by kisstheviolets » Fri Feb 22, 2008 5:32 pm
i'm filled with a general sense of dread (and nausea!). i'm meeting the girl for drink in an hour and am trying to psych myself up to have a talk with her about things - where they are and where they are going. neither of those questions seem to have very promising responses right now, but i need to confirm that with her so i stop feeling like i'm in limbo. things have been strange for the past couple of weeks and i think she's made someone else her main squeeze (we'd agreed to see other people for the past two months, but the understanding was that we were each primary to each other - and for the most part we saw each other that there wasn't time for anyone else. that has changed recently)). i definitely feel secondary and think i've reached the point where that arrangement no longer works for me. i understand if she isn't ready to be exclusive, but i am too into her at this point to share anymore. the thought just hurts me too much. so i am trying to summon all the strength and courage i have to mean it when i tell her that i'm bailing if she's not ready to commit. i always sacrifice my feelings for everyone else's and i really need to not do that now.
ETA: i went, i drank, i disclosed my feelings. it was horrible, and intense, and full of crying in the street (her more so than me) and while she assured me that there was no one she wanted to see more than me, she did admit that she had been pulling back subconsciously lately and could not promise me anything right now or commit in any way because it just freaks her out too much. sigh. i couldn't bail. i just couldn't. i don't know where that leaves us. she had plans, of course, so we finished kind of abruptly.
Last edited by
kisstheviolets on Fri Feb 22, 2008 10:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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