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[center]See Chapter One for disclaimers. Saint starcomed thanks for the beta and everything else![/center]
Chapter Ten – Heart Burn
A Scooby meeting was called for a de-briefing, Adam was gone and The Initiative were limping along. It was perfect timing. Tara just had another check up - she and the baby were fine. The second trimester was well underway and the college semester was over. Willow, with Tara’s approval, decided she was going to tell all the Scoobies today. They were on their way to the meeting, walking through the park. That same tall blond guy from before smiled suavely at Tara as he meandered by. He elicited another distracted ‘hello’ from the blonde while provoking another scowl from the redhead.
Hey, eyes… keep them some place else! Willow gave him a dirty look over her shoulder. Lately, she had grown more protective of Tara.
I wonder if that guy’s a demon. Ok, daylight, but still, stupid Hellmouth.
Willow was still reeling from the last Hellmouth battle-royale and the residual primordial slayer spell. She placed her hand flat against her chest. Again, she felt that strange leftover trickle as it radiated down to her naval. The entire event had taken a lot out of her.
Geez, on top of all other stresses, and Tara lending me some of her power to ground me while calling on the first slayer, I’m just plain ol’ tuckered out. Even if Tara wasn’t ‘there-there’, in the room. I mean whew! Thank the goddess she was away and safe. She dragged her foot slightly and stumbled a bit when she took a step.
Tara almost reached out to catch Willow; she still seemed slightly dazed after the Sineya spell.
It’s been days now? I mean, I feel ok. I know Willow said she could feel me there… and my grounding helped. I felt her too, but still, wobbly Willow? “Um, are you sure you’re ok?”
I am so discombobulated and stumbly even. “Hmm? Oh…yeah, dan-dy.” Willow barely heard Tara.
And, what about the magick and demon-fighting spells? Could that be harming the baby? It just can’t be good for Tara or the baby, can it? Should check with Giles….
It was a beautiful day as they strolled over to Giles’ place. Tara was apprehensive; Willow was planning on telling her friends about the baby. She wasn’t even sure what Willow had planned. As if that wasn’t big enough, it was also the first time she would be at an official Scooby Meeting. Her stomach did another flop to compliment the earlier flip. She knew full well it was both her nerves and morning sickness combined. She took a deep breath of fresh air. Despite it all Tara felt oddly excited. Vivacious, in fact.
Willow knew she had to tell her friends. On the other hand, it seemed like Tara had no one she needed to tell. They both decided not to inform anyone at the clinic. Besides, how were they going to explain the true origins of the baby to anyone that didn’t really believe in the existence of a Hellmouth and all it’s mystical properties? It was easier to pretend the name on the father’s health history form was a relation of Willow’s.
Tara was feeling extra flirtatious, happy at the prospect of having everything out in the open. “You know, we could start thinking about a name,” Tara spoke softly. This was something they had yet to discuss.
Willow’s eyes went slightly wide.
A name!? Right… “Oh, well yeah. How do you pick a name… that seems so hard, lots of names out there? Boy? Girl?” This was huge in Willow’s mind. “You could scar a kid for life with the wrong name. I mean, ‘Willow’, do you know what kind of elementary school torture I had to suffer through? I was always kind of skinny, so you know, I got called ‘stick’ or ‘twig-girl’ or ‘sap’.” Willow gave her a sour look.
Tara couldn’t help it; heated hormones took over as she leaned into Willow. “I like your name… Wil-low,” Tara whispered into her friend’s ear, letting the name roll off her tongue, caressing it past her lips. That particular name was like a favorite hard candy that she tucked into one corner of her mouth before twirling over it with her tongue, swallowing its sweetness, and sucking on it between her lips.
Naughty Tara, very bad.
Willow suddenly felt light-headed and thought she might just faint. Tara’s compliment made her a bit giddy. That silky voice reverberated in her ear, running shivers over every inch of her skin. Her circulatory system seemed to halt, then flood and pulse, sending a slight tremor to the furthest reaches of her body. She swallowed hard to alleviate the dryness in her throat. “Um, thanks.”
What - was - that - about? Geez, these sympathy symptoms are strong! I, or we… should definitely talk to Giles… maybe? Or, is this just a regular parent-baby-thing?
