New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (FINISHED 6/9/19)

[taranwillow4ever]

Title: Meeting Expectations
Author: TaranWillow4Ever
Rating: PG-R for now
Disclaimer: Josh owns all of the characters, I just imagine other lives for them.
Spoilers: None
Feedback: Please
Thoughts in italics.

Note: This story contains elements of abuse - physical and emotional, that are either eluded to if not outright described. If anything of this sort bothers you, then please do not read this story

Meeting Expectations

Chapter One: The Maples

Tara

Tara was sitting in the living room when the girl came in with her parents. It seemed that the girl’s mother was asking lots of questions. Tara could see the anger boiling in the girl as she watched her mother’s interactions with distain. She was standing beside a piece of luggage staring at the floor, while the adults talked. Finally it appeared that the girl’s parents would be leaving. Tara watched the interaction between the girl and her mother with interest. There was a stiffness associated with both of their bodies as they hugged goodbye. This small act of intimacy, no matter how stilted, made Tara remember how she yearned to hug her mother goodbye one more time. She wondered if this girl knew how lucky she was to have two parents that cared enough to come see where she would be living.


Tara gave the new girl a few minutes to wipe the tears off her face and then she made eye contact with her. She was still standing against the wall, focusing all of her attention on her feet. Tara had felt that the other girls had not been very friendly to her on her first day, so she was trying to make this new girl feel welcome. Once she made eye contact, the girl smiled, and then went back to staring at her feet. Tara went up to her and introduced herself. When the girl looked up, she smiled. Tara was amazed by the brilliance of her green eyes. The girl, who introduced herself as Willow, found Tara’s blue eyes equally enchanting. Oh my god, she’s got to have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen they both thought. The two girls stood staring at each other for a few moments, and then Willow resumed her gaze at her feet. Tara had an equally difficult time looking people in the eye, so the two stood there, both looking at the floor.


A few minutes later, it was time to have lunch. Willow followed Tara into the line to go to the cafeteria. Tara attempted to engage Willow in conversation after they sat down at an uninhabited table, but Willow only answered with one word responses. Tara noted that Willow had taken a good amount of food, but that when it came down to eating, she had spread the food around the plate more than she had actually eaten it. Several times, she saw Willow take food off her plate and put it in the napkin on her lap.


Tara took a good look at the girl sitting across from her. She was dressed in fairly fashionable but gender neutral clothing. She was wearing baggy jeans, a large hooded sweatshirt, and sneakers. Her brilliant red hair was cut relatively short, and she had small gold posts in her ears. Tara was about to ask Willow a question, when an adult came up to their table. The adult made a comment about being glad that Willow had found some food that she liked. Willow just nodded and resumed pushing the food around. When they went to throw out their trays, Tara noticed, Willow put a napkin full of food into the garbage can. She had been hiding most of her lunch in the pouch of her sweatshirt. Willow caught Tara looking at her and mumbled, “You’re not going to rat me out are you.”


Tara mumbled back, “No, I don’t like the food either.”

They both noticed the adult looking at them, so they stopped talking and stood quietly in line.

They followed the line to the school room and Tara sat down in her seat and indicated to Willow that the desk adjacent to hers was available. Willow sat down and began staring at her fingernails. Tara noticed that her nails were very short and it appeared that Willow bit them. While she was waiting for the teacher to start talking, Tara saw a paper clip on the floor. She pretended to be getting a book, but she quickly pocketed the office supply. Tara felt relieved that she now had the object in her possession. She was in control.

The teacher called the class to order and then acknowledged Willow.

“Hi. I am Mr. Smith, and you are?”

“Willow Rosenberg” said the girl quietly.

“Well welcome Miss Rosenberg. What classes were you taking at your last school?”

Tara noticed that Willow’s body language became more assertive and confident as she told the man that she was taking English II, Pre-Calculus, Advanced Biology, and European History.

Tara was happy to see that finally there was another student in the class who was taking college prep courses. Tara’s mother had instilled a love of learning. She had told Tara that education was essential, and had told her to stay in school no matter what. Her sixteenth birthday was approaching and her father was pressuring her to drop out so that she could take care of the home full-time. Both her father and brother had dropped out at sixteen, and Mr. Maclay saw no need for any further education.


“W.w..well, the English and History should be no problem for us, but I hope you are good at learning from a book, I have not even done Pre-calculus since I was in high school, and anything beyond basic Biology is a mystery for me. Hopefully you and Ms. Maclay can work together on both classes.”

“I’m used to doing things on my own, just give me the books and I’ll be fine. I don’t need any help.”

“Ok, everyone else, take out your books and start your history assignments. Miss Rosenberg, why don’t you come along with me into the resource room and see if we have any copies of the books that you were using at your last school.”

Willow stood up and followed the teacher into the resource room. She returned quickly with three similar textbooks to the ones that Tara was already using. She sat down, opened the European History text and flipped to a chapter midway through the book.

Every once in a while, Tara would look over at the red haired girl to see if she could get another flash of the beautiful green eyes or her beautiful smile, but the girl was engrossed in her studies and didn’t seem to be aware of anything other than the book.

School ended quickly, and the girls lined up to return to their living area.

[Belli Bear]

ooOOoo intriguing... I cannot deny I'm very curious about what kind of school this actually is!

good job, yay for more!

[JujuDeRoussie]

Oh my. This is interesting as well.

I am very curious to read more. The institution/facility/center environment is promising. Plus, what is better than having a Willow or a Tara to get better? ^^

Tara's kelptomania isn't as worrisome as Willow's anorexia.

However, I am confused. Several time you refer to them as women, but their train of thoughts/level of studies indicate that they are high school students, and you mention to the persons "in charge" as "adults". Are they actually high school students (Tarais still 16, right? or was it just in the flashback?), or do they also suffer or a slight age disorder? (I'm not sure of the word for this).

In any cases, it sounds very interesting. If it is a new one you haven't yet written, I hope you'll update more often than I!

Julia

[taranwillow4ever]

Title: Meeting Expectations
Author: TaranWillow4Ever
Rating: PG for now
Disclaimer: Josh owns all of the characters, I just imagine other lives for them.
Spoilers: None
Feedback: Please
Thoughts in italics.

Chapter One: The Maples

Willow

Willow was standing against the wall as her mother and some adult talked.

“I can’t believe I got myself into this. How dare they do this to me. I didn’t do anything wrong. I wish my mother would just shut up and leave. I already know I am going to hate it here. Look at all those girls, I don’t fit in with any of them. I don’t know what my parents thought coming here would do for me. I’m in total control. I don’t need any help.” She looked over toward a girl who was sitting on the couch and then quickly looked down before she could acknowledge her.


Ok. What do we do now. Oh that lady is telling us to line up. I can do that. Just follow the blond, Tara. Just do what she does. Pick out some food, that's what you do at a cafeteria. It looks disgusting. Follow the girl to a table. Oh good, she's not sitting with all the others.


“So is this your first time?” asked Tara.

“Yes.”

“Were those your parents?”

“Yes.”

“They seemed nice…”

“Their Ok.”

“So what year are you in school?”

“10th.”

“Not much of a talker?”

“No.”

“Ok, I won’t bug you anymore. I just wanted you to feel welcome.”


Get it together Rosenberg. She’s being nice and you’re hurting her feelings. Look at those eyes. I could get lost in those eyes. EEK she saw me looking at her. What is she thinking? She must think I look terrible. Why did I wear these stupid jeans? She’s got a really pretty skirt on, and that long hair. She is so pretty. I’m sure she’s straight. She’s got to be, and even if she wasn’t she wouldn’t want to be with anyone like me. Stop thinking about it. The more you make friends, the more it hurts to leave them. She’s still looking at me every once in a while. Her smile is really cute. It’s like one of the ends goes up, and her eyes sparkle. Is she watching what I am eating? I hope not. She’s going to think I am a pig, all this food. Oh. They are telling us to get in line again. Just follow the blond. Figure out a way to slip the napkin into the trash. Shit she saw me.

“You’re not going to rat me out are you?”

“No. I don’t like the food either.”

They are looking at us. I bet we’re not supposed to be talking. Just follow the girl.

School, this is something I don’t have to worry about. There is a seat next to the girl. Cool I can keep looking at her…I wonder what she is bending over for. Did she pick up a paper clip, and hide it in her pocket. That’s weird. I guess she needed it for something. The teacher is starting to talk. Look at him.

“Hi. I am Mr. Smith, and you are?”

“Willow Rosenberg” Ok, you survived that.

“Well welcome Miss Rosenberg. What classes were you taking at your last school?”

I can answer that “English II, Pre-Calculus, Advanced Biology, and European History.”

“W.w..well, the English and History should be no problem for us, but I hope you are good at learning from a book, I have not even done Pre-calculus since I was in high school, and anything beyond basic Biology is a mystery for me. Hopefully you and Ms. Maclay can work together on both classes.”

Eeek work with that girl. I’ll not be able to concentrate. She’s so cute, all I’ll want to do is look at her eyes. “I’m used to doing things on my own, just give me the books and I’ll be fine. I don’t need any help.”

“Ok, follow the teacher. Cool look at all these text books. Hey, there is a copy of the one I was using. It looks like they have a copy of all of my books. Score. I won’t get behind in my school work. I told my parents this was a bad idea. I might get behind. I guess I wasn’t right. Walk back to your seat, don’t look at anyone. Look at the floor. I wonder what they are thinking about me. I think I saw the other blond one looking at me and laughing. She looks like a cheerleader. What is she doing here?” Sit down.

