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Broken Dolls [May 3rd]

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Re: Broken Dolls [March 13th]

Postby hondos » Mon Apr 21, 2008 3:22 pm

:tumble ((enters thread ,coughing and waving hand in front of face to keep dust out of my eyes))

Well... :hmm .I think what we need here is some .....something?...to inspire the writer of this story to please,please, well, do something with it....
So,I and my Wonderful little green dude are going to do the naked ggrrowwll please update table dance...((looks around seeing no table))or just dance :paranoid ....right here in this thread for you as insperation..
"Spook, hey Spook?? :impatient .Damn it..SPOOK!!!" :impatient
Where the hell is he now...((looking around and hears moaning))

:rage :fit :angry :fit2 :crash

"HEY,HEY, TURN THAT OFF!!! THOSE ARE BAD VIDEOS OF BROKEN SHEILA :shy :shy AND WE DID NOT COME :sheep . :shock ..here.. :shock ..too.. :shock :shock .watch :shock ppppooooorrrnnn.. :thud . :whip :thud :sheep .How did she get her feet up like that?" :clap :seesaw
((Sits next to Spook and closes his beak for him)) :drool
"You're drooling Spook"
:ghost :glasses "Dude,got any popcorn?" :ghost :glasses
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Re: Broken Dolls [March 13th]

Postby JujuDeRoussie » Sat Sep 13, 2008 1:18 am

Hi! I know it has been a very long time since I last posted, and I am sorry Kittens! Writer's block hit me full force in the face.

I am back with a small chapter, but a chapter none the less. I hope you will forgive for the delay, and the future delays to come as I am now a student and so will have to put my studies in priority! But at the same time it is English studies so I should manage to find time to write, saying it is to train! ;-)

Plus it is a "non-sponsored by Kleenex" update!

I will answer to all your wonderful feedbacks later, I thank you for your patience, I hope I have not loose all of you somewhere in the 3rd page where poor Fic has lost itself.

Well.... Let's go with the fic!!!


[hr]Edited to add my answer to your feedbacks! :)
Hondos: Congrats on the DIBS? Wel it was kinda easy to get'em! ;-)
Hi Rose :)
Poor Rebecca indeed, I love so much that I'm angry at myself for doing this to her. But of course it has to be that way.
Sorry for your hands with Sheila, you should buy some boxing gloves or however they're nammed in English! lol
Giles is always nice for me Understanding, maybe not always able to say things right, but always having good intentions.
Glad you loved it. Now put the video back into sheila's cabinet before she notices it's missing, I thought she had locked it but well... And yes she is flexible. ;-)
zampsa1975: hi! Thanks for reading. We are all hoping for Willow to find ways. :)
Halo: Allo? C'est Chico! Oh Oh! Lol ok it is not funny.
/me gives the Kleenex box to Halo.
So you're not convinced by Sheila huh? Me neither. It all seems to be out of guilt, so wrong reason to do things.
Yes it is Tintin's bad guy, Rastapopoulos here is a good guy and much more good looking. Lol. But I needed a name and had fun. :) (conspiracing: imagine English speaking people trying to pronunce his name? ;-) )
For once it was not astéirx but Tintin!! lol.
Thanks for reading, see you soon!
MsKittyB:Hi!
/me gives a hug to the tough but crying MsKittyB!
Giles and Jenny are really important characters. :)
Sheila will eventually get slapped, as soon as Rose is finished with punching her. lol.
Thanks JàSenda (sorry the "à" is not the good one but I actually don't have the other one).
Littlebit: Thanks for reading. :) Yeah, things are so different in a child's head. :)
nimloth: Thanks. I try to stay true to how children feel. It's not always easy. I have read some fictions where whildren thought like adults and it was weird.
Thanks for my little Tara. :)
PaintTheSky: Hi! :)
I'm so very glad you like my writing!
This safe place both our girls have built will be their life line.
I fear there will be damages for our girls. Which, I think, will make the Happy Ending much more enjoyable.
I really need Giles and Jenny here to be some sort of normal people. Their role in this is really important. But I won't say more. :p
Thanks for reading.
Dax: Hi! Yeah how could have you missed it? ;-)
Thanks. Yeahit is sa, I know. Hence The stadium's Goddesses. ;-) [hr]

Title: Broken Dolls
Author: Juju DeRoussie
Rating: NC 17 over all. Not for good things at first I fear.
Disclaimers: I do not own any characters coming from the TV show Buffy The Vampire Slayer. I do not make money from this. I do however own all of the other characters.
Spoilers:None, this is totally uber.
Distribution: Please feel free to ask :)
Summary:This is the hard part for me, I suck at summary. The lives of two pretty dolls, from childhood to the end of teenagehood and the beginning of adulthood. Life isn't always a gift. There are many demons. Not the metaphorical kind.
WARNING: This story will be about abuses. Mental as well as physical. If you are sensible, please do not read this. If you think you can't handle it I prefer for you to not read this. I am serious. I prefer for you to not read this than to read it and get upset. I know this subjects can be difficult, so don't ignore this warning! Thanks :)
Feedback: Please very much so. Anykind as long as it is said kindly. :) And please if you have any suggestion, tell me. :)
Thanks: To these dear persons who encouraged me. And of course, thanks to June who told me to not be afraid of writing this. :)
NOTE: THIS FIC HAS BEEN SPONSORED BY KLEENEX! SO BE READY LOL. (of course not really 'cause I don't make anymoney!)
NOTE 2: This chapter has not been betaed, English is not my native language, so please forgive me if it becomes hard for your eyes, and don't hesitate to show me my mistakes, but kindly of course. (And I have been told I had to improve my gerund, passive voice and modals... I will work on it).