Tara reeled back to keep herself from a repeat performance. “She’ll need a name at some point, but we have time…”
“She? But how do you know? Did the doctor…?” Willow was befuddled.
Shaking her head, Tara answered quietly. “Besides intuition? Well, since men determine the sex of the baby by supplying the Y chromosome… and well ‘daddy’ is not a guy….”
“Right, no guy, no ‘Y’! A little girl.”
Right, duh, simple genetics! Willow beamed, extremely pleased. “Tara?”
“Hmm.”
“I hope she looks like you.” Willow smiled winningly.
Tara peeked at Willow sideways. “I hope she looks a little bit like the both of us.”
Willow just grinned wide and wistfully replied, “Yeah.” She affably took Tara by the arm as they walked along.
Things are definitely better! The natural flow between them was growing back, slowly and steadily. Willow enjoyed her time with Tara, now more than ever, that feeling seemed to keep building. She attributed it to the co-parental bonding.
Tara couldn’t help smiling; Willow was being extra attentive and kind. Now they were walking arm in arm almost like old times; simple, appropriate ‘just friends’ designated affection. The redhead was a bundle of nerves and energy, insisting on daily dietary reports and sleep timetables. It was so easy to imagine they were a couple. In fact, it was too easy and Tara had to remind herself that they were just friends. Really close friends. But it was difficult when Willow insisted on carrying her books, making sure she ate well, comforting her through mood swings, or the hundreds of other little things she would do. Tara had to be vigilant though. She couldn’t afford to compromise her friendship in anyway and cause the redhead to run away like she had before. She had the baby to think about and the baby would need Willow.
I need her too.
The girls arrived at Giles’ to find everyone already there.
Giles greeted them first. “Willow, Tara, please come in. We’re just about to start.” He purposefully led Tara to a stool near the counter, close to the tea and snacks he had out. “There you go. You are looking particularly lovely today,” he warmly addressed her.
“You really do look great,” Buffy added, and Riley nodded along.
“Yeah, Tara, whatever you’ve been doing lately… wow!” Xander enthusiastically added.
It was true. Willow had noticed it too, but for some reason she never complimented Tara. She was keenly aware that the pregnant blonde was filling out, her body changing, and she irradiated an unfathomable beauty. In fact, she was gorgeous! Her coloring was rosy and vibrant. It seemed like everyone else noticed as well, but Tara never seemed to register the complimentary stares that she was the focus of. Willow found herself jealously guarding Tara. She thought about park-guy on the way over, checking out Tara. The thought caused her to shoot Xander a threatening stare.
“Wha? You don’t think Tara looks beautiful?” Xander was perplexed at his best friend’s reaction.
“Well, oh course… I mean ‘yes’.” Something confusing caused Willow’s anger to subside. She just couldn’t figure herself out.
Is this just more sympathetic pregnancy issues?
Tara blushed and resisted the urge to hide.
“In fact, if I didn’t know any better….” Anya studied Tara carefully; she didn’t like her boyfriend looking at other girls. Then her eyes shot open and she looked at Willow, then back at Tara. She smirked wickedly, “…I’d say you were glowing.” She knew she had nothing to worry about.
“Anya! You know, I for one don't appreciate your snide remarks.” Giles surprised everyone with his abrupt comment, but he was more concerned for Tara. He knew the girls had planned to announce their news today. He moved to the front of the group to draw their attention away from Tara.
Suddenly the front door opened.
Everyone’s attention automatically shifted to the figure standing in the partial afternoon light of the doorway.
Tara didn’t recognize the person at the door, but registered everyone else’s intense look. She was confused.
Willow was just plain shocked. One minute she could swear she was sitting near Tara, the next she was standing in front of her.
“Hey.”
“Oz,” Willow uttered. It’s all she could manage at the moment.
This can’t be happening… today of all days?
Oz looked around uncomfortably, not knowing what reception to expect.
“Oz.” Tara whispered; her face paled and she dropped her chin a bit. Things had been going too well it seemed; she should’ve known.
Willow looked at Tara, then back at Oz.
Oh my god. “Um, when… when did you get back?”
“Now,” Oz succinctly stated.
Every molecule in the room seemed to freeze.
Man, this is intense. Xander glanced at everyone, and then decided it was best to do something - anything. He resorted to his patented levity and stepped forward, offering his hand with a jocular remark, “Oz, man. Hate to sound grandma, but... you don't call, you don't write….”