“She’s smiling at me again. Why does she keep smiling at me and then looking away? Focus Rosenberg, find you chapter. Just look like you are reading. You can do it. He hasn’t given you an assignment, so you don’t have to really read. You read the whole book already anyway. Just keep looking like you are reading. I think she’s still looking at me. I should look at her. No, just focus on the reading. She is really pretty…Stop. Don’t go there. That’s what got you in trouble the last time. Don’t daydream. Soft skin…pink lips. She’s got really nice hips, they swayed as she was walking. Shakes head. Go back to reading. Studies, that is what you are good at. It’s the only thing you are good at. [/

[JujuDeRoussie]

I'm really really curious about what happened. I don't know what I wish the most: that Willow's having control issues, or that she was found kissing a girl and sent there? On the one hand, it'd mean her parents aren't as bigots as I think, on the other hand, it'd mean they are big jearks. Well it made sense in my head.

Is it a place where they also spend the night? Are they gonna be roomies?

10th grade... *looks up on google what is the 10th grade already* ( )

Now I'm even more curious.

Julia

[Laragh]

Just got a chance to catch up on your new fic

I really like the premise and the suspense from not knowing exactly where they are or why they're there. Looking forward to the next update.

[JustSkipIt]

Hmm. So what type of facility is this? Does Willow have an eating disorder? What's wrong with them? I can only assume that Tara's only got the paper clip to either cut or to break out.
Hmmm.

[taranwillow4ever]

Impressive how you all pretty much figured out what was going on, problems and all. There will be twists and turns.



Title: Meeting Expectations

Author: TaranWillow4Ever

Rating: PG for now

Disclaimer: Josh owns all of the characters, I just imagine other lives for them.

Spoilers: None

Feedback: Please, I am playing with POV, sorry to those who don't like inconsistency.

Thoughts in italics.

Chapter 1: The Maples

After school was over, they returned to the living area, they were instructed to “circle up”. Tara grabbed a chair and put it in her favorite space, where she could see everyone and she didn’t have her back to anyone. Willow grabbed a chair and sat down beside Tara. An older looking woman brought a chair into the circle and asked one of the girls to state expectations.

A mousy looking brown haired girl rattled off a list of the rules for the group at a rate that was so rapid it seemed like it was just a jumble of words.

The older woman said, “Ok. We have a new group member, why don’t we introduce ourselves. She looked over at the mousy girl.

“Hi. I’m Anya. I’m 17.”

Then a blond cheerleader type girl perkily said, “I’m Buffy, 14”

For as perky as Buffy was, this dark haired girl was the opposite. Dressed all in black she slumped in her chair and gave off an aura of contempt. “Faith, 13”

Another perky cheerleader, this time brown haired, said “Cordelia, 16”

And then a quiet, clearly depressed girl said, ‘Amy, 15.”

Tara attempted to make eye contact with Willow, but her eyes were noticeably focused on her own feet, not any of the other girls, “Tara, 15”

The circle got back to Willow.

“I’m Willow and I’m 14.”

“Well, I am Dr. Cook. I run the daily afternoon group. In this group we talk about our goals for the afternoon shift, and the reasons that we are here at Maples School.

“You’re here because it’s your freaking job, we’re here because our freaking parents or guardians put us here” said Faith subvocally.

“Is there something you want to share, Faith?” asked Dr. Cook.

“No ma’am,” replied Faith.

“I didn’t think so. So who would like to start? Faith, you had so much to say, why don’t you start us off.”

“My goal for today is to follow directions the first time given,” said the dark haired girl.

“My goal is to keep my conversations appropriate.” said Anya.

“My goal is to focus on the present, not the past.” said Buffy.

“My goal is to directly ask for my needs to be met,” Said Amy.

“My goal is to listen to feedback without argument” said Cordelia.

“My goal is to say three positive things about myself this shift,” said Tara.

“Willow do you have a goal for yourself.” asked Dr. Cook.

“No.” said the red head.

“Well, new girls usually have a goal to learn the names and rules of the Maples.”

“That’s nice.” Willow continued to refuse to state a goal.

“How about we go around and everyone can tell Willow one rule.”

“No relationships.” Said Anna.

“No fighting” added Faith.

“You have to talk loud enough for the staff to hear your conversations,” said Amy.

“You can’t be in a room with another student unless there is a staff member present or if you have a roommate, and girls can’t be in a room alone with a male staff member.” said Cordelia.

“You have to ask permission to leave the area you are in.” said Buffy.

“You can’t cuss or use any hate language.” Said Tara.

“Any questions? Willow” asked Dr. Cook.

“No ma’am.” Replied Willow.

“So who would like to share with Willow why they are here?”

A few hands were raised slightly. Dr. Cook called on Anya.

“I like sex too much. I mean…I have problems not keeping my body safe. .”

Several of the other girls giggled, and Tara could see Willow’s eyes almost bug out of her head.

“Anya. Keep it appropriate. What have we told you about bluntly telling people that?”

“That I should just keep to the vague, keep my body safe. But the new girl should know my real problems.”

“Red here seems like she’s not at any risk from you,” said Faith.

‘Faith, that is one redirection for talking out,” quipped another staff member who was sitting outside the circle. Faith crossed her hands over her chest and slumped back even more that she had originally.

Dr. Cook then called on one of the perky cheerleaders.

“My parents put me here because I was using drugs. They didn’t want to say I was in rehab, so they put me here.” said Cordelia.

“Doesn’t seem like you are taking responsibility Cordie,” said Amy. “I’m Amy, I am here because I tried to kill myself a couple of times.”

“Just a couple?” said Buffy.

“Ok, I tried to kill myself eight times in the last five months. I almost succeeded the last time, so I got sent here…I mean I came here.”

“Here at The Maples School, we work on taking responsibility for our behaviors.”

This was one of the first groups that Tara had attended that she was one of the older girls. She knew that she was living on borrowed time before she would have to admit to the behaviors that had landed her at the Maples. Fortunately this was not the day, and the focus became on Amy and her reasons for wanting to kill herself. Neither Willow nor Tara were paying attention, instead they were pondering what they would eventually say when they were forced to admit to why they had been placed there.

[JujuDeRoussie]

Booh, want more. I'm so curious.

Well, I know one rule that'll be broken at some point of the story

Thanks!!!

Ju

[Zampsa1975]

Yay for good update-y goodness... I wonder why Willow and Tara were sended to the school...

[Laragh]

Ooh, the plot thickens! Interesting, super interesting.

I loved this

“My goal is to focus on the present, not the past.” said Buffy.

That is hilarious and perfect for her. Eagerly awaiting to see what's up with Will and Tara

[taranwillow4ever]

Title: Meeting Expectations

Author: TaranWillow4Ever

Rating: PG for now

Disclaimer: Josh owns all of the characters, I just imagine other lives for them.

Spoilers: None

Feedback: Please, I am playing with POV, sorry to those who don't like inconsistency.

Thoughts in italics.


Chapter One: The Maples

Tara

Tara had discovered that the worst part of this school was that they kept the students busy from dawn to dusk. It seemed that the staff members were doing everything they could to keep them from having any time to his or herself. Tara needed time to herself. She needed isolation.

Programming was finally over, and Tara was looking forward to being alone in the comfort of her own room. She was so glad that she didn’t have a roommate so she didn’t have to worry about anyone interfering with her method of relieving stress. She knew that this was something that others, especially adults thought she should stop, but she didn’t want to, and she didn’t think she would be able to stop anyway. If she had control of the pain, then nobody could hurt her.

Tara waited for the staff member to do the first fifteen-minute check of the night. She knew that she had at least fifteen guaranteed minutes before there was a chance that anyone would be paying any attention to her. Tara took the paper clip that she had found in class and made it straight. The urge to cut had begun to feel overwhelming, and Tara was so relieved when she realized that she would finally be able to do it. She then pulled down her pajama bottom and used the metal to make a cut on her inner thigh. She looked at the crisscross patterns of fully healed and partially healed lines on this thigh, and then looked at her other thigh. On this thigh, she saw the cut that had caused all of the problems.

Tara had been cutting since she was twelve. She had accidentally learned about its merits when she had been messing around with a pocket knife that had fallen out of her brother’s jeans pocket. She had made a small cut on her leg and she found that this self imposed pain almost felt good. Watching the blood come out of the cut made her aware that she was alive. It cut through the numbness; it was pain on her terms.

Once Tara saw and felt the blood from the paper clip, she felt calm and better than she had in days. The staff had done a very good job of finding all of the typically benign, but very useful things that she had tried to sneak in, but they hadn’t thought of paper clips. As long as she had something to cut with, she felt in control. Not having anything had made her feel incredibly nervous and vulnerable.

Tara lay back on her bed and thought that this day had been pretty good. She thought about meeting Willow and figured that she finally had someone on the dorm that she thought she could relate and talk to. Tara used her red rag to cover the line, so there was no chance that any blood would be found on her sheets; there was no chance that anyone would find out. Nobody could stop her.

