Changes

[hannahtoo]

AGGHH is it another 'demon' like Tara??

WOO

love the story just read it all in one go. It's awesome

[inspiron]

inspiron- I have to ask: does your handle have any relationship to the processor? I get terribly curious about how people choose their names...

You guessed it. I don't have a creative bone in my body, so when it came to picking a name....I searched around the room and my eyes settled on that word on my laptop. Lame huh?! I almost called myself "Dell"

Firstly, Gotta say I’m loving the Angst Level warning system!

Hmmn, and the plot thickens. Who is this woman searching for Anya? Maybe the succubus Anya was trying to track down. If that’s the case, the next chapter should be a hoot. I wonder if Willow will fall for the latest arrival’s power of seduction. How will Tara react if Willow attacks the new succubus like Buffy attacked Tara. And Xander, surely he has to be affected soon.

I felt really sorry for Willow when Dawn went to Tara for comfort. Is that intentional, or merely due to Tara’s subtle succubus charms?

Loved the gang teasing Willow about cussing/smurfing. It's great they can have light-hearted moments together after almost being attacked by a snake only minutes before. It reinforces how close a "family" they all are.

[SJ]

Great update.

[NeverChosen]

Midweek replies (in no particular order), followed by a preview;


hannahtoo- Thanks for joining us! Hmm. Demon? Demon hunter? One of the old vengeance network contacts? Grumpy hairdresser from Napa? Or yet another problem, walking into the poor, overburdened Scoobies' lives?


inspiron- Thanks for satisfying my curiosity about the name. ^_^ Glad you like the Angst Warning- it is yet another example of how I make my own fun… which I assumed that most folks wouldn't read.

If this is the other succubus, there's really no telling what will happen. We have very little solid information on succubism (that word is my contribution to the English language, I think) beyond what the Watchers' materials have already revealed.

The Smurf thing is a debate that I've had with some of my more 'expressive' friends. I didn't make it up on the spot, I confess, but it seemed to nicely fit a Willow line of thought (and nicely explained why she has such interesting ways of cursing) that I figured I could get away with adapting it. The 'cussing at a tree' idea is also based from a passing comment a friend of mine made some time in high school that stuck with me, waiting for its moment.


Zampsa- I think I was too obvious about the visitor… during chat they guessed that she was the other succubus instantly too, despite my intention of subtlety. Hmm. I suspect that I gave too much detail about her too early. *thinking out loud* If I ever edit, I'll drop all the physical description until we have a little better indication that she's going to be an important character. *nods to self* Of course, everyone could be wrong. I've been known to throw curve balls before…


leonhart- Verbose? Me? I try to make up for my tiny number of feedbacks with doing a really thorough one when I actually do write them.

I think that no one has considered Dawn as the Key at all- it doesn't make any sense, so they just moved on to trying to figure out a different reason as to why she was the target… The 'fear' theme is a natural place to go, given Tara's peripheral place (at this point) in the 'monster hunter' dynamic and her tendency to think the worst of herself. She wasn't around for the years of scream-and-hide that Xander and Willow already went through, and to her eyes anything they say to that effect will be taken as modesty. All she knows is that when a snake shows up, she freezes and Willow acts. When the Gentlemen appeared, she ran to warn one person- the Scoobies rallied to save everyone. It's not a flattering comparison, especially if you take it further; thinking she just isn't strong enough to work through her fears the way the others do. No one but her would see it this way- it's all about the filter of perception… <.<" *just realized how pretentious that sounded*


AmberGoddess- Told'ya I'd get Smurfs in there somehow. ^_^

Well, Xander has not yet been in close proximity to Tara (I doubt anyone would let him)and the Field O' Horniness seems to be on the low side for the time being. Plus, there's been the implication that he has naughty thoughts about Tara and Willow anyway (can we say 'ice cream truck' anyone?), so maybe he's more aware of not doing anything that would get him smacked… but the field is reasserting itself already, so who knows how long the peace will last.


SJ- Thank you, as always, for your continued support.


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Preview Ch 10 Part III
Next time on Changes! Tofu, Darth Vader, a phone tap, and fumigation (sorry, this one's a little short on strange connections). Coming live this Friday or Saturday, 8 or 9-ish PST, providing the chat room is amiable. Posted within a day or two of the live version.


-Never

[NeverChosen]

Ch 10 Pt III
(I probably should have made a chapter break in there somewhere. Oh well.)

Angst Warning- Overall, higher than the number of times my spell checker has averted disaster. This part is relatively mild.


Alarm bells started ringing in Tara's mind. As far as she knew Anya didn't have any out of town friends- at least, none that couldn't teleport to her location without worrying about maps. The Magic Box wasn't so well known as to attract people from other areas, beside which it was plainly after normal business hours. Tara kept her place in the semi-concealment of the doorway, fairly sure that she had not been noticed yet. The woman hardly looked like an enemy, but now that Tara really looked, there was something off about her. Not how she looked- which there could be no complaint about- not how she moved, nor how she sounded. Her aura, the witch realized. It was entirely indistinct- almost impossible to detect, let alone read.

Any other day it would just be odd or chalked up to fatigue, but after realizing that the Beast lady had walked in to the Magic Box, purchased what she needed, and left unnoticed… Tara scanned the room herself. Dawnie was back at the main table, grudgingly working on an essay about the symbolism of the turtle in the Grapes of Wrath- she was far enough back that she should be safe if anything happened. Xander was at ground zero, but he'd been at the monster fighter thing for years- he could handle himself. Willow… she would still be in the back training room. The charm she was making involved burning a few fragrant and not-so-fragrant items, a fact which sent her out of the main shop as Anya was adamant that it not be further contaminated.

"That's me." Anya had emerged from behind a shelf, pricing gun in hand. She looked dazed- likely from having to discount scuffed items that she had decided were still potentially saleable. It only reinforced the reality of the invasion of her sanctuary.

I will not freeze this time. Tara reached inward as she ran through a mental list of possible spells. Isis' Sheltering Hands to shield, Srinoth's Wind to immobilize, or maybe the Hex of Rynoi, if it came to that… She was still a little low from supporting Willow's earlier spell- even if she had time to cast more than once, Tara doubted she'd have the power to do so. She started tracing an amplifying glyph with one hand as she drew what magic she still had into her mental grasp. A physical glyph would have been better, but there wasn't so much as a magic marker within reach.

Her instinct said to cast the protection, but was that the right answer? She wouldn't have time to set it properly, so the spell would have to be fed by her magic alone. Tara estimated it would last only a matter of seconds. The immobilization one had a similar problem, although the supporting work could be done after it was invoked. As long as she snared her opponent, as long as they weren't strong enough to break it immediately… there were still too many assumptions. The Hex? Skipping straight to offense seemed wrong, but it was her best option if the situation went south.

"Cheryl Montaigne gave me your address here, said you wanted to talk to me."

"I thought you were going to call." Anya looked puzzled, but didn't sound upset or frightened. She cocked her head slightly to the side as she gave the stranger a blatant visual appraisal. Tara couldn't see the stranger's expression, but she didn't shrink from the ex-demon's critical gaze. If anything, her posture became more at ease, one hand resting on the wide-belted hip of her jeans.

"I got busy signals last night and this morning… and if I'm reading the right story between the lines of what Cheryl told me, you've got a difficult situation on your hands." The stranger's words were carefully chosen and she glanced over toward where Xander was adding something to his Home Depot list.

"All I told her was that we had a new supplier that we were changing to if we couldn't talk to you directly." Anya replied crossly, defending her discretion before conceding, "and maybe a detail or two to back it up."

"Honey, if you have someone new, and suddenly you need to talk to me- you have a situation," the stranger informed the ex-demon, her voice deadly serious. "Is there somewhere we could speak in private?"

"Oh." Anya blinked at the realization of the reason for the request. She made a generalized dismissing motion at the shop, "They know what's going on."

Tara began to feel an ache building from the magic she had coiled at ready, but she wasn't sure that she could let it go yet. Anya hadn't expected this person… person? From what she was saying, this had to be the succubus they had been trying to reach- so, demon. Not person. Like Tara herself… but how much? The woman was a demon, she was dangerous, and they had no idea what made her show up here. Taking out the competition?

Dawn was watching now, head propped by one hand in the classic pose of teenage boredom. She was more interested in the whole exchange than in her homework, but that was about as rare as Birkenstocks at a hemp advocates rally. The witch wiped away the sweat that had started beading over her lip. 'Knowing what was going on' was a very relative statement and Tara really hoped that Anya didn't intend to go into details in front of the teenager.

The stranger paused, taking this in, then shrugged, "I guess I should have expected. It is a magic shop, after all."

With his notations finished Xander turned, leaning back against the glass counter. He grinned and shrugged, explaining, "It's a thing. So… what was the big rush-rush to get here? It must be, like, a six or seven hour drive."

"Discretion is important to our kind and it's the newly quickened that muck things up for the rest of us." The stranger's face darkened momentarily but the look was quickly replaced by a forceful concern. "Where can I find her?"

Tara was reaching the point where a decision had to be made. The magic had to be grounded or used before she lost her handle on it and released it uncontrolled. There was no clear choice- the demon had made to hostile moves, but was there any reason to believe she would help? It had already voiced its disapproval of what Tara had been causing. Who's to say that it wouldn't try to remove the threat of further exposure?

That would be her alone, though. If the focus wasn't on the others, she couldn't justify preemptive action. Closing her eyes for a moment, the witch reconnected the magic she had borrowed back into the earth and air, releasing her own to fall back into its natural streams. The glyph she had started was dismissed with a single purposely misplaced gesture. There was a kind of hollowness left after the collected power had dissipated, but the relief from allowing the charge to drop was profound.

Was this what the Scoobies were always like? Constantly at the ready, but so accustomed to it that it had become second nature? How else could they respond so quickly to threats, while Tara could not help but hesitate? Or perhaps it wasn't they that were unusual… perhaps it was Tara's reticence that was the outlier. She would fight if she had to, but it wasn't the first response that came to her when a threat appeared. Fear, maybe, but not retaliation. A sour thought occurred to her,

I'm still stuck in 'prey' mentality. They aren't.

"HEY TARA- VISITOR." Xander bellowed. Tara rewrapped her tail out of sight and squared her shoulders. Whatever was going to happen would happen eventually- there was no use in delaying.

She stepped out into view, wishing that she could stride forward with head held high instead of fighting with her tendency to cross her arms protectively over her stomach. All eyes were on her and realizing she had ducked her head down Tara forced herself to meet the eyes of the demon.

The dark eyes softened and the stranger swept forward, smoothly hopping the few stairs to the shop's lower level. Tara recoiled back a pace, but was too startled to retreat further before she was wrapped in the slightly taller stranger's arms.

"Oh hun, it must have been horrible for you." There was nothing in the words but concern and an empathetic sorrow. Tara stumbled backward as she was released, though the stranger steadied her with a trailing hand to her shoulder.

"TARA!" Willow's alarm cut through the air from not far behind her. Tara turned slightly, just in time to see Willow throwing a credit card sized paper packet over the blonde's shoulder to the demon lady holding her.

The stranger caught the item easily with her free left hand with a benign curiosity. When the packet touched her she reacted as if shocked, flinging it violently from her as she grabbed the wrist in pain.

"Aw fu-" The beginning of the word was all she had time for before contorting backwards, her breath rushing out in an agonized gasp. Tara retreated back another few feet, met by Willow's hand on her back and the sensation of the redhead's primed magic reaching to entwine with hers.

"Are you alright?" There was a taste of worry to the connection their magic was creating between the two witches. In her peripheral vision Tara was aware of Willow looking for injuries before sliding her hand from back to shoulder, then down to link their hands without ever losing contact as she stepped protectively forward. Tara shivered at the flare of power she felt drawing into her girlfriend, trying to calm it with her own, but finding that she couldn't do it- not without being in opposition to the energy flow that was bleeding out of Willow across to her. She tightened her grip and brought her other hand up to the slender shoulder nearest her. The redhead was still tensed for action and Tara felt the beginning of a spell being framed. She consciously pulled her own power away from it; an act that drew Willow's attention back to her more than her physical motions had.

"Wait- I'm okay," Tara spoke quickly, trying to diffuse the situation before anything rash occurred. The demon could help her, even seemed inclined to do so, but Willow didn't know that. "She's th-the one Anya was trying to contact."

The demon shifted unsteadily, straightening painfully as she raised her head. There had been a transformation, though not a radical one- twin bony ridges, slightly darker than the surrounding skin, emerging above the bend of each eyebrow and tracing into her hair, disappearing until the tips of short, dark, shiny horns emerged in line with them above her crown. Her ears were pointed as well, only noticeable because she wore her hair back. Her clothing hid anything more, though as she stretched the fingers of her offended hand Tara could see that the shape of her nails had taken on a distinctly claw-like vertical edge. Crimson eyes, the irises somewhat larger than normal, glared at Willow from beneath darkened lids. Tara was surprised to see the demon's expression was closer to consternation than anger.

"Goddess- I thought- I thought she was trying to…" Willow stumbled over her words, though the power she was holding at ready didn't recede.

It dawned on Tara what had happened. Willow hadn't known about the demon. All she had seen was a strange woman embracing her girlfriend, only a day after the incident with Buffy. The packet- it must have been the protection charm that was supposed to protect against the effects of a succubus. Willow had been trying to protect this woman from Tara, and by the same action, protect the blonde witch herself. Tara felt a small surge of pride at her quick thinking girlfriend, followed by disappointment with herself. It hadn't been a knee-jerk attack, like she had been attributing the Scooby response to danger to be. The readiness to cast had been from the suddenness of the demon being revealed, taken in what little context Willow had seen in the snapshot moment she had been present for.

The problem now was trying to patch things over with the succubus that was groaning as she stretched backwards slightly, rubbing her rear. Even as she did the horns retracted, the other features of her inhumanity melting away as if they had never been. Direct contact with the protection charm must have triggered the transformation and now that it lay untouched on the floor, the effect was fading.

Another succubus… who Willow had just, at the very least, offended… and the protection charm was out of reach. Tara reached out her magic and telekinetically shot the little item back to Willow- or tried to. It was like trying to lift soft tofu with chopsticks; the resistance was there, but she just couldn't get a grip on it.

"Will- can you…" Tara glanced to her girlfriend, indicating the charm with a tilt of her head. It quickly lifted and flipped back to the redhead's free hand. The feeling that flowed through their connection shifted, the ever-present warm tingle turning to a stinging pins-and-needles sensation that ran up her arm. Their hands twitched but kept a firm grip.