To my dear Vnoucka, Élo, and Vivige.


[center]Chapter V[/center]


[hr]
Entering her home this Friday evening, Willow Rosenberg was assaulted by a surprising sight and a wonderful smell. Blinking several times to see if her dream would fade away, she was totally shocked when nothing changed.

"Hello Willow! You're home late! Your schedule on the fridge said your last class ended at 3:00pm! How are you baby? Are you alright?" Asked Sheila, coming out of the kitchen and wearing an apron. Worried. Definitely wearing a worried expression on her face.

What's going on? Is it my birthday? No it is not my birthday. My birthday is in July, we're so not in July. It is not hers either. What is it? Thought Willow a bit bewildered by her mother's behaviour. By her mother's presence. Period.

"Willow?" Sheila asked once again when Willow didn't answer, and just stared at her as if seeing an alien.

"Oh sorry Mom. Yes I'm fine, I stayed at the library until Mr Giles had to close at 6:30 pm. I didn't know you would be home so early. Why are you home already? Are you alright? You're not sick are you?" babbled Willow, a sudden worry for her mother, and need to find a logical explanation to tell the truth, making its way into the red haired girl's mind.

"What? No Sweetie, I am fine, I missed my baby girl that's all. I've decided to come home right after work to make your favorite dinner and some cookies. Are you glad I did this for you?" Asked Sheila, pleased with her idea. She didn't noticed the hint of sacrifice she put in her answer.

"Sure, I am very surprised but totally happy." Said Willow, her anger of the previous day almost forgotten. She hugged her mother tightly, daring to hope for it to be a new start for the both of them.

"What do you say you go put your schoolbag in your room, wash your hands and come help me in the kitchen? Yeah?"

And the Rosenberg home was filled with a mother and a daughter once again. Some topics being avoided.

But for the first time in a very long time, Willow and her mother chatted happily, Sheila listened to her daughter, who in return, to not worry her too much lied a bit about Middle School and her "friends". But all in all, they spent the evening planning what they would do the following day and had a real family bonding moment.

Please let it be this way all the time. Prayed silently Willow.

***

The weekend went by and the Maclay family found itself on Sunday night exhausted but happy. They went to the Aquarium where Tara had the wonderful opportunity to go in the water with two other kids and two very nice women. And five dolphins, one even letting himself be held by the kids. They had pictures and wonderful memories engraved in their brains.

"Go wash your hands baby, I am making some sandwiches to not go to sleep with an empty belly" Said Rebecca to her daughter, smiling and happy. Looking from the outside just at this scene, you would believe that nothing was wrong.

But as a cough took Rebecca suddenly, the reality was fast reminded.

Recovering from her cough, Rebecca smiled weakly at her daughter, hoping it would reassure her.

Tara smiled back at her mother, as weakly, but with no less love.

The little blonde's thoughts were wandering in places full of super hero always saving the innocents. As much as she knew nothing could be done, she wanted to try. She could feel her mother's anguish, she knew something big was coming. Soon. Could she become motherless sooner than it was already supposed to be? She wasn't sure she wanted to know.

What is going to happen next? I wonder if school will be mad at me to have missed class on Friday. Should I tell them about Mamma? What can I say? Thought the little blonde.

Hands washed and sandwiches ready to be eaten, Rebecca and Tara sat and enjoyed there sandwiches silentely, watching The Wizard of Oz on TV.

***

Sunday night had come too fast in Willow's liking. Her mother had indeed spent the whole weekend with her. They had gone to the movies, to do some shopping, she now had lots of new books and clothes. They had cooked together and watched a Disney movie together. Robin Wood. Willow had always loved this one. She was a bit old to watch this but nobody would know.

But Willow felt this kind of wonderful time with her mother wouldn't last. At one point her mother started to once again listen without listening. Hear her without listening. But she was still glad because at least Sheila was trying. And willow could understand that at one point, discussing some mathematics theories was not everybody's passion. To tell the truth it was not really a passion, but it was impressive.

Thinking about all of that, Willow tore all her researches she made out of anger. All plans to not need her mother anymore and be independent before 18. But all of this stayed in her brain. She would remember most of what she had learnt and where she had found information. And if things ever got bad again, she now knew Giles would help her.

Although Willow prayed with all her heart that would not be needed. She decided to go to spend her last half hour before bedtime with her mother, to enjoy the new closeness they had for the whole weekend.

