A Moment of Truth

[jay/wt4evr]

I texted her last night and asked her not to reply back cause I'm stupid. Who does that? I shouldn't have said anything. that'd be a lie.

Oh, I do that too, don't worry, you're not retarded. Unless I am, then that'd be a problem.

My moment. I like her. In a I-wanna-jump-your-bones way. But in a I-wanna-take-care-of-you-forever way. See? I'm retarded.

[Millerchip77]

I think that too...I am just about to start my last (funded) year of my PhD. Not only is it making me wake up in the middle of the night bacuse I constantly think I haven't done enough, I also, and this is the bit I don't say, I feel like a fraud. Like I'm not really qualified or not smart enough.

Oh la la...

[Kessari]

WEEKEND BABY!!! This feels soooo good!

[hondos]

I am the queen of saying the wrong things at the wrong times...

[sweet satin lover]

I miss Rosie.

[Gatito Grande]

So, I'm STILL obsessing about my (no longer) Secret Crush---the one I last spoke about here: http://thekittenboard.com/board/viewtopic.php?p=412027#412027

After not hearing from her for a month, I wrote her "one last time." About a week after that---when I'm really resolved I'll never hear from her again---she sends me a sort of generic "spammy" email. So I send a sort of generic "spammy" reply.

Then, she writes me for real. Yes, she'd seen my earlier (impassioned! ) emails. Yes, she's thinking of me. Yes, she's been too stressed (technical difficulties, plus she's moving across country in a couple of weeks) to reply. Yes, she promises me she's REALLY going to respond to me, SOON.

Sigh.

I want to get my hopes up . . . and to some extent, I have.

But at the same time, I still don't really believe this is Going Anywhere. I mean, MAYBE if we can arrange to live in the same (or adjoining?) area codes . . . or at least the same Time Zone! Then, M~A~Y~B~E, something COULD happen. But more likely, not.

GG Sigh. Out

I still can't stop thinking about her, though... (I'm probably being a masochist! )

[umgaynow]

I don't know who is more determined to make us miserable...my mother or her daughter

[Leaf]

I really don't want to go.

[Kessari]

Did you ever miss someone you don't even know? This feels kinda ... I don't know... strange.
Right now I feel really lonely and would just love to talk to her... Guess it's not gonna happen. I'm not even exciting to talk to...
Well, I just gonna stop checking my mails for now and try to be patient... Maybe I should just go to bed and sleep. Feels like I didn't sleep in ages or am I just getting old?

Kat

Yes, I know I should stop feeling sorry for myself, but somehow I just can't - not today anyway!

[Kessari]

I'm getting old and I think I'm turning into a stalker or a maniac...

[thiswomanswork]

Today I'll know for sure one way or the other... but I think I'm going to lose. I really do. :(

[LesbianJedi87]

Saying things like, "You're still my type!" cut's to my very core.
I hate the way everything affects me. Like I'll never be competent AGAIN. Or sane. Or normal. Or well...ME again.

[Lifty]

Ok, I just need to be honest with myself...it is not normal for your mum to throw a knife at you. I really have to stop pretending none of this is happening and face her...just wish I had someone by my side to do it with me

[Millerchip77]

Lifty, that is definately not a 'normal' thing for a mother to do...My partner has, shall we say, a difficult mother - her mom stole her identity and then commited many crimes in her name. I know it's hard but try to be strong - sometimes you reach a point where enough is enough and you walk away.

[Kessari]

*sending all the hugs in the world to Lifty* Be strong!!!!!


I feel like someone is constantly breaking my jaw...My knees hurt, my hip kills me and I just want to feel nothing! My supervisor makes me work, even though I can NOT think straight (maybe cuz I am not ) and tells me she will kick me out if I do not show up (I'm still on probationary period for another 2 months). I HATE this job! .... Someone save me! Please!