"Oh, for crying out loud… was that really necessary? I think you broke my ass," the demon before them grumbled, still rubbing her rear but looking no worse than miffed. Her once-again dark brown eyes fell on Willow reproachfully.

Xander and Anya were hovering on the upper steps and Tara's quick shake of her head kept either from coming to help. Dawn, however, chose to take a stand beside the witches, defiance written in both posture and tone.

"You'll break more than that if you don't tell us what's going on."

The stranger arched an eyebrow incredulously before she sighed, straightened and looked between the three young women arrayed before her.

"Let me start over. My name is Jeanette Cenedella," the succubus started, focusing mostly on Tara. "By now you know that you need help. Not many people can understand what's happening to you right now, let alone help you through it."

"Just how are you going to "help"?" Willow's words weren't aggressive, but there was still an underlying challenge.

"By showing her how to prevent inevitable tragedy." Jeanette's eyes flicked to meet Willow's for a moment as she spoke, but returned to Tara. There was an unasked question in them, something that tinged her words with caution. "How many days has it been since your birthday?"

In the single question, Tara knew that she had finally found a reason for hope. If the other succubus could do nothing more than tell her what to expect, it would be a leap ahead of where she was now. If she could help control what was happening, it was worth the risk of an underlying agenda. "Three. Almost."

She squeezed Willow's hand once before releasing it, though her girlfriend hung on for a moment more. The connection of their magic severed, cutting off the physical irritation the contact had been causing. Hopefully Willow hadn't been feeling it too- given that the cause was a protective charm, there really shouldn't be any effect.

"Three days already? Oh, honey…" the woman breathed the words like condolence, "They don't know, do they?"

"Know..?" Tara echoed, unsure what to answer. Willow gave her an inquisitive look, while Dawn looked ready to be offended at being left out of the loop.

"We know about the tail and the horns. We know you can shapeshift. We know about the field thingy." Again it was Willow who answered, but Jeanette kept waiting for Tara to speak.

"What field?" Dawn whispered, brows furrowing in annoyed curiosity.

"Maybe not Dawnie… sorry." Tara tried to give Dawn a placating look, but was met with an expression of resigned irritation. "The others though…"

"Maybe Dawn's virginal ears should go with Xander and make some of Giles' tea for everyone? In the back. Far away." Anya gave Xander a poke in the ribs.

"Ah. Yeah." Xander was met with the youngest Summers' look of withering scorn. If not for his many years of exposure to such things in high school, according to what Willow had told her, he might have folded. Instead he gently but firmly steered Dawn toward the training room. "Sorry Dawnster, but your sister would kill us if you listened in on this one."

"She's my friend too!" The indignant voice was made indistinct by the door closing, but the protest continued unabated behind it.

"Really, couldn't we speak in private?" Jeanette urged, her words aimed only at Tara.

"For all we know, you're going to drag her off to some indoctrination camp the moment we let her out of our sight." Willow crossed her arms in a near exact copy of Dawn's pose from a moment before.

"If I drag her anywhere, I'll do it tomorrow," the succubus snapped, "I want to help, but I'm tired. My butt hurts. The last thing I want to do is get someone in a white robe and purple sneakers. That you're all so protective is wonderful, but just how am I supposed to satisfy your suspicion?"

"I'm sorry- there's b-been some bad stuff happen recently," Tara spoke up quickly, "everyone is really on edge…"

She herself had been guilty of that. She'd sat around in the doorway debating hexing this lady before even finding out why she had appeared. For the others to make the same mistake was only reasonable.

"How's this- you wanted a phone call. I'll give you my cell number. I'm going to get a room at a motel or something in the mean time. Is that fair?" Jeanette regarded each of them in turn.

Tara could see Willow trying to figure out any loophole in the offer before deferring to her with a look. The blonde nodded, trying to convey her gratitude with her eyes as an offering to balance the suspicion radiating from her girlfriend.

Jeanette pulled out a card case from her purse and selected a card. She passed it over, "I'm usually up a little after 5 in the morning, but if you need anything, hun, you call, alright?"

Her eyes lingered on Tara's a moment more, and with a quick, somber smile she turned to leave. She paused at the door,

"I didn't even ask your name yet…"

"Tara. Tara Maclay," the witch replied automatically.

"I'll be waiting to hear from you Tara Maclay." With a ring of the bells over the door the succubus disappeared into the night.

Tara turned the card in her hand. Cenedalla and Reese Realty. It had a slew of different numbers on it; two for an office, one for fax, and finally her cell. A cartoon of a cozy little house with a sun rising over it adorned the corner, while the back had lines for an address and appointment.

"Well, you messed that up pretty thoroughly." Anya shot Willow a disapproving glare. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to find one of them?"

"Why did she show up here? You have to admit that it's suspicious that she didn't just call. And the whole "only I can help you" schpiel? Isn't that a Darth Vader line- not a big point in it's favor!" Willow grumbled back defensively. "Plus, am I the only one remembering the whole "she's a demon" part? Just because she pretends to be human doesn't mean she is, and on the subject of that particular deception? Not a big check on the trustworthy side."

Yes, Baby, I know. She's a demon… just like me. Tara knew it was just a slip, that Willow hadn't meant to include her in the judgment, but it still hurt. Demons were basically evil- anything else was an exception, rather than the rule. She wanted to believe that Jeanette wasn't inherently evil, but the desire was tainted by her hopes for her own fate.

"What do you think, Tara?" Willow reached out to touch her shoulder but pulled back when Tara winced from the static-like shock that the contact brought. The redhead looked at the charm still in her hand, plainly debating putting it down. Tara took the hands in her own, not drawing away at the unpleasant buzz that ran up her arms as she gently closed Willow's fingers over the little packet.

"I think that she's the best chance I have right now," Tara let her hands slide away but still looked at Willow's hands around the charm.

"So you'll call her tomorrow?" The redhead sounded more resigned than supportive. Tara nodded. Her girlfriend sighed, muttering, "I still think it's weird that she dropped everything and ran down here."

"What could she want from me, though?" Tara's brow furrowed. "She doesn't know anything about me e-except that we're the same species." She noticed that Willow cringed with the last word, but bit back her reflex to soften what she'd said. Sooner or later Willow was going to have to give in to the reality. She had been treating Tara's change as a disease, in tenacious denial of the facts.

"Ask her then... if she's on the up-and-up, she'll give you a plausible answer. She wasn't going to say anything in front of us, but I guess that's not totally unreasonable." While not happy about the idea, Tara could feel the redhead's suspicions softening as she thought it through.

"It was pretty vague," Tara conceded.

"Like zero-practical-information kind of vague," Willow pouted.

"Well, what do you expect? You're human." Anya dismissed with a wave of her hand. She headed back toward her discounting project. "She's got as much reason to be wary of you as you have of her."

Tara considered that. It was a valid point. Jeanette had already indicated that exposure was a problem for succubi, which was one of the things she needed to ask about. It seemed to her that being able to shapeshift pretty much nullified the threat, but there must be some reason or it wouldn't have even been said. There was so much to ask…

"Until Buffy gets back we could try to come up with questions?" Tara was sure that they were all going to crash as soon as they knew it was safe to do so. No one had slept properly, including the teen in the back room. Speaking of which…

"Water's hot- tea's ready and… not really needed for anything now." Xander announced, poking his head through the door. He looked disappointed when he didn't spot Jeanette. "Y'know, whatever you burned in here Will… I think we'll never have to fumigate."

"Sorry." Willow said more out of habit than contrition, not even looking at him. "So what do you want to concentrate on first? I mean, in case she decides to just disappear, the most important stuff is what you should start with. Or maybe something we already know? Just to see if she's being honest?"

"I don't think we know anything solidly enough to test her." Including her girlfriend in the process of preparing for the phone call should help get her more comfortable with Tara's willingness to contact the other succubus. She was sure that Willow would soon be asking to be present, or listen, or do a phone tap, but there was one thing that Jeanette had right; she wasn't sure that she wanted to share everything she found out. It promised to be very, very personal- there were very few things Tara would keep from Willow, but rephrasing what she learned could make the difference between an emotional and a rational response. She sent Xander a conciliatory glance, "I could still use a cup."

"Comin' up." Xander disappeared.

"Okay… what's the most pressing issue?" Willow plopped herself down at the table and pulled out her notepad. Tara couldn't help but grin as the bag of pens appeared beside it. "Aura thing? How often, how far-"

"How to get rid of it." Tara added, sitting 90 degrees away, watching Willow's intent concentration on laying out a logical sequence of inquiry. Abstracts were going in purple, expectations in red, prevention in blue, and there were a few that she couldn't quite make out the rationale for categorizing together. By the time she had her cup of tea- which she noted was a black tea and decided to just hold for warmth instead of ruining her chances of sleeping- the list was already prodigious. To suggest prioritization this soon, though, would only annoy Willow. Better to let her go a while and then scale back.

"Others you could talk to- again, in case she bails." Willow spun a blue pen around her thumb, before electing a green one to write the item.

"Will." Tara was too tired to keep the exasperation out of her voice, but she spoke with more reproach than annoyance.

"Just sayin'…"


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Posted in chat 2/5/2010 at 9:30pm PST.
Ch 11 starts next week. Preview pending.

[leonhart17]

aww good that the other one didn't get scared off by Willow... I'm curious to see how the phone call/potential visit goes!

Great update!

[inspiron]

I like that Willow is action girl. She sees a potential problem and instantly tries to rectify it. She was very fast to respond to the "stranger" hugging Tara and I like her willingness to find as many answers as possible (using an array of different coloured pens)

I like that you balanced Willow's assuredness with Tara's uncertainty. She wants to be ready in case something happens but doesn't want to miss out on any opportunities this new visitor may bring. I liked the line "I'm still stuck in 'prey' mentality. They aren't." Pretty much sums it up actually - The scoobies are "predators" in some ways, always ready to attack.

This was a good solid chapter - I'm very much looking forward to some of their questions being answered in the next.

PS - I loved the interactions with Dawn and how the Scoobies are trying to protect her from knowing too much. However, I'd really like to see a little confrontation between her and the gang ...it must suck to always be left in the dark like that.

[NeverChosen]

Ch 10, Pt III Replies, followed by a bit of fun.


leanhart- The call is coming up shortly.


inspiron- Everything is about context, I think. Willow isn't necessarily sure about what's happening or what the right course of action is, but for her this is all about trying to keep her girl safe and sane. To serve and protect, as it were. She'd rather be running in circles, feeling that she's doing something, than standing still from indecision. Tara has a much more ambivalent ground; she wants to go back to the way things were, but knows she can't. She knows her life is going to change, but doesn't know how.

The way I'm looking at their reactions is similar to how people (and their families) react to the diagnosis of significant disease. Let's say, oh, type II diabetes. Some people will go into a frenzy of information gathering, looking for any possible cure, no matter what they have to go through, no matter what they must pay, for the chance of recovery (sedentary to marathons in a matter of months, radical diet changes, drug trials, lizard spit, whatever the latest and greatest is). Some people just want to know how to best live with what they have, forgoing hope of cure for quality in the time they have (takes meds, watches diet). Some people want to close their eyes and forget that their disease even exists (life as usual, until their heart/eyes/kidneys fail). There's a full spectrum between these of course- I'm simplifying. Each of the approaches is a valid one… although the last one can be frustrating for the family. While Tara isn't dealing with a disease, it helps me keep straight the rectitude of both her and Willow's viewpoints.

The predator/prey thing isn't the way the Scoobies would look at it- Tara just doesn't think much of her place in the group dynamic. She sees what the Scoobies do as a moral imperative- one that she can't see herself fulfilling, which in turns feeds her feelings of inadequacy.

You think you'll get answers? Not more questions? *evil grin*

---------And now for something completely different-------
In case anyone ever wanted to know what this looks like in chat, with a resident Snark-osaurus helping me (it's even crazier with two or three, but I'm not always so lucky), here are some excerpts:


NeverChosen: From the sound of it she had decided to apply her claws to his shoes and he was looking forward to returning the wayward feline.
Morrigan: ("Hey, I've got your pu....cat)
NeverChosen: Miss Kitty's return had further cheered up Willow, who believed in the healing power of warm, furry cat belly.
NeverChosen: The kitten had the innate ability of all cats to know when someone was suffering and had taken up residence in Willow's lap immediately, skipping the usual half hour of teasing avoidance.
Morrigan: (awww)
NeverChosen: Her purr was so large for a body so small, and in the near-silence Tara had almost felt it working away at her tension. Miss Kitty might not be a familiar, but there was no question that she had her own particular magic.
Morrigan: (but, pu...cats attracted to Will? NOT news)
NeverChosen: Sleeping arrangements had required more than a little discussion. Tara would not accept Willow's protests that Buffy wouldn't notice being on the floor since she was already out cold, nor would she listen to Willow's reasoning for taking the floor.
NeverChosen: Willow had tried to convince her that she was feeling better and there was no way she could put Tara out of her own bed, but she was still avoiding light and had yet to try to stand back up.
NeverChosen: At least the bleeding had stopped.
NeverChosen: Once Willow had realized that taking the floor would put Tara and Buffy together, the discussion had ended. Three pillows from the Commons later, Tara had a reasonable little nest for herself.
NeverChosen: They retired early, Buffy pushed to the far side of the bed while Willow lay on her side, hand draped over the side to lace her fingers with Tara's as they drifted off.
Morrigan: (where is the tail?)
NeverChosen: Tara hadn't expected sleep to find her, but the swirling vortex of her thoughts had drawn her under before she could form them into coherent anxieties.
NeverChosen: In the morning Tara woke to odd sensation of Miss Kitty attacking her tail, stalking it, and pouncing at it with great enthusiasm. She indulged the play for a few minutes before sneaking the tail back under her cozy blanket.
NeverChosen: Her dreams eluded her, but she had a sense of lingering worry.
Morrigan: (uh huh...the pu...cat after Tara's tail...also NOT news)
NeverChosen: Better to work it out when I'm asleep, I guess. She tried to convince herself to sleep a little longer, but the pain of sleeping on the floor, couch cushions or no, finally prodded her fully awake.
NeverChosen: <<>>
Morrigan: (this , also, is NOT news)
Mandy: mmhmm
NeverChosen: She turned over and gave Miss Kitty her best pleading look,



Or, like this:

NeverChosen: "Foo." The pout was hollow. She slurped loudly from the bottom of her cup, looking at it with the annoyance of someone who was sure they were going to get at least one more good sip.
NeverChosen: "Um, not to alarm you, but don't you have O-Chem lab at nine?"
NeverChosen: "Yes, and despite my oncoming anxiety attack, it will go on without me." Willow twitched as she said it.
Morrigan: (she's got all the O'chem she can handle, right here..)
NeverChosen: <>
Morrigan: (snarking is not an exact science...*grin*)
NeverChosen: <>
NeverChosen: Even in the face of apocalypse, missing class seemed to cause her physical pain. High strung as she was, it wouldn't surprise Tara if the tension from ditching really was painful.
NeverChosen: . She laid a hand on Willow's back, finding the tight little knot between her shoulder blades.
NeverChosen: "Will, you don't have to st-"
Morrigan: (lower Tara....much more tension...also in a knot...)
NeverChosen: "Are you going to eat the other bagel?" Willow pointedly interrupted her, turning on her side and indication the bag on the table. The cheerfulness was a little forced, but kept her unwillingness to discuss the matter from being confrontational.
NeverChosen: "That's in case Buffy wakes up any time soon- I didn't want us to be eating in front of her and not have something to offer." Tara chided quietly.
Morrigan: (snerk) depends on what youa re eating, Tare...)
Morrigan: (might not want to share...)
NeverChosen: "Plus, Meltdown Munchies notoriously bad at estimating what will actually fit in Willow-belly. You don't want a repeat of the Jell-O incident."


