Title:
„What Dreams may Come”
Author:
Dax
Category:
Alternate Reality; Alternate Continuation; “She’ll be back – folks!!!”
Ratting:
PG
Disclaimer:
Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all related characters are registered trademarks of 20th Century Fox Film Corporation.
The song “Lilly’s Eyes”, from “The Secrete Garden – a Musical” book and lyrics by Marsha Norman; Music by Lucy Simon, based on the novel by Frances Hadgson Burnett. – Excerpts are taken from the original London cast recording, Copyright 2001, Royal Shakespeare Company.
The characters of Emma Rusche and Lucimar Streubel, come courtesy of the novel: “Emma’s Story” by Miriam Münterfering – copyright 2006 by Verlagsgruppe Lübbe GmbH & Co. Kg, Bergisch Gladbach Germany
Summary:
It has been four and a halve years since a stray bullet had taken Tara Maclay away from Willow Rosenberg, and three and a halve years since their victory over the First, witch had destroyed the whole of Sunnydale.
Living now in Great Britain’s capital London, Willow is about to discover that her last encounter with Tara in a dream, about four years ago, was more then just a dream. And that maybe, just maybe Tara is not gone so far away as she’s been told.
Surprises, Revelations & Strange Encounters
Being the first part of “What Dreams may Come”
“To die to sleep. To sleep.
Perchance to dream. I, there’s the rub.
For in this sleep of death, what dreams may come if we have
shovelled off this mortal coil must give us pause.”
Hamlet
Act III, Scene I
William Shakespeare
Willow’s green eyes where fixated upon dark blue – could it be?
The other woman, she could see, was startled too.
She’d turned pale the moment she’d first glanced into Willow‘s face and now very much looked like she’d just seen a ghost.
“Wil.. Willow?” she asked with a painfully familiar stutter.
“Tara?” Willow asked weakly.
Ten Days Earlier
“And call me as soon you are home, you hear!” Willow reminded her best friend and her sister for the about 10th time, “and don’t mind the time deference.”
The Summers girls were standing together with Willow, Emma and Lu at the entrance to International Departures, Terminal 5 of London Heathrow International Airport, ready to depart for their British Airways non-stop flight to San Francisco, their home for the past two and a half years.
Buffy & Dawn had spend the last two weeks with Willow in London over the Christmas holidays.
“I promise I will call, mom”, Buffy said with a mock grin on her face. “But you know, if you don’t let us go soon, we’ll miss our flight all together.”
“Ok, ok”, the redhead laughed and hugged her best friend goodbye, before she turned to Dawn. “And next time Dawny, you bring your boyfriend Owen, after all you’ve told me of him, I’m dying to meet him.”
She gave Dawn a bears hug, while Emma turned from Buffy to Dawn and said: “Makes you glad she’s gay, doesn’t it?” With that she earned herself a friendly jibe to her side from Willow’s elbow, nevertheless Dawn agreed with her and gave her a goodbye hug too.
Even though the Summer’s sisters had only meet Willow’s new friends one week earlier, when she and her partner Lucimar – Lu for short, had come to London; they already liked the two German woman as much as Willow did.
Then it was finally time to part and so the Slayer assigned to San Francisco and her sister started to make their way through the controls. But not without Willow calling after them: “Don’t forget to call! I won’t sleep until you do!”
She turned around to see both Emma and Lu smiling brightly at her. “What?” she asked somewhat distracted.
“You know”, Emma said with her distinct but quiet charming German accent, “if wasn’t already head over heals in love with my Lu, your special babble mode would make me fall for you upon the instance.
“Saved by the bell,” Lu told her girlfriend and gave her quick kiss.
Willow took up position between the beautiful Emma and Lu, who born in Brazil had lived in Germany ever since she’d been adopted at age ten; and they started to make their way to the Heathrow Express Station.
Two and a halve hears ago, they had been victoriously in their fight over “The First”.
But that victory had come with a prize. Anya, and some of the newly empowered slayers had died in that last heroic battle.
Spike had fallen too, sacrificing himself in order to close the hell mouth for good. Well at least this particular hell mouth. And of course Sunnydale.
Sunnydale too had been the price they had to pay, for their victory.
Because all that was left of the town that had been Willow’s home, ever since she’d been born, was a big gapping crater.
But Sunnydale had been more then just a town, into witch she’d been born, and where she’d spent most of her life.