***

Sheila was proud of herself. She had spent a whole weekend with her daughter, and had even enjoyed it! She had felt mother, and she sort of liked it. But it was tiring. She wasn't sure she wanted to try everyday. Some weekends would do. She was impressed with her daughter's smartness. She knew Willow was smart, but she always seemed to forgot how much. It was hard to keep up her with her sometimes. But it was good. She now really felt proud of her daughter, and could tell without feeling guilty about how smart her daughter was and how she made friends easily.

Sheila wondered for a moment if she should tell to Willow to organize a party with her friends sometimes. But then she thought about all the work it would do and how much tiring it would be, and she just couldn't do it. To be a mother was hard enough.

Plus, as much as she had enjoyed playing mom during the weekend, she had missed Harry. Well not as much Harry himself than their games. The feeling of freedom. The ability to be careless and not have to give a damn.

Maybe I could call him to ask him to come over tonight when Willow'll be in bed... Thought Sheila.

As she was about to take the phone, she saw Willow come to her.

"Hey baby girl, are you ready for bed yet?"

"Yes mom, I thought we could play some boardgame before I go to bed?" Asked a suddenly shy Willow.

"Oh that's a good idea Willow, we play once and then to bed you go how does it work? What would you like to play at? Scrabble?" Sheila asked, smiling. Actually finding it a good opportunity. She would play with her daughter, make her happy, and then she could enjoy Harry during the night.

"Sure mom, it's perfect, I'm going to get the game".

"You do that and I call a friend ok?"

Willow nodded and went to the cabinet where they had some boardgames, which always seemed odd to her since they were so rarely together, but she guessed it was the kind of things you always had in a home, like toilet paper.

In the meanwhile Sheila took the phone and went in her bedroom to have some privacy.

"Hello? Hi Harry... I'm fine thank you, how are you?... Yes I know I decided to spend the weekend with my daughter... Say I was wondering, would you like to come over tonight? In say 45 minutes?... Ok great then, yes in 1 hour is perfect. Oh and don't ring, the kid will be asleep, knock ok?.. Great. See ya later"

Smiling, Sheila went back to the living room where Willow had installed the game and was waiting for her.

She sat down and played with her daughter until bedtime. None of us won, but both were happy.

***

Monday morning found two young girls smiling, and obviously having spent a good weekend. If both had an hollowness in their eyes, a deep sadness, both were also harboring sincere smiles.

As much Willow as Tara could feel it was not long lasting, but both were enjoying what happiness they could find with their mothers.

Willow knew her mother's "friend" went home the previous night, they were a bit noisy. But her mother had spent the whole weekend with her and waited for her to be in bed to see him, and for this Willow was grateful and had forgotten all about her anger. Well buried it was more like it.

Tara had heard her mother coughed and cried, but she had also heard her mother telling her how much she loved her and how much she was beautiful while Tara was supposed to be asleep and faking it.

All of this was masking the pain, and only for that both girls felt grateful. And hopeful.[hr]

Thanks for reading, it is greatly appreciated.
Julia.
Last edited by JujuDeRoussie on Sat Sep 13, 2008 3:52 am, edited 1 time in total.
Broken Dolls |The Stadium's Goddesses | Seeds Of Beauty

"Joie est mon caractère, C'est la faute à Voltaire; Misère est mon trousseau, C'est la faute à Rousseau." Gavroche. Victor Hugo, Les Misérables (chap. XV)
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Re: Broken Dolls [March 13th]

Postby hondos » Sat Sep 13, 2008 1:19 am

DIBBS!!!!! Be back
Okay.Hi.How ya doing there Juju? Anyway, update .Finally.LOL
And a very good updaye as well.I love how happy Willow is in this update and I also feel horrible cause I know that the badness is not far off.for both girls .I still want to slap the shit out of Sheila.I think that Willow knows too.That's why she knew to keep her plan there in her mind just incase.She is wise little Willow.

I like the Robin Wood.That was good.LOL.And Tara.How cool for her to get to swim with the dolpines!!And so sad too.I know we are in for a big load of owie very soon.

For some reason, I dont know why exactly,it reminded me of a line from the CS Lewis movie about Love being a strong cattalist for pain.The question being is the happiness that they are having now,worth the pain later.I think in both cases here you show that it is indeed worth it.Making the point even to suggest the memory forever in Tara's brain and this is wonderful.

They are so very wise these to and strong the way they put on the brave faces and hold the good memories with them to help make it easier.

Its also intresting as well as sad when you make the direct commparision at the end to the situations.I get from this that the fact Rebecca is going to die is no different then Willows situation.Its just as aweful to lose someone to a sickness then it is to lose them to alcohol.Possibly harder.
Heartbreaking just the same.Short but wonderful was the update.I hope we see more soon,but I know your very busy so I will wait paitiently I guess...
Thank Juju,for sharing this story with us.Excelent as always...Now,Sex Goddess needs to be updated and pleased I will be.
Bye Sweetie,
Rose
Last edited by hondos on Sun Sep 14, 2008 1:00 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Broken Dolls [March 13th]

Postby Zampsa1975 » Sat Sep 13, 2008 3:08 am

Yay for great update-y goodness... Good that both Willow and Tara had a wonderful weeknend with their mother before all comes crashing down again...
We few, we happy few. We band of buggered.