Or… from Ch 10, pt I

NeverChosen: Willow had come to the conclusion that Anya identified with Tara's situation, if only in reverse. She didn't know just how Anya had managed right after being reverted to humanity.
NeverChosen: Somehow she doubted that there was a Vengeance Demon retirement plan. They did have a pretty business-like organization, though… maybe they did?
Morrigan: (AARD?)
NeverChosen: ?
Morrigan: (American Association of Retired Demons?)
Elrad: (AARD??)
Elrad: lol
NeverChosen: *snerk- chokes on her drink*
Mandy: lol instead of AARP..
Morrigan: (exactly Mandy)
NeverChosen: Or a severance bonus, to get Anya started? Willow mused about it for a moment before returning to the task at hand.


NeverChosen: "So… what do we tell Buffy?" Xander ventured.
Morrigan: (to stay away from Tara?)
NeverChosen: "We don't. She… there's only so much one person can take, Xander." Willow looked down at the protection charm she'd been hoping to put together. It would have to wait. The priorities had just shifted.
Elrad: ah, Glory has to interfere^^
NeverChosen: A charm that kept them from being influenced by the Eminence of Enticement wouldn't be necessary for another day or two. If Big Bad Blondie was summoning another demon, there was potential world-ending to be averted.
Morrigan: (lol)
NeverChosen: "Agreed." The look Giles gave Willow was guarded, but also grateful. "After what's been done to her- what's happened to Joyce…"
Morrigan: (maybe, instead of Slayer Snacks....God Goodies?)
NeverChosen: So... you want to see Tara frenching Glory? Cuz I'm not sure biting would draw blood on her.
Morrigan: (damn..wasnt thinking that clearly *wince*)


NeverChosen: "Did you tell her?" Tara hadn't been in favor of keeping Buffy in the dark, but hadn't felt that she could voice the opinion. Who was she to add more problems to Buffy's growing list?
Morrigan: (Where is the tail?)
NeverChosen: It just seemed dangerous to keep a demon secret… how hypocritical was she for thinking that? After keeping her own secret for so long? So she had kept her thoughts to herself.
Morrigan: (hiding under the skirt?)
NeverChosen: "Yeah- the whole united front of deception broke down pretty quick; beans were spilled, kitties are no longer in their bags…" Willow swallowed, looking away, "Tara… she… her mom…"
Morrigan: (wrapped round one leg?)
NeverChosen: Those words. That tone. Tara felt herself freeze inside. It wasn't just headaches.
Morrigan: ("tucked"?)
Elrad: (so not going to offer that possibiltiy)
scottish_ash: (yeah me either)
Morrigan: ((lol)
NeverChosen: She had the urge to let her tail lash behind her, but it was far too public in the middle of the shop.
Morrigan: (oo lash that tail..)


NeverChosen: she's going to have to kill me if I can't get control of this thing I've become and he hates me for putting her in that position.
Morrigan: (but but but...she's TARA...)
scottish_ash: (yeah no killing Tara, fix it)
NeverChosen: Drat- now I have to rewrite it, Ash!
Elrad: yeah, really no killing Tara *brandishes shovel*
NeverChosen: "She… she wanted us to find a spell to help her mom, but..." Willow's hand found Tara's.
NeverChosen: Of course. It's the only thing I could do that might pay for what I did to her. But I can't. We can't. Tara read in her love's haunted eyes that the answer had already been given.
NeverChosen: There were spells that healed. Most were small, subtle things to ward off infection or slow bleeding. Knitting a bone, even, was possible if you had enough power.
Morrigan: (image of knitting needles and bones...)
NeverChosen: She didn't have it. Willow might, but even then it would be a stretch.
NeverChosen: And cancer. It was already part of the body. A part that had gone awry, but the cells were the same. To try to separate them, to change them- any error and it could go horribly wrong.
Morrigan: (knit one, perl two...)
NeverChosen: Willow must have thought about it already- she'd have wanted to find a way, but there were things that even she knew not to try.
NeverChosen: "Oh, love. She had to ask."
NeverChosen: "I know… and I think she knew what I'd tell her."
NeverChosen: It still hurt you though, when she asked for something you couldn't give her. Tara was ashamed to realize that she was relieved that she hadn't been here for Buffy's request.
Morrigan: (I would do anything for love...but i wont do that....)
NeverChosen: When she had asked the same questions and knew just how hard the answer had hit her.
NeverChosen: Giving in to her own inability to change her mother's illness had been an agonizing process. Letting go of the fight to treasure the time that remained- it was a simple concept until it was your mother.
Morrigan: (*shaking meatloaf out of head*)
scottish_ash: (thanks Beck, now that song is stuck in my head, )
NeverChosen: It's cancer- the doctors are doing surgery. They wouldn't do that if there were no chance of she'd get better. And there was chemo, radiation- new things I probably haven't even heard of.
NeverChosen: I'm acting like she's dying and we don't know that yet- this isn't Mama.
NeverChosen: "Y'know- if she followed this cobra thingy instead of killing it, we could find out what the Key is." Xander suggested.
NeverChosen: "Less hassle." Anya nodded. "And it's easier to protect something when you know what you're protecting, isn't it?"
scottish_ash: (*grumbles* stupid song)
NeverChosen: "It's too dangerous. If it were to return to its master with the information we could have doomed ourselves by that negligence."
Morrigan: (somehow i read "doomed ourself by that negligee"...)
Elrad: lol
NeverChosen: Giles sipped what Tara presumed was tea from a Support Your Local Library mug, pulling a book out of his pile and shuffling a few pages. "However important it is to find the Key, it is far more important that our enemies not find it."
NeverChosen: "I'm all for the world not ending- it would make my promotion kind of meaningless- but when your heavy hitter is getting slammed, it seems like subterfuge is the better way to go."
NeverChosen: Xander had both hands up in the universal gesture of surrender.
NeverChosen: "Buffy made the decision and she wasn't soliciting opinions. We can only hope that she has recovered sufficiently from her encounter with Tara to prevail." Giles' words were clipped.
Morrigan: (Wilow will clip more than his words if he doesnt lay off Tara)
scottish_ash: (go willow go!!)
NeverChosen: "That's not fair and you know it," Willow shot back.
NeverChosen: "Yet the fact remains that what Tara did was unconscionable." Giles snapped the book he held shut and set it on the table rather harder than necessary.
NeverChosen: His eyes were devoid of their usual warmth, vitriol drilling into Tara with his increasingly pointed accusation,
Morrigan: (No drilling into Tara for anyone but Willow!!)
NeverChosen: "You saw what was happening yet you chose to stay- and when Buffy came your way you used her as-as some kind of feeding vessel-"
NeverChosen: "Now hold on." Willow's grip tightened on Tara's hand and her voice went from zero to harsh in the space of those three words.
Morrigan: (Willow about to get large with the butch!)


Or the night of Ch 10, Pt III was pretty lively, so here's a big ol' piece:


NeverChosen: "Honey, if you have someone new, and suddenly you need to talk to me- you have a situation," the stranger informed her, her voice deadly serious. "Is there somewhere we could speak in private?"
Morrigan: (speak?)
NeverChosen: "Oh." Anya blinked at the realization of the reason for the request. She made a generalized dismissing motion at the shop, "They know what's going on."
Zephyrine: (et enore... ayoye!)
Zephyrine: (encore*)
NeverChosen: Tara began to feel an ache building from the magic she had coiled at ready, but she wasn't sure that she could let it go yet. Anya hadn't expected this person… person?
Morrigan: (need to cast a spell, tare? hmm?)
Elrad: (yeah, she's aching for it)
NeverChosen: From what she was saying, this had to be the succubus they had been trying to reach- so, demon. Not person.
NeverChosen: Like Tara herself… but how much? The woman was a demon, she was dangerous, and they had no idea what made her show up here.
NeverChosen: Taking out the competition?
Zephyrine: (the world is probably big enough for lots of succubi....)
NeverChosen: Dawn was watching now, head propped by one hand in the classic pose of teenage boredom. She was more interested in the whole exchange than in her homework, but that was about as rare as Birkenstocks at a hemp advocates rally.
Morrigan: (lol NC)
NeverChosen: The witch wiped away the sweat that had started beading over her lip.
Elrad: (she needs release)
Morrigan: (indeed she does, Chris)
NeverChosen: 'Knowing what was going on' was a very relative statement and Tara really hoped that Anya didn't intend to go into details in front of the teenager.
Morrigan: (i wonder if the Sphere of Seduction affects other succubi?)
NeverChosen: The stranger paused, taking this in, then shrugged, "I guess I should have expected. It is a magic shop, after all."
NeverChosen: With his notations finished Xander turned, leaning back against the glass counter. He grinned and shrugged, explaining, "It's a thing.
NeverChosen: So… what was the big rush-rush to get here? It must be, like, a six or seven hour drive."
NeverChosen: "Discretion is important to our kind and it's the newly quickened that muck things up for the rest of us." The stranger's face darkened momentarily but the look was quickly replaced by a forceful concern. "Where can I find her?"
Morrigan: (guess not, if she can't feel Tare)
NeverChosen: Tara was reaching the point where a decision had to be made. The magic had to be grounded or used before she lost her handle on it and released it uncontrolled.
Zephyrine: (oh ...that.. in my brain went somewhere else...)
NeverChosen: There was no clear choice- the demon had made to hostile moves, but was there any reason to believe she would help?
NeverChosen: It had already voiced its disapproval of what Tara had been causing. Who's to say that it wouldn't try to remove the threat of further exposure?
Morrigan: (her tail could help her hang on?)
Elrad: (no, I think her tail could be very useful to release all that magic)
NeverChosen: That would be her alone, though. If the focus wasn't on the others, she couldn't justify preemptive action.
NeverChosen: Closing her eyes for a moment, the witch reconnected the magic she had borrowed back into the earth and air, releasing her own to fall back into its natural streams.
NeverChosen: The glyph she had started was dismissed with a single purposely misplaced gesture. There was a kind of hollowness left after the collected power had dissipated, but the relief from allowing the charge to drop was profound.
Morrigan: (uh huh)
NeverChosen: Was this what the Scoobies were always like? Constantly at the ready, but so accustomed to it that it had become second nature?
NeverChosen: How else could they respond so quickly to threats, while Tara could not help but hesitate? Or perhaps it wasn't they that were unusual… perhaps it was Tara's reticence that was the outlier.
NeverChosen: She would fight if she had to, but it wasn't the first response that came to her when a threat appeared. Fear, maybe, but not retaliation.
NeverChosen: A sour thought occurred to her,
NeverChosen: I'm still stuck in 'prey' mentality. They aren't.
Elrad: (oh, but what a lovely prey she is)
Morrigan: (better than a predator one...)
Morrigan: (for now, anyway)
NeverChosen: hums: she's a maneater...
Morrigan: (lol)
Morrigan: (or a woman-eater, as the case may be..*grin*)
Zephyrine: (Old school maneater? or nelly furtado maneater?)
NeverChosen: Nelly!
Morrigan: (laughing)
NeverChosen: "TARA- VISITOR." Xander yelled for her. Tara rewrapped her tail out of sight and squared her shoulders. Whatever was going to happen would happen eventually- there was no use in delaying.
NeverChosen: She stepped out into view, wishing that she could stride forward with head held high instead of fighting with her tendency to cross her arms protectively over her stomach.
NeverChosen: All eyes were on her and realizing she had ducked her head down Tara forced herself to meet the eyes of the demon.
NeverChosen: The dark eyes softened and the stranger swept forward, smoothly hopping the few stairs to the shop's lower level.
NeverChosen: Tara recoiled back a pace, but was too startled to retreat further before she was wrapped in the slightly taller stranger's arms.
NeverChosen: "Oh hun, it must have been horrible for you." There was nothing in the words but concern and an empathetic sorrow. Tara stumbled backward as she was released, though the stranger steadied her with a trailing hand to her shoulder.
Morrigan: (unanticipated hugs...interesting)
Zephyrine: (ehhh? okay...)
Elrad: (oooh, hot succubus on succubus action *drools*)
Morrigan: (okk, Xander-Chris...*grin*)
Elrad: (though you'd probably get killed from just watching)
NeverChosen: "TARA!" Willow's alarm cut through the air from not far behind her.
NeverChosen: Tara turned slightly, just in time to see Willow throwing a credit card sized paper packet over the blonde's shoulder to the demon lady holding her.
Morrigan: (Will just tossed the protection charm to another succubus..*chuckle*)
NeverChosen: The stranger caught the item easily with her free left hand with a benign curiosity.
Morrigan: (wonder where HER tail is?)
Elrad: (tucked in for traveling, Beck^^)
Elrad: (that was probably not the best idea there, succubussy)^^
NeverChosen: When the packet touched her she reacted as if shocked, flinging it violently from her as she grabbed the wrist in pain.
NeverChosen: "Aw fu-" The beginning of the word was all she had time for before contorting backwards, her breath rushing out in an agonized gasp.
NeverChosen: Tara retreated back another few feet, met by Willow's hand on her back and the sensation of the redhead's primed magic reaching to entwine with hers.
Morrigan: (Of course Willow is primed...Tara is near )
NeverChosen: "Are you alright?" There was a taste of worry to the connection their magic was creating between the two witches.
NeverChosen: . In her peripheral vision Tara was aware of Willow looking for injuries before sliding her hand from back to shoulder, then down to link their hands without ever losing contact as she stepped protectively forward.
Morrigan: (and willow gets large with the butch)
Elrad: (good girl, Willow *pats head*)
NeverChosen: Tara shivered at the flare of power she felt drawing into her girlfriend, trying to calm it with her own, but finding that she couldn't do it-
NeverChosen: - not without being in opposition to the energy flow that was bleeding out of Willow across to her. She tightened her grip and brought her other hand up to the slender shoulder nearest her.
NeverChosen: The redhead was still tensed for action and Tara felt the beginning of a spell being framed. She consciously pulled her own power away from it; an act that drew Willow's attention back to her more than her physical motions had.
Morrigan: (aww Willow...DEnied..)
NeverChosen: "Wait- I'm okay," Tara spoke quickly, trying to diffuse the situation before anything rash occurred.
NeverChosen: The demon could help her, even seemed inclined to do so, but Willow didn't know that. "She's th-the one Anya was trying to contact."
NeverChosen: The demon shifted unsteadily, straightening painfully as she raised her head.
NeverChosen: There had been a transformation, though not a radical one- twin bony ridges, slightly darker than the surrounding skin, emerging above the bend of each eyebrow and tracing into her hair,
NeverChosen: disappearing until the tips of short, dark, shiny horns emerged in line with them above her crown. Her ears were pointed as well, only noticeable because she wore her hair back.
Morrigan: (oo..got her game face on)
NeverChosen: Her clothing hid anything more, though as she stretched the fingers of her offended hand Tara could see that the shape of her nails had taken on a distinctly claw-like vertical edge.
NeverChosen: Crimson eyes, the irises somewhat larger than normal, glared at Willow from beneath darkened lids.
Zephyrine: (uh oh!)
NeverChosen: Tara was surprised to see the demon's expression was closer to consternation than anger.
NeverChosen: "Goddess- I thought- I thought she was trying to…" Willow stumbled over her words, though the power she was holding at ready didn't recede.
NeverChosen: It dawned on Tara what had happened. Willow hadn't known about the demon. All she had seen was a strange woman embracing her girlfriend, only a day after the incident with Buffy.
NeverChosen: The packet- it must have been the protection charm that was supposed to protect against the effects of a succubus. Willow had been trying to protect this woman from Tara, and by the same action, protect the blonde witch herself.
Morrigan: (she thought the bawn of nawdines was in effect)
Morrigan: (bawdinesss)
NeverChosen: Tara felt a small surge of pride at her quick thinking girlfriend, followed by disappointment with herself. It hadn't been a knee-jerk attack, like she had been attributing the Scooby response to danger to be.
NeverChosen: . The readiness to cast had been from the suddenness of the demon being revealed, taken in what little context Willow had been presented in the snapshot moment she had witnessed.
Morrigan: (Tara, honey, being hair-triggered isn't always a good thing)
NeverChosen: The problem now was trying to patch things over with the succubus that was groaning as she stretched backwards slightly, rubbing her rear.
Morrigan: (Anya or Xander would be glad to help with that)
NeverChosen: Even as she did the horns retracted, the other features of her inhumanity melting away as if they had never been.
NeverChosen: Direct contact with the protection charm must have triggered the transformation and now that it lay untouched on the floor, the effect was fading.
NeverChosen: Another succubus… who Willow had just, at the very least, offended… and the protection charm was out of reach.
NeverChosen: Tara reached out her magic and telekinetically shot the little item back to Willow- or tried to. It was like trying to lift soft tofu with chopsticks; the resistance was there, but she just couldn't get a grip on it.
Morrigan: (maybe her tail could?)
Morrigan: (after all...it caught the pu...cat)
Elrad: (it's okay Beck, you can say pussy )
NeverChosen: Say what?! *prude faints from scandalized shock*
Morrigan: (I can *grin* but continuation of a previous snark-streak)
Morrigan: (fans NC)
NeverChosen: "Will- can you…" Tara glanced to her girlfriend, indicating the charm with a tilt of her head. It quickly lifted and flipped back to the redhead's free hand.
NeverChosen: The feeling that flowed through their connection shifted, the ever-present warm tingle turning to a stinging pins-and-needles sensation that ran up her arm. Their hands twitched but kept a firm grip.
NeverChosen: "Oh, for crying out loud… was that really necessary? I think you broke my ass," the demon before them grumbled, still rubbing her rear but looking no worse than miffed. Her once-again dark brown eyes fell on Willow reproachfully.
Elrad: (well, maybe you should think before assaulting people first then, succubussy)
Morrigan: (succubus with a broken ass?)
NeverChosen: Xander and Anya were hovering on the upper steps and Tara's quick shake of her head kept either from coming to help. Dawn, however, chose to take a stand beside the witches, defiance written in both posture and tone.
NeverChosen: "You'll break more than that if you don't tell us what's going on."
Morrigan: (Dawn getting butch now)
NeverChosen: The stranger arched an eyebrow incredulously before she sighed, straightened again and looked between the three young women arrayed before her.
NeverChosen: "Let me start over. My name is Jeanette Cenedella," the succubus started, focusing mostly on Tara. "By now you know that you need help. Not many people can understand what's happening to you right now, let alone help you through it."
NeverChosen: "Just how are you going to "help"?" Willow's words weren't aggressive, but there was still an underlying challenge.
Morrigan: (Willow really really wants to 'help her through it')
Elrad: (I think that Willow is quite sane not to trust a demon that just walked into the door)
NeverChosen: "By showing her how to prevent inevitable tragedy." Jeanette's eyes flicked to meet Willow's for a moment as she spoke, but returned to Tara.
Morrigan: (can you prevent the inevitable?)
NeverChosen: There was an unasked question in them, something that tinged her words with caution. "How many days has it been since your birthday?"
Morrigan: ((or would something that cna be prevented be the evitable?)
NeverChosen: In the single question, Tara knew that she had finally found a reason for hope. If the other succubus could do nothing more than tell her what to expect, it would be a leap ahead of where she was now.
NeverChosen: If she could help control what was happening, it was worth the risk of an underlying agenda. "Three. Almost."
Morrigan: (not anywhere near the half-life of Tara-lust yet)
NeverChosen: She squeezed Willow's hand once before releasing it, though her girlfriend hung on for a moment more. The connection of their magic severed, cutting off the physical irritation the contact had been causing.
NeverChosen: Hopefully Willow hadn't been feeling it too- given that the cause was a protective charm, there really shouldn't be any effect.
NeverChosen: "Three days already? Oh, honey…" the woman breathed the words like condolence, "They don't know, do they?"
Morrigan: (they know enough, Jeanette)
NeverChosen: "Know..?" Tara echoed, unsure what to answer. Willow gave her an inquisitive look, while Dawn looked ready to be offended at being left out of the loop.
NeverChosen: "We know about the tail and the horns. We know you can shapeshift. We know about the field thingy." Again it was Willow who answered, but Jeanette kept waiting for Tara to speak.
Morrigan: (Tara-tail...nobody knows enough about that though..)
NeverChosen: "What field?" Dawn whispered, brows furrowing in annoyed curiosity.
Morrigan: (range of rut)
NeverChosen: "Maybe not Dawnie… sorry." Tara tried to give Dawn a placating look, but was met with an expression of resigned irritation. "The others though…"
NeverChosen: "Maybe Dawn's virginal ears should go with Xander and make some of Giles' tea for everyone? In the back. Far away." Anya gave Xander a poke in the ribs.
NeverChosen: "Ah. Yeah." Xander was met with the youngest Summers' look of withering scorn. If not for his many years of exposure to such things in high school, according to what Willow had told her, he might have folded.
NeverChosen: Instead he gently but firmly steered Dawn toward the training room. "Sorry Dawnster, but your sister would kill us if you listened in on this one."
NeverChosen: "She's my friend too!" The indignant voice was made indistinct by the door closing, but the protest continued unabated behind it.
NeverChosen: "Really, couldn't we speak in private?" Jeanette urged, her words aimed only at Tara.
Morrigan: (heh..not if you dont want Willow on your broken ass..)
Zephyrine: (yeah not so wise there succubus)
NeverChosen: "For all we know, you're going to drag her off to some indoctrination camp the moment we let her out of our sight." Willow crossed her arms in a near exact copy of Dawn's pose from a moment before.
NeverChosen: "If I drag her anywhere, I'll do it tomorrow," the succubus snapped, "I want to help, but I'm tired.
Elrad: (wrong answer^^)
NeverChosen: My butt hurts. The last thing I want to do is get someone in a white robe and purple sneakers. That you're all so protective is wonderful, but just how am I supposed to satisfy your suspicion?"
Elrad: (oh, I don't know, swear an oath on your life or something?)
Morrigan: (no dragging Tra anywhere..unless its Will doing the draggin *wink*)
NeverChosen: "I'm sorry- there's b-been some bad stuff happen recently," Tara spoke up quickly, "everyone is really on edge…"
Morrigan: (in more ways than one..)
NeverChosen: She herself had been guilty of that. She'd sat around in the doorway debating hexing this lady before even finding out why she had appeared. For the others to make the same mistake was only reasonable.
NeverChosen: "How's this- you wanted a phone call. I'll give you my cell number. I'm going to get a room at a motel or something in the mean time. Is that fair?" Jeanette regarded each of them in turn.
NeverChosen: Tara could see Willow trying to figure out any loophole in the offer before deferring to her with a look. The blonde nodded, trying to convey her gratitude with her eyes as an offering to balance the suspicion radiating from her girlfriend
NeverChosen: Jeanette pulled out a card case from her purse and selected a card. She passed it over, "I'm usually up a little after 5 in the morning, but if you need anything, hun, you call, alright?"
Morrigan: (early mornings...)
NeverChosen: Her eyes lingered on Tara's a moment more, and with a quick, somber smile she turned to leave. She paused at the door, "I didn't even ask your name yet…"
NeverChosen: "Tara. Tara Maclay," the witch replied automatically.
NeverChosen: "I'll be waiting to hear from you Tara Maclay." With a ring of the bells over the door the succubus disappeared into the night.
NeverChosen: Tara turned the card in her hand. Cenedalla and Reese Realty. It had a slew of different numbers on it; two for an office, one for fax, and finally her cell.
NeverChosen: A cartoon of a cozy little house with a sun rising over it adorned the corner, while the back had lines for an address and appointment.
Morrigan: (succubi business cards...now there's a lucrative business)
NeverChosen: "Well, you messed that up pretty thoroughly." Anya shot Willow a disapproving glare. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to find one of them?"
NeverChosen: "Why did she show up here? You have to admit that it's suspicious that she didn't just call. And the whole "only I can help you" schpiel? Isn't that a Darth Vader line-
NeverChosen: not a big point in its favor!" Willow grumbled back defensively.
Morrigan: (you ust embrace your destiney!)
Zephyrine: (yeah that's pretty sketchy)
NeverChosen: . "Plus, am I the only one remembering the whole "she's a demon" part?
NeverChosen: Just because she pretends to be human doesn't mean she is, and on the subject of that particular deception? Not a big check on the trustworthy side."
Morrigan: (owie Will..you just slammed Tara too)
Morrigan: (shove that foot a little further down your thoat there Will)
NeverChosen: Yes, Baby, I know. She's a demon… just like me.
NeverChosen: Tara knew it was just a slip, that Willow hadn't meant to include her in the judgment, but it still hurt. Demons were basically evil- anything else was an exception, rather than the rule.
NeverChosen: She wanted to believe that Jeanette wasn't inherently evil, but the desire was tainted by her hopes for her own fate.
NeverChosen: "What do you think, Tara?" Willow reached out to touch her shoulder but pulled back when Tara winced from the static-like shock that the contact brought. The redhead looked at the charm still in her hand, plainly debating putting it down.
Morrigan: (I am not a fna of snuggle-inhibiting charms)
NeverChosen: Tara took the hands in her own, not drawing away at the unpleasant buzz that ran up her arms as she gently closed Willow's fingers over the little packet.
Zephyrine: (ditch the charm!)
Morrigan: (Willow would rather have her hands on some other 'charms')
Morrigan: (preferable Tara's )
Zephyrine: (odd euphemism )
NeverChosen: "I think that she's the best chance I have right now," Tara let her hands slide away but still looked at Willow's hands around the charm.
NeverChosen: "So you'll call her tomorrow?" The redhead sounded more resigned than supportive. Tara nodded. Her girlfriend sighed, muttering, "I still think it's weird that she dropped everything and ran down here."
NeverChosen: "What could she want from me, though?" Tara's brow furrowed. "She doesn't know anything about me e-except that we're the same species."
Elrad: (seduce Tara to the Dark Side?)
Morrigan: (Use the force, Tara...or failing that, your tail)
NeverChosen: She noticed that Willow cringed with the last word, but bit back her reflex to soften what she'd said. Sooner or later Willow was going to have to give in to the reality.
NeverChosen: She had been treating Tara's change as a disease, in tenacious denial of the facts.
NeverChosen: "Ask her then... if she's on the up-and-up, she'll give you a plausible answer. She wasn't going to say anything in front of us, but I guess that's not totally unreasonable."
NeverChosen: While not happy about the idea, Tara could feel the redhead's suspicions softening as she thought it through.
NeverChosen: "It was pretty vague," Tara conceded.
NeverChosen: "Like zero-practical-information kind of vague," Willow pouted.
Elrad: (like trust me, but I'm not giving you a reason to trust me vague?)
NeverChosen: "Well, what do you expect? You're human." Anya dismissed with a wave of her hand. She headed back toward her discounting project. "She's got as much reason to be wary of you as you have of her."
NeverChosen: Tara considered that. It was a valid point. Jeanette had already indicated that exposure was a problem for succubi, which was one of the things she needed to ask about.
Morrigan: (exposure is a problem for anyone near succubi too)

And so forth…

[SJ]

Great writing.

[AmberGoddess]

Fun!

[love_2003]

Loving where the story is going. Glad you let us in on how this story comes about. Waiting patiently to read more.

[Zampsa1975]

Yay for great update-y goodness... I really liked Willow protective streak, and how Tara saw that Willow's intent was to protect Tara from the stranger and protect the stranger from Tara... Big yay for Jeanette not freaking out too much of Willow "attack"... I truly hope that Willow is allowed to be present during Tara's and Jeanette's lessons...

[NeverChosen]

Replies first, then update.

Zampsa- One thing about writing this the way that I am is that I end up doing a lot of "well, what would they do in this situation"- since I have only the vaguest notion of where I'm headed, all the details can be made up on the spot. In the case of Willow's reaction, it seemed like a rather clever solution to a complex problem. Tara's Field O' Horniness makes it very unclear who is the victim, and so for Willow to attack anyone makes very little sense... because both parties need defending. That she was already working on the charm was fortuitous (didn't plan it that way, as I said before) because she could kill two birds with one... charm.
There is a mixed reaction to Jeanette's lack of retaliation; it's been suggested to me that this may be indicative of some less-than-pure motivation to her interest in Tara. We'll see...

love_2003- Well, I hope you're up for some exposition- I should apologize ahead of time for a chapter devoted mostly to an OC... but in the end, it's all about Tara, so I hope I will be forgiven.