“Sorry,” Oz grinned appreciatively, shaking Xander’s hand.
Ok, so I’m cool with Xan. He looked around at the other familiar faces, pausing briefly to stare at the pretty blonde just behind Willow.
“So are you here HERE, or are you just passing through?” Buffy folded her arms across her chest, taking a stand between Willow and Oz.
I failed Willow once, not gonna happen again.
And not so cool with Buffy. Oz knew better than to press his luck with the angry best friend slayer.
“Yes, well… let's just all take a moment….” Giles took off glasses and moved towards Tara, worrying for her. He lay a gentle hand on her shoulder.
Oz hesitated, and then took a small step forward towards Willow. “I’m going over to Devon’s to crash. But, could we could catch up… later… tonight?” He almost reached for his ex’s hands; noticing that they were animated, nervously clenching and unclenching.
“I guess so.” Willow was on autopilot as she replied. It was like she was watching a movie and not really there at all. But she was. She could feel a pair of blue eyes drifting from her to Oz, and back again.
“Cool, I'll stop by your dorm.” Oz felt reassured that Willow and the gang hasn’t outwardly turned him away.
“Okay.” Willow dug her nails into the palm of her other hand. It was a gesture to assure herself that this was really happening. She had imagined his return for so long, was she dreaming?
Oz smiled a bit more when Willow answered. “Great to see you guys again.” He gave them a small nod and took his leave; he had things to do.
Willow was still stupefied and confused. It was just too surreal.
Anya regretfully turned towards Tara. “Now everyone's uncomfortable.” She was no longer a vengeance demon, but could easily spot a woman that was upset and dejected. She could see Tara had had a rough time over her relatively short life. And, she felt especially empathetic towards anyone not quite welcomed into the Scooby rank and file.
Buffy peered at Willow carefully.
Willow looks completely confuzzled and kind of stuck? She reached for Willow, touching her on the arm lightly. She’d neglected her best friend for too long. “You okay?”
“I…” It was all Willow could manage to say. She was still in a daze, barely hearing Tara’s reaction.
“I just, um - I realized, um, I'm-I'm l-late!” Tara panicked; future plans and dreams had suddenly, and dramatically, changed before her very eyes. She pushed off the stool and stood up.
Giles dropped his hand off Tara’s shoulder and tried to catch her eye, but she refused to look at him.
“Tara, wait.” Willow finally turned around, registering Tara’s distress. The still air around her was interrupted by the sound of the stool scraping against the floor.
“No, n-no, it's o-okay. Y-you should s-stay with your f-friends… I-I should g-go.”
I need to go; I have to get out of here. Tara hastily retreated, despite Giles’ soft unspoken support and Willow’s plea.
“Wait...” Willow made a less than miserable attempt to stop Tara from leaving.
Tara’s stutter, nervous, upset… bad…very bad. She reached towards her but wavered, dropping her hand, suddenly not knowing what she wanted to do. What she should do.
Tara? Oz? Me… I? The baby?
An awe of silence overtook the room when the front door shut with Tara’s exit. No one in the room knew what to say, so they all stared at a very distressed Willow.
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Tara moved swiftly, desolation overtaking her with every step. She wanted to bury herself away for being foolish enough to begin to believe her dreams. Her heart ached. She had convinced herself that she was playing it safe, but the pain in her chest told her otherwise. She reached her partially packed room and closed the door, then opened it suddenly, dashing to the bathroom and barely making it to the porcelain bowl. She wretched and heaved, feeling the bitterness burn her on the way up. Sitting on the floor in the stall she waited for the feeling to mercifully subside, gently cupping her belly. She felt the tears welling up in her eyes. She paused, finally satisfied that nausea has passed, then shuffled back to her room. Several scenarios played through her head while she lay on her bed. She was not aware of the time, except that it was rapidly darkening outside.
I can’t just sit here, hiding. Finally she got up and forced herself to go to her late class, hoping that it not only killed the time and distracted her, but also eliminated the pain.
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Willow didn’t know what to do. She hadn’t thought of Oz in months. In fact, not since Tara told her she was pregnant, three months ago…
one month after conception, almost four months.