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Re: Broken Dolls [March 13th]

Postby Paint the Sky » Sat Sep 13, 2008 4:35 am

Juju, an update at last :pinky

Our girls had a fantastic weekend with their mother's, so I just know tears and pain are not far away.

I don't think it is really in Sheila's make-up to play the dutiful Mother for long, and Willow is going to suffer all the harder for knowing how things could be.

I can't even bring myself to think about Tara, and how she will be feeling.

I just know my heart is going to break for both our girls.
People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built. Eleanor Roosevelt
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Re: Broken Dolls [September 13th]

Postby Dax » Sat Sep 13, 2008 12:51 pm

Juju my friend,
that was one very can I say beautyful ubdate, to see our two girls have a good weekend for once was heart warming.

Though, of course we all know that it won't last and after the high point the fall not only must but will come.

With Tara since her mother's condition will only get worse and it is obvious that Sheila won't be abel or indeed willing to "play" mother for any time longer.

But at least Willow knows that there are people she might be able to cound on if wors should come to worse ie Mr. Giles

Keep up the good work and I'm hopping for updates on the other projects of yours...
you know, the goddeses?

Your Friend

Dax

:yikes
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Re: Broken Dolls [September 13th]

Postby PolarBear » Mon Sep 15, 2008 12:24 am

You're back! :pinky And with a happy chapter for a change! I'm a bit late 'cos I wanted to read this from the beginning before proceeding to the new chapter.

It seems to me that Sheila is trying to try more than actually trying be with her daughter. She doesn't have her whole heart in it. I hope Giles (and possibly Jenny) can be there for Willow when she needs support. Rebecca, on the other hand, does everything she can and in the end it's still no use. Oh boy.

When it comes to your English, for me it's actually easier to read your writing than many natives. But that's probably because I'm not native myself and the language you use is more straightforward. And I DO NOT mean it's a bad thing :) I didn't see that many mistakes there either.

Thank you for updating.
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Re: Broken Dolls [September 13th]

Postby Guest » Mon Sep 22, 2008 9:57 pm

The relationship that the two girls have with their families does not fail to make the heart heavier. I was especially touched by an image of younger Willow playing scrabble with her mother before going to bed. In a way, the suffering that they are going through can only make the future loving moments that the two of them will share at a later stage more beautiful.

Writer's block does help in creating stronger updates when its effects wear off. It was a nice chapter Juju. Thank you for updating and all the best with your english studies.

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Re: Broken Dolls [September 13th]

Postby EvilKittycatofdoom » Fri Oct 03, 2008 1:49 am

This is a great story. Sad, But great.
Poor Willow and Tara. Especialy Tara. Having your mom die, especialy at such a young age, would suck.
I hope Willows relationship with her mom improves, I'm Doughtfull, but hoping.
More soon please?

:peace -Me
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Re: Broken Dolls [September 13th]

Postby Artemis » Mon Oct 20, 2008 7:58 am

It's nice to have some happiness, but this story never fails to elicit sniffles. I liked (so to speak) how Sheila made her flawed effort to make Willow happy - she's such a flawed person, and even spending time with Willow there's always the disquieting sense that she's trying to make up for her absence without really dealing with the cause of it. But she's a mother, and it's not that she doesn't have the desire to be with her daughter and be a good mother - she just lets herself fall into too many traps to follow through with it. Poor Willow, praying that things would be different - if only Sheila genuinely realised how much Willow just wanted her to be around.

And then Tara and Rebecca, such a contrast - it's really heartbreaking seeing Tara grapple with what's happening, not least because she filters it all through her incredibly caring, selfless perspective. That part earlier, where she offered the doctor Teddy Willow if he'd help her mother, that was a tissue moment if ever there was one.

I hope the writer's block and studies don't hamper you too much - I've been there plenty, in both cases, I know the feeling.
Chris Cook
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Re: Broken Dolls [04 Feb]

Postby Dorothy » Mon Oct 20, 2008 10:36 am

JujuDeRoussie wrote:
Poor Willow having to remind herself that she is a child. Its just heartbreaking.

Yes it is... So very much so. But is she really still a child if she is counscious of that?

Nope, you lose the kid long before that stage, as soon as the housekeeping get shrugged off as just "what needs to be done"



update update update!!!
soon pretty please?
Last edited by Dorothy on Mon Jul 16, 2012 9:23 am, edited 1 time in total.
Manchmal in der Nacht hab ich phantastische Träume. Aber wenn ish aufwach, quält mich die Angst.
Manchmal in der Nacht bin ich so hilflos und wünsch mir, es käm einer, der mich führt und beschützt.
(__/)
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Re: Broken Dolls [September 13th]

Postby JujuDeRoussie » Mon Oct 27, 2008 11:44 am

Dear Kittens, here are my thanks to the feedbacks, I will answer individually when I'll have an update ready to be posted. Which will not be right now, I am still very busy, and life has been pretty hard lately. too hard to right something as angsty as this fic.

But I wanted to say thank you to the person(s) who asked for Broken Dolls to be nominee at the SunnyD Awards. It sure makes my week, my month even, way brighter.