AmberGoddess- It is a blast... it takes about an hour to do that much in chat and I seem to spend most of the time chuckling, laughing, or choking on whatever I was attempting to drink. Totally self indulgent, I know, but the people in chat seem to get something out of it too.

SJ- Thanks for reading!


On with the story...
-Never
-------------------------------


Ch 11


Angst Warning- Overall, higher than a hummingbird's heart rate. Ch 11 is not moderate in the direct sense, but if you start thinking implications, it's on the upsetting side.


Within two minutes of waking, Tara knew it was going to be a rough day. She'd slept late- but that wasn't really an issue on a Sunday morning. She was alone in the room- which was not half as nice as waking up with Willow, but was understandable under the conditions. Miss Kitty hadn't shredded anything and her continued fascination with Tara's tail moving under the covers was mind-bendingly cute. There wasn't much to complain about… or nothing new, anyway.

Not for the first two minutes. She propped herself up on an elbow, rubbing the sleep from her eyes with her other hand. Eye-boogers were surely one of Nature's ways of reminding you to stay humble. That had led to her fingers brushing her hair back out of her face, running up against her horns. Not just bumps now- the real thing. After allowing herself a few moments to slump with a sigh of self indulgent pity she'd gone to inspect the latest developments in her departure from humanity. Departure? Deportation was more accurate.

From the brief glimpse she'd had of Jeanette's horns, Tara had assumed hers would be a similar shining black rather than the dusty brown that she found. Not quite smooth, nor exactly round, she found before tracing down to the slight rise at the edges of her forehead. There weren't ridges at this point, being more palpable than visible, but that might just be a matter of time. A quick once-over didn't reveal any other disturbing features, other than some slight soreness where her tail had been crimped against the leg her pajama shorts when she'd turned over in her sleep.

Her new morning routine was going to have to include ten minutes of checking and hiding what she could. Her horns didn't cooperate quite as readily as they had the prior two days, but she managed to get them out of sight. If only her tail were more amiable to concealment she could pass without a second glance. As it was… Tara picked up the same skirt she'd been stuck in the past three days and grimaced. If Jeanette couldn't show her how to hide the tail, clothes shopping was going to have to happen soon. That would be a problem until the next check came from Financial Aid, unless she got lucky with one of Sunnydale's two thrift stores.

First, though, was basic life maintenance. The trip to brush her teeth revealed that she was going to have to start another self-imposed exile before much longer. Either that or Izel really had decided Tara was fair game. Knowing it wasn't the other girl's fault she had evaded as politely as possible and fled back to her room. She scanned her wardrobe again and figured out a combination of a high collared shirt to cover the still-angry bruise across her neck and her long, tan, belted cardigan to conceal the lump that her tail made against her patchwork skirt. It wasn't quite as effective as the other skirt, nor particularly attractive, but as long as she had the practicalities covered she was in no position to argue aesthetics.

The list she and Willow had whittled down the night before sat on her desk next to Jeanette's card. They'd had a fair amount of time before Buffy and Giles had returned to the Magic Box. The snake creature had been killed but, like so many unaccommodating demons, it hadn't dissolved on death and had required some effort to dispose of. When they'd told her about the new succubus in town, Buffy had gone quiet for a time before stating that Tara could do what she felt was right, so long as she kept Dawn far away from it. Dawn had, predictably, thrown a fit. It was only prudent, but the teen had seen it as another attempt to shelter her from things she was already a part of.

At some point Willow had brought out the other two charms she'd constructed so far and the conversation had mercifully shifted to who they would best be kept by. There was a great deal of opinionated conversation, but in the end Willow kept one, giving the others to Buffy and Giles. The rationale had more to do with Jeanette than Tara- if the other succubus were to make any hostile move, Buffy would help to deal with her. Giles was centrally located at the Magic Box and could pass the last charm to whomever else might need it. Creating more of the charms would have to wait until they could restock two of the components, but Tara was holding on to the hope that Jeanette could help her eliminate the need for them.

Willow had predictably wanted to listen in on her girlfriend's discussion with the demon, but that was one thing that Tara hadn't budged on. There would be no conference call, no recording, no listening to one side while 'providing moral support' in Tara's room. She'd stated clearly to the redhead that she needed to hear it all first- to get the whole story and think it through- before she revealed what she'd learned. Giles had been interested in making a definitive treatise on anything Tara learned, but he had quickly conceded that this was contingent on her approval- which Tara doubted she could give, seeing as the need for discretion had been the first reason given for Jeanette's arrival.

She didn't intend to hide what she learned. In the lives that the Scoobies led, and, by extension, in the lives of those close to them, secrecy could become dangerous all too quickly. They were forgiving of all things laid bare, but deeply suspicious of what was concealed. It was the nature of the trust between them- it had to be absolute, or the faults in it would break under stress, leaving them all vulnerable.

The phone waited silently and Tara was struck with the impression of Schrödinger's cat. Until she called, there was the full potential for either the answer to her problems or full knowledge of the horror that her life could become. It was making the call into quite the daunting leap of faith. She stared at the phone and wondered just how badly she was going to end up stuttering. People always had more trouble understanding her on the phone, lacking the visual cues that bridged the breaks in her speech. Maybe if she ran down and got something at the cafeteria for breakfast she'd be calmer? No, that would lead to nausea as her nerves took over again.

"Mew!"

Speaking of Schrödinger's cat, Miss Kitty reminded her of the third issue the problem posed. If you put off the decision too long you were going to end up with a dead cat simply by indecision. Or in her case, till the Range O' Randiness got out of control again. She shook off her morbid line of thought and procrastinated just a moment longer to stroke and then feed the kitten.

The phone rang shrilly, breaking the quiet and nearly giving Tara a heart attack. She stared at it dumbly, her mind in a state of total disarray until it rang again- at which point she remembered that there were a very limited number of people that it could be and the other succubus wasn't one of them. Her task could be delayed another few minutes.

Not deciding is still a decision, Tara.

"Hello?"

"How'd it go?" It was Willow, her bright question evidence that she'd already had her coffee. Tara grinned. Willow would have had the opposite issue that Tara had right now. She'd likely been staring at the phone, itching to call, for the last hour.

"It didn't. I, um… was just about to call."

"Oh. Sorry?" Poor Willow was trying so hard not to push.

"It's OK. I've 'just about to call' for about fifteen minutes now…" Tara owned up to her weakness.

"Nervous?"

"Yeah." Tara knew what Willow was wanting to say- that she would make the call herself, or make good on her threat of moral support. Before her girlfriend caved in to her impulses Tara continued as cheerfully as she could, "but now that I'm talking, I think I can keep up the momentum."

"Great! Take notes!" Willow reminded, then continued ruefully, "I couldn't wait any longer to call 'cause I've gotta run- I didn't want you to call me and think I was being all faux-supporto girl and skipping out on you."

"Never." The last few days had been proof enough that Willow wasn't going to waver in her role as said Supporto-Girl. Maybe Tara should make her a cape or something. Although it was more of a sidekick name than a hero name. Supporto-Girl and her trusty sidekick Sympathy-Boy? Hmm. Needed work.

"I'm going to see Mrs. Summers today and thought I should bring some presents or something. Get Well gifty-type stuff."

Tara felt a stab of guilt again at not having even considered visiting Mrs. Summers. Admittedly, she didn't really know Buffy's mother, but it was as much for Buffy sake as it was for the patient herself.

"I'll talk to you this afternoon then?"

"Count on it."

Their goodbye was brief and Tara found herself with weight of the phone leaden in her hand. Time to start the journey of a thousand steps. She dialed before she could think about it again. She waited as the line rung once, then twice. On the third it picked up.

"This is Jean. Tara?" There was the sound of wind with Jeanette's voice. She must be outside somewhere.

"How did you know?" Tara wondered aloud, then realized how silly that must sound. Jeanette had been expecting her call- just because the number was on her card didn't mean she got business calls on weekends.

"Area code on caller ID. How are you doing?" There was more to the question than a greeting, but Tara wasn't sure just what part of the answer Jeanette was looking for.

"Okay. Worried, but okay." Tara looked down at the imposing list of questions on her desk, softly adding, "Th-thank you for coming to Sunnydale. It's been a strange c-couple of days."

"I know you have a lot to ask me, honey, but can I start? Just to get an idea where we stand?" The wind sound was still there, dwindling then returning sporatically. The ever-present Sunnydale cell static was making it hard to hear as well.

"Um, sure?"

"I'm not sure how to say this politely, but why isn't your family here?"

Tara felt her heart skip a beat. Of all the things Jeanette could have asked, why that? Why bring up the very people she had rejected?

In the time that Tara was silent Jeanette rephrased herself, "Your mother? Grandmother?"

"Mama died almost th-three years ago." Two years, eight months, twelve days. "I never met Gran. She died in a traffic accident when I was really young, I think."

"I'm so sorry, honey…" There was a pause. "You didn't know any others, did you."

"I didn't know anything-" Tara wished she could purge the hollow bitterness from her voice, "just that I would turn into a demon when I turned twenty."

"I know every family handles it differently… but what did your mother tell you before she passed?" Jeanette pressed.

"That she was a d-demon. That I would be one and any daughter born to our line would be too. She said… we have a-an evil in us- that it had t-to be controlled." Tara tried in vain to keep the words steady. There was no use getting frustrated over it- that would make her words break more.

"That's… unique." Jeanette's voice had gone icy, "I've heard of some parents that wait until the last minute before they lay it all out, but… she just said 'demon'? That 'it needed to be controlled'? Did she say how? What was being controlled? Anything?"

"No." Tara felt herself rise in defense of her mother, "She taught me the Craft- my father said i-it was part of the evil, but he didn't stop her. She said it was something I needed to know- part of our heritage as much as the demon was. She just didn't practice when he was around and I was afraid to let him see."

"The Craft… Wicca?"

"You aren't?" Somehow Tara had assumed that he other succubus would follow that same path.

"Hardly- I'd never even heard of it for the better part of my life." Jeanette chuckled. "So- magic, right? That's why you were at the shop- I'd assumed that you were grasping for anything that would help."

"Do you know why my mother didn't tell me about… all this?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing. It doesn't make sense to me- yes, we're demons, more or less. But there's a lot more to it than that. And evil..?" The succubus sighed. "So you woke up with a tail like your mother's and everything since has been a surprise."

"My mother… she never had a tail- not that I know of." Tara couldn't reconcile the image. Her mother, washing the dishes, wearing her apron with the little chili pepper print on it… and her tail swinging with the song she sang under her breath? No.

"So you knew nothing about what's happening now?" The harshness of the incredulous question wasn't directed at Tara, casting out on her behalf but at the same time striking at the memory of her mother. "Nothing about your quickening at all?"

Tara didn't know how to respond, so she let her defensive silence speak for her.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to speak ill of the dead… I just don't understand." Jeanette's tone changed again, this time into a studied nonchalance, "So what have you done with the bodies?"

"Bodies?" Tara asked plaintively.

"It's day four. I assume there's been at least one," the gentle words probed, "Your boyfriend? Someone just in the wrong place at the right time?"

"No. No one."

"You don't have to hide," Jeannette said it like a condolence, "if you hadn't fed at least once, probably twice, you'd be half dead by now. You couldn't help but try to survive honey- it's only natural."

"I'm t-telling you- I haven't killed anyone. I-I did feed on someone. She didn't wake up for a while but she's still alive," Tara reasserted.

"If that were the case, you'd be drawing people from a block away by now," the patience was fading from the succubus' voice, "If you don't want to say- that's up to you. It's just that it's usually the boyfriend that dies first when there's an unguided quickening. It can change a person, to start out a new chapter of their life by killing the one they love. I pray that isn't the case for you, but if it is- I can't help what I don't know about."

What would Tara have done, if she had killed Willow in these last few days? She couldn't imagine. "Buffy- the one I... fed on. She's…" How could she put this? It wasn't her right to reveal Buffy as the Slayer, especially not to a demon. She finished lamely, "she's different from most people."

"Mmhmm," Jeanette didn't push further, but the disbelief was plain. "So I go back to my first question- how are you doing? How strong is the Draw right now? Your friends didn't seem affected last night, but did they all have the little magic repelling things?"

"A protection charm. No. People are getting weird today, but only within about six feet." Tara traced her hand down the list of yet-unasked questions, the careful order now making little sense. "How do you stop it from happening?"

"Right now you stop it by feeding before it gets to be a problem," the succubus replied matter-of-factly, "These first few days are the most intense time- you have to feed more often now than you'll ever have to again and unfortunately you won't have the control to keep from killing your partner unless you feed even more often than that."

"Is it that way for you? If you wait?"

"Not anymore. I couldn't Draw as far as you can if I tried… it's like with baby cobras- the venom is stronger when you're young, but later you learn how to use it better."

"Use it?" Cobras were one thing Tara could do without for another day.

"Pick and choose who you're affecting. I'll show you. Pardon the animal references- I was a zoology major once upon a time, so you'll get a lot of them from me." Jeanette chuckled again, "My daughter hates that."

For some reason Tara was surprised at the idea that the succubus would have children. It just didn't fit her image of the woman she had seen the prior night. There was no particular reason- after all, Tara was living proof that a succubus could have a family. She just had this lingering impression that demons were supposed to spawn or something impersonal like that. It was comforting- reminding her that her own mother had come through everything that she was experiencing and remained the gentle soul Tara had grown up with.

"Damn- my phone's about to die- I managed to forget my charger when I drove down," Jeanette interjected as Tara was lost in thought. "Look- I know your friends don't want us within twenty feet of each other, but can I meet you somewhere?"

Willow would have a conniption if she agreed, but the decision had to be made now. Trust or no?

Tara leapt into the unknown.

"Sure… um, where are you?" Even in a leap of faith, it was only prudent to pack a parachute. So long as Tara could choose the place she could keep them in public. Relatively public anyway- she couldn't very close to anyone or it would get awkward in a hurry- and for anyone to overhear would be a problem.

"Taking advantage of your beach- it's been too cold up north."

"How about I meet you by the UC Sunnydale playing field? It's on south campus- if you use the parking lot there and head toward the gym there's a big rusty metal art thing by the walkway- I can meet you under there..." At the very least there would be football practice going on today- plenty of people, but also plenty of space and no one was likely to pay them any mind unless they called attention to themselves.

"Give me twenty minutes or so and I'll see you there," Jeanette confirmed.

