blurt out the answers. I like tasks that allow Willow and Tara, and the other racers, to use their brains.

And the extra was neat. I liked the Buffy the Vampire Slayer mention. Willow and Tara have a following, huh? No surprise there.

Great update, watson.

Yay for de update, man! (<---- Excuse that, I don't know what came over me.)

I swear every update, you get even more hilarious. How do you do it?



I love it! The self-deprecation! HAHA! Umm, would it be bad if I said that I actually didn't understand the joke at all? The only thing I can think of is that with the "hmm?" it kind of reminds me of Yoda. Is that what you were going for?



Yes! I actually did Laugh Out Loud for a few moments when I read this line. Alluding to Buffy in a fake article about a Buffy fanfic? It's genious, darling, simply genious.



Hehe. I simply know that you have been waiting to put this line in here since the first episode. It's just too good. Actually, I dare say you might have come up with the idea of writing this fic because you wanted to put this line in it. Not that I blame you.


Okay, the second thing I am liking is the well deserved Riley-hating that is going on in this fic. He really is the kind of guy that makes you (and by you I mean me) ashamed to be an American.



Now, I realize that this was written in reaction to something that Xander said, but I can't help but think that everything that Riley does makes me feel this way. I share your sentiments exactly!

Great Update!

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"I'm gonna do my best swan dive into shark-infested waters/ I'm gonna pull out my tampon and start splashing around/ 'Cause I don't care if they eat me alive/ I've got better things to do than survive/ I've got a memory of your warm skin in my hands/ And I've got a vision of blue sky and dry land" - Ani Difranco

Ep 7: Ok, first off I’m so glad you agreed and changed that word. Like I said, I wasn’t offended: just didn’t think it fit. I think it read much better the other way (and yes, I did reread it).

I get it about Kenya. Understand I’ve never been much of anywhere and don’t really wish to go. I was telling Rachel how much I love writing Ash Island and that I’m sorry it’s coming to an end and she was suggesting what to write next. I was like gee, if I wrote TAR, they would have to go to like the Bob Marley festival in South Austin or the Domino factory in Waco.

Sorry if I made you doubt your W/T-R/R scene. That wasn’t my intention but I get what you are saying.

Thanks for my challenge fic mentions. I’ll probably cheaply plug it in my thread too.

Ep 8:Debra guessed the equator! And I know next to nothing about science and geography! I’m stoked. Lol that Willow is debunking the water down the drain myth/demonstration.

I’m commenting as I go and this is a stupid question. The correct question is “What is the first arrival time in Bangkok?” Who cares when the flight leaves? I guess in this case, it didn’t hurt or maybe that will still come up.

I always find it interesting and very strange when TAR goes to a sacred site to do some “sacred” thing. I mean here they are, doing some devotion as quickly as possible to move on in a “racearoundtheworld” it would seem sacrilegious if I believed in such a thing. I mean does the God of being next to big hotels think, “Well, forced devotion in the name of competition is better than none” or “Damn those selfish Americans. Stop drilling for oil in Nairobi and we’ll all be better off!”

The coin clinking task: I’m not big on these sort of pound on it long enough and be extremely lucky tasks. I tend to like either do it well or do it smart tasks instead. Otherwise you can lose a very good team because they never do find the right bowl of coins.

Wow, who’da thought Tara would be the one pushing the planes? Willow really does have some KF. Nice work on the texting. Of course.

Love the self-referential… well reference.

Is it my imagination or do the yields always occur on non-elims?


Did I say GREAT JOB! And fast too...

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Menorah Tales | Working It Out | Random Bits

Great episode! Though yes, mega-bunch to start it off, but I can't stay peeved when the Lovebirds win

Actually I was thinking about bunching in general this week, and it occurred to me that it may not be all the Amazing Producers' fault. Once the Race has begun they don't really have any direct control over when each leg starts - the Racers set off 12 hours after they complete the previous leg, no matter what. Unless everything they schedule is available 24 hours, there's bound to be some places where, no matter what, teams will bunch. Not just in the Continent of Charter Flights either - Sydney Airport, for instance, has an overnight curfew, something like midnight to 6am. Multiply that by every airport and airline in the world having varying schedules, and most of the waypoints of the Race being open only during daylight, and add in the random factor of how fast or slow the leading and trailing teams may move from point to point... well, I'm inclined to cut the Amazing Producers a little slack.