Thank you so much, all of you.

friendly,

Julia.
Broken Dolls |The Stadium's Goddesses | Seeds Of Beauty

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Re: Broken Dolls [September 13th]

Postby Dorothy » Wed Nov 19, 2008 3:06 pm

Now you made me angry, I've been away for like 5 days and still no update.
Ok, you don't have internet, gives you some time to write huh, so be sure to post an update when you get back online :kdevil

:p

(just pushing the thread up so you won't forget it :fallen)
Manchmal in der Nacht hab ich phantastische Träume. Aber wenn ish aufwach, quält mich die Angst.
Manchmal in der Nacht bin ich so hilflos und wünsch mir, es käm einer, der mich führt und beschützt.
(__/)
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Re: Broken Dolls [September 13th]

Postby masterjendu » Mon Dec 29, 2008 12:24 am

Image

Image

Congrats, Juju!
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Re: Broken Dolls [September 13th]

Postby SJ » Mon Dec 29, 2008 3:38 am

Congratulations!
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Re: Broken Dolls [September 13th]

Postby jay/wt4evr » Mon Dec 29, 2008 3:45 am

Congratulations Juju!!
|| Fanart...sort of || Short poetry || A little bit of smut never hurt anyone | Nothing left | Promise || Text ||

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Re: Broken Dolls [September 13th]

Postby Zampsa1975 » Mon Dec 29, 2008 3:49 am

Congrats Juju!
We few, we happy few. We band of buggered.

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Re: Broken Dolls [September 13th]

Postby Dorothy » Mon Dec 29, 2008 10:59 am

Best Angst :D you SO DESERVED that award :D I love this fic
Manchmal in der Nacht hab ich phantastische Träume. Aber wenn ish aufwach, quält mich die Angst.
Manchmal in der Nacht bin ich so hilflos und wünsch mir, es käm einer, der mich führt und beschützt.
(__/)
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Re: Broken Dolls [September 13th]

Postby Dax » Mon Dec 29, 2008 11:44 am

Congratulations my dear friend and tranclater!!!

:pride

Your friend
Dax
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Re: Broken Dolls [September 13th]

Postby jasmydae » Thu Feb 05, 2009 7:55 am

Julia,

Hope the chat was helpful, and that the writing bug starts biting again. I've really enjoyed this story up to this point. Grab me any time if you need somebody to bounce ideas off of.

~ Megan
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Re: Broken Dolls [September 13th]

Postby tacoda13 » Mon Feb 09, 2009 9:35 am

In my opinion, this story NEEDS TO BE FINISHED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love how little willow and tara made their promises and switched favorite possessions. Need more though!!!!
Temptation is my torture.
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Re: Broken Dolls [September 13th]

Postby Dax » Tue Mar 17, 2009 11:23 am

Still a really hunting sad and at the same time great story, that I can't wait for the next chapter.

Hope you have some very good input while you're away in the City of Angels my friend.

Dax
:yikes
Today my friend, your diary entry will read: Took a […] hostage and got shoot by three armed bastards.”
Gene Hunt – Ashes to Ashes
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Re: Broken Dolls [September 13th]

Postby Dorothy » Fri Mar 27, 2009 9:01 am

*paciently sits in corner and waits for update without even dropping the most subtle of hints*
Manchmal in der Nacht hab ich phantastische Träume. Aber wenn ish aufwach, quält mich die Angst.
Manchmal in der Nacht bin ich so hilflos und wünsch mir, es käm einer, der mich führt und beschützt.
(__/)
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Re: Broken Dolls [September 13th]

Postby *WILLOW* » Mon Mar 30, 2009 10:11 am

Sooo good. Update soon please. :pray
"No drinking, no drugs, no kissing, no tattoos, no peircing, no ritual animal slaughterings of any kind...oh GOD I'm giving them ideas!"
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Re: Broken Dolls [September 13th]

Postby Dorothy » Sat Apr 04, 2009 11:16 am

I agree with the Wilow
*ok, going back in my corner now for ehhhh, 27.75 hours*
Warning, I will come out in the case of no update (and I don't mean outta tha closet, is there a closet, was there ever?)
Manchmal in der Nacht hab ich phantastische Träume. Aber wenn ish aufwach, quält mich die Angst.
Manchmal in der Nacht bin ich so hilflos und wünsch mir, es käm einer, der mich führt und beschützt.
(__/)
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Re: Broken Dolls [September 13th]

Postby JujuDeRoussie » Sun Apr 05, 2009 2:44 pm

Hello Kittens! Remember me? Remember this story? I'm so ashamed to be that bad at updating. :blush
But tonight I came with an update! Ok it is kinda short, but better than nothing right? :paranoid

Here the answers to your wonderful feedbacks. Thank you so much.

Hondos: Dearest Rose, I think you'll soon want to stop slapping Sheila... To start doing other stuff to her. Not especially nicer things though. Our girls are strong indeed, but it won't be really easy from now on. Much to face. Much struggle. But a butterfly as to struggle out of its chrysalis to be able to fly. :)
I hope you'll like this update as well, even though it is short.
*hugs tight.