[Kessari]

Oh, yay! My doc just called and I'll be going to the hospital tomorrow. YAY... Hope they will do something effective. Wish me luck

[sweet satin lover]

Oh, yay! My doc just called and I'll be going to the hospital tomorrow. YAY... Hope they will do something effective. Wish me luck

Goodluck! I hope all will be fine and will be sending warm wishes to you

I so need a new computer

[Kessari]

I so need a new computer

I have one standing here I do not need anymore (and it works and has really good hardware and stuff. Kinda put it together myself) Want me to ship it to you?

Where are my manners, d'oh? Thanks for the warm wishes and stuff...

[Lifty]

Thanks guys. Appreciated! And good luck Kat! Hope everything goes well

[Kessari]

You are very much welcome! Thanks for all the good-luck-wishing. Hope that will work


Oh and I think someone should open a "COFFEE THREAD"!

[sweet satin lover]

You are very much welcome! Thanks for all the good-luck-wishing. Hope that will work


Oh and I think someone should open a "COFFEE THREAD"!

What kind of coffee thread? I lov coffee too, tonight I had a choc mocha frappe it was delicious!

My moment: I wish I had enough cash to travel across all of America, it feels weird but it just feels like home to me.

[gorn]

If there were a Coffee Thread, I'd probably never post in the "What are you eating/drinking?" thread ever again ...

[woahnellie]

wow maybe i am stronger than i thought or maybe i needed to take my anger out on something. and yes my tv was the first thing that pissed me off today and the stupid company i purchased it from so it paid. not that it helped the situation or my hand but it felt DAMN GOOD ( well maybe my knuckles hurt a little)

[Gatito Grande]

So, here's where things stand between me and (No Longer) Secret Crush:

I did something nice for her. I entered her into a contest . . . which she won (tickets to an event---a long ways from where I am ).

In response, she sent me the following:

OH MY GOD. this is amazing. thank you so much, [my name]. . . . thank you, lovely [my nickname] {wink} you're ever the gentleman, you know. i am truly honored to be the recipient of your affection.

[some other stuff in her life---mainly difficulties] i am really not looking forward to this [difficulty]. but the end [result]--and these lovely [prize event]--are a definite incentive to buckle down and deal with the onerous task of [difficulty]. once again, thank you so much for nominating me, [my name]!

and yes, it would have been great to go together [to event].

Re "a gentleman": she knows I ID as genderqueer, and precisely how much this means to me.

So, whadday'all think? Am I making headway with her? Or is this a case of "just as a friend"?

GG I hope, I hope, I hope...the former! Out

Now: back to looking for work---esp. work which will take me to (at least) the same TIMEZONE as where Secret Crush will be!

[Gatito Grande]

...of course, once I've written her back (as I have), then I'm on pins&needles, waiting (hoping, praying ) for a reply.

GG Please, JW, write me back soon! Out

[thiswomanswork]

In my heart, I'm still completely hers. The very moment it feels like it could really work, I'm going to woo her and win her back.

...of course, it will be some months before such a moment could occur, and a lot could happen to ruin this plan... but gods, I hope not!

[LesbianJedi87]

I'm going to admit that's it's a crush (which is interesting as I really haven't had a CRUSH on someone in oh....four years.). Nothing else and definatly nothing more. There. I feel better!

[love_2003]

I have a secret desire to punch something and get rid of all this negative pent up energy.

[Kessari]

This is really strange and I think I said it some time before, but well my thoughts were/still are with someone I don't even really know all week. When I've been crying my eyes out and no one wanted to help me, the only thing making me hold on was her. I think I'd do almost anything to have her with me right now... Why is life so freaking unfair?

[CrazyTaraWitch]

I didn't know if this day would come, but I'm ready to be back, or at least to try.
My life, my heart, and my head have all been crazy lately. There's so much I want to say to her but don't know how; sometimes I don't think I even understand it myself. I hope she knows I still care even though I've been keeping my distance. I think I'm scared of truly falling for her. I can't be in another one-sided hopeless relationship. I can't afford to have my heart broken again...
But I'm here. I'm trying to heal, trying to be me again. I hope she can see that and try to understand why I may not keeping up contact right now...I just wish my life could make sense again.