It had been the town where she’d meet and fallen in Love with Tara. The place were she had lost and buried Tara.
Now she no longer even had the place, where to mourn for her beloved girlfriend any more.
It was a loss that hurt almost as much as the loss of Tara.
It seamed that by loosing Tara, Sunnydale and Tara’s grave; Willow had lost her roots, her place in the new world she’d helped to created. She drifted aimlessly through the following month.
Though she successfully completed her college education in San Francisco, where she had gone together with Buffy, Dawn, Xander and Miss Kitty Fantastico, she felt restless and not a home in the city by the bay, not even with her best friends Buffy, Dawn and Xander.
And so, following her graduation from college, Willow decided that she needed some real time out to find herself again; and set out for a round trip through Europe.
She would never be able to tell why, but when, following a lengthy stay with Giles in the English Country, she travelled to London, that upon arriving in the capitol of the United Kingdom, she suddenly felt at peace with herself again.
Standing in the middle of Trafalgar Squar, Willow knew without a single doubt in her mind, that this buzzing city, could become the home, she’d lost when Sunnydale had been destroyed.
The rest then went very fast.
With the help of Giles’ contacts, within the British authorities she got the necessary papers to stay and work in Great Britain. And while she build her new life, she came to another conclusion, and that was that here in London, she might actually be happy again.
Together with Emma and Lu Willow entered the Heathrow Express inbound for Paddington Station in Central London. They found themselves a place with a table in the first class, and sat down Willow at one side and Emma & Lu at the other.
“So what are your plans for the rest of the day?” Willow asked her German friends, “After all the day’s still young!”
“Well Lu insist on us visiting Green Park,” Emma said. “Because that’s the only park we haven’t seen yet. But if you ask me,” she added with a sceptical side look at her partner. “It’s because of all dogs that, according to you, are there to play and train with there owners. You know one week without the dogs and she’s suffering from withdrawal pains.”
“Look who’s talking!” Lucimar cried out, with all of her Brazilian temper colouring her voice. “Don’t believe her Willow! She misses our dogs as much as I do. Why, ever since we moved together into that fabulous flat just outside town, Kaspar behaves like he’s her dog and never has been my dog at all.
On that now Emma protested and Willow watched the two German love birds quarrel lovingly over the three dogs (!) that Lu had brought into their relationship. Willow’s mind drifted back a year or so when she’d meet these lovely lesbian ladies for the first time.
Willow had been on the last leg of a round trip through Germany. She’s started out in Hamburg and then went to see city’s like Berlin, Dresden, Leipzig, and Munich.
Eventually she came to a part of Germany, know as the “Ruhrpott”, here in a city named Bochum she went to a so called “Frauenschwof” – basically a Disco full with German lesbians – to have herself a “gay old time”, and to practice a little more on her German.
So Willow was dancing and chatting with some lovely German ladies, when she literally became aware of Emma entering the disco.
Because without a doubt, she was the most beautiful woman Willow had ever seen in her live. Expect of course Tara – but then she was unique in more then just her looks.
Even though she was in no way looking for a new love, not to mention a relationship, she felt herself drawn to this beautiful woman and her Brazilian girlfriend, who she meet and liked in due course.
They spent a wonderful evening together and in the end, Willow extended her stay for another three days and returned to London with Lu and Emma’s home- and Email address and the promise that they would visit her in London the next summer.
“Hey dreamer”, Lu said into Willow’s ear. “Unless you’re planning on travelling back to Heathrow, we really should be leaving the train before long.”
Willow looked out of the window. Paddington Station, indeed and so she Emma and Lu stood up and left the train.
“You could’ve said something”, Willow complained, while they left the Station and walked the short distance between “Paddington” and the “Lancaster Gate” tube station, “it’s impolite for the host to be daydreaming while travelling with her guests.”
“Oh that’s completely ok”, Emma assured Willow, giving her girlfriend a sweet assuring smile. “You’re cute when you’re dreaming.”
“Plus it gave us, the opportunity to do some kissing,” Lucimar added with a suggestive grin.
“So we will see each other tomorrow afternoon?” Willow asked as they were sitting in the Central Line train, rapidly approaching Willow’s destination.
“Of course, how could we forget,” Emma assured her and Lu went on, “five a clock sharp for some light lunch at your place, and then ‘We Will Rock You’, at the Dominion Theatre. The real highlight to end our stay with you here in London.”