Zampsa1975: Yay for feedback-y goodness... Good for them indeed... poor sweeties they are. Bad me. :paranoid

PaintTheSky: Yes, update at least. I really feel bad about being so slow at updating, and then offering soshort updates. :blush Heart-breaking updates even. Thanks for still reading though. :)

Dax: My dear Friend, I'm glad you were warmed by the update, I fear the next one won't be as warming. :paranoid
*hugs Thanks my friend. :)

PolarBear: Hi! I guess it is the down side of me updating so slowly... you have to read from the beginning. Thanks for taking the time though. I fear that Sheila isn't trying to play mother indeed, more like trying to try. But in any cases she do it out of guilt, more to be like Joyce, and not at all with her heart. Thank you for reading :)

Nimloth: Thanks Vi' :)

EvilKittycatofdoom: Thank you! :) More yes, Soon... huh it seems I don't know "soon" anymore... Sorry? :blush

Artemis: Hello :) Yay my story elicits sniffles! Maybe I shouldn't be so happy about that but... still... I think that Sheila can't be into motherhood because she is... I guess "fucked" up for lack of a better word. Oh and about the part where Tara offers her Teddy Willow to the doctor is for me one of the most beautiful scene I wrote. Cute and heart-breaking at once. Thank you so much for everything! :)

Dorothy: At long last here is your promised update. I don't think we're even yet, but I'm on my way! :)I hop eyou'll like it. Thanks for pushing me, and thanks for other things ;-)
*hugs

masterjendu: Thanks for showing the awards BD got. Thanks for those who voted for it. It means a lot to me.

Jasmydae: the chat was really helpful, thank you so much dear fellow Kitopian! :) *hugs

tacoda13: And this story will be finished. :) Thanks. Although I can't guaranty in how much time it'll be finished. lol.

*WILLOW*: Thanks. Lucky you you get an update soon 'cause you posted not long ago! :)

Once again, Thank you all for reading this story. (Thanks SJ? Jay, Sami, Do' and Bernd for the congrats :) )

And now on with the story. :)

[hr]
Title: Broken Dolls
Author: Juju DeRoussie
Rating: NC 17 over all. Not for good things at first I fear.
Disclaimers: I do not own any characters coming from the TV show Buffy The Vampire Slayer. I do not make money from this. I do however own all of the other characters.
Spoilers:None, this is totally uber.
Distribution: Please feel free to ask :)
Summary:This is the hard part for me, I suck at summary. The lives of two pretty dolls, from childhood to the end of teenagehood and the beginning of adulthood. Life isn't always a gift. There are many demons. Not the metaphorical kind.
WARNING: This story will be about abuses. Mental as well as physical. If you are sensible, please do not read this. If you think you can't handle it I prefer for you to not read this. I am serious. I prefer for you to not read this than to read it and get upset. I know this subjects can be difficult, so don't ignore this warning! Thanks :)
Feedback: Please very much so. Anykind as long as it is said kindly. :) And please if you have any suggestion, tell me. :)
Thanks: To these dear persons who encouraged me and the new persons who've started to encourage me. And of course, thanks to June who told me to not be afraid of writing this. :)
NOTE: THIS FIC HAS BEEN SPONSORED BY KLEENEX! SO BE READY LOL. (of course not really 'cause I don't make any money!)
NOTE 2: This chapter has not been betaed, English is not my native language, so please forgive me if it becomes hard for your eyes, and don't hesitate to show me my mistakes, but kindly of course.
To my dear Vnoucka, Élo, and Vivige.

[hr]
[center]Chapter 6[/center]

[hr]The weather was nice. Really nice. It was warm yet not too hot, there was a light breeze now and then, but no bothering wind. Here and there, on a tree you could hear some birds singing their love and happiness. It was a Friday, so people around were only thinking about the weekend, and going through work with plastered smiles on their faces.

It was a perfect day for most people. So beautiful and full of promises.

***

Willow had enjoyed her mother's efforts for a few months now, and endured the shame at night to here her mother having sex with men. Yes plurals. She had tried many things to not hear the moans and grunts but they were so loud. She wore wax earplugs every night now, it kept the noise at bay... most of it anyway. The worst was in the mornings. She would wake up to a silent home, make herself ready for school alone like she had always had to, but also clean things she didn't want to know about. Sometimes a man or another was asleep on the couch, almost naked. It always freaked her out. She was scared of those strangers.

She had understood by now what happened at night. However, it did not mean she understood how it happened. How her mother could be so careless about all of it. She felt as if her mother was forgetting about her as soon as it was bedtime. Moreover, this feeling was making her feel guilty because she knew her mother was already making time for her and she should feel grateful. Lately the guilt was eating her up.

So much that she even skipped class. Yes, Willow Rosenberg skipped class. She was walking aimlessly in the sun, enjoying its rays' light caress on her pale skin. She had walked like this for some hours now; she had escaped her very busy home in a hurry at 6:30, one hour before she had to for her bus.

That morning she went downstairs after having showered and with her school bag all set; she had come to a very weird scene and it had scared so much that she had to run away. Her mother had laid on the sofa, fully naked and only covered by two male bodies. Naked as well of course. And the smell had been horrible, a combination of what she knew now was sex and sweat. It had been so strong that she had been scared to be sick. She had been scared. Period.