I should at least talk to Oz. That was her reasoning as she walked out into the night with him. She didn’t know if it’s possible to be split in two, but she was; the perforated line down her heart told her so. She was completely brought out of her thoughts by the realization that they were out in the full moon.
He hasn’t wolfed out?
“The full moon? I mean... you did it! How? Where?” Willow smiled warmly at him. It was a remarkable feat.
“Long story... maybe we could?”
She looked up again, contemplating the significance of the situation. She beamed at him once more and hugged him on the spot. “Oz!” Then Willow pulled back, guilt washed over her and it was echoed in her face. “This is....” she gestured at the sky. “It's wonderful… for you.”
“So, Xander said there was no new guy?”
“No, there’s no new... guy.”
Absolutely no guy, just a baby and a… a… Tara? Willow’s face was neutral at best.
“I know I put you through some tough times…” Oz had received a Xander-sized scolding for being the cause of Willow’s blues since his departure. “I’m a different person now… a better person. I’m not gonna push, but I want to be back... for you… for us?” He felt hopeful.
Willow didn’t know what to say. She could only offer him the slightest smile, but it was overshadowed by something. They walked back to her room and spent the rest of the time talking, until it became morning. Time apart slipped away as they fell into a familiar rhythm. A fond feeling of someone returning to you etched its way into Willow’s consciousness. Did she still want to be with Oz? If she did, could she be with him and still help Tara? Could she and Oz help Tara raise the baby?
In the past three months, all notions were just about Tara, the baby, and herself. Willow had never even thought that there might need to be yet another person to consider in the general scheme of things, especially in the ‘significant other’ scheme of things. It was too confusing. She listened and he hinted at wanting ‘more’ as he reached towards her. Willow's heart wasn't really in it. She felt awkward and rushed. Using a bathroom break and a breakfast hankering as an excuse, she dodged his advances. She felt like she would be cheating on Tara.
Cheating on Tara?
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Classes did nothing for Tara, except to make her time’s slave. She shambled back to her room, stopping only to eat something in the cafeteria for dinner. Her cravings recently centered on large salads with hard-boiled eggs. But, dinner did little for her except give her a burning sensation in the middle of her chest. Arriving back at her little haven she closed herself off from the world.
She knew it was time for her contingency plan - she had always kept one, not quite trusting that things would work in her favor. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Willow, but sometimes things
happened, and generally when they did, she, Tara, didn’t always come out the winner. There would be time later for several breakdowns and lots of crying, but for now she had to move on. She hoped the rest of the night would go quickly, that sleep would come soon without dreams, because in the morning she had many things to do.
She glanced at her binder of pregnancy information sitting on her desk. Grabbing the phone she made a call.
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Willow returned to her room with so much on her mind. She sat on her bed hugging a stuffed animal.
Kids stuff… and now I’m having one of my own.
Buffy was hoping Willow would be home; she wanted to know what was going on. Opening the door to their shared room she found Willow silent, glum, and perplexed. “Hey. You okay?”
Isn’t this what she wanted? If Oz hurts her again…I’m so gonna…. “You and Oz, I mean, you did see him, right?”
“I was with him all night.” Willow looked up at Buffy.
Buffy raised her eyebrows, then grinned mischievously. “All night? As in last night that was a full-moon night, a Wolf moon? Right? Oh, kinky….” Buffy teased.
Willow smiled wearily. “No wolf and dirty mind much? He didn’t change.” She remembered his parting words. “He said he was gonna find a cure… and he did, in Tibet.”
“I can't believe it!” She grinned; happy for Willow, but paused when she realized her exuberance wasn’t returned. “Okay, so I'm all with the woo-hoo here, and you're not.”
“No, there's some ‘woo’ and, and ’hoo’. But, there's ‘uh-oh’, and... ‘Why now?’” Willow slumped down. She had planned to tell the Scoobies everything, and now was as good a time as any. “Buffy… it's complicated; really, really complicated.”
“Why?”
Willow sighed. This wasn’t how she wanted to tell Buffy, but she might as well. But how to start? “It's complicated, super complicated... because of Tara.”
“Um? Does Tara have a crush on Oz?” Buffy was stumped; she cocked her head to the one side.
No, that wouldn’t make any sense. In fact, I don’t think they were even introduced?