They both smiled brightly at Willow, who was getting up to her feet as the train just entered her destination: ‘Holborn Station’.
“So I see the two of you tomorrow”. Willow said and kissed her friends goodbye upon their cheeks and left the train.
Willow first shopped for some necessities and after a short stop at her very own computer store at Sicilian Avenue: “Freedom Rings Computers Inc.” for a short talk with her manager, she walked strait home.
Ever since she’d moved to London, Willow lived in an small apartment at Bloomsbury Squar, overlooking the Bloomsbury Squar Garden. It wasn’t a huge place, but it had all Willow needed. A bathroom with a bathtub (very important!), a adequate bedroom, and a living room with an stove fireside.
But most importantly for Willow and the only reason for her to rent this apartment in the first place, this apartment had a quiet roomy kitchen, with an old wooden dinner table standing prominently right in the middle.
At this table she entertained friends with a good home cooked dinner – having, thanks to some
cooking courses, turned out quiet an exceptional cook.
She did most of her work at this table as well.
The necessary paperwork for Freedom Rings Computers Inc., of course, but Willow also worked as a freelance programmer slash problem solver for big companies. For that she had her laptop set-up at the rear end of the table and connected via a broadband connection, to write complex computer programs or to locate and eliminate bugs out of existing programs.
She also managed the Watchers Council’s financial affairs, from her kitchen.
It had been Giles who after returning to England, had taken on the enormous task of rebuilding as well as reorganizing the council, in order to find and train the newly empowered slayers around the world.
And Willow hat turned out very successful in managing the Council’s impressive portfolio of real estate and deposit accounts.
Of course she wasn’t as successful as Anya might have been, because the former demon really knew how to make money. Even though she’d seemed needy and shallow at times, Willow had learned that she had a really good heart.
Willow missed her as much as she missed all the other potentials that fell in the big fight against The First Evil.
But most of all she would always miss Tara and even though they say, that time heals all wounds, this was one that would never heal.
Because Tara was and always would be the true love of her life, her soul mate.
How could anyone ever take Tara’s place at her side?
Upon arriving at her home, Willow was greeted by her two housecats, Miss Cleo and Miss Trixi Fantastico.
It was because of the strict quarantine laws concerning bringing pets into the United Kingdom, that a still quiet healthy Miss Kitty lived with Buffy in San Francisco ever since.
Willow played a while with her two pets, then prepared their foot and after having a small snack herself, sat down in front of her computer to work on a particular nasty bug within an incredibly boring “evaluating insurance program.”
Hours later she’d finally defeated that bug and shutting down her laptop, she sat down in her living room with a good book and a glass of wine to await Buffy’s and Dawn’s call.
After it came late at night, Willow went to sleep, with Miss’s Trixi and Cleo sleeping soundly at her feet.
“Miss Rosenberg? Dr. Pulaski will see you now”, the nurse said and lead Willow into the doctors office. “Thank you”, Willow replied and took her seat while the nurse left the office again.
Following yet another week of morning sickness, she had made an appointment with her physician at the nearby University Hospital.
Willow did not like being sick and seldom ever had been ill before.
And she especially had never been sick before, she had no trouble flying or travelling by ship even at high see and so the past days had made her feel rather obnoxious
“So Miss Rosenberg”, said Doctor Kathryn Pulaski, as she entered her office, “lets have a look at your test results.” She took a seat behind her desk and quickly scanned through the file, placed on the desk by the nurse, when she’d lead Willow into the office.
“Well looks all fine to me”, Dr. Pulaski said and took of her glasses. “You’re in absolutely good shape and there’s nothing wrong with you. All perfectly normal”, she concluded holding her glasses in a very Giles like manner.
“Doesn’t feel like perfectly normal to me”, Willow said rather crossly, “to begin almost each and every morning in the last week by kneeling down to the ‘Lou‘. No, I really don’t find it perfectly normal at all!”
“I promise you it will go away very soon”, Dr. Pulaski assured her rather doubtful looking patient. “It usually does.”
“And why’s that?” the young redhead demanded to know, her temper threatening to get the better of her. She couldn’t help it, but her physician saying that this was all perfectly normal and would soon be over without an explanation, made her furious.
“Well isn’t it obvious?” Dr. Pulaski said and put her glasses away. “You’re pregnant.”
