A Moment of Truth

[CrazyTaraWitch]

I'm scared.
I don't even know what of, but I'm terrified.

[Dorothy]

*big, big hug*
being scared is no fun, it's even worse when you don't know what you're scared of
*another big hug*

[Lifty]

I'm scared.
I don't even know what of, but I'm terrified.

Is it the strange man outside your window? Don't worry, you have magic powers remember? You'll be fine

[Willowtree252]

Well this last week our lifes changed My 20 year old son made a bad mistake at Megans and she threw him out faced with no where to go and the strong reality of sleeping in a ditch. We took him in we live in a 501 sq foot apartment for loving woman that is fine add another and it sucks not to mention I have had to stop alot of my relaxing ways. We are coming to grips with this as we speak and are looking for a larger place. He must help us pay for by the way. Now lets talk about Sandi she never wanted children but my god she is amazing at it I am so happy that she is handling this so well but that is not suprizing she is an amazing woman after all. Wyatt even said he has the best 2 moms in the world made me feel great. I am at a point where I just want us to be us but sometimes things make it where it cant be. I dont know how things will turn out but I do know my roll in all this I cant help it. Its who I am. also I am proud its who she is it only serves to make me love her more if that is possible.

[Kessari]

Sometimes I don't know how to handle all of this. I'm awake every single night and if I sleep (for maybe 2 hours) there are nightmares, that scare the living daylight out of me... I'm awake since saturday 7:00 after two hours of sleeping, since my neighbours had the loudest party ever. I don't want to face people at work in a few hours. God, the last 3 weeks have been strange, scary, absolutely awful, but also really awesome at times. I wish I knew, what to do...

[Sandman78]

I'm starting to regret my haircut.

[CrazyTaraWitch]

I don't know what to do or how to feel.

[Dorothy]

lost years can't be brought back, memories can't be erased

[JujuDeRoussie]

lost years can't be brought back, memories can't be erased

But we can learn from them and improve. Like the struggling butterfly gets strong through its struggling.

[Dorothy]

Julia not only reads my blogs... but remembers them too :O

[JujuDeRoussie]

Julia not only reads my blogs... but remembers them too :O

Should have I warn you? I LOVE to read people's blog, and well... I remember smart things! ^^

[taraslove]

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[Willowtree252]

My father has hurt me and my children for the last time I told him yesterday that I hope his new love can take care of him when he gets down like mother cause I am out I wont do it good ol Dianne will have a closed door this time. I did it for Mother even after all the years of abuse but not for him you cant hurt my Children and expect me to have a any compasion at all.

[Dorothy]

Seeing my sister so terrified and not being allowed to do anything really breaks me... some people should NOT be parents!

[CrazyTaraWitch]

I feel you Dorothy, my sister's having an awful time right now, and while for her it's not the fault of the parents they are like usual only making things worse. And there's absolutely nothing I can do, to help her or make them see what they're doing to her. She does not need their bullshit right now.

[Lifty]

I am bloody terrified by the state of the bushfires now. Entire towns have been reduced the ash. Over 100 people dead and still counting. All those people left homeless and without belongings...it scares the shit out of me. I feel so bad for everyone who's been affected by the fires.

[Dorothy]

*big hug*
Only thing we can do is be there in case we're needed...

[Millerchip77]

I am bloody terrified by the state of the bushfires now. Entire towns have been reduced the ash. Over 100 people dead and still counting. All those people left homeless and without belongings...it scares the shit out of me. I feel so bad for everyone who's been affected by the fires.

It's terrible mate. What I can't believe is that people would start these fires deliberately. Let's hope they get caught and charged with 100+ murders.

[Gatito Grande]

So, my (no longer) Secret Crush wrote me again (she writes me about 1 time for every 3 times I write her---and she only acknowledges the last time I wrote her, consistently. Ergo, if I write a long love letter---as I have---and then write a Wazzup email 2 weeks later, she'll only acknowledge the Wazzup email ).

After recounting various life, residence, work, and health difficulties, she came down to this:

i will be honest. i'm just a sad, tired girl right now, worn out from my history. i'm so worn that i don't know if i can ever love anyone again fully, with passion, with trust. i honestly don't think i can. i honestly feel that the things i've gone through in my life have made me give up on those things, on the idea of a future of love with someone else. every choice i've ever made in that arena has been the wrong one; every relationship i've ever been in has resulted in the other person turning away from me, choosing something else that doesn't consist of building a life with me.

right now, i don't have the strength or the fortitude needed to fight against that, to not let that history define me, and to wholly love and trust another. i just don't. not right now. i'm sorry.