Speaking of Amazing Producers, you've certainly earned all that praise the 'staff writers' at Pepper sent your way. This has been a great race so far - but not to the point of being unrealistically ideal, which I think adds to the enjoyability of 'watching' it. It's just like the real TAR, only up there with the best - so, best of both worlds. Yay you

Now on to the episode itself, and seeing as you (wearing your Amazing Recapper hat) wanted it said with you, here it is: Tara is a Star! Poor Willow with the KF - but it's pleasing to see Tara confident enough in their relationship that she can take a stand and snap her girl out of her doldrums when she needs to, and Willow able to accept it without getting huffy. No-one's at their best all the time, under that kind of stress, but the Lovebirds watch each other's backs (and butts), and I think they both know it's better (to take this instance as an example) for Tara to call Willow on her tiredness interfering with her racing, than coddle her and end up both disappointed later.

And didn't Willow just shine when it came to the texting task? I really liked that task - it wasn't just a foot race, it involved specialty knowledge that racers may or may not have (thus rewarding those with diverse life experience over those who can just run fast with a backpack on), but it wasn't so specialised that an amateur (such as myself, who's never sent a text message in my life, and in fact doesn't even own a mobile) wouldn't be able to tackle it.

Between Willow aceing that and Tara getting them on the earlier flight, I think we can safely say that they both contributed equally to that luscious Mediterranean holiday they won. Hmm, Mediterranean holiday... (dreams of Willow and Tara and a luxury yacht and bikinis)

The pitstop was cute too, if embarassing for our girls - of all the people to have quizzing you on your sex life, Anya would have to be the most terrifying Named a star system after you, sure Willow - in the constellation Coitus no doubt

Moving to the constellation Taurus Faeces, Riley sure is full of it. Coldly picking the teams off one by one, huh? Lucky they're all in front of you then The cracks are definitely on show in his and Buffy's relationship (with Riley's head jammed firmly up one of them), whether she can give him a good swift whack in the butt and make him realise that jerks don't inherently run faster or not, remains to be seen. I'm thinking not though, they're in a tricky position, no money (I don't like Riley's chances of helping the begging effort, unless Singapore happens to have a 12-hour version of one of those shows like in Japan where the contestants get tortured, and he can enter during the Pitstop), and despite their poor finish this time, I don't see R.Randy hanging around long to give the Goldies a chance to claw back a spot. And unless I'm going to be very much surprised, the next leg won't be non-elim. If I were the Goldies, I'd be praying for bunching real quick, and doing my best not to lose focus. The bunching could happen - Riley's focus, on the other hand... they're my tip for next leg's Philimination victims.

Great extra too, taking a break from the usual format of a personal scene or a diary entry. I really like the glimpse into the popularity of the Lovebirds to their audience, it's heartwarming. If this were real I would so be at that club's Race nights, every episode. If not for that pesky Pacific Ocean

(Actually I had this crazy idea, and feel free to ignore it, but... what if the final episode of the Kitten Race went out 'live'? Like, post it paragraph by paragraph in a chat room, at a predetermined time so everyone could be there waiting, and all read it together? But that may be impractical for any number of reasons, so never mind that.)

It also reminded me of something interesting - while Willow and Tara may not have been out and entirely sure they wanted to be together when the Race began, by the looks of things they'll be inseparable by the end of it, and sure they want to come out together. And, this is the part I realised, the Race wouldn't be airing the moment they got back, would it? While their progress on the Race would be covered by their confidentiality agreement, seeing as they went in as a couple I don't imagine there's be anything stopping them from coming out as a couple to their friends and family, before it went on TV.

And lastly, feh to the San Diego Daily News's TV critic - Faith is not bland. She's... bouncy. That's plenty to be interested in.