Steadying herself, Willow replied. “No crush. Tara’s pregnant.”
“Oh-kay… so Tara’s pregnant. What does that have to do with you… and Oz? I mean, I know you and her are really good friends now, but…?” Buffy shifted her head to the opposite side, still confused. “You mean Oz and Tara..?” She waved her fingers in the air towards each other.
“God no!” Willow blurted out. She paused and closed her eyes. In rapid-fire she blurted out, “she’spregnantand… andI’mthedaddy.”
Buffy stared at her friend opened-mouthed. A lingering silence filled the room…and then she let out a huge laugh. She bent forward laughing hard until tears came to her eyes. But she stopped suddenly and sat quietly, running over the words again and again. Then her eyes widened. “I know I’m not Ms. Academic here, but that’s not possible. They covered that in sex education… and I paid attention in that class!”
So, this is how Tara kind of felt when she told me? “It’s beyond ‘possible’, it’s ‘actual’. It was a spell; I accidentally got her pregnant. Me. Blunder-girl. You know how wacky my spells can be; I checked with Giles. And just so you know, it wasn’t some guy, because Tara’s gay. And she wants to keep the baby.” Willow was on a roll so she kept going. “And I want to help with the baby, since it’s my fault. You know, it’s my responsibility too.” Willow anxiously waited for her friend’s reaction.
Buffy didn’t know what to say; this was huge. She spent the next few minutes processing in silence before standing up and erupting into an awkward onslaught. “Oh. Um... well... that's great. You know, I mean, I think Tara's a, a really great girl and I’m sure she’ll be a great mom Will, and so will you... or are you dad?”
“She will be. Me, I’m not so sure about, in fact, I have some doubts. Ok, a huge, ever-expanding universe of doubts. But... there it is. And, hey! Still a girl here, so ‘mom’. And IT is, or Tara and the baby are… I just can’t turn my back on them. I know, we’re young and this isn’t exactly perfect. This is ‘different’, but there’s SOMETHING there too...” Willow crinkled her brow at her admissions.
Willow had considered the whole scenario unconventional.
But, this isn’t really that odd, not really? Right, ‘cause women all through history and the natural world have raised offspring, or, er, children together. Let’s see, there’s Wemale culture of Western Seram, the Kiriwina Islands near Papua New Guinea… the Minangkabau of West Sumatra. Even some speculation about agricultural Japan being a matriarchy prior to contact with patriarchal China? Or, are these more is matrilineal? Willow continued her internal blathering; her own thoughts were so much easier to deal with.
...Which is different. Well, hello Jewish, halakha tradition. Then of course the whole Amazon mythology thing…Xena-like. Which is uber-cool and finey-mc-fine!* Um, talk much to yourself spaz?!
“Well, there you go Will. I mean, you know, you have to… do what’s right Will, you’ll make a great, um... parent? And, that's what's important, Will.”
“Why do you keep saying my name like that?” Willow furrowed her brow.
She’s completely wigged, just like I was when Tara told me. Did I make her feel like this? I suck.
“Like what, Will?” Buffy moved about the room haphazardly.
Willow sat upright in a defensive posture. “You know ‘Buffy’, this isn’t so odd after all...‘Buffy’. Parthenogenesis is the growth and development of an embryo or seed without fertilization, ‘Buffy’. Happens all natural-like in some plants, invertebrates like aphids, some honey bees, and even some vertebrates - lizards, salamanders, and some fish.
‘Buffy’!”
Buffy turned, unable to look at Willow. The slayer marshaled around the room once more as she heard her name being called out several times with increasing severity.
Willow simply pointed. “Buffy. You. Are. Freaked.”
“No, Will, I…” Buffy stopped pacing, sighed heavily, and sat next to Willow. “No. No, absolutely - no.” Even if they weren’t hanging out as much, Willow was still her best friend. Plus, she would be a complete hypocrite if she rejected Willow now; she knew that.
Hello queen of strange friendships and relationships, vampire-dater and now commando-dater. Witchy best friend; hanging out with older Watcher guy….
Willow answered automatically, “Yea, sure.” She peered down, concentrating on a pulled thread on her comforter. The distraught redhead sighed as she lapsed into another one of her internal ramblings...
and, there are matriarchies in the animal world… herd of elephants, pod of killer whales, clans of spotted hyena, some bison, and of course prides of lions. Correction, lionesses, ha! So much for the Lion…. Willow looked up, catching sight of Buffy’s perplexed face, “…King,” she became agitated once more.