My first reaction? So there isn't anyone else: Whew!

My second reaction is . . . geez, she's burnt-out. I don't know a fraction of what she's referring to (she hasn't written me enough for me to know ). But I do know she's awfully beaten down, for someone so (comparatively) young.

As you might be able to tell from my posting "An Innocent Man" (Billy Joel), on the Express Yourself Through Music thread, there's part of me that wants to reach out to her, in all her hurting places.

...but there's another part that says, I'm just in danger of becoming co-dependent here. Whatever her traumas, I can't save her. It would be harmful to my sanity, to try.

GG I honestly don't know what to do, or say. Any advice for me, O Wise in the Ways of Love Kittens? Out

[BentBrokenTheory]

Gatito: A jaded heart is a tough one to crack. In my opinion all you can really do is show her that you aren't like everyone else.

Topic: honestly wonder sometimes if she really loves me as much as I love her... I mean is she just with me for the security, the comfort(familiarity) and the awesome sex(which has been lacking of late, though our "lacking" is like instead of mind blowing its just been earth shattering )

Or does she really love me and all my flaws or does she just put up with them. She tells me shes in love with me, all the time but actions speak louder than words

[Dorothy]

@Gatito Grande:
Try to just be there, be obviously trustworthy but don't force yourself, don't cross your own borders. Just make sure crush knows you're there for her and that she can trust you and try to see where things go. Forcing could end up bad for the both of you.

on topic: I have to get out of bed, take care of some stuff... but that's what keeps me IN bed.

[Millerchip77]

GG I hate to say it but the last line of that e-mail she sent you seems to be an 'it's not you, it's me' type line, I agree with Dorothy - give her some space and see what happens. I'd let her approach you next time - no more love letters that don't get answered, respond to this last mail and then leave it a few weeks and just see if she gets back in touch with you.

[jay/wt4evr]

I have a fucked up mind. Whee, I said it.

[writerfreak]

My truest form of expression is my words. The words I am usually so proud to write, to give. I haven't had words real words other than the poems sent in a long time. The rest has just been drivel. Until tonight. And it took a stupid quote from a tv show I haven't watched in years. Since Addie was alive.

"I will think of him often, I will love him forever"

And I got some words back. Meaningless words that portray a depth of emotion I can't feel as it was never about me. I can write a poem, or start to, based on the emotion projected on a tv screen but I can't even begin to write a single line when it comes to expressing the depth of the emotion within me. That is so very sad.

writerfreak

[love_2003]

I want to get lost in my iTunes and forget about the paper that will be the death of me. Maybe I can go to bed early and just finish it tomorrow before class.

[taraslove]

And also, Valentine's Day can suck it.

[LesbianJedi87]

valentines day can indeed suck it! though being single for it after 3 years of...not being single for it makes me kind of....glad i'm bitter about it. There's a Left 4 Dead event going on that night anyway.

Back on topic....I'm listening to my ipod on shuffle and it starts playing a song I hadn't listened to in a good LONG while and it's making me nostalgic for all the fun times. I hate change.

[Gatito Grande]

I wanted to thank y'all who weighed re my romantic dilemmas vis-a-vis Secret Crush.

I still need to write her a longer email---which I will do soon---to respond to the issues she raised above.

...but, being the Romantic Sap I am, I did figure out a lil' sumthin' else to do---revolving around a Certain Day it is this Saturday [Date: 2/14!]

I'd been seeing the usual Valentine's ads, for jewelry and such. Not only is jewelry outside my (unemployed ) bank balance, but would also be inappropriate, I feel, for this stage in our relationship. And definitely lingerie would be inappropriate, also!

However, on the same page as lingerie in one of the ads I looked, something struck my eye. Something perfect. There, inexpensively priced were Valentine's themed socks . . . for someone (Secret Crush) who has COLD FEET!!! Ta-da!

GG The pair I chose additionally had a "Key to my " theme. Out

Go ahead: tell me I should forget her, and that there's "many more fish in the sea", yada-yada-yada. I *still* feel this is a relationship worth pursuing, and I'm giving my best effort!

[taraslove]

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[kisstheviolets]

i want to marry her and have perfect little babies with her. le sigh.