Meanwhile, Willow was lying on her bed thinking that this school wouldn’t be too hard to get through. Despite it being billed as being one of the best places for adolescents in the state, they didn’t seem to be too aware of all of the tricks of the trade. She had been easily able to go to the bathroom right after dinner to get rid of her food. She’d perfected her ability to vomit noiselessly. She hoped that they wouldn’t get wind of her tricks, she’d hate to have to revert to using plastic bags. She wondered how long she could just glide by before anyone noticed. She was very good at becoming invisible. She’d been doing it for years.

***

The next day started like the other ones for Tara. After sitting through the morning meeting and breakfast, all of the students went to class. The first class was Math. The teacher told her she could work with Willow and they put their desks together. Tara noticed that Willow was working a bit further along in the book than Tara, so Tara was pretty sure that she wouldn’t be of any assistance to her. Tara liked having her desk facing Willow she got glimpses of Willow’s vibrant green eyes.

She is so cute, but I don’t get the feeling she knows it. Why am I looking at her? She most certainly is straight, and she is fourteen. Even if she isn’t straight, she wouldn’t like you Maclay. You are a repugnant creature. Just like Papa said, nobody but him will ever love me. Hum…She’s wearing that big sweatshirt again. I wonder why. Is it some sort of security blanket? Maybe I should ask her a question just so I can get her attention and see her eyes.

“So Willow, I’m working on page 252, it’s about graphing and I’m a little confused.”

“What about it is confusing?” said Willow looking up and seeing the bright blue eyes that zinged her all the way to her toes.

“Well how do you know where to start the line?”

Willow started to explain how it worked, and Tara pretended to be helped by the redheads’ explanation.

Tara was thinking about asking another question when she saw a staff member who she sort of remembered meeting at her admission. There had been so many adults she met, and she’d been so self-conscious that first day that she couldn’t remember all of the people she met

“Tara, Dr. Holt is here to talk to you,” said one of the staff members.

Tara got up and followed the woman into the hallway. While they were walking down the hall, the Dr. asked her how she liked Maple School.

“It’s Ok, I guess. Really h…h..have nothing to compare it to.” They walked into a room that had several chairs and a couch.

“Sit down where ever you want.” said the doctor.

Tara chose the end of the couch that was the furthest possible to the doctor. Tara looked around the room. There were some pictures of flowers. The couches and chairs were all a burgundy color and not particularly comfortable. It took her a moment to realize that the doctor was talking to her.

“Well, as you know I am Dr. Holt and I’ll be meeting with you individually twice a week. I’m sorry that it took me so long to get you. I was on vacation. Have you ever been in individual therapy before?”

“No ma’am.” You don’t need to volunteer too much information. Just answer her questions Maclay.

“So why are you here?”

I wonder which answer she wants. I’m here because the Department of Social Services said I had to be. I am here because my foster family couldn’t cope with me, or I’m here because I was stupid enough not to notice that one of my cuts got infected, and passed out and was brought to the hospital, and when they started looking at the infected cut, they saw all of the other cuts. What does she want to know? What are her expectations for me?

The therapist sat quietly looking at Tara. Ok, she’s not going to ask another question.. I’ve got to come up with an answer. The Social Services answer is the easiest

“I am here because the Department of Social Services put me here”

“How come.”

“’cause they found out that my home life wasn’t ideal.”

“That sounds more like something someone told you, than a teenagers words.”

“Well I don’t usually talk much like a teenager.”

“Have you had to take on a lot of adult responsibilities.”

“You could say that.”

“Like what?”

“Cooking, cleaning, making sure that my dad and older brother had what they needed.”

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Who was taking care of you?”

“Huh?”

“Who was taking care of you? You are only fifteen…”

“Almost 16.”

“Ok, you are almost 16. You are still a kid.”

“I don’t need anyone to take care of me.”

“You said you lived with your Dad and older brother. Didn’t your Dad take care of you ?”

He took care of me alright. Not going there lady.

“He paid for most of everything, but I never think of him as caring for me. ”

“Has anyone ever cared for you?”

I don’t want to go there. I don’t want to talk about Mama. I don’t want to deal with this today. It is too soon. I’m not telling this woman about my Mom.

“My mom cared for me when I was little, she died. I don’t like to talk about it, and not to be rude Dr.Holt, I’m not going to talk about it to you.”

“OK, maybe you will change your mind sometime. Maybe you’ll learn to trust me someday”

Maybe pigs are going to start flying and it will snow in hell

“Maybe.”

Tara was able to counter the therapist’s questions without much difficulty. She’d been lying to adults for years, she could lie to this woman for her entire time at this school.

Willow

After Dr. Holt returned Tara to the classroom, she requested to see Willow. Willow slowly got out of her seat. Shit, now I don’t get to keep looking at Tara. Well, Math will always come again. I bet this chick is my therapist. Tara was with her about forty minutes. That seems about right. I’ve done this too many times. Nothing to worry about.

“So how are you liking this school so far?”

Willow shrugged her shoulders and grunted. She’s not going to get me to talk that easily. She’s got to earn it.

They went into the therapy room. Willow sat in one of the chairs and pulled her hoodie’s over her head. This always gets them. They want to see my eyes, well I’m not falling for it. This is total bullshit.

“So Willow, why are you here?”

I am sure that there is some information about why I am here. I guess she wants to know how much I will “own”, I hate that stupid word.

“Listen Dr. I am sure that you totally know why I am here. Why are you asking? To see if I give the same story that the adults do?”

“Well, I usually like to get it told by my clients. Sometimes what adults write about you isn’t necessarily true.”

“I am sure it isn’t.”

“So what do you think that they wrote that wrong, and what did they miss.”

“Tell me what they wrote about me, and I’ll tell you if it was true.”

“That’s not how it works.”

“Well, that is how it works for me.” Good evasive tactic Rosenberg.

Willow sat there staring at the table that all of the seats were around.

Occasionally she would glance at the therapist, but as soon as their eyes met, Willow would glance away.

Willow had perfected this skill of sitting in a room with a therapist and not letting go. Today she spent time counting the number of tiles on the floor and determining the approximate volume of the room. Math was always a great escape.

The doctor was only able to tolerate thirty minutes of Willow’s silence. She brought her back to the school.

[Zampsa1975]

Yay for good update-y goodness... So Tara is a cutter and Willow is bulimic... I really hope that they get alone time where they can help eachother...

[JujuDeRoussie]

Sena,

This was really interesting. Cute fools thinking they fooled the therapist... LoL

You told me Tara's habit was more lethal, but Willow's habit ain't hugs and puppies either. Mix the two and you get one of my best friends some years ago.

I hope someone finds the paper clip, and soon, and that Willow's caught, or something..; Oh wait, here's a great idea, what both girls need: to be roomates!

Somehow people tend to care to each other and keep each other from self-destruction, no matter how much they want it for themselves.

Julia

[Anlorew]

Lol I'm really glad I found this. This story reminds me a lot of Girl, Interrupted with Winona Ryder and Angelina Jolie. It's about a bunch of girls in an insitution in the 60's and they all have problems they're dealing with too. Anyways, I really like the story. I like how you put in a bunch of the Buffy girls in the group session. Anya and Faith actually made me laugh. And I also really like the therapist. She seems a lot like the therapist in Girl, Interrupted. She seems really smart. Perhaps if Willow and Tara can't help themselves or each other, then maybe she can help them. I look forward to reading more!

[taranwillow4ever]

Title: Meeting Expectations

Author: TaranWillow4Ever

Rating: PG for now

Disclaimer: Josh owns all of the characters, I just imagine other lives for them.

Spoilers: None

Feedback: Please, I am playing with POV, sorry to those who don't like inconsistency.

Thoughts in italics.

Chapter One: The Maples

After bringing Willow back to the school, Dr. Holt decided to read both of the girl's files. He began with Tara's.

Tara is a fifteen-ten month old, European American female who is in the custody of the Department of Social Services. She is approximately 5’6” and weighs 140 pounds with blond hair and blue eyes. She presents with a history of depression and self-injurious behaviors. Tara is in the 10th grade on the college bound track and does not receive Exceptional Education Services.

Tara is the second of two children born to Elizabeth and Donald Maclay. She has an older brother Donald (19). According to her father, Tara was the product of a healthy pregnancy. Her mother did not do drugs, drink, nor were their birth complications. Tara met all developmental milestones within normal limits. Tara’s family is very involved in their local church. Tara’s mother died when Tara was eight years after a two year battle with cancer. Tara’s behaviors are believed to have started around the time of her mother’s death. Mr. Maclay reports that Tara and her mother were very close and that the death of his wife was very difficult for all the family. Tara did not receive any counseling services after the death of her mother. According to school reports Tara’s grades remained good and she did not exhibit any behavior problems before or after he mother’s death.

Tara remained living with her father and brother until an incident in which Tara collapsed at school. She was taken to the emergency room and it was discovered that she had developed an infection in a self-imposed cut on her inner thigh. Further examination yielded extensive scarring and cuts on Tara’s upper arms and thighs. Extensive bruising was also seen on her upper back, and x-rays showed several broken ribs and evidence of healed broken ribs, and clavicle. When questioned, Tara admitted to the self-inflicted wounds but would not provide explanation for the bruising or breakages. When questioned, Mr. Maclay could not provide any explanation for the injuries and reported that she had always been in good health. He said to his knowledge she had never been sexually abused. He admitted to using corporal punishment occasionally when Tara was younger. He reported that due to a lack of medical insurance he had not taken Tara for any well-child appointments since her mother’s death. Mr. Maclay requested that Tara be immediately discharged from the hospital despite the fact that she required IV antibiotics. The Department of Social Services was notified and neglect was substantiated. Physical Abuse was strongly suspected however Tara refused to confirm any incidents of abuse. Tara denied any sexual abuse.

