by CrazyTaraWitch » Sat Jun 07, 2008 9:45 pm
I finally cried tonight. In the middle of my party, I simply broke down. Today was simply far too hard. I hated it. I would never say that to any of them, especially my Gram, but I hate this damn day. I enjoyed my friends tonight, the brief space of time I was with them and didn't have to think about what today meant or the fact that it all eyes were on me, and the time at my aunt & uncles was mostly okay, but...There were hugs, and presents, and 'Congratulations', and pictures, and I hated every single bit of it. I wasn't strong enough for today, and I barely made it through. I sat in my room and cried, then banished the tears, wiped my face, and 5 minutes later broke down again. Today was horrible, the start of a new chapter in my life that will never be what I want. It will never be right, and today was a reminder of all that is terribly, terribly wrong.
I gave away my cap & gown as soon as I could, so I would never see the reminders of my high school graduation day.
I will go to bed, and when I wake up tomorrow will be a new, less awful day. I will heal, someday.
Just not today.
"To days to come."
"All my love to long ago.
I hope, we'll have more happy ever after
I hope, we can all live more fearlessly...
~Jas