"See you." Tara listened as the line clicked off, waiting for her heart to stop racing. Miss Kitty was winding between her ankles. Tara tickled her furry little ears with the tip of her tail, which was swiftly batter away. "Here goes nothing, Missy."

"Mmrr." Miss Kitty replied philosophically.

-------


Tara found herself waiting under a large, twisted metal art object that was surely supposed to represent something profound. It was labeled Expectations of Youth, which the degree of rust made into a somewhat cynical statement. She shifted from foot to foot, wishing that the students passing would stop glancing her way. The first few times it happened she'd worried that she hadn't managed to keep her horns hidden, but running her hand through her hair confirmed that they were safely concealed. It had taken a group of loud guys from the volleyball team passing before she was reminded just why anyone was paying any attention.

There must be some cosmic rule that the more guys were in a group, the lower their maturity level. How else could she explain the conversation that had started, well within earshot, about just how they intended to prove their fantastic stories of virility on her? It wasn't entirely their fault what she was making them feel, but there was no reason to be obnoxious- the field wasn't reaching that far or that strongly at this point. Although her estimate of six feet from earlier was going to have to switch to ten or so.

Jeanette's arrival was a relief. The succubus had on a Washington State University Cougar Basketball T-shirt with the extra material pulled into a knot at her side, loose fitting black yoga pants, and neon pink flip flops. Her hair was wound into an untidy bun that looked like it was held together with a pencil. The overall effect was Soccer Mom. She was attracting her own share of second looks, though for more obvious reasons.

"Hope I didn't keep you waiting, dear. The parking on this campus leaves something to be desired." The attention of passing students didn't seem to bother Jeanette in the slightest. She indicated toward the edge of the field with a tilt of her head, "Shall we?"

Tara nodded gratefully and they headed toward the sparsely populated ridge that separated the practice field of the Razorbacks from the rest of the university. Willow had told her that the high school used the same mascot and it was hotly contested issue who had been the original bearer. Tara wasn't sure why anyone would feel so strongly, but then, following sports wasn't really her thing.

"Where did we leave off?" The succubus offered Tara the opportunity to lead the conversation.

"How…" Tara aborted the question as a skateboarder zipped past a little too close of comfort, redirecting her question to something more innocuous, "How was the beach?"

"It was much nicer than doing my tai chi at the motel." At Tara's curious look Jeanette grinned, "I practice most every morning- does wonders for my arthritis."

"Arthritis?"

"Mmhmm." They'd reached the grass and Jeanette raised her eyebrows in invitation, "You were about to say..?"

"This… field…" A gesture made clear that she wasn't referring to the football field. Tara tried to remember how they'd phrased the question on her list. The memory was playing hard to get.

"The Draw." Jeanette prompted.

"I can't get rid of it?" Tara stopped and settled down on the grass, trying to find some way of not sitting on her tail.

"You'll be able to in another week or so. Till then it's all about prevention." Jeanette sat down gingerly on her heels, superficially watching the players running around below.

"Why in a week?" Unable to find a comfortable sitting position Tara settled on laying on the grass, propped up by her elbows.

"Hun, your body is still changing and it needs fuel for that. I doubt that puberty was fun the first time around, but it really bites the second time. Either you take control, or it will. Thank the Lord that it's only a week or so." The succubus waved toward the players running around on the field, "The other good news is that you can pretty much take your pick. College is nice that way."

"That's it? J-just… use them and lose them?"

"They won't complain." Jeanette's flippancy faded as she noticed Tara's discomfort. "You choose, or the choice will be made for you."

"I know that." Tara realized just how harsh she had sounded when the succubus immediately apologized.

"Of course… I'm sorry, but this is Facts of Life 101. I can talk till I'm blue in the face about what's going on, but at the end of it all you still have to go out there and pick somebody." Jeanette shook her head, "Show them what they want to see and they won't even recognize you the next time they see you. Literally no strings attached… you can be anyone you want to be, honey- anyone except a prude."

"I meant to ask…" Tara consciously shifted the conversation, "when I did a shift the first time and reversed it- it seemed like it was natural to came back to 'me' me… but then…I had to correct things…"

"We all have an innate sense of who we are, which is what we revert to, but nobody knows themselves perfectly. We all end up idealizing little things as time goes on- it's sort of a continuous process."

"And if you have issues with self-image?"

"Somehow, nobody seems to go downhill from where they start." Jeanette shrugged, "Maybe my reasoning is wrong- but the effect is the same, regardless." She looked over at Tara, adding quietly, "Try to keep your eyes, dear- not just because yours are lovely, but it's the hardest thing to realize you've lost."

"On the subject of shifting… the tail?" Hers was in the grass for the slight bit that her skirt didn't cover. The blades were prickly against it. Tara blushed as Jeanette caught her glancing toward the succubus' butt. No sign of a tail, so there must be a way. She really hoped the word "docking" wasn't going to come up.

"Ah, yes." The succubus grimaced reproachfully as she shifted on her heels again. "This is doing a job on my knees- just a sec." She turned over to lay an arm's length away, her pose mirroring Tara's. "At some point we're going to have some anatomy lessons, and then I can show you how to shift it away. For some reason it's harder to hold that part of the shift, so it will take time before you can keep it off for more than a few hours… first thing when I get home every day- the shoes come off and the tail's let down. There are some of us that get rid of it as much as possible- but it's hard to completely relax that way."

"The horns… they always c-come back when you sleep?"

"No. Pardon me for being vulgar, but keeping your demon bits hid when you sleep is a lot like holding your water. You're a baby to this, so don't expect to make it through the night. Eventually you won't even have to think about it- though you'll still sleep better with your tail down, trust me." Jeanette picked a blade of grass and twirled absently in her fingers, "My Leila took a good three years before she could do it. Yvette I'm not sure about- she went back to college as soon as I'd let her and I was lucky if she wrote once a month, let alone called."

"You have two daughters?" She looked like she could have middle schoolers. High schoolers maybe… but two kids over twenty?

"And a boy in between; Hugo. Careful or I'll show you pictures." Jeanette smirked playfully.

"Your son- is he..?"

"Hm? No, no. The boys are as human as their fathers. The girls are all like you. No variation on that." She flicked away the grass and was lost for a moment in memory, "Hugh was so upset when we told him he'd never have a tail. His sisters didn't have theirs yet, but he was still so jealous."

"Your family all knew? Everything?"

"When I decided to have a family, I refused to keep any secrets from them. It's not what everyone does, though I've never known anyone to say as little as your mother did." Jeanette closed her eyes as if asking for patience and her annoyance had cleared when she spoke again, "I brought up my girls knowing full well what to expect, and when it was their time, I brought them through it as best I could."

"What was it like for you?" Tara asked hesitantly. As much as the succubus could tell about her daughters, it was the first hand experience that meant more to the witch.

"That's going back a ways..." The succubus gave her an amusedly cautioning look. "Let me one-up you there- a lesson in family dynamics for our kind of folks. It'll help for context."

"My mother emigrated to America from Italy with me and my three brothers when I was about 8 or 9. I never knew my father and I strongly suspect that all of us kids were by different fathers, but it wasn't something that was ever explicitly brought up. She was completely open with us about what she was- it would have been hard to miss in her case… it wasn't easy for a single mother in those days- worse than now, by far. Jobs for women were poorly paid, dangerous, and quite frankly my mother felt that most of them were beneath her. She'd been raised well-to-do and intended to live as she was used to… which she had no particular trouble with. She shifted to male every morning, went to work as our 'father', and spent the evening as mother."

"I'm telling you this because that is one of the choices you'll have- some of us spend so much time male that it ends up as our base form… not many- maybe one in fifty or so. Most everyone tries the other side at least a couple times, but you figure out what works for you." Jeanette made it sound so mundane, all of this gender-bending. Tara understood, logically, that this wasn't a major life decision for someone who could just revert back in an hour if they wanted to… but there was more than plumbing to that kind of change… the whole reason people went through surgery and more to alter their plumbing to fit what they felt.

"Mother had raised us with a clear double standard. The boys were to be clean cut, honest, preferably chaste until they married, and utterly monogamous after. I, on the other hand, was encouraged to play the field… pretty much the opposite of mainstream culture. Now, my two elder brothers were drafted into the war when I was 18 and I ended up working at a hospital for the wounded the made it back to the States. I fell hard for one of my patients, a fella who'd had some pretty bad burns on his legs. When he finally got out of the hospital, he proposed and I accepted. Mother threw a fit. She did her best to alienate Roland, but he didn't pay any heed to what she said- his own mother was a bit of a shrew, you see. My mother meant well, but all she managed to do was push me away. When she tried to abort the wedding I finally cut off all contact with her. We moved to California and left no forwarding address. We were young, free, in love- the GI Bill was putting Ro through UC Davis and I was well on my way to being a happy homemaker."

"After a year of wedded bliss I started getting the reminders that my twentieth was coming up. I knew that was when I would quicken and knew all about the 'facts of life' from that point, but my mother had expected to be there for the event itself. She hadn't told me what the process entailed." Jeanette paused, blindly gazing to the horizon as she leaned on crossed arms. It was a silence of needed thought and did not invite questioning, though Tara found she already had points of this story that she wanted to clarify. A hummingbird whizzed by, twittering indignantly at something known only to it and breaking the reverie.

"I killed my husband the day after my birthday." The statement was washed clean of any great emotion, though there was no triviality overlaying it. It was like discussing genocide in Rwanda- far away, years past, still terrible but lacking in emotional impact. Tara waited for Jeanette to continue, studying the face that held regret without the ravage of guilt.

"I went round the bend for a few months after that- convinced myself that I didn't care and set out to prove it. Ironically enough, it was my overreaction that kept me from killing anyone else… a new face every night, and they'd usually get away without much worse than a bad hangover the next day. I knew enough to keep who I was hidden- mother had taught me that much- and I made my way across the country, looting my victims' wallets for a living. Eventually that got old and I mellowed out some- and found out just how lonely that kind of life can be."

"I tried to settle down some, but that just led to two deaths on my conscience and having to run from a demon hunter." Jeanette's 'what can you do' expression didn't reassure Tara about how those deaths weighed on her. Unfortunate, but a learning experience- as one would regard a prized vinyl warped after it was left in the sun.

"Then I met my Herschel- a wonderful man and an honest to goodness hippie. Free love, down with the Man and all social institution- the whole nine yards. Plus smart, funny, and took the whole 'my girlfriend isn't human' thing in stride… we started a very open relationship and life became what I'd always wanted it to be." The succubus finally looked back over to Tara with all her easy confidence back in place, "So you see- when I talk about tragedy, I have some understanding of what I'm talking about… and I know it doesn't have to be that way. Even when it is, it doesn't have to stay that way." She waved toward the sweating horde on the field. "Life can be pretty awful and life can be truly grand; same as for any of them."

Tara watched the orchestrated motions for a moment, "Mr. Cenedella… you couldn't be with him… just him… right?"

"Klein, actually- he didn't want me to change my name when I finally convinced him to bow to getting married. And I wouldn't say 'just', not my Hershey," was the wicked response followed by a short chuckle at Tara's blush. "No. He ran around plenty and pretty much expected me to do the same. Home was with my husband and my kids- I just had a lot of 'girl's night out' time."

Tara tried to imagine it. Classes, lunch on the quad with Willow, studying, maybe help with some Scooby research, then meet one of her TAs- pull her into a back room and… and when it was over, head over to Willow's room as if nothing had changed and make snarky remarks as they watched Xena. Could she live that way? No. The idea of being with someone other than Willow, for so draconian a purpose, was… wrong. She looked up to see Jeanette's eyes on her, waiting for a cue. She didn't know what to say, but just dropped her eyes back to the blades of grass before her. An ant was crawling up one of the stalks…

"Does it have to be…" Tara still couldn't bring herself to say it, both from ingrained propriety and the wrongness the words represented. "Doesn't any kind of f-fluid contact work? Biting?"

"Yes and no. You can go that way a few times, but too often and you'll end up sicker'n a dog. Not to mention- the person you're feeding from gets hit a lot harder for what you take."

"Efficiency…" Tara thought back to Willow's explanation.

"Speaking of which-" Jeanette checked her watch, "Care to get some lunch? My treat."

"You don't have to-" Tara levered herself back to sitting, agreeing to the idea with her motion, if not to the method.

"Ah, but you are a student, and I have a steady income- and I want to eat somewhere that involves waiters and real silverware, so I'm really just subsidizing my own selfish wishes." Jeanette was slower to rise and once standing she stretched, grimacing as her back cracked loudly. "What does this town have in the way of Bistros?"

----------------- TBC


Posted in chat 2/14/10 at 9:30pm PST. It was a great commentary night...

[leonhart17]

Well, that all doesn't sound TOO bad... it obviously could be much worse... hopefully they'll figure out a plan soon!

[spells42]

Loving this

I guess Willow's gonna have to step up to the plate in a big way, hmmm?

[Zampsa1975]

Yay for great update-y goodness... Good that Tara now knows basic's of Succubus life... I truly hope Tara and Willow can work out a safe plan for Tara to feed and not be unfaithful to Willow...

[NeverChosen]

Hey everyone!

I've got the next section almost done well ahead of schedule, and when I come to post my preview what do I find? Feedback! ^_^ Gotta love it.

Zampsa the Loyal- How do you keep all of these fics you read straight? I seem to see your comments on every chapter of every fic in recent history! I can't imagine how you manage...
I don't think anyone is voting for Tara to stray from her devoted Willow- but she is in quite a pickle. Luckily, she's surrounded by good people with a track record of solving well-nigh-impossible problems. Tara still has a lot left to learn before this is over...

spells42- Hey there! Step up? Because she's kinda short? OK, so I'm being deliberately obtuse... I don't think that Willow will object to her apparent 'duties', but neither she nor Tara is going to be happy with the apparent eventual fatal outcome. Kinda puts a damper on things, y'know?

leonhart- Could be worse? Yes. Would it suck to hear? Oh yes. Would it be even worse to find out on your own? Certainly- so information is a good thing, even when it's not what you want to hear. I'm sure our girls will figure something out, but there's so much left to learn before that happens...


Thanks to my readers- even to the one's who don't leave feedback. I watch the climbing "View Count" total and I hope you aren't disappointed with what you've found so far... if you are, don't be afraid to tell me. This fic is fluid; you can actually have an effect on where it goes.

-Never

--------------

Preview Ch 11 Pt II
Next time on Changes; a dunce cap, the morgue, the ER, curfews, a chat room, bad handwriting, a Sock Monster, a battleship, and Saran wrap. Coming soon to KB chat; same cat-time, same cat-channel!