After discharge from the hospital, Tara was placed in a short-term shelter and then in a foster home run by the Sunnyville Home for Children. Tara remained in this foster home for two weeks until the foster family reported that they could not adequately supervise Tara due to her strong focus on obtaining objects that she could use to inflict physical injury. Tara was placed in a group home also run by Sunnyville. Tara had significant difficulties getting along with peers and the group home staff reported that they too could not provide the needed supervision to keep Tara safe. Tara remained at this group home until her placement at The Maples School.

DSM-IV Diagnosis
Axis I: Major Depression, single episode
Rule out PTSD
Axis II: Rule out Borderline Personality Disorder.
Axis III: None (allergy to shellfish)
Axis IV: Parent-Child Problems
Axis V: 55.

Dr. Holt then read Willow’s chart.

Willow is a 13-9 month-old European American Youth. She has red hair, green eyes and is approximately 5’4” 100 pounds. She is in the custody of her adoptive parents, Ira and Sheila Rosenberg. Dr. and Mr. Rosenberg fostered Willow when she was three-years old and adopted her when she was five. Willow receives Exceptional Education Services through the Gifted Classification. She has been accelerated academically and is in the 10th grade. Willow presents with a history of depression, anorexia and bulimia.

According to Dr. and Mr. Rosenberg, Willow was the third child born to Samantha Howe. Willow’s biological father is unknown. Ms. Howe has an extensive history of substance abuse and it is suspected that she used drugs and alcohol during her pregnancy with Willow. Ms. Howe does not have custody of any of the children. Her biological mother’s whereabouts are currently unknown.

The Department of Social Services took custody of Willow when she was two-years-old. She and her siblings were found in an abandoned apartment building. According to the oldest child, who was six at the time, their mother had not been home in several days. All three children were found to be covered in flea bites and had impetigo. The only food found in the house was a jar of peanut butter and a pitcher of punch that the oldest child had made. All three children were malnourished and each had extensive dental carries. Willow had what is referred to as “bottle rot” and four of her teeth needed to be immediately extracted.

At the time of their removal from the home, a foster home was not found for all three children. Willow’s two older brothers were placed in one foster home and Willow was placed in another. The first foster parents adopted Willow’s brothers. She does not have any contact with them, and it is believed that their names have been changed. Willow was placed in three foster homes before she was placed with the Rosenbergs. Her first two families found the level of aloofness and lack of emotion expressed by Willow to be troublesome.

The Rosenberg’s report that they first obtained counseling for Willow when she was four-years old after she began to have episodic rages that would last for hours. Willow also has a history of selective mutism. Psychological testing indicated that Willow’s intelligence was within the Superior range (WPSSI IQ: 152). Willow began reading when she was four. The Rosenberg’s placed her in a private kindergarten at four. No behavioral problems were noted at school, and she received Gifted Services since she was in first grade. Aside from the rage attacks and hoarding food, the Rosenbergs report that she was an easy child to raise. Willow was cared for by nannies until she started kindergarten. Willow continued to have several rage attacks a month throughout elementary school.

Willow’s difficulties intensified when she entered middle school (age 9). She began to steal food from the cafeteria and her weight dropped from the 50th percentile for her age to the 5th percentile. Her rages became more frequent and she did not have adequate peer relationships. Willow received counseling and medication management from Dr. G. Meyers. The Rosenberg’s removed Willow from the local public schools when she was in seventh grade and she attended a private school (name unknown). Willow was medically hospitalized when she was twelve years old and diagnosed with anorexia nervosa. The Rosenberg’s refused to place her in an eating disorder program and instead provided her with individual therapy. Willow’s difficulties waned until recently when she passed out from an electrolyte imbalance. The Rosenberg’s home schooled Willow until she was placed at the Maples School.

Willow’s most recent cognitive testing (WISC-IV) yielded a Verbal Comprehension Index of 155, a Perceptual Reasoning Index of 150, a Working Memory Score of 135, and a Processing Speed Score of 150. These scores combine to yield a Full Scale IQ score of 149 (99.9 percentile). These scores are all within the Very Superior range of intellectual functioning. Academic testing (WJ-III) yielded a Broad Reading Score of 140, a Broad Math Score of 145 and a Broad Written Language Score of 130. These scores correspond to the >13 grade equivalent.

Diagnosis:
Axis I: Anorexia nervosa
Mood Disorder, NOS
Intermittent Explosive Disorder
Rule out Bipolar Disorder
Rule out Reactive Attachment Disorder
Selective Mutism by History.
Axis II: Deferred
Axis III: Seasonal Allergies. Amenorrhea
Axis IV: Deferred
Axis V: 50.

After reading the files, Dr. Holt knew that these were going to be challenging cases. Troubled girls were her specialty so she felt confident that she would be able to help them.


Later that day, Dr. Holt was at a Treatment Team meeting for the girl’s dorm. The topic of needing to double up two of the girls came up because a new admission required a single room.

“Well, Amy and Faith are already rooming together, and they seem to be doing fine, so I don’t think we should mess with it.” said one staff member.

“Anya’s got to be kept in a single due to her issues,” reminded another staff.

“Buffy and Cordelia would most likely kill each other, and I can’t imagine either of them rooming with either Willow or Tara.”

“What about Willow and Tara?” asked Dr. Holt. “They already are pretty friendly with each other, and maybe they could help each other. Tara seems to be so sweet; she may be able to get Willow to come out of her shell. We’ll give the two of them a chance as roommates. We can evaluate it again next week. Speaking of Willow, how is her eating going?

“You know, she’s refused almost every snack she’s been offered on our shift,” said one staff member.

“She hardly eats much breakfast, but when questions she says she never was a big breakfast eater.”

“She’s said the same thing about dinner.” Said another staff member.

“Ok, has anyone seen her eating?” asked Dr. Holt.

All of the staff members looked around at each other, with none of them remembering ever seeing Willow eat a thing.

“Ok, we need to do a better job monitoring her. I want a staff member to sit with her at dinner and make sure that she eats at least half of her meal.”

“Ok, I can do that,” said one of the female staff members, Ms. Azul.

Willow

Willow was watching television with Buffy and Faith when the Unit Manager came up to her and told her that she needed to pack up her belongings and move into Tara’s room.

“Lucky you getting to room with Blondie, I’ve been wanting to get into her room for ages,” said Faith.

“I suspect that is why you weren’t chosen,” said the Director.

Willow stood up from the couch and went to her room. She hadn’t unpacked much, so it only took a little while to get all of her stuff together.

Tara was in her room, so Willow knocked.

“Come in,” yelled Tara. She was laying on her bed reading a book.

Willow entered the room and put some of her stuff down on the spare bed. Tara sat up and watched her.

“What are you doing?” Tara asked.

“Well, Mr. Hope told me that the treatment team decided that I needed to move in here because they need my room for a new kid. Didn’t they tell you?” answered Willow.

“No.”

“I’m sorry. I am sure you are not too happy about getting a roommate, I know I wouldn’t be.”

“It will be Ok. You seem like a cool person.”

“I’ll try to just stay out of your way.”

Willow went back to her old room and got the rest of her belongings. She asked staff for some tape and she taped up a picture of an older looking couple, and one of her and her best friend Xander.

As she was putting it up, Tara walked over to look at the pictures.

“Are those your parents? And your boyfriend?”

“Yes, to the parents, no to the boyfriend. He’s just a friend. My best buddy since elementary school. His name is Xander.”

“It must be nice to have a good buddy. I haven’t had many friends.”

“Why not ?”

“Well, between church, and school, and taking care of my family. I was pretty busy. My dad didn’t like me hanging around with kids who were not in our congregation.”

“How come?”

“He felt that the other kids were too worldly and didn’t follow the commandments of the Lord.”

“Oh, I bet he’ll be really happy to learn you are rooming with a Jew.”

“He probably won’t find out. He wouldn’t think to ask. I suspect he is doing everything in his power to get custody of me back. He and my brother are probably eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for every meal. Neither of them can cook a lick.”

“So you had to cook for your family?”

“That and all the other ‘women’s’ work. My Dad has very clear ideas of what men and women are supposed to do. That’s the only good thing about being in this place. I am getting a rest from all the work.”

“That’s kind of the opposite of my life. My mom doesn’t do any of the things that are probably considered women’s work. I grew up with a cook and a housekeeper. Until I came here I hardly ever had to do any chores.”

“You’re lucky.”

“I guess you could say that.”

Just then, there was a loud knock on the door and a staff member announced that it was time to get ready to go to dinner. The two girls exited the room and lined up with the other students.

[Zampsa1975]

Yay for good update-y goodness... I really hope Willow and Tara can help each other...

[Laragh]

Hope they can make each other realise how special they are.

Loved this update, thought it was fantastic and liked getting the backstory.

Looking forward to more.

[taranwillow4ever]

Title: Meeting Expectations

Author: TaranWillow4Ever

Rating: PG for now

Disclaimer: Josh owns all of the characters, I just imagine other lives for them.

Spoilers: None

Feedback: Please, I am playing with POV, sorry to those who don't like inconsistency.

Thoughts in italics.