She did not want to face anybody, nor "home". She just wanted to be alone.

Willow found a shadowy spot near an abandoned warehouse and sat. Silently crying.

***

She wiped her sweaty palms on the dark fabric once again. This dress was awful but it was not supposed to be pretty anyway. But it was also uncomfortable, the kind of dress too warm and itchy. And shapeless. A sack.

Yet she did not care one bit, she actually could not care less. Was she wearing something? Then what? Who cared about what could happen now? She did not care one bit. Well almost.

"Hey T, come on let's go, Dr Rastapopulos is here" said a dark haired girl to a blonde headed girl. Automatically Tara got up, smoothed her dark dress and followed the other girl downstairs. Well at least she was not alone. Well not exactly.

"I'll bring them back right away Mrs. Robinson, don't worry." Said Dr Rastapopulos to a middle-aged woman. She nodded at him and then looked at Tara, her eyes full of sympathy for the poor young girl.

***

The red haired girl got up from her shadowy place and walked inside the warehouse. She had never been there for it was forbidden and Willow Rosenberg never went were she was not allowed to. But today...

Today was a brand new one, and a brand new Willow was born. She mourned herself but she could not ignore the change. She could not avoid it either.

Today she would stop hoping things would really change, from now on she would make them change or face them.

***

Tara was so angry. It was not a usual emotion for the young blonde head. Especially not when it was toward this person. Her mother. Yet here she was, feeling so many things. Anger was one of the emotions. As well as guilt, love, sorrow. Betrayal. She also felt betrayed. However, any time a negative feeling would make its way in her heart, guilt would wash tenfold.

How could she abandon me? How could she leave like that? How could she have lied to me about where we were going? Angry tears menaced to over flow her eyes and she blinked them away.

She had not seen her mother in over 7 months now. She remembered the haunted and desperate look in her mother's eyes when she dropped her to the youth center. This look would never fade away from her memory. She had fought then. Not wanting to let her mother go.

She had fought for months after that. She had fought against kids who were very mean and trying to steal her few possessions, she had fought against the staff for not letting her go away. Later, she had fought to not go to the foster family. But mostly she had fought the tears and the despair that found her every so often.

In all this fighting, her gentle soul had cherished even more Willow's memory. The only moment she did not fight was when she was curled in a fetal position in the darkness of her bedroom at the center. Even though she was not alone in the room, she still felt free there. So she could hold on Teddy Willow for dear life and cry herself to sleep. It was her only comfort.

Now she wished she had taken it with her. She was grateful that Faith was coming along. It was the only friend she made at the center, and they had been both lucky enough to end up in the same foster family. She was not Willow, but let's be honest, at least she was real. Sometimes Tara wondered if Willow was. And, even if she was, it was one day in her life. It was all. Nothing more.

Yet nothing held more importance that this day now. Her dearest memory.

"I know you mustn't be hungry but... Do you want to go to eat something on our way there?" Asked the middle aged doctor.

Tara stayed silent, empty eyes looking at her folded hands. Faith looked at her and said "Would you mind Sir?"

The man shook is head and said "Ihop?"

Faith nodded enthusiastically. Tara kept on fighting her negative feelings.

***

A loud bang had woken her up that morning. She believed it was Willow who had not been careful when closing the flat's door. In any cases she had not been able to go back to sleep afterwards.

Although she had been surprised to find herself between two handsome men, she soon had recovered and had decided to give them a good waking call. This had been very much enjoyed.

And now she was late for work. Actually, she was more than late for it was about noon by now. Strangely, she did not care. She was tired to go to this place where people were all so serious and did not know fun. She took right there and then a decision: to quit her work.

What's the point in going to that place anyway? I'll find a better and funnier job. I still get money from those videos Harry made of us. Yeah that's it. I'm quitting this boring place!! Thought Sheila.

As her "friends" left her place, she promised them to see them again soon, and then cleaned a bit the mess they had done the night before, starting by putting away the video camera. When she went to the kitchen to fletch some stuff to clean, she found herself unable to know where things were put.

Now now, where does a genius 11 years old girl put all the cleaning stuff? Of course! The closet under the stairs!

That was one of the thing Sheila loved the most about her flat: it had a second floor. Of course, she would have preferred a house but she could not afford one. If she had not had a kid to raise by herself she could have though. Sometimes she resented Willow for having kept her from doing so many things!

I guess I can't go back anyway... Plus Willow isn't a bad daughter, and she isn't needy. I suppose I can't actually complain? On this thought, Sheila started her cleaning session.

***

Hunger made her leave the wonderful place that was the warehouse, but she promised herself she would come to investigate it some more after having found something to eat.

She looked into the depth of her pockets, bag, and found about 4 dollars in small change. She went to a drugstore not far and bought a bottle of water and a sandwich.

She made her way back to the warehouse and sat against a huge pillar while she ate there, day dreaming of living there. She could imagine the place so well in her mind. Right now, there was no more beautiful place than her daydream house. It included Tara, making the warehouse the real castle where they both were safe and happy.