[spells42]

Well, I got the impression that the visitor was living in a long standing relationship... and missed the bit about how Jeannette played the field. Yeah, can't see Tara doing that.

Ok, so Looking forward to seeing how you get them out of this fix.
Anne

[hannahtoo]

Awww this keeps getting better
nice update [/center]

[love_2003]

Glad that Tara has someone to talk too. I'm wondering what will be Willow's reaction when she hears that Jeannette wants Tara to 'feed' every so often. Getting more and more interesting with every update.

[SJ]

Great update.

[AmberGoddess]

These previews get stranger every time. I loved the update! Hope Willow's up for some serious loving... Oh, the horror!

[inspiron]

Thanks for the lengthy previous reply - I like that you're using a disease view-point to help achieve realistic reactions from Willow and Tara.

I was prepared for a tough chapter when I read the angst level - woah, that's high!

Speaking of the latest chapter - I thoroughly enjoyed learning more about the newest succubus. Like everyone, I was holding my breath when Tara agreed to meet her...I hope that decision doesn't come back to bite her (literally ). I wonder how Willow will react to the news that Tara met up with her....hmmm...

Actually, I just had a thought - If Tara desperately needs to feed, is it possible to feed from another succubus?

This chapter was great in that it started to reassure Tara that she can have a future as a succubus...complete with a family. I'm very much looking forward to the rest of their conversation over lunch. Great writing!

[GrimCityGirl]

hey, I started reading these last night... kept me up til 5am! couldn't stop reading. this is AWESOME so far. I really hope Tara and Willow find a way to bang with all the scary tension but minus the draining death, that'd be cool but too easy I guess...

Anyways, can't wait for your next update! keep up the good work! this writing method works for you.

[NeverChosen]

First of all- I'm sorry! The Sock Monster from the preview is actually in part III, not part II. My apologies for misleading you- rest assured it will appear soon.


Replies in no particular order.

Inspiron- I've been surprised by the varied reaction to Jean. Some people think its great to be getting info, some people think it's annoying that this person with all the answers conveniently appears out of nowhere, and most folks are suspicious. This is reasonable and is represented in the spectrum that the various characters themselves are feeling. You'll see Willow's response in the next section… which, sorry, does not contain the lunch conversation. I got tired of writing about Jean, so I'll let Tara fill us in on what she learned without going through the whole transcription of their dialog.
The question of Tara feeding off non-humans will be breached at some point… the answer has some interesting implications. *enigmatic smile*

AmberGoddess- Previews on the Willow POV chapters are much, much easier than for Tara- Willow has so much more digression in her thought patterns (or, that's how I see her) that the randomness just pops in without my having to work at it… which probably says something about how I think… I wonder occasionally what people imagine when they read the previews- I asked in chat once and it was fun what people came up with. As to Willow-lovin', the next two sections should give you an answer.

Hannahtoo- Better? Really? ^_^ More complicated, certainly… I'm not a big believer in simple answers to complex problems. Change one thing and then see how the effect ripples outward- the fun part is trying to see just how far reaching it is.

SJ- As always, thank you for your support.

Love_2003- You will see the results in the next two sections… I skipped the afternoon lunch bit because there was too much of Jean blabbing and not enough actual character development. Besides, I have the opportunity to bring up anything I want as a thought or through Tara talking to Willow about what she learned.

Spells42- Jean's husband is a rare individual, providing her with a permanent emotional relationship despite the practical impossibility of an exclusive physical one. Even if Tara, by some bizarre and radical twist, intended to try the same with Willow… just how long would Willow put up with it before that emotional relationship started to suffer? This next bit starts to deal with that problem…

Thanks for reading!
-Never

[NeverChosen]

Ch 11, Part II



Angst Warning- For the story overall, higher that the amount of exercise equipment that is primarily used as a clothing rack. This section is a prime example of that.

-----
Willow was wondering just how much longer she should wait before calling a search party. She was trying to be UnClingy Girl; like nonfunctional Saran wrap, like lavendar scented dryer sheets, like a mellow girl who was not contemplating calling the morgue because Tara was not home yet.

After visiting Mrs. Summers and wishing that her attempt at gift levity had been a bit more successful, Willow had kept her resolution not to immediately call Tara and get a full report. It was distinctly unpleasant to be uninformed, especially when Tara's welfare was at stake, but her girlfriend was a mature, sensible person. She could make her own decisions, and the decision she had made involved leaving Willow distressingly
out of the loop. She had reassured herself for all of five minutes this way before remembering that Tara might, just maybe, need the efforts of SupportoGirl, archnemesis of UnClingyGirl. By way of compromise she'd made quick work of walking back to her dorm room, skipping her intended trip to catch the trail end of lunch at the cafeteria.

There had been no message on the answering machine, which had irked her somewhat. After a brief, self indulgent sulk she'd given in to the logic that Tara knew she wouldn't be there, so had no particular reason to call. Willow had gotten through Monday's lecture material on complex carbohydrate reduction buoyed by that particular reasoning before deciding that stopping by Tara's room wouldn't be pushy anymore. It was afternoon, after all. Tara might be needing someone to talk to, but thinking Willow was still out, and how terrible would it be if she didn't correct that misconception? Or worse, she could have gone all stoic and decided to keep Willow from worrying by going incommunicado- a severe error in judgment, given how inventive Willow's anxiety-lade imagination could get.

So she called… and got no answer- which was only slightly perturbing. Maybe Tara was at the library working on her German Lit essay? Well, it wouldn't be pushy if Willow happened to show up at the library for her own studies, would it?

So she'd headed over to the library. She'd searched the stacks and cubicles from top to bottom. She'd called Tara's room again. It had gotten to be three o'clock before she was really worried. She tried calling the Magic Box, but Giles hadn't seen her girlfriend all day. She'd called the Espresso Pump and made use of the fact that the baristas knew them, and their usual orders, if not their names, on sight. No dice. Her mind had then raised the possibility that Tara wasn't answering the phone because the Purview of Perviness had gotten out of hand again. That would mean the rate of spread was accelerating; badness all round. There was no two ways about it.

This had brought Willow to her current post in Tara's otherwise very much unoccupied room. Infringing on privacy be damned- this could be serious. She'd looked for a note. She'd noticed that Tara's texts were all still packed up beside her desk. Nothing was out of order- which meant that the succubus lady hadn't kidnapped her from the room. Probably. Maybe. Pacing didn't help the redhead's nerves to settle, nor quiet her mind. Miss Kitty was still around, watching sleepily from her sunny perch by the window with serenely feline forbearance at the intrusion. The kitten took any chance possible to escape the room- a kidnapper wouldn't have made the effort to keep her inside. Ergo; Tara had gone out intentionally. Out to none of the usual places.

The obvious conclusion was one that Willow found distressing. Tara had gone to meet the Napa succubus. Jeanette. What kind of name was Jeanette? It sounded suspiciously fictitious, like Sassette, or Smurfette, or… well, Bernadette was a real name. And there was the whole stones and glass houses issue… But that was beside the point!

Tara had seen a year's worth of Scooby life, but she hadn't seen enough of it to understand some of the basic principles. First and foremost- solutions do not just fall in your lap unless they have big, honking consequences. Demons that show up on your doorstep, no matter how nicely packaged, were a sign of big badness. Ugly demons were not good, but somehow it was the visually appealing ones that always turned out to be the real problems. That was part of the worry over Glory- strong, not rushing to make her master plan known, and from what Buffy said, not hard on the eyes despite inevitable fashion flaws. At least they had a name now, for all that they still couldn't find any information on it- Buffy had finally remembered that a minion with nasty skin had called her by that name when she summoned the snake thing.

Two big baddies at the same time would be an unprecedented suckage, but these things had escalated over the years. One ancient vamp with a few minions, then one particularly vicious vamp that happened to have relationship ties with Buffy and a cadre of his own, then ascending true demon with the help of the Secondary Slayer of skankiness, then large military huu-rah group with their pet Frankenstein, and now? Why not two, with appropriate supporting cast? Had plain ol' vampires gotten too blasé for making their lives difficult? If life were supposed to be fair, it would come with a rule book… and an appeals process- but that didn't make it any easier to accept.

She couldn't exactly run through the streets of Sunnydale with any hope of finding her girlfriend. If only Sunnydale had a decent cell phone grid… there had been numerous attempts to make the service reliable, but no success. Willow was sure that the Hellmouth scrambled the signals somehow in a malevolent maneuver to make their job that little bit harder. Especially since the lack of cell phone functionality wasn't stopping the pay phones from evaporating. How else could she find Tara… maybe a spell?

The materials for a typical locator spell weren't in the room and Willow had the niggling feeling that the moment she went to the Magic Box to get them, Tara would show up here and miss her in a bit of cinematic farce. Even a locator wasn't much good if she was moving… by the time Willow got to where she was, she'd be long gone.

Working on the magic problem had given Willow a focus as she waited. Tara had a much better library than the redhead did and there were still a great many spells within them that she had yet to learn. Part of that was a handwriting issue- several of Tara's books were hand written in well-night illegible scrawl. Some kind of spell that would locate, let the person know they had been located, give some kind of sense whether they were in danger?

She'd transcribed something over the next two hours that looked promising; it required no components to function, only a meditative state, proper metal framing, and a short incantation. It wasn't even dependant on an anchor, even though it allowed a portion of the caster's consciousness to accompany the guiding light that was summoned. There wasn't any title- a number of the spells in these volumes were that way. They lacked the pretention of most magical notation, used exceptionally common materials, and… were in this god-awful handwriting.

Willow checked the clock again. Would it really be too much to call the morgue? Just to be sure? The ER wouldn't tell her anything; "We cannot confirm or deny the presence of the person you have named" must have been drilled into every one of their pointy little heads during job orientation.

This must be what parents feel when their kids are out after curfew. Most parents, anyway. Willow had a curfew when she lived at home. She was sure she did… it was never enforced, and her parents were gone so much that they would never have known the difference… but good girls don't break rules just because they can. So she hadn't. Not until she had a reason that was more important than some ambiguous vision of proper behavior. Then it pretty much went out the window.

It was dark now. Dark was dangerous. Willow reread the spell in her hands, wondering if she had it right. Anything that fragmented your consciousness was probably not something she should try alone for the first time- not now that she had a choice. But was there a choice? Tara still wasn't home! It was a little bit too much to assume she was lying in a ditch somewhere… wasn't it?

Willow made a quick call back to the Magic Box- still no Tara. Giles and Xander were waiting around for Riley to do a cemetery patrol. Buffy was staying at the hospital overnight- her mother's surgery was going to be at 7:30 in the morning, which apparently meant going down to PreOp at just after 5am. She'd put up token protest about skipping patrol, but there was no question where she needed to be. Willow had intended to go with them, but when she'd called earlier Xander had made clear that they would be fine. He had, in fact, used his "logic holds no sway over me" defense when she'd protested. Maybe they wanted a boy's night out… with manly mortal peril and all that.

Or maybe they all knew they were better off without her. Willow knew she was going to be distracted and all it took was one distracted person to put everyone in danger. Or that is what Mr. Lone Wolf kept telling them when he objected to their discussion of recent X-Files episodes as they walked the grassy graveyard. With Riley along, they should be fine without her contributions. Not that she contributed anything particularly noteworthy. She was dead last in total vamps dusted over the years. It was perturbing when she found out that Xander was keeping track of these things, but she had managed to squelch her competitive inclinations by reminding herself that he needed something to be proud of and besides, it wasn't like she could do anything to catch up. She'd had a brief notion of going out on her own before reality kicked in and reminded her that this was not a game; so good-bye competition.

One of these days she was going to have to get some of her invocational spells up to where they would be really useful on patrol. As it was she couldn't keep focused enough to even use telekinesis to a practical degree- there was just too much going on to stand still and work the mojo without getting hit. They'd been lucky with the snake- already working magic and having that vital moment when it had stopped in front of Dawn. That particular mystery still hadn't been resolved, either.

And all of this was beside the point because Tara Was Not Home.

Willow sat abruptly, crossing her legs on the floor. She eyed the spell again. She was fairly sure it was accurate, although it wasn't along the lines of the formalized texts of Giles' that she was more familiar with. Well, she'd spent years trying new spells without a safety net- she could very well do it again. She closed her eyes, breathing deeply once before starting the incantation.

"Mer-"

At that moment she heard Tara's key in the door, clicking as it turned against the already open lock. Willow dropped the magic she'd started to call up, the tiny light bulbs around the room flaring for a moment but not burning out. By the time Tara had the door open the redhead was on her feet.

Tara looked okay. Tired, yes, with a kyphotic bowing of her shoulders that betrayed an anxiety that she wouldn't show on her face… but without any noticeable injury. She was paused halfway through the door, looking behind her as she spoke to someone there.

"-shouldn't you t-talk to Kendel about this?"

Kendal had been Jake's girlfriend since day one of freshman orientation and was more often than not found in his room, a few doors down from Tara's. Willow's mood curdled further. The Bailiwick O' Beguilement must be returning, with all the accompanying flirty advances. It wasn't that she thought Tara would go for any of it- but it disturbed her girlfriend intensely and, frankly, it annoyed Willow that these people couldn't get it into their hormone-addled brains that Tara was spoken for.

The blonde pulled further into the room, catching Miss Kitty as she made her ever-hopeful break for the door. Willow slid by her just enough to say a cheerful and nonnegotiable, "G'bye now" to Jake and close the door firmly in his face. She turned around and leaned back against the door, the anxieties of half a day washed slowly away by the sight of a pensive but unmarred Tara depositing Miss Kitty on the bed, dropping a bag on her desk, followed by her wallet. Some irrational part of the redhead wanted to rant about how worried she'd been, but the urge to try to ease her love's mind stomped it down readily.

Tara slid off her cardigan and dropped it on the bed, sitting down heavily beside it. Leaning forward with her elbows on her knees, she looked up as if noticing Willow's silent vigil for the first time. With a slight peak of her eyebrows she invited the redhead to speak, holding the resigned understanding of an unrepentant waiting to be scolded. Willow wondered if she really looked like she was upset. That would be bad- Tara had enough problems. Just watching her shift uncomfortably where she sat was enough to bring that back to mind. Still- the issue needed to be breeched.

"You saw her, didn't you."

Tara nodded, dropping her eyes for a moment before returning them to Willow's. There was so much going on behind those eyes, so much that Willow wasn't privy to. It made it hard to know how to respond to the myriad clues that she conveyed in her posture. Patience, resignation, trepidation, confusion… the emotions were there, but without words to give them form, what could Willow say?

"Did you learn what you wanted to?" She carefully withheld any judgment.