Chapter One: The Maples

Willow

Tara and Willow sat down at the table with Buffy, Faith and Amy. As usual, Willow had taken an average portion of food and was pushing it around her plate, while the rest of the students were eating. Ms. Azul sat down at their table and pretended to be just talking, but Willow could see that she was mostly focused on her plate. Just force it down, it can always come up after dinner. Willow took a few bites of her food, willing it to go down her throat and stay there for the time being. After they returned to the dorm, Willow asked to use the restroom.

“Sorry, you have to wait 30 minutes. It was decided in treatment team”, said the staff member.

“Excuse me. I gotta go,” asserted Willow.

“Well, if that is the case, you won’t mind if I come in with you,” replied the staff member.

Shit, what am I going to do? I really don’t need to use the bathroom, but if they come in, they will notice… “I guess I can wait.”

Willow felt the weight of the food pressing on her stomach. It had been so long since she had really eaten anything of substance and she felt bloated. She asked Ms. Azul if she could go to her room for a few minutes.

When she went into her room, Tara was inside doing some homework at her desk. Willow pulled off her sweatshirt and lay down on the bed.

Tara was engrossed in her studies, but felt she should acknowledge the other girl. She turned around in her chair and was amazed at what she saw. Willow was emaciated. That large hooded sweatshirt was hiding a very skinny redhead. Tara put two and two together and immediately realized her roommate’s reason for placement at the school. Tara tried not to stare, but Willow caught her looking. She immediately grabbed the sweatshirt and put it in front of herself.

“What are you looking at?” Willow said in a rather gruff voice. What do you think she is looking at Rosenberg, your disgusting body. I bet she wants to throw up now.

“S..s…sorry, j…j…just wanted to say ‘hi’.” Stuttered Tara. “Y..y..y…you don’t need to keep the hoodie on in here. It’s your room too.

Willow looked at the concern in the beautiful blue eyes of her roommate and immediately felt bad for snapping at her roommate. “Sorry, I just don’t feel so good.”

“I’m sorry…Cause they won’t let you go to the bathroom?”

“How did you know?”

“J..just guessed, and I heard you all outside the door,” Tara smiled her trademark lopsided smile and hid behind her hair.

Willow looked again at the girl and saw how beautiful she was. She found herself grinning and wanting to talk some more to her new roommate.

“Do you have the same problem?”

“No.” said Tara looking down at her body, “me, no, look at me…lots of meat on these bones, too much actually.”

Willow found herself looking at the girl and appreciating her curves. What is going on? Why am I looking at her body? Cause she just made a comment about it. It’s Ok to look. Willow surprised herself by saying, “I think you look good…um….healthy.” What did I just say. Shut up Rosenberg. She’s going to think you are some sort of perv. Oh yeah, you are…but she doesn’t need to know that.

Tara blushed again, and hid behind her hair. “T…thanks.”

“No problem. Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure, what?”

“Why are you stuttering so much now?”

“I..I..I don’t know. S..s..sometimes I have to work s.s…so hard to not s…s…stutter outside, that I guess I stutter more in m..my room” Good explanation Maclay. Can’t tell her that looking at those green eyes makes it hard to talk.

“Oh…” Willow put her sweatshirt back on and lay down on the bed. A few minutes later, a staff member knocked on their door and told them it was time to get ready for the last group of the day.

The two girls walked out and sat down in the circle. The Unit Director was leading the group tonight, so after quickly accessing goals, he asked each of the students to tell one reason that they were at the school that no other peer knew.”

Buffy volunteered to start.

“I am here because I have trouble controlling my anxiety and I used to get into a lot of fights. I hurt a kid really bad at school.”

“Me too,” said Faith, “ ‘cept I knocked the kids block off because I was angry. I don’t got no anxiety, I’m just pure angry.”

“Faith, remember to raise your hand, but since you’ve gone, answer one question, Why do you think you are so angry?” asked the Unit Director.

“I don’t know. Maybe because my alcoholic mom used to beat the tar out of me, or maybe because of the guys she used to bring home… pick one.”

“I don’t think we need to pick one Faith, I think both reasons are probably part of it.”

“Whatever,” said Faith slouching down in her seat.

Anya raised her hand.

“Yes, Anya.” said the Unit Director.

“Can I ask Faith a question?”

“Is it appropriate?”

“I think so.”

“Ok, “

“Faith, did your mom’s boyfriends touch you? Mine did. I figured that I might as well start enjoying it, if I was going to have to do it all the time." She paused for a few seconds, " I guess I just told one thing about myself.”

Faith raised her hand and the staff member recognized her.

“Yeah,” said Faith in a very small voice.

There was a hushed silence in the group and everyone looked to the Unit Director to diffuse it.

“Well, Faith and Anya thanks for sharing,” said the Unit Director realizing that he had gotten above his head.

“Amy, why don’t you share one of the reasons that you are here.”

“Well, most of you know most of my stuff, but I don’t think the new kids know that I kinda got involved in a Satanic group. “

What the fuck am I doing here thought Willow to herself.

“Willow?”

“Huh?”

“Willow, can you share one of the reasons that you are here?”

“Yeah,” I can, doesn’t mean I will.

“We are waiting…”

“For what?”

“Willow, please tell the group one of the reasons that you are here.”

“Um…I have really bad rages that scare my parents.”

“Is that the main reason?” asked the staff member.

“I don’t know, what do you think?” asked Willow sarcastically.

The other girls except Tara laughed. Tara was too busy worrying about what she was going to say to hear the tone of Willow’s remark.

Ok, Tara. You can get out a sentence without stuttering. Come on. Tara raised her hand.

“Yes, Tara?”

“I’m here b..b..be..cc..cause”

“Spit it out Blondie,” remarked Faith.

Tara blanched and knew that it was going to be almost impossible to finish her sentence.

“Faith, that was really rude. Go take a TO.”

“Who’se going to make me?” Said Faith standing up and walking up toward the Unit Director.

“Girls, everyone go to your rooms,” instructed the Unit Director.

Willow and Tara went into their room. They could hear Faith yelling, screaming and cussing at the staff members.

“What the fuck are they doing to her?” said Willow unconsciously aloud.

“She’s going to get herself restrained, she likes the fight.” Said Tara rather matter of factly.

“Who’d want all of those people touching them?” I would just die if they did that to me.

“I guess Faith. She does it about once every few weeks.”

“Oh…”

“I don’t understand it. Who’d want all of those adults g..g..grabbing at you and pushing you down on the hard floor. It’s my idea of hell.”

“Mine too.”

The two girls smiled at each other, and then they shyly looked away when they saw the other one looking at her. Both of them sat down on their beds and picked up books an appeared to be reading them. Appearances were deceiving though, each of the girls was thinking about the other.

It was almost an hour later before the staff members came to their room to say that they could come out. Both of them went out to the common area and watched television with the other students. Bedtime came quickly and the two went to their room.

Willow was lying in her bed reading a book when Tara came back from the shower room. She had never seen Tara wearing anything but long sleeve shirts and long pants, so she was surprised to see her wearing boxers and a tee-shirt under the robe that was required wearing in the public areas of the unit. Tara sat on her bed and was brushing out her hair. She wasn’t thinking, so she sat down with one leg underneath her and the other straight out. Willow looked up and saw a few of the half healed cuts on her inner thigh. Ow, those look like they would really hurt. I wonder how she managed to get cut there?

Tara caught Willow looking, and quickly moved her legs and covered her lap with a pillow from her bed.

“Sorry,” said Willow.

“What?” said Tara trying to feign a lack of understanding.

“Sorry if I made you uncomfortable. “

“N..n..no. It’s all right.” Tara slipped under the sheet and put on her earphones to listen to music.

Willow took the hint, and put her headphones on as well. Soon the staff came by and told them it was time for lights out. Willow lay in the quiet room listening to the sounds of Tara settling down to go to sleep, and trying to get her own body to relax. When Tara’s breathing became regular, Willow found that the sound lulled her to sleep. As she was just falling asleep, her last thought was I feel really relaxed and less anxious in this room.

[JujuDeRoussie]

Back from a wonderful weekend to find updates! YaY for me!!!

I'm so glad they're now roomates. It'll help them.The hardest part is to build a relationship that can exist outside such a facility... You know? In the big scary world.
But first things first, I hope each will healp each other feel better and to calm down the self destructing behaviour. Maybe even make them disappear.

Thanks!!

[Zampsa1975]

Yay for good update-y goodness... Good that both of them now know why they are there and that they don't have to hide in their room... I really hope that Tara manages to get Willow to eat some and Willow to help Tara to "invent" new methods to control her pain, like

[Laragh]

Loving this story Hope they get more comfortable around each other

[taranwillow4ever]

Title: Meeting Expectations

Author: TaranWillow4Ever

Rating: PG for now

Disclaimer: Josh owns all of the characters, I just imagine other lives for them.

Spoilers: None

Feedback: Please, I am playing with POV, sorry to those who don't like inconsistency.

Thoughts in italics.

Chapter One: The Maples

Willow

Willow woke up to the sound of crying. She looked over at her clock radio and saw that it was almost 3:00 am. She listened more carefully and realized that it was Tara and it seemed that she was having a bad dream. She contemplated whether she should just ignore it, tell staff or go over to try to comfort the sobbing girl. She decided to determine if Tara was awake or asleep.

“Tara, are you Ok.”