She fell asleep with a smile on her face.


***

After a stop at an Ihop as promised, they went back on the road.

After about half an hour, they parked. Tara exited the car and headed like a zombie toward the open gates.

The dark haired girl jogged to her friend and put a comforting hand around her shoulders, squeezing once to tell her she was there if ever needed.

Tara suddenly stopped. She did not know what directions to take, thankfully the gentle Doctor reached her and smiled to her. In a sweet and low voice, he said "Over there, up the hill, under the tree over there. I'll be right behind ok?" at her nod he turned back to greet some nurses.

Both girls made their way to the spot indicated by Dr Rastapopulos in silence.

Tara felt her chest get heavier and her heart tighten. A big lump formed in her throat and her eyes burned. Her hands began to shake and breathing was harder and harder.

They arrived and she fell on her knees, a cry of anguish escaping her lips, her face a broken grimace.

"Mamma"

***

[blockquote]My Sunshine,

I wish I had more time with you, I wish I could have been there for when you'll turn from little girl to teenager to woman. You will always be my little baby though. I am so sorry to have put you through the sorrow I saw in your eyes that fateful day I let you at the Center. I hope you'll understand one day that I had to. I couldn't let you see me getting even sicker. I didn't want you to see the end of me so you'll keep a pretty nice image of me in your heart.
Oh my Princess how hard is it to write this letter. I have much to give you. So much. But for some reason you'll get them only when you'll be 18. This is all I can give you for now. It isn't much, just a letter, probably stained with my tears.
I haven't seen you in almost 7 months now my Angel, and I miss you so terribly. Not an hour pass without me wishing I could be by your side, we could still be together. But you're a bright girl and I'm sure you understand why we couldn't.
I hope you've made friends and that you have a nice family. The Center told me you were in a family in a town nearby and with your roommate too. How wonderful it is for me to know that you're not alone. That you won't be alone when reading this.
My time is coming my dearest child, and for once in my life I'm resentful. I'm very angry. At Life, at Fate. I wish you never felt those feelings, but knowing you, you probably have already. That's what happen when one has a heart as big as yours. Please never let anyone spoil your heart, it is far too beautiful.
I love you my Tara, so very much. You're the most beautiful and dearest gift I had in my life. You're to be treasured, and I know deep in my heart that one day you'll meet the person who will see it and who will treasure your heart. Never be afraid if the person is different from what you may expect. Love knows no limits.
All of this seems so randomly put, I am sorry my angel, I just don't want to organize it. I just put my thoughts as they came. There is so much I'd like to tell you.
The most important thing being that I love you. I said it already but I do. You're a part of me, and I'll be always in your heart baby girl. Life may have not wanted me to be physically at your sides, but nothing and nobody can keep me from watching over you.
I don't want to but I have to say goodbye now. Goodbye my Princess, I wish the best for you. I give you my love always.

Take good care of you my Sunshine.

Yours, truly and forever.

Mamma.
[/blockquote][hr]
Broken Dolls |The Stadium's Goddesses | Seeds Of Beauty

"Joie est mon caractère, C'est la faute à Voltaire; Misère est mon trousseau, C'est la faute à Rousseau." Gavroche. Victor Hugo, Les Misérables (chap. XV)
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Re: Broken Dolls [April 5th]

Postby Dorothy » Sun Apr 05, 2009 2:56 pm

Dibs!!!
You made me cry :blush ... again

*gone out to buy the Ju an expresstrain-yearpass*
Manchmal in der Nacht hab ich phantastische Träume. Aber wenn ish aufwach, quält mich die Angst.
Manchmal in der Nacht bin ich so hilflos und wünsch mir, es käm einer, der mich führt und beschützt.
(__/)
(O.o )
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Re: Broken Dolls [April 5th]

Postby Zampsa1975 » Sun Apr 05, 2009 3:31 pm

Yay for excellent update-y goodness... I'm really worried about Willow and how she is going to cope in life now that her mother has desided to become a full time fuck-slut. What I worry the most is that Willow's mother's "friends" want to include Willow in their fun... Good that Tara has found Faith as a friend. I really hope that Tara's foster parents are decent people...
We few, we happy few. We band of buggered.

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Re: Broken Dolls [April 5th]

Postby Nue » Sun Apr 05, 2009 4:25 pm

it´s ok to hate Sheila even more? I totally know how Will is feeling right now, having strangers at your home is really scary and when you mother doesn´t care about you anymore (even resenting you just for existing!) hurts like hell...

I just hope our little girls find happiness soon... They´re so young and life is so hard for them... Makes me really sad...


thanks for the update ^^
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Re: Broken Dolls [April 5th]

Postby LittleBit » Mon Apr 06, 2009 3:05 am

I really like this story so I am thankful you provided us with an update. Please continue as this story has so much potential! :D
Patience is a virtue I have yet to acquire
-- me


I am my beloved and my beloved is mine
-- King Solomon's Song of Songs


Only reality can escape the limits of our imagination
-- Rivka Galchen, Atmospheric Disturbances


Man is nothing else but that which he makes of himself
-- Jean-Paul Sartre
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