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Chris Cook

Through the Looking-glass - Every world needs a Willow and Tara.

watson, another fun and exhausting update, i really feel for willow's killer fatigue, i get tired for them. these non-elim rounds are sneaky, i was really looking forward to watching riley get his tail handed to him, but i'd still say that's imminent given his behavior. all that energy he's wasting being cranky is bound to cost him time needed elsewhere. i could almost feel a little empathy for riley with the flower selling lady, i flashed back on one begger distracting me while another tried to pick my pocket in rome, but i got over it, zero empathy for riley.
love the image of adam in a baseball cap, probably looked like a beanie missing it's propeller. also got a kick out of the water swirl demo, wonder how many people try it on their own later and think they've done something wrong when it doesn't happen. and bonus pt.'s for working in an uma thruman mention, cause, well, yum.
oh and willow and tara, should prob. mention them, right ? the constellation naming was ultracute, and so easy to picture that whole situation. also enjoyed take charge tara in the airport (although i did flash on cher smacking nicholas cage in moonstruck).
but my favorite thing this time around was the god of wishful thinking splashing around in his bathtub. due to the setting, i picture him much like a smiling buddah, with a tub full of mr.bubble, just waiting for another mortal moron to tempt him.~mary

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you toyed with my heart like it was a toy heart ~ lisa simpson

Great update. I admit I was glad when I thought Riley and Buffy were getting eliminated, but I'm sure you have some wonderful plan to dispose of Riley in a fitting manner. Can you have someone tell him he's gone in some language he won't understand? Urdu, perhaps?

I definitely appreciated the parallels with the "article" and how people feel about BtVS W/T. Your creativity, as well as the research I presume you've done (or the knowledge you already have), are very apparent in this story. It's appreciated, and I look forward to more. Well done.

~Mary

Somehow, I don't think I left FB for this yesterday when I read it all. All I can really think to say is Yay! I feel like I am on the edge of my seat when I read these updates. I really liked the magazine write up as the extra. I wondered what you would do for this one. I am also wondering what all Willow's journal says at this point. . . I also loved the text message challenge. It seems from the few ep's I have seen of the real show that there aren't enough quizzes and brain teasers. I am guessing you think that as well due to your many comments about spoon-feeding.

Before I start replying on this wonderful story I have to thank Debra for recommending it to me.

If it wasn't for her I wouldn't have read the story (yet, maybe later...)

The story is awesome. I don't know TAR but it sounds like a lot of fun (to watch, don't get me wrong *g*)

I'm a little bit overwelmed with impressions right now. This is all very complex.

But I really like the way you set it all up, with the legs and the extras on W/T!

They are just so adorable.

Insanity

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Thelma Bates: Do you have any idea how frustrating it is being a lesbian ghost?

Tonight is the only free night I'm having this week, and I am on a 'feedback roll' so I had to hit TAKR before going to sleep.

Laughed out loud about all the hits you aimed at my fair city (NYC) in this update. Yay, you made Tara and Willow win a trip! Honeymoon scene? Hint, hint. I was indifferent to Riley in the show but now you have made me hate him. It is strange how fitting it is to picture him being the intolerant American.

Finally, feel free to have them lose and move the scenario to quarantine time where they must be all alone, spending all that time with each other with nothing better to do with themselves than be with each other. Truly, I would not mind reading about that.

Thanks for sharing the story. Great work as usual.

Safuega

Well, like I told Debra, I've never seen a reality show and don't even have a TV at the moment, but I love this fic! The TWoP-like style is hilarious! (I followed American Idol out of morbid curiousity this season just by reading TWoP. I don't think I missed much. ) I'm not quite sure who to root for to get eliminated... Sorry, Philiminated next. Riley and Buffy are the easiest to root against just because Capt. Cardboard is such a flailing ass, but then who becomes the "bad guys"? (There's always a bad guy.) I wouldn't mind seeing Rupert and Randy go simply because Randy gives me the heebies. Look at me... I guess it's a good thing I don't watch reality TV. I'd be hooked on a bunch of them and all their crazy forums and everything else! This is a really great ride though and I'm looking forward to more!

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Learning to be unrepentantly me.