That revelation successfully cooled down Willow’s fury within an instance and probably for the first time in her life, the young woman didn’t know what to say.
How could she be pregnant?
She was gay, she hadn’t slept with a man again, since Oz and that was many years ago. Even the last sex with another woman had been years ago.
Not that this was of any importance here.
Then suddenly a memory entered into Willow’s mind. A memory connected with Tara visiting her in a dream, shortly after she’d returned from England.
“All I would ask is … – … care for the child of our love”, Willow whispered to herself.
“What?” asked Dr. Pulaski.
“Oh nothing”, Willow answered absentmindedly.
How could she ever explain to her doctor, that she’d magically received the child from her dead girlfriend, almost three years ago in a dream.
And there could be no doubt about that, Willow knew, remembering now clearly Tara’s hand resting over her belly near the end of that special dreamy visit of hers.
“It’s just”, Willow said, struggling hart to find the right words. “I’d almost given up hope, that I would ever have a child.”
True, after all she’d been dreaming of having a child with Tara, magically of course. But that dream died with her in her arms.
“Well, Miss Rosenberg you know the saying. When you’re at least expect it…” Dr. Pulaski said.
“Please call me Willow.”
“Ok Willow”, Dr. Pulaski said, “I have Nurse Rose give you some of the usual basic information materials, you know like ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting’ and then you should make a appointment with Professor Schwarz, you know she’s the expert here when it comes to having babies.
“And now I’m afraid you’ll have to excuse me, I’ll have some other patients to see. But you can call me any time.”
With that she left the office, but not without shaking Willow’s hand first and wishing her all the best for her pregnancy.
Moments later, with the informational material in her hand, Willow was on her way to the office of Prof. Schwarz to make her next appointment.
However, the University Hospital of London is quiet a big place and with an sizable emotional storm raging in Willow’s mind, she soon lost her way completely and wandered aimlessly through the sheer endless hallways.
“Excuse me Miss”, a friendly female voice said behind Willow, who was completely lost in her thoughts, “but this is the Neo-natal-intensive-care unit. I’m afraid you’re not aloud inhere.”
Willow stopped dead in her tracks.
She certainly had never heard this voice before in her life, but at the same time, the particular way this woman spoke sounded so very familiar.
Willow slowly turned around to face the woman who had addressed her. A young doctor she saw, dressed in blue surgical garb, probably a surgeon.
She’d never seen her before, Willow knew.
But at the same time she felt like she ought to know her. She had short blond hair, fair skin, all in all a good-looking face, but then Willow became aware of her dark blue eyes.
Willow’s green eyes where fixated upon those dark blue eyes – could it be?
The young woman was startled too. She’d turned pale the moment she’d first glanced into Willow‘s face and now she looked very much like she’d just seen a ghost.
“Will.. Willow?” she asked with a painfully familiar stutter.
“Tara?” Willow asked weakly.
Then the ground beneath her gave way, and with all around her turning into darkness Willow fell unconsciously right into the arms of the young blond doctor.
****
Strangely quieted,
I fear the storm simply waits, to strike again.
Something stirs me to thing of her, I think of her.
Strange this woman, she wonders in, where myself may fear to go.
Something stirs me to thing of her, I think of her.
From death she cast’s her spell.
All night I hear her sighs.
And now a girl has come, who has her eyes.
She has her eyes,
The girl has Tara’s dark blue eyes.
Those eyes that saw me happy long ago.
Those eyes that gave me life and hope I’d never known.
How can I see this girl and miss those dark blue eyes
She has her eyes,
The girl has Tara’s dark blue eyes.
Those eyes that closed and left me all alone.
Those eyes I fear will never ever let me go.
How can I see this girl who has her dark blue eyes.
In Tara’s eyes a castle our house seemed to be.
And I her gayest knight became,
My Lady Fair was she.
She has her eyes.
She has my Tara’s dark blue eyes.
Those eyes that ought to love me, no one else
These eyes there, never saw me.
Never knew I longed.
To hold her close.
To live and last in Tara’s eyes.
Image me a lover.
I longed for the day,
She turned and see me standing there,
Would god had let her stay.
She has her eyes,
She has my Tara’s dark blue eyes.
Those eyes that saw me happy long ago.
How can I now forget,
That ones I dared to be in love,
Alive and whole,
In Tara’s eyes.
In Tara’s eyes!