There was no answer and Willow heard Tara say “Stop,” very loudly. The sound of despair in the voice shook Willow to her core. She decided that she should probably get staff to come and help Tara.

Willow got up and knocked on her door.

“What?” yelled the staff member.

“Um…Umm… Tara seems to be having some sort of bad dream.”

“So, what do you think I can do about it?”

“I don’t know. I guess comfort her or something.”

“Ok, I’ll be in there in a minute. Just go back to sleep.”

“Well may I go to the bathroom,” asked Willow.

“Sure, make it quick though.”

Willow went to the bathroom and returned to her room. She had already laid down when the staff member walked into the room, looked at Tara who was now sleeping, and left the room. Willow felt wide awake because she’d had to go into the hall and bathroom which were very bright. She lay on her bed staring at the ceiling and listening to Tara’s breathing that had become more regular. About an hour later, Willow finally fell asleep. She was awoken several hours later by a loud pounding on the door and a gruff voice saying that it was her turn to take a shower. As the knocking began, Willow looked over to see Tara sitting up on her bed with a terrified look on her face.

“Are you Ok, Tara?” asked Willow.

“Yeah, the loud knocking scares me sometimes.”

“Me too.”

Willow went to her bureau and picked out her clothes for the day. Every few seconds she would steal a glimpse of Tara out of the side of her eyes. She looks like an angel. Focus Rosenberg, you can’t be found ogling your roommate. Tara’s arm was up above her head on the pillow and Willow could see several bright red lines on her upper arm. She must be a cutter. That must be why she is here.

Willow went to the bathroom, took her shower, and brought her clothes back to the room. Tara was getting her stuff ready for her shower while Willow was making her bed. Willow could see several angry cuts on Tara’s legs and arms. Wow, she is a real cutter.

Tara caught her looking at her, and she quickly put on her robe that covered her arms and legs.

Willow decided that it was best just to not acknowledge that she knew she’d been caught, and went about cleaning up her part of the room. She then lay back down on top of the bed and began to read a book.

When Tara returned to the room, she was wearing a long-sleeve shirt and long pants. Willow now understood why the girl never had on short sleeved shirts or shorts. Tara needed to cover her scars, and it seemed that she was still cutting, so she needed to hide the new cuts as well. Willow watched Tara make her bed, straighten up her part of the room and sit down beside the bed and begin to read.

Tara saw Willow’s perplexed look when she chose to sit on the floor.

“It keeps the bed from getting wrinkled. Plus I like sitting on the floor.”

“Whatever,” said Willow trying to seem cool, but enjoying looking at the blond haired girl, “It kinda hurts for me to sit on the floor; kinda boney.”

“I got plenty of padding,” said Tara slapping her legs.

It’s some mighty fine padding. Willow caught herself daydreaming. Oh yeah, your supposed to say something about her not having padding. But she does and it is wonderful. Can't say that...

The two girls looked at each other, not knowing what to say to the other. They were saved by the staff loudly announcing that it was time for breakfast.

Willow, Tara and the rest of the girls lined up to walk to breakfast. Willow went through the line. Nothing looked good, in fact, everything looked horrid. She picked up a small apple and a carton of milk and went to sit down. Tara and Buffy joined her a few minutes later.

“Is that all you are going to eat Willow?” I’d get a headache if that was all I ate for breakfast.” Buffy dug into her pancakes and syrup. How can she eat that?

“Some people are not breakfast people, eh Willow” said Tara looking at Willow who was taking small sips of the milk and had taken one bite from the apple. “You should try to eat a little more, though Willow. You want a half of my toast?”

She’s offering me food off her plate, and she’s looking at you with those big blue eyes. Say something.

“Ok.” Ok? That’s not what I meant. Now you have to eat a piece of toast and an apple and milk.

Willow picked up the piece of toast. Thank the goddess that there is no butter or jelly on the toast. She took a bite and washed it down with a sip of milk. Willow sensed that Tara was looking at her, but when she looked up, Tara was focused on her food. They continued eating until it was time to line up and go to the unit and school.

++++

Willow was settling into her Math work when Dr. Holt came to get her for another therapy session. They walked to the therapy room and Willow sat down at the end of the couch far away from the therapist. She put her hands inside her sweatshirt pocket and stared at the bulge.

“So how is the eating going?” asked Dr. Holt.

“Fine.”

“Really, and if I ask the staff what you had for breakfast what would they say?”

“Who cares?”

“I do.”

“Sure you do…you’re paid to work with me, you don’t know me, and you don’t really care.”

“That sounds like a script. Who wrote it?”

“Huh?” said Willow looking up at the woman. Their eyes met, and Willow could see a level of caring from the grey eyes of the older woman. She immediately went back to examining her pouch.

‘That sounds like a script. It sounds like what somebody told you.”

“Well, why would you care?”

“’cause you are a good kid, who obviously is struggling with something.”

“How do you know I’m a good kid?”

“Just a feeling.”

“Well, you’re wrong. I’m not a good kid.”

“What is so bad about you?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Well, I guess..it is my job, but it’s also my job to be here for you. It’s your session, you can do with it as you like. But I do care about you.”

Sure you do, I am fine.”

“Well, that is a good start. I am happy you think you are fine.”

“Yeah, fucked up, insecure, neurotic and emotional, fine.” mumbled Willow.

“What?”

“Nothing…”

“So Willow, what do you hope to accomplish while you are here at the Maples?”

“I don’t know.”

“What is the point of being in treatment if you don’t know what you want to work on?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you should ask my parents, they are the ones that wanted me here.”

“You didn’t want to come?”

“No way, I was doing ok.”

“Passing out from malnutrition is ok.”

“They over-reacted. I was fine.”

“I don’t think anyone would agree that you were fine. You were so sick that you needed tube feeding. So if I asked your parents what they wanted you to work on, what would they say?”

“I don’t know.”

‘Are you sure?”

What does this chick want from me? “Ok, I think that they would say they wanted me to eat some and get fixed.”

‘Fixed, are you broken?”

“I don’t think so, but they do.”

“What about you is broken?”

“Listen Doc, no disrespect, but you know what’s broken about me. Or you know some of the reasons I am broken I had a fucked up early childhood, an eating disorder, and have rage attacks.”

“So you admit that you have an eating disorder?”

“No…I didn’t say that.”

“Actually you did.”

Shit, why did I say that “Well, I didn’t mean it.”

“So back to my initial question, what did you have for breakfast, not what did you put on your tray, but what did you actually ingest and keep ingested.”

“Um…about half a carton of milk, two bites of an apple, and half a slice of toast.”

“And how did you feel after you ate it?”

“Full and sick. I was glad that the toast didn’t have anything on it. One of the girls from my dorm, actually my roommate gave it to me.”

“That was nice of her, does she know about your eating problems?”

“Sort of” she paused, “Yes, I guess yes, ‘cause she asked me if I was wigging out ‘cause they wouldn’t let me go to the bathroom after dinner.”

“So have you been purging?”

“What’s going to happen if I tell you? Anything I tell you in here is confidential right; I can’t get in trouble for it.”

“Well, sort of. You can’t get in trouble like a time out or something, but I’ll have to tell staff that you’ve been doing it and to keep a better watch. But actually, I already suspected it.

“So you’re the one who made the stupid rule about me not going to the bathroom after meals unless staff watch.” Willow looked at the woman with defiance coming out of her eyes.

The woman did not look phased at all, she replied, ‘Guilty as charged, it’s my job to keep all of you girls safe, and your safety involves not purging.”

“Do you want to stop purging?”

“No..I mean yes…sort of… it just hurts so much to eat, and nothing looks good. Food is so gross.”

“Is there any food that isn’t gross? If you could pick a favorite meal, what would it be?”

“Um…I used to like pizza, mushroom pizza, and mocha’s. But do you know how many calories are in a slice of pizza, or a regular mocha. More than I try to eat in a day.”

“So how many calories do you allow yourself a day?”

Less than 200, if I tell her that she’ll really have them watching me. What’s a good number that she might believe…"I don’t know.”

“Sure…”

“Ok, I try to keep it under 500.” Well under 500, but she doesn’t have to know that.

“Or what will happen?”

“I don’t know.”

“Sure you do, ‘I don’t know’ means I don’t want to tell you.”

Willow realized that this woman may really have her number. This petrified her and she said, “I really don’t want to talk about this anymore. Can I go back to school? I hate missing math.”

“Ok, I can try to not get you out of math, I think you did some good work today, we can go back.”

The two of them walked back to the school wing. The woman went to the staff member, wrote something on the daily log, and asked to take Tara for her session. As Tara was leaving, Willow watched the swing of her womanly hips and sighed.

[Zampsa1975]

Yay for good update-y goodness... I hope Willow helps Tara during Tara's panic attacks by Snuggle-therapy... and in return Tara helps Willow to eat even remotely healthy and get some meat on her bones...

[Laragh]

I love how well this is written. I feel so bad for the two of them though, feeling so low about themselves. They're both so beautiful. Looking forward to more.

[taranwillow4ever]

Thanks to all of you who have left feedback. I encourages me to write more.


Title: Meeting Expectations

Author: TaranWillow4Ever

Rating: PG for now

Disclaimer: Josh owns all of the characters, I just imagine other lives for them.

Spoilers: None

Feedback: Please, I am playing with POV, sorry to those who don't like inconsistency.

Thoughts in italics.