"Some…" The corner's of Tara's mouth tightened in something between a grin and a grimace. She straightened and rubbed the back of her neck unconsciously, "There's so much- the answers are there, but the ones I wanted? No."

Willow closed the distance between them slowly, folding down to her knees in front of her girl and crossing her arms over Tara's knees. The blue eyes clouded somewhat and Tara leaned back to better see Willow's upturned face, "You didn't need to worry- Jean… she really is trying to help."

"I want to believe that. I just don't trust things happening that are too good to be true. They generally are. Especially around here." Willow cautioned. She didn't add the part about how demons that come bearing gifts were generally after something other than brownie points.

"She's not exactly 'good'…" Tara's expression was conflicted, "but I think she means well."

"Not 'good' how?" Willow felt a resurgence of the nasty suspicion that she'd been right about the whole thing. "She didn't do anything to you, did she?"

"No." There was some small amount of exasperation in the single syllable. "Not me… We went to lunch. She hit on a waiter. He's meeting her after work."

"Hit on a waiter?"

"She drove up to Serafina's and saw a guy smoking by the door to the kitchen before we went in. She changed- shifted, I guess- before we got out of the car and when we sat down, the guy turned out to be our waiter. She flirted, he flirted, they're meeting up tonight." The disapproval was clear, but Willow didn't feel any real concern off her love. There must have been some reassurance in what she'd learned today for her not to be worrying about Jeanette's apparent future victim.

"Meeting up?" Willow repeated sourly, making a mental note to call to Serafina's the next day and make sure everyone was alive and accounted for.

Tara nodded, reciting matter-of-factly, "she asked him what time his shift was over. He said he got off at eight. She said she would make sure he did." She furrowed her brow incredulously, "who actually says that kind of thing?"

"Demon women with sleazy tendencies, apparently." To hell with the waiter- if this succubus intended to corrupt Tara into using lame pickup lines, Willow was going to have to intervene.

"She's not sleazy… she's… used to this?" Tara slid out her legs out from under Willow and started pulling off her shoes. The redhead switched to leaning against the bed, pouting at the loss of her Tara-pillow. "People respond to her all the time and I don't think she even notices."

"You don't notice when people check you out." Willow pointed out cheekily, but the expression faded, "speaking of which- Field O' Hor-"

"It's called a Draw… or that's what Jean said when she talked about it." Tara made one of her rare interruptions, the arch of her eyebrow indicating that she expected adherence to the new vocabulary.

"It's getting to be an issue again, isn't it."

Tara blushed, pulling off her other shoe. "She said that the only way to get rid of it is t-to feed." Tara stood quickly, turning away to put them in the closet. Over her shoulder, she continued quietly, "she said it's not as bad after the first ten days or so."

Ten days. Four down, six to go. Willow rested her chin on her linked hands. Novel solutions were not presenting themselves. "Any news on that front?"

Tara stopped, back still turned, and her head dropped slightly. "Not exactly." She turned with a look that made Willow ache to take away her doubts, but it was quickly hidden behind the blonde's familiar calm. She picked up her cardigan to hang, "How's the charm working?"

"Like a charm." Willow smirked impishly, pulling herself to her feet. She earned a trace of a grin, but Tara quickly sobered,

"Seriously though?"

"As close as I can tell, it's doing great." She shrugged.

"As best you can tell?" Tara repeated uncertainly. Willow sidled up behind her girlfriend, hugging her from behind with her chin over the blonde's shoulder.

"Well, around the hotness-that-is-you there are confounding factors." She murmured in the voice of what Tara had once labeled 'Channeling her Inner Coquet'. The redhead had hoped to tease at least a bit of the apprehension out of her love, but instead of relaxing back against Willow the way she usually would, Tara seemed to tense further and pulled away.

Tara had retreated only an arm's length away, but her back was to the wall now and her arms hugged protectively across her belly. The hurt must have shown on Willow's face, because Tara's expression fell into a helpless distress.

Willow dropped her hands to her sides, realizing just how callous she had been in trivializing the situation. As funny as the Field O' Horniness sounded, the consequences ranged from unpleasant to outright appalling. Tara had already experienced that, in no small part by Willow's carelessness, and here she was, all "hee hee, let me laugh at your pain" girl. The question Tara had asked was for her protection- a gage of whether Willow herself was falling prey to the Draw, whether she was going to become part of the problem again.

"I'm sorry- I shouldn't have..." She searched her mind for adequate words.

"No. I-I-" Tara swallowed once with a look of frustration as the words started to break and Willow waited for her to finish, quelling the urge to interject further apology. Her love spoke again, steadily this time, "The charm is working- I can tell that."

Willow wasn't sure what to make of that, "Then why..?"

"I kn-know it's working on me." Tara confided softly, seemingly trying to find the right way to say what she intended, "I didn't know about you."

"Fine. Hunky dory, even." Was she afraid that Willow was going to try to ravish her where she stood? Hands had not deviated to interesting places- surely that was obvious. She looked to Tara in confusion, hoping for a little more direction. Her love started to reach out, wanting so obviously to allay her concerns, but halted short of touching her.

Early on in their relationship- before she even knew that it was a relationship, Willow had discovered that Tara was an intensely tactile person. She could convey more in a trailing touch, a hand on the arm, the simple motion of her fingers when they linked hands than most of Willow's meandering conversations. Conversations were just words. Touch was feeling, and so often, feeling was the meaning that really mattered. The current distance was conspicuous and the aborted gesture sent another twinge of unease through Willow's already tumultuous thoughts.

"I'm sorry- it…" Tara closed her eyes and curled back in to herself again, her confession steeped in apology, "when you're wearing it- the charm- it's really, really uncomfortable."

Willow felt the dawning of understanding like a giant concrete dunce cap falling on her head. The way the charm had affected Jeanette- it had been physically painful for her to be in contact with it. Tara hadn't touched the charm itself, but… Willow had noticed the night before that when she held the charm the warm tingle that that Tara's touch usually brought had extinguished- that alone had made her consider abandoning it- but hadn't considered what her love might have experienced.

"I didn't realize-" The charm lay against the skin of her chest, tied with a simple leather string. It had to be in direct contact to function, and making a pendant of it had been a simple enough solution. Willow pulled it out from under her shirt, starting to divest herself of it immediately.

"No. Wait." There was alarm in Tara's voice and again she reached out, but didn't complete the motion. "Keep it- you need to keep it on. I just… have you ever picked up a stinging nettle?"

Willow shook her head. Woodsy things were not a large chapter of her life experience. There had been the brief "Girl Scouts would look good on your college applications" fiasco in middle school, but she'd managed to avoid the camping part. Sleeping on the ground, outside? There was a reason that mankind had developed civilization, permanent dwellings, and electric blankets. She knew about tea nettles- which were bitter, but not stingy. Did stinging nettles even grow in Southern California? Maybe she should find some and roll around in them a bit so she got a good dose of what she'd done to Tara. It seemed like justice.

"Like getting scrubbed by steel wool, maybe?" Tara elucidated softly, her eyes still asking for forgiveness, though Willow wasn't sure what her crime was.

Understanding the no-contact rules of engagement now, Willow nodded. Steel wool would be easier to procure than nettles for Willow's self-determined sentence. It was only fair.

"Baby, this is my problem. Not yours." Tara saw her self-repudiation for what it was. She always knew. The blonde seemed to collect herself as she continued, "-and I need you to keep the charm on until I tell you what else Jean told me."

Willow turned the folded paper exterior of the charm over in her fingers, twisting the string and then untwisting it as she reversed the motion. It hurt Tara. Whatever Tara had to say, she could say, but then it was coming off.

"The Draw- it's just going to get worse, like before- maybe faster. She says… all I can do is t-to feed on someone- either when I choose, or…"

"Or you won't get the chance to choose." Willow finished, certain of the veracity of her statement, but still watching until Tara nodded, biting her lip.

"She said if I were to… use someone n-now, I wouldn't hurt them. Not permanently." Tara said slowly, the price that the words exacted on her conscience clear in the misery they held. Her head hung, "She couldn't believe that Buffy was alive. She kept asking who I'd killed…"

Maybe it was a good thing to have sent the Slayer to Tara after all. Death defying and getting over it quickly were big features of that package. Then Willow realized what Tara couldn't bring herself to ask.

"You can… feed on someone, if it's soon-ish, safely?" The redhead held her breath as she waited for the answer. Tara still wouldn't look at her, but nodded, flushing pink. Willow couldn't stop the licentious grin that crept up, teasing, "Are you propositioning me, Miss Maclay?"

Tara's eyes flashed up in dismay, "No- not- if you don't- I mean- it's weird and wrong a-and I don't really know what’s going to happen, but…"

"Tara. It has to be someone. I may be biased, but I really hope that someone is me- cuz otherwise we will be having a long and serious discussion about rousing the jealousy of green-eyed redheads and the catastrophic consequences that can result." She pulled the pendant string off, letting it dangle from the charm in her hand.

"Will-"

"As long as I get a healthy dose of energy-producing activity, I think we can come to an understanding." Willow hoped the flirtation would at least coax a grin out of her girlfriend, but was disappointed. Planned snugglies with a defined purpose was wigging Tara- which needed to be addressed. She held up the charm, "Look. Superego talking- Id sitting this one out. You're worried about me. I get that. I can worry about me just fine on my own, though. If you can decide that it's worth the risk to go see some shady succubus we know nothing about- don't I get a say in my risks?" Willow frowned at her own logic for a moment, "although the reassurances we're working from are also coming from said shady succubus."

"I trust what she says." Tara reasserted. "I don't like what she says... but I trust her."

"You're a better judge of people than anyone I know, so I'm going to assume that you're right. What did Jean say would happen to me?" Define the terms, Rosenberg, then break down the argument- just like debate- which had sucked, after Cordelia had gotten her all flustered and run her position into the ground without a single factual statement to back her up and… and back on topic now.

"She said… so long as I-I 'did things properly', they'd feel like they'd been hit by a truck. Lose a day or two of work, maybe. Feel 'off' for a few more days…" Tara refused to look at her, fiddling with something from the top of her bookshelf.

"Not unmanageable." Willow quickly sifted through her mental schedule for the next few days. There was note-service available for most of her classes, though missing lab on Tuesday would be a bit of a problem... and why exactly was she thinking about this at all? Tara needed her. End of story. "I'll deal with it."

"This isn't minor, Will- we're talking days. Plural. And… what if she's wrong?" Tara looked back worriedly.

"Either way- do you wanna go find a waiter instead?" Willow challenged gently, eyebrow raised.

"God- no." Tara's eyes widened in shock.

"Then… what's to decide?"

"It's just- I need you to know what you're getting in to."

"I think I have a veeeery good idea of what I'm getting in to." With a lascivious turn to her words, Willow made very clear what she was referring to.

"Will- be serious." Tara's voice hardened in a way that Willow had never heard. Pissed-Off-Tara was a new experience- one that she could do without. Evasive maneuvers had been unsuccessful… next idea?

"I just don't see the problem." Her next words were plaintive, bewildered. Big moral conundrum in the bigger picture, but if rehashing it wasn't going to change their course of action, why go through it now?

"The problem…" As quickly as it had appeared, the anger dissolved into helpless frustration. It was only marginally more tolerable. "The problem is that when you touch me- when I touch you- I don't want it to be as a-a demon and a victim. I don't want to turn what we have into-to some kind of mechanism to use you."

Willow turned it over in her mind. Yes, seeing the problem. It was the big 'making love versus having sex' discernment- no small thing, for either of them. Again, though, her point of view was pretty simple; Tara. Willow. In love. Consensual naughtiness was never going to be meaningless in that scenario, whatever baggage it happened to carry. Now it was just a matter of showing Tara that. Willow's mind raced for a method to communicate that simplest of concepts.

"Well, schedules- fundamentally never a bad thing, as far as I'm concerned." Tara's face was tensing again at Willow's words and the redhead shifted tactics immediately, "Tara, look at it this way- couples trying to have kids use schedules all the time. Does that make what them any less in love with each other? Does it devalue what they're doing, just because there's another purpose?"

"This isn't about creating something, Will- this is about taking."

"When something is given freely, it's not taking. It's accepting." If she had thought it would make a difference, she would have asked Tara to look at it from her side. Somehow she doubted Tara would think any differently than what Willow did… but she was the one who could have handled this conversation. The redhead had the feeling that her skills at allaying Tara's misgivings were about as effective as shooting spit-wads at a battleship. Her girlfriend was just watching her now, internally processing but still as closed and conflicted as when she had walked in the room. The silence lengthened.

"Tonight- we can have tonight… but there will be other nights." Tara's eyes were moist and she leaned back against her bookshelf as if too tired to stand alone, "the rest of my life…"

"I'm not going anywhere, Tara." Willow reasserted. Tara just shook her head, bowed again between her hunched shoulders. There was more to this story and all the redhead could do was wait for it. It didn't take long.

"You can't. Even if that's what we want… no matter how careful we are, eventually I'd kill you." Willow noticed the exposed tip of Tara's tail cease its agitated sweeping, a motion so constant that it's termination was what brought attention to it.

"Another one of Jean's fun-filled facts?" She asked bitterly. She'd seen the succubus all of ten minutes the night before, but there was a burgeoning hatred that was starting to wend its way into what had started as simple suspicion.

"It's what we are." Tara replied simply.

"She knows this- beyond any doubt? All succubi are the same? There's a guide book or something?" Willow started pacing. For as long as she could, she would take whatever risk necessary, but at some point Tara would be the one to withdraw- Willow could predict that as easily as a traffic jam on the 405 interchange. In her place, Willow would do the same.



TBC
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It's not a good place to break, I know, but the conversation goes on for a good while longer and i didn't want to make folks wait for the whole thing.
Chat 2/21/10 at 8:45pm

[leonhart17]

aww :( poor girls... I'm super sad for them... You're doing a great job of conveying their frustration...because I know I was getting frustrated reading it....

[Zampsa1975]

Yay for great update-y goodness... I truly truly hope that the Scoobies very soon find a way for Tara to feed on Willow without eventually killing her and not putting Willow out of commission for few days after each feeding... I guess a very extreme way for Tara to feed for the few days is to go back "home" and feed on her "father", Donny & Beth...

[spells42]

How lovely to get an update!

this is really hard on Tara. It's hard on Willow too, but Tara feels the guilt (because she's the sort of person who would) of being the demon, the source of the problem. I hope her solution isn't to run away ... Maybe they can find some magic solution to her demon-ness.

btw, I liked your explanation of why an otherwise technologically advanced person like Willow wouldn't have a cell phone, and have insisted all the Scoobies had one.

Can't wait to see what happens next.
Anne

[SJ]

Great update.