“I'm glad you told me,” Buffy answered truthfully, but this was very complicated. She sat still with her head tilted, trying not to look shocked.
Tara? Willow? Oz? “So, what about Oz? I mean, he should know and…what? Oz King? Huh?” Buffy blinked.
Both girls stopped to stare at each other. Then, they both shook their heads, laughing just a little.
Finally, Willow regained her composure. “Oz, I was going tell him, but then we started hanging out. You know, and... I could just feel everything coming back. Those old Oz feelings.” A ghostly smile graced Willow’s face.
“Yeah. I know.” Buffy thought about Angel and she understood what Willow meant.
“But, I don't want to hurt anyone, Buffy. I have to do the right thing…not just for me.”
And the ‘right thing’ is taking care of Tara and the baby. Right? But what about Oz? What about me? Willow stopped there knowing she had just spewed a whole lot of stuff at Buffy.
Buffy stared blankly at her best friend barely able to filter through everything Willow was talking about. And the slayer wasn’t adept at magick, so she couldn’t imagine what it must have taken to get this result.
Pregnant? It was definitely a Willow-sized mess up though, and very complicated.
Tara’s gay, Willow’s straight, but they are having a baby together and now Oz is back? She widened her eyes in recognition.
No wonder Willow's been a total basket case lately. Oh man, she totally freaked when Tara told her, huh? I bet even worse than me, because who wouldn’t? Willow’s been all stressed about Tara. They had that falling out? Alright and duh! Buffy placed her arm sympathetically over Willow’s shoulders. “I dunno Will, I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer here. It seems like no matter what, somebody's gonna get hurt. You just need to be honest and upfront… with everyone. That’s the important thing, or it's gonna be a lot worse.”
Willow only nodded. She still hadn’t made any kind of absolute decision.
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What a horrible night. Tara awoke sore, queasy, and exhausted. She crawled out of bed. Whatever Willow decided, Tara would live with, but for now, she decided to give the redhead all the space she needed.
In the meantime, Tara needed to be proactive and stick with her contingency plan. It was time to start looking for a job and some kind of housing. The student union bulletin board would be a good place to start. Then she would be off to the clinic to look at other options and for some much needed counseling and comfort. Despite the mild summer day she grabbed a long jacket, feeling chilly and wanting a little extra physical security to wrap around her.
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Oz entered the student union early enough in the morning that it was empty. He was considering college again to be with Willow. Looking at a wall covered with flyers and posters, something else got his attention; his ‘other’ attentions. He wrinkled his nose, confused. He smelled Willow and
something, someone different? He swiveled around abruptly, whispering her name. "Willow?"
Tara had just walked into the student union to find herself alone with Oz. Stunned, she decides on the spot that if this is Willow’s boyfriend, she should at least be cordial. He might end up being part of her life and the baby’s. She just didn’t know at that point.
He was confused; his senses had never failed him before. The wolf inside him knew as he walked towards Tara. “Hey. You were at Giles’ yesterday? Friend of the gang, right? I thought I sm... ah, heard Willow.”
She nervously folded the jacket closed to hide her stomach. “I-I’m Tara... yes, a f-friend.”
“Oz.” He introduced himself, sniffing the air and looking around perplexed.
She tried her best to convey how happy she is for them, for him and Willow. Tara launched into a rambling speech, even as her heart was breaking. But Oz doesn’t seem to hear her. All she can feel is anger rising in him. Her heart quickens.
“Are you wearing something of Willow’s?”
Tara looked over herself; no, she wasn’t wearing anything that belonged to Willow. Nothing the redhead wore would fit her now; she was just starting to show. The only thing she had of Willow’s was…
the baby?!
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*”Which is uber-cool and finey-mc-fine!” Little shout out to Ms. Sally McFine’s UberCon ‘05 & UberSmut!
by DarkWiccan » Wed Jun 14, 2006 6:40 pm 
GET WELL SOON TUES! Your avid readers really missed you so much 
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....holy crap....that was...ahh...im kinda speechless...wow! Great Update!
He has the knack of showing up at the worst