Chapter One: The Maples

Tara

Tara rushed into the apartment, she had gotten home from school late and had to rush to get dinner on the table for Donny and her father before they got home. She knew that they would be angry if she gave them hamburgers again, so she tried to find something else that would appeal to the two men. She rummaged through the cabinet and found some Taco mix and decided to make her family tacos for dinner. She was browning the meat, and cutting up vegetables when her father came through the door. Tara looked at his face, and realized that the man was not happy. She knew that there may be hell to pay. She went to the refrigerator and grabbed a beer, quickly uncapping it and bringing it to her father.

Daddy, dinner will be ready in a few minutes, why don’t you go relax in the living room and watch the news.’


Mr. Maclay looked at his daughter. She looked so much like his former wife it was scary. Afraid of any tender feelings toward this girl, he snapped, “Is it too hard to have dinner ready when I get home.”

N..no Daddy, I just thought that maybe you’d like to have tacos instead of h…h..hamburgers tonight, and it takes more preparation.”

I bet you weren’t home in time today. What were you doing after school, hanging out with those heathen friends of yours?”

N..n.no Daddy, I..I I went to the library to work on a p..project. I..I lost track of time.”

“Well, that’s not either Donny or my fault. We work hard to keep a roof over your head, so you should work hard to keep food in our stomachs. I can’t wait until all this school foolishness is over.”


“Y..yes sir. Dinner will be ready in about 10 minutes.”

++++

There was a prayer meeting and then dishes to do afterwards. Tara didn’t get to bed until almost midnight. She could hear the television in the other room blaring and she figured that her father was on his fifth or sixth beer of the night. Maybe he will fall asleep in front of the television. Please goddess, help him fall asleep. Tara felt her supplications go into the universe and she fell asleep.

She woke up to the smell of stale beer and male sweat coming close to her. She felt him lifting up her nightgown and ripping at her underwear “Elizabeth, how many times have I told you I don’t like you to wear underwear to bed, it keeps me from feeling you.”

"Daddy, it’s not mamma, it’s me Tara.”

“Don’t give me that shit, I know my wife when I see her. You’re not that little devil spawn, Tara. Maybe tonight I will plant something of worth inside you.”

Tara cried as she felt her father’s rough body entering her. She couldn’t help but yell out “Stop” but this just made her father more angry and his pounding became harder, and he pulled her hair and demanded she look at him. Tara willed herself into another dimension, but the tears from the pain, leaked out.

Tara woke up from the nightmare and was so glad that it wasn’t happening again. Where am I? whose breathing do I hear. Her eyes darted around the room, falling upon the redhead who was standing at the door. Thank goddess, I’m at school. Just breathe Maclay. You’ll be ok. She heard her roommate talking to staff and reporting her nightmare. I don’t want to talk about it. Just look like you are asleep Maclay. She heard the staff member enter the room and look at her, and her roommate return to the room and lay down in her own bed. Tara could tell that her roommate was agitated, but she didn’t want to have to talk about it to her, so she too pretended she was asleep. She must have fallen asleep, because the next sound she heard was a loud knocking that made her sit straight out of bed.

“Are you Ok, Tara?” her roommate asked her.

“Yeah, the loud knocking scares me sometimes.”

“Me too.”

Tara lay down again with her arm outside the sheet.

Every once in awhile she would look out the side of her eyes at the redhead who was getting prepared to take her shower. After her roommate returned, Tara got her stuff to take her own shower. She wasn’t thinking much about how much of her body she was exposing to the girl until she caught the girl looking at some of her cuts. She quickly put on her robe and exited the room. What did she see? Is she going to tell, she must think I am disgusting, gotta be more careful. Just relax Maclay, it’s ok. Should I talk to her about it. Ask her to keep it a secret, but maybe she didn’t really see anything, and then I would be bringing it up. These thoughts and doubts echoed through her mind as she showered and returned to her room.

Tara noticed Willow’s perplexed look when she herself sat on the floor rather than on the bed.

“It keeps the bed from getting wrinkled. Plus I like sitting on the floor.”

“Whatever,” replied her roommate, “It kinda hurts for me to sit on the floor; kinda boney.”

“I got plenty of padding,” said Tara slapping her legs. She must think I am a fat pig. She’s so skinny, and so cute. Warning, warning, roommate, can’t be thinking these thoughts about roommates.

The two girls looked at each other, not knowing what to say to the other. They were saved by the staff loudly announcing that it was time for breakfast.

Tara lined up behind Willow, and they walked to the cafeteria. Tara noticed that all the girl was getting was an apple and a carton of milk. She herself got some toast, eggs, and bacon, and sat down at a table with Willow and Buffy.

“Is that all you are going to eat Willow?” I’d get a headache if that was all I ate for breakfast.” Said Buffy as she dug into her plate full of pancakes.

“Some people are not breakfast people, eh Willow” said Tara looking at Willow who was taking small sips of the milk and had taken one bite from the apple. She really needs to eat more. “You should try to eat a little more, though Willow. You want a half of my toast?” Yeah, sure Tara she wants food off your plate. How gross.

Tara was surprised when the girl said “Ok” and she handed her over a piece of her toast. Tara watched as the girl took several small bites from the bread. She looked like the act of swallowing was painful. Tara had read about how anorexics and bulimics sometimes messed up their throats, and she wondered if that was what happened. It seemed to Tara that maybe Willow had seen her looking at her a few times, but she wasn’t sure.

+++
Tara noticed that Willow was returning from therapy with their therapist, Dr. Holt. She felt relieved when the woman did not immediately call her, hoping that she wouldn’t have to sit in the room with this woman again. But her luck was not that good, and after writing something in the log, the woman called for Tara.

Tara got up and had the strange feeling that someone was looking at her, she tried to glimpse behind herself, but didn’t see anything. They walked down the hallway and into the therapy room. Tara sat down and looked at the woman expecting her to ask her a question. When the woman was quiet, Tara decided that maybe she didn’t want to talk today, so she looked up at the ceiling and imagined what she would be doing if she was at home. What time is it? 11:00. I’d be in Civics with Mr. Giles. He was always so nice to me. I swear he noticed some of my bruises, but he never questioned it, unlike that nosy Mrs. Calendar.

"So Tara, how are things going?”

“Ok, and with yourself?”

“Where did you get these manners.”

“M..my mom, I guess.”

“Well, they are very good, but you don’t need to be polite. This is your time, it doesn’t matter what is going on with me.

“Sorry,” said Tara feeling bad that she’d not followed some therapy protocol. Ok, note, don’t ask therapist about how she is.

“Nothing to be sorry about, just trying to let you focus on yourself. I get the feeling that you’re not particularly familiar with that concept.”

“Huh?”

“Focusing on yourself. It seems that you spent a lot of your life taking care of your sick mother, and then your brother and father.”

“Who told you that?”

“I read it in your social history.”

“I have a social history?”

“Sure, the social worker interviewed your dad after you came in, and we have some school records and the hospital records.”

Well if my Dad was the person who told you things about me, they are probably not true. I wonder if he mentioned that he regularly called me devil spawn, or that he used to beat Mama, or that… I’m sure he did not mention…

“What are you thinking about? I can see the wheels turning behind those lovely blue eyes?”

“Nothing.”

The therapist cocked an eyebrow.

“I was thinking about what my dad probably told the social worker and what he didn’t.”

“What do you think he left out?”

“I don’t know.”

“Teenager’s favorite escape, ‘I don’t know’, it just means that you don’t want to say…”

Tara felt herself getting defensive. “Well I don’t know what he told you, so I can’t know what he left out. Let me guess. Tara comes from a very devout religious family, her mother died. Her poor father takes care of her and her brother. The saint.”

“So what about that isn’t true?”

“It’s all true.”

“So why so angry about it?”

“I don’t know.”

“Ok, Tara new rule, no more ‘I don’t know’, just say, ‘pass’”

‘So again, why are you so mad about it.”

“Pass.”

“What do you think your father left out?”

“Pass.” Hey this is sort of fun.

“What do you wish he had told the social worker?”

“Pass…no…I’d like for him to admit that he didn’t treat Mama very well. But I am sure he made himself look like the poor widower.”

“What did he do to your Mama?”

“Pass.”

“What did he do to you?”

“Pass.”

“What did he do to your brother.”

“Nothing, Donny is perfect.”

“Is he?”

“No, he’s an asshole, but Daddy thinks he is perfect.”

“What makes him an asshole?”

“Pass.”

The therapist paused, realizing that she was not going to get information out of this girl very easily. She decided to change the subject.

“So, what do you want to talk about today? I hear you had a bad dream last night.”

“How did you know?”

“Staff told me.”

“Oh, yeah, Willow told them.”

“What was it about?”

“I don’t remember.” Yeah, tell her about your father fucking you because he’s drunk and convinced that you are your dead mother. She’d really like that, like she’d believe it anyway. Mr. Maclay, upstanding God-fearing, deacon of the church, wouldn’t do that. Just devil spawn would make up those kinds of lies.

“Really?”

“Pass.”

“So how is the cutting going?”

“Fine.”

“I hear that fine means “fucked up, insecure, neurotic and emotional’”

Tara was amazed to hear that type of language coming from an adult’s mouth.

“Who told you that?”
“
Some other client.”

“Well, I meant the real fine.”
“
So what does fine mean to you?”

“Just what it sounds like, my cutting is doing fine.”

“Does that mean that you are doing a good job cutting on the sly? Or that you are doing a good job not cutting?”

Tara knew that she needed to lie, “the second one.”

“Good to hear it. You know we need to talk about why you do that right?”
“Right, but not now. Can I go back to English. I hate missing English.”

“Sure, what is it about you guys, not wanting to miss school? All my other students have always wanted to get out of school.”

“Maybe your other students didn’t appreciate what they had,” said Tara walking down the hallway with the therapist.

They entered the classroom, Tara sat down and looked at Willow who was doing her schoolwork.

She is so freaking cute, maybe that’s what I should be talking to this therapist about. My unnatural urges. Tara felt herself blushing, and she tried to focus on her schoolwork.

[Zampsa1975]

Yay for good update-y goodness... Both Tara and Willow sure are messed up... I truly hope that they very soon start their own special healing process...

[taranwillow4ever]

See previous chapters for disclaimers.

Chapter One: The Maples

Tara (cont)

After lunch, there was a meeting to discuss Faith’s behavior during the evening group. At the Maples, students who “acted out” needed to come to the group and explain their behaviors, why they did them, how they were thinking and feeling, how it affected their peers and staff, and what they planned to do differently the next time.

The group had made their circle of chairs. Willow and Tara were sitting next to each other and were directly opposite Faith who was looking rather forlorn. The rest of the girls looked bored.

“So, Tara you’ve been here awhile, why don’t you say expectations,” said the adult leading the group.

“Expectations for group; Raise Hand to be called on, one person speaks at a time, no peer bashing, group is confidential. After two warnings from staff they can choose to either during or after the group,”

“That was good. Do you want to run the rest of the group?”

“Sure… evaluate goals, Buffy”

“My goal for today was to do my school work. I did fabulous.”

“Anya?”

“My goal was to keep my remarks appropriate, I did good job. Not excellent, because I said something provocative during Math. I said….”

“Anya, that would be doing it again. Your vague comment was good,” commented the staff member.

Tara looked at the young woman and saw t hat she was going to stay quiet.

“Amy?”

“My goal was to say three positive things during school. I did fabulous. I said five.

“Cordelia?”

“Um…I can’t remember my goal from this morning.”

“Can anyone remember Cordelia’s goal?” asked the staff member.

Anya raised her hand. The staff member acknowledged her nonverbally.

“Cordie’s goal was to say two nice things to her peers.”

“So did Cordie say anything nice to any of you today?” asked the staff member.

There was an awkward silence.

“Well Cordelia, do you remember saying anything nice?”

“Um…..” all of the participants could see Cordelia mentally going though a list of all the people she came in contact with and trying to remember anything nice she said or did. “Um, I kept my thoughts quiet and didn’t laugh when Buffy did the math problem completely wrong.”

“That was not nice, and it was not nice that you brought that up again,” chided one of the staff members.

“Ok, Ok, lets just say I made a ‘needs improvement’ on my goal this period. I will try better the rest of the shift.”

“Willow?”

“Um. My goal was to follow directions the first time given. I did fabulous.”

“My goal was to tell people what I think in an appropriate manner,” Said Tara.

“I did fabulous.”

“Who did you give feedback to?” asked the group leader.

“My therapist.” She can’t question that. Therapy is confidential.

The staff member nodded and gestured for Tara to continue the meeting.

“Any feedback on goals?”

Tara looked around and nobody was raising their hands. “Schedule”

“Now we are going to have a processing group for Faith. Then we will all go outside for PE, after that some of you have Art and the others have individual therapy, after that is quiet time, then Rec therapy, dinner, evening group, hobbies/crafts, chores, showers, snack, meds, bed. Tara you did a good job running group. I will take over now.”

All eyes focused on Faith who looked like she wanted to fade into the chair in which she was sitting.

“So Miss Lehane, why are you the focus of this meeting, what did you do?

“Um” Faith bit her lip. “Um, we were having a group, and Blondie, I mean Tara was about to tell us why she was here, when she started to stutter. I was feeling bad after a peer asked me about whether my mom’s boyfriends had messed around with me and I wanted to make someone else feel bad so I teased her. After that, staff told me to take a time out and I decided that it was a good time to get out some anger, so I fought the staff, ended up being restrained and secluded, banged on the door until I was tired, and then went to sleep. All today I’ve been following the rules, and I talked to my therapist about stuff.”

“What were you thinking and feeling?”

“Um. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I was feeling really cra… bad and I felt like fighting or something.”

“How do you think your behaviors affected your peers and the staff?”

“Well, Bl..I mean Tara probably felt bad when I teased her about her stuttering. I’m sure that she’s been teased before, I am sorry Tara, “ the girl looked directly at Tara, “The rest of the kids probably didn’t like having to go to their rooms, and the staff probably didn’t like having to restrain me. I think I might have bruised a few of them.”

“So what is your plan for the next time?”

“I’m going to try to keep my negative comments to myself. Try to think a bout how what I say can affect others, and talk more about the stuff that has happened to me both in group and in individual therapy.”

“Does anyone have any questions, comments or feedback?”

Amy raised her hand and was acknowledged by the group leader.

“I just want you to know that it is really hard for me to hear you being restrained. It sort of brings up memories of some of my abuse.”

“Mine too,” blurted out Anya. She put her hand over her mouth.

Buffy raised her hand,

“Buffy?”

“Um, it’s kind of hard to hear you fighting too. I want to fight so bad, and when I see you doing it, it makes me think that maybe I can do it. But I don’t want to go back to that stuff.”

“Good feedback Buffy. Willow, Tara do you have any feedback?”

“Um…n..no.” stuttered Tara. “I w..w..was sort of relieved that I didn’t have to tell people my story.” Idiot, why did you say that. Now they are going to remember that you have to do it.

Several of the girls laughed, all knowing that they had at times been saved from difficult situations by a peer getting in trouble.

“Willow?”

“Um…try not to do it again. It..it scared me a little bit too.”

“Well, girls. You did a good job, and Tara, you are not off the hook, next meeting you are going to tell the group why you are here, and Miss Rosenberg, your turn will be soon.”

Both girls blushed and met each other’s eyes. The group separated and went off to the next activity.

Willow

That night, Willow and Tara were getting ready for bed. Willow had taken her shower and was working on some math homework. Tara came into the room wrapped up in her bathrobe. It was very hot inside their room, and Willow figured that Tara must be sweltering.

Willow looked up from her homework and said, “You don’t have to hide your cuts and scars from me. This is your room. I won’t say anything. I promise.”

Tara looked at Willow and saw that the girl seemed sincere. She took off her robe and sat down on the bed and began brushing her long hair. She looked up and saw that the other girl was watching her with rapt attention. When Willow noticed that Tara had noticed her, she quickly averted her eyes and went back to her studying.

“It’s Ok.”

“Huh?”

“It’s Ok if you look at me. I know I am a freak.”

“No. No, “said Willow sitting up on her bed. “You are not a freak, I am. I’m always staring at people liar; girls Rosenberg, you rarely stare at boys. It’s a really bad habit.

Well, maybe we are both freaks,” said Tara, blushing and looking straight into her roommate’s green eyes.

They held each others’ gaze for a moment longer than would be appropriate in most circles, and then both shyly looked away. Just then, a staff member knocked on the door and told them it was lights out. Tara got up from her bed and walked across the room to turn out the light. Willow watched her walk, and it seemed that maybe a tiny bit of drool came out of her mouth, and she quickly sucked it back in. Tara noted the sound, but had no idea what it was. She walked back to her bed and lay down.

The two of them were quiet for a few moments, and then Willow said, “Tara…can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“You promise not to be mad?”

“I’ll try not to.”

“Um…I noticed that some of your cuts are sorta…sorta…fresh. What are you using to do it?”

Tara gulped, should I tell her “Um...I…I…f.ff…found a metal thingy in the classroom.”

“The paper clip?”

“You saw that?”

“Uh, huh. I just didn’t know why you had taken it.”

“Did anyone else see it?” said Tara starting to feel panicked.

“Don’t think so. I suspect if anyone had seen it, they’d have come searched for it.”

“I guess you are right.” There was another long silence.

“Why do you do it?” asked Willow.

“Why do you not eat?” replied Tara rather quickly.

“Lots of reasons, “said Willow.

“Same here.”

“Will you tell me one?”

“If you will.”

“It gives me control over my pain”

“Mine’s about control too.”

“I guess we are a lot alike.”

“Probably. Listen, I like talking to you, but I am really tired tonight. Can we finish this conversation tomorrow?”

“Sure,” said Willow. “I’ll look forward to it.”

Tara yawned, “me too.”

Willow lay on her bed listening to Tara fall asleep. Once her breathing became rhythmic, Willow herself felt herself lulled to sleep. This girl must give off sleepy hormones. When she’s asleep, I feel sleepy. Willow rolled over and went to sleep.

[Zampsa1975]

Yay for good update-y goodness... Big yay for Willow and Tara starting to talk about why they are doing things to themselves... I hope it soon leads to snuggle therapy and

[JujuDeRoussie]

I'm so glad that the girls feel comfortable enough to talk about what they're doing. Ihope that they'll manage to keep the other from doing more damags, but I feel like it'll take some time. :/

I am sorry for the lack of feedback before, I'm being lazy again. Hope to read more, soon.

Julia.

PS: Tara should totally talk about her attraction to Willow, if only so that it can open the discussion